0:00:02 > 0:00:03- Will you marry me?- Yes!
0:00:03 > 0:00:05Bryn, she's done it again!
0:00:05 > 0:00:10I know I've made mistakes, all right? I've got five engagement rings upstairs to prove it.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Get on the phone to your fiancee.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Invite her and all her family up this Saturday.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16We'll have a nice do!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19Nessa, your back's covered in mud.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21I know. I fell over.
0:00:27 > 0:00:28Fell over.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Of course they did!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Nessa told me they did!
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I know they did. Smithy maintains he fell over.
0:00:36 > 0:00:41- So what time d'you think you'll be here tomorrow?- Dad wants to leave by nine so I reckon about midday.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Try not to be later cos it starts at ten and the good dresses will be gone.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48How do you know? Been to a lot of wedding fairs?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Never been to one before. Never in my life. Never ever. All right?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53All right. Calm down.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57Look, I've got to go. I'll call you tonight. Love you.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58Er...Gavin? Um...
0:00:58 > 0:01:00ICB still owe us £400?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- Really?- Yeah.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- That's kind of the reason I phoned.- OK.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- I'll chase it up. - Get your arse in gear.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11- It's been five weeks. My boss thinks I'm doing you favours.- Sexual favours!
0:01:11 > 0:01:16Actually, the last four payments from ICB have all been late. Bit embarrassing, really.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- OK, chill out!- You said we have to stay professional!
0:01:19 > 0:01:23Very well. Thank you for bringing the matter to my attention, Miss West.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25I shall deal with it immediately.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28I appreciate your co-operation, Mr Shipman. Goodbye.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39PHONE RINGS
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- I love you!- (Love you too.)
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Smithy?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02MUSIC FROM INSIDE
0:02:12 > 0:02:13PHONE RINGS
0:02:26 > 0:02:27Hello?
0:02:27 > 0:02:28What you doin'?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Doing that bathroom. Abbots Rd.- How's it going?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Yeah, yeah, good. Just started tiling.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37SMITHY!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Oh, God!
0:02:39 > 0:02:42What you doing here? On your lunch?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44It's six o'clock.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47What?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Shit!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54I only shut my eyes for ten minutes. That was at half-twelve!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56This is a nightmare! I should have this finished by five!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Her niece and nephew are staying for the weekend.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03- Right. You got to help me. Start tiling.- I can't.- Just slap 'em on.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08- No need to be perfect. She's partially sighted.- I got to talk to you.- No time.- It's serious.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- We're going to have to talk and tile.- OK.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- So, what is it? A problem down there? - Eh?- The prostate.- No!
0:03:17 > 0:03:23You can tell me. Look, honestly, you can tell me anything. I'll shut up. Go on.
0:03:23 > 0:03:28Look. Me, you, Gary and Simon, we've been mates since first-year infants, right?
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Class of '83. Miss Hatfield.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- Happy days.- Yeah.
0:03:31 > 0:03:36Anyway, we've all been through a lot together and as much as I think Gary and Simon are great,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39I always think of you as my best friend.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46And that's why when I get married in six weeks' time, I want you standing there next to me...
0:03:46 > 0:03:47as my best man.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Hey, come on. It's supposed to be good news!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06That a yes, then?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I won't let you down, all right?
0:04:15 > 0:04:19I'll get you to the church on time. I'll have the rings all ready.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I'll do a blindin' speech, right?
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Look at me.
0:04:24 > 0:04:30But most of all, I am going to give you the BEST stag since Chinese Alan got married in '99.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31I know you will.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44- I'd better go.- Why? - Cos there's a really angry woman standing in the doorway.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Mrs Henry.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54You're probably wondering why I'm crying.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And why your bathroom isn't finished.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- This is Gavin.- Hi.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02He's my oldest and dearest friend.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05And he's just given me some devastating news.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Regarding his prostate.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Maybe that sort of thing.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27Yeah, maybe.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30What's the matter?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Nothin'.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Come on. Ness?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- I won't lie to you, this don't sit well with me.- What don't?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Look. Are you sure you want me to be your Maid of Honour?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47What you on about? Course I do!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It's just...
0:05:50 > 0:05:54Well, 'member when Cara got married and you and me were bridesmaids.
0:05:54 > 0:06:00And we walked down the aisle and you went first and everyone was turnin' and smilin'.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03and you looked really crackin'.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Proper stunning like.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09And then I walks down, and I could see in people's eyes,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12they were takin' the piss. Laughin' like.
0:06:12 > 0:06:13And not just cos I fell over.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16But because I didn't look right.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19In fact, if truth be told, I looked wrong.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22And I just think...
0:06:22 > 0:06:26- you need someone who looks more like a bridesmaid.- Like who?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I dunno. Someone like Cat Deeley.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- But I don't know Cat Deeley! - Kate Thornton, or that Leanne.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Leanne who? - Battersby. From Corrie.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36No! Look...
0:06:38 > 0:06:40..even if I did know those people,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'd never choose them over you.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47You're my best friend, Nessa,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50and I want you stood beside me on my wedding day.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Cos without you there, I don't think I could go through with it.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- Cheers.- Now let's have a look at your 'tache.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06No.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08It's going to be a while yet.
0:07:14 > 0:07:20It's ten past nine! This wedding fair starts in an hour and we're not even in the right country.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24We haven't even left yet. I know. He's not even here. I don't know where he is.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Well, if worst comes to worst, we'll have to meet you there.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Yeah. OK. See ya.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Mick? You want your own towel or are you happy to share mine?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I would like my own but, frankly,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39I'll share your underwear if it'll get you in the car any quicker.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41It's eleven minutes past nine!
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- Smithy ain't here. Why are you getting on at us?- I'm ringing him.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46It'll go to voicemail.
0:07:46 > 0:07:51- I've already tried him.- Smithy, you lump of lard, if you're not here in two minutes, we'll go.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Mick, sign this card for Gwen.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- What card?- It's to say thanks for having us.- "To a special friend"! You've only met her once.
0:07:57 > 0:08:02She's family! Ooh! You and me are going to fall out today!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- CAR DRAWS UP - Here he is! Where have you been?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Sorry, Mick. I got to jump in the shower.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, you're not! We don't have time.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- I been tiling since five.- You finished that job?- Yeah, eventually.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- She's not as partially-sighted as I thought!- Hi, Smithy! - All right? I need to wash.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19We haven't got the time, darlin'!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I got to get changed. I ain't going like this!
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Fine!
0:08:25 > 0:08:27GAVIN SINGS STRIPTEASE MUSIC
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Oh, for the love of Mike!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Seen anything you like there, Pammy, eh?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Oh, stop it! Get in that car, for goodness sake.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- All right, give me a minute, crikey. - Come on.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41All right, Michael. Go, go, go.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Thing is, Gwen, at the end of the day, I don't really think I'm the marryin' kind.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- There's someone out there for everyone.- You say that.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55I went round the world three times when I was workin' the ships, met all manner of men.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00There was only Paulo, young lad from Peru, I ever thought could've been the one for me.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I often wonder what he's doing now.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07I thought I saw him once, down Barry magistrates.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I didn't.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10It weren't him.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Only me!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15The shopper! Mr Moneybags. ..Hiya, Nessa.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18- Bryn.- Cup of tea?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I'd love one. But I'm desperate for the loo first.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Hang on a minute!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I must have walked into the wrong house.
0:09:30 > 0:09:35Cos I can see a young girl who looks very much like my niece except she's doing housework.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Which I know for a fact my niece is allergic to.
0:09:39 > 0:09:44- Hello, I'm Bryn.- Hiya. You are comin' to this weddin' fair, aren't you?
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I can't wait!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I was so excited last night.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I didn't get to sleep till half-past ten!
0:09:53 > 0:09:56- Something beginning with "R".- Road.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Oh! How d'you always get it so quick?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00All right, I got a better game.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- Not "Cruise Marry Shag".- You cannot play that with my parents.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Ignore him. What are the rules?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Right. Mick, you can go first.- All right. Go on.- Oh, for goodness sake!
0:10:10 > 0:10:11I'll give you three people.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14One of them you have to marry and have kids with
0:10:14 > 0:10:18and a dog and a family estate car and all that, you know, forever,
0:10:18 > 0:10:22one you go on a cruise ship around the world spending every minute of every day with them
0:10:22 > 0:10:24but you DO NOT have to sleep with them.
0:10:24 > 0:10:30- I knew it was going to be blue! - And the other one you have to have a long, hard, brutal...
0:10:30 > 0:10:34No! It does not have to be brutal or long or hard.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- You just have to, you know...- Shag 'em.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Right, OK, Michael. Here are your three.
0:10:40 > 0:10:45- OK, Sharon Osbourne.- Ooh! You quite like her!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Erm...- Don't look at me!
0:10:48 > 0:10:53Sharon Osbourne, Anne Robinson and...
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- That little Jimmy Krankie! - Yeah, that's the spirit!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh, I dunno, um....
0:11:02 > 0:11:05I'd go round the world with, er...
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Oh, it's so difficult.
0:11:07 > 0:11:12- Right. I'd have to go round the world with Bernard Manning. - Good call. Think of the jokes!
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Bernard Manning?!
0:11:13 > 0:11:16- I'd marry Loyd Grossman cos I like his sauces?- I'd do the same!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19His voice would do my head in.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21That leaves the one-night-stand with...
0:11:21 > 0:11:25- ALL: Frank Bruno.- Yes. - HE IMITATES FRANK BRUNO
0:11:25 > 0:11:28I'd be more than happy to do it with Frank Bruno.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Quicker you say it, quicker it'll be over. Go on.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41So I'd have to shag Pauline Fowler, wouldn't I? Can we stop now?
0:11:58 > 0:12:02MUSIC: "Suddenly" by KT Tunstall
0:12:14 > 0:12:16This is my idea of heaven!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Right, everyone.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25There are just six weeks till we get married.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30If we're smart, we can get the majority of the stuff we need today. It's all in this room.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32We just got to find it.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Follow me, ladies. Good luck, boys.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40What a girl!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42MUSIC: "Suddenly" by KT Tunstall
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Will your boy be coming to the wedding? What's his name again?
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Jason? Yes, he's coming over. He lives in Spain, he does.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Is he married?- No. He's gay.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Really?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34D'you know...
0:13:34 > 0:13:40I said to Mick if we'd have had another son, I'd have loved him to be a homosexual.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44You know, for fashion advice and emotional support.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Jason's good as gold like that.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48I miss him terribly, I do.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- He lights up a room.- Aww.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Like a little Will Young.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Right. You ready?
0:14:05 > 0:14:06I know it's white, right?
0:14:06 > 0:14:10But who can honestly say, hand on heart, they're a virgin these days?
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Fascinating.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Absolutely fascinating!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17You like that?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Try this.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Pick a card.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Okey-dokey.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Look at it.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Remember it.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Put it back.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Is that your card?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Yes!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I want to say no, I really do.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53But it IS my card. ..Mick!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Mick?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Oh, he'd love this.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59What the heck.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Are you free on the 6th of April?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Can I book you?- Yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Wonderful!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10What other tricks can you do?
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Look at the interior on that, Dad.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18They don't make cars like this any more.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24- You'd look the business in it. - No. I can't. She wants a horse and carriage.- Why?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27- I've never seen the appeal myself. - Me neither.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Well, why do it, then?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31I mean, who wants to see a horse havin' a crap outside the church
0:15:31 > 0:15:34when you're stood there in all your finery?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36But she's got her heart set on it.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Well, what would you prefer?
0:15:39 > 0:15:44- I want to go in the Bentley, obviously.- So just tell her they've run out of horses.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48- But...- Listen. I lie to your mother on average seven times a day.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50They're not just little white lies either.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Some of them are pr-etty, pr-etty black.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57No, Pam. I'm getting this.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh, let's not start all that again.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03You and Mick are footing the bill. I can never thank you enough for that.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05But please...let me buy my daughter's dress.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09I understand. I'll put my purse away.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13Oh! Pam! You're still payin' for my dress, though, right?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I can saw the bride in half.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20I can saw the groom in half.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I can saw the best man in half.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Will you saw me in half?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- What relationship are you? - I'm the bride's uncle!- No.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31But! Hang on. Her father...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34my brother...is dead, y'see?
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Oh, right. Well, that does change things.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42You're in Stag City now.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44This one's on me. Lager.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47- Cheers.- I like drinking lager.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- My name's Chris but you can call me Jammy.- Smithy.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Like it, I like that name a lot.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57- Groom or best man?- Best man.- Right.
0:16:57 > 0:17:02First things first. Well done. It takes a lot of guts for a guy like you to come to a wedding fair.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06But you found us and this is where our journey begins.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09You love your mate more than life itself?
0:17:09 > 0:17:14You want to give him the best send-off you can before he ruins the rest of his life. Am I right?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- Yeah.- I'm right, yeah?- Yeah. - I thought I was right.- Yeah. - I'm right.- Yeah.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20High five. You know what? Forget that!
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Big tens.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I know what you want.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29I know what you want better than you do.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Nutter? Lights.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Nutter. He's a right nutter.
0:17:37 > 0:17:42One word. Two words.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44One more word. Nutter?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Lights.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Right. Any questions?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58No.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03Now the last two times you were getting married, I remember you wanted something like this.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- Is that still the case?- Yeah.
0:18:05 > 0:18:09But, um, if you sees him, like, my fiance, don't mention about the others
0:18:09 > 0:18:12cos he don't know and I think it's better not to tell him.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Mum's the word.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Oh, luv.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20I'll take all of this, all right? But I don't need another whip.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Oh, Ness.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26- You look fabulous. - I know, I feels it.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30I am bushed!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Whacked. I am absolutely whacked.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Come on, you lot! I'm all wedding-ed out.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Mum, see what I got. - What is it?- I'm not showing you!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Right, so we start in Amsterdam. bit of that...
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Third day, travel to Prague, some of that.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Four days later we start the flight home. But... This is the best bit!
0:18:47 > 0:18:53We do a tandem parachute jump landing in a beer refinery in Hamburg. £700 including the lap-dance limo.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58- I'm getting married in six weeks. I can't go away for nine days! - I thought you'd say that.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00The six-day option, miss out Amsterdam.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02No! Six days is still too long!
0:19:02 > 0:19:07- Yeah, but Jammy says.- Who's Jammy? - He's the guy who's organising the stag! He's coming too!
0:19:07 > 0:19:13- Who's paying for him?- We are!! He knows Prague better than anyone. He's slept with over 48 prostitutes!
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- Lovely! Invite him to the wedding. - You serious?
0:19:16 > 0:19:19NO! It's a night-out in town and that's it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:25Russell Hobbs kettle and toaster combi. Put one of them down.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28We have always had Russell Hobbs. You can't go wrong with him.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- And that Brabantia bin is £55. Is that too much?- Mm, maybe.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33If no-one gets it, no-one gets it!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35I already knows what I'm gettin' you.
0:19:35 > 0:19:42- What?- A tattoo. I'm havin' your name and Gav's all down one arm in Arabic.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Smithy, here we are. Why don't you sit here?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52No, I'm going to phone the missus.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Everyone OK with chilli?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Oh, yes, yes.- Yes, yes, thank you, Gwen.- Don't worry, Pam.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00I've done you a lovely cauliflower cheese.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04Only I haven't put no cheese in it cos I wasn't sure if you ate dairy or not.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07So it's basically cauliflower. With a bit of onion.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, thanks, Gwen! Isn't that lovely, Pam?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Gwen's catered to your vegetarian needs so well!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Yes! Of course, but what you won't know, Gwen,
0:20:17 > 0:20:22is that Mick has also turned vegetarian now. In order to support me.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23- No, I haven't.- You have!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26No, I haven't. I have no idea what you're talking about.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I'm going to be eating Gwen's delicious chilli.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33She's at Venture Scouts.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38- Can we get a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine £19.99?- Go on, then.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I got one of those! I grill everything!
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Lean Mean Bryn they should call me.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47Right. It's all out on the table, so help yourselves to rice and whatnot.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh, thanks, Gwen.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- (You have to smuggle me some meat.) - How?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Put it in your pocket.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Chilli con carne? Are you insane?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02No! I'm hungry!
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Mmm. Smells lovely, Gwen!
0:21:18 > 0:21:19TOILET FLUSHES
0:21:32 > 0:21:34All right?
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Yeah.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Look. About the other week...
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Oh, sorry, guys. Took a bit longer than I thought.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57Why? We never had to go. We turned up. I gave him 20 quid. We did the deed and got out of there.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Oh, how romantic(!)
0:21:59 > 0:22:02- I think you might be very pleasantly surprised.- It's a joke.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- An absolute joke.- Gavin!
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- What?- Now let's not start arguing! - What's going on?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Well, I ain't telling him. - Tell me what.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Nothin' to do with me! I'm on his side. You can tell him.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25We have to go to church tomorrow.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- The place where we're getting married. We got to get the banns read.- So?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32I said we'd all go.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- So?- Including you.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37What?!
0:22:39 > 0:22:47# When I tread the verge of Jordan Bid my anxious fears subside
0:22:47 > 0:22:52# Death of death And hell's destruction
0:22:52 > 0:22:57# Land me safe on Canaan's side
0:22:57 > 0:23:03# Songs of praises, songs of praises
0:23:03 > 0:23:10- # I will ever give to thee - Give to thee
0:23:10 > 0:23:16# I will ever give to thee! #
0:23:20 > 0:23:23What a lovely hymn that was!
0:23:23 > 0:23:24And I tell you what,
0:23:24 > 0:23:26if Simon Cowell was here today,
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I'm sure he'd be signing a lot of you guys up for the Pop Factor.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Right.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Who here likes sandwiches?
0:23:38 > 0:23:43I know I do. I love sandwiches. For lunch, or an afternoon snack.
0:23:43 > 0:23:49You've got your bread, and a bit of butter or maybe mayonnaise
0:23:49 > 0:23:51and then you've got your filling.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56And in a way, that's a bit like God.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01Because we've all got a different relationship with God,
0:24:01 > 0:24:05just like we've all got a different relationship with sandwiches.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10For instance, my favourite sandwich is ham and egg!
0:24:10 > 0:24:15And I got to thinking, "I wonder what my congregation's favourite sandwich is?" Doris?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Stand up and tell us your favourite sandwich.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22I likes a tuna, Father Chris!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- I won't lie to you. - Tuna!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Dick! Dick Powell. How about you?
0:24:30 > 0:24:37HE SPEAKS WELSH
0:24:37 > 0:24:43Right, that's, er, that's chicken and Glamorgan sausage.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- Yeah. - Odd choice.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47But it's your choice.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Bryn! How about you?
0:24:51 > 0:24:56I know it's boring, but I just like cheese! There it is!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Thanks, Bryn.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Now, Bryn is here today with some visitors,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05some very important visitors from London, because Stacey West,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Gwen's daughter... Stand up for us, Stacey.
0:25:08 > 0:25:14In six weeks' time, here in St Nicholas's, is marrying a certain Mr Gavin Shipman. Come on, Gavin.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Stand up for us.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21You're right, Bryn, he is a smashing-looking lad.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27The happy couple!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Oh, stay on your feet, Gavin.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Don't sit down.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38Out of interest, what does a young London boy like between his bread?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- What?- In your sandwich?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42I dunno.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Oh, you must know! Come on.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48What's your favourite sandwich?
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Er...tuna?- But we've had tuna.
0:25:52 > 0:25:57- Something else!- Just say anything! - But why can't I have tuna as well?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59- Don't look at her. - I really can't think!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- Jesus! How hard is it? - I just don't see the point!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05You don't see the point!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I'll tell you the point, you jumped-up little...
0:26:08 > 0:26:12The point is that the bread is the Holy Spirit,
0:26:12 > 0:26:15the mayonnaise/butter is the Father, and the filling is the Son!
0:26:15 > 0:26:20We all like different fillings but ultimately the bread remains a constant just like God!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22But forget it! You've ruined it!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24NOW SIT DOWN!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Stupid Cockneys. Right. Let us pray!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Our Father!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Well, that was eventful.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Is he often like that?
0:26:37 > 0:26:41He's good as gold, normally. When he mixes with people, he can't cope,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43which is a shame for a man of the cloth.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45All the best, Bryn.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48See you, my darling. Gwen. Nessa.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- Lovely to see you.- Take it easy.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Give them a wave now. That's it.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Oh, I miss him so much.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- Right. You coming back? - No, I'm going home.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16You never go home. What's up?
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Oh, Stace.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I think I'm in a right mess.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23- What d'you mean?- I'm late, aren't I?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24What, "late" late?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- Four days.- Are you sure?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31You know me, regular as clockwork. Every fourth Wednesday since I was nine.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- What does Dave say? - It's not Dave's.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Not that Daniel Owen's?!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- No! He's been done. - So is it Leggo's?- Look.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44It's not Leggo's, it's not Daniel's, it's not Dave's, it's not the bloke from the key cutters.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45So whose is it, then?
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Easy, easy. I'd go round the world with Michelle McManus,
0:27:54 > 0:27:58I'd marry Sonia from EastEnders and I'd have a right good go on Julie Goodyear!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd