0:00:15 > 0:00:21Welcome to Frank Skinner Opinionnated tonight from Norwich.
0:00:21 > 0:00:27It's been a strange old week. Jeremy Clarkson on The One Show and
0:00:27 > 0:00:32in various newspapers has said to the -- said that the public service
0:00:32 > 0:00:40workers that went on strike should be executed in front of their
0:00:41 > 0:00:47families. To be fair to Clarkson has an enormous face. So the
0:00:47 > 0:00:52journey from his brain to his mouth is always likely to be harassous.
0:00:52 > 0:00:58When the BBC received 3 1,000 complaints before Clarkson was
0:00:58 > 0:01:08having on the other size of his face. Apparently he could not hear
0:01:08 > 0:01:09
0:01:09 > 0:01:18it. Sales of his DVD's increased 4hun47 -- 400%. I assume he's
0:01:18 > 0:01:25referring to the fact that March might and Clarkson look like Shit.
0:01:25 > 0:01:33A 26-year-old woman and her mother were driving down a road in Essex
0:01:33 > 0:01:43when somebody dropped a block of granite on the car. If it had hit
0:01:43 > 0:01:51
0:01:51 > 0:01:56the mum I think she would have been This programme contains strong
0:01:56 > 0:02:05language. Giant pandas are one of the world's
0:02:05 > 0:02:12most endangered species, and partly because the world wildlife does not
0:02:12 > 0:02:21have a it's according to the Chinese a breeding nightmare. That
0:02:21 > 0:02:26should hot my DVD sales! A lot of research has been done into why
0:02:26 > 0:02:32pandas only have sex once a year. The most likely explanation is they
0:02:32 > 0:02:42are married. Don't clap mate, you'll get it when you get home! It
0:02:42 > 0:02:45
0:02:45 > 0:02:55looks like 32-year-old TV presenter Caroline Flack is dating 17-year-
0:02:55 > 0:02:55
0:02:55 > 0:03:05old boy band. She has been receiving hate mail. I find it's
0:03:05 > 0:03:05
0:03:05 > 0:03:15not so bad if it's on kitty writing paper. They look good now but
0:03:15 > 0:03:17
0:03:17 > 0:03:27they're only going in one direction now. Welcome my guests, Russell
0:03:27 > 0:03:43
0:03:43 > 0:03:49Both Skinner Virgins. We begin this by going to the audience and asking
0:03:49 > 0:03:55them about a news story. Anything from the news? What about that
0:03:55 > 0:04:05chap? What do you think about the French and the German governments'
0:04:05 > 0:04:05
0:04:05 > 0:04:12idea of having a joint taxation across Europe. I want to try with
0:04:12 > 0:04:19this one. My first instinct is shut up. A joint taxation... Would that
0:04:19 > 0:04:25include, us, mate? They say originally the euro and eventually
0:04:25 > 0:04:31Europe. Can I ask has everybody got these types of questions. This is
0:04:31 > 0:04:40the first time we have ever had a question this hard! This isn't a
0:04:40 > 0:04:46chat this is a test? As soon as you said the word "euro", everybody's
0:04:46 > 0:04:55eyes went... Like at the beginning of the news, when everybody goes no,
0:04:55 > 0:05:01no, Ever been to a euro disco. you go to a disco in Europe, people
0:05:01 > 0:05:07dance like this. I don't! experience was the best. I don't
0:05:07 > 0:05:12remember why I was... One of those nights. Somewhere like Belgium and
0:05:12 > 0:05:22Belarus. It was brilliant. Everybody is having a fantastic
0:05:22 > 0:05:29time. Loads of old guys and young girls and me. Sound like a bonga
0:05:29 > 0:05:37party. I was having a fantastic time until somebody said she's a
0:05:37 > 0:05:46prostitute, and she's... And I was the only girl who wasn't a
0:05:46 > 0:05:56prostitute. Jiek a hooker Sparticus! I'm loving it. I think
0:05:56 > 0:06:02
0:06:02 > 0:06:07The man in the back in a blue shirt. Your opinion on the discovery of a
0:06:07 > 0:06:13new planet very similar to our own in atmosphere and temperature and
0:06:13 > 0:06:18should we pack up and move over. you know about it? They have
0:06:18 > 0:06:24discovered a Earth two. If there was people in it that would have
0:06:24 > 0:06:30been in the papers. This is not a story you would not have heard of.
0:06:30 > 0:06:37How come... A paent of -- planet full of people has been discovered,
0:06:37 > 0:06:43page seven of the Sun. I would -- I would like to start off with local
0:06:43 > 0:06:48news. I don't know if you're aware, they're thinking of opening a
0:06:48 > 0:06:55topless barber shop in Norwich. Applause from the man in the back!
0:06:55 > 0:07:03What do you think as a lady? As a lady number one you're not going to
0:07:03 > 0:07:11see the boobs, because they'll be behind you. Mirror. They will be
0:07:11 > 0:07:18behind you. Nobody is going to want a big fat woman cutting the hair
0:07:18 > 0:07:25with the boobs on either shoulder. I went to a topless bar when I was
0:07:25 > 0:07:3017 in Birmingham. It was one of the least sexy experiences of my life.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34The women had red tee shirts on, and they cut holes in the tee
0:07:34 > 0:07:40shirts, and they pulled their breasts out. They were roughly
0:07:40 > 0:07:46forced out like they were making bread! As a 17-year-old when
0:07:46 > 0:07:52everything is sexy I thought this is appalling. They sound like
0:07:52 > 0:08:00broken sausages. At the time there was a tie on the market -- toy on
0:08:00 > 0:08:05the market called the play bough fun factory. That's what it looked
0:08:05 > 0:08:13like. They can't be professionals. Some men are married and they go to
0:08:13 > 0:08:23strip clubs. At least you can go get away with it. You'll go to
0:08:23 > 0:08:32somewhere with a topless air dressers, and they cut your hair,
0:08:32 > 0:08:42and your hair will look like shit. And any bloke who has his haircut
0:08:42 > 0:08:43
0:08:43 > 0:08:51anywhere, his wife will say where did you have it cut? Like a semi!
0:08:51 > 0:09:01Would you go? It would be too awkward. Awkward enough talking to
0:09:01 > 0:09:09hairdressers, let alone if they are half naked. Naples, nipples. I went
0:09:09 > 0:09:15to Korea ya, You could go for a haircut and the man would ask if
0:09:15 > 0:09:22you wanted something special. I didn't do this. I spoke to someone.
0:09:22 > 0:09:30A lady comes in, in a rubber glove, and will give you relief with that
0:09:30 > 0:09:36hand. This is a hairdresser. Really, really? I'm not making it up. The
0:09:37 > 0:09:44guy said it was pretty good. My horror when you have completed,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49does she hold a mirror, and you go, lovely, fabulous. That's great. Is
0:09:49 > 0:09:59there anyone here who would go. That fellow in front of the camera
0:09:59 > 0:10:00
0:10:00 > 0:10:09there. You would go. Yeah. Why? the boobs. I think that probably
0:10:09 > 0:10:19makes sense. But you go to a lapdancing club. A bit more
0:10:19 > 0:10:26
0:10:26 > 0:10:33expensive! A credit crunch pervert. I never have my hair washed when I
0:10:33 > 0:10:40go to the hairdressers. That's a treat. They do the massage. They
0:10:40 > 0:10:48have the minty shampoo. When you lean back, if that was me I would
0:10:48 > 0:10:52not be able to resist the karate chop. Once they lay back, once you
0:10:52 > 0:11:02start thinking they will chop your throat you can't relax. What about
0:11:02 > 0:11:08you? Are a man for a �100 haircut? No, clearly not. My mum used to cut
0:11:08 > 0:11:17my hair for years as a child. have a picture of the haircut your
0:11:17 > 0:11:24mum did. APPLAUSE.
0:11:24 > 0:11:33You get a feel for the woman's handiwork there. Was she a fan of
0:11:33 > 0:11:42the new a vepbgers. Did she use a bowl. Yeah. Really. It wasn't very
0:11:42 > 0:11:51level. A broken bowl. We have another. This was a stage you went
0:11:51 > 0:12:01through. The curtains. I love those. Do you? Yeah. Did you ever draw
0:12:01 > 0:12:01
0:12:01 > 0:12:09them. When you went to bed at night did you pull them across.
0:12:09 > 0:12:15That's awful. I look like a fool. I look like a fat farmer. Can you
0:12:16 > 0:12:23never say that in Norwich again. look like I'm bragging about my
0:12:23 > 0:12:31crop. I don't know what we have in the way of fabulous hairdos. Your
0:12:31 > 0:12:38hair which looks great and modern, that's what I would call a side
0:12:39 > 0:12:47ways fringe. Yeah. It defies gravity. Is it heavy gelg. After
0:12:47 > 0:12:57I've had a wash I dry it and it goes across. It stays like that? Ye.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01
0:13:01 > 0:13:11Are you a Biba fan. No! Is that your mum with you? Sorry I thought
0:13:11 > 0:13:15
0:13:15 > 0:13:21you might be from One Direction. There's nothing wrong with being a
0:13:21 > 0:13:31Bieber fan. He really looks like him. Please stop the conversation.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32
0:13:32 > 0:13:42It's on telly now. I would be happy. Fairly unlikely. I mean there's the
0:13:42 > 0:13:48
0:13:48 > 0:13:58furore about Justin Bieber's hair. the other planet earth. I have two
0:13:58 > 0:13:59
0:13:59 > 0:14:07daughters, and they hate him. likes him. He has -- he had his
0:14:07 > 0:14:13hair like that. He flicked it. And he looks like a woman. That was the
0:14:13 > 0:14:19when she said I'm not a fan any more. We have a picture of him.
0:14:20 > 0:14:29Whether he had the same haircut as that bloke. It looks like something
0:14:30 > 0:14:30
0:14:30 > 0:14:35has been photo shopped out of that photo. The fear in the eyes. This
0:14:35 > 0:14:40is the new Bieber. It's a big moment when you change. That day
0:14:40 > 0:14:48when you think I'll change my hair style. I think it's particularly
0:14:48 > 0:14:56from fringe to flick. That sounds like a reality show. In which
0:14:56 > 0:15:05someone leaves alternative theatre to join the cast of skal ello Ello.
0:15:05 > 0:15:15I would like to show you an advert and I like to know what you and the
0:15:15 > 0:15:17
0:15:17 > 0:15:24audience think about this. Dad, it's time. Would you be a really
0:15:24 > 0:15:32nice catch for somebody. Just for Men takes five easy minutes,
0:15:32 > 0:15:39targets only the great hair and can start something good. For my girls.
0:15:39 > 0:15:45Just for Men. They are pimping their dad out. I like their fact
0:15:45 > 0:15:49men who dye their hair are happy to leave their children at home
0:15:50 > 0:15:56unattended. Those adverts I think they're a waste of time. I
0:15:56 > 0:16:06genuinely believe he looked better because he did the fake dye thing.
0:16:06 > 0:16:06
0:16:06 > 0:16:11Really? I think they call it salt and pepper hair. It's so sexy. John
0:16:11 > 0:16:20Schofield a perfect example. He tried to fight the grey. And he did
0:16:20 > 0:16:28it. I -- Philip Schofield, he tried to fight the grey, and looks
0:16:28 > 0:16:37gorgeous. Women always dye their hair. I have a theory about women
0:16:37 > 0:16:47with grey hair. Women with short grey hair, probably ex-dancer and
0:16:47 > 0:16:55keen interest in the hearts. Women with long grey hair, 1 cats and a
0:16:55 > 0:17:02history of mental illness. By 2031, 11 million people in this country
0:17:02 > 0:17:08will be living on their own. I was single, and -- for a while, living
0:17:08 > 0:17:15alone. One night I watched a science fiction movie with just my
0:17:15 > 0:17:23socks on, eating beans out of a tin. I thought if I carry on like this,
0:17:23 > 0:17:32will be unable to live with anybody. Sounds like a charity advert. Just
0:17:32 > 0:17:38�5 a month b will buy Frank some trousers and a plate. Everyone
0:17:38 > 0:17:43should experience being on their own. You should be able to
0:17:43 > 0:17:52experience yourself. Whoever you marry, should be happy with you
0:17:52 > 0:17:57sitting in your socks eating beans. It's not right eating beans with
0:17:57 > 0:18:06just socks. That's about freedom. If you live with someone you have
0:18:06 > 0:18:10to modify yourself to fit them. That's such bollocks. I haven't got
0:18:10 > 0:18:15a boyfriend. But I've got two kids. They're always at home. Tonight
0:18:15 > 0:18:23they are with the baby setter. And they will not be at my house, I
0:18:23 > 0:18:32love these moments alone, you can do mad things. Like what? Walking
0:18:32 > 0:18:40around my house naked. What! That's so much fun. I hope that was
0:18:40 > 0:18:46clapping. Some people, how many people here hate being single.
0:18:46 > 0:18:54can't stand being single. More the loneliness thing. I have a lot of
0:18:54 > 0:19:04friends with partners, and they are all happy, arms linked, and you
0:19:04 > 0:19:05
0:19:05 > 0:19:15think what am I doing wrong. Can we have a spotlight on this me. Are
0:19:15 > 0:19:18
0:19:18 > 0:19:22God for that! Can I say going to the -- going to the topless
0:19:22 > 0:19:27hairdressers doesn't count as being in a relationship. The one person
0:19:27 > 0:19:33brave enough to say it, most people feel like that. People think they
0:19:33 > 0:19:38are single, and I have to find someone quickly. I wonder if they
0:19:38 > 0:19:48don't give the single life thing a chance. All my friends have
0:19:48 > 0:19:49
0:19:49 > 0:19:56partners. At this time of the year, when it's cold. When it's cold.
0:19:56 > 0:20:03What kind of relationship? Climate! Winter is the time. Anyone I've met
0:20:03 > 0:20:13I've met them in the winter. You do, you want to walk in the snow, but
0:20:13 > 0:20:13
0:20:13 > 0:20:21you want to do the cuddling things. You noticed there are very, very
0:20:21 > 0:20:31large pieces of equipment on the ceiling of this studio. Slightly
0:20:31 > 0:20:37
0:20:37 > 0:20:47frightening. Luckily... Always learning. I think I'm going to get
0:20:47 > 0:20:57changed into something more comfortable. What do you think?
0:20:57 > 0:20:57
0:20:57 > 0:21:02It's what they call a onesie. It's all in one piece. And designed for
0:21:02 > 0:21:08basically every one of of those cosy nights in. I've got one.
0:21:09 > 0:21:17the same pattern. Hideous, but the best item of clothing I own. It
0:21:17 > 0:21:24actually has a hole in it. APPLAUSE.
0:21:24 > 0:21:30No my friend told me about it. cujless onesie. My friend told me
0:21:30 > 0:21:36about it. I always said I would love a baby grow as an adult. And
0:21:36 > 0:21:43she told me about it. She got me one. They are really popular now.
0:21:43 > 0:21:49What I want to talk about apparently four out of ten people
0:21:49 > 0:21:56occasionally -- spend a day in their pyjamas. They don't go out of
0:21:57 > 0:22:02the house, they stay in their PJ's. Every weekend for me, if I'm not
0:22:02 > 0:22:10working, not joking. I love being at home. If friends want to
0:22:10 > 0:22:17socialise I say come to me. 69% of the United Kingdom say they go out
0:22:17 > 0:22:23less than they used to. You should not be in watching telly. You don't
0:22:23 > 0:22:28have to watch telly. We have a clip here from the 70's of a guy who
0:22:28 > 0:22:35decides he is going to stay up all night. This is how he decides to
0:22:35 > 0:22:45fill his time. I don't go to -- when I don't to go to school,
0:22:45 > 0:22:54during the day I sleep, it's at night I'm awake and find things to
0:22:54 > 0:23:01do, like shooting mice. Mice seems to congregate around the washing
0:23:01 > 0:23:11machine. I kill one, and I wait for another one to come. It gets boring
0:23:11 > 0:23:17
0:23:17 > 0:23:25sometimes. I start drilling holes in summit. My God! That's brilliant.
0:23:25 > 0:23:34Staying in, anyone with an air rifle. When I'm bored I drill holes.
0:23:34 > 0:23:42Such a crap night. There's loads of things to do. What do you do?
0:23:42 > 0:23:50play games. What kind of games. Like wi, PlayStation. I should
0:23:50 > 0:23:58mention all... So they all send you one. If anyone is watching from any
0:23:58 > 0:24:08of the big play centre things... Play centre! Hold on, isn't play
0:24:08 > 0:24:08
0:24:08 > 0:24:18centre what comes out of a pregnant lady? I would rather you did not
0:24:18 > 0:24:19
0:24:19 > 0:24:29send me a placenta. I'm anti asking for free stuff on the telly. If you
0:24:29 > 0:24:30
0:24:30 > 0:24:40send me stuff, I'll smash it up with a hammer. Jimmy Carr told me a
0:24:40 > 0:24:49story, someone asked, what would you like, he said a hot tub. They -
0:24:49 > 0:24:56- he got one spent the -- sent the next day. I got in a hot tub once
0:24:56 > 0:25:04and I got have midya. Your whole attitude has changed since you've
0:25:04 > 0:25:10been in there. It's very chilling. You can't get around the chilling
0:25:10 > 0:25:19element of a onesie. Apparently Adolf Hitler had one, according to
0:25:19 > 0:25:28the song. I tell you what Mark Wright he was recently in the
0:25:28 > 0:25:34jungle. He said him and his mate will often have a night in where
0:25:35 > 0:25:44they sleep together and watch a film together in bed and sit up and
0:25:45 > 0:25:54talk all night. Any blokes have a sleep over with anate. -- mate. I
0:25:54 > 0:26:04do that with my best friend. Ross. How does that work? It's quite good.
0:26:04 > 0:26:04
0:26:04 > 0:26:10I don't do it all the time. Don't make a habit of it. I'm not
0:26:10 > 0:26:17condemning it. Once a month we sit up and watch a good old film and
0:26:17 > 0:26:24sometimes we cry. We watch sad films and talk about life. And you
0:26:24 > 0:26:34sleep together. We sleep in the same -- same room, obviously not in
0:26:34 > 0:26:37
0:26:37 > 0:26:47the... I think Mark wriet --, Where irght sleeps with someone. What is
0:26:47 > 0:26:48
0:26:48 > 0:26:55wrong with sleeping in the same bed. He's quite hairy. You hand soley --
0:26:55 > 0:27:03solo. I've never even thought about it. I've never thought of saying to
0:27:03 > 0:27:10a mate, saying let's -- stay over. It doesn't happen like that. It's
0:27:10 > 0:27:19like do you want to come over for a curry, and see a film... And you
0:27:19 > 0:27:24wake up the next morning. It sounds like spike in your drink. Michael
0:27:24 > 0:27:31Fish when he quit TV weather he could not give up the weather. He
0:27:31 > 0:27:40love the weather so much, he does a online weather report from his own
0:27:40 > 0:27:45home. Welcome to another look at for a big change. If you look at
0:27:45 > 0:27:52the surface pressure pattern, we have low pressure after low
0:27:52 > 0:28:01pressure. It will become a vicious storm. If you look at the shopping
0:28:01 > 0:28:07forecast. There are hurricane force... That's what this show will
0:28:07 > 0:28:16be in 20 years time. Sitting on the toilet. That was a rubbish
0:28:16 > 0:28:22impression of me by me! I'm going to end. Because I can't, I'm too