0:00:01 > 0:00:04- You still on your blind date? - It's not a blind date -
0:00:04 > 0:00:07we've been talking for six months, just haven't met in the flesh.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09She's bringing a mate, I'm bringing you...
0:00:09 > 0:00:13If this mate of hers is a munter, that could be it for me and you.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14You don't have to come.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17I'm not letting you go on your own to meet up with two freaks.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Oh, here she is now. Nessa!
0:00:20 > 0:00:22This is a nightmare of epic proportions.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- It's better than I thought it'd be. - I feel like I've known you ages.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Got any johnnies? I ain't going in there bareback.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31We all know what's going to happen, who wants what,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34so why not cut to the chase and we can all get some?
0:00:34 > 0:00:36This is so lush.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38I feel like I've been abused.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41I want to say goodbye - their coach leaves in half an hour.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45- Stacey!- Oh! - So, I'll give you a ring.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Why?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Well, you know...
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Get a life!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Come on, babes, I'll see you again really soon.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Oh, my God! - If you say it, I'll say it back.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- I love you.- I love you, too.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19BUSY TONE
0:01:37 > 0:01:41- Hello?- Gav?- Stace? Hiya! It didn't even ring then!
0:01:41 > 0:01:46I know! Hiya! I've been ringing you for ages, have you been engaged?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- I was just picking up the phone to ring you. - Oh, my God! We're so in sync!
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- So, are you all right?- I'm good. What about you?- I'm absolutely!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58- I woke up so late and the sandwich man doesn't even come...- Hang on a minute.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02- All right? - Who's that?- It's Bedmoors.- Good. Ask them where this stock is.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Yeah, will do.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- What?- It's a week late. Where is it?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Hello?- Hiya, yeah, so, Ron, the sandwich man...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Gone. Hung up.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I'll call them back at the end of the day.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Cor, they take the piss down there.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25Who hangs up these days, I mean, really! Who was it? Was it that bird, Tracy something?
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Stacey?- That's the one. My God, she can talk.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Our last guy, Tony, he could never get her off the phone.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34She was flirting with him. He was married, he wanted to meet her.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38- Really?- Yeah, look, ring her back, ask her where this is.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39- What, now?- Yes.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43And see if we can start dealing with her line manager - she's a nightmare.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- Yeah, all right. - I met her once, their Christmas party, she was absolutely blotto.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- Puked in her handbag. - PHONE RINGS
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Hello, it's Gavin here from ICB.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Did you just hang up on me? - No, no...- I thought you did.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01- About this order, reference KC3243G, it don't seem to have arrived.- So?
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- Well, could you look into it? - What you on about? - Hang on a minute... What?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Line manager, ask if you can speak to the line manager.- Eh?- Neil.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Is Neil around?- What do you want Neil for?- I just think it's better if I talk with him.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16- Tell her they're not the only ones who sell this stock.- What? Gav, what's the matter?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- What?- Say we'll go to Andersons. - Why are you being weird? - I'm not.- You bloody well will!
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Is it cos we had sex on the first night?- No.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- You think I'm a slag, don't you? - I can deal with this, OK?- You sure? - Is that what you think?- Yes.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30- Are you serious?!- Get on with it. - I am, it's just tricky, that's all.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Stace, sorry.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Do you know what? Forget it!
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- God, you're just the same as the rest of them!- Babe, I can explain.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49PHONE RINGS
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Sorry, love, this machine's closed for cleaning.- What? - Go on, off you go.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- But I'm playing...- I've got to clean it or I don't get paid.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Now, sling your hook, you pervert, or I'll break your arm.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34MACHINE DISPENSES WINNINGS
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- All right, Stace?- No, I'm not.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- It's Gav, I think he's finished with me!- You better get in that kiosk.
0:04:48 > 0:04:54Sweetheart, will you please phone me? I can explain everything, just give me a call.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Still not answering?- No.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Oh, mate...
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- You tried her mobile? - What do you think I've been doing?!
0:05:17 > 0:05:22- I've been ringing it for the last three hours!- All right, don't get all uppity with me!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24She's just not picking up.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Withhold your number.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I do it with girls all the time, they pick up like that.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Oh, that's lovely, that is(!)- Hey, I don't like doing it, but it works.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38I know what will cheer you up.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Have a sip of that.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43What do you think?
0:05:43 > 0:05:47Er...I dunno, it's quite cloudy and it's dark.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- What about the little kick at the back of the tongue?- Yeah... - Textbook.- Will you ring Nessa?
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- No.- Please?- Absolutely not.- Go on, mate.- No.- I need you.- I can't.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57It's not going to happen. No!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Are you...? I can't believe I'm doing this.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Nessa? It's Smithy.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Smithy.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14No, from the weekend.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Gavin's mate.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22You know, at the hotel?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24In the en suite.
0:06:24 > 0:06:25(Toilet brush.)
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Yes, yeah.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32..Good, thanks. Listen, I'm with Gav, is Stace around?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- ..OK, cheers. Don't want to talk to you.- I've got to go down there.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- You've just come bloody back! - I need to explain.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- What about work? - It's fine, I'll use my flex day.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Flex day?! That was meant for paintball with Gary and Simon!
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Oh!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Come on, love. No point getting yourself all upset.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03What did I do wrong? What did I say?
0:07:03 > 0:07:07I dunno. But I tell you something, Gwen, this omelette is immense.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Thanks, love. You sure you don't want one? Cheese and mushroom?
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- No, I can't eat nothing. - See, this is what happens when you mix work with relationships.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I remember when I was working in Harrods.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22I got involved with the boss, and I mean the big boss. Crackin' little fella.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Used to take me to football every Saturday. Couldn't do enough for me.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29But as soon as he got what he wanted, didn't wanna know.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Tried palming me off with his son, and he was trouble.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Kept texting me every day from his boat.
0:07:34 > 0:07:38In the end, I had to say to him, "Oh, back off." Give him his dues, he did.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41I've not heard a peep from him since, and I'm talking years.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44DOORBELL RINGS I'll get it.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- Well, look who it is. - Hiya, Nessa. Is she here?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- You got a nerve.- Listen, I can explain everything... - No. YOU listen, London Boy.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- That girl is heartbroken. Whose fault is it? Not mine.- Mine.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- It's yours.- I just said that.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Oh! Don't get smart with me. I got your number.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I know what you're about. I got my eye on you.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10- What's going on?- Hi, I'm... - What are you selling? Cos I got enough dusters.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- No, I'm not selling anything. It's just...- Jehovah's, is it?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Don't you go picking on this one just cos she looks like easy prey.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20That was all in the past. The cults and the drugs.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Look, you don't understand. I'm... - Hang on, Gwen, I'll be there now.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Look, are you Mrs West?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Who she is, my boy, is no concern of yours.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31He's not Kleeneze cos he hasn't got a badge.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- Nessa, please...- Oh, you got her name pretty quick. That's how they work, you see, Bryn. He's Jehovah's.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Let's have a coffee and celebrate Christmas!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43Listen, this household is very vulnerable since the death of my brother, God rest his soul.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46But you'll have no joy here, so move on.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50And don't think about tryin' Doris or the Howellses next door, because they're Catholic.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54In fact, you can probably miss the next eight houses on this side.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Now, Gwen, who's at number 15? - That new couple.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00We don't know them. Give them a try. Chance your arm, who knows?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- In fact, who's the chap, the bachelor chap, at the end?- Mr Grant.- Stuart!
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Now, your luck may be in there and I tell you for why,
0:09:06 > 0:09:09he doesn't have a tree at Christmas - you've got something in common!
0:09:09 > 0:09:14- Mrs West, I'm Gavin and I'm in love with your daughter.- Gavin!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21(She never said he was a Jehovah's!)
0:09:23 > 0:09:26He was stood right there, breathing over me.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28See, I didn't even think of that.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I just thought you were breaking up with me.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35- Why would I be breaking up with you? - I dunno. It's just what usually happens, that's all.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Last chip. You have it.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- I'm gonna have to go soon. Sorry, babes.- Ahh.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I hates this.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Can't you just move to Barry?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59- What?- It's well lush.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Yeah, it seems well lush.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I just don't want us to be apart. Ever.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- Come with me, then.- What? - Come and stay with me a couple of nights.- Are you serious?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- Why not? We'll both take sickies. - What...now?- Yeah!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17What...just get in your car, drive about 1,000 miles...
0:10:17 > 0:10:22- It's not 1,000 miles... - ..turn up on your parents' doorstep and tell 'em I'm staying?- Yeah.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- All right!- Great!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Oh, my God!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32This is the maddest thing I've ever done in my entire whole life!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I can't wait to tell Ness!
0:10:34 > 0:10:38- You ever coming back? - Nessa! I'm back Wednesday.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Yeah, that's what Carol Powell told me.- Who?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Carol Powell. First best friend.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44She met a guy, Jockey his name was.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Scottish. She went up...never came back down.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Haven't seen her since '82. March 14th.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54I remember the date cos we'd been to see Gary Numan at St David's Hall.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59For all I know, she could have been sex trafficked out of here.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02I doubt it, mind. She's bigger than me.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06All right, love? Now, I've done you both an omelette - one cheese,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09one ham, and there's £10 for Gavin for petrol. Where's he to?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Uncle Bryn's doing him directions, Mum. He doesn't need them.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17I know, love. But let him be. You know Bryn's a giver.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21Right! We are online. Broadband, see. Quick as a flash.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- I'll budge up, you squeeze a cheek on there.- I'll get a chair.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Don't be daft. Won't take a minute.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31OK. Crash course.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34What I've got here is called a route planner.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37It's gonna find your route from here back to your front door.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Now, what is your address?
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Bryn, really, I've driven here twice already.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Gavin, please. Address.
0:11:44 > 0:11:4717 Lime Tree Avenue.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Lime...Tree...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Avenue.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Oh, look out, quite a few here.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Is that Billericay?- Yeah.
0:12:02 > 0:12:08- ..Cheltenham, Doncaster, Hull, Inverness, Solihull, South Shields...- Billericay.- ..Or Swindon?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Billericay.- I thought it would be.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Oh, there it is. Look at that!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Blows my mind every time. Right.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18And print it.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Sometimes, I think of a place just to trick it. Never works.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27I got a whole pile of maps here I've never needed.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Yeah, the internet... just incredible, isn't it?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35It is, Gavin, it is. Provided you remember the one golden rule.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38And I tell you what, it took me a while to get my head round it.
0:12:38 > 0:12:45What it is, you have to start everything - everything - with "W-W-W-dot".
0:12:45 > 0:12:49And the best thing to do is to think of something to help remind you.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Like with me now, I think of Whisky With Water,
0:12:52 > 0:12:56which was my brother, God rest his soul, my brother's favourite drink.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01But it could be anything. I mean, you could say... Come on, three Ws, er...
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Women...Wearing Wings.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08No, don't say that, that's a terrible one.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10What about World Wide Web?
0:13:10 > 0:13:11World Wide Web!
0:13:11 > 0:13:13I like it. Like a spider.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15That's the ticket!
0:13:15 > 0:13:19That's brilliant! You've got it! First class, that is.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22What is it you do, if you don't mind me asking?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- I work in computers.- Oh.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Oh, isn't he lovely?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34He's a cracking looking boy, I'll give you that. Eh, Ness?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36He's all right.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- No!- What?- You are not having toast.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- Why?- I can't be doing with crumbs. Not today.- But I want some toast.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Do not start, Mick. Please. Mick?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Michael. Will you look at me?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I do not need it. Not today.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04What's the problem?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09When Gavin brought Stacey back here last night we were asleep and the place was a pigsty.
0:14:09 > 0:14:13There were newspapers all over the lounge, my pants on the radiator.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17- Thank God they were new. And who knows what in the sink.- Why are you talking like a deaf person?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21I am not talking like a deaf person. These are hushed tones.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25And you should know better, what with your cousin Keith. Don't do the impression.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- I wasn't going to do the impression! - Keep your voice down!- What for?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Because the love of your son's life is asleep upstairs
0:14:32 > 0:14:36and the least we can do is give her peace and quiet within the confines of a tidy house.
0:14:36 > 0:14:40- Now, I will be doing a family breakfast.- Family breakfast?
0:14:40 > 0:14:44If you can't wait, you can have Golden Grahams as long as you eat them over the sink.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- All right, Mum?- Morning, my little prince! Can I get you anything? Tea?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- Toast?- What...hang on a minute...
0:14:50 > 0:14:51- Mick!- All right, Dad.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Yeah, I'm fine, son, apart from the fact that your mum's trying to starve me.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Did Stacey sleep all right? I wish you'd have given us some warning.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Did she say anything about my pants?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Don't worry, love. She'd never even known they were pants.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07She'd have thought they were bed sheets.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16FAINT LAUGHTER
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Oh, my God!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Oh, my God!
0:15:56 > 0:16:02Now, I've got fresh strawberries, raspberries, pineapple and melon,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05croissants, pain au chocolat and brioche...
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Where's all this come from? - I was down at Tesco's at five.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Mum...you didn't need to do all this.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Yeah, we're talking about Gavin's new girlfriend, not Princess Di!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16You do not mention that hussy's name in this house
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and you know that, Michael. DOOR SHUTS
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Ssh. She's coming. Put your paper down.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Hiya.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I'm Stacey.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41HE MOUTHS
0:16:43 > 0:16:45You all right for tea there, Stacey?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Coffee? Juice?- I'm fine, thanks.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56HE MOUTHS
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Oh, my Christ.- You all right, love?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Right, well, I'm off. That was terrific.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Lovely to meet you, Stacey. You coming to the quiz tonight?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Yeah, I'll be there.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Great. See you, Gav.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Mick! Can I have a word?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Oh my God, just hold me!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Hey...what's up?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Can't you see what's going on?
0:17:31 > 0:17:35With Jackie Onassis in there? I know, what's that all about?
0:17:35 > 0:17:39It is evidently, plainly obvious that our son has been beating that poor girl.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Are you mad? - How else do you explain this?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43He's given her two black eyes.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- She's been beaten within an inch of her life!- Don't be ridiculous.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Gavin would never do that! - I've seen it happen before.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52- When?- Holby City. There was an episode...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Right, that's it, that's enough. I'm off.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57You're just going to ignore it, are you? What if I'm right?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Right. Gavin!
0:18:01 > 0:18:05Can you come out here, please?
0:18:05 > 0:18:06- Yeah?- Gavin.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11- Your mother would like to know if you've been...hitting Stacey?- Eh?
0:18:11 > 0:18:15- It's all right, my little prince. We can get you help.- Are you serious?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Well, what's with the glasses?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I don't know. She won't tell me.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I'm just as stumped as you are. I bought them at New Year's.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Me and Smithy went as the Blues Brothers.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Right. Stacey, could you come out here a minute, please?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Babes, we're all a bit confused about the eyewear situation.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- Please, don't make me take them off. - Are you hiding something?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Yeah.- It's all right, sweetheart.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49You're in safe hands. D'you wanna show me and not the boys?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59OK.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Mick...see you tonight.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Have a good day at work. Gavin, tidy the kitchen.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Me and Stacey are going to be spending a little bit of time in the bathroom. Come on, petal.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13OK, darling, this isn't going to hurt a bit.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Ow!
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Gavlar!- Smithster!- All right, mate.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Good day?- Blinding. Just took 700 quid for refitting a boiler.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39Stace, may I welcome you to the Coach and Horses and to Essex.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Ooh-hoo, that's a shocker, innit?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Michael, looking exquisite, but not as good as Pam-lar.
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Pam-lar, Pam-lar, the love of my life, the girl I want to call my wife, but she's taken.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52A spear through my heart!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Oh, stop it! What's got you in such a good mood?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57It's quiz night, Pammy. Free drinks for Smithy!
0:19:57 > 0:20:01- You got the questions?- All up here. Don't you worry. Shall we?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Question number seven...er...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07All right?
0:20:07 > 0:20:13Er...who won the Golden Boot, World Cup Mexico '86?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Oh, come on!
0:20:14 > 0:20:18That's the second time tonight Gary Lineker's been the answer.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Oh, here they are!- Oh, come on, we need you!- Where have you been?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- Do you want to tell them? - I don't mind.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- Seven o'clock he says he'll be back and he waltzes in ten to nine. - I was working!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31I thought you was a chartered surveyor. I didn't realise you worked in a brewery!
0:20:31 > 0:20:36- Oh, leave it out, will you? - Reeking of booze, rowing with his own daughter...
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Now, now, Dawn, not in front of Stacey. This is Stacey.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- Hiya, Stacey, love. I've heard a lot about you.- Hiya.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46You make me sick!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Question number eight.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Who took over from Des Lynam on BBC One's Match of the Day?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55EVERYONE GROANS
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Question 19...
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Oh...the town of Leicester...
0:21:13 > 0:21:17is the birthplace of...which mass murderer?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Are you all right, babes?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Yeah, I'm having a brilliant time. I'm not even homesick.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Stop gawping at them, woman!
0:21:33 > 0:21:40Oh, well, excuse me, if I've forgotten what romance looks like, you pathetic lump of shit!
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Question 21...
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- 20!- Whatever!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Pascal Chimbonda moved to Tottenham for what transfer fee?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Summer transfer window, season just gone.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Question 29...
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- HE BURPS - Sorry.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Who invented the plug? - He has got to slow down.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I mean, I like a drink, Stace, but this is every quiz night.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16You wanna come down Barry. We're all like that.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Are you really, my love?
0:22:18 > 0:22:23- Is it a pandemic?- Oh, I dunno. We just likes getting pissed.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26You should move to Barry, Pete. Did you hear that?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Question 30
0:22:28 > 0:22:30is...
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Oh, it's, er...
0:22:34 > 0:22:37It's, er... Oh...
0:22:38 > 0:22:42I know the answer...Kriss Akabusi.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Unbelievable!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's gone.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Forget it. All right?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55- Whoever heard of a 29 question quiz? - You came second, didn't you?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58Yeah, and what did we win? Packet of Hamlet!
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Night, night, Bamber Gascoigne! - More like Paul Gascoigne!
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Hey, the man's a genius!
0:23:02 > 0:23:07- Good night, Dawn, I'll call you. - Are you coming, Dawn? - Are you talking to me?
0:23:07 > 0:23:10That's a first! You barely looked at me all night!
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- What?!- Bye, sweetheart. Lovely to see you.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Take it easy, Dawny.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18- Mwah! See you later!- Pete!
0:23:18 > 0:23:22- Ignorant pig, am I?- All bloody night, I sit in there and you...
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Thank you very much for a lovely bloody evening. That was a real delight!
0:23:25 > 0:23:28The thing is, they really love each other.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30They'd never look at anyone else.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- Would you ever look at anyone else, Pam?- Oh, stop it!
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- What about your Lucy? - She's not a patch on you. You've got such a great pair of...
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Right. That's it, you. Home!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40All right, I'll see you later.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Take it easy.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47- Right, you can't drive.- I need the motor, I've got to be up at five! - You can stay at ours.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I'll drive you tomorrow. Cheers, mate!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53SMITHY LAUGHS
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- Get in here!- Pammy, Pammy!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- Get in the back! - Pammy, Pammy, Pammy, Pammy!
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Smithy's passed out on the sofa. I ain't moving him!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- I've got to be honest, I was really nervous about coming here.- Why?
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Well, I never even been to Bridgend on my own, let alone England.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16I didn't even know where Essex was!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18I'm not 100% now.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21- Does that make me stupid?- No.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25When we was in school, Smithy thought Spain was in China.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28And he's been there twice. That's stupid.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You're lush, you are.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Come here!
0:24:33 > 0:24:37KNOCK AT DOOR Just to say, your dad's out for the count
0:24:37 > 0:24:41and I'm putting my ear plugs in so let yourselves go.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Don't worry about a thing. Night.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I'm sorry I can't drive you back, it's bad enough at work as it is.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Don't be stupid, I know what it's like.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Can I see your ticket, please, sir?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05I'm just putting my girlfriend on the train.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- I can't let you through without a ticket. - I'm just carrying her bags.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Sir, I can't allow you onto the platform.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Oh, don't be so tight! - I'm not prepared to discuss this.
0:25:14 > 0:25:18Now could you please move to one side? You're holding up the other passengers.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Sorry, babe.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Look, I'll ring you tonight.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29No, ring me as soon as you get there.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34Right, that's enough. You are in breach of security regulations.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38- Nothing can be passed over the barrier.- It was a kiss!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Right. Well...see you, then.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Bye.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Thanks, mate. You're lovely(!)
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Gavin!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53I LOVE YOU!
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Oi!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Stacey!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Stacey!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Stace! Stace!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- Gav! What you doing?- Babe...
0:26:31 > 0:26:36I've gotta say something, and I know it might feel too soon or too rushed,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40but, for me, it feels absolutely right.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I love you so much.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Look, you coming to my house and...
0:26:45 > 0:26:48Oh, I dunno... It's just that...
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Stacey...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Will you...- Freeze!- What?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- Put your hands in the air! - Hang on a minute!- In the air!
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- What's in the box? - I can't really say.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07BOTH: What's in the box?!
0:27:07 > 0:27:10It's a ring, all right? Just a ring. I'm sorry.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I was going to... ask my girlfriend to marry me.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Will you? Will you marry me?
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- Yes!- Stay where you are! - Can I just get the ring?- No!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Oh, sod it.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- All right, boys. Get off me! - Gav! Look!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30It fits! It fits!
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Brilliant. Argh!
0:27:32 > 0:27:37# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you
0:27:42 > 0:27:46# I'll wait by the big house for you. #
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2007
0:27:48 > 0:27:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk