:00:00. > :00:09.This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
:00:10. > :00:27.Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Frankie Boyle. APPLAUSE
:00:28. > :00:34.Hello! It's amazing to think that's the best election result that we
:00:35. > :00:37.could have hoped for. The Conservatives forming a coalition
:00:38. > :00:47.with the political wing of the old Testament. The Democratic Unionist.
:00:48. > :00:54.Always worry when I see that word "Democratic". It's like Democratic
:00:55. > :01:04.Republic of North Korea. What's that about? It's like calling yourself a
:01:05. > :01:12.non-rapist hypnotist. Theresa May can't really say that she's got a
:01:13. > :01:16.mandate any more. Because if the DUP hear the word mandate, they start
:01:17. > :01:24.screaming about sodomy. Interesting to see what policies get through the
:01:25. > :01:34.Queen's speech. "This Year, Gay pride should be named Gay shame." If
:01:35. > :01:39.the Conservatives separate from Scotland, they are going to feel
:01:40. > :01:49.great regret that they can't sell them weapons. I've never seen the
:01:50. > :01:54.link between homophobia and oranges. I'm not saying that the Orange walk
:01:55. > :02:02.is gay. If I was trying to prove that I wasn't gay, that's not how
:02:03. > :02:07.I'd personally go about it. Who are you calling gay? Fetch me my
:02:08. > :02:13.majorette stick and my ribbon. I'm about to perform a routine that will
:02:14. > :02:18.leave you looking rather foolish. The favourite now to be Prime
:02:19. > :02:23.Minister is Boris Johnson. A cross between a head injury and an unmade
:02:24. > :02:31.bed. A bouncy castle with Alzheimer's. Not just he's the worst
:02:32. > :02:39.person for the job, he might be the worst mammal! Lets get on with the
:02:40. > :02:40.show. Joining me to discuss the big topics, Sara Pascoe and Katherine
:02:41. > :03:05.Ryan. Have you been following the whole
:03:06. > :03:10.coalition, government... ? I stopped following the news. I've got a
:03:11. > :03:13.WhatsApp group called people I agree with. Instead of a newspaper I'm
:03:14. > :03:19.getting a self published magazine about my Bevan. I love it. Welcome
:03:20. > :03:26.back, Katherine. You were in America for the election. I told them it's
:03:27. > :03:31.very simple. In their election, the winner lost. Here in the UK, the
:03:32. > :03:36.winner sort of one but lost the majority but the loser feels like
:03:37. > :03:43.they warn. Only the country that brought you cricket could renew an
:03:44. > :03:47.election where nobody wins. It seems incredibly compensated for
:03:48. > :03:54.Americans. Important to remember that they don't care about us. Trump
:03:55. > :03:58.has postponed his visit. He won't come here but he was in Saudi Arabia
:03:59. > :04:10.dancing with the people that did 911. Anyway, tonight I'll be making
:04:11. > :04:19.two propositions to discuss. First,...
:04:20. > :04:28.Joining us to discuss all the fallout from the election, please
:04:29. > :04:42.welcome Rob Delaney and data editor of the Guardian US, Mona Chalaby.
:04:43. > :04:51.Have you been following Theresa May's emotional breakdown on several
:04:52. > :04:57.levels? Absolutely. I'm delighted. It's really great. She said she
:04:58. > :05:06.would quit if she lost six MPs. She lost twice that plus one. And she's
:05:07. > :05:14.still there. We'll see. She's sort of there. For the moment. Because it
:05:15. > :05:21.wasn't six. Good point. Labour overshot. Mona, are you enjoying it?
:05:22. > :05:27.It's been very uncomfortable viewing. I'm not sure I completely
:05:28. > :05:35.agree with the statement. She increased her vote share since 2015.
:05:36. > :05:40.It went up from 37% to 42%. She got hugely more votes. The thing to keep
:05:41. > :05:47.in mind is Conservatives have done somewhat well on some measures and
:05:48. > :05:54.they have screwed up votes from Ukip and the SNP. They increased their
:05:55. > :06:00.number of seats in Scotland from one to 13. It's quite remarkable. It's
:06:01. > :06:07.horrifying. It's not like Scotland to self harm in any way. The speed
:06:08. > :06:13.it's changed is amazing. Ukip got 13% just two years ago. Now they got
:06:14. > :06:22.2%. They are the Lord bucket head of racism. Nobody doubts that if
:06:23. > :06:32.Theresa May had one a majority, she would have torn up human rights
:06:33. > :06:35.while rising slowly into the air like Magneto. She didn't. Now she
:06:36. > :06:43.looks like a cat that knows it's dying. The only difference between
:06:44. > :06:48.her and someone on a psychiatric ward who thinks they are Prime
:06:49. > :06:54.Minister is a salary. Every marginal that she visited, she lost. She is
:06:55. > :06:59.like patient zero of an anti-Tory virus. This week when she should
:07:00. > :07:04.have been preparing for Brexit negotiations, she has literally sat
:07:05. > :07:13.in a room with the DUP listening to someone say," answer the question of
:07:14. > :07:20.juggling on the Sabas." Boris Johnson tried to avoid the
:07:21. > :07:24.opposition during the election. But he was finally cornered in this
:07:25. > :07:30.excruciating moment. It's important that people focus on the... Long
:07:31. > :07:36.time no see, will you go head-to-head with me Boris? I'm
:07:37. > :07:44.being heckled by some Labour MP. Andrew Quinn. If you want to come
:07:45. > :08:01.and join me, you big girl 's blouse. Are we leaving the customs union?
:08:02. > :08:10.Boris, I'm sorry to say... I like it. He took a man and tried to throw
:08:11. > :08:20.him down. It's like a physical manifestation of his policies which
:08:21. > :08:26.are like lock off to the ground! It is unsanctioned to judo. He's having
:08:27. > :08:30.fun because he thinks he's having a shot. Some people defending Theresa
:08:31. > :08:35.May, you just want a mercy kill them, trying to defend her. You can
:08:36. > :08:40.tell they are having diarrhoea as they speak to the camera. Good on
:08:41. > :08:46.him. He's having a nice time because none of this can hurt him. It's a
:08:47. > :08:52.privilege position. Also, he's used to abuse from private school. I
:08:53. > :08:56.imagine he's from the kind of family where he comes home at Christmas and
:08:57. > :09:05.he has to put his name down for hug, or something. I met Boris Johnson's
:09:06. > :09:12.dad. He was really nice to me. At the end of the record, he said well
:09:13. > :09:17.done. Now, is this your real job? Do you have a job that you do in the
:09:18. > :09:28.daytime? It's because he's used to hanging out with hookers. I have to
:09:29. > :09:37.say, for legal reasons, that is not the case. To the best of our
:09:38. > :09:41.knowledge. After Sunday's reshuffle, made's cabinet looks largely
:09:42. > :09:45.unchanged apart from one unexpected addition. Look how Michael Gove
:09:46. > :09:52.couldn't hide his joy at being welcomed back into government. I was
:09:53. > :09:55.quite surprised. I was down in Surrey and join the afternoon with a
:09:56. > :10:00.friend when the phone rang and there was an invitation to go to number
:10:01. > :10:04.ten Downing St. Of course, I knew that today it was reshuffle day. I
:10:05. > :10:06.didn't expect this role. I am delighted to be part of the
:10:07. > :10:13.government and supporting Theresa May. I like the idea that he was
:10:14. > :10:18.surprised when his phone rang because he was with his only friend.
:10:19. > :10:27.Do you think a telephone in history has ever been answered faster? Yes!
:10:28. > :10:32.He's kind of like their thing. They have two appeal to the youth vote
:10:33. > :10:38.that they have lost. They've got Michael Gove back. Because he
:10:39. > :10:44.appears in children's nightmares? Mona, you've been looking at stats
:10:45. > :10:47.to do with the election. As appallingly as Theresa May did, she
:10:48. > :10:52.did surprisingly well in some respects. There is some research to
:10:53. > :10:56.say that women are believed less than men when they say the same
:10:57. > :11:04.thing. They are three times more likely to use the phrase "I think."
:11:05. > :11:17.If you want to be believed, you need to say something like a man told me
:11:18. > :11:20.that I want a sandwich. Moving on. With Theresa May failing to gain a
:11:21. > :11:26.majority, she had no choice but to prop up her government with the help
:11:27. > :11:31.of the Democratic Unionist Party. They have colourful history. Look at
:11:32. > :11:36.this alarming footage from a 1985 documentary of the recently
:11:37. > :11:41.re-elected Gregory Campbell. It's coming around to the band season
:11:42. > :11:46.again! There is one thing that Republicans don't like. I don't like
:11:47. > :11:53.it in this city. That is Protestant marching for their rights and for
:11:54. > :11:57.all that they hold dear! I have no doubt that in that type of situation
:11:58. > :12:09.I would be out on the streets with the people. With arms? Yes, with
:12:10. > :12:13.arms. He was just elected an MP. I have listened to my own stand-up
:12:14. > :12:19.while loading a gun but for different reasons. I can sort of
:12:20. > :12:23.relate to him. I like that the documentary man came in and said
:12:24. > :12:28.we'll get some shots of you before the speech. Shall I do some admin?
:12:29. > :12:34.Many conservatives try to avoid discussing the DUP in the aftermath
:12:35. > :12:40.of May's deal. It is how windswept Ruth Davidson tackled the issue. I
:12:41. > :12:49.spoke of the categoric assurance that talking with the DUP would not
:12:50. > :12:55.result in any rollback of LGBT T GI rights. Also that we would use our
:12:56. > :13:07.influence to advance LGBT rights in Northern Ireland. That's gay self
:13:08. > :13:16.defence that they teach you when you're very young. Here the words
:13:17. > :13:24.Ian Paisley and run! Ruth Davidson is the secret weapon. She is a
:13:25. > :13:36.working-class Tory woman. It is a diversity home wrong. It is not so
:13:37. > :13:47.much of an achievement to appeal to hatred and division in Scotland.
:13:48. > :13:50.Headline from the Belfast Telegraph. That was the guy loading the gun. He
:13:51. > :13:58.is worried about people coming from hell. The one time he used one, his
:13:59. > :14:06.dead grandmother told him he was an ass hole. And she wasn't even dead.
:14:07. > :14:10.How are they getting policies from 1000 years ago if they are not
:14:11. > :14:19.communicating with the dead? Theresa May was not alone in calculating the
:14:20. > :14:24.outcome of the election. Everyone got it wrong. Well, I say everyone.
:14:25. > :14:30.When Theresa May called the election on the 18th, I wrote a prediction on
:14:31. > :14:34.a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope. This is that envelope.
:14:35. > :14:45.Mona, would you open this envelope and read what I wrote. Read out for
:14:46. > :14:54.us, please. OK. It says James Gordon is a prick.
:14:55. > :14:58.Sorry about that James. If you're watching, I think I sent you the
:14:59. > :15:04.wrong letter. LAUGHTER
:15:05. > :15:11.OK. Onto the next proposition. Which is this.
:15:12. > :15:17.Of course, Trump is a real disaster for everybody on earth. He's pulled
:15:18. > :15:20.out of the Paris climate deal, probably because he decided he
:15:21. > :15:26.doesn't care about what the climate is like in Paris. He is stepped up
:15:27. > :15:31.drone strikes, appointed a climate change denier as head of the
:15:32. > :15:38.Environmental Protection Agency, and nullified a bill blocking sales of
:15:39. > :15:42.guns. The world has a clear enemy. We have a clear message to set aside
:15:43. > :15:47.our differences and work together, if America had elected the Daleks.
:15:48. > :15:50.Say what you like about Donald Trump, but he's done things people
:15:51. > :15:56.said were impossible, like make Twitter worse. I always think Trump
:15:57. > :16:03.speaks a bit like a husband who lost control of the domestic finances. In
:16:04. > :16:07.the week before he hangs himself. It's really successful business
:16:08. > :16:12.today. Business meeting, it was really successful. Really, because
:16:13. > :16:19.Diane said she saw you down the park. Did I park meeting, yeah. Some
:16:20. > :16:27.really successful park business. APPLAUSE
:16:28. > :16:32.Rob, do you have any feelings about whether Trump could save the world?
:16:33. > :16:35.Yes, I think he will. You've got some Scottish teenager is going to
:16:36. > :16:40.campaign so hard for Corbyn that he'll become the Prime Minister I
:16:41. > :16:45.think by October 15 and the US will see the left Populus can win the UK
:16:46. > :16:47.and will wipe out the GOP Congress in 2018, nether world will be saved
:16:48. > :16:54.saved. APPLAUSE
:16:55. > :16:58.One of Trump's proudest moments of his presidency was setting the
:16:59. > :17:04.repeal of Obamacare in motion. His celebrating surrounded by prominent
:17:05. > :17:12.Republicans. There we go, the cast of Prostate Cancer, the musical. Of
:17:13. > :17:16.course, many Americans don't share Trump's views on Obamacare. Watch
:17:17. > :17:18.how one Republican congressman learned that the hard way, in this
:17:19. > :17:53.convert is footage. Heckle at a town meeting like that
:17:54. > :18:02.and have it not absorbed as brainstorming. Corpses for the wall.
:18:03. > :18:06.Can I say how many corpses it is? 45,000 Americans each year die
:18:07. > :18:09.directly as a result of not having health insurance. It's important to
:18:10. > :18:14.say these numbers because we are going in a similar direction. It
:18:15. > :18:21.doesn't make any sense. If you look at the way every constituency voted,
:18:22. > :18:23.constituencies where there is a bigger percentage of people in poor
:18:24. > :18:29.health voted Tory. But they just want to die. Wrecking the NHS, I
:18:30. > :18:32.want out of this. Trump makes a lot of gaffes but take a look at him
:18:33. > :18:37.failing to understand what a metaphor is, something he does a
:18:38. > :18:41.lot. George W Bush said the reason the Oval Office is round is there
:18:42. > :18:47.are no corners to hide in. There is truth to that. There is nobody out
:18:48. > :18:51.there. There is an openness but I've never seen anybody out there,
:18:52. > :18:57.actually, as you can imagine. What he meant was it all comes back to
:18:58. > :19:00.you. Sure, it does, I think that is true anyway, but it does.
:19:01. > :19:10.APPLAUSE But what noted moron George W Bush
:19:11. > :19:12.meant... he said it with the resignation of someone who had tried
:19:13. > :19:20.to play hide and seek in there. There's no corners. Earlier this
:19:21. > :19:24.year Trump embarked on his first international talk. In Saudi Arabia
:19:25. > :19:28.Trump said his daughter Ivanka to address the social media conferences
:19:29. > :19:32.do love him. Take a look at this haunting footage of her trying to
:19:33. > :19:36.engage the crowd. We just came from the opening of a new centre to
:19:37. > :19:46.combat terrorism and ideology around terrorism, and we saw that it was
:19:47. > :19:49.built in 30 days. 30 days. That is entrepreneurialism. Once again, we
:19:50. > :19:54.want to thank the Deputy Prime Minister for his vision, his hard
:19:55. > :20:00.work, and for the flawless execution of two amazing days here in Saudi
:20:01. > :20:07.Arabia. First up, don't say execution. Saudi contracts are
:20:08. > :20:12.people who are essentially slaves. It was a clever choice of words done
:20:13. > :20:19.intentionally, so everyone zoning out would go... Honestly, it's
:20:20. > :20:22.really, really dark and frightening. It came out this week factory
:20:23. > :20:27.workers who assemble her clothing line are paid ?130 a month. They are
:20:28. > :20:30.so impoverished they can't afford to live in the same house as their
:20:31. > :20:36.children. They are doing absolutely disgusting things. You can see why
:20:37. > :20:41.she arrived in Saudi Arabia and went, this looks good. Malania saw
:20:42. > :20:47.how women were treated in Saudi Arabia and tried to claim asylum,
:20:48. > :20:53.apparently. I'm wondering like the First Lady, because she seems like
:20:54. > :21:02.not a monster, like him. She's often visibly frightened when public
:21:03. > :21:10.speaking. Thank you. Let us pray. Our father, who art in heaven.
:21:11. > :21:16.Hallowed be thy name. Like kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as
:21:17. > :21:21.it is in heaven. To me that's like the omen sex, that's the start of
:21:22. > :21:23.some horrendous horror movie. She is living a horror movie. She looks
:21:24. > :21:32.like she's trying to unlearn English. If you watch old videos of
:21:33. > :21:37.Malania, you are right, she has unlearned English. She is less good
:21:38. > :21:41.in Ingush was ten years ago. I feel like she is mentally regressing to
:21:42. > :21:49.the time before she knew him. She is now the only make a wish patron who
:21:50. > :21:53.is also a client. I wonder if as she learns English she starts to
:21:54. > :22:00.understand Donald better. Oh, this makes sense now! This life is not a
:22:01. > :22:05.good life and they show those photos she takes on her social media, just
:22:06. > :22:08.looking out. Speaking of that, you know she has like a First Lady
:22:09. > :22:12.Twitter account and she put up picture the other day. Looking
:22:13. > :22:16.forward to the memories we'll make in our new home. Looking forward to
:22:17. > :22:22.the memories. There is someone who is living in a moment. I can't wait
:22:23. > :22:26.until this is just a memory. She is lit candles in the day. You can see
:22:27. > :22:30.how they've been blown out, just by her screaming.
:22:31. > :22:35.LAUGHTER Trump sometimes conducts business in
:22:36. > :22:42.a sleazy manner, as this documentary following him around Scotland to
:22:43. > :22:49.demonstrate. Scotland... You won't be going to the Miss universe
:22:50. > :22:56.pageant. Who's going? Who's going? How do you rate? Do you think she's
:22:57. > :23:06.good? I don't know. Yes. Are you from this area? That's not so bad.
:23:07. > :23:26.She may want to work... APPLAUSE
:23:27. > :23:30.Sales and stuff. And stuff! That and stuff is working hard. Thing is that
:23:31. > :23:35.such a good example, people at home, those guys who got -- go up the
:23:36. > :23:39.goals at bus stops and the guide politely laughs at you because you
:23:40. > :23:45.are terrifying. That is what it looks like. She doesn't like you,
:23:46. > :23:53.she's scared. You were naturally drawn to me... Over the years Trump
:23:54. > :23:58.has put his name to many products, including in 2007, his own range of
:23:59. > :24:03.stakes. Here's Trump's enthusiastic endorsement for his stakes. When it
:24:04. > :24:06.comes to great steaks I've just raised the stakes. Trump stakes are
:24:07. > :24:09.the world's greatest steaks and I mean that in every sense of the
:24:10. > :24:14.world. One bite and you will know exactly what I'm talking about. And
:24:15. > :24:15.believe me, I understand stakes. It's my favourite food.
:24:16. > :24:28.APPLAUSE When he says he understands steak, I
:24:29. > :24:36.think he means he understands the words steak. You are the stake,
:24:37. > :24:43.that's how hunger works, you are going 5-7 days' time, I fancy a. --
:24:44. > :24:48.I fancy a steak. Perhaps it will be left with my neighbour. The Reader's
:24:49. > :24:54.Digest and steak. That was his business idea, send me through the
:24:55. > :24:58.post. And locking kidnap it. Maybe this is his whole plan, he will get
:24:59. > :25:04.bigger and bigger so he can build his steak brand and eventually
:25:05. > :25:08.everyone in the world will get a steak. You know like that U2 album
:25:09. > :25:14.that nobody wanted? You open your front door, there is a steak. He
:25:15. > :25:19.said he was going to save the world. You just fed everyone. What about
:25:20. > :25:26.the vegetarians. It's a free state, Mona. To sum up Donald Trump will
:25:27. > :25:32.save the world. How is he going to save it? Simple. By destroying all
:25:33. > :25:37.human life. He's going to save the world by locking every single person
:25:38. > :25:42.who lives on it. Standing in an open robe, with his shrivelled spray
:25:43. > :25:47.tanned ball sack expectantly, he points a tiny finger at the future
:25:48. > :25:50.of humanity and beckons it to his massive golden lock bed. Duality
:25:51. > :25:55.will form itself into a giant hopeless vagina. I myself will be
:25:56. > :26:01.the clitoris, or the anus, I haven't decided yet. Nor do I know if I'll
:26:02. > :26:08.be given the option. All I know for sure is that Trump is going to lock
:26:09. > :26:15.us all, every man, woman, dog, rhinoceros, rabbit, chicken, James
:26:16. > :26:18.Gordon. I only hope God films it. He could show the footage to the
:26:19. > :26:22.civilisations on other planets, both as a warning, or is a bit of a
:26:23. > :26:25.treat. LAUGHTER
:26:26. > :26:30.But the earth itself will survive and eventually, billions of years
:26:31. > :26:34.from now, the earth will shake off it shame. Every trace of humanity
:26:35. > :26:38.will be gone to be replaced by a fresh and wondrous ecology, teeming
:26:39. > :26:41.with life and hope, just in time for it to be obliterated by the
:26:42. > :26:44.exploding sun. LAUGHTER
:26:45. > :26:49.And no one will ever know that Donald Trump saved the world, apart
:26:50. > :26:51.from God, of course, until he too forgets, when he's eventually
:26:52. > :26:57.consumed by celestial dementia. LAUGHTER
:26:58. > :27:01.Just time to thank my guests. Thanks to Sara Pascoe, Katherine Ryan, Rob
:27:02. > :27:09.Delaney and Mona Chalobah. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
:27:10. > :27:15.But before I go, I'd like to leave you with this thought. Earlier this
:27:16. > :27:22.month something extraordinary and. A 31-year-old climber, Alex hobbled,
:27:23. > :27:27.completed a 3000 foot rope free ascent of Al Kapitan in your Samiti
:27:28. > :27:30.National Park. Impressed as I am by his almost superhuman tenacity, his
:27:31. > :27:36.grip on that sheer Californian granite is as nothing, nothing,
:27:37. > :27:39.compared to Theresa May's determination to cling onto.
:27:40. > :27:46.LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
:27:47. > :27:53.She has almost no footholds left, only a few weirdly shaped crags of
:27:54. > :27:58.the DUP the claw at with her feverish fingertips. 1000 feet from
:27:59. > :28:02.the ground with no safety net, no route up or down, just hire willing
:28:03. > :28:06.-- howling gale of criticism buffeting her from all directions,
:28:07. > :28:11.and yet she hangs on. She has no choice. Cling on, or disappear.
:28:12. > :28:18.Exist, or die. And that's why deep down I her. In a way I love her.
:28:19. > :28:21.LAUGHTER Theresa May is all others, clinging
:28:22. > :28:27.onto our hopeless lives come our shitty dreams full stop she's locked
:28:28. > :28:32.into a next essential rictus of terror, devoid as we know of any
:28:33. > :28:37.other human quality except tenacity, having no spark of which, no warmth,
:28:38. > :28:41.no sincerity, no empathy, nothing except her refusal to let go and
:28:42. > :28:44.tumble away onto the blessed release of the rocks below.
:28:45. > :28:47.LAUGHTER What they locking monster.
:28:48. > :28:50.APPLAUSE Good night.
:28:51. > :29:25.APPLAUSE # No one man should have
:29:26. > :29:27.all that power... # MUSIC: Power
:29:28. > :29:35.by Kanye West # No one man should have
:29:36. > :29:39.all that power... #