0:00:01 > 0:00:03- Gavin, welcome to Cardiff! - Good to see you again.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06He's changed! He's gone and I'm here, bereft.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Not this again, you two.
0:00:08 > 0:00:12He is struggling to come to terms with the loss of Gavin.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Dad, this is my friend Dave.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15- Well, fiance. - That's what I said.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17You're going ahead with it, then. The engagement.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Yeah, I just said.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21No, you didn't.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22Yeah, I am, all right?
0:00:22 > 0:00:25He's so lush, inne? Neil the baby.
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Yeah, he is.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- Gav... - Yeah, let's go for it.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Seriously? - Let's give it a try.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58(PHONE RINGS)
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Hiya.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Gav! What are you playin' at? - What?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04You left this morning without having sex with me.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Yeah, I had to go to work. You were asleep.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Gav! We have to have sex twice a day!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11The one in the morning doesn't have to be anything special.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14You can just get on with it. Even if I'm asleep, I won't mind.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18In the night, then, we'll do it properly with candles and masks and stuff.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Masks? - Yeah, y'know, that kind of thing...
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Masks?!
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Look, you know what I mean.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25But it's the only way I'm gonna get pregnant, doin' it that much, OK?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26OK.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- And you won't complain? - I guarantee there will be no complaints.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Good.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32And you may as well make the most of it, cos once we have a baby it all stops.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Why? - It just does, Gav. It's what happens.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Anyway, I gotta get ready for my interview.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Oh, yeah, good luck, babes. You'll walk it.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Thanks. And I'll see you at half-four at Nessa's, then, at the caravan.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45It's the one on the end by the hut?
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Yeah, next to the Welsh nationalists. You can't miss it.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59A lot of cars out there this morning, Gwen.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- Is there? - Yes.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Oh!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Bernie's going out. I think she's off to Morrisons.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Has she got her Bag For Life?
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Yes.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17And Brenda's out. She's taking Emily Rose.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18And the dog?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Yes! She can't go anywhere without the dog, Gwen! She's registered blind.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Right, here we are!
0:02:25 > 0:02:29I've tried something different this time. It's got yesterday's beef in it.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Oh, very exotic.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I don't know what it'll be like.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Oh, hiya, love. - How do I look?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37You look like someone who's about to get a job!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Oh, don't say that! I'm ever so nervous.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Why?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Cos I haven't had an interview since I was 17.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I didn't even interview for Marks. I just filled in a form.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46I mean, what are they gonna ask me? What if...
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Hey now, don't panic.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Why don't me and Bryn give you a little practice run?
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Gwen, that's a crackin' idea.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Let me just get through this and we'll have a go!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03All right, Neil?
0:03:03 > 0:03:05All right, Dave. Where's Ness?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07We been down the shower block for a wash, she's comin' now.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Ah, give him here a minute!
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Let's have a little cwtch with your bampy, is it?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Oh, Dave. Don't just storm off like that...
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Don't start, all right?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19It's half a mile. I feel exposed dressed like this.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24OK, I'm sorry. I didn't think. I had the baby, Neil.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27All right, Dad? What's your plans for today?
0:03:27 > 0:03:28I reckon I'll be movin' on, Ness.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Get from under your feet, you're not exactly blessed with space.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32No, we're not.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And if truth be told, you've overstayed your welcome.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37You'll come back for the wedding, though, right?
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Just let me know the date, I'll be there.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Be sometime in June.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41So where to you headin' next?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I heard there's a bit of extra work on Midsomer Murders,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47thought I'd head up there, show my face, see if I can get a few days on that.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Crackin'.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Tidy.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Send my love to John.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Who's John?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Nettles. Bergerac. Dirty boy.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Good job he can't see me like this, you'd have to put him on a leash.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07That's great. And just one more?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Lovely. And one more?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Lovely stuff.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13And just one more.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I think you're gonna like this one...
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Owain, to be honest I'm not really bothered what I look like on the website.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- I just got to get on, really. - No problem.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Mm. Can we actually get one with you sat...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Monday. I'm all yours Monday.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28But today, I want to finish early cos I've got to get home...
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Hey, if there's one thing they say about Owain Hughes,
0:04:32 > 0:04:33he never gets in your way.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35(MOBILE RINGS)
0:04:38 > 0:04:39I'd better get that.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Smithster!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- Ready, one, two... - Tell 'em wah gwan, blud!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Who killin' em in the UK
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Everybody better say you, K
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Reluctantly, cos most of this press don't...with me
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Estelle once said to me, cool - Down, down
0:04:55 > 0:04:56- Don't act a foo - Now, now
0:04:56 > 0:04:57I always act a fool Ow, ow
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Ain't nothing new - Now now
0:04:59 > 0:05:01He crazy, I know what ya thinkin'
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Ribena, I know what you're drinkin'
0:05:03 > 0:05:04- Rap singer - Chain blinger
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Holla at the next chick Soon as you're blinkin
0:05:06 > 0:05:09What's your persona? About this American rhymer.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Am I shallow Cos all my clothes designer?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15I dress smart like a London bloke
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Before he speak his suit bespoke And you thought he was cute before
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Look at this pea coat Tell me he's broke
0:05:19 > 0:05:20And I know you're not into all that
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- I heard your lyrics - Feel your spirit
0:05:22 > 0:05:24But I still talk that ca-a-ash
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Cos a lotta WAGs wanna hear it
0:05:26 > 0:05:27- And I'm feelin' like Mike - At his baddest
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Like a Pip with the Gladys
0:05:29 > 0:05:30And I know they love it
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- So to hell with all that - Rubbish.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Yes! Brrrr! Brrrr! - That's the best we've done it!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36- Boo! - Boo!
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- Boo! Boo! - Boo! Boo!
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Boo! Boo! What d'you think?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Very impressive! How long did it take you to learn all that?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Been workin' on it two or three weeks. - It's good, isn't it?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- So what you doin'? - Nothing. Just picked Rudi up from work.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48You must be so bored.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I am, mate. I am completely bored. I am a border collie.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54He's Carole Borderman. He ain't got you in his life no more, has he?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56So what time you coming home? Back to your land? Back to your people?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58We'll be at my parents about half-nine.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Or d'you want us to come yours? Drop Neil the baby off?
0:06:00 > 0:06:05Oh, no, Mum's got her group thing, her meeting, her single parents thing,
0:06:05 > 0:06:06they'll all be cryin' in the front room.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10I'll just see you at your mum and dad's. Is Nessa comin', or...?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Yes, she is. Oh, what time we teein' off tomorrow?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I dunno. Pete's organisin' it, P Diddly.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- What, it's all booked? - Yeah, it's done.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19It's Romeo done. (HONKING)
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Listen, mate, I gotta go, I'm parked in a disabled space. I'll call you back.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- You shouldn't be parking there. - All right, mate!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- You're parked in a disabled space. - I am, actually, I'm severely overweight.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- That is a disability. - Look at the size of him.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31It's actually difficult for me to walk.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33(KNOCK ON DOOR)
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Come in.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Have a seat.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42(STACEY GIGGLES)
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Thanks.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Is something funny? - No, I just...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Let me introduce myself.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51My name is Declan...
0:06:52 > 0:06:54..McPartlan.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56And this is my colleague, Sandra.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Sandra...
0:06:59 > 0:07:00Toksvig.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Pleased to meet you, I'm Stacey Shipman.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Now, I see from your CV that you recently returned to the area.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09What made you go in the first place?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Well, what it was, I married a boy from Essex
0:07:12 > 0:07:15and we moved up there but he got a job down here so we moved back.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17So are you prone to changing your mind?
0:07:17 > 0:07:18No, I just wanted...
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Cos we want someone who's committed,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22we want someone who's prepared to give 100%.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I am committed.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26What about relationships, are you committed to them?
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Yes! I'm married.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Well, a little birdie told me
0:07:29 > 0:07:31you were engaged five times before you met your current husband.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33They wouldn't say that in an interview, Uncle Bryn!
0:07:33 > 0:07:34- Who wouldn't? - Who's Uncle Bryn?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, Mum, tell him!
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Look at her! Calling for her mother at the first sign of trouble.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Your generation make me sick.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45You flounce in here and expect it all to be handed to you on a plate...
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Declan...
0:07:46 > 0:07:50Well, I'll tell you what, Little Miss Five Engagements,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52I love this company with all of my heart
0:07:52 > 0:07:56and I will not stand by and see it treated in the same way you treated Leighton,
0:07:56 > 0:08:00and Hywel, the other two, even Achmed.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I've seen it built from nothing.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Do not presume to think you can raze it to the ground...
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Mr McPartlan!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09No, Sandra, this is something I feel very strongly about...
0:08:09 > 0:08:14Mrs Shipman, I'm afraid you're not what we're looking for. Good day.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Good day, Mrs Shipman!
0:08:21 > 0:08:22Next!
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Hiya. I'm here for a job interview. Stacey Shipman?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- Can you make tea? - Yes.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40- Coffee? - Yes!
0:08:40 > 0:08:41When can you start?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47And he offered me the job there and then.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50He didn't ask me any of the questions you asked me.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I didn't ask you any questions, Stace. It was Declan.
0:08:54 > 0:08:58I know for a fact, he was only doing it to give you a worst case scenario.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00This is them, isn't it?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Yeah.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08Hey! Be' dy'chi'n neud?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Lle parcio fi yw e!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13Rydw i'n hoffi coffi.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- What did she say? - No idea.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18All right, Bryn? Stace, how's it goin'? All right?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- Very good, very well. - Hiya!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22If you wanna see Ness, you'll have to wait a minute. She's doin' a reading.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24How's it doin'? How's the new business?
0:09:24 > 0:09:28It's a bit slow. The problem is, Bryn, we don't get any passin' trade down here.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37That was a tough one.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38What was it, palm?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40No. Tarot.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43I had to skirt around the facts, if truth be told.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- He looked very upset. - I make a lot of it up. You have to.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51If even half of what I told him turns out to be true, he's in for a very bad year.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53I'll get changed.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56(NEIL CRIES)
0:10:00 > 0:10:02I'll put him down now.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Can I get anyone a drink? Tea? Coffee? Mojito?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Not for me, David.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I'll have a cider. Stace, you want a cider?
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Aye, go on, then.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Actually, no, I won't. I'm tryin' not to drink.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Why? - Health reasons.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Don't be a twat, Stace.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Sorry.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20I do like it in here, David.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22I like what you've done with the place.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25And I mean, you've got it all here at your fingertips.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27They're a bit hit and miss, them showers, aren't they?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31All right, Bryn! Stace!
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Hiya!
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Hello, Neil. Mr Film Star!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Hey, I saw you the other day.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Lark Rise To Candleford! You were in the background.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, yeah, with the geese!
0:10:41 > 0:10:44I mean, it says something about that programme
0:10:44 > 0:10:46that I was actually watching you.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48That show, in my opinion,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51is all about the dresses, the hats, the bonnets and what-have-you.
0:10:51 > 0:10:56I don't care what anyone says, it's not the same without Dawn French.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57I know. We watch it all the time.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00I don't really understand what they're sayin', to be honest.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03What you still doin' here, anyway? I thought you'd gone.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Yeah, well, I'll be headin' off now in a minute.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Hey, Ness, if it's nice tomorrow we could have a little barbecue.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- What d'you reckon? - Well, I won't be here, will I?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I'm goin' up Essex with Stace, takin' the baby Neil to see his father.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15It's the first I've heard of it.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- I told you the other night. - No, you never.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Oh, Dave, I told you Tuesday night!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22- When? - When you were asleep.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Well, thanks very much for the invite(!)
0:11:24 > 0:11:26No, that's the thing. You're not invited.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- I was being sarcastic. - He was being sarcastic.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30What it is, we're goin' to a spa, we are,
0:11:30 > 0:11:34and all the boys are playin' golf and Pete and Dawn arranged it.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Yes, and the last time you saw Pete, you called him Scrappy Doo
0:11:37 > 0:11:38and he punched you in the face.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Great. So I'm all on my own, then, am I?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43No, you're all right, Dave.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Look, I tell you what, I'll stay down here with you.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48We'll have the whole weekend together, go the clubhouse, couple of cans,
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I got some porn in the back of the cart, it'll be crackin'.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00(HONKS)
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Hiya!
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Hiya. All right?
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Look at you, Little Miss Cafe Marco! Congratulations!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Thanks, babe.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10- All right, Gav? - All right.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Gav! Keep it down, will you?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Sorry, is the baby sleepin'?
0:12:12 > 0:12:15It's not that, it's them lot. The Welshies.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17They get a sniff of an English accent on the site,
0:12:17 > 0:12:18they'll come out and lynch you.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Nice.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Right, you'll take care of my little boy now, won't you, Gav?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Course I will. His dad's my best mate.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Right, I'll give you a ring when we get there, OK?
0:12:37 > 0:12:42Oh, Dave, I got DVD, VHS or some lovely stuff on Betamax, if you fancy.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50I know! I've seen one! I've seen it! It's got like a... Like a...
0:12:50 > 0:12:52A man with a flute on the front. Riding an elephant.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Try the messy drawer.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55I've looked in the messy drawer.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57We keep ours by the Yellow Pages.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59That's it! That's the pony.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02The Yellow Pages. Pete, stand down your troops.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05The search is over. A menu has been found.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08The delights of Bombay Spice shall grace our table tonight!
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I don't know why they keep sending those Yellow Pages.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Our last three are still in the plastic.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16We just use the internet now if we wanna find anything.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Yeah, I'll tell you what we've started using - AQA.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20What's that?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Any Question Answer.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Yeah, you can ask it anything and it'll give you the answer.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27You know, like what's the weather gonna be like tomorrow?
0:13:27 > 0:13:27What's the football score...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Yeah! What was it you asked them the other night?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Should I divorce you?
0:13:31 > 0:13:32That was it.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34No! What did it say?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37I'll tell you what it said, I've got it here.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Right, here we go, I asked it, "Should Pete divorce Dawn?"
0:13:40 > 0:13:42And quick as a flash they came back with,
0:13:42 > 0:13:44"Yes, Pete should divorce Dawn
0:13:44 > 0:13:48"if he is not happy with her and feels the relationship is not going anywhere.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52"But they should try working at things first
0:13:52 > 0:13:55"and divorce should be a last resort."
0:13:55 > 0:13:57- So that's we're doin'. - That's what we're gonna do.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00It's ever so good. We're even thinkin of renewin' our vows.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Oh, that'll be nice!
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Right, I got it. What do we fancy?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Lamb pasanda. Can we get lamb pasanda?
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Yeah, I already got that.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12And how we gonna do it? Havin' our own or shall we all...
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Yeah, I think so, let's. And then we can all just...
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Yeah. And we should ring Gavin and check with them,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18cos I'm not havin' what happened last time.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19What's that?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- He ordered all the hot things... - It wasn't that hot!
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Michael, people were in tears, their noses were streamin', it was awful.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27He's got the chillies, the extra chillies, the jalapenos...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- And Smithy... - He likes them hot!
0:14:29 > 0:14:33He could barely see! He was sweatin' like a horse! Everyone was!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36And the next day, everyone was pumping and trumping!
0:14:36 > 0:14:37It was terrible!
0:14:37 > 0:14:40(LAUGHTER)
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Here, look. Pass me the phone. I'll ring Gav.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Aw, he's really starting to look like Smithy, isn't he?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Yeah, I thought that, around the mouth. - Around the chin.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Ness, is it weird when you see Smithy?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Like, do you think, "Oh, my God! I've had sex with him"?
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Stace, if I thought that every time I saw a man I'd had sex with,
0:14:56 > 0:14:57I'd never get anything done.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00(MOBILE RINGS)
0:15:02 > 0:15:05It's Dad. Will you talk to him? I haven't got the Bluetooth.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Hello?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Who's that? Is that you, Ness?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. What's it to you?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Oh, sorry. Look, is Gav there? It's his dad.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Oh, all right, Mick? What's occurrin'?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Hiya! I thought it was you. We're just orderin' this Indian
0:15:22 > 0:15:24and we wondered what everyone wanted.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26They're orderin' a curry. Who wants what?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Oh, can I have a korma? Is a korma borin'? I know it's boring.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Gav, will you laugh at me if I have a korma?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Course I won't. I think I'm gonna have...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Hang on, is Mum gettin' a pasanda?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Is Mum gettin' a pasanda?
0:15:37 > 0:15:38- Yeah, lamb. - Yes. Lamb.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Right, in that case I'll have a king prawn balti.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44OK, I got that. What about you, Ness?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46If they got it, I'll have a Jamdhani Haash.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- I'll see if they've got it on the menu. - Jamdhani Haash?!
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- I've never heard of that, what is it? - Duck, it is, Gav. Cooked in honey.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55And limes. Immense.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Yeah? It's OK. I've got that. - What about naan bread?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- Smithy'll want a keema naan. - I want a bhaji. Can I have a bhaji?
0:16:00 > 0:16:04Oh, Mick, what's the situation with poppadums, bhajis, naans?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Yeah, hang on a minute.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09What we doin' about bhajis and things, you know, poppadums and naan breads?
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- We'll just put that in the middle. - We'll each help ourselves.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15It's sorted.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16And tell him not to get all that hot stuff.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Gav said don't get the hot stuff.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Yeah, yeah.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Look, Mick, I'm gonna go, this is borin' me.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28We forgot the sag aloo. Text Mum and say, "Sag aloo."
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Right, let's see where we're up to. What we got so far?
0:16:31 > 0:16:35We have lamb pasanda, beef Madras, chicken jalfrezi, no tomatoes.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37- No tomatoes. - Gavin wants a king prawn balti.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Hello, Smithy.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42Bonjour, mes amis. Comment allez-vous? Je m'appelle Smithez.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- What's that, French? - Your instincts serve you well, Peter.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Or should I say Pierre?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49What you on about? What's with the lingo?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Lucy's pen friend's over from the Dordogne,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53can't speak a word of English so I'm throwin' it in whenever I can.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Or in other words, Dawn, quelle est la date de ton anniversaire?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59We're gettin' an Indian. What d'you fancy?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Chicken bhuna, lamb bhuna,
0:17:00 > 0:17:03prawn bhuna, mushroom rice, bag of chips, keema naan and nine poppadums.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07- We'll just stick it on the table and... - Whoa. Right. OK.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10What is it about a group of people orderin' an Indian or Chinese
0:17:10 > 0:17:14that it's somehow unexpectable to eat your own food that you order yourself.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Like, why do we have to...? Why do we all just...?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Well, because it's nice.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21No, it's not for me. Because I guarantee someone, probably Stacey,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24will have ordered a korma. Am I wrong, Mick? Am I wrong?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25No, she has actually...
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Exactly. And in my book a korma's pointless, it's futile.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I won't touch it. But I can guarantee
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Pete's already eyeing up my bhunas? Am I wrong?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Pete, have you thought about my bhunas?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- Well, yes, I probably have... - But they're my bhunas.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- That's why I've ordered two bhunas. - Three, actually.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41- Calm down. - No. I've had enough of it.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Last week, had a Chinese with Chinese and his missus, they were dippin' in mine
0:17:45 > 0:17:48goin', "Yours is really nice!" I'm like, "Yes, it is! That's why I ordered it!"
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Forget it, I want no part of it, I'll order mine, eat it in the car. I'm out.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56(PHONE BLEEPS)
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Sag aloo. Sag aloo!
0:18:01 > 0:18:02I'd like a sag aloo as well, please, Mick.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Gav, listen, I've been thinkin' about it
0:18:21 > 0:18:25and I reckon we should try and do it once, maybe twice before the food arrives.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26- Eh? - Look, you're havin' a curry
0:18:26 > 0:18:29which means you'll drink beer and get drunk and then you'll have problems.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- But two? They've already ordered! - Don't flatter yourself, Gav.
0:18:34 > 0:18:39Oh! I thought it was you, Dad thought it might've been the food. Hiya, Ness!
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- Ah, hello, Neil! - All right, Pam, how's it goin'?
0:18:43 > 0:18:47And there he is, my little Prince of Wales...and the Princess.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Oh, come here, you two, I've missed you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Phew, Mum, are you drunk?
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Not drunk drunk, but I've had some wines.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Hey, there's my little boy. Hiya!
0:18:58 > 0:19:01You all right?
0:19:01 > 0:19:02- Yeah. You? - Yeah.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- Gavlar! - How are you, all right?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- I'm good. It's nice to see you. - You too, mate.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Come on in, it's freezing out here. - Yeah, come on, Gav.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16There he is.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- Hiya, Mick. - How are you, darlin'?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Hello, son, good to have you back.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Gav, I'm just gonna go and... y'know...do that thing...
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- OK, I'll be there now. - Gavin! Darling, come here.
0:19:28 > 0:19:31- You look so different. - Yeah, you do.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- You've grown. How are you, son? - I'm really good!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36How's the job going, you settled in?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Er, yeah, yeah, really enjoying it. I just need to...
0:19:39 > 0:19:44Oh, I've missed you! Haven't I, Pete?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Yeah! We've both been surprised by how much we've missed you!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Come on, let's get you a drink. Come on.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Yeah, you got a bit of catchin' up to do.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Gav? - I'll just take these bags upstairs.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- No, leave that till later. - Nah, I'll do it now.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Come and have a drink.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- We got Kingfishers for the curry. - Nice!
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I'm sorry, babe, it's just...
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Right. I'm gonna go the toilet. You give it ten seconds then follow me,
0:20:06 > 0:20:08and do a funny knock or something so I know it's you.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11I'm not doin' it in the downstairs toilet. Why can't we wait till later?
0:20:11 > 0:20:15No, Gav! We've already missed one chance today, I'm not missing another.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18(DOORBELL RINGS)
0:20:18 > 0:20:20There's the food.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23MICK: That'll be the curry. Whoo-hoo!
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Right, Dawn, jalfrezi, no tomatoes.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Lamb pasanda, I haven't got my lamb pasanda.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34There you go, there you go.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37(LAUGHING)
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- More wine? - Here's yours, darlin'.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42You all right there, mate? You're all sorted, you got yours(?)
0:20:42 > 0:20:44It's the lowest form of wit, Gav.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Oh, this looks lush!
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Oh, you got changed, darlin'.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Yeah, comfier for the curry.
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Anyone sitting 'ere?
0:20:51 > 0:20:52No, I don't think so.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55What you got there?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Jamdhani Haash.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Yeah, I'm gonna try a bit of that later.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- Oh, you ordered the same thing, Mick? - No, but I...
0:21:00 > 0:21:05Look, this is my dish. I ordered it. End of. I'm eatin' it.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Thank you! At last, somebody talking sense! See, it isn't just me.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Right, how are we for drinks?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I'll have a white wine.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Uno baguette, don biero, please.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17No, I'm sticking to pop, I'm looking after Neil tonight,
0:21:17 > 0:21:18give Nessa a break.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Cheers, Stace, I appreciates it.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21By rights, none of us should be drinking,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23not with us having detox facials tomorrow.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- I can't wait. - That's the point!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I haven't washed my face for a week just so's I can feel the benefit.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Oh, I meant to say, has anybody got a spare glove?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- I can't find mine anywhere. - Yeah, I got one.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Is yours the white Calloway one? - That's the one.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Yeah, it's in my bag! - Is it?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- Pete, show 'em your new hat! - Yeah, I got a new hat!
0:21:40 > 0:21:43I got him his hat off the internet.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45It's personalised - got his little name on it
0:21:45 > 0:21:46Oh, that's nice!
0:21:46 > 0:21:51Yeah, it's ever so good, they do all sorts, T-shirts, hats...
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Well, it's just hats and T-shirts, really.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55I can't wait to get out there tomorrow,
0:21:55 > 0:21:56I ain't played a full 18 in months!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Do they play golf in Wales?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Yeah! And tennis. Ian Woosnam's Welsh.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02No!
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Do you want a little knife and fork, darling?
0:22:07 > 0:22:11No. When I lived in Mumbai I ate like this mornin', noon and dinner.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13You lived in India?
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Yeah.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I was personal assistant to Om Puri.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20Oh, I like him! And I don't normally go for, you know...
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Yeah, he's a great man.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Some say the best in Bollywood. But he had to fire me.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I did the one thing he asked me not to do.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29What?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I made it sexual, Pam.
0:22:31 > 0:22:36I was only there three months, between us we directed over 200 films.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Now all I've got to remind me of Om is this Jamdhani Haash
0:22:39 > 0:22:41and a VHS copy of East Is East.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Da-dah!
0:22:44 > 0:22:45(CHEERING)
0:22:45 > 0:22:48"Peter Sutcliffe loves golf!"
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Chug! Chug!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Go on, Gavin! Go on, Gavin!
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Go on, Gavin!
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Go on! Go on!
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Ahh! Ahhh! Ahhh!
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Bloody hell, Mum, I'm not even nearly finished!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Well, you shouldn't challenge me, then.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Gavin, you are the loser!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Therefore you must therefore pay the penalty.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Down in one, please.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Oh, Smith, rack me up one of them while your at it, will you?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- A pleasure, Miss Jenkins. Anyone else? - Tidy.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18PM Dawn. There we go.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Right, I'm gonna see if Neil will go back down now, OK?
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Gav, you gonna come with me?
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- Nah, you're all right. - Gav?!
0:23:24 > 0:23:25Oh, yeah. Yes! Of course.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27- Nah, give him here, I'll do it. - No, it's OK.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- No, I wanna put my son to bed. - Oh, right...
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Come on, you. Let's go to bed. - Gav, you comin' for a fag?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Yeah go on, then. - Where you goin'?
0:23:35 > 0:23:36For a smoke.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Oh, I might fancy a fag.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- Pam! - Come on, Dawn, let's have a ciggie.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41What you on going about?! You don't smoke!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43You haven't smoked since 1981.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48- I know, but I just fancy it. - Go on, then.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50I think I might have a fag, actually.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- Yeah, and me. - I've never seen you smoke, Pete!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56There's a lot you don't know about me, Michael.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I think there's a lot I don't want to know, mate.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01I could tell you a few things about him.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Oh, my Christ! Dawn, you all right?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'm fine! I'm fine!
0:24:07 > 0:24:08(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- I think we all need to slow down a bit. - Chill out, Grandad.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- Oh, it is disgusting, mind. - Exactly!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21I'm quite enjoying it, to be honest.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Mind you, I have had a couple recently.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I had one with Japanese Margaret at work last week.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27- Menthol. - Ah!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Pete, what are you doing?
0:24:29 > 0:24:30What?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32(ALL HOWL WITH LAUGHTER)
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Oh, yeah!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Doughnut!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I hardly ever smoke these days, do I, Gav?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42No, you don't. It don't suit you, really.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46He's right, Stace. Some people were just born to smoke.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48You...you look a fool!
0:24:48 > 0:24:49(LAUGHS)
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Pam! You're smoking! What the hell's going on?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I know, mate. The whole night, it's turned.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Yes, it has.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Can I remind everyone, we are all supposed to be playing golf tomorrow morning?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Oh, give it a rest! - Boring!
0:25:02 > 0:25:07Oh, stuff the lot of you! Come on, let me have a puff of that.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09(HE SPLUTTERS)
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Ah-hoo-hoo!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Pam, you got any vodka?
0:25:13 > 0:25:18Smithy, darling, let's do some shots!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Shots!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22(ALL CHEER)
0:25:22 > 0:25:26(THEY SING "DO THE CONGA", BY BLACK LACE)
0:25:26 > 0:25:28# Da-da-da
0:25:28 > 0:25:30# Da-da-da... #
0:25:30 > 0:25:33(LAUGHTER)
0:25:33 > 0:25:35(# MADNESS: House Of Fun)
0:25:35 > 0:25:37(THEY WHOOP AND LAUGH)
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# N-N-N-No, no, miss, you misunderstood
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# 16, big boy
0:25:46 > 0:25:48# Full pint in my manhood
0:25:48 > 0:25:50# I'm up to date and the date's today
0:25:50 > 0:25:52# So if you'll serve I'll be on my way
0:25:52 > 0:25:56# Welcome to the house of fun now I've come of age
0:25:56 > 0:26:00# Welcome to the lion's den now temptation's on his way
0:26:00 > 0:26:02# Welcome to the house of fun. #
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Oh, can you keep it down a bit? Not for me, for Neil.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Don't worry, Stace. He's like his dad! When he sleeps, he sleeps.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Yeah, don't worry about it, Stace.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14He lives in a caravan. He's used to all sorts.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Gav, can I have a word with you for a minute?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Yeah, hang on, let me just finish... - No, now!
0:26:18 > 0:26:20(SHE CHUCKLES)
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Oh! I'm the man! Wey-hey!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25# ..It's quicker if you run
0:26:25 > 0:26:27# This is a chemist not a joke shop
0:26:27 > 0:26:31# Party hats Simple enough, clear... #
0:26:33 > 0:26:36God, I love you, I really, really love you.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39You don't have to be romantic, all right? We just got to do it quiet cos of Neil.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Yeah, come on, let's do it, let's make a baby.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44I'm just checking a minute.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Yeah, he's fine.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Right...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54(SIGHS)
0:27:07 > 0:27:09(BEEPING)
0:27:16 > 0:27:17Oh, my God.
0:27:17 > 0:27:18Stace.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Stace!
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Oh, my God!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35(PHONE VIBRATES AND BEEPS)
0:27:53 > 0:27:55All right?
0:27:59 > 0:28:00Morning.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06(SHE SIGHS)
0:28:06 > 0:28:10# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you
0:28:16 > 0:28:19# I'll wait by your big house for you
0:28:24 > 0:28:28# I'll wait by the squeezebox for you. #