0:00:03 > 0:00:07- Ready.- Ready.- Go!
0:00:07 > 0:00:12One, two, three, four, five...
0:00:39 > 0:00:42'Demonstrations have been peaceful all day.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45'We're still awaiting confirmation that President Obama
0:00:45 > 0:00:49'will actually attend the climate conference, but, er...'
0:00:53 > 0:00:55What are we daein' here?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58We should be over there where the action is.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01Ach, the polis can just about handle
0:01:01 > 0:01:04a couple of lassie protesters wi' hairy legs.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07What are they even protesting aboot?
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Climate conference, load of rubbish. I mean, what is that?
0:01:11 > 0:01:16A bunch of world leaders sittin' aboot going, "Aye, it was well rainy in my bit this morning.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19"I got soaked because I forgot my jacket, I was ragin'!"
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Yeah, I bet wee Charlie would have some shite to say about this.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- Nae doot.- Aye.
0:01:24 > 0:01:30He'd be bangin' on aboot that carbon datin' and remissions.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Wee radge.- I've got to say, though,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36it's not quite the same without him, eh?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Who?- Nae Chat Charlie.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Aye, he'd like this right enough.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Cos it's dull. Really dull.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I miss winding him up.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Aye. He was good for that.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Aye, it's weird, eh?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Cannae dae it now.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- He's gone to another place.- Aye.
0:01:53 > 0:01:58- I wonder if he's getting wound up there?- Guaranteed. - Deserves it, wee dick.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Oh, it's strange, eh?
0:01:59 > 0:02:04One minute he was here, next minute he's gone.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I never even had a chance to say goodbye.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11- I couldnae be arsed. - He wouldnae have minded.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Do you know what?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Like, overall?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I dinnae even miss him.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Neither do I.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23When's he back?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Couple o' weeks.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26What course is it he's daein'?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Close Observation Operator.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31What's that? Learning how to use a magnifying glass?
0:02:31 > 0:02:34It's a tactical support course, at Catterick.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37All right, Charlie!
0:02:37 > 0:02:38You ever eaten a map?
0:02:38 > 0:02:42No. Course I havenae. Not even when I was really hungry.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Whatcha...
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey!- Stop the bus!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Hey!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Hiya. I'm afraid this area's closed off.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- I know it's closed off, it's my land. So if you'd let me through... - Sorry.
0:03:07 > 0:03:13Nae people or vehicles allowed past the perimeter in case any of they bam terrorists try and do a sneaky.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I'm not a bam terrorist. I'm a farmer.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Aye. So you say.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- So, er, what's your name? - Duncan Jones.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Ah, see, if you'd said Farmer Jones, then I might have believed you.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28Sorry, sir, no vehicles allowed past this point. End of.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Ludicrous!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Naw, Gary.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35You're thinking of the rapper. See you later.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39The war in Afghanistan,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42it's a bit like an episode of Hollyoaks.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Cos you think eventually it'll get better, but it just doesnae.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51It's all over the place and it gets mair and mair annoying
0:03:51 > 0:03:53and you hate everyone in it.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58In fact, that's unfair on war.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I cannae actually tell you how much I hate Hollyoaks.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11We might have to patrol the first four miles, are we past that?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Hold on, I'm looking.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20Right, we are precisely between, em...
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Don't tell me we actually need Charlie!
0:04:27 > 0:04:31- Lads! Lads! Can you see it? - What? Where?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Ten o'clock, right across.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- What is it?- A rabbit.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Get a grip, Gaz!
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Oh, no, like, a big one, like, a REALLY big one.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I'm talking a massive Bugs Bunny.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- I thought you were being serious, ya fanny.- I am being serious!
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- It was a massive rabbit I just seen. - It's just a rabbit. Come on.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54No. It wasnae just a rabbit. Lads!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57We're gonnae need a bigger hutch.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00You talking about Jaws?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Bigger boat and that? - Aye, but I've changed it to hutch.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Cos it's a rabbit. - He doesnae say that.
0:05:06 > 0:05:12Chief Brody and the boat? I've seen it a hundred times, it does my head in. Brody sees Jaws
0:05:12 > 0:05:18and he says to Quint, "YOU'RE going to need a bigger boat," not, "WE'RE gonna need a bigger boat."
0:05:18 > 0:05:21All right, Angry Charlie! You're going to need a bigger hutch.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Cos I have just seen a massively geometrically modified rabbit.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Don't worry about it, we've got guns. Rabbits dinnae like guns.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Ain't that wight, wabbit?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34'Alpha Zero Zero, over.'
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Er, go ahead, Alpha Zero Zero, over.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40'Status and location, over.'
0:05:41 > 0:05:48Em, Sarge, we are currently patrolling the perimeter fence.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Sarge, what's the biggest rabbit you've ever seen? Over.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53'You taking the piss? Over.'
0:05:53 > 0:05:55No, Alpha Zero Zero, I'm no' taking the piss.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Request to request what the biggest rabbit on Earth is? Over.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01'I suggest you let David Attenborough worry about that.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06'Get your shiteing arses to the perimeter gate A for not later than 1500 hours.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10'We may have a very special guest in attendance. Over.'
0:06:10 > 0:06:16- Barry Obama?- 'That's a TBC. Just make sure you're there. Over and out.'- Roger that.
0:06:16 > 0:06:21- Barry OB is a TBC, eh?- Boys!
0:06:21 > 0:06:26- Rabbits! Rabbits, rabbits, rabbits! See, I told youse, but you never believed me!- Right, come on!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Naw. I want an apology.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- All right, we see them. - You werenae making it up.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Well, I dinnae count that as an apology, but all right. Rabbits! Rabbits! Stop!
0:06:35 > 0:06:39# Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it
0:06:39 > 0:06:42# And do it, and do it, let's live it up
0:06:42 > 0:06:46# And do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it
0:06:46 > 0:06:49# Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- # Cos I gotta feeling - Whoo hoo
0:06:53 > 0:06:56# That tonight's gonna be a good night
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# That tonight's gonna be a good night
0:07:00 > 0:07:04# That tonight's gonna be a good, good night
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- # A feeling - Whoo hoo
0:07:08 > 0:07:12# That tonight's gonna be a good night
0:07:12 > 0:07:15# That tonight's gonna be a good night
0:07:15 > 0:07:20# That tonight's gonna be a good, good night... #
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- Haw! Look what we caught.- Mum!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Are you OK?- I'm fine, I'm fine.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30No thanks to you! Youse just left me.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34- Somebody's in trouble! - If it wasnae for these two, I'd still be wandering aboot.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Don't you worry. It's good to help the aged.
0:07:37 > 0:07:42- Dinnae you get cheeky now, son, I'm no' too old to skelp your erse. - I'm no' too young to like it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Aye aye!- Youse are lucky we never shot youse.
0:07:44 > 0:07:51- Like rabbits.- Oh, thanks, we're so grateful, action men(!)- Brendan!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Seriously, what are youse all aboot?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01We want to see Mr Obama.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03We have a very important gift for him.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Oh, really? Hold on.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12Barry! Barry!
0:08:12 > 0:08:14No, I'm afraid he's no' in.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16So next time, I recommend posting it.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20His address is The White Hoose...
0:08:20 > 0:08:22America. That should do it.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I would appreciate it if you took us to see him right now.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29I'm not taking no for an answer.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34No. That's your answer. And you'll take it.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39OK.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Never mind, George.
0:08:41 > 0:08:47Right. What to dae wi' youse, eh? What to dae wi' youse.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- We need to hand them in.- Aye?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Your call, Gaz.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58A word in my office, please, gentlemen.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00We'll be right over here.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Chattin' about youse.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21No, we are not letting them go.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Right. I know terrorists are stupid, right, but they're not that stupid.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29I mean, Thomson doesnae ken about it, so why don't we just release them back into the wild?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Well, if you want to risk them digging under a fence and getting through to Barry OB
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- with their gift of peace, that's up to you.- Aye, but the old dear couldnae do that.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I think she's fitter than she looks.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Tell me you dinnae fancy her.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Calm down, she's hardly a GRILF.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Granny Rabbit I'd Like tae...
0:09:48 > 0:09:51- THEY SNIGGER - Feed? Aye. Right.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55OK, let's think about this. The pros and no' pros of letting them go.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Jacko, no' pros?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00We let them go. They try it again.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03They get through to Obama, or worse, Thomson, then we're all dead.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- Pros?- Right, we're taking them in. Get Thomson on the wireless,
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- let him know we're on our way, all right?- How me?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- Well, do you see Charlie anywhere? Get on it.- Sake...
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Nae option, big man.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20I know. It's just that...
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Doesnae matter.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27- Nae bother.- I've never actually told anyone this before,
0:10:27 > 0:10:29but see when I was wee?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I had a rabbit.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32And it died.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37What happened, like?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I shouted at it.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44It was annoying me, I was only eight.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48I was trying to get it to fetch a stick, but it wouldnae.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50So I screamed, "I dinnae like you!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53"I always wanted a dug, no' a rabbit!"
0:10:53 > 0:10:58Ken, like, right in its face.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Then later that night,
0:11:01 > 0:11:04it died.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09You cannae kill a rabbit by shouting at it.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10I did.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12What time of year was this?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Couple of days after my birthday, in January.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Gary, it was probably the cold.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21Naw, it wasnae.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25That rabbit loved the cold.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28It was me, Jacko,
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I killed him.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Right, well,
0:11:34 > 0:11:36you have just got to remember
0:11:36 > 0:11:42that they are people dressed as rabbits, no' actual rabbits. Come on!
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Aye.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Poor Fido.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Shame.
0:11:48 > 0:11:53- You secure that shit, McLintoch! Focus!- Aye!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I've already lost one rabbit, I'm no' gonna lose another.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59We're taking them in.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Does he want to take any longer?
0:12:13 > 0:12:17For goodness sake, do you time folk doin' a pee in the Army?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Sometimes. Depends how bored we are.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24- He'll be flooding that field soon enough.- That's no' him.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- He's taken the suit off. He's doing a runner!- Yes!- Brendan!
0:12:29 > 0:12:31This wasnae part of the plan.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Oh, aye, George, and getting caught was?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Right, Adam, doon ye get.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Make sure Elmer Fudd doesnae lose the plot.- Right.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41WOMAN WAILS
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Ah, ya bastard!
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Man doon! Man doon!
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Run, rabbits, run, run, run! Come on!
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Y'all right? What happened?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Rabbit hole. Didnae see it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07See youse? Honestly!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Well done, lads, for catching Billy Elliott there.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14- Nah, he came back when he heard Jacko fall.- Thought he hurt himself.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20- He has hurt himself, as indicated by his "Mariah Carey seein' a spider" scream.- Shut your hole!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23See what you've done?
0:13:23 > 0:13:27I think somebody might be wanting to have a word with him.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32I would, but my throat's a wee bit tickly.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Well, I think you did very well to help the soldier, son.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Very proud.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Pop your suit back on, you'll catch your death in your pants.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- Right.- It would appear that rabbit family discipline operates a bit differently.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Do you want tae apologise?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I'm sorry.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59All right.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Look at him,
0:14:01 > 0:14:02he's a wreck.
0:14:02 > 0:14:09Emotionally, physically, virtually, that man is broken inside.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Gary, let's go.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12See?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19D'you need a tissue? Hmm?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23What was it that they said? Ehm...
0:14:23 > 0:14:29"The BP oil spill is environment's 9/11"?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Hardly. It happened in April.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40Sorry about Brendan, he's been having some difficulties at school.
0:14:40 > 0:14:47- Four As and a B in his exams and he just hasn't got over the B at all, poor thing.- Aye, nightmare.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Only B I got at school was the one that stung me. Get it?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Aye, that's a good joke, Gary.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Ho!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57That was Thomson.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59He wants us back, pronto.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Security's getting beefed up for a special guest.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Ah, see? I knew he was here, mother, eh? What did I say?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Knew who was here? We could be talking about Tina Turner.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Old hag.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Anyway, it hardly matters now, George.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15I don't think Barack Obama does jail visits.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19The polis will get the rabbits at the checkpoint, 1500 hours.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Gonnae be tight wi' Hopalong here, eh?
0:15:22 > 0:15:27Please, before we're handed over, could you not just escort us along to Mr Obama
0:15:27 > 0:15:31- and we could give him our gift and leave, you know, without any trouble.- Right.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35What exactly is this gift of peace?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- It's in ma pouch.- Hey, Gary!
0:15:38 > 0:15:42It's nothing dangerous. I mean, we made it ourselves.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Aye. We've heard that one before.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Right, seriously. See if youse are suicide rabbits,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I will no' be happy. Is that understood?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Of course we're not.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56I mean, Sue here does a pottery class on a Thursday.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01I've just taken up yoga. I mean, we've so much to live for.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03I'm gonna be sick!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Listen, boys, we're no' suicidal anythings.
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- We're no' interested in virgins. - Gran!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Calm doon, Brendan, you'll find a girl soon.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Right, go on then. Let's see it.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Unroll it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:32THEY LAUGH
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Aw, naw!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Seriously, is that meant to be Barack Obama?
0:17:01 > 0:17:06Tell them, dear, go on, tell them the story.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Well.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11When I used to work in the bank,
0:17:11 > 0:17:16one day, a lady came to ask me for a loan.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- Is this going to get a bit more exciting?- Hey, cloth ears, listen.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Thank you, mother.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27She wanted a loan because she was a single mother and she was behind with her rent.
0:17:27 > 0:17:32She had a bad credit rating, so I couldn't lend her the money.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34But when I was just about to tell her that,
0:17:34 > 0:17:42her young daughter leant across the desk and gave me a picture of a piggy bank that she'd drawn,
0:17:42 > 0:17:46with the word "please" underneath.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- SHE SOBS - Every time!
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- Right.- So, I couldn't refuse her.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You know, I lent her the money.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01That personal message from her daughter had made all the difference, you see?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04And did she repay the loan?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08Eh? Oh, no, she defaulted and ended up being evicted, but that's not the point.
0:18:08 > 0:18:14'Come in, Alpha Zero Zero. Where the bloody hell are you? Over.'
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Right. Let me get this straight.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Youse want a loan off Barack?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20No, no.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23We want to deliver our message of peace personally,
0:18:23 > 0:18:28see, so that he'll remember it when he comes to make decisions that affect us all.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- And what makes you think that he'll no' default?- Hope.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Where's that shortbread? I'm starvin'!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40She's brilliant.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46I can't watch rabbits like this, it's breaking my heart.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Snip the ties.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53This is taking ages.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Leave me, youse drop them, I'll catch up.
0:18:56 > 0:19:01No way. Even though you fell and embarrassed yourself, you're coming tae.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- C'mon, let's do this. - There's a farmhouse no' far.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07Maybe we could take possession of a quad.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Good thinking, Mr Bailiff.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- SUE WHIMPERS - She always like that?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15She cries watching Neighbours.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17To be fair...
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Right, you, come on. Try no' tae think about the jail.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22First stop, the police and MI5.
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- SHE CRIES - Happy thoughts, Sue, happy thoughts.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31I swear I am that close to, like, shoutin' in their rabbit faces!
0:19:31 > 0:19:32C'mon.
0:19:51 > 0:19:58Aah! Goodness me, look who it is. It's Farmer Jones!
0:19:58 > 0:20:03Everybody, this is Farmer Jones. Farmer Jones, this is, eh, everybody.
0:20:03 > 0:20:08- How lovely it is to see you again. - What is it this time? Am I not allowed to be in my own house?
0:20:08 > 0:20:14No, no, you're very welcome to be in your own hoose, and what a lovely hoose it is as well.
0:20:14 > 0:20:20- You must sell a lot of potatoes. - It's a livestock farm. As in cows, sheep, horses.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Oh, aye, I get you, as in, like, Old Macdonald, ee-I, ee-I-oh, eh?
0:20:24 > 0:20:30Aye. Well, listen, my comrade with arms here, Jacko, has, eh, managed
0:20:30 > 0:20:34to sprain his ankle chasing these there rabbits...
0:20:34 > 0:20:39long story... and I wondered, with your permission, if we could commandeer one of your vehicles?
0:20:39 > 0:20:44- I thought you said no vehicles allowed.- I did say no vehicles.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Well, I wouldn't want you guys to get into trouble now, so, er, no.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- What about a horse?- Sick.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- All of them? - Aye. End of.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00Please, anything you can spare to help, they're good men, really.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Thanks. Much appreciated.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Besides, we've got to get them back to get them arrested, so...
0:21:07 > 0:21:10SHE SOBS
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Come on, darling. It's OK.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Wait here.
0:21:21 > 0:21:27Unit C, set. Join up with Fifth no later than 1505 hours. Over.
0:21:43 > 0:21:48WHY ARE YOU RIDING A COW?
0:21:48 > 0:21:52He sprained his ankle. It was the quickest way to get here.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54A cow ambulance?!
0:21:54 > 0:22:00We will talk about this later. And these numpties are either the medical team or the trespassers.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05There's no such thing as trespassing on public land. Have you never heard of the right to roam?
0:22:05 > 0:22:11Listen, son, very shortly, you will have the right to remain silent,
0:22:11 > 0:22:15and I very much suggest you start PRACTISING THAT NOW!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Sarge... he's just a teenager.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20HE'S AN IDIOT! You'll all get along very well!
0:22:20 > 0:22:26Gary, it's been nice meeting you. You have a kind heart.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- Spread the message of peace, eh, Gary?- I will.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Will we be charged?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Does a rabbit eat carrots?
0:22:35 > 0:22:39- SHE WHIMPERS - Och, we'll be OK, Sue.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43No, you won't. That's it, this way, dear.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Dear? Dear?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Away and stick that dear up your arse, ya baldy coot!
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Don't! Why are those vermin dressed as rabbits?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Dunno. We never thought tae ask.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I don't know who's more stupid, you or them!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Now get in position, El Presidente is on his way.- Yas!
0:23:03 > 0:23:08Barry OB was a TBC. Now he's a BC with an ETA of... shortly.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10We're back in the game, eh?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Keep sharp, you ladies are on this post. Think you can manage that?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Easy, Sarge. Standing on one leg.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Jackson? - Aye, I'll have to.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Aye, you're right. I'm taking the outer perimeter with the bobbies.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28Sarge... any chance you could maybe say to the polis, em,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31not to shout at the rabbits too much?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Not to shout at them?
0:23:34 > 0:23:39Listen, Terry Nutkins, you are in the Army, not the Really Wild Show.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Now GET IN POSITION!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43AAAH, YA BASTARD!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Black, white, broon...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02yellow, blue, green, orange,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05right, it makes nae difference to me, right?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08And I just dinnae get it when folk are funny about colour.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11A Smartie's a Smartie.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15They all taste the same.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Apart from maybe the orange ones,
0:24:19 > 0:24:25but I don't know if that's, like, cyclo-semantic, ken?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32GARY SIGHS
0:24:32 > 0:24:36Gary, you need to let this go.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I know, it's just...
0:24:38 > 0:24:43sometimes I think if I hadn't just shouted right in its face
0:24:43 > 0:24:47and said I wanted a dug instead, it might still be alive.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Lads, lads, the Big Man!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Check oot the size of they motors!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59On his way to a climate conference an' aw!
0:24:59 > 0:25:03He's the most important man in the world, he's hardly gonnae pitch up on a scooter.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Aye, but maybe he doesnae have his licence, eh?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Lads, that's it!
0:25:09 > 0:25:14- Stall the first car.- Whit? - Stop the front car.- Whit?
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Just dae it. Stop the car at the front.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17- We'll get shot.- We cannae.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21"Yes we can", right? Stop the car, dae it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, just a moment, please.
0:25:25 > 0:25:29We've been instructed to double check security clearance before you proceed,
0:25:29 > 0:25:33just to make sure there's no clear and present danger.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Safety first an' that.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44What's he... Oh, you've got to be kiddin' me!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49He's got the tapestry.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52He's giving it to Obama!
0:25:59 > 0:26:00OK, come here.
0:26:00 > 0:26:06OK! We're in the pipe, five by five. All right, on you go.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49What? I just gave him that.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51What did he say?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Obama's got one M.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Honestly!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58What a cheek! Did he say anything else?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00"Have a nice day."
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Oh, they always say that, eh? Even if you shout at them.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07I wouldnae want to see you shouting at Barry OB, not with your track record.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11Aye, fair enough, eh? I couldnae have that on my conscience as well.
0:27:11 > 0:27:17The assassination of B-OB using my voice? Shockin'.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21MOBILE PHONE PLAYS "RESPECTABLE" BY MEL & KIM
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Hello, Spelling B, Z speaking.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Naw, it's me, Gary.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28All right, Charlie!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Wahey!
0:27:30 > 0:27:32How're you getting on?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Oh, you passed?
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Hear that?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Aye, nothing!
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Ach, no' much.
0:27:43 > 0:27:50Seen a few rabbits, a cow... Oh, we seen Barry OB's motor.
0:27:50 > 0:27:51OK, listen...
0:27:51 > 0:27:54does Obama have one M or two?
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Aye, that's what he said. Doesnae matter.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04Aye, me and the boys were just sayin', it'll be great to see you back.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Naw, no' really!
0:28:05 > 0:28:08All right, then.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Aye, OK, brilliant. Right, catch you later.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Idiot!
0:28:44 > 0:28:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:47 > 0:28:50E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk