0:00:02 > 0:00:05You can do it!
0:00:05 > 0:00:09- Go and get that.- I'm no getting that.- You have to get it.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- No yous get it.- Hits it gets it.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14No way. I'm nae asking Mr Taliban for my ball back.
0:00:14 > 0:00:20- Just ask him.- Mr Taliban! Can we get our ball back?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22- He's no in.- He's no in.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25He's not very nice anyway. His wife's nice though,
0:00:25 > 0:00:27when she's allowed out.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31- Ohhhh! Ahhhh!- Hooray!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Brilliant!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Cheers, Mr Taliban!
0:00:36 > 0:00:41This programme contains adult humour
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Attention!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03GUNFIRE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Contact! 11 o'clock!
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Funny, I keep thinking in digital.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Shut up! Keep firing!
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Charlie, I'm no being funny but your shoelaces are undone.
0:01:20 > 0:01:25- Shoelaces!- I'll get them in a bit. Eight o'clock.- Fire!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Budge up. Let's get these jerries.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Move!
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Charlie!
0:01:37 > 0:01:41I'll get them in a bit. I'm hit!
0:01:41 > 0:01:45- I'm hit!- Idiot doon!- I'm dead.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Brilliant. Why am I always dead first?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Because that's what you're good at.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Thanks for, er...saving my, er... - Welcome.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- They're retreating!- Cease fire!
0:02:00 > 0:02:05Cease fire! Anyone hit?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- Status?- Deceased.
0:02:08 > 0:02:1222 minutes in, what is the point of you?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15- Was it no 14 minutes last year?- Aye.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16You OK, sir?
0:02:16 > 0:02:23Yeah. Tippety top thanks to, er, Corporal saving my bacon.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Really?- Aye. I'm a hero. Live wi' it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I don't think there will be a World War Three.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37I mean we don't really have the time these days and basically, right,
0:02:37 > 0:02:42nuclear weapons have kind of spoiled the fun because everyone kens
0:02:42 > 0:02:45that if it, like kicked off like big style, like I'm talking
0:02:45 > 0:02:51kind of global fisticuffs like red button, keys turned, armed, then explosion,
0:02:51 > 0:02:57fire, wind, nothing except cockroaches - isn't that weird?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00That the only thing to survive would be the cockroaches?
0:03:00 > 0:03:04I mean, I think we should be doing mair research into them,
0:03:04 > 0:03:07or training them, or maybe even eating them
0:03:07 > 0:03:11to get like some of their power or something.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I mean I dinnae want to eat one, but then I've never had one.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19They dinnae look nice, but then I eat bacon
0:03:19 > 0:03:22and that doesnae look nice.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I mean, like if you woke up in your bedroom
0:03:24 > 0:03:27and there was bits of bacon all over it, you'd probably scream.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29A bit like if your room was filled with cockroaches,
0:03:29 > 0:03:31but then you've got to think right
0:03:31 > 0:03:36if your bedroom was filled like wi' cockroaches
0:03:36 > 0:03:39and there's a nuclear war, the bacon wouldnae survive,
0:03:39 > 0:03:41it'd be burnt to a crisp and you wouldnae survive,
0:03:41 > 0:03:46you'd be burnt to a crisp, but the cockroaches, they'd be fine.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51Maybe a bit warm, but I mean what does that say about God?
0:03:53 > 0:03:58I suppose it says God likes cockroaches.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03God's weird.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Sergeant? - Thank you, sir.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21The recon sniper team have successfully taken out one child already.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24That won't be happening again, understood?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28That does put quite a lot of pressure on me, but I am up for it.
0:04:28 > 0:04:29Shut it, Enrique.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32The enemy have now located our position, so Colonel Fanshaw
0:04:32 > 0:04:35will no doubt be planning further contact as we speak.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Yeah, father hates to lose.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40I beat him at backgammon once when I was about ten,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42didn't speak to me for six months.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- Tragic, sir.- After this he willnae be speaking to you at all.
0:04:46 > 0:04:51Listen up, muppets, we've to secure this base until 6:00am.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Priorities and objectives? McLintoch?
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Erm, well, priorities for me is just about being happy in yourself.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Jackson.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05We need perimeter sweeps here, and here, three man team,
0:05:05 > 0:05:06- two spotters on the windows.- OK.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09McLintoch, Miller, you're on that with Jackson.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Remember, our primary is to keep this building secure.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Kinda like jannies.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Aye.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Exactly like jannies, we're like jannies when the school's shut
0:05:20 > 0:05:24at the weekends, except instead of a big set of keys we've got guns.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Good point, Corporal. Like housemasters.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31Mr Happly Heatherington, he was our housemaster, lovely chap.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Davy MacIver, the drunken minibus driver, he was our janny, remember Jacko? Shocking.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38We had a site manager called Margaret. She was lovely.
0:05:38 > 0:05:43Oi, Caspar the Boring Ghost, shut it! You three, get going.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Er, Corporal.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your earlier, erm...
0:05:48 > 0:05:53I'll get straight to the, erm.. there is potentially a, er...hmm...
0:05:53 > 0:05:57working for, er...hm... Interested?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Working for...
0:06:01 > 0:06:05What, like a new job, a promotion?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09What like loads mair money? Aye, that would be amazing!
0:06:09 > 0:06:15Well, you play your guns right you could end up being the new, er, hm...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19The new...
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Brilliant.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- Sir, we'd best take our positions.- Yah.
0:06:24 > 0:06:30Aye. You take your positions and I'll maybe potentially take my new position.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Uh? See yis!
0:06:37 > 0:06:38I dinnae follow.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Cos I saved Fanshaw's life he's basically offered me a new job with loads mair money.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- What would you be doin'?- Dinnae ken, he's just talking about the money.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52- What is it?- What, the money? Dunno, but it's pretty much a massive promotion.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54To what? Sergeant?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Probably, or mair.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02But ye dinnae know what you'll be doing, what the money will be, or what promotion you're gettin'?
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Jacko, when you get to my level it's not about the commas,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07it's the capitals I'm interested in. Exclamation mark!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Aye well, so long as you're no gettin' carried away.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I need a piss.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Honestly, the language you squaddies use.
0:07:23 > 0:07:29Movin' up the ranks, aye. All that green'd be totally sick.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30What?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34The green. The Benjamins.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I'd be totally loose with the cash.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41I'd be spreadin' the dollar love all over the honeys.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- I literally have nae idea what you're talking about.- Grandpa Gary.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47What was that?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48HE LAUGHS
0:07:51 > 0:07:56Bushes! They're moving! Bushes! Cover!
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Shit! Shit! Shit! There's no time for that.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Contact! Get back to the house, you halfwits!
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Baddies! Fire!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Where were yous? - We were right there.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Critical shot. Shite!
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- It's no our fault you did a number one on the enemy. - I never seen them.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25They just looked like bushes.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26I think that's the point!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Calm down. There was nothing we could dae about it.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33We were...ambushed. D'ya get it?
0:08:33 > 0:08:38- Aye.- Am-bushed. Oh, Gary,
0:08:38 > 0:08:41you need folk like me in these situations. You do. Aye.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46MUSIC: "I'm Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Take me through that again.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Right. Jacko pee'd on the bush, who were also the enemy,
0:09:26 > 0:09:29so that made him and the bushes raging, right, so the bushes started
0:09:29 > 0:09:34shooting at Jacko, so we shot at the bushes, then you came to the window and the bushes ran off.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I didn't send you out there like two girls in a nightclub
0:09:37 > 0:09:40to accompany each other to the toilet.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42We didnae, Sarge, I never even went.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Only because you were too busy touching up your blusher, Michele!
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- I expected more of you, Jackson. - Sarge.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Happens to the best of us, mate.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Luckily I've got a spare Sudoku book with me, three in fact,
0:09:55 > 0:09:56and a word search.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Shame it was blanks.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Chaps, serious stuff.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07Father just called. He shouted, "Ninnies," then hung up.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Thank you for the intel, sir.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12It would appear the Colonel has upped the stakes.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Listen up, we've lost two wannabe men,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17so as of now, we are on lockdown.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- No one leaves the building, understood?- Sarge.
0:10:19 > 0:10:24I really quite need...a tinkle.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Well, sir, I'm afraid you're going to have to hold it in.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31We just couldn't risk your leadership skills by having you outside.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Sir, I find thinking of a broken tap helps.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38Good work, Corporal.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Oh.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45What are you lookin' so smug about?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47It's just one of their days, Sarge, eh?
0:10:47 > 0:10:52Just think, Sarge, it willnae be that long till we're working side and beside.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Equals and that.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- Equals and that?- Aye.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Captain Fanshaw's told me about the job.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- He's gettin' a promotion with loads more money. - Is that a fact?
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Has this post been officially advertised?
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Because under current employment legislation it really should have been.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Can I borrow that?- Aye, sure.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17Well, I do very much hope that you get that job.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22Do you? That's very nice of you.
0:11:22 > 0:11:30But then I'm a very nice person.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Aye...
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Aye...
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Aye what?
0:12:08 > 0:12:14Nothing. It's just something I do when it's quiet.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Well, don't.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Mmmmmm...
0:12:22 > 0:12:26- Nae chance. Big cup? - How no?
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Right. Five down, two words, drinking vessel.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Two words?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Drinking vessel. VESSEL.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40- Booze cruise? - THEY LAUGH
0:12:40 > 0:12:43Arse. You're not far off a bruise cruise.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Aye, like cruisin' for a bruisin'.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Grenade! Gas! Gas! Gas! Masks!
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Oh, no. I've misplaced my... Oh, God!
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Oh! Sir! Here's one.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- Where is my mask!- Bravo, Corporal.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Where is my shitting mask?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- What do we do?- Return fire!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Fire!
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Ninnies!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29GUN FIRES
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Take that!
0:13:31 > 0:13:37- I cannae see!- Neither can I. It doesnae matter. Just keep firing.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42- They're bottlin' it! - Be off with you!
0:13:42 > 0:13:47- Cease fire! Cease fire!- Bastard!
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I am buzzin', man! How good was that?
0:13:50 > 0:13:55No, but how good was that? Yesssss!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59I have just been shot. Dead!
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Now who has my mask?
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Oh, this isn't mine. Sergeant?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Thank you, sir.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Don't thank me. Corporal found it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Nae big smokes. I was just, er, doing my job.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33'I think youth gun crime is a serious issue.'
0:14:33 > 0:14:39I think what we should do is, like, have young folk with guns
0:14:39 > 0:14:40versus the army.
0:14:40 > 0:14:45And whoever wins gets to keep all the guns. Imagine that.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Imagine we lost.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50And all the young folk got to keep all our guns
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and their own as well, right?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56But then imagine we had to go to war and we never had any guns,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58like how embarrassing would that be?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01But then the enemy would be like, "Where's all your guns?"
0:15:01 > 0:15:05And we'd be like, "Oh, awkward. We've no got any.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08"We lost them in a bet to young folk."
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Be quite funny, eh?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Then everybody would like start laughing, and then we'd be pals.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24What are you daein, ya bam radge? It's half four in the morning.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Gets the blood flowin', keeps me sharp.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Makes you look like a tit.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Love it. Even frae beyond the grave you're angry.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Right, stop that. I'm no havin' it.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44What do you do to keep yourself awake,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46like if you're really knackered?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49I'll tell you what I dinnae do, and that's press ups and star jumps
0:15:49 > 0:15:52cos they're tiring and when you're tired, daein something that
0:15:52 > 0:15:53makes you more tired is a stupid idea.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56You could argue that by exercising you're releasin'
0:15:56 > 0:15:57more oxygen into the blood.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Another thing that I dinnae do is listen to Charlie,
0:16:00 > 0:16:02or I'll be guaranteed to fall asleep.
0:16:02 > 0:16:07See that, lads? That is why I am on my way to the top.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11MOANING
0:16:11 > 0:16:15I really am rather desperate for the old WC.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16A wheelchair?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19- A wee wee. - Have you tried holding it in?
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Private, desperate!
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Just use a water bottle, sir. That's what we dae in the tank,
0:16:23 > 0:16:26just remember to empty it out first, that's my top tip.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29Excellent, Corporal. Bottle quick!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Allow me. Charlie?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41See that, lads?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45That's what you call thinkin' while standin' on your feet.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50Easy! General McLintoch.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53HE CHUCKLES
0:16:59 > 0:17:01It's too quiet.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03It's all going to kick off again.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Aye.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08But no yet.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10How d'ye know?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Gary knows. Gary always knows.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20Gary'll tell me when somethin' bad's going to happen.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23But no yet.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27No yet.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34Finished! Oh, ah, Corporal. would you mind?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Team work, eh? Corporal?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Start as we, er... mean to, er...
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Right.
0:18:05 > 0:18:10MUSIC: "Crazy, Crazy Nights" by Kiss
0:18:43 > 0:18:49Er, Corporal, thanks. Seal really is broken.
0:18:49 > 0:18:55Once you pop, you er, can't stop.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Skoosh skoosh?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06As you were, chaps, departed.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09THEY SNIGGER
0:19:09 > 0:19:11It's no funny!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13No, you're wrong. It is funny.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15I swear the bottles are gettin' warmer.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- You're lucky it wasnae a number two. - Oh, there's still time.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- He's just opened up a family pack of Snickers.- Oh no. No!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26There is nae way I can do this job if I'm going to be
0:19:26 > 0:19:29some kind of full-time pee pee pourer!
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Yous are gonnae have to help me get out of it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Cannae mate. I'm dead.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36And sadly I passed away some time ago.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Right, that's just fine, I'll dae it mysel'. I can handle anything.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41So we've seen!
0:19:44 > 0:19:47HEAVY THUD
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- What was that?- Corporal.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Hello!
0:19:58 > 0:20:05- Anybody there?- There might be who's there? Is it is it the enemy?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Rupes! Pasty, is that you?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Rupes? As in Rupes?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Ya, your bro, Rupes.
0:20:14 > 0:20:20Pasty, listen, got a bit of a parachute mis-drop situ here,
0:20:20 > 0:20:21bit stuck.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Handies?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Two ticks.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Sir, it might be a trap.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31No way, Josie. Father doesn't like Rupe. Never has.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36- Right. I'll check it out. Cover me. - On it.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Corporal McLintoch! Oh, shit in the en suite.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50- What are you doing in Bolton? - Nothing. We're in Broxburn.
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Looks like I've had some pretty serious Tom Tom trubs.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Is Jacko here?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00Aye. He'll be pleased to see you. He's dead.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Right. You just need to... No. Just let me get...
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Just... Take... No.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Have you... Right. Just... No, that's...
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Yes, it's true, Pops hates me. Always has done.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Got to love the old dog.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20He's clean.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Sorry, Rupes, just er, the er...
0:21:22 > 0:21:25On no, not at all. It's wizard fun.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Just super spesh to see Jacko again.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31That's weird cos Jacko's always sayin' how much he misses you,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33and respects you.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35For shoozle. Right back at you.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Punch it in Mega J.
0:21:41 > 0:21:46So you guys are on exercise too. How's the, er, wicket?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Father's taking it pretty, er, seriously.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Three men down and if it wasn't for Corporal, erm...
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I'd be six foot, er...
0:21:55 > 0:21:58No, no, no. I havenae helped, havenae helped,
0:21:58 > 0:22:01I'm mair like Jessica Fletcher cos folk keep dyin' around me.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Modest, modest as shit. Modest shit of a man.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Ya.- A touch convenient you ended up here.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Oh not a mundo.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I thought the green light was my drop zoneo.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17I'll be back, cracked and sacked by my superiors for this one.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20What green light? There's no lights on.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Lights in the window, sort of on and off,
0:22:23 > 0:22:25thought it was some kind of drop signal.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Sorry. It's my Mum.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31She keeps phoning. She worries cos of the news and that.
0:22:31 > 0:22:39- Mickey!- And, er, I've been taking a few calls from Father. Ah...
0:22:39 > 0:22:41wee wee time. Bottle, Corporal?
0:22:45 > 0:22:50Actually, never, never mind about the bottle, eh?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Cos I'm going to say something that might get me
0:22:53 > 0:22:58into loads of trouble, and should cost me my future job, but...
0:22:58 > 0:23:03what ye all about, using your mobile phone on an exercise?
0:23:03 > 0:23:06How dare you?
0:23:06 > 0:23:10You are a very naughty Captain!
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Corporal.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22In all my time as an er... officer of her Majesty's...
0:23:22 > 0:23:29nobody has ever spoken to... like that.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34Takes a very brave man to stand up to someone like, er...
0:23:34 > 0:23:38so, er... point taken.
0:23:51 > 0:23:57I dinnae ken if it was the right thing to shoot Osama,
0:23:57 > 0:24:01but then I wasnae actually there when it happened so... Or was I?
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Em, I wasnae.
0:24:05 > 0:24:13But, I mean... end o' day, you've got to admit...
0:24:13 > 0:24:15he was a bad lad.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18He was a proper Jihadi Baddy, eh?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26It's ten to six.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28What do you want, a tell the time badge?
0:24:28 > 0:24:32There's only ten minutes left. Where are they?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Maybe they've gone home.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Where did they get you?
0:24:41 > 0:24:46Sir. See, about this job...
0:24:46 > 0:24:49They havenae. Movement! There's loads of them.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Sir, can I fire?
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Yes, fire at them.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Come to Gary!
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Come on boys, final push, pull the trigger!
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Dae it. Dae it in memory of me!
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Easy! Easy! Easy!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Like shootin' sharks in a barrel.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Ninnies!
0:25:28 > 0:25:34You may have shot my men, but there's still me to contend with.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Sir, can I shoot your Da?
0:25:38 > 0:25:39He's getting closer!
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Urgh! I could've got him as well.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47- I'm taking the shot. - No, he's my father. I'll shoot him.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Father!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Good shot, sir!
0:25:53 > 0:25:54You little bugger!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56We've won!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Yes!
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Not quite, gentlemen.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Rupes? I just shot Papa.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I know. That was Father's plan all along.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07What?
0:26:07 > 0:26:11He set this whole thing up. At enormous expense.
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Parachuted me in, distracted you all with a final push,
0:26:15 > 0:26:18which of course gave me long enough to grab this.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21Thanks, Jacksy.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Genius.- But what about all that stuff about your dad hating you?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Oh no, that's true. He can't stand me.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29But all I had to do to gain his respect is finish you off.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Sorry, Pasty.
0:26:32 > 0:26:38Awwww! Dam and botherage, I'm dead.
0:26:38 > 0:26:40Get it up you, ya fanny!
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- Ya, ya fanny!- Funny!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- ALL:- Yaaaaaa!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50HE CHUCKLES
0:26:50 > 0:26:53He shot you? When you had a rifle?
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Confirms everything.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Sorry, Father.
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Quick thinking, Corporal.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Good soldiering, bloody well give you that.- Thank you, sir.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05The Corporal's agreed to be my new, er, aide. Good news?
0:27:05 > 0:27:09What?! Aide?! Don't be ridiculous!
0:27:09 > 0:27:14You want to take a half bloody decent soldier off the bloody field of battle to be your potty holder?!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16You've gone potty, man!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20May I respectfully suggest, sir, that perhaps Corporal McLintoch
0:27:20 > 0:27:23may be more suitably positioned in the line of fire.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29Abso-bloody correct. I shall expect you back at your post, Corporal.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Yes, sir.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35And as for you, shooting your own Father?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Your mother will be hearing about this.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43You two with me. Taxi!
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Chop-chop, thank you.
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Sarge got me out the job. Cheers!
0:27:54 > 0:27:55You're welcome.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59- Of course, as repayment, I expect you to do something for me.- Anything.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Ice cream? It's quite heavy.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- I don't want it. Can you get rid of it?- Aye.
0:28:08 > 0:28:13But, er... I need the tub back when you're done.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17Course. Nae bother. See you later.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Ohhhh!
0:28:24 > 0:28:30No, no, no! Lads! Lads!
0:28:53 > 0:28:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd