0:00:02 > 0:00:04Right, you dae one of Nelson Mandela.
0:00:06 > 0:00:07Today!
0:00:07 > 0:00:08< Three, two, one...
0:00:09 > 0:00:11THEY LAUGH
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Aw, that's brilliant!
0:00:15 > 0:00:18< Why is he asleep?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20He's pure gouching, look at him.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26DRAMATIC DRUMROLL
0:00:48 > 0:00:51OK, lads, listen up. I've just been talking to the Captain.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Has anyone seen my, erm...?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Ah!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Chaps, at ease.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02The firemen strike, you've heard?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Not. I was just saying, seeing as you're the chaps that drive the...erm...
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Tank?- Yeah.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13You should be in charge of the, erm...
0:01:13 > 0:01:17So, to outline, I shall leave you once again in the very capable hands of Sergeant, erm...
0:01:17 > 0:01:20To get you in the very best of fire fighting...
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Good.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Thank you very much, Captain. That was superb.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Carry on.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35Now lads, the boys and larger ladies of the fire service
0:01:35 > 0:01:37fancy a few days off to count their wonga,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40so we, the 5th Emergency service, will be stepping in
0:01:40 > 0:01:43to provide fire support cover over the strike period.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48As of tomorrow, we are expected to be on standby for all 999 emergency calls.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Questions?
0:01:51 > 0:01:58- Yes, Corporal.- Is it true that 95% of fires are caused by chips?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01No, but it is true that 95% of stupid questions
0:02:01 > 0:02:03result in a baw booting!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Now, you need get drilled and skilled in the art of fire destruction sharpish.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Full equipment check, in the yard, 1400.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12The Goddesses are in the east bays, yours is 17.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15She's legal then? Oi, oi!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18She is the property of the British Army, so McLintoch,
0:02:18 > 0:02:22I expect you and your merry monkeys to show her due respect.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27Oh, don't worry, Sarge, like the song says, we'll treat her with RSPCT.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Well put. Now get a move on.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Um... Erm...
0:02:37 > 0:02:39It doesnae actually bother me that we cannae go on strike.
0:02:39 > 0:02:45I mean, in some ways it's good, cos like, like, say you were in a job that some folk wanted
0:02:45 > 0:02:50to go on strike, and some folk didnae want to go on strike.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54It just means that, here, in the army, well, you cannae go on strike.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56So you don't have to pick a side.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01And I think actually that the army's different
0:03:01 > 0:03:05cos it's no' got the kinda folk that would want to go on strike.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Well, in some ways it does because we've got like, nurses and doctors,
0:03:09 > 0:03:13but there's nae coal miners and like, nae train drivers.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15But, even if they wanted to,
0:03:15 > 0:03:19right, even if they said "Oh, look, oh, I'm no' diggin' any more coal",
0:03:19 > 0:03:23or whatever, they'd just be telt, "You, get your lamp back on, you're in the army!"
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Or "You just better drive that train, we need to get to Carlisle!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29"You're in the army!"
0:03:29 > 0:03:32And that's that.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And like sometimes, you just need that, eh?
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Cos like, imagine what would happen like, if everyone went on strike.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Like literally, everybody,
0:03:43 > 0:03:48and you wouldn't even be able to buy...milk,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51unless the army
0:03:51 > 0:03:54milked the cows.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56And we would.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Cos that's what we do.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Do you think if we went on strike, they'd get the firemen to step in for us?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Those fat bastards wouldnae last a minute.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Technically, we cannae strike.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11The closest thing would be to lobby the British Armed Forces Federation
0:04:11 > 0:04:14and they would take it to the Executive Council.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Yeah, I knew that.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I'm just saying, you know, if we did.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18But we cannae.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Charlie, shut up. All I'm wondering is, if the army go on strike,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- then who would step in?- The police.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- But what if they were on strike? - They cannae strike either.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Aye, but what if they did?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Shut up, would youse?! We cannae strike, the police cannae strike.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34The firemen have striked, cos they're fat lazy bastards.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38They're just executing their civil right to strike.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42Mair like executing their civil right to sit aboot eating bacon rolls!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- It's no' as if they're fighting fires all day!- Cats.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48They sometimes get cats, I've seen that.
0:04:49 > 0:04:54See, and it's no' just about fires, Jacko, they have to go to road accidents.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I dinnae like cats.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I hope we don't have to go and rescue a cat.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00They make my eyes feel...funny.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02What's this to you anyhow?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- They're just after mair money. - It's no' just about money.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06I can actually see where they're coming fae.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Why have they gone on strike?- Well, it's partially money.- All money.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Naw.- Of course it's all to dae wi' money, Charlie.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18I mean, folk might say pay and conditions, but actually what they mean is pay, conditions and money.
0:05:18 > 0:05:23Naw, it's aboot working hours, equipment and safety concerns.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Safety con...! Of course there's safety concerns, they put out fires!
0:05:27 > 0:05:31That's their job. If you can't stand the heat, then stay out the fire engine.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Spot on.- I'm just being devil's advocate here.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Well, if I was the devil, I would sack you.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Oi, oi! What are youse waiting outside for?
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Cos you've got the key.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44# I've got the secret! #
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Have you got the key?- Aye.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51# I've got the key to another way-ee-ay!
0:05:51 > 0:05:55# I got the key I got the secret
0:05:55 > 0:05:59# I got the key to another way... #
0:05:59 > 0:06:01SINGING DIES OUT
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Right, I'm going on strike.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08DRUM ROLL
0:06:16 > 0:06:21It reminds me of the toy trucks I used to play with when I was wee.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Except mine was a red Ferrari.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Aye, they were brought in during the Cold War,
0:06:25 > 0:06:28designed with a nuclear attack in mind.
0:06:28 > 0:06:35The design's actually based on the old Bedford RL series but they've stopped making the original tyres.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Do you ever bore yoursel', Charlie?
0:06:38 > 0:06:43Look at it. It's like something oot o' Dad's Army.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Remember? "Don't tell them your name, Pike!"
0:06:45 > 0:06:49But that was his name! That was funny. And that old boy, what was he called?
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Mainwaring?
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- Nah.- Jonesy?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Naw, the old boy?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57"We're do-o-o-o-med." Him?
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Nah. What was it he used to say? he would be like,
0:07:00 > 0:07:04IN BAD FRENCH ACCENT: Ah wis just "pissing."
0:07:04 > 0:07:07That's 'Allo 'Allo, Gary... The policeman.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09He wisnae even old.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Well, he wis old to me when I was watching it!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14And it was aboot the war, so just...aye.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Shit, we're late. C'mon, hurry up.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25FAST TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Right, lads, these oil drums represent two oil tankers which have crashed on a busy motorway.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54- Oh, aye, I see that.- The medical services have removed the injured drivers, but a danger remains.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Which is?- Is it that they've missed something in the X-ray,
0:07:57 > 0:07:59and they die later of complications?
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Not quite, Dr Finlay.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Petrol tank's ruptured and it's going to explode.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- Nae need.- Correct.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Kenning, Smith, take these matches and go and relive your youth!
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Putting out two oil drums with a 1950s converted ice-cream van?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Watch oot Al-Qaeda.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Hose ready!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Stand firm! Water on!
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Go!
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- We need it mair than that. - It's stuck.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Stuck? I'll stick you in a minute.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Hurry up! Get it on.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Charlie? Just turn it on!
0:08:51 > 0:08:5471! 72!
0:08:56 > 0:08:5773!
0:08:57 > 0:09:0174!
0:09:01 > 0:09:07Come on, keep going. 17 to go. That's it, boys.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10I dinnae really think that by marching doon the street,
0:09:10 > 0:09:15you're gonna be changing that much, apart from maybe the traffic routes.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18But it disnae stop people, eh?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22I mean, I think that for some folk, they just like the walk.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27And I suppose, if it is a nice day, and there's a protest march on, you maybe think, "Well, why no'?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"I've just had a big lunch, a walk would help", right?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34And that is fair enough, right, but you see, the problem is these days,
0:09:34 > 0:09:38that a lot of these folk just go on the marches, ken, just to like, to go radge.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Like to smash stuff up and, you know, I've seen that.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I've seen that in that London, but then you know,
0:09:45 > 0:09:49folk in London are always, ken, you know, moanin' aboot stuff
0:09:49 > 0:09:54like poll tax, digestion charges, oh, the government.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57You know? And it's always London, eh?
0:09:57 > 0:10:02It is, but folk say that aboot London, that it makes you angry when you get there.
0:10:02 > 0:10:08And it does actually, cos I once went to that Madame "Two Swords", right?
0:10:09 > 0:10:1625 quid to get in, and he never even looked like Robbie Williams.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17I was raging.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26DISCO RINGTONE PLAYS
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Hello, United Nations.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34No, Julie, it's me. It's Gary.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Right, just, right, calm doon!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40All I can hear is broken doon, broken doon present?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Right, your car's broken doon, and you've got me a present.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49OK, just listen to me carefully.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51What is my present?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Dinnae worry, I won't tell Jacko.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Tell Jacko whit?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Julie's broken her car.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Sorry Julie, somebody must a' told him.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- What's the matter wi' it? - What's the matter wi' it?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Won't start. - Has she put the keys in it?
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Have you put the keys in it?
0:11:08 > 0:11:0920 times.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Right, dinnae stress, we'll come up and get you, awright?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15OK, see ya later.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Right, come on then, let's go. She's got me a present.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25MUSIC: "Never Miss a Beat" by KAISER CHIEFS
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Turn that up.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29# What do you want for tea? I want crisps! #
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Brilliant lyrics.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32There she is.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- Are you awright?- Do I look awright, or do I look like a prostitute?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46Is that why that car stopped?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- Right, he's dead! - No, Jacko, it's awright.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50- He just wanted a...- A what?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Gary! No.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Are youse going to be firemen?
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Looks like.
0:11:57 > 0:12:03Well, you might be needing this! Go on, open it, it's an axe!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Hello, Argos?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06No, it's me, Gary.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10But we don't start till tomorrow.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Right, up at the recce ground.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Right, we'll see you in a bit. Awright, cheers, bye.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Where you going? - They've struck early.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- The terrorists?!- Naw, the firemen.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Oh, that's awright.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I hope there's a really big fire and you save everyone!
0:12:22 > 0:12:23I hope it's not my house!
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Oh my God, what if the house burns down?!
0:12:25 > 0:12:30- Julie, shut up! Where is it? - The recce ground. Bonfire's out of control.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32SHE SQUEALS
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Right. She's no' coming wi' us.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Yes, I am, Jacko. We can leave the car here. Oh, Jacko, please!
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I'll behave, I promise.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Well, if we dinnae take her, then someone else might give her a lift, huh?
0:12:44 > 0:12:45- Get in.- Yes.
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Where is it?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I cannae see it!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Well, it should be here. - You promised!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I never promised.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19BELLS RING
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Oh, it's awright.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25We're saved.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Aw. Is that your one?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I don't like they ones as much. I like the red ones.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Awright, boys?- Awright. - Altono, where are you going?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Oh, right, we're here. What's the score?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Nothing each, there's nae fire.- What?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- There's nae fire.- You sure?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Oh no, there it is over there.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Do you see it?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- Naw.- Exactly. Cos there's nae smoke, there's nae fire.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02This is clearly a wild duck chase.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05GLASS SMASHES
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- It's hailstones! - Ambush, everybody doon! Cover!
0:14:10 > 0:14:13First my car, then me. I don't want to die, I'm too young.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- Shut up.- I swear tae God, if they chip the paint, I'll be ragin'!
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Jacko, get an ID on the sniper.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Charlie, Adam, flanks.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Come out or we'll shoot all of youse!
0:14:31 > 0:14:36- Dinnae do that again.- Sorry. Have you no' got your guns? Sorry.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Right, dinnae be silly.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43Gary...three o'clock. Bushes.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49HE WHISTLES
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Oh, my God, this is amazing.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59It's much better than a fire, eh?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59SHE SCREAMS
0:14:59 > 0:15:01VOICES SHOUT
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Piss off, piss off! >
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Let me go, this is assault. I'll get my dad to batter youse!
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Yeah, fair dos. You tell him, 3 o'clock, school gates.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Seriously though, whit dae you think yer daeing? Ya wee boot!
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- Who are you calling a wee boot, you big tube?- Calm doon, please!
0:15:18 > 0:15:23What are you saying "please" for? I just about got ma teeth knocked oot, and ah need ma teeth.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- For chewing. So?- So what?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- What do you think you're daeing, chucking stones at us?- Why no'?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Why no'?!
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Cos A, it's dangerous, B, it's actually quite rude.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35And three, that's my car!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Well, there's nothing else...to do.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41There must be loads of stuff. What about playing in the park?
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- It's been knocked doon. - Community centre?- Knocked doon.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Youth club?- That was in the community centre that...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- That was knocked doon, right. I'm getting this.- Aye.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53But listen, youse cannae dae this. I'm gonna have to report youse, right?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Well, I'll tell the polis you touched me in the bushes.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- But I never. - Well, I've got witnesses.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Girls!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Youse wouldnae do that, would youse?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Aye.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Right, right. Fair dos. Right, there's no' that much to do round here
0:16:08 > 0:16:12so you fancied throwing some stones at the emergency services.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Right, that's understandable.
0:16:14 > 0:16:20But is there any chance youse could maybe hold off until the fire brigade get back off their strike, eh?
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Please?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Aye, I suppose so.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you indeed. Off youse go.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Come on, then.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Thanks again. Good throws and that.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- What was that like?- Like getting ambushed off a few wee lassies.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50They never ambushed us, they just...
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Made us look like dicks.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55- Aye. They did.- I was lookin' forward to a right big beast of a fire, too.
0:16:55 > 0:17:01So was I, eh? Ken, I wouldnae have minded all that if there'd just been something on fire, anything, eh?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04I'm up for starting one.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I'm only joking...
0:17:06 > 0:17:07I'm no'!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I wouldnae say young folk are really that different to when I was younger.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15Eh, they maybe look different, but then that's because I don't know them.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I mean, they say they're fatter now, but, I think that's a bit unfair
0:17:19 > 0:17:22cos when I was growing up, I knew loads of fat kids.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29And there was this one girl, Theresa Small she was called,
0:17:29 > 0:17:35which was weird cos she was really fat, like really, you know,
0:17:35 > 0:17:41like really fat, and we used to call her, eh, Theresa Massive,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43cos she was massive.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48Ken, she was, she was the kinda fat girl you would, you know, point at in the street.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52But I tell you, she might have been fat and all that but she was funny.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Oh, my goodness, she was funny. She used to make me laugh all the time, honestly.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00I mean, just the way she walked, it was hilarious.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Let me get this straight, four members of Her Majesty's armed forces
0:18:05 > 0:18:07were ambushed by a couple of wee lassies?
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Eh, there was three. Two of them didnae speak.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Who you then manhandled in the bushes?! Is that correct?
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Come on, Sarge, it wasn't like that. - Well, that's what it sounds like to me!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19This has got Daily Mail headline written all over it,
0:18:19 > 0:18:23"Army Unit Ambush Ends in Young Girls Bush Attack!"
0:18:23 > 0:18:28I want that Goddess back at the garage and I want her cleaned up with a toothbrush.
0:18:28 > 0:18:33Do you understand? With a shite-ing toothbrush!
0:18:36 > 0:18:41I'm just thinking, right, it's bad enough getting attacked off they wee lassies,
0:18:41 > 0:18:48but see them making that prank call, that could have meant we missed a real fire.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51I know, I hadn't thought aboot that.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Wee shits! I really wanted a fire.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Dry yer eyes, they were just wee lassies.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Youse trying to tell us that you never made prank calls when you were bairns?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Once, but I phoned straight back and apologised.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Me and ma mates, we'd ring up the boozer, right?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10We'd get the barmaid to shout on Mike Hunt.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18How, did you know him?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Naw, Mike Hunt. Think aboot it?
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Mike Hunt.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29Naw.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35I tell you, when I was younger, right, one time I phoned a taxi for the hoose next door.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37But then they just got in it.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42I once phoned the police and said that I was holding my family hostage.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45And that I wanted ten quid or I was gonna hack their legs off.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51Well, I wis ten.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57The police knew it was a wind-up, threatened to batter me, and I put down the phone.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59That is the way it should be.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Jacko's right, we should have threatened to batter them.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03No, that disnae work.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08There's nothing for these people to do in the community, so that's why they're angry.
0:20:08 > 0:20:14You just need to step back and listen to them even if they're throwing stones, or shouting at you.
0:20:14 > 0:20:19Nah, right, all I know is, when we were younger we might have done prank calls, but we werenae violent.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- What about when you shot that boy in the baws with the airgun? - That wis an accident.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Aye, but did you no' shoot him twice?- That was unlucky, right.
0:20:26 > 0:20:32Now, Charlie, I hear what you're saying about, whatever it was, right,
0:20:32 > 0:20:36but I just dinnae want to be going to fires that arenae on fire.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40And if I wanted young girls throwin' stuff at me, then I would have joined a boy band.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42# Re-light my fire
0:20:42 > 0:20:46# Your love is my only desire!
0:20:46 > 0:20:49# Relight my fire!
0:20:49 > 0:20:55# Cos I need your love!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58# You gotta be strong enough to walk on through the night
0:20:58 > 0:21:02# Yeah, there's a new day on the other side, on the other side
0:21:02 > 0:21:05# You gotta have hope, hope In your soul
0:21:05 > 0:21:10# Keep on walking Whoa-a-whoa-a-whoa-oh... #
0:21:12 > 0:21:15WHIRRING NOISE
0:21:13 > 0:21:15My battery's run oot.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25It's alive, he's alive.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28He's pure become alive!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Is he awright?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Is he awright?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37MAN SPLUTTERS
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Adam?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Adam! Shit.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47ADAM LAUGHS
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Shut it! Shut it!
0:21:50 > 0:21:51'I thought we'd killed you!'
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Bored!
0:21:53 > 0:21:59I dunno, I could get used to this fireman malarkey. Piece of piss, eh?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Cup of tea, paper, 30k a year?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05And the pension package isnae too shabby either.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09All that's missing is a nice big fire, ken, like a raging one wi' flames!
0:22:09 > 0:22:13Aye, or like a whole building? Whoosh!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Aye! Or even two buildings!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18HE MAKES WHOOSHING NOISE
0:22:18 > 0:22:19That'd be brilliant, eh!
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Argh, it's doing ma heid in! Argh. It's worse than stagging on!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Why don't ye read a crossword or something?
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I've been learning about red squirrels.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Do you know they're a lot like grey squirrels?
0:22:32 > 0:22:36BELL RINGS
0:22:36 > 0:22:39On your feet, ladies! There's a fire up at the Primary School.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- Which one?- Myreside.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Yes! Ah went to Petersfield.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Move it!
0:22:46 > 0:22:52I dinnae think you can ever be like, fully prepared for anything.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I mean, you try to be as much as you can,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58but sometimes that's just no' possible.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01You've just got to react at that time, like,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04the best you can to what's going on.
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Like, I remember when I was no' long in the army,
0:23:09 > 0:23:12I'd ordered a pizza, right,
0:23:12 > 0:23:19and the waiter brought it oot - and...I'll never forget this -
0:23:19 > 0:23:22they'd put a fried egg on top of it.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Seriously, I wisnae prepared for that.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29So I just ate roond it.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35You see, that's what being in the army's all aboot.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38You've just got to adapt!
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Does anyone see any smoke?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Come on, oh, it's looking good, lads.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Check her oot, she's shite-ing herself.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58Thank God you're here! Oh, this is just awful! It's fricking awful!
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- Awright, just listen to me, right, is there is a big fire?- Yes!
0:24:02 > 0:24:03Magic!
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- Follow me, it's round the side. - What?
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Bring the truck! For frick's sake, bring the truck!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Right, we heard you, Miss!
0:24:12 > 0:24:13They've changed, eh?
0:24:16 > 0:24:20Are you actually kidding me?
0:24:23 > 0:24:26All of you get back!
0:24:26 > 0:24:27< Back! Back!
0:24:27 > 0:24:32Do you know what, right? I think I've been really unlucky wi' these fires.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38It could have been the fricking kids!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41They loved that shed, look at them, they're distraught!
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Look, I know your shed's on fire but at least it's no' your face, or your face, eh?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Is that supposed to make me feel better?!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Can someone else, cos I can't... I just cannae do that.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- Well, I think what my colleague is trying to...- Why are you near me?
0:24:54 > 0:24:59Fricking frick, will you just put the fire out, you useless fricking frick!
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- There's no need for that. - Well, do it now!
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Listen you, we are dealing with this situation, and you're not helping.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Now just stand over there and let us do our job.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18You're right, Charlie, eh? It's all aboot listening to folk,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20and then ignoring them and telling them whit to dae, eh?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Come on, then.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28CHILD SCREAMS
0:25:29 > 0:25:31SIREN WAILS
0:25:31 > 0:25:32That's them here now.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Adam, just never mind about that, just get this working.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Pricks!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Awright, lads?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Piece of shit!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Few problems?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Naw, naw, it's awright, aye.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55What are youse daeing here?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Och, we'll always call off a strike if it's a school, PR and that?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02The ice-cream van...is deid.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Don't worry, boys, we need the practice.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07No' seen a fire in weeks, mainly prank call-outs these days.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- Oh, really?- Aye, it's murder, it's part of the reason we're on strike.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Fed up going out to these calls and then getting attacked. - Aye, that must be tough, aye.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Have you boys seen much bother?
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Naw, everyone's been really nice and that, eh?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22If youse ever get a wee bit bored of the army, you know who to call.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25- Aye, Ghostbusters.- Naw, 999.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Sorry to interrupt, but the shed still is on fire.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Awright, love. Aye, so it is.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Best get cracking, aye. You boys don't mind, dae ye?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Oh, no, no, no. Put yourself oot.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Right boys, fight it!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58CHILDREN CHEER
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Fat bastards.
0:27:12 > 0:27:19I think the main reason that firemen are so popular now is actually cos the attacks,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23remember, in New York,
0:27:23 > 0:27:26remember, in America,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28remember, the buildings,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30two buildings, aye.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36And that, like, really raised their profile, eh?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38And they did do a good job.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43I mean, they didn't stop it but then they didn't need to
0:27:43 > 0:27:46cos it just put itsel' oot, but...
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Whoo-hoo! We're off! The fatties are back on.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57- Nae mair of this shite!- How?
0:27:57 > 0:28:01The firemen must have got their cash and their choccy biscuits they were after.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05I'm glad, cos it's all been nae fires and nae smoke. It's nae for me.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06- Me neither.- That's that fixed.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10I wis beginning to think you fancied yourself as a bit of a fireman, eh?
0:28:10 > 0:28:11Nah, this is better, eh?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14The boys.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- Aye.- The platoon.- Aye.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18The regiment, the family.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Who'd want to leave this?
0:28:21 > 0:28:25You're right, Charlie, it is like a family.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27And now it's bath time.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Come along, boys!
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Wa-hey!
0:28:59 > 0:29:01Subtitles by Red Bee Media
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Email Subtitling@bbc.co.uk