0:00:08 > 0:00:12LAUGHTER
0:00:15 > 0:00:18Stop it!
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Everyone's looking at me!
0:00:20 > 0:00:23You've got a right dirty laugh, d'you know that?
0:00:23 > 0:00:25You sound like Barbara Windsor!
0:00:25 > 0:00:29- Oh, I know. It's the smoking. - I didn't know you smoked.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34Yeah, I do, but I'm going to start giving up when I'm 28 and then definitely stop when I'm 30.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Can you believe we're going to meet tomorrow?
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Only 17 hours to go now, babes.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Hiya, Stacey.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03All right, Doris? How's the leg?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- I wish they'd cut the bugger off. - Oh, you don't mean that.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10Oh, yes, I do. You hand me the axe, I'll do it myself.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14- You going up London on your blind date?- It's not really a blind date.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19- We've been talking for six months. Just haven't met, like. - What time are you off?- First thing.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Dave's Coaches. Cacking myself, I am.- Stace, love, you've got to chill out.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28The thing to remember is don't go giving him nothing on the first night.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- Really?- Well, no, not nothing.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34A kiss, a cuddle, a cheeky finger.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Just don't go selling him the whole farm.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Oh, thanks, Dor.- See you, love.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46- Hiya, Mam.- Hiya, luv. Is that Doris out?- Yeah.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- How's her leg?- Fine.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- That's a nice top.- TK Maxx.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Five quid, down from ten.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- Can't go wrong. Fancy an omelette? - Aye, go on, then.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- Nessa'll be here at six. - Will she want an omelette?- I dunno.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06It's me. Mam's doing an omelette - d'you want one?
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Mmm...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Yeah...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26OK.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27She don't want one.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Oh, come on!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I DO know her!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44You can know someone without meetin' 'em, y'know.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Look, what's the big deal?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51She's bringing a mate, I'm bringing you.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52No, I won't!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I'm not ringing her, saying, "Text a photo of your friend for Smithy.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01"He wants to see if she's a minger". It's too late now, anyway.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02All right.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05- Hiya, Gav.- All right, Mum?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07No, not really. I'm absolutely shattered.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- I've been crying all afternoon. - How come?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13That Pet Rescue.
0:03:13 > 0:03:19There was this badger, and all its litter died, and you could actually see the mother badger crying.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I don't think badgers can cry, Mum.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Nor did I, my little prince.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25But I know what I saw, and it's knocked me for six.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Still, life goes on.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Your dad'll be home in a minute, and those steaks won't cook themselves.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38And will you please make sure you stay with Nessa at all times? Do not let her out of your sight.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I don't know why you think Nessa's any safer than me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43She's a big girl. Gets it from her father.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46If she's one iota of his aggression inside her, you'll be OK.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50We don't know anything about Gavin. He might be a paedophile.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- He wouldn't be interested in me, would he?- He might be grooming you.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Your Uncle Bryn's coming around with a rape alarm.
0:03:57 > 0:04:04- He tried for pepper spray, but he haven't had no luck.- Oh, Mam! - All right?- Hiya, love.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Where's your stuff?
0:04:06 > 0:04:11- What, that's it?- I got my sling, a packet of feminine wipes and 60 Regal. What more do I need?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- What about your toothbrush? - I got Tic Tacs.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Oh, tell me you are joking.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23We're only going for one night.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31I've been looking forward to this all day long.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35You're too good to me, sweetcheeks, you are, really.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Good day, Dad?- Yeah, not bad, mate.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42I left work at two, just played a full 18 with Chalky and Woodruffe.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- Don't tell your mother. - How did you get on?- Not bad. A couple of birdies.- What's that?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48A couple of birdies in the bush in the front garden
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- when I got in from work. - You want to get a life, Michael.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Gavin doesn't want to know about birds in a bush.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Good job he's playing golf tomorrow, eh, Gav?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59What on earth have you got there?
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- I'm on the Atkins.- You what?
0:05:02 > 0:05:08Atkins means - unlike you two, I'm not entitled to any carbohydrates, vis-a-vis chips.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11So I have substituted my chips by having two extra steaks.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Three steaks? Are you mad?
0:05:13 > 0:05:19No. It's not three steaks, it's one steak for me as an actual steak, one as a substitute for my chips
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- and one as a substitute for my peas. - But you're eating half a cow, woman!
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Right. That's it. I knew you'd say something.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- I'll starve.- Mum, come on! - No, Gavin. I've had enough.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I've tried. God knows I've tried.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I've done the lot. Pilates. Doesn't work.
0:05:33 > 0:05:39- Can't do cabbage soup, you don't like the smell. Now I can't have steak.- Oh, for the love of Mike(!)
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- Dad, she's on a diet.- Look, I'm sorry, have the sodding steaks.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45No. And d'you know why?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Because you will be up that golf club tomorrow and you'll be giving it all this.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51"D'you know what my wife Pamela had last night?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55"D'you what my fat, disgusting wife Pamela had? Three steaks!"
0:05:55 > 0:06:00They'll tell their wives, and before you know it I'll be known as Three Steaks Pam.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Like when I had a urine infection. Look what they called me then.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Just eat the steaks.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? Well, no.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15- You are going to watch me starve. Prepare to watch your wife starve, potentially to death.- Gav-la?
0:06:15 > 0:06:20- Pam-la? Michael?- Hello, Smithy!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Ah, darling! - Pamela, you're looking beautiful!
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Oh, stop it!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Would you like a steak? - One going, is there?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Due to recent events, there happens to be three going.- Three?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I just had shepherd's pie, but I'll take two of them on.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- You not eating, Pam?- Er, no, Smithy.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43And this may be the last time you ever see me.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Give it a rest!- Chuck us that sauce.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49So I said to him, "Oh, scaghead, do what you like.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52"It's your life. I'm not about to tell you how to live it.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55"I wouldn't tell myself how to live my life.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59"But don't come round here peddling your wares, cos I've got a business to run."
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- But you haven't a business to run. - Between twelve and two, I am in charge.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08At that particular moment, I was in charge. So yes, I do have a business to run, as it goes.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10< Only me!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Hiya!- I got the alarm.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Oh, hiya, Ness.- All right, Bryn?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- How's it going down the slots? - I won't lie to you, Bryn.
0:07:18 > 0:07:24I hates it. Barry Island's not what it used to be, but what can you do? Times change. People move on.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27What do I owe you for that alarm, Bryn?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- Don't worry - this one's on me. - No, come on.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Ey, these things are important.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36My brother would turn in his grave if he thought I wasn't looking after his little girl.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41And the truth is, I don't want anyone in this room being raped, myself included.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- That's very good of you, love. - Aye. Fair play.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Oh, thanks, Uncle Bryn.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Ey, come on, don't get me started now. Right!
0:07:50 > 0:07:54The man in the shop says I should give you a little demonstration.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59So, Stace, I want you to run at me as if to all intents and purposes you were my attacker.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01You don't have to show me. I can work it out.
0:08:01 > 0:08:08Stace, tomorrow morning you are travelling to London, England, to meet a boy you've never met before.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10I offered to come with you. You said, "No."
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I offered to drive and wait in the car. You said, "No."
0:08:13 > 0:08:19Now, you've met me halfway on the rape alarm - at least have the decency to let me give you
0:08:19 > 0:08:23a demonstration because, I tell you this for nothing, if you come back
0:08:23 > 0:08:28on Sunday raped and I showed you how to use it, I'll rest easy in my bed.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33You come back on Sunday raped, the fault will lie solely at your door.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34So, please, attack me.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Oh, no, no. What are you doing?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47You've got to put a bit of aggression into it.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Stace, sit down. Ness, you have a go.
0:08:54 > 0:08:59Not too late to back out, y'know. All it takes is one phone call.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01- No, I've got to meet her. I want to meet her.- Really?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Yeah, it's exciting.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07Maybe it is exciting, but you know what they say about excitement?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- What?- It's by the by.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13I was talking to Gary and Simon about you, and we're worried.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- Why?- You're putting all your eggs in one bag.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20She's Welsh! She might not even turn up. All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Since when did you became an expert on relationships?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27You've only had one girlfriend, she's just turned 17.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30So forgive me if I don't hang on your every word regarding my love life.
0:09:30 > 0:09:3317-and-three-quarters and she got 90% in her driving theory test.
0:09:33 > 0:09:39- Look, you don't have to come. I'll go on me own.- You're not going on your own to meet up with two freaks!
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- Stacey's not a freak.- She might not be but her mate could be a complete nutter.- Course she won't be!
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- RAPE ALARM SHRIEKS - You perverted piece of... - Argh!- Put him down, Nessa!
0:09:47 > 0:09:48You make me sick!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Is that the sort of thing you meant, then?- Yes.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- 'Night, Ness.- 'Night, Stace.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23MUSIC: "Don't Look Back Into The Sun" by The Libertines
0:10:29 > 0:10:31# Don't look back into the sun
0:10:31 > 0:10:34# Well you know that the time is come
0:10:34 > 0:10:36# And they said it would never come
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# For you, oh oh oh oh... #
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Forgotten your case, Ness?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I had the best night of my life with that woman.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Are we all right to smoke, then?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53- Animal. Absolute animal.- Dave?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56What? Oh, sorry, luv... Smoking? Yeah.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59My motto is "Fags and weed, glue and speed,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01but I draws the line at crack".
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- That way, everyone knows where they stand.- Oh, fair play.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14THAT is de-bloody-beautiful!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Yeah, it is nice.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19This beer is allowed to ferment for nine years in North Rhine-Westphalen,
0:11:19 > 0:11:21home of Munchengladbach FC,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24and is considered one of Germany's best-kept secrets.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Right, Gav-la...
0:11:28 > 0:11:33I think you'll agree, that THAT is easily worth an 8.5.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Gav?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- Gavin?- Yeah?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Yeah, whatever.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- This was your idea!- What?
0:11:43 > 0:11:48This! You came to my house. You said, "Let's try every beer around the world within 12 months."
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I said, "You'll never do it." You said, "Come on." I said, "No." You said, "Please?" I said, "Fine."
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Gary and Simon dropped out after Belgium. I don't know where Fingers is.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00But you! Once things turned up a notch with Stacey, you've gone missing!
0:12:00 > 0:12:03The lights are on, but everyone's gone out. I wash my hands of you.
0:12:03 > 0:12:08- Smithy...- And if this mate of hers turns out to be a munter, that could be it for me and you.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Are you drinking that?- I'm just too nervous, mate.- Right. Well...
0:12:23 > 0:12:26# So at my show on Monday I was hoping some day
0:12:26 > 0:12:29# You'd be on your way to better things
0:12:29 > 0:12:33# It's not about your make-up or how you try to shape up
0:12:33 > 0:12:36# To these tiresome paper dreams
0:12:38 > 0:12:41# Paper dreams, honey
0:12:42 > 0:12:45# So now you pour your heart out You're telling me you're far out
0:12:45 > 0:12:48# But not about to lie down for your cause
0:12:48 > 0:12:52# But you don't pull my strings cos I'm a better man
0:12:52 > 0:12:56# Moving on to better things woh oh oh
0:12:56 > 0:13:01# I love her because she moves in her own way
0:13:01 > 0:13:06# Woh oh oh she came to my show just to hear about my day
0:13:10 > 0:13:14# And at a show on Tuesday she was in her mind, see
0:13:14 > 0:13:16# Tempered furs and spangled boots
0:13:16 > 0:13:19# Looks are deceiving make me believe it
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- # And these tiresome paper dreams. # There she is.- Where?- There!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Oh, my God. Right, come on.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29But where's her mate? Oi! Where's her mate?!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Stacey?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36Oh, my God! Hiya!
0:13:36 > 0:13:41- When did you get here? - I thought you weren't going to come! I've only been here ten minutes.
0:13:42 > 0:13:47- I like your cardi.- Cheers. River Island.- Oh, so is my belt! Amazing!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Oh, sorry, mate. Stace, this is Smithy.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Hiya, Stacey, all right? Heard a lot about you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- Heard a lot about you, too. - Come on your own in the end then, did you? Or...?
0:13:59 > 0:14:03What? Oh, no, no, I came with... Oh, here she is now! Nessa!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Oh for...
0:14:05 > 0:14:10- This is Vanessa. - Six quid for two slices of pizza! They take the piss, these Cockneys.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- Ness!- What?- This is Gavin.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15All righ', Gav? How's it going, all righ'?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19Yeah, great. Er...and this is Smithy.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28- Right... Well, shall we get a drink? - Yeah, great!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Oh, Stace!
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- D'you not want this now? - No, I'm not hungry any more!
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Yeah, might as well.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Oh, it's a bit dead in here.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- I don't mind, it's well base. - What do you want to drink?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- I'll have a white wine spritzer and Ness will have a gin and tonic. - All right.
0:14:51 > 0:14:58All right, er, yeah - two beers, double gin and tonic, white wine spritzer. And eight After Shocks.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03What?
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Smithy?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09This is a nightmare of epic proportions.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11What's wrong with her?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14A - how old is it?!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16B - have you seen the tattoo?!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- And 3 - look at the size of it! - What d'you mean?- She's massive!
0:15:19 > 0:15:24- She's not.- She's huge.- With respect, Smithy...- I'm big, I'll give you that. Sorry, the size of that...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- Look at it!- Hey!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28All right? Been powdering your nose?
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Oh thanks, Stace. Thanks a lot. - What?- Look -
0:15:32 > 0:15:37let's get one thing straight. I don't touch that shit no more, all right? I did...and now I don't.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39So let that be an end to it.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Oh, Nessa!
0:15:45 > 0:15:49And D - to top it all off - she's a drug addict! Brilliant!
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Cheers, mate.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- # Baby- Baby - Through the years
0:15:55 > 0:15:56# How can you stand to hear
0:15:56 > 0:15:59# My pleading for you, dear?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- # You know I'm crying - You you you you
0:16:01 > 0:16:04# All alone I sit home by the phone
0:16:04 > 0:16:05# Waiting for you
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- # Baby- Baby
0:16:08 > 0:16:10# All alone I sit home by the phone
0:16:11 > 0:16:13# Waiting for you
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- # Baby- Baby
0:16:15 > 0:16:19# All alone I sit home by the phone
0:16:19 > 0:16:21# Waiting for you
0:16:21 > 0:16:23- # Baby- Baby
0:16:23 > 0:16:26# Through the years how can you stand to hear
0:16:26 > 0:16:27# My pleading for you, dear?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- # You know I'm crying - You you you you... #
0:16:56 > 0:17:01- I'm so hot!- I know. I'm wet through! - I can't believe this, you know.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- You what?- This! Us - I can't believe it!- I know.
0:17:04 > 0:17:10- It's better than I thought it would be.- It's like I've known you ages. - Like I've known you for life.- What?
0:17:10 > 0:17:15- Like I've known you all my life. - I was so worried you wouldn't like me.- You what?
0:17:15 > 0:17:21- I was so nervous.- Yeah, me too!- Look, Stace, I just want you to know... - Sorry?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- I just want you to know... - I can't hear you!
0:17:24 > 0:17:28I just wanted to...
0:17:37 > 0:17:39..say that.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Wey-hey!
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Smithy! Train goes in 20 minutes!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00You don't have to go, y'know.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Not if you don't want to.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- What, you mean come back? - Yeah. Well, if you like.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07It's up to you. I don't want you to think that...
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Gavin, I'm asking you to come back with me.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14S'all right, mate. You get the train.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16- I'm going to go back with erm... - Nessa.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Nessa, that's it. Can I have a word?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- We'll have to stop off at a garage on the way.- Are you in?
0:18:24 > 0:18:29- I think so.- Quality!- Quality. - We'll have to make a stop, girls. - What for?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Well, we might have to... erm...get some...
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Don't worry. I got a stash. Ribbed.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Taxi!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41THEY GIGGLE
0:18:41 > 0:18:44INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:18:47 > 0:18:49There's no minibar.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- I'll order some room service, shall I?- Yeah.- Gav,
0:18:52 > 0:18:56I'm not bein' funny, but it's half two now and we're leaving in eight hours.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59We all know what's going to happen, who wants what...
0:18:59 > 0:19:02so why not cut to the chase and we can all get some?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05And they say romance is dead(!)
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Right, Stace, how d'you want to do this?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Well, we'll have this bed, you have that one.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Switch the lights off and get on with it.- Hang on, are you serious?
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- Those beds are like two feet apart. - I don't give a shit.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I just feel a little bit uncomfortable!
0:19:19 > 0:19:25- OK. OK, as a mate...we'll go in the en suite. Yeah? Nessa?- All right...
0:19:26 > 0:19:30..but only for the first one. I hopes you're hungry, big boy.
0:19:30 > 0:19:36- SMITHY CHUCKLES - Come on! Get in here now.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Bit of music? HEAVY ROCK PLAYS
0:19:40 > 0:19:45- Sorry. Bloody thing... - Hang on, let's try this.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49RADIO: 'How long have you had the growths?'
0:19:49 > 0:19:54- MUSIC: "Last Request" by Paolo Nutini - I love this one.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58- Right. D'you want a drink, then? - Gavin...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- I can go down to the bar if you like...- Gav...- I'm easy...
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I just don't... We can talk if you want.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34This is so lush.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Mmm. It is.
0:20:40 > 0:20:41It's totally lush.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- SMITHY:- Oh! Oh, God!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53- Oh! Dirty! - GLASS SMASHES - Oh!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Oh! Oh! That's it.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Oh.- Oh.- Now we're talking. Oh, take it...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- Oh, yeah.- Oh... - TOILET FLUSHES
0:21:03 > 0:21:09- STACEY LAUGHS - Ow! Ow! OW! Oh, God!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Ooooh, God.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- (Gav...)- Oh, Stace, don't wake him.
0:21:21 > 0:21:27- Why?- I'm not being funny, you look like shit. Last night you looked cracking. Let that be the memory.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Good point. I'll leave a note.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- What about Smithy?- No, leave him.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36His breath is rank and mine's not much better.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Smithy! Smithy!
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Oh, God. Oh, my God.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Come on, mate, we haven't got time for this.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Ohh... I feel like I've been abused!
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Look, I want to say goodbye properly. Their coach leaves in half an hour.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Oh God, the guilt. Oh, the guilt!
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Oh, what about Lucy?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- I'm going to have to confess. - No, mate! Look, what's the point? - I've got to!
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- No you don't!- I have!- Why? - You don't understand!
0:22:31 > 0:22:35She did things... Mate...
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Smithy! I am not discussing anything about last night with you!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41I need to know whether this is something that just...
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Oh...
0:22:42 > 0:22:47- Nessa.- Nessa. Whether it's something just she does or is it a Welsh thing?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Why does it matter? - If it's something everybody does I don't need to see a doctor.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- Get dressed!- All right!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, God!
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Don't suppose I can tempt you to a Chinese down mine later?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Oh, Dave, when are you going to learn?
0:23:12 > 0:23:17You could buy me all the chocolates, all the chow mein you like, but it won't wash, and you knows why.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Back off or I'll tell everyone on that coach about my trip to the doctor's, is that what you want?
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- No. Sorry.- Look, I think you're a cracking bloke, Dave,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27but let's face it - you're riddled.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30I know.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34How is everything, er, down there, by the way?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Shipshape and shiny now, no thanks to you.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41GAVIN: Stacey! Stacey!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Oh, no!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46- I had to say goodbye.- Aw!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49You, er...forgot this.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Oh, tidy.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- So I'll give you a ring.- Why?
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- Well, y'know... - Oh, get a life, Smithy. Oh, Stace!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Come on, babes. I'll see you again really soon.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05- Don't.- What?
0:24:05 > 0:24:12Don't promise me nothin'. If this is all it's meant to be, I'm still so happy I met you!
0:24:30 > 0:24:34- Right. KFC?- No, mate, there's something I've got to do. Taxi!
0:24:34 > 0:24:38- What? Where are you going? - I've got to go home. Billericay, please, mate.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- I thought we were going to share a bucket?!- Are you coming or what?
0:24:41 > 0:24:45# I can't keep up and I can't back down
0:24:45 > 0:24:51# I've been losing so much time
0:24:53 > 0:24:56# Cos it's you and me
0:24:56 > 0:25:02# And all of the people with nothing to do
0:25:02 > 0:25:06# Nothing to lose and it's you and me... # Cheers, mate.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11# ..And all of the people and I don't know why
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- # I can't keep my eyes... # - Gav? Gavin?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- How did it go?- Brilliant.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20- What's she like? - I'll tell you later.
0:25:21 > 0:25:26- See you, then. - What on earth's going on?
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Don't ask! All I know is I'm so ravenous I can barely see!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- Do you want a Pammy's full English? - You read my mind!
0:25:31 > 0:25:34How about you, Smithy? Did you have a good time?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Not really, no.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39# ..Don't know where to go from here
0:25:42 > 0:25:45# Cos it's you and me
0:25:45 > 0:25:52# And all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove
0:25:52 > 0:25:57# And it's you and me and all of the people
0:25:57 > 0:26:00# And I don't know why
0:26:00 > 0:26:04# I can't keep my eyes off of you... #
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Oh, my God!
0:26:14 > 0:26:16What you doin' here?!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I said I'd see you soon, didn't I?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26What's up?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Nothing.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- What?- It's stupid...
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Stace?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38It's just...I told myself...
0:26:38 > 0:26:43if ever I saw you again in the flesh, like, that I'd...
0:26:44 > 0:26:46What?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51That I'd tell you something. But I can't.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56Oh, Stace, I'm going for a curry with Dave. I'll call you tomorrow.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02If you say it, I'll say it back.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04I love you.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I love you, too.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- Ohh oooh! - ALARM SHRIEKS
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- What's that?- Just my rape alarm!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14# It's you and me
0:27:14 > 0:27:19# And all of the people and I don't know why
0:27:19 > 0:27:24# I can't keep my eyes off of you
0:27:32 > 0:27:35# What day is it?
0:27:35 > 0:27:40# And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive. #