0:00:02 > 0:00:03What if I can't have kids?
0:00:03 > 0:00:06- Stacey said you've been trying, but HAVE you been trying?- What?!
0:00:06 > 0:00:07That's what I wondered!
0:00:07 > 0:00:10- It's quality. - BOTH:- Not quantity.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12Oh! Don't talk to her like I'm not here.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13This is our son. Mine and hers.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17- We're getting married on June 13th. It'll all change then.- Will it?
0:00:17 > 0:00:21I hope it works out, given me and her woke up in bed last time she came up here without you.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24What?!
0:00:24 > 0:00:27I'm afraid there IS a problem. It's you, Gavin.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29You've got a low sperm count.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31It will be OK, Gav.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40PHONE RINGS
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Hiya!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- Are you still asleep? - 'No.'
0:00:47 > 0:00:48How come?
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Well, I'm up. I've been the shop,
0:00:50 > 0:00:52got a paper, some milk. It's a lush day, innit?
0:00:52 > 0:00:53I know. It's bakin'.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56And there's the Elvis convention. The island's going to be packed.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58What you up to today, then?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Dunno - might pop down and see you later.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Aw, that'll be nice. Make sure you text before you come though, so I can take my break.
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Hang on a minute. I think my parents just pulled up outside the house.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10What, your parents? Your mum and dad? Pam and Mick?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- 'Yeah!' - Oh, my God. Maybe your nan's died.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Right. Which one? Cos they're both dead.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Are they? And mine are.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Aw. There's lush.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I'll call you back.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Yoo-hoo! Surprise!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31- What you doin' here? - Oh, that's a nice welcome(!)
0:01:31 > 0:01:32- Hiya, mate.- Hiya.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36No, it's just... Well, it's just a surprise, that's all.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38That's cos we wanted to surprise you!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Needless to say, this was your mother's idea.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42It wasn't actually. It was Dawn and Pete's.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45They saw the weather last night on Sky and said,
0:01:45 > 0:01:47"It's going to be nice in Wales tomorrow, by all accounts.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49"Let's spend the day on Barry Beach."
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Are they following you?- No.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54They had a row, 3am this morning. They're not speakin'.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- Dawn threw him out. He slept in the shed.- Why?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58- The ring.- That bloody ring.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Mick? Pam? Gav? I'm up here!
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- Hiya!- Hello!
0:02:02 > 0:02:06There I was, having a bath, when the phone goes. It's Glenda.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10She says Gav's mum and dad have pulled up outside Gwen's.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12I said, "Don't be daft, Glenda."
0:02:12 > 0:02:15But, lo and behold, she was right! And there you are.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16- Here we are!- Here we are.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Wait there, I'll get dressed. I'm naked.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21< Well, that's a fiver I owe Glenda!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Hiya, Doris. - All right, Dor?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26She just emailed me and said it was you, and I said,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28"I'll bet you five quid it isn't."
0:02:28 > 0:02:30And here you are! She's made a twat of me, Pam.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34I'll tell you something else. Gwen's in for a shock.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Glenda just text me!
0:02:35 > 0:02:39She said you were here! Well, what a shock.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I know! It's a surprise!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- We fancied a day on the beach. - Oh, that's the ticket.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48That sounds lovely. Can we join you?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Gwen, we would love it.
0:02:50 > 0:02:54We've got everything in the back - windbreaks, Lilos, surfboards...
0:02:54 > 0:02:56It's a bodyboard. Are you comin', Doris?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58I haven't been down the island for years.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- Well, all the more reason. - Well, why not!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Doughnut, a bag of chips, I'm your girl. I'll have to dig out my bikini.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- PAM LAUGHS - Jokin' I am, Gav.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09A one-piece it is.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11PAM LAUGHS
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Oh! Sorry about that.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14You were quick.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Oh, I'm only halfway through, Pam. I've not even talcumed yet.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Now, I hear we're going down the beach.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- How'd you hear that? - Glenda. On Twitter.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24She said she's seen Gav's mum and dad
0:03:24 > 0:03:26talking to Gwen about going down the beach.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- You're coming, aren't you? - I should cocoa!
0:03:29 > 0:03:32But I'm thinkin' about little baby Neil the Baby.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- He'd love it down there.- He would!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37But what's the latest with Nessa and Dave?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39We don't really know. We've not heard a peep.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Let me exfoliate. I'll pop down the van, see how the land lies.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45GWEN: Well, come on in.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52So... this is O...bama.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54All right?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56O...bama.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Not to be confused with...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00O...sama.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Ah!
0:04:01 > 0:04:03O...bama.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07O...sama.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Very different people with very different ideas.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11You fancy a rusk?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Me too.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23All right?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- Yeah. I gotta get a new gas. - We'll come with you, if you like.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- No, you're all right. - Where to you goin'?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I dunno. Rylands? Lawsons?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34They open bank holidays?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Shit. Yeah, probably not.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Well, we should last till tomorrow, shouldn't we?
0:04:38 > 0:04:41You talkin' about the Calor Gas or our relationship?
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Aw, Dave, man, come on!
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- Why you being like this? - Why am- I- being like this?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- You gotta to let it go. - Why you sleepin' with another man?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I told you, I didn't sleep with him. Not like that.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Positive, are you?- No, I'm not, if truth be told. But what can I do?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I bought you that Aston Villa strip.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I know, and I loves it. You know I does.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I can't bear it, Ness, thinkin' of you and him together,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07doin' things...
0:05:07 > 0:05:11You know, doin' stuff that we do, the things that we do...
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Look, I know we didn't do any of that stuff, OK?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17But how do you know?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Cos I didn't have my bag. My tools. My cloak.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Anyway, he couldn't take that level of...
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- KNOCK AT DOOR - Nessa? Dave? Neil?
0:05:23 > 0:05:24It's Bryn.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26We're in here, Bryn.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28- DOOR OPENS - Hello, you three!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Whew! Hot in here.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33That better for you, Bryn?
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Yes. Thank you.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Now, here's the thing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Pam and Mick...Shipman
0:05:39 > 0:05:42have just turned up on the doorstep, out of the blue,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and we've all decided to go the beach.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- Will you join us? - Will Smithy be there?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Oh!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51No. As far as I know, his name's not been mentioned.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I know things between the two of you are not exactly...well, peachy.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Look, you do what you like.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I gotta find me some gas.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02We're nearly empty, aren't we, Ness?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Catch you later, Bryn.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Good...God!
0:06:15 > 0:06:18The tension in here, Ness, it's unbearable!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Is this what it's been like? - Yeah, for weeks.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Well, I don't want to know the details - the ins, the outs...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27That's the problem, Bryn. I can't remember if there were any.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32MUSIC: "Colourful Life" by Cajun Dance Party
0:06:39 > 0:06:44# I'd love to go to a brand new place but recognise the sky
0:06:44 > 0:06:47# A brand new motion yet same old people... #
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Hiya!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Hiya.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Aw!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53You look so lush.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- What you mean?- Just watchin' you then, from the kiosk, smilin'.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- It's been so long since I seen you proper smilin'.- Oh, that's nice.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Hiya, Stace!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05We're on the island. Can you believe it?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- First time! - I know. What d'you think?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- I like it - a beautiful beach! - Well, it's nice.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12But I suppose that's cos the sun's shining.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15I mean, I expect if it was raining or just a bit overcast,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17it would be quite a bleak and depressing place.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19A bit like Billericay, really.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Hiya, love. You going to come down on your break?
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Definitely. Where? Down by the left or the right?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- Probably the middle. - Yeah, it's nice there.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29See you later. DORIS: See you down there, love.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30See you later.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32All right, Ness?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Hiya. Where's Dave? - What's occurrin'?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Stace, we're not mentioning Dave today.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Today is a David-free zone.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Is it still bad?
0:07:39 > 0:07:42The atmosphere in that caravan
0:07:42 > 0:07:44is what I can only describe as...
0:07:46 > 0:07:50- Well, I can't describe it. - So, Dave's not comin' then?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh, Gav, what happened to this Dave-free zone?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54< Oh, Stace!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Sorry, Marco!
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Come on! I got seven Elvises here, all gasping for a cappuccino.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Right. I'll see you later.- See ya. PHONE RINGS
0:08:04 > 0:08:05All right, mate?
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Gavelarindini! Guess where I am?
0:08:07 > 0:08:08- Where?- Guess.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09- Where?- 'No, guess.'
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Where?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12- Guess.- Upton Park.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13Wrong! I'm in my car.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- Oh, yeah. Where you goin'?- Guess.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16Just tell me where you are!
0:08:16 > 0:08:18OK, I've just crossed a big bridge.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I paid £5.40 for the privilege.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24I'm currently coming off the M4, onto the A48, heading westbound,
0:08:24 > 0:08:26straight towards the Isle of Barreee...
0:08:26 > 0:08:27You're comin' here!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31..where I know for a fact my best friend's wife's at work all day,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33leaving him, AKA you, sat at home, watching YouPorn,
0:08:33 > 0:08:38playing with what can only be described, after recent revelations, as his empty, useless gonads.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42- Smithy!- You gotta laugh at it. Gotta laugh adversity right in the face.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- I don't. That's really horrible! - 'Whoa!'
0:08:44 > 0:08:47What about when Gary and Simon's uncle had his testicle removed
0:08:47 > 0:08:49and he came in the Crown after his operation?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I don't remember you holding back. What was it?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54- I don't know.- What was the song that YOU made up?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57The One-ball Of Wimbledon.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58# Underground, overground
0:08:58 > 0:09:00BOTH: # Wombling free
0:09:00 > 0:09:03# The one-ball of Wimbledon Common are we. #
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- I'll give you that.- The irony is he's moved to Wimbledon.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- You're on your way here? - We're going to go to the beach.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12I want to be the first person to take my son and walk him on the sand.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15The only problem is he's already on the beach. We all are.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Mum and Dad, everyone. It was a bit impromptu.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20What? Is Dave there?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21No, hang on. Bryn, is Dave comin'?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23We don't know. He's gone to get gas.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25He's gone to get gas.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Oh, well in that case, look, I'm not going to bother.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I...I'll just turn around.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- 'It's probably for the best.' - Yeah, probably.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37No! Why's it for the best? I'm tryin' to see my son! Stop tryin' to stop me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- I'm not!- Don't then! I'll see you in a bit! Goodbye!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41See ya.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- This is a beautiful beach! - I'm glad you said that, Mick,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56because we're very proud of our beaches in Barry. Aren't we, Gwen?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- Oh, yes. I prefer it to Porthcawl.- Now, now.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02The thing is, Mick, I've got a lot of happy memories of this beach.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Some of the best times of my childhood.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07We used to come over for the day from Swansea.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- And see those rocks over there? - Yeah.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Well, I'll never forget Trevor, my brother, God rest his soul,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16and his friend, Ian Dixon - Dixie they called him, I don't know why -
0:10:16 > 0:10:19I'll never forget them dangling me over the edge there,
0:10:19 > 0:10:21one summer holidays,
0:10:21 > 0:10:26by my ankles, swinging me back and forth, back and forth!
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Oh, they were laughing away.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29And if I hadn't held my hands out,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32my face would've been bashing against those rocks...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Bryn, that's terrible!
0:10:34 > 0:10:37No, it was just tomfoolery, Pam!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- Really?- Yes.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40The folly of youth.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44And between you and me, I rather enjoyed having both arms in plaster.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Like this, I was...
0:10:46 > 0:10:49"Hello. Hello. Hello."
0:10:49 > 0:10:51- BRYN LAUGHS - Happy days.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55£5 he's askin'. For a bit of canvas on a wooden frame.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- That's a bit steep. - You could buy one for that.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01I told him to stick it, Pam. Comin' over here, takin' our jobs.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Where was he from, Poland?
0:11:03 > 0:11:04No. Newport.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Mick, give Dor your foldy.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Yeah, all right. Here you go, Doris.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10Thanks, Mick.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13GAVIN: I'm going to get some drinks. What's everyone want?
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Oh, just get a mixture.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Yeah, just a few cans of pop.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17I'll have an Irn-Bru.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20- What if they ain't got Irn-Bru? - Go somewhere that has.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23OK. Anyone else?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I'll have a tea, Gav. Or a Shandy Bass. Either's fine.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Should we get a little juice for Neil the Baby?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I mean, I know we've got some water but...
0:11:31 > 0:11:33It's up to you, Gwen. But I'm not payin' for it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- DORIS:- Don't worry. I'll get these. Is that enough, Gav?
0:11:37 > 0:11:40What? Well, it's only a few cans, but cheers, Dor.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41No worries.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Fake it is, Gav, that 20.- What?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- I'm jokin'! Lighten up, man.- Right.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50# Da-da, da-daaa
0:11:50 > 0:11:53# Da-da, da-daaa... #
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- Give it a rest! - PAM LAUGHS
0:11:55 > 0:11:56< Oh. Mick.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57You been workin' out?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Nice frame.- Cheers.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00I do me best.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I bet you do.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Hey, Pam, I imagine you're a satisfied customer!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Doris!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I've got no complaints - put it that way.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10BOTH LAUGH
0:12:10 > 0:12:12I bet you haven't, you lucky bitch.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Hey, Mister. Let's get this on you - get you protected.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19No, look, Bryn, you're all right. Pam'll do it. Won't you, Pam?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- Leave her be. She's relaxing. - Honestly, Bryn...
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Look, it's on my hands. What can I do?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27OK.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Yes, sir. Can I help you?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42I'd like some drinks, please, lots of cans, and a smooch,
0:12:42 > 0:12:44a full smooch and a cuddle.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Aw, are you missin' me?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- I am actually, yeah. - I'll be down in a bit now.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Hey, guess what I was thinkin' this mornin'?- What?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58We should go on holiday. You know, just get away from it all.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- Yeah, maybe.- I just think we're a bit preoccupied with everything...
0:13:01 > 0:13:05You know, havin' babies, not havin' babies...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Maybe we just need to be on our own for a bit.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09But this is nice, just us two.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- SMITHY:- Gavlar! This is amazing!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14There's a fair! Why have we never been here before?
0:13:14 > 0:13:18- Ghost train, dodgems...- Log flumes. - Log flumes! We gotta go on 'em.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Where's Neil? Where's everyone?
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Down on the right, just after the steps.- I'll see you down there.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- You want a drink? - Yeah, I'll have an Irn-Bru.- OK.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33Really, Bryn, that should be fine now, seriously.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34You can never be too careful, Mick!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Skin cancer is on the up, isn't it, Dor?
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Apparently.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Hey, Smithy! Hey up, Smithy!
0:13:41 > 0:13:42PAM: Hey!
0:13:42 > 0:13:43There he is.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- All right, Doris? You beach-bound diva!- Hiya, Smithy, love.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Look at you lot - sunnin' yourselves, livin' the dream.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- All right?- Yeah. You?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Yeah, yeah, good. Where's my boy?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Hey! There he is!
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Look! It's your daddy!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Hiya! Look at you!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Oh! What do you think of the beach, then, eh?
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Yeah? You like it?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Look what I've got! Look at that!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11You going to help me build a sandcastle?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Yeah? You want to build a sandcastle?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Is it all right or does he need a sleep or anything?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17- He's fine. Go for it.- Yeah?
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Here you are, Gwen. Will you take him a minute? I'll just get this off.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25I can't get it off!
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- What you doin', wearin' that, anyway? - I thought it'd be a laugh. But it's not comin' off.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm not surprised. How did you get it on? Isn't it a child's one?
0:14:33 > 0:14:34No, it's 12 to 14.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36THEY ALL LAUGH
0:14:36 > 0:14:39You can't pull it over your tummy. Pull it over your bum.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- All right, Bryn! - No, no. He doesn't want to go.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- Maybe you should deflate it. - That's it. Where's the valve?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47There isn't a valve. I can't find a valve.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- Smithy, what are you like? - Mate, you're so funny!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I'm getting a bit claustrophobic, actually.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56AIR HISSES
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Cheers.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07We'll build this sandcastle, shall we?
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Yeah.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Yeah.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Well, this is lovely.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Lovely, lovely.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21I can't remember the last time we spent a bank holiday on a beach.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Well, not in this country, anyway!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Sorry I took so long. Stacey's rushed off her feet.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29It's a shame she's stuck up there workin' when we're all down here.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33- She's got a break in a bit. Where's Bryn?- I don't know. Where's he gone?
0:15:42 > 0:15:46- Bloody hell, Bryn! You look like Daniel Craig!- I know!
0:15:46 > 0:15:47It's the shorts!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49You're brave, goin' in there.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52You look like you've frozen your bollocks off. Sorry, Gav.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54It's all right once you're in there.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57It's getting your shoulders under that's the worst part.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Right, so we've filled it up with sand, there,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04and then we're going to turn it over...
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Ready? And I'm going to lift this up.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- And underneath, there's going to be be a castle!- Oh. Before we do,
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I gotta warn you, Neil. Don't get your hopes up, all right?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Don't have any expectations, cos it might all crumble before you
0:16:16 > 0:16:19and you'll be left with a big pile of sand before your eyes.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22No, that's not going to happen if we give it the special tap.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25You give it a special tap. Of course you do. Goes without sayin'.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27All right, so, I'll give it a special tap, right?
0:16:27 > 0:16:31One, two, three. And then Mummy gives it the special tap.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34And then the three of us,
0:16:34 > 0:16:38all together, all three of us give it a special tap. Ready?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40One, two, three...
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Look!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Ah!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45You all right, mate?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- Go after him.- What?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Go and talk to him. - What about? He's all right.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57No, he's not. He's clearly upset about his...
0:16:58 > 0:17:00You know, it might be better comin' from you.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03No, I can't talk to him about man's things.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05About...(sperm).
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Well, I'm not going to talk to him about sperm!
0:17:07 > 0:17:10(Why?) That's what the problem is, (sperm!)
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Well, I'm his dad, and I don't want to.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Exactly! He is your sperm! He's made from your sperm.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Can we please stop sayin' the word "sperm"?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20All right...essence, (whatever!)
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- It's all right here, isn't it, eh? - Yeah, it's nice.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50I wouldn't mind wakin' up to this every morning.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Yeah.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56It'll be all right, you know, all this.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00It will. Cos it's not, like, out of the question...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02You and Stacey to be able to...
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- But it is, Dad.- What?
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- They've told you something different now?- No, but it's not looking good.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- Right. Then, there's still a chance? - A really small chance.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14But you're mopin' around like it's all been decided.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Look at your Uncle. Remember Vinnie?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- The one with the... - The internet thing, yeah.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Well, he... He was told he couldn't have kids.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- He's got four, hasn't he? - Exactly! By three different women.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- He's not allowed to see them now, of course.- Mm.- The point is,
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- they're not always right, the doctors.- But they might be.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33And if they are, then you look at the alternatives...
0:18:33 > 0:18:37Sperm donors, adoption... You don't just give up on the whole thing.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I just feel like I've let everyone down, you know?
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Like who, for Christ's sake? - You and Mum.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Oh, don't be silly.- I do. I know she's not sayin' anything,
0:18:47 > 0:18:50but I saw how upset she was when I told her.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53You and her, you'd make brilliant grandparents.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Come here!
0:18:56 > 0:18:57One thing at a time, yeah?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00There's just so many "what ifs", Dad.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Exactly. Nothing is decided.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05And I'll tell you what...
0:19:05 > 0:19:07however upset you think your mum is,
0:19:07 > 0:19:11it's not going to do her image any good being called "Granny".
0:19:11 > 0:19:13She's been 51 for the past five years!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15GAV LAUGHS
0:19:15 > 0:19:18MUSIC: "Echo Beach" by Martha and the Muffins
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Hiya. All right?
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Gav! I've finished!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Marco's gone home, Nino's come down. He said I can go!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- Gino didn't say anything?- He wasn't bothered! Shall we go the fair?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Yes! I heard that. I'm coming.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Bryn, you want to come? - What, the fair?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Ho-ho, no chance. No way. Not on your nelly.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40- Why not?- Smithy, no self-respecting resident of Barry Island
0:19:40 > 0:19:42would be seen dead at that fair.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- Why?- Oh, don't start, Bryn.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Nobody died. You just won't go there cos of the ghost train.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50That's got nothing to do with it, Gwen.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Trevor left him on there when they were little. Round and round he was goin'. Couldn't get out.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57SMITHY LAUGHS
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Well, I'm going.- Me too!
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Uncle Bryn can look after the stuff. - I've changed my mind. I'm coming.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05GAVIN: Oh! Oh, no! LAUGHTER
0:20:05 > 0:20:07To the fair!
0:20:07 > 0:20:10MUSIC: "Pencil Full of Lead" by Paolo Nutini
0:20:19 > 0:20:23# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed and a pillow for my head
0:20:23 > 0:20:25# I got a pencil full of lead and some water for my throat
0:20:25 > 0:20:28# I got buttons for my coat and sails on my boat
0:20:28 > 0:20:29# So much more than I needed before
0:20:29 > 0:20:32# I got money in the meter and a two-bar heater
0:20:32 > 0:20:34# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
0:20:34 > 0:20:36# I've got legs on my chairs and a head full of hair
0:20:36 > 0:20:38# Pot and a pan and some shoes on my feet
0:20:38 > 0:20:42# I've got a shelf full of books and most of my teeth
0:20:43 > 0:20:46# Oh... I got a sheet for my bed and a pillow for my head
0:20:46 > 0:20:49# I got a pencil full of lead and some water for my throat
0:20:49 > 0:20:52# I got buttons for my coat and sails on my boat
0:20:52 > 0:20:53# So much more than I needed before
0:20:53 > 0:20:55# I got money in the meter and a two-bar heater
0:20:55 > 0:20:58# Oh, and now it's gettin' hotter Oh, it's only gettin' sweeter
0:20:58 > 0:21:00# I've got legs on my chairs and a head full of hair
0:21:00 > 0:21:02# Pot and a pan and some shoes on my feet
0:21:02 > 0:21:05# I've got a shelf full of books and most of my teeth
0:21:06 > 0:21:08# Oh... #
0:21:15 > 0:21:18It was just a shock, that's all. I didn't expect to see him there.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Don't start. I didn't know he was comin', all right?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Well, how do you think I felt,
0:21:23 > 0:21:25turnin' up and seeing you two on the dodgems?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27You know I loves the bumper cars.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Oh, don't make it sound like I was doin' somethin' wrong!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Like wakin' up in bed with someone you've fathered a child with?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I'd rather get in a dodgem with you any day!
0:21:35 > 0:21:40- ..Like I'm makin' a fuss of nothin'. - Buying gas was more important... - He's always turnin' up,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43being loud and Cockney, doin' his robots!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- I gotta be civil to him. He's the mother of my... The father of my child.- For God's sake, Ness.
0:21:47 > 0:21:52- We're getting married in three weeks. When you going to start putting me first?- Don't be a twat.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Sorry to disturb, but are you going to stay?
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Cos we're having a barbecue, we are.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Well, it depends.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Look, I'm not going to say nothin', all right?
0:22:04 > 0:22:05We're not going to kick off...
0:22:05 > 0:22:09No, not you. It depends what type of barbecue it is.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- How d'you mean?- Are we talking burgers and sausage in a long-life bun, or are you takin' it serious?
0:22:13 > 0:22:18- I'm not sure what...- I'm talkin' chicken breast, seafood, rib-eye steaks, spare ribs, lamb kebabs.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22What about side orders? Potato salad, coleslaw. What you going to marinate?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24- I think we can...- You haven't thought this through.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I know we're getting the meat from Dic! Dic Powell.
0:22:27 > 0:22:34Nawr, Bryn, mae na bopeth asenau, asenau pork, steacen, steacen a'r yr asgwrn...
0:22:34 > 0:22:39sirloin a llygad yr asen... dim fillet dwy ddim cael fillet, breast cyw iar, kebabau
0:22:39 > 0:22:40...a cig halal i gyd a sosej.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Ah, now, that's definitely "sausage".,
0:22:43 > 0:22:46"Sosej" I know is "sausage". That's a given.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51I think he also said something about steaks, prawns and possibly a kebab.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54I know that. I can see what he's got in his box, Bryn.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I'm worried about where it's from.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58It looks like it's fallen off the back of a lorry.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- BRYN LAUGHS - No, Mick!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03It's not fallen off the back of a lorry. It's been stolen!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Dic's brother, Ric, works in a slaughterhouse in Llanelli.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Isn't that right, Dic? I'm telling Mick about Ric!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- Yn union. - Why you shouting at him?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15It's the only way I can get through. Anyway,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Ric helps himself to a few little bits and bobs, then gives it to Dic.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21He then sells them around the back alleys.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24He's been doin' it for years. It's totally legit.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27And the thing is it's incredible value.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30These steaks are 87 pence!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Well, that is good. 87 pence for a steak?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34No, not 87 pence each!
0:23:34 > 0:23:3687 pence for three!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44How's it goin' there, boys?
0:23:44 > 0:23:45I love barbecues.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48I mean, I just LOVE barbecues.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49- I know.- I mean, this...
0:23:49 > 0:23:53This is one of the finest inventions since...ever.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58I can't get enough of 'em. Got a stack at home, downstairs toilet. Take them to work with me sometimes.
0:23:58 > 0:24:03The other day, in your mum's garden, fired one up - couple of sausages, bread, lovely.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04When you're done, chuck it.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Very environmentally friendly(!) - Don't start.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08- But it's not, is it?- Right.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11OK, well, let's all buy a Prius and have a shit in the woods.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Well, here's one you'll know.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16DORIS STRUMS GUITAR
0:24:16 > 0:24:20# And if a double-decker bus
0:24:20 > 0:24:24# Crashes into us
0:24:24 > 0:24:27# To die by your side
0:24:27 > 0:24:30# Is such a heavenly way to die
0:24:30 > 0:24:34# And if a ten-ton truck
0:24:34 > 0:24:37# Kills the both of us
0:24:37 > 0:24:39# To die by your side
0:24:39 > 0:24:43# Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine
0:24:43 > 0:24:48BOTH: # Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
0:24:48 > 0:24:51IMITATING MORRISSEY: # There is a light and it never goes out
0:24:51 > 0:24:55# There is a light and it never goes out... #
0:24:55 > 0:24:58LAUGHTER
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Is he all right?
0:25:00 > 0:25:03He's out for the count. I'll keep an eye on him. Don't worry.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Right, everyone, I think these prawns are ready to roll!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08- Doris, you stay there. I'll get yours.- Aye, go on, then.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- Bit of everything?- Yeah. What doesn't get eaten, stick in the bin.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16- Are you warm enough? Cos I can go get a blanket.- No, I'm fine, love.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Hey, I'll tell you what we need - one of those outdoor heaters.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Have you seen those, Mick? - Yeah, I have.- They are phenomenal!
0:25:22 > 0:25:25They keep you warm when you're outdoors!
0:25:25 > 0:25:26Pete and Dawn have got one.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Yeah, table-top one.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Pete sticks it on when he sleeps in the shed.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32LAUGHTER
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I'll tell you where there's a good one - that O'Neill's in Loughton.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- But if you're right under it... - It's too warm.- Makes you sweat. - Deano was under it all night.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44He was outside, chainin' it, he actually got burnt on the back of his neck. Sunburn.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Had to put aftersun on. Aloe vera. SMITHY AND MICK: 'Ello, Vera!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49- PHONE BEEPS - I worry about that boy, you know.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53We all do, Mick. But I tell you, that is the one, only,
0:25:53 > 0:25:57singular good thing to come out of the smoking ban...
0:25:57 > 0:25:59the advancement in outdoor heating.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05This is all very mysterious, isn't it? Texting me?
0:26:05 > 0:26:10I know. I just haven't seen you today. Not properly.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12I fancied a little cwtch.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21I had a good chat with Dad today.
0:26:21 > 0:26:25- Did you? What'd he say?- Oh, you know, just telling me not to worry.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Saying it'll be all right and that.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Well, he's right, isn't he?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I think what we should do is, we should set a date.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Say, the end of the year, and not do anything till then.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- How do you mean? - Well, we'll keep tryin'.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38And if nothing's happened by then,
0:26:38 > 0:26:41then we'll just have to accept it ain't going to.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45- And start lookin' into adoption and things?- Yeah.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47OK.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52It's ever so sad, isn't it?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Yeah.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Oh, my God.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Dave's talking to Smithy.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I just wanted to clear the air about it, that's all.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- Yeah, whatever. It's fine. - Just leave it now, OK?
0:27:12 > 0:27:15You've said your piece. Let the man eat his food in peace.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- I'm just sayin', that's all. - And I'm sayin' it's fine.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- Everythin' all right?- Fine.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- Cos we're getting married... - In three weeks. You said.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25And I know that what happened meant nothing to her or to you...
0:27:25 > 0:27:26BOTH: If anything did happen...
0:27:26 > 0:27:30Let's just draw a line under the whole thing and move on.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- Shall we? - Yeah. Can I eat my sausage now?
0:27:32 > 0:27:36No hard feelings, yeah?
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Well... I can't believe it.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43- In three weeks, you're going to be married, eh, Ness?- I know.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- I love a wedding, me.- Me too!
0:27:45 > 0:27:46I know. It's really lush.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50And you should see Nessa's dress. It's absolutely mesmerising.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Don't tell me any details now. Don't want to jinx it.
0:27:53 > 0:27:58- And Jason's coming over, Pam. I can't wait to see him.- Oh, little gay Jase!
0:27:58 > 0:28:03- Is he still all right to stay with you, Bryn?- Yes, all sorted. The sofa's got his name on it.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Everything OK, now, is it, then,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07with you and him and all that fishin' trip nonsense?
0:28:14 > 0:28:16A toast!
0:28:16 > 0:28:17To the happy couple.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Nessa and David.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20- Nessa and Dave! - ALL: Nessa and David!
0:28:22 > 0:28:27# Tell me tomorrow I'll wait by the window for you
0:28:32 > 0:28:36# I'll wait by your big house for you
0:28:40 > 0:28:44# I'll wait by the squeeze-box for you. #
0:28:44 > 0:28:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:47 > 0:28:50E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk