0:00:02 > 0:00:05- Sorry.- Forget it! You're the same as the rest of them.- I can explain.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08It's Gav - I think he's finished with me.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10- Don't want to talk to you. - I've got to go down there.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Gavin!
0:00:13 > 0:00:16I just don't want us to be apart ever!
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Come with me then.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22- What, now?- Yeah. Come and stay with me a couple of nights.- All right.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23- Stacey!- Oi!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Gav, what are you doing?
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Stacey...
0:00:28 > 0:00:29- Will you...?- Freeze!
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Put your hands in the air.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33What's in the box?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Just a ring, I'm sorry. I was going to...
0:00:35 > 0:00:38ask my girlfriend to marry me.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39Will ya?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Yes!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Gav, look - it fits, it fits.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Brilliant! Ow!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49So did you get arrested?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- So you're not ringing me from jail? - No!- Where then?- I'm in work!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55They just cautioned me.
0:00:55 > 0:01:00- I reckon a couple of them found it romantic.- I found it romantic.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03It was romantic, fiancee.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03SHE SQUEALS
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- Have you told your mum? - I'm telling her tonight.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Do you want me to be there when you do? I'll come down.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11It's probably best if I tell her on my own.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14She might be a bit shocked.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Oh, for the love of Christ!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Mum! Please don't be like this!
0:01:22 > 0:01:26ME?! Me be like this? Oh, that's it. I'm calling Bryn.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Mam!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- All right.- Have you heard about this?- Yeah.- And what do you think?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34At the end of the day, when all's said and done, I'm not going to judge.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38I been judged myself Gwen, both in and out of court and it's not nice.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41But that's life and if the truth be told I'm made up for her.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Ah, thanks, Ness. - SHE DIALS
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- Come on. It's Weakest Link.- Bryn?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47She's done it again.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I know. I know.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50All right.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54ANNE ROBINSON: '..for £20. Start the clock.'
0:01:55 > 0:01:58SHE WHISKS VIGOROUSLY
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- Where is she?- Oh, Bryn. - Where is she? Stacey?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- Stacey. Put that telly off now. - All right, Bryn?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07What do you think about all this?
0:02:07 > 0:02:09For your information, she's made up for me.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I thought everyone in my family would be when I told them I was getting married.
0:02:13 > 0:02:18And so we were, the FIRST time you got engaged.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22We loved Hywel, if you remember, we embraced him as one of our own!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I mean the second time even...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26We were still over the moon.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Kyle and his family treated us like royalty.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- The third time with, er, what's...?- Leighton.
0:02:31 > 0:02:37- Less said about him the better. - If he was chocolate he'd have eaten himself.- But number four...
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Oh, number four, eh?
0:02:39 > 0:02:44You couldn't meet a nicer bloke than Achmed. He'd walk over hot coals for you, my girl.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46He did once. For charity.
0:02:46 > 0:02:47I know. I remember.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50He was a lovely fella - salt of the earth.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52And this'll shock you... I miss him!
0:02:52 > 0:02:55I do. I can't tell a lie.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57He still sends a card at Christmas.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00They don't even celebrate it but that's by the by.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04- You didn't want him and we accepted it.- But none of them were like Gavin!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Excuse me! Number five...
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Clifford. He's very much like Gavin.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- ALL:- How?- Well, they're both cracking looking boys.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I hope that's where the similarity ends because I'm not driving you
0:03:15 > 0:03:19to Strangeways like your father did, God rest his soul.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I know I've made mistakes, all right?
0:03:21 > 0:03:24And I got five engagement rings upstairs to prove it.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27But in my heart I know that Gavin is the one for me.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- He's my soul mate.- ALL: You said that about Achmed! Kyle!
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Look. I am marrying him with or without your blessing.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I'd love to know what his parents have to say about all this.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40We've got to have a party!! Just a little soiree.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I been saying I wanted a party but we never had a reason!
0:03:43 > 0:03:44- Now we have!- Now we have!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Oh, come here my little prince.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Oh, I gotta phone Dawn and tell her.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Congratulations, son. And you're really sure about this?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- 1000%. - It's all a bit sudden, that's all.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56I know. But when you know, you know. Y'know?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58I do. I'm proud of yer, mate.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01I know! I know! Isn't it incredible? Listen, I'll call you back.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I gotta ring Sue.
0:04:03 > 0:04:09Right you! Get on the phone to your fiancee and invite her and all her family up this Saturday.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- We'll have a nice do.- Her family?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Yes, Gavin! We gotta start making bridges now.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- They can all stay.- Where?!
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Well, you'll have to get off your arse and get the Z-beds out the loft.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Party? London? Saturday?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26A party in London this Saturday?!
0:04:26 > 0:04:30- It's Essex.- Yeah, in my book that's tantamount to London.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Well, his parents want to meet you all. And you can stay over.
0:04:33 > 0:04:39- Oh, can I indeed? Is that a fact? - Gav... I'll have to call you back.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42..to stay in the house of a family I've never met before.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, thank you for informing me.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Gwen, have you ever heard such nonsense?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Well, it can't do any harm, can it? - You've changed your tune!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Well, what's the problem?
0:04:52 > 0:04:57We can drive up and you'll get a chance to try out your Sat Nav!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Oh!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Yeah...
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Now that is a thought.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Yes. Yes. Um, Stacey, please inform the Shipmans
0:05:07 > 0:05:12that I accept their offer and very much look forward to meeting them.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- You're coming, aren't you? - Can I smoke in the car?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Sorry, Nessa, no. But we will be making a scheduled stop
0:05:18 > 0:05:21at Leigh Delamare, possibly Heston but other than that,
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I suggest you invest in some patches or gum to get you through.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26All right. Count me in.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- Oh, Bryn.- Yes. - You've got something on your face.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Change this for tens, please.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I'm sorry, luv, but I gotta do this.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04It's no reflection on you but at the end of the day fraud's fraud
0:06:04 > 0:06:07and I don't know you from Adam. And he's been barred twice.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- All right, Ness? - Bear with me Stace, I'm working.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20As it goes, this one's fine and you look tidy. So be on you way.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36All right, Stace, what's occurring?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- I need your advice, I do.- Go for it.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Should I tell Gav about the other engagements?
0:06:42 > 0:06:46If I tell him it might wreck everything. It's not that big a deal, is it?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48That depends.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53This reminds me of a very similar situation I was in with my second husband Clive.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57I was faced with the dilemma whether to lie or not to lie.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- And I chose to tell the truth. - And what happened?
0:06:59 > 0:07:04He died. Firing squad. A terrible way to go, Stace, and I wouldn't like to see it happen to you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:11Smugglers we were. If it weren't for my relationship with John Prescott I'd still be in that jail right now.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15So yeah, in answer to your question I'd say no, don't tell him.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Oh, thanks, Ness.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Do you miss him? Clive?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23I do, yeah.
0:07:25 > 0:07:31But I don't miss walking through Customs with a belly full of crack filled condoms.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36Lucy, baby, listen - I'm just having a couple of drinks with Gav.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39He's called me up, he wants to talk.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I don't know! I know and I will.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I will LulaBellaMozzarella.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47I will! I love you too-oo.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50I doo-oo. I love you, I doo-oo.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52All right. I gotta go.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53OK. HE SMOOCHES
0:07:53 > 0:07:56I gotta go. MORE SMOOCHING
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Bye bye.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Who's that, wrong number?- No, Lucy.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03She needs some help with her woodwork. She's making a fruit bowl.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- Is that what I think it is? - Have a try.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15Oh, my God. Schloehoffen.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Is it beer of the week?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22How many memories does that bring back? I'm getting another.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- No hang on a minute.- I'll get a couple.- I need to talk to you.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27I get ya.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35- Is it Stacey?- Yeah.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- TOGETHER: Has she dumped you? - We've got engaged.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- You've got engaged?? - She's hasn't dumped me!
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- What?- What?- You're getting married!? - We're getting married! Yeah!
0:08:47 > 0:08:49HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:09:03 > 0:09:06And you didn't talk this through with me first?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Smithy, I don't...- It's all right.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11It's all clear now.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Take him out, buy him his favourite drink, he won't make a scene.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- I thought you'd be happy for me! - Huh!
0:09:20 > 0:09:25So is that it? Any more bombshells you want to drop before I go?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Finish your beer.- What, that?!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31That which held so many happy memories?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35See ya. Mate.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Mick?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Michael!
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Mick!!
0:09:55 > 0:09:56What now?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59What time is it?
0:09:59 > 0:10:00It's five to ten.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02That lemon roulade needs to come out of the freezer.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Of course, my love.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I know what you're doing, Michael.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Mornin'.- Stop where you are!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Are you wearing shoes?
0:10:11 > 0:10:16- No. I just got up.- There are no shoes to be worn anywhere in this house today. Do you understand?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Oh, and check your dad when he comes back.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Yeah, you just take it easy, Mum!
0:10:20 > 0:10:24- (You nervous?- Little bit.)
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I remember when I met all your dad's side... Shocking.
0:10:27 > 0:10:33- I walked in the pantry to find your auntie Christine giving your uncle John...- One lemon roulade!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Oh, thanks, luv.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36(I'll tell you later.)
0:10:38 > 0:10:40BRYN HUMS
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Mum, says have you got toothpaste?
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- Yes, and a flannel. - He's got it! Now come on!
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Did you check upstairs?- Yes! Now come on or we'll never get there.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Right. All belted up? Clunk click!
0:11:07 > 0:11:12Now, if I could ask you please to be quiet while I hand over to our navigator.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- SATNAV:- Continue to the end of the road and turn left.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Thank you very much.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Oh, for goodness sake Bryn we know the way to the M4.- Ssh!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Continue along this road for 0.4 miles.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Thank you very much.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Can we have some music on now, Uncle Bryn?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I'm sorry, Stace, I'm going to say no.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Just in case I need to receive any further instructions.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59SHE INHALES DEEPLY
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Oh, my Christ!
0:12:06 > 0:12:11- Gavin, please tell me none of them are vegetarians. - No, I don't think so.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Mick!- Yes, my love. - Get down to Tescos now!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I need veggie burgers, corn on the cobs,
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- anything with Linda McCartney written on it.- I'm sure they're not.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Are you, Gavin? 100% hand on heart?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Well, no...- Exactly! Mick! Go!
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- I'll ring 'em and find out.- How stupid will that make me look?
0:12:29 > 0:12:34When those poor vegetarians realise I wasn't thinking about them when I was planning my menu.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I was thinking about slaughtering animals and wrapping them in pastry.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39- That's what they'll think.- Mum...
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Mick! What are you still doing here?
0:12:43 > 0:12:48- Take the next right followed by the second left.- Thank you very much.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50At the roundabout,
0:12:50 > 0:12:54take the third exit signposted towards Billericay.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Oh, heck.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04- So it's left here...- Yes.- ..and then right at the lights.- That's it. - Thank you very much.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13We should have just used a map. God knows you got plenty of 'em.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's never let me down before, Gwen.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18You've never used it outside of Barry before.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20You knows your way round Barry so it's pointless.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Oh, Bryn, am I all right to smoke now?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31They're here! Mum!
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- You are joking me!- No, come on!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Where the hell is your father? 40 minutes he's been gone!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Well, it is a Saturday.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I don't care if it's Christmas sodding Eve.
0:13:46 > 0:13:51Hello! Welcome! Welcome!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Come in.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57I'm Pam...
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Pamela! You all know Gavin.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05Unfortunately my husband Mick has been called into the office.
0:14:05 > 0:14:13Apparently all the computers have been shut down and only he knows how to... Anyway, enough about him.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- You must be, Nessa? - All right, Pam?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18And that makes you Gwen. Oooh!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Mother of the bride!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23And you must be Uncle Brine. Brian.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Bryn.- Bryn.- It means "hill" in Welsh.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Does it really?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Do you know, I have no idea what my name means in Welsh.- Why.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Cos I don't speak the lingo, darlin'!
0:14:34 > 0:14:37No. In Welsh, "pam" means "why".
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Or "brick".
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Oh, sorry!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44There he is.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Here he is! The worker!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49How was everything at the office?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53We just had a burst pipe.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Where do you want this food, luv?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Those? Erm... Give 'em here, give 'em here.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Oh, by the way...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14this food isn't food food.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Oh, God no, everyone's catered for.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I catered for everyone well in advance.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22No, it's just that this morning before you arrived I became a vegetarian.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Yeah, veggie. So that's what this is.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Out of interest, are any of you vegetarians?
0:15:29 > 0:15:33I mean, not that it makes a difference to me either way. We're all adults.
0:15:33 > 0:15:38- Pam?- But I would ask you to respect my views and all the little animals
0:15:38 > 0:15:41who've been needlessly murdered in the name of western civilised greed.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45Pam! Look I'm sure all our guests could do with a sit-down.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49So why don't you all go through and, Gavin, you get everybody's bags
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- and your mum and I will get the drinks. All right?- Right, excellent, thank you, Gavin.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Oh! Oh my God!
0:15:57 > 0:15:58What is wrong with you?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I fell apart. I've fallen apart, Mick.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I was so nervous I can't even remember what I just said.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- You said you were a vegetarian.- Yes! I remember that bit!- OK, calm down!
0:16:07 > 0:16:10It's just you weren't here and you always do the greeting!
0:16:10 > 0:16:16- I get the drinks and you introduce. It's been like that for 26 years. - OK. Look at me.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Now you take some deep breaths all right.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23That's it. And calm.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Now we're going to go back in there and have a lovely evening with some lovely people.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- And the only thing you have to remember is you don't...- ..eat meat.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Oh, Stace, I tell you what you could do a lot worse.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- No word of a lie, when they dies you'll be loaded.- Nessa!
0:16:43 > 0:16:46She got a point, Gwen. I mean let's face it.
0:16:46 > 0:16:51When Trefor died God, rest his soul, he left you a penniless widow.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54You don't want to see Stace go down that same terrible route, do you?
0:16:54 > 0:16:59I can't believe this! I'm not even married yet and already you're talking about my in-laws dying!
0:16:59 > 0:17:01You got to think about these things.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I mean, had you ended up with Leighton, right,
0:17:03 > 0:17:07you'd have been livin' on the bread line because his family had nothin'.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Hywel's lot, well, they weren't much better off.
0:17:10 > 0:17:15At least with Achmed you felt there was a bit put by. But that's in their culture, see?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Bryn! We're not to mention the other engagements. Stace will tell him when she's ready.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I don't want to upset him.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Nor the family. You gotta think about the inheritance.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Look! They're just ordinary people. They're not mega rich nor nuthin'.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Champagne everyone!
0:17:28 > 0:17:33- Who's for champagne?- Here you go, Stacey, here you are. Gwen.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Nessa! You'll have to go outside, I'm afraid.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39No worries. I still got these.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Here you go, Nessa.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45So a toast! To the happy couple!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Gavin and Stacey! - ALL: Gavin and Stacey!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Congratulations!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54PARTY MUSIC BLARES
0:17:58 > 0:18:00It's going all right, isn't it?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Yeah! Everyone's getting on brilliant.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- We'll have to tell them tonight, you know.- I know.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I know.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10DOORBELL RINGS
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Gav-lar.- Smith-ster.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Sorry, mate. It just knocked me for six.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- No, I thought you handled it really well.- Seriously?
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Yeah.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- What?- Come on.- No!- Come on.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40- No. Don't want to.- Right. Forget it. See you later.- OK! Quickly.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44- BOTH: Make friends, make friends... SMITHY: Do it properly or not at all. - Yeah, all right!- Yeah?- OK.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47BOTH: Make friends, make friends' Never never break friends.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51If you do I'll flush you down the loo and that will be the end of you. Snooker Loopy!
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Is that a Smithy I can hear? - It certainly is Michael!!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Did you come alone?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I certainly did not! If you're referring to this little lady!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Right, get her in here. Bryn! Wait till you taste this home brew.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05This is my best mate Smithy.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- Hello, mate. How are ya? - Smithy, nice to meet you.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Bryn. That's Welsh for hill, right?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Yeah.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14So what it is, right, like a corset by here
0:19:14 > 0:19:17but then it goes out with like a train going from my head, by here,
0:19:17 > 0:19:21all the way down and then it trails behind me for about five metres.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25And then I'll have like a hoop on my wrist so I can hold it when we do the first dance.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- Oh, like a princess. - That is cracking.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30And then for my flowers I want the same as the bridesmaids.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32I'm going to have six bridesmaids.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Six?- Yeah! Nessa Maid of Honour.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- Nice one.- Cheryl, Cheryl's two little girls, my cousin Zoe and Nessa's old step daughter Collette,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43then page boys... What's the matter?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Oh, nothing, luv. Go on. - No, what is it?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Come on, Gwen? What's your beef?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Or Tofu, sorry, Pam.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50S'all right, my luv.
0:19:50 > 0:19:55It sounds so lovely and I don't want to put a dampener on anything, but how are we going to afford all this?
0:19:55 > 0:20:01- Gwen, listen.- No, Pam. I know what you're going to say but we don't want charity.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04It's not charity! You are not a charity!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I'm not offering you my hand me downs, Gwen. Listen...
0:20:06 > 0:20:10My husband has promised me a decent holiday for the last three years.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Have I had one? Have I buggery.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13It's payback time.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Mick will pay for everything.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19- End of.- Oh, thanks Pam! That is so kind.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- Fair play.- That's very generous of you but...
0:20:23 > 0:20:27No buts, Gwen. Give me your hand. Stacey? Nessa, join.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Now...
0:20:29 > 0:20:33We are going to have the best wedding day since Prince Charles
0:20:33 > 0:20:36married the love of his life... Camilla Parker Bowles.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39- Hugs!- Oooh.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42That's strong, isn't it?
0:20:42 > 0:20:46- Yeah, you don't want too much of it. What percent is it again?- 19.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Ooh! I like it!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52And the funny thing is it's not my usual tipple.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Normally I like a Cinzano.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Cinzano... I love your accent, Bryn!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01It's so much better than Stacey's. Say something else! Go on.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04All right, bear with me.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09I got it. "I'm going down the Arms Park for half a dark!"
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Now say something in Welsh, you know, IN Welsh.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Well, that's the thing see. I can't.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- How do you mean? - I cannot speak the Welsh language.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21It's a constant source of embarrassment to me but Welsh is not my mother tongue.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26Why is that, Bryn? Every time I've been down there it seems that none of you can speak it.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29You spend all that money on them signs and none of you can read them!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34I know of just one man in Barry that speaks Welsh.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Dick Powell. Got a daughter Carol.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I don't know what's become of her. I bumped into him in the butchers.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I was buying scrag ends, he was buying chump. I said, "Dick!"
0:21:42 > 0:21:48- He turned to me. I said, "Why, why is it you always speak in Welsh?" - And what did he say?
0:21:48 > 0:21:51I don't know! I couldn't understand his reply.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Well, I can honestly say, I have no interest in learning any other languages apart from my own.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- I'm more than happy with English. - And you can't even speak that!
0:22:00 > 0:22:03All right, Smithy?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12What's she doing here?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- I thought you knew. - I was going to bring Lucy!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Well, don't sleep with other women when you've got a girlfriend.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20No risk of me doin' her again.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24- What's gone on there then, Smith? - What?! That?! Leave it out.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Rydw i'n hoffi coffi.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30- Eh?- It's Welsh. I knew I knew it. Only thing I can remember.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32It either means...
0:22:32 > 0:22:37I WANT a coffee or I LIKE a coffee.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Do you want a coffee?
0:22:39 > 0:22:40No, I'll stick to this.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Grab a plate everyone, help yourselves.
0:22:48 > 0:22:54See, my eldest, Jason, he don't live with us no more, now he says exactly the same thing.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- And he's left handed. - And how old is Jason?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58He'll be 28 in March. See?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Funny that, isn't it?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- No, you're all right. Take it. - No, you take it.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- I don't want it.- Take it.- It's fine. - I thought you liked taking it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Right, that's out of order. I've got a girlfriend, all right?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Oh, get a life, Smithy.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17This is a cracking spread.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Thanks, Gwen.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Just tuck in everyone, don't hold back.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Mick, if you're going to gnaw on the legs of helpless animals
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- please have the decency not to do it under my nose. - (Are you for real?)
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Please. Just respect my views.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34As a vegetarian.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- PING! - Oh! That'll be my nut roast.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43MUSIC: "Sex Bomb" by Tom Jones
0:23:49 > 0:23:52I get 187 a week.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Bit of fiddlin', I get that up to 200.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58I thought to myself I'm going to buy a Picasso. Citroen.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01People told me, get second hand, don't buy new.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04I said, "Why, I'm going to drive that car till the day I die.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05"I don't have to worry about depreciation."
0:24:05 > 0:24:10Three year warranty or 60,000 miles, whichever comes first.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13If I do 60,000 miles I will be a walking miracle.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Do you drive, Nessa?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19I don't, Mick. Which is a shame cos I loves a good ride.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Right everyone. Could I have your attention?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24- MICK:- Speech! Speech!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27First of all, we've had a great night tonight, it's been blindin'.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30But we thought we ought to tell you all that...
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Oh, my God, you're pregnant!- No.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36We've set a date.
0:24:36 > 0:24:42We want to get married on the April 6th, which would have been Dad's 50th birthday.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Oh, that's lovely that is, Stace. He'd have been so proud.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51Is that April 6th next year or the April 6th as in only eight weeks from now?
0:24:51 > 0:24:52As in eight weeks.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I need a fag.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It's not ideal but it's do-able.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Mick, you're going to have to call in a favour at the golf club tomorrow.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05I'll ring up those lovely caterers that Dawn had for her mother's funeral. That was a smashin' day.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- Now, as for the church.- Mum.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10We're getting married in Wales.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14- What?- We're getting married in Barry.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16- I don't think so.- We are, Mum. - Why?
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- Oh, no you're not. Mick, tell him. - Look, let's talk about this tomorrow.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- What's the matter with Barry? - BARRY ISLAND?!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Where you going to have the wedding reception - on the log flumes?
0:25:27 > 0:25:32- We don't live on the actual Island! - What's on the menu - hot dogs and candy floss?
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- What?!- All served up by a gyppo on a donkey?- I beg your pardon?!
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Oh, don't worry about the honeymoon. Just go to Butlins!
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Come on, Pam! Sssshhh. If that's what they want, that's what we'll do.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I'm going for a smoke.
0:25:45 > 0:25:52Michael, I am NOT traipsing the best side of my family all the way down to Wales to see my son,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56my only son, get married in some dirty fairground!
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Well, I don't want my daughter getting married in Essex!
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- What's she going to wear - a mini skirt and white stilettos? - Mum! Don't be so rude!
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- Calm down!- You just keep out of this.- Me, rude?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Pam, it is tradition for the bride to be married in her home town.
0:26:09 > 0:26:14- It's also tradition for the bride's family to pay for the wedding!- How do you mean?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- You are paying for the lot! - Since when?- You never said.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- Oh, charming! So he didn't even know! - Your mum that offered.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- Stop stirring!- I don't mind, I just wish someone'd told me!- She's a widow in case you hadn't noticed.
0:26:24 > 0:26:29- Your wife gave us a false impression. - My dad's not loaded!- Give it a rest, you leek munching sheep shagger!
0:26:29 > 0:26:31BRYN: Look at yourselves!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Will you just look at yourselves?!
0:26:36 > 0:26:42We live in a cynical world, a cynical, cynical world.
0:26:42 > 0:26:51And tonight we have the chance to build a wonderful family that spreads across two nations.
0:26:51 > 0:26:58And all that matters is that those two families are joined by these two young people.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Who cares where they get married?
0:27:01 > 0:27:05What matters is they are getting married. And all the rest...
0:27:05 > 0:27:09The golf clubs, the dresses, the cars, the moneys - it don't mean diddly.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13All that matters is that on the April 6th,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Gavin and Stacey...
0:27:15 > 0:27:19commit the rest of their lives to each other.
0:27:19 > 0:27:24And I for one will be proud to be there when they do.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Wherever it is.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Me too. - Me too.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34- And me. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.- It's fine.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- I think it's the menopause. - I think it's the gin.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44All right?
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Nessa! Your back's covered in mud!
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I know. I fell over.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52SMITHY TEXTS
0:28:01 > 0:28:02What?
0:28:06 > 0:28:08I fell over.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd