:00:00. > :00:13.This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
:00:14. > :00:27.Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Frankie Boyle!
:00:28. > :00:34.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! Hello and welcome to this
:00:35. > :00:38.election night New World Order Special. I should say that the polls
:00:39. > :00:43.haven't closed at the point of filming. We haven't seen an exit
:00:44. > :00:47.poll. We don't know what's going to happen but I suspect the Tories are
:00:48. > :00:53.going to win... It's been such a long election campaign, I don't
:00:54. > :00:58.think that they should show election night coverage but Die Hard on each
:00:59. > :01:05.Channel. Show Die Hard and dub over the occasional surprising result.
:01:06. > :01:11.John McLean, Labour have lost Norwich South. It's been a chaotic
:01:12. > :01:19.election for the Conservative Parties. Starting with the NHS
:01:20. > :01:28.computer system going down but the good news is, I'm HIV negative
:01:29. > :01:32.again, ladies. The Tory manifesto with some incredibly unpopular
:01:33. > :01:41.policies, if you get dementia, you could lose your house. That is the
:01:42. > :01:48.most terrible policy. For pensioners it's like putting VAT on racism. And
:01:49. > :01:53.pensioners won't aqueous into a Conservative Government, they will
:01:54. > :01:58.vote for it. These people will crawl along the pavement to vote
:01:59. > :02:05.themselves out of their own house! Theresa May has looked incredibly
:02:06. > :02:13.uncomfortable. She always looks like she is about to cough up a pellet
:02:14. > :02:18.but rest assured no matter how uncomfortable in the election, the
:02:19. > :02:22.victory parade will be like Mad Max Fury Road. Jeremy Corbyn has not
:02:23. > :02:28.done so well in Scotland. Scottish people don't trust anyone who looks
:02:29. > :02:34.old but still has teeth! I think it's going to be sad watching Corbyn
:02:35. > :02:41.getting beaten, not like watching Ed Miliband lose. More like watching
:02:42. > :02:47.Aslan dying in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The perfect result
:02:48. > :02:53.for me is if Jeremy Corbyn get enough seats to fill in the election
:02:54. > :02:58.and then Sinn Fein have to take those seats. You may not think I
:02:59. > :03:03.don't have enough votes to pass the Budget but, ladies and gentlemen,
:03:04. > :03:10.the IRA! The Queen's speech is written by the IRA and she has to
:03:11. > :03:15.deliver it through a balaclava! Ukip have tried to reposition themselves.
:03:16. > :03:21.They got what they wanted. They got out of the EU. Nobody cares about
:03:22. > :03:27.the other positions. Like hearing Isis' position on wheelie bins. Ukip
:03:28. > :03:32.are worried about low skilled migrant workers, they don't want low
:03:33. > :03:35.skilled migrants coming to Britain. Wait until after Brexit, the British
:03:36. > :03:42.people living in Europe who is to come back here. Wait until you see
:03:43. > :03:46.what they are bringing to the table! My skills include being able to ask
:03:47. > :03:56.for the bill in Spanish. And armed robbery! Tim Farron's a trendy vicar
:03:57. > :04:00.character, isn't he? OK, everybody let's meet at the youth club
:04:01. > :04:09.tomorrow, we're having a workshop on how to act normal around gays.
:04:10. > :04:13.Tim Farron said he didn't think gay sex was a sin. He had to say that,
:04:14. > :04:19.he was being asked about it every day. It was getting to the stage
:04:20. > :04:26.when he was to be asked about specific acts of gay sex: The Daily
:04:27. > :04:35.Express, Mr Farron, what are your views on rimming? Felching, farron?
:04:36. > :04:45.The public want answers! OK! Let's get on with the show! So, here's how
:04:46. > :04:53.the show works, I give an opinion about the news, we decide if I'm
:04:54. > :05:12.right or wrong. Joining me to discuss the issues, please welcome,
:05:13. > :05:20.Sara Pascoe and Miles -- good to see you both. Enjoying the election? I
:05:21. > :05:29.feel sick. My granddad died last week, so I had to spend time with my
:05:30. > :05:35.family... What is awful, it was that an old person would die, you said
:05:36. > :05:39.they had good innings, and when a younger person died it is sadder.
:05:40. > :05:44.Now when an older person dies it is worse as they don't see the Brexit
:05:45. > :05:51.they wanted so desperately. Miles, is this the last moment of
:05:52. > :05:56.hope? This election or this?! What we're doing now?! This moment in the
:05:57. > :06:00.show! I think it could be. Labour Party supporters have been swept
:06:01. > :06:06.along by optimism in the last two weeks. If it doesn't go their way,
:06:07. > :06:11.there will be heartbreak, I suppose. Whereas if the Conservatives win
:06:12. > :06:15.they will be gleeful and they will not have costed it but smashing hope
:06:16. > :06:22.is one of their manifesto policies. So either way, that will happen.
:06:23. > :06:27.OK! So I'll make two propositions based on the election, first, the
:06:28. > :06:33.political system hates us. Joining us to discuss all of this please
:06:34. > :06:50.welcome playwright, Lucy Prebble. Lucy, you look like you might have
:06:51. > :06:59.hope. Do you still have hope? Oh, no. No. I'm suffering from
:07:00. > :07:05.democratic fatigue. The democracy is making he understand the rise of
:07:06. > :07:09.fascism, a little. If we are to have right-wing authoritarians in charge,
:07:10. > :07:14.I would rather it imposed on us a bit, rather than knowing that
:07:15. > :07:17.everyone had voted for it. For the old people that voted in the
:07:18. > :07:20.election, this is the last opportunity to vote. For the young
:07:21. > :07:27.who voted this will be the last opportunity to vote.
:07:28. > :07:35.Politics is a sort of class warfare. The political class engaged in arms
:07:36. > :07:43.deals, profit yearing and corruption, against the public that
:07:44. > :07:46.are not able to understand this. And Theresa May, the first in
:07:47. > :07:52.history not to get the trains to run on time. She is an authoritarian at
:07:53. > :07:57.heart. This is the key. Why she wants rid of the human rights
:07:58. > :08:05.legislation, why she wants in the surveillance bill. That is the key
:08:06. > :08:10.to her permanently appalled expression, like she has just seen
:08:11. > :08:15.my internet history. So the election focussed on the leaders rather than
:08:16. > :08:19.the parties. Theresa May became an MP in 1997 a few weeks after the
:08:20. > :08:25.death by shooting of the notorious BIG. Some comfort to the family of
:08:26. > :08:34.Biggie that he never knew that Theresa May existed.
:08:35. > :08:38.Throughout the campaign, Theresa May managed her terrible public image,
:08:39. > :08:42.here she is stumbling and buying time whilst thinking of an answer
:08:43. > :08:47.that will do her career the last amount of damage.
:08:48. > :08:52.What's the naughtest thing you ever did Goodness me. Gosh, do you know
:08:53. > :08:59.I'm not quite sure. There must have been a moment. Well,
:09:00. > :09:04.nobody is perfectly behaved. I have to confess, when me and my friends
:09:05. > :09:10.used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren't too
:09:11. > :09:14.pleased about that! If you are going to answer that question, just say
:09:15. > :09:23.the real worst thing you've ever done. I killed a tramp with hammer!
:09:24. > :09:30.What of it?! I think that is what is so great about asking that question.
:09:31. > :09:37.A normal person would say that they cheated at Monopoly, she is think
:09:38. > :09:42.being how she wants to ban human rights, or selling arms to the
:09:43. > :09:46.Saudis, I know, I will talk about Peter Rabbit.
:09:47. > :09:50.I think she is trying to conjure up an idea of Britain from the past
:09:51. > :09:54.that is rural, idyllic. That is what it is about.
:09:55. > :10:00.She feels empathy but only for the wheat.
:10:01. > :10:04.She loves repeating little phrases, strong and stable and the other one
:10:05. > :10:09.is the coalition of chaos that came up in the debate. You think, OK, so
:10:10. > :10:14.she's saying if you elect anyone else there will be a coalition of
:10:15. > :10:20.chaos. It sounds amazing. Like a Marvel film you want to see. That
:10:21. > :10:26.sort of thing, most people engage with politics for a brief way,
:10:27. > :10:30.myself included, so those phrases work well. Winston Churchill used to
:10:31. > :10:39.say, we will fight them on the beaches but once it made sense.
:10:40. > :10:45.All the other times, shall we give back the Elgin Marbles... We'll
:10:46. > :10:51.fight them on the beeches! Some of the dreams that Martin Luther King
:10:52. > :10:57.have told were disgusting. My father was naked and riding on
:10:58. > :11:01.the back of a lab door. She panics halfway through a sentence. She is
:11:02. > :11:07.not good suppressing what she thinks. You can see the fear in her
:11:08. > :11:11.eyes or sometimes thinking that the correct thing to do when being
:11:12. > :11:17.criticised is to laugh. And then see has one of these things, so, strong
:11:18. > :11:25.and stable... Coalition of chaos or us?! A bunch of BAssards?! Many
:11:26. > :11:32.politicians found themselves hounded by the same question over and over
:11:33. > :11:36.again, here is Jeremy Corbyn refusing to answer an incredibly
:11:37. > :11:41.persistent audience. Would you allow North Korea or some
:11:42. > :11:47.idiot in Iran to bomb us and then say, oh, we better start talking.
:11:48. > :11:55.You would be too late. Of course not. Of course I would not do that.
:11:56. > :12:00.. You would allow them to do it? Of course not. That is why I made the
:12:01. > :12:04.point a short time ago about the need for President Obama's agreement
:12:05. > :12:10.with Iran to be upheld it is important, actually. And also to
:12:11. > :12:17.promote disarmament in North Korea. That is difficult I appreciate.
:12:18. > :12:23.Impossible. Impossible. You up there? You are asking a
:12:24. > :12:33.massive wish with one of the biggest Arsenals by your side. I would
:12:34. > :12:43.rather have it and not use it in today's age? You want to comment on
:12:44. > :12:49.that? No. It was a frustrating show, that. The
:12:50. > :12:52.people of York were obsessed with having an nuclear exchange with
:12:53. > :12:58.Iran, which does not have nuclear weapons. I was proud of him for
:12:59. > :13:05.sticking to his guns but he could have gone, I would use Trident and
:13:06. > :13:12.then just winked. And when they said did you wink there, he would have
:13:13. > :13:16.gone, "no". Of course not! I have sympathy for the men in that
:13:17. > :13:21.audience who key. With Jeremy Corbyn, he does want you to know
:13:22. > :13:27.that he has such integrity. I do think that is the problem with him.
:13:28. > :13:32.That people think he is putting his sense of integrity above national
:13:33. > :13:37.security. He could just lie. Or we could go, we don't know. Anything
:13:38. > :13:42.could happen. Aliens come, we have to fire it into space, so he doesn't
:13:43. > :13:45.know but he wants to impose his morality.
:13:46. > :13:52.I think they should keep Trident but not output date it. What is more
:13:53. > :13:57.threatening than a rusty nuke? This is not a session guided thing, we
:13:58. > :14:02.have pulled this from the shed. It may go off at face height. It's a
:14:03. > :14:09.bank holiday and we've been drinking! But the British people are
:14:10. > :14:13.obsessed with this. If you remember one of the first things Theresa May
:14:14. > :14:18.did as a Prime Minister, she stood up in the House of Commons and said
:14:19. > :14:23.that thing that she was prepared to kill 100,000 men, women and children
:14:24. > :14:29.if need's be. Maybe the question was about school lunches... She was
:14:30. > :14:33.trying to get sponsored for Comic Relief! Whatever you think about the
:14:34. > :14:40.Lib Dem leader, Tim Farron, you cannot say he did not embrace the
:14:41. > :14:45.election foow a even when desperate or awed. Let's look at the
:14:46. > :14:52.highlights. Drifting along aimlessly, not making
:14:53. > :14:59.impression on the ground... On a bus powered by shame... He has a key
:15:00. > :15:04.skill for a top politicians, to be able to bake tarts... We are getting
:15:05. > :15:10.you to do speed chess and answer the questions? Not well.
:15:11. > :15:18.No-one will judge you on that! Is this about Brexit? Look at that.
:15:19. > :15:23.Oh, you are check mate! I'm good at pop quizzes!
:15:24. > :15:34.APPLAUSE The lady on the buses in a rear
:15:35. > :15:42.facing seat. I'd no idea where where going! All I can see is the chaos
:15:43. > :15:45.and havoc we leave behind. He doesn't seem like he wants to win
:15:46. > :15:52.the election, he seems like he wants to get all of his Cub Scout badges.
:15:53. > :15:59.Grafting, the badge for saying gay sex is a sin, saying it isn't a
:16:00. > :16:02.thin. All of the badges. Like the Duke of Edinburgh award. It's
:16:03. > :16:13.probably why the Duke of Edinburgh retired, so he didn't have to meet
:16:14. > :16:16.the locker. Here's some unrelenting footage of Jeremy Hunt on a hospital
:16:17. > :16:20.visit. reporter-macro: How does it feel,
:16:21. > :16:24.all of those people dying because of your actions? You are closing our
:16:25. > :16:31.hospital. How have you got the cheek to come here, when you are closing
:16:32. > :16:39.our hospital? I think the names they call you are right, Mr Hunt. The
:16:40. > :16:47.name is clearly this spells. -- misspelled. Let's hope you never
:16:48. > :16:49.need an A, Mr Hunt. Any other person in the world, I'd help with
:16:50. > :16:57.that. APPLAUSE
:16:58. > :17:07.I'd like to think that was the voice of his conscience. He was in
:17:08. > :17:10.hospital, having it removed. He was pretending to be normal, that thing
:17:11. > :17:14.off like, you just keep chatting and you try and keep that demean up, but
:17:15. > :17:18.then I thought maybe he just thinks that's what the world is like, maybe
:17:19. > :17:23.he thinks that everywhere, a bit like wherever the Queen goes she
:17:24. > :17:28.thinks it smells of fresh paint, baby Jeremy Hunt thinks everyone in
:17:29. > :17:38.the world walks around saying, Cuenca. This new thing people are
:17:39. > :17:40.saying, resign, ... I think it's the last election campaign whether
:17:41. > :17:44.politicians will even go and campaign. I think it will be like
:17:45. > :17:49.digital avatars in the next election. They'll send a digital
:17:50. > :17:52.avatar around the country and dub over the occasional local reference.
:17:53. > :17:58.It's a pleasure to be here in Doncaster. I sympathise with your
:17:59. > :18:10.local concerns about unemployment. I enjoy your local cuisine of pie and
:18:11. > :18:14.chips. And methadone. OK, so in conclusion, the political system may
:18:15. > :18:18.hate is more than we hate it, but let's look on the bright side. We
:18:19. > :18:21.need to take a moment to forget politics, look into our partner's
:18:22. > :18:25.eyes and take solace, take solace from the fact that the daily bases
:18:26. > :18:30.we managed to suppress the hate we have for the person we have two
:18:31. > :18:33.spent the rest of our lives with. We hate the way they laughed, the way
:18:34. > :18:38.they blink, the way they eat, the way they sleep, the way they breeze,
:18:39. > :18:42.the way they exist. And if we can live with that hate, day in, day
:18:43. > :18:47.out, how hard can it be to stifle the hate we have for our political
:18:48. > :18:58.system. So, chin up, everybody. Thanks to Lucy Prebble.
:18:59. > :19:05.CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK come the next proposition. The
:19:06. > :19:10.media is a huge obstacle to meaningful democracy. Joining us to
:19:11. > :19:13.discuss this, please welcome Mr Nish Kumar.
:19:14. > :19:31.APPLAUSE How are you doing, Nish? Have you
:19:32. > :19:36.been following this election? I'm having the best time of my life,
:19:37. > :19:41.Frankie. I love elections. I hope we have one every year, which I think
:19:42. > :19:45.we will. This is what we do at this time of year, indirect, Brexit,
:19:46. > :19:50.election, indirect and the Temple of doom. It will keep on rolling. I
:19:51. > :19:59.like your positivity, mass Rob -- Nish. Yes, I'm here to be a ray of
:20:00. > :20:02.sunshine, democracy! Elections are an exchange of rhetorical artillery
:20:03. > :20:06.and the lack of engagement from voters is something the media is
:20:07. > :20:11.implicit in. Theresa May can be interviewed by Paxman in the week of
:20:12. > :20:16.the Manchester on and not be asked about how he got to Libya, while she
:20:17. > :20:21.was Home Secretary. Instead, we got questions about bombs and Yemen. The
:20:22. > :20:26.media is complicit about the whole thing, from cropping shots to
:20:27. > :20:28.printing coverage which is sometimes little more than a party press
:20:29. > :20:34.release. This is what we've been talking about the whole kind of
:20:35. > :20:37.catchphrase nature of the election. Saying strong and stable all the
:20:38. > :20:44.time isn't a strong and stable thing to do. If someone just had the words
:20:45. > :20:48.strong and stable as their tinder bio, that someone who is teetering
:20:49. > :20:56.on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That's someone who will hide a rifle
:20:57. > :21:01.in a stationary cupboard and face a disciplinary at work. That somebody
:21:02. > :21:05.who's dropped back carpets fat cash converter, because they need money
:21:06. > :21:12.to buy heroin for their dog. As they are cooking up shot for the baffled
:21:13. > :21:17.labrador, they see their own face reflected in the spoon and it's
:21:18. > :21:21.mouthing the words, strong and stable. With the support of the
:21:22. > :21:27.entire media, how could Theresa May have lost this election? Theresa May
:21:28. > :21:31.could have taken a shit on the Cenotaph through a wreath of poppies
:21:32. > :21:36.and then dragged her arse like a dog with worms down the length of Pall
:21:37. > :21:37.mall and the worst that could have happened is she'd have to form a
:21:38. > :21:44.coalition. LAUGHTER
:21:45. > :21:48.Nish, do you find this? The campaign coverage, I find it very false and
:21:49. > :21:53.stultifying. Yes, it feels like more than ever the media has not... It's
:21:54. > :21:57.been very passive, it's been observing the process rather than
:21:58. > :22:00.interrogating, and then we have this kind of spectacle of these debates
:22:01. > :22:04.that weren't really debates, because they weren't in the same room, and
:22:05. > :22:08.it was quite a hollow experience. It's a bit like watching a porn
:22:09. > :22:15.movie where instead of Tube people having sex, they just stand in
:22:16. > :22:17.separate rooms and masturbate consecutively. At the end I've still
:22:18. > :22:27.got an erection but nothing has really been saltier. It's like you
:22:28. > :22:30.need to come convey more convexity, you have messages like coalition of
:22:31. > :22:34.chaos, strong and stable, and it's not as simple as that and give
:22:35. > :22:38.people a more informed view, but the minute you do that you are in a
:22:39. > :22:41.medium where it's impossible to go, well, it's more sophisticated than
:22:42. > :22:45.that because you have it to cut straight to the next one. I don't
:22:46. > :22:50.think people want that much information. Most people just want
:22:51. > :22:54.to grab a couple of things and talk about them angrily after a large
:22:55. > :22:59.white wine. Everyone in my family is Tory. The reasons are interesting.
:23:00. > :23:03.My sister, I said to her about the cuts on things that are happening,
:23:04. > :23:07.in terms of the rape crisis centres that don't have funding anymore,
:23:08. > :23:11.women's refuges don't have funding, and she said actually 75% of the
:23:12. > :23:14.women in those refugees are pretending their boyfriends are
:23:15. > :23:18.hitting them so they have a second place to live. That is what happens
:23:19. > :23:23.if you don't fund education. She's a teacher!
:23:24. > :23:36.LAUGHTER Who's having a second home in a rape
:23:37. > :23:44.shelter? Maybe it's near a beach. During the campaign the media
:23:45. > :23:49.accidentally gave an insight into its true priorities. Take a look at
:23:50. > :23:53.Nicola Sturgeon being interviewed by Sky News. Whilst you can blame the
:23:54. > :23:56.Conservatives, why not raise taxation of the most rich? As you
:23:57. > :23:59.just indicated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, we have to interrupt,
:24:00. > :24:04.Theresa May has started speaking. Perhaps you can hang on for us and
:24:05. > :24:06.we can get your reaction. I'm taking nothing for granted. I'm going to be
:24:07. > :24:12.continuing to campaign across the whole of the country.
:24:13. > :24:19.APPLAUSE That's the whole media thing for me,
:24:20. > :24:24.it's all about symbolism. He's gone from an actual conversation took a
:24:25. > :24:28.symbolic event, where Theresa May has stood outside a bus. There's
:24:29. > :24:33.nobody even there, so this just photographers. They are in a lay-by
:24:34. > :24:41.somewhere. She's shouting nothing into a hedge and you've cut away to
:24:42. > :24:45.do it. You can watch what happens at the end of the shot. They could
:24:46. > :24:50.easily lead in a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn, she said was a
:24:51. > :24:55.real possibility. They must take anything for granted. She urged
:24:56. > :24:59.people to vote for her and her team, and a vote for her and her team is a
:25:00. > :25:06.vote for economic security. I wish they'd carried on filming, behind
:25:07. > :25:10.the bus was a wheat field. Happy as Larry. The peak of Cosa Nostra
:25:11. > :25:16.between politicians in the campaign was this embarrassing appearance by
:25:17. > :25:19.Theresa May and Philip on the one show. When you've experienced so
:25:20. > :25:25.much of each other's lives, you were when you were young, you must feel
:25:26. > :25:30.like you are almost one, as opposed individuals? Yes, I suppose... We
:25:31. > :25:35.are still individuals, we know each other really well. It's sort of like
:25:36. > :25:40.they don't understand normal conversations. When he goes, it's
:25:41. > :25:46.sort of like you are one person, it's like, how does the human know?
:25:47. > :25:50.I like the way they chorus, we are individuals. He's an electoral
:25:51. > :25:56.asset. You know when you see a baby bird that's fallen out of the nest,
:25:57. > :25:57.you need to stamp on it before a cat gets it?
:25:58. > :26:03.LAUGHTER You don't have to! I didn't hate
:26:04. > :26:07.them in this interview, but I did hate the stuff about the boy jobs
:26:08. > :26:12.and girl jobs, the idea that a woman can't take the bins out and as a
:26:13. > :26:18.woman who lives alone in a house full of rubbish... Will someone come
:26:19. > :26:22.and take my bins out? The thing is, the one show, that's the format of
:26:23. > :26:26.it but it was more of a problem that certain newspapers and places you
:26:27. > :26:29.expect some actual analysis to happen had such a unquestioning view
:26:30. > :26:32.of Theresa May. The Daily Mail described her as like finally a
:26:33. > :26:38.Prime Minister who will be honest, but she lied about the fact there
:26:39. > :26:42.was going to be an election and she campaigned for Remain and now she's
:26:43. > :26:48.pushing for a Brexit so aggressive that Pret a Manger will have to
:26:49. > :26:52.change its name to Lunch, in it? Of all the things you could praise her
:26:53. > :26:56.for, honesty is baffling. Most of that interview is them talking about
:26:57. > :27:01.going for a walking holiday in Snowdonia. I think possibly they go
:27:02. > :27:09.there because she mates with a tethered dragon. It's at the top of
:27:10. > :27:13.Snowdonia. Suddenly needs to say it. Maybe when you see her uncomfortable
:27:14. > :27:18.in interviews, someone is attacking the dragon. Her soul is in the
:27:19. > :27:23.Dragon and she's trying... Or run through fields of wheat, but really,
:27:24. > :27:27.she's thinking, save the Dragon. I'd love it if you'd been in the
:27:28. > :27:30.audience for one of the leader's debate, they'd be like, this is all
:27:31. > :27:37.very well, what's happening with the Dragon? In North Korea, attacked by
:27:38. > :27:46.a dragon... What would you do then, Mr Corbyn? Would you protect our
:27:47. > :27:50.Dragon? Anyway, it's important candidates catch voters' attention.
:27:51. > :27:54.Here's one Conservative candidate's creative method of getting there
:27:55. > :28:00.across with a shifting gear towards the end. -- getting their message
:28:01. > :28:03.across. hello, I'm the Conservative candidate in East Yorkshire. There's
:28:04. > :28:08.a general election on the 8th of June and I hope if you live in East
:28:09. > :28:12.Yorkshire that you will vote for me. When you vote in an election, you
:28:13. > :28:15.are doing two things. You are choosing who is your local
:28:16. > :28:20.representatives, but you are also choosing a Prime Minister. I hope
:28:21. > :28:26.you vote for me and support Theresa May. We want a strong and stable
:28:27. > :28:34.government, not a coalition of chaos led by Jeremy Corbyn. # you get
:28:35. > :28:38.accountability with Conservative delivery
:28:39. > :28:43.# Make sure this time you get it right
:28:44. > :28:52.# Vote for Greg Knight #. APPLAUSE
:28:53. > :28:56.What were the words of the song? Was the first word, cutting disability?
:28:57. > :29:01.It's hard not to watch that and understand those mothers in the
:29:02. > :29:05.1950s who looked at Elvis and saw him as such a threat to their
:29:06. > :29:08.daughters. That guy, he's just locking sex!
:29:09. > :29:14.LAUGHTER I think it's dangerous. I think what
:29:15. > :29:18.he's doing there is provocative and deliberately provocative. He could
:29:19. > :29:22.start and he'd be there but, oh, who's going to come in the office? I
:29:23. > :29:28.don't know who is going to be. It's Greg Knight, it's Greg Knight.
:29:29. > :29:35.That's a surprise. Other DHS made of that and sent to every young person
:29:36. > :29:39.in the constituency. The media are allowed to be properly difficult
:29:40. > :29:43.with major parties and far right wing nuts. Have a look when Ukip's
:29:44. > :29:47.Paul Nuttall said he was standing in a town he had no prior links to.
:29:48. > :29:54.We're going to do a little game to test how well you know the see
:29:55. > :29:58.you're going to stand in. Boston, or Lost in. Look at the picture on the
:29:59. > :30:01.screen and say whether it's a picture of Boston, or somewhere else
:30:02. > :30:04.in the country. Here's the first one. What do you reckon? Boston, or
:30:05. > :30:16.not? Boston. Is that correct? Sorry,
:30:17. > :30:21.that's Aylesbury town centre. What about the next one. Are you looking
:30:22. > :30:29.at Boston or another place in the country? I would say Boston.
:30:30. > :30:34.I'm sorry that's not Bostonment Hang on, Sophie... How about this one?
:30:35. > :30:47.That is Boston. That is Boston, correct! At least
:30:48. > :30:52.there is a critical appraisal of the leader of the UK Independence Party.
:30:53. > :30:58.If that was Farage it would have been a picture of you being a
:30:59. > :31:03.complete legend or a partial legend. They had a boner for him for years.
:31:04. > :31:08.Anyway, I have certain opinions about Ukip and they have certain
:31:09. > :31:15.opinions about me! The ideal would be if you did something relevant
:31:16. > :31:26.like Farage on there and deport, or not. And there may abtan but who
:31:27. > :31:32.cares! I will host that game show. There is an unnecessary item. If it
:31:33. > :31:37.was an item on town centres, that would be a different approach but it
:31:38. > :31:43.was just a waste of everyone's locking time.
:31:44. > :31:49.Media may be an obstacle to democracy but not an insurmountable
:31:50. > :31:54.one. I can promise you with will change, that your children will have
:31:55. > :31:59.a brighter future. I can promise you this as they are meaningless. Anyone
:32:00. > :32:04.can say promises, because the days of being held to account for a
:32:05. > :32:11.promise are over. This is now how it is going to be. I mean this, look at
:32:12. > :32:14.it, what a locking mess. Your children's futures are locked. But I
:32:15. > :32:21.promise you this, I do not care about you or your children's future,
:32:22. > :32:35.that is a promise you can believe. And that's the end of the show!
:32:36. > :32:39.Thanks to my guests, Sara Pascoe, Miles Jupp and Kumar. But before I
:32:40. > :32:47.go, I want to leave you with some words. Tonight in the style of Ukip
:32:48. > :32:50.leader, Paul Nuttall, in what I hope will be an uncannily accurate
:32:51. > :32:55.impression. Hi, Paul Nuttall from Ukip. To many
:32:56. > :33:03.of you I probably look like at some point in life have had to pull a
:33:04. > :33:09.dangerous dog off my mum... You've made an inat that point value
:33:10. > :33:16.judgment about me because my neck is the same width theth as my head and
:33:17. > :33:21.I look like I could give unsolice ted advice at the fruit machine.
:33:22. > :33:29.Most of the failed politicians from the election will end up with a
:33:30. > :33:35.directorship. Not me. In six weeks' time, I'll be breeding staffies and
:33:36. > :33:41.driving a coach. Of course people say I look like a male model,
:33:42. > :33:47.fronting a campaign, urging women not to leave their drinks
:33:48. > :33:52.unattended. And yet, my father was actually a
:33:53. > :34:00.south American magic realist novelist. It was a tricky upbringing
:34:01. > :34:05.in many ways. I'd ask him to go to a friend's birthday party and he would
:34:06. > :34:13.digress about a pirate who fell in love with a seal. Dad never stopped
:34:14. > :34:19.talking, other than at my bedtime story which he always read silently
:34:20. > :34:25.to himself. Of course, I rebelled. I created my own fantasy life to rival
:34:26. > :34:30.my father's, perhaps I wanted to stand for something simple. To stand
:34:31. > :34:35.up for the sort of people who put a big St George's flag in their garden
:34:36. > :34:41.during a football championship and never take it down. Until it gets so
:34:42. > :34:46.dirty from petrol fumes that it looks like they support Isis. When
:34:47. > :34:53.the general election was called, I called my father in excitement but
:34:54. > :34:58.he was subdued. Paul, he said, he had something to tell me. In his
:34:59. > :35:06.foreign accent. That I was not a real man but a character in a story
:35:07. > :35:14.he was writing. Conceived on ironic comedy on British masculinity.
:35:15. > :35:17.He said there was nothing more thoroughly British than going on
:35:18. > :35:26.holiday and come back with a damaged vagina.
:35:27. > :35:33.I started to worry that I was indeed simply some kind of racist
:35:34. > :35:40.Pinocchio. So am I real or not? Who knows? I have the strangest dreams
:35:41. > :35:47.sometimes. Sometimes, I dream I'm a teenager who's suffocating in a
:35:48. > :35:51.shipping container, I feel complete empathy, a oneness with the
:35:52. > :35:58.universe. I fight that feeling with everything I've got. I wake up and
:35:59. > :36:03.with a full English breakfast and some strong aftershave, I'll feel as
:36:04. > :36:14.real as I ever need to. Good night, everybody.