0:00:15 > 0:00:17Hey, Amara, just wanted to say,
0:00:17 > 0:00:20great job cleaning those grease traps. Spotless.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Kind of inspiring, really.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Thanks, mate.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Yeah, we are mates...
0:00:27 > 0:00:28So, you up to much?
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Besides cleaning grease traps? Mainly living the dream.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33JOE LAUGHS
0:00:36 > 0:00:40You know how, last week, you mentioned you liked boys in bands?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Well, by coincidence,
0:00:42 > 0:00:44I've been learning the guitar.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Maybe you should come round mine and...
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I could serenade you?
0:00:49 > 0:00:50As mates.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Joe, you need to stop doing this.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Doing what?
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Clumsily asking me out - and then, when I inevitably say "no" -
0:00:57 > 0:00:59making this face.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I don't do that.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I've got to go and stand over there.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Mate, that was the most brutal thing I've ever seen -
0:01:11 > 0:01:14and last night, I saw a YouTube of a bullfighter
0:01:14 > 0:01:16getting gored in the dick.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Greetings, fellow chicken-nauts!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21And are we ready to blast off into the atmosphere?
0:01:21 > 0:01:25Or should I say "batter-mosphere"?
0:01:25 > 0:01:29Er, point being, it's time for us to take "one giant leap"...
0:01:29 > 0:01:32in terms of customer service.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34What the hell you talking about, woman?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36There's no customers to serve.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Good observation actually, Shontal -
0:01:38 > 0:01:41because we have been empty for both the Post-School Rush
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and the 5pm Stoner Stampede...
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Maybe it's to do with that?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Excuse me, coming through. I'm a chicken professional.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56This is work, not pleasure, thank you.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Sorry, can I help you?
0:01:59 > 0:02:03Hello! Mary Fawn, manager, Seriously Fried Chicken.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05I come in peace -
0:02:05 > 0:02:08or should I say, ten PIECES...
0:02:08 > 0:02:09of chicken.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13It's an offering, manager to manager,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16because, er... Well, I for one welcome healthy competition.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20That's very kind. Um, but I'm sort of watching my figure.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Margot.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Mary Fawn, manager.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Well, I think it's important
0:02:26 > 0:02:29us chicken gals stick together, don't you?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31God knows it can be lonely at the top.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32I suppose.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Customers always complaining,
0:02:35 > 0:02:38men won't go out with you, cos they're too intimidated...
0:02:38 > 0:02:42You break down crying several times a day...
0:02:42 > 0:02:45MARY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:02:45 > 0:02:46It's quite an operation you've got here!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Oh, we like to think so!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50What brings you to Croydon?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Oh, we saw a gap in the market.- Ha!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Not really a gap though, is there, with us just around the corner...?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I suppose I meant for proper food.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Oh sorry, that came out, er...
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Well, you know.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I love... I love this healthy competition!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14JOE CLUMSILY PLAYS GUITAR
0:03:14 > 0:03:18# And I will try to fix you. #
0:03:24 > 0:03:27So, when you making your next move? My suggestion...
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- I didn't ask for one... - ..tell her you're terminally ill.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Girls love a charity case
0:03:31 > 0:03:34and tears are a powerful lubricant, my friend.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36OK, A - that's the worst thing I've ever heard.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39And B - I don't need any suggestions,
0:03:39 > 0:03:40cos I'm giving up.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44There's only so much humiliation I can take.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What? Mate, you can't give up.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50It's like the time I tried to break my record for most wanks in a day.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Sure, I wanted to give up after the eighth one,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55but I managed, through perseverance...
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- ..and by putting a finger up... - Oh, please stop talking.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Hello, everyone.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Um, now you're probably all wondering why I've called you here...
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- No.- Not really. - Couldn't give a shit.
0:04:09 > 0:04:14Now, I want to address the Poulet situation head-on.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Now, I know that our recent lack of custom has been unsettling...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21What? I'm loving it.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Give me more time to study my Mandarin.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Why are you learning Chinese?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Why shouldn't I?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30They're going to be the world's foremost superpower by 2020!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- OK...- No, what I mean is, Seriously Fried Chicken
0:04:34 > 0:04:37shouldn't be afraid of a little healthy competition.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Mary's right, we shouldn't be afraid -
0:04:40 > 0:04:41we should be terrified.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44This is an unprecedented threat on a colossal scale...
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Thanks, Derek.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Well, I for one think that we can take on Poulet and win.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yeah! Like, let's mess them up!
0:04:51 > 0:04:54We could get one of their burgers, yeah, and fill it with pubes.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- And then be like... - MUNCHES
0:04:57 > 0:05:00"Ugh! Whoa - I didn't order pubic hair with this".
0:05:00 > 0:05:02No, no, under no circumstances.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Come on, I've got a bag of mine right here...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Oh, God. I feel sick...
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Why have you got them on you?
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Be prepared, innit? Plus, I like to keep everything smooth down there.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Like a sea-lion.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17There will be no need for such antics, thank you, Ed -
0:05:17 > 0:05:20because I, your manager,
0:05:20 > 0:05:24will come up with a brilliant plan to bring customers back.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26And what would that be, then, hm?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31There are many, many possibilities.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33So, for example...
0:05:35 > 0:05:39..Joe could play his guitar outside the shop to drum up business...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Oh, God, no.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44..by singing - and I'm blue-skying here -
0:05:44 > 0:05:47a famous song, but with the lyrics changed
0:05:47 > 0:05:48to be about Seriously Fried Chicken.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49What would that even be?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Um, OK, so, for example, um...
0:05:52 > 0:05:54something like,
0:05:54 > 0:05:59# Don't you wish your nuggets were nice like mine
0:05:59 > 0:06:02# Don't you wish your nuggets came with fries like mine. #
0:06:04 > 0:06:07But, I mean, obviously better than that.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10# Don't you wish your nuggets were nice like mine... #
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Chicken pricks!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15# Don't you wish your nuggets came with fries like mine
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- # Don't you. #- Get a real job!
0:06:17 > 0:06:18# Don't you. #
0:06:18 > 0:06:20This is so embarrassing.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24What? Them people are loving it! They keep chucking us coins.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26No, they keep throwing coins at us.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Right, forget this. I'm going to pay a visit to those van wankers.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33Let's just say things are about to get a bit hairy.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Definitely don't do that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Too late - the wheels are already in motion.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39All right, little fellas? Now's your time to shine.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Hey...- Please, don't hurt me!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Sorry, I thought you were going to throw coins at me
0:06:49 > 0:06:50or call me a chicken prick.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53That wouldn't get us off to a good start, would it?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I'm Jo Jo. I work at Poulet Etc.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Joe. Just the one.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Nice performance. I liked the bit about the nuggets.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02- JOE LAUGHS - Yeah...
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Guess I was going for that Jimi Hendrix-type vibe.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07That came across.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I'd love to know if you have any gigs coming up.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Here's my number.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Your number?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17For, like...
0:07:17 > 0:07:18to call you with?
0:07:18 > 0:07:22Unless you're not allowed to date girls from rival chicken shops?
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Man, this Poulet burger is amazing!
0:07:31 > 0:07:32All due respect, boss,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I'm not sure you appreciate the gravity of this situation.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I've seen it happen before.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41When I were at Wimpy, we had a Burger King move in on our turf.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46Our manager, Steve, he thought we could just stay chipper,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48ride out the storm.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Two months later, we were out of business and Steve was dead.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Oh, my God - what, he killed himself?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56No, got hit by a tram.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Still, makes you think.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01- Does it?- Look, Mary - let's cut the crap.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I hate you and you hate me...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05What? You... You hate me?
0:08:05 > 0:08:06It's a figure of speech.
0:08:06 > 0:08:11My point is, we'll only survive this Poulet Etc threat
0:08:11 > 0:08:13if we work together.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Use me, Mary.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Let me be your tool.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Thanks, Derek. I appreciate that.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23PHONE VIBRATES
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Yes!
0:08:28 > 0:08:29What's up?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Did you win your eBay bid on that Doctor Who duvet?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33No, I've got a date tonight.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Oh, it's the 14th.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38What? No, I didn't ask the date, I said I've got a date.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Sorry, I'm not following you.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41I've got a date!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44I'm having dinner with Jo Jo, from Poulet.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47She's so great - we really seem to get each other.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Oh. That's great, mate.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53My advice? Treat her mean, keep her keen.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54That's why, when I'm in a club,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I always introduce myself to ladies by saying...
0:08:57 > 0:08:59"I'm going to kill you".
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Works every time.
0:09:02 > 0:09:06OK, that's less "advice" than "obvious bullshit".
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Treat her mean, keep her keen.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12If it ain't true, then how come it rhymes?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Yeah, exactly!
0:09:17 > 0:09:21So, we haven't had a customer in the last 48 hours.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23And I know that you lot -
0:09:23 > 0:09:27whose commitment to Seriously Fried Chicken inspires me every day -
0:09:27 > 0:09:29are crying out. And you're saying,
0:09:29 > 0:09:35"Mary, please use your immense managerial talent to save our shop."
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Well, fear no more, for I have heeded your call.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44I present to you the ultimate weapon in the fight against Poulet -
0:09:44 > 0:09:47our very own hashtag!
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I have been tweeting this bad boy all day.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52And as soon as it starts, um, trending,
0:09:52 > 0:09:54we will be flooded with hip, young...
0:09:54 > 0:09:56What are "shit nuggets"?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Eh, I beg your pardon?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01The sign - "Seriously Fried Chicken shit nuggets".
0:10:01 > 0:10:04No, er, no, cos it says "Seriously Fried Chicken's hit nuggets".
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Because our nuggets are always such a hit.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09They won't be, if you call them "shit nuggets".
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Well, don't... I....don't...er...
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Stop saying that, cos it's not that.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16It... Come on, this is the start of the fightback, guys.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20This is Seriously Fried Chicken, united, taking a stand...
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Mmm, God! It's like my mouth is having a lovely orgasm.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Ed, can you please not eat Poulet in here?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Sorry, boss. This is so much better than our shit nuggets.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Right, I'm off for my date.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37My date I'm having with Jo Jo.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43God, when's he going to stop banging on about "Jo Jo"?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46Fact is, you've been bitten by the green-eyed monster.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Like I'd be jealous of someone desperate enough to go out with Joe.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53That girl must be a state.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Hey, tiger. Ready to go?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Absolutely.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Wish me luck!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02SHONTAL SPEAKS HER LANGUAGE
0:11:11 > 0:11:14This place is great - really unpretentious.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Yeah, I'm kind of a regular here.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Sometimes, instead of having a main,
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I'll just get two kids' meals - it's more food for less money.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23That is so smart.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27You know, I was nervous there'd be some kind of catch,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30but I'm actually having a really good time.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I feel so comfortable around you.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Here you go, here's your bill.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Oh, out of cash.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45I work in a chicken shop, so I'm pretty loaded.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47No, it's fine, I'll take care of it.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Whoa...
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Are you stealing?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Yeah. Do it all the time.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- What if she caught you? - Oh, I'm sure I could handle her.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I've been in loads of fights.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17And on the way home, she started yelling at this poster of Ben Fogle.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20I'm worried she might be kind of a psycho.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Yeah, a fit psycho. Well worth it, mate.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- I could be in danger! - I'll tell you what's in danger -
0:12:25 > 0:12:28your lad points, if you don't get with her.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Why do I tell you things?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I'm definitely not seeing Jo Jo again.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Oh, hey, Joe. Wow, looking good.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Have you been working out?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39No.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43But I did recently switch to drinking Diet Fanta...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Well, maybe we can get some Diet Fantas together some time.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- Yeah, boy!- What was that?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53I seen this in a porn -
0:12:53 > 0:12:56now that you're taken, she's totally got the hots for you!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Come on, no. She once called me the sexual equivalent of cress.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Everyone knows being with a fit girl makes other girls fancy you.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06That's basic maths. You got to keep seeing Jo Jo, make Amara jealous!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08You think?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Mate, I take a keen interest in female psychology.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Why do you think I watch so much girl-on-girl, huh?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Mary, are you all right?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Mmm, absolutely, yes, why wouldn't I be?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Healthy competition, thrive on the stuff.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28I haven't slept in 72 hours, but weak is for the sleep.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Right. It's just earlier, you did deep-fry your phone
0:13:31 > 0:13:33and call me "Daddy".
0:13:35 > 0:13:37May I confess something to you, Derek?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I'm afraid.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41I haven't been this worried
0:13:41 > 0:13:44since Gareth suggested I start sleeping in the bath.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I have been up all night brainstorming
0:13:47 > 0:13:49and the best idea I've had is...
0:13:51 > 0:13:52..cat waiters.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Which means literally nothing.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57I mean, yes, it would be cute,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59but how are they going to carry the trays?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01How are they going to deal with the complaints...?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Permission to speak freely, boss? - Erm, permission granted.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06The time for niceties is over. This is a street fight.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08If you really want to beat these guys,
0:14:08 > 0:14:10you've got to cover yourself in grease
0:14:10 > 0:14:12and wrestle them naked to the ground.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16I'm not sure that's how street fights work, but go on.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19I took the liberty of acquiring this from young Edward's locker.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Let's say you "found" a couple of these bad boys in a Poulet burger.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Who'd be laughing then?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30I can't. It would go against my every managerial principle.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31You got any better ideas?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Empty the till, now!- Shit!
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I'm kidding! Just wanted to see how my boyfriend's doing.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Oh, OK...
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Boyfriend?- Yeah!
0:14:51 > 0:14:55I mean, I assumed, what with dinner and holding hands,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57and the theft...
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I thought things were going really well.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Do you not want to go out with me?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Well...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Of course I do! Oh, hi, Amara, didn't see you there.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I don't really notice anything when I'm with my...
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Love-Puffin.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Cool...
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Toilet's overflowed. Derek wants you on mop duty.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25I should get back to Poulet.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Can't afford to lose this job -
0:15:27 > 0:15:29they're like the only place that'll hire me, with my,
0:15:29 > 0:15:32you know, criminal record.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Criminal record?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Oh, bit of attempted this, aggravated that...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Anyway, see you tonight, Love-Puffin.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Mary, hi!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Hi-ello!
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Um, just thought I'd see how my fellow chicken gal was getting on.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I'm great, thanks.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02We just had some lovely reviews in.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Croydon Foodie said we're "transcendent".
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Gosh. They called us "A threat to public health".
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I mean, since when have two rats been an "infestation"?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Um, I'd like a burger, please.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Just thought I'd check out the competition.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Amazing! You should so try our Sardinian Chicken Surprise.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Yes, I think we'll both be surprised...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27How much do I owe you?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Hey, it's on the house. Manager-to-manager.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34No, I think that I should pay for...
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Hey, what's that?
0:16:40 > 0:16:41That...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Those....
0:16:44 > 0:16:45They're spices.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51Mysterious spices, from the Orient.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Cool! Can I have a taste?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54No, I'd really rather that you didn't.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Come on! I promise we won't steal your recipe...- No!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Oh! God, sorry!
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Er...are you OK?
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Fine.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Just got some oriental spices on me, is all...
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I might go and wash them off.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Quite a lot went in my mouth.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24Hey, man. Check out this sweet hat.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Poulet gives you one for free when you have your 20th burger!
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- But they've only been open for three days.- Yeah, I know.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33How's the love life?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Er, Jo Jo is a bit...terrifying.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I reckon I should break it off.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40What about if she breaks it off?
0:17:40 > 0:17:41I'm talking about your dick.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Yeah, maybe do that less?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Mate, you can't give up on the jealousy plan.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48You've nearly got Amara exactly where you want her -
0:17:48 > 0:17:49in bed with you.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52She did say I look less spindly than usual.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I should go speak to her.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Oh, hi. Jo Jo, isn't it?
0:18:00 > 0:18:01I'm Amara.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03This area's kind of employees only...
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Oops, sorry.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09It's always a pain when someone goes where they're not allowed.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12By the way, what's the deal with you and Joe?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Joe?
0:18:14 > 0:18:15We're just mates.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20Feels like there's a vibe between you guys. Am I crazy?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Trust me, you've got nothing to worry about.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24That's a relief.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Because if you did try anything,
0:18:26 > 0:18:28I'd have to wait in the car park after dark
0:18:28 > 0:18:30and slash your Achilles tendons.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32LAUGHTER I'm not joking.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36You don't want to find out what I'm willing to do.
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Boss, are you sure you should be having all them Lambrinis?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51This is my darkest hour, Derek.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53No customers,
0:18:53 > 0:18:54haven't slept in days...
0:18:55 > 0:19:00Also, I keep finding Ed's pubic hairs down my collar.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01MARY SOBS
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Hey, hey, hey, don't cry.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04Makes you look grotesque.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Perhaps I should just accept defeat.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15You mustn't give up.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19That's not the Mary Stamatopoulos I know.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20My surname's "Fawn".
0:19:21 > 0:19:26Well, it doesn't matter. All that matters is this place. These people.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Think - what does Seriously Fried Chicken have
0:19:29 > 0:19:30that Poulet never could?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34A patch of mould that looks like Wayne Rooney?
0:19:34 > 0:19:39No! A manager who loves it more than anything in the world.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40And, as much as I hate you...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42You hate me?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Figure of speech.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46..I know that you can take on these monsters and win!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50You're right.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52You're right!
0:19:52 > 0:19:56I may have taken some knocks this week.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01I may have even stooped to attempting pubic sabotage,
0:20:01 > 0:20:06but perhaps that's just what Mary Fawn needed
0:20:06 > 0:20:11in order to come up with the most ingenious management idea
0:20:11 > 0:20:13anyone has ever had!
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Hi.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28I couldn't believe the news when I heard it,
0:20:28 > 0:20:30just within this last hour...
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Thank you.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34The police think it was arson.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I mean, who could have done this?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Probably the young toughs that frequent the area.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Yeah, that's who it will have been.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Those aforementioned youngs...
0:20:56 > 0:20:58JOE PLAYS GUITAR
0:21:00 > 0:21:03- Hey, mate. What's up?- Nothing.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Just having a nice, non-sexual conversation with my co-worker.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Everyone can see that!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- Hello.- Ah!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13I mean, "Ace, it's my Love-Puffin".
0:21:15 > 0:21:16I'm sorry your job burnt down.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19It's probs for the best - I was taking a lot from the register.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24What were you and Amara talking about?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26What? Oh, nothing.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Don't ever betray me.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Yeah, no, I won't be doing that.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Oh, God, I've made a huge mistake.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57What's this about huge mistake? I haven't made a huge mistake.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59No-one will ever know who burned down Poulet.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01I mean, anyone could have gone mad on Lambrini
0:22:01 > 0:22:04and sleep deprivation and done something rash around 3am...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07I was talking about Jo Jo. Mary, did you burn down the van?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09MARY GIGGLES No!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11That is just about the most ridiculous...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13- Please don't tell anyone.- What?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Oh, my God, they've come to take me away.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I'm not made for prison. I mean, which gang should I join?
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Just act normal, OK?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Um, Miss Fawn? I'm PC Hughes.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I'm making some informal enquiries into last night's incident
0:22:29 > 0:22:32involving the Poulet Etc van.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Va... V-v-an...? Van...
0:22:35 > 0:22:39We've all seen a van. NERVOUS GIGGLE
0:22:44 > 0:22:48I have a...disorder of the sweat glands.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50It's like crying with your whole skin.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54I demand a lawyer!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56As I say, this is an informal enquiry.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Is there something you want to tell me?
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Well, I...
0:23:04 > 0:23:07That is to say...
0:23:07 > 0:23:09I...
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Actually, officer... This is hard to say,
0:23:11 > 0:23:14but one of their staff - Jo Jo, I think her name is -
0:23:14 > 0:23:17has, like, prior convictions.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19You might want to talk to her.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21That's a serious accusation.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23Are you sure?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Yes. Yes, I am.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Thanks for your help.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35And I really would get that sweat thing checked out.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40Thank you, Joe.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Don't mention it.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Like, literally don't mention it.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- ALARM BEEPS - Ah, 11am -
0:23:49 > 0:23:51time for my first double Poulet burger of the day!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Wait, have you not heard?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Their van got torched.
0:23:55 > 0:23:56What?
0:23:57 > 0:24:02NO!
0:24:03 > 0:24:07WHY?!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10You can have one of ours.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Yeah, actually, I prefer these anyway. Cheers.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Thank you very much. Cheers.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18- Mary, hello!- Oh, hi.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Um, I just came to see if I could be of any help, really.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Us chicken gals got to stick together.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28That's sweet, but really, I'm fine.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Just talked to the insurance people -
0:24:30 > 0:24:32turns out we're getting a fortune.
0:24:32 > 0:24:37Enough to move to a permanent location in a much better area.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41In a way, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- Oh, right. Well, I'm glad...- Gavin! - CAR HORN BEEPS
0:24:43 > 0:24:45There's Gavin, my husband.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47He's just back from his medical conference
0:24:47 > 0:24:50and now, we're going for a five-star spa weekend.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Mary, it's been really interesting, meeting you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Best of luck with KFC.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I won...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I always knew they'd be back.
0:25:20 > 0:25:25I guess Poulet couldn't handle a bit of healthy competition.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Or should I say, they couldn't take the heat!
0:25:29 > 0:25:30You definitely shouldn't.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42So, I broke up with Jo Jo.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- How did she take it?- Not great, no.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47But it's fine, cos she's under house arrest now,
0:25:47 > 0:25:49so she can only stab me to death
0:25:49 > 0:25:51if I'm within 30 metres of her property.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Nice work, Casanova.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Would you still be up for getting that drink?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Obviously not.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Right. Yeah, of course.