0:00:48 > 0:00:50- You been busy?- Aye, fairly.
0:00:50 > 0:00:54I was watching a documentary the other morning about that Hadron Collider.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Is that the wrestler?
0:00:56 > 0:01:00It's a big metal pipe in Switzerland that's going to tell us how the Big Bang started.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Well, that's easy.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04It started wi' a big bang.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09True enough, son. Exactly like it says on the tin, eh?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Bet that cost them a fortune as well.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Aye. Probably thousands.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Aye. Shockin'.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Switzerland should just stick to what they're good at, eh?
0:01:18 > 0:01:19Toblerone.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32What is that?
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Corned beef sushi.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35What do you think?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Mmm.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43Oh, look at you two, eh?
0:01:43 > 0:01:47- Aye, we were the talk of the town back then.- Like, in a bad way?
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Nah, "the well-dressed couple." That's what they used to call us.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I'm glad you're back home for the anniversary, son.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Can you believe it? 15 years since your mother passed.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01I know. I'm just glad I'm back this year.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Sorry about last year. They had me working late at the office.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- In Afghanistan.- Aye.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11I notice your work hasn't been on the telly much these days.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15And that Bin Laden fella hasnae made one of his films for ages.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Aye. He's back to making his own wee Jihad mix tapes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Aye, your mother loved them.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23The reggae band.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- The reggae band, Jihad?- Aye.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Do you mean Aswad?
0:02:30 > 0:02:35Oh, Aswad, that's right.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Aswad. Aye, your mother loved them.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I remember me and her and Auntie Margaret
0:02:40 > 0:02:42went to see them in concert.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45# Shine, shine, shine like a star
0:02:45 > 0:02:48# Shinin' so bright
0:02:48 > 0:02:49# Like the star that you are
0:02:49 > 0:02:52# Come on and shine. #
0:02:53 > 0:02:55That was lovely.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It was like all of Aswad were in the room.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58Oh, thanks very much.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Aw, Lynda.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- She was bonny then, eh?- Aye.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08You were punching well above your weight.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10No, we never even argued.
0:03:11 > 0:03:1415 years tomorrow. You still remember her?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16I remember her sittin' right here.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20She used to burn the toast every morning before school.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23You said that in your speech at the crematorium.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Ooh, your Auntie Margaret didnae like that.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29She didnae. I didnae mean it, like, you know, in bad taste.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Or bad toast.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- Oh, Dad... - I knew you didnae mean it.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36She wouldnae have minded.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Naw.- She'd a fair sense of humour about her.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Remember that time she put that big plastic spider in your bed for a joke?
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I never slept for a week.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I know! That's brilliant.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Have you thought about what I said about your mum,
0:03:55 > 0:03:56her new home and that?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Aye, but why now?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Do you no' think she's happy on the mantelpiece?
0:04:01 > 0:04:05I suppose. It's just sometimes I look at her there in the urn,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08and, well, I know it sounds silly,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11but it's a long time to be cooped up in there.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Aye. She doesnae get much light.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Exactly. I mean I love having her here to talk to,
0:04:17 > 0:04:19but sometimes I think she'd rather be somewhere else.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Somewhere she liked going to.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Like the swimming pool?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I was thinking about the park.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Remember that place we all used to go sledging?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31We could do it tomorrow before everyone comes round for the do.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Aye. She did like that bit where we went sledging, eh?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38You're no' talking about pushing her down the hill?
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Oh, she'd have loved that.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Aye. Aunt Margaret wouldnae like that.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- We could gi' her a wee push an' all. - Gary.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Sorry.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54He's a funny one, eh, Osama.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59He's an intriguing fellow cos he's quite eccentrics, eh?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Cos he's famous and he lives in a cave,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04but when you're famous you can get away wi' stuff like that, eh?
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Although some folk say he's dead, but I dinnae think he is.
0:05:08 > 0:05:12Cos if he was, right, someone's gran would know.
0:05:12 > 0:05:18Ken that way? They'd be like that, "I was speaking to Mary,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21"he passed just last week.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24"In his cave.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26"It's a crying shame."
0:05:27 > 0:05:30But I dinnae think he is.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- Hello.- Hiya.- You're here.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I was worried that you weren't, but you are. Aren't you?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Aye, I am. It's me, Gary.- Good.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Do I look OK? Is it too bright?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I know it's too bright for a memorial, but you said no black,
0:05:53 > 0:05:55so I was thinking like, this isnae black.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I was hoping your mum would have liked it. Would she?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00She'd think it was perfect. For you.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Thanks. Is that a nice thing?- Aye.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Oh, good. I've trainers in my bag.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- Good.- Just in case.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Just in case what? We get chased?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13No, Gary. In case my feet hurt.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I'm dead pleased I remembered.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21Good for you. Next stop, Auntie Margaret.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- STOP!- What is it?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Oh, I did bring them.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- On you go.- Thanks.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Gary.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Aunt Margaret!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55How... are you?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Fine. I have been ready all morning.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Hello, WWF. Wildlife, no' the wrestling.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09No, it's me. Gary. I don't know, just look for them.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Try a bald person's shop.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Right, no, you've got to get them, right? No.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16I'll try and get away, right? 5pm. Might be difficult. Right! OK.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18See you later. Bye ba-ba-ba bye.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Manners used to be important in my day.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25But then it would be rude no' to answer, eh?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Shall we?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38THEY MOUTH CONVERSATION
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Hello.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Julie, maybe you'd like to sit in the back?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Aunt Margaret likes to sit in the front.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Thank you, dear.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You're welcome, Mrs Auntie Margaret.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15CLOCK CHIMES TUNE
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Nice to see you, Margaret.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Nice to see you too, Martin.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34Nice to see you as well, Julie.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Nice to see you too, Mr McLintoch.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Nice to see you, Gary.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43Nice to see us...
0:08:43 > 0:08:47To see us, nice!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49GIBBERISH
0:08:58 > 0:09:00That's a brazzy suit, Mr McLintoch.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02- Did you buy it for today?- No, Julie.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07This is from back in the day. Gary's mother used to love me in this.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Real velveteen.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Wow.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14That's like the stairs at the cinema, eh?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16So, what's the itinerary, Martin?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Well, I thought we'd go up the park.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23A spot that Lynda enjoyed. Then we'd say a few words about Lynda, if you want.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25And then back here for a few drinks
0:09:25 > 0:09:27and a bit of food wi' a few friendly faces.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Hello, Battersea Dogs Home.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36No, Charlie. It's me, Gary. Try somebody else.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38I don't have time to look at it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Right, well, just Google it.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Google it. Just Google it.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Hold on. Nah, it's for me.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- Right.- Gary! Put that phone down. We've got guests.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I've got to go. We've got guests.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Right, OK then. Right, Google it. See ya. Bye.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Sorry. Shall we?
0:10:00 > 0:10:05Well, only if you've finished your important business.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- May I use the bathroom first? - Aye, upstairs, on the left.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Hold on, Margaret.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27It's runnin' a little low up there.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I'm not sure how much you're going to use, but just in case.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- That enough, Martin.- I hope it is.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41THEY ALL LAUGH
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Aw, Dad.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09# Just a small town girl
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# Livin' in a lonely world
0:11:12 > 0:11:19# She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
0:11:28 > 0:11:32# A singer in a smoky room
0:11:32 > 0:11:36# A smell of wine and cheap perfume
0:11:36 > 0:11:39# For a smile they can share the night
0:11:39 > 0:11:44# It goes on and on and on and on
0:11:44 > 0:11:48# Strangers waiting
0:11:48 > 0:11:52# Up and down the boulevard
0:11:52 > 0:12:00# Their shadows searching in the night
0:12:00 > 0:12:04# Don't stop believin'
0:12:05 > 0:12:08# Hold on to that feelin'
0:12:08 > 0:12:12# Streetlight people
0:12:12 > 0:12:16# Oh, oh... #
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Aw, no. That surely can't be right.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32They can't have built on Lynda's park.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34< Hamburgers!
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I cannae believe this.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38So it wasn't like this before, then?
0:12:38 > 0:12:40< Hot dogs!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I cannae remember sledging past a crane.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43This is not suitable at all.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47Gary, could you not have checked beforehand?
0:12:47 > 0:12:51What about that other bit that she liked? You know, up at the duck pond.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Good call, Gary. The duck pond, aye.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56She loved feedin' they ducks.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59What if they've built a skyscraper on the duck pond?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02What if the ducks are there, cos they're confused that the water's gone?
0:13:02 > 0:13:05There's just a big building, but they cannae swim in it?
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Oh, naw. What would we do?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I tell you what you're going to do. Is take a few deep breaths.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14OK? That's it. Right, give me a sec.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18No' to worry, Julie. Ducks are resourceful wee fellas.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- They'd be fine.- Aye. They'd probably just build a new pond.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32Excuse me. You used to be able to get to the duck pond this way.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Is there, like, another way round?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Not a duckin' chance, mate!
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Not a duckin' chance.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Whole bit's fenced off.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- CHEESEBURGERS!- Any luck?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Sorry, Dad. It's all been built on.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Well, not to worry, son. You tried your best.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'm sorry, Lynda.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I don't quite know what to suggest now.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56I could buy you a burger to cheer you up?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Do you know, Julie, that'd be lovely.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04What about you, Aunt Margaret? Do you fancy anything?
0:14:04 > 0:14:08BURGERS! CHEESEBURGERS! HOT DOGS!
0:14:08 > 0:14:10FRIED ONIONS! CHIPS AND CHEESE!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12CHEESE! COLD DRINKS!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Did you catch all that?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Not bad, eh?
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Would you like a bit?
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- No, thanks. I don't eat tinned meat. - No. It's a hot dog.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Here, I'll have a go. I've no' had a hot dog in years.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41MOBILE PHONE BEEPS
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Lynda liked hot dogs.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Aye, she did, aye.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50Great taste, my mum.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55I remember the first time she ever tried one.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57We were very young.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00We'd gone to the shows as a family.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Lynda loved the shows.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05"Scream if you wanna go faster!"
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Sorry.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13She'd been pestering Mum all day to get her a hot dog.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And eventually Mum gave in and got her one.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I can see it now.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21That first bite, and all the red sauce
0:15:21 > 0:15:24dripping down onto her pristine white dress.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Oh, no! Did she get upset?
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Oh, no. Not at all.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32She laughed and laughed and bit again,
0:15:32 > 0:15:36so that more red sauce would fall onto her dress.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38She was very silly.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I never knew that, Margaret.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Did she get the stain out?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I don't know, Gary. I hope so.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I hope so. I was eating something last week
0:15:48 > 0:15:51and I had a white shirt on and it was brown sauce
0:15:51 > 0:15:54and it dripped doon and it got on my shirt, and I was like,
0:15:54 > 0:15:56"Dinnae rub it in," cos that's the temptation...
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- That's enough, Gary.- Right.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Maybe you'd like to be heading back now, Martin?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01What about the place...
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Oh, where was it we used to go for walks wi' my bike when I was wee?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07What was it? The Ignorant Railway?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09The Innocent Railway! Oh, perfect.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Aye, me and Lynda used to find that name funny because
0:16:13 > 0:16:15that's where we had our first, er...
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Your first what?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Walk, Julie.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25That's all, a wee walk. That's all we had.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Just a wee quick walk and then we walked home.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32Aw, that's dead romantic.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I think it's left here, son.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Oh, no. Right.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I'm sorry, everyone. I was sure it was round here.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Maybe someone wasn't paying attention to your directions.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04All right. Yous looking for the Old Kettle Inn?
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- Naw.- I always get asked for that. It's shut. Been shut five years.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Actually, we're looking for the Innocent Railway.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Have you heard of it?
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Heard of it? Heard of it? Aye.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Come here.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Open that door, will you?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Well, easier if I just show you.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34- This is very kind of you, um... - Douggy.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37And, er, who's this cute wee thing?
0:17:37 > 0:17:38That's Doug.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- As in... Doug the Dug?- Aye, good, eh? Doug the Dug.
0:17:42 > 0:17:48I thought of that myself! Took me a week, but it was worth it though, eh?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Doug the Dug. Ain't you, pal, eh?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59# Yo! Back up now and give a brother room
0:17:59 > 0:18:01# The fuse is lit and I'm about to go boom
0:18:01 > 0:18:03# Mercy, mercy, mercy me
0:18:03 > 0:18:05# My life is a cage
0:18:05 > 0:18:06But on stage I'm free
0:18:06 > 0:18:08# Hyped up, psyched up ready for wil'in'
0:18:08 > 0:18:11# Standing in a crowd of girls like a island
0:18:11 > 0:18:13# I see the one I want, I said Come here, cutie
0:18:13 > 0:18:16# I flip 'em around and then I work that booty
0:18:16 > 0:18:18# Work the body work, work the body
0:18:18 > 0:18:21# Slow down, girl you're 'bout to hurt somebody
0:18:21 > 0:18:23# Hold up, ya'll let's get just one thing clear
0:18:23 > 0:18:25# There's only one reason why I came here
0:18:25 > 0:18:28# Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up
0:18:28 > 0:18:30# Go! Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up. Go!
0:18:30 > 0:18:33# Ya really don't want me to t-t-t-tell you what's up
0:18:33 > 0:18:36# Go! I came here tonight to hear the crowd go
0:18:36 > 0:18:37# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room
0:18:37 > 0:18:39# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room
0:18:39 > 0:18:42# Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room
0:18:42 > 0:18:45# Tic-tic-tic-tic, boom!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47# Well, yo, y'all ready for me yet? Pump it up, Prince... #
0:18:47 > 0:18:49This is the bit I was thinking of.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Aye, fond memories.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02It's lovely. I hope they don't build a supermarket on it.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03I hope not, too.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Well, what do you think of this spot then, Lynda?
0:19:08 > 0:19:12- I think Mum would like it. - I think so. Margaret?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14If it's what you feel, Martin.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Yeah.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21It is.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24So, I was thinking, if, er, you have a few words you want
0:19:24 > 0:19:28to say, I'll say my words last, and then let Lynda...
0:19:30 > 0:19:33You know.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Does anyone want to go first?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Sorry. I can sense the wee man's burstin' on a shite here.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45We'll scoot. But happy scattering.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Right you are, Douggy.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Come on. Come on.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Julie. Would you like to start?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Um... OK.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Hiya, Mrs McLintoch.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Nice urn, by the way.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Eh, well, I just wanted to say that I'll always remember you fondly
0:20:12 > 0:20:15cos, see when I was seven, I remember I was in the queue
0:20:15 > 0:20:16for the ice cream van,
0:20:16 > 0:20:20but I was too wee to see what ice creams they had, so I got really upset.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23But then you and some other men lifted me up so I could see.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27So thanks for that. I had an orange Calippo.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29That was my favourite. But it's not now.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I like Feasts. Bye!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37That was lovely, Julie. Well done.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Margaret?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Um...
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Rest in peace, Lynda.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Gary?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Hiya, Mum!
0:20:59 > 0:21:04Um, I'm really glad we found this bit.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I don't know if you were listening earlier,
0:21:06 > 0:21:10but they're building a supermarket where the duck pond used to be.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Shockin', eh? But, er,
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I hope you enjoy it here.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Dad was saying this is the first place you...
0:21:21 > 0:21:23..walked.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26So...
0:21:26 > 0:21:28miss you.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Gary! Turn that bloody phone off!
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- I know, but it's really important. - And this isn't?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Hello, wrong number. Gary speakin'.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Right, brilliant. OK, I'll see you there.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50No, it'll be fine. OK. See you. Bye, bye. I'm sorry.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Well, Lynda, there's no' a day I don't think o' you.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00No' a moment you're no' with me.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05You were so much fun, a great sense o' humour.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Remember when you chose this suit for me?
0:22:09 > 0:22:14Well, Lynda, time for you to get some air.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Dad. Dad, I'll...
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Do you want me to have a shot? I opened a jar of gherkins last week. Nae offence.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46None taken. On you go.
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- Oh, for Pete's sake. What an idiot. - Martin! She's just a bit slow.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Superglue, Margaret, superglue.
0:22:58 > 0:23:03- I superglued the lid shut years ago. - Is that why it won't open?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I think so Julie, yeah. Why did you do that?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Well, you'll no' remember, son,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10but a few years after your mother passed,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12you went through a wee clumsy phase.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- No, I never!- I remember that time.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19You could hardly put one foot in front of the other without falling.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Well, I remember I was a particularly graceful teenager.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Idiots.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Well, I think we should head back now.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- What do you think, Lynda? - "Yes, please!"
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Julie, I think that's enough.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41- Yes.- It is, isn't it? Can we go now?
0:23:44 > 0:23:49All right? Are yous done? We are.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Any chance o' a lift back?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Aye. Of course, Douggy.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Do we need nuclear weapons?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Aye, course we do.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Cos other folk have got them, right.
0:24:02 > 0:24:07If we didnae have them, we'll be like that kid at school that had the crap trainers.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10And, I'm sorry, but it's a harsh factoid of life,
0:24:10 > 0:24:13but that kid at school wi' crap trainers had a really tough time.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16And it's no' his fault that he had crap trainers.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17That was his mum and dad's fault.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19But we dinnae want to be that kid.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21We dinnae want to be turning up to PE in crap trainers
0:24:21 > 0:24:24wi' folk laughing, saying, "Where did you get them?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27"Poundies? Your Mum rakes bins." We dinnae want to hear that.
0:24:27 > 0:24:3030 billion is a lot to pay for nice Trident trainers, right,
0:24:30 > 0:24:34but if it means we dinnae get a slaggin',
0:24:34 > 0:24:36then I think it's worth it.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Do you remember Reebok Pumps?
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Pumps.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Corned beef sushi? Corned beef sushi? It's really nice.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58It's really, em, corned beefy.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Ah, cheers.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- There you go, Duggy Duggy Duggy. - Corned beef sushi, Aunt Margaret?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08No, thanks, Gary. I can see that you and Martin are busy,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11and it's been quite a long day, so I might head off.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13No, no, you cannae. You've got to stay here.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15That's kind of you Gary, but, er...
0:25:15 > 0:25:18No, no. Please, please. Just one sec. MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Hello, Farmfoods?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Right, OK, fine do it. On, yous go.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Margaret, you're surely not away?
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I've got a whole suckling pig roasting at the back.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Yes. There's only so much rudeness I can take from Gary for one day.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Julie, you'd like Aunt Margaret to stay, wouldn't you?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Gary!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42That is enough. You've offended Margaret.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46And I know that's easy to do, but now you've offended me, son.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Yeah. I know.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Right. OK, then, right.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Brilliant, go, go, do it. Right.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58OK, if I could just...
0:25:58 > 0:26:02If I could just maybe offend you all for just, like,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04a few more seconds, OK?
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Can I get everyone's attention, please? Everyone's attention.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10OK, I would like to announce that,
0:26:10 > 0:26:14tonight playing here is one of my mum's favouritest ever bands.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17They've come a long way to get here tonight,
0:26:17 > 0:26:21so please would you welcome to the living room... Aswad!
0:26:21 > 0:26:25# Ooh ah, ooh ah
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Ooh ah, ooh ah
0:26:29 > 0:26:33# Come on and shine shine like a star
0:26:33 > 0:26:37# Shining so bright like the star that you are... #
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Hold on, something's missing.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42# Shine into the future
0:26:42 > 0:26:47# Spreading your light wherever you are. #
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Great stuff, lads.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Honestly, it was like having Aswad here in the room, it really was.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Well done, Gary. I get it now.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16For a while back there, I thought you'd turned into an arse.
0:27:16 > 0:27:17But you haven't.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Thanks, Dad.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Right, come on lads. Let's try these haggis fishcakes.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32Well, quite a day.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Aye. We often like to end the day on a song here.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39I'm sorry I was short with you today.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43No, no. It's fine. I'm sorry it just took a few calls, you know?
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Yes, I know. But she'd be very proud of you, you know, your mum.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Do you think?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Yes. Apart from maybe your singing.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Oh, right.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57That's a joke, Gary!
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Aw, nuh!
0:28:00 > 0:28:04No, I knew it. Check you, Aunt Margaret crackin' a wee joke.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06I knew you had it in you.
0:28:06 > 0:28:09I knew you had it in you, I thought you cannae be grumpy for ever,
0:28:09 > 0:28:12you and your face and that, but you've done it.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14You've totally cracked a joke.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Well done, you. You know that!
0:28:16 > 0:28:20That's enough, Gary. I'll see you soon.
0:28:20 > 0:28:21Aye. You totally will.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25It was a good joke an' all because I was, like, pitch perfect, eh?
0:28:25 > 0:28:28Who'd have thought, eh?
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Aunt Margaret crackin' a joke.
0:28:31 > 0:28:36That's funny, eh? Funny Aunt Margaret.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:58 > 0:29:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk