A Beginner's Guide

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0:00:04 > 0:00:07# With your bombs and your bullets and your goings on

0:00:07 > 0:00:09# I'm right, you're wrong

0:00:09 > 0:00:11# Too many mourning it won't be long

0:00:11 > 0:00:14- # You can see it but I'll be gone. # - MUSIC WARPS AND STOPS

0:00:14 > 0:00:18Hello! And welcome to A Beginner's Guide to Give My Head Peace,

0:00:18 > 0:00:20with me, Da.

0:00:20 > 0:00:22Give My Head Peace without a doubt made my career.

0:00:22 > 0:00:24It certainly taught me a lot!

0:00:24 > 0:00:28And, erm, I had the best time of my life on it.

0:00:28 > 0:00:30I loved the whole buzz of doing it

0:00:30 > 0:00:32and the whole thing of being with the Hole In The Wall gang,

0:00:32 > 0:00:36who are, even then, were really, really iconic.

0:00:36 > 0:00:39You know, from 15 onwards, you know, I was watching this.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42And because of the seriousness of Belfast,

0:00:42 > 0:00:44it was great to have some Friday night fun, you know?

0:00:44 > 0:00:46The newsroom, you know, serious journalists would say,

0:00:46 > 0:00:49"Oh, I wouldn't watch that." Glued to it, glued to it,

0:00:49 > 0:00:53because they had met those individuals in their walk of life.

0:00:53 > 0:00:57Now, Give My Head Peace was a very serious political programme

0:00:57 > 0:01:01that challenged British propaganda from a Republican perspective.

0:01:01 > 0:01:03PHONE RINGS

0:01:03 > 0:01:04Phone!

0:01:04 > 0:01:07Somebody answer the ph... Sake!

0:01:11 > 0:01:13Hello? Gerry!

0:01:13 > 0:01:15Gerry, I've told you, will you stop worrying?

0:01:15 > 0:01:17I'm just going to shake the man's...

0:01:17 > 0:01:18HE SNIFFS ..hand.

0:01:20 > 0:01:22And that'll be that!

0:01:22 > 0:01:25Anyway, come on in and sit yourselves down,

0:01:25 > 0:01:27and I'll make a wee cup of tea...

0:01:27 > 0:01:28Oh!

0:01:28 > 0:01:29SHE RETCHES

0:01:37 > 0:01:41I don't mean to be rude, Ma, but that looks like a bucket of sh...

0:01:41 > 0:01:44Surely to God he hasn't...

0:01:46 > 0:01:48Several days' worth, by the looks of it.

0:01:52 > 0:01:54What?

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Why is there a bucket of...?

0:01:56 > 0:01:58That's mine!

0:01:59 > 0:02:01Don't be so bloody nosy.

0:02:05 > 0:02:09I always knew he was full of it, but did he have to show us it as well?

0:02:09 > 0:02:13I am, of course, the best loved character in Give My Head Peace.

0:02:13 > 0:02:15Everybody adores me!

0:02:15 > 0:02:16All right, Jimmy?

0:02:17 > 0:02:20You didn't tell me that bollocks was in!

0:02:20 > 0:02:22Ignore him. I always do.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24You got something for me?

0:02:24 > 0:02:27Sure, you can't even read, you beardy gobshite.

0:02:27 > 0:02:31Let's get in the car and drive like frig!

0:02:31 > 0:02:35- I'm coming, too!- No, you're too heavy, you'll slow us down!

0:02:35 > 0:02:40Excuse me, Da, there was more to Give My Head Peace

0:02:40 > 0:02:43than you just making a tube out of yourself.

0:02:43 > 0:02:44You don't respect me very much, do you?

0:02:44 > 0:02:46Well, you're a painter.

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Look, I'll tell you what,

0:02:51 > 0:02:53we'll discuss it in the morning.

0:02:53 > 0:02:55Shut up and sit down!

0:02:57 > 0:02:59Excuse me! Is there a Catholic in the room?

0:03:02 > 0:03:03There is now!

0:03:05 > 0:03:08The whole thing started back in 1995,

0:03:08 > 0:03:11with two ceasefires and a wedding.

0:03:11 > 0:03:16When his stupid daughter married my even stupider nephew.

0:03:16 > 0:03:18And your name is...?

0:03:18 > 0:03:20HARP MUSIC

0:03:22 > 0:03:23Emer.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28That's a beautiful name.

0:03:28 > 0:03:31- Emer.- What's your name?

0:03:31 > 0:03:33Billy.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35I think I'm in love with you, Emer.

0:03:35 > 0:03:37I love you too, Billy.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40When I first came across Give My Head Peace, I thought,

0:03:40 > 0:03:45these are vastly overdrawn characters, one-dimensional,

0:03:45 > 0:03:47in, you know, pantomime,

0:03:47 > 0:03:49farcical situations.

0:03:49 > 0:03:51And I loved it immediately.

0:03:51 > 0:03:54Mammy, Daddy, this here's Billy.

0:03:54 > 0:03:56Cal! It's a peeler!

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Quick, where's my gun? Where's my gun?

0:03:58 > 0:04:00Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

0:04:00 > 0:04:02What did Gerry say?

0:04:02 > 0:04:06"The gun is now out of Irish politics."

0:04:06 > 0:04:09When Billy's introduced to the Catholic family

0:04:09 > 0:04:11in his police uniform...

0:04:11 > 0:04:13How do you do?

0:04:13 > 0:04:14VASE SMASHES

0:04:14 > 0:04:16Sorry, force of habit.

0:04:16 > 0:04:19Nobody had done that before.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22I was out of the chair and on the carpet.

0:04:22 > 0:04:26When Emer left Billy, he was devastated.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28I knew he'd never get over it.

0:04:28 > 0:04:30I'm an empty shell without her.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32I'm never going to look at another woman.

0:04:32 > 0:04:38- Who's that, Ma?- There is no point in you moping about, Billy.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40- You'll never find somebody... - Well, hello.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Hiya.

0:04:42 > 0:04:47- Who are you? - I'm Dympna, Emer's sister.

0:04:47 > 0:04:49She's moving in?

0:04:49 > 0:04:52I've moved in, I've been here a week.

0:04:52 > 0:04:55But I got fed up living in the attic.

0:04:55 > 0:04:59These characters who, OK,

0:04:59 > 0:05:03are supposed to be caricatures of certain individuals in our society,

0:05:03 > 0:05:08but as the years have gone on, you actually believe that they're real.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10When I'm stuck in this chair,

0:05:10 > 0:05:13I just can't do the things that normal people take for granted.

0:05:15 > 0:05:18So, when's the DLA man coming about your motability car, then?

0:05:20 > 0:05:22I'm not sure, I think I put it...

0:05:24 > 0:05:26I love Ma, of course I love Da.

0:05:26 > 0:05:27Excuse me, Commandante,

0:05:27 > 0:05:31I don't want to interrupt, but I must speak on behalf of myself

0:05:31 > 0:05:32and my campaneros.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Commandante?- Yeah...

0:05:37 > 0:05:41It's just a wee nickname they have for me.

0:05:41 > 0:05:45You should've asked me, love, I've a few nicknames for him and all.

0:05:45 > 0:05:46I see.

0:05:46 > 0:05:50It's like you told us, your mother, she makes jokes at your expense.

0:05:52 > 0:05:53Mother?!

0:05:53 > 0:05:56Their dim but delightful son, Cal.

0:05:56 > 0:06:00Yes, this is Gerry and he's my puppet!

0:06:04 > 0:06:06And even though I've got my hand up his arse,

0:06:06 > 0:06:08we're not connected.

0:06:14 > 0:06:18And then, sin of all sins, Daz, this great Republican,

0:06:18 > 0:06:21his daughter, Dympna, was married to the policeman.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23Not only a Prod, but a policeman.

0:06:23 > 0:06:26We'll have to name the baby after where he was conceived.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28You know, like Brooklyn?

0:06:28 > 0:06:30Aye, you call ours

0:06:30 > 0:06:34back of an RUC Land Rover in a lay-by in Ballyhackamore.

0:06:34 > 0:06:37The Hole In The Wall Gang were not the first comedians

0:06:37 > 0:06:40to take the sacred cows of Northern Ireland out

0:06:40 > 0:06:42and have a laugh at them,

0:06:42 > 0:06:46but this was the first time anyone had done it in our living rooms.

0:06:46 > 0:06:48Hang on, the judge, he'd be on my side.

0:06:48 > 0:06:53I remember him saying, er, Troubles made people like me.

0:06:53 > 0:06:55To be fair, Luke, I think what he actually said was,

0:06:55 > 0:06:58"People like you made the Troubles."

0:06:58 > 0:07:03To have dyed-in-the-wool Loyalists and dyed-in-the-wool Republicans

0:07:03 > 0:07:06laughed at was an enormously refreshing experience.

0:07:06 > 0:07:09It was a refreshing breath of foul air, you know?

0:07:09 > 0:07:10HE SCREAMS

0:07:10 > 0:07:13- What?- English mustard! English mustard!

0:07:13 > 0:07:17In this so-called Irish Republican house.

0:07:17 > 0:07:19It's only mustard.

0:07:19 > 0:07:23It starts with "only mustard", and before you know it,

0:07:23 > 0:07:27you have ceasefires and agreements and Gerry Adams in Downing Street

0:07:27 > 0:07:31copper-fastening partition over tea and scones.

0:07:31 > 0:07:34Well, that's where your English mustard gets you.

0:07:34 > 0:07:37As Ulster's leading Loyalist,

0:07:37 > 0:07:40I attract hugely intelligent followers.

0:07:40 > 0:07:41Like big Mervyn.

0:07:42 > 0:07:44Billy's applied to be a sergeant.

0:07:44 > 0:07:46THEY LAUGH

0:07:48 > 0:07:51- What?- You're going to be a sergeant!

0:07:51 > 0:07:54There's more chance of Mervyn being admitted to Mensa.

0:07:54 > 0:07:55HE LAUGHS

0:07:58 > 0:07:59What?

0:07:59 > 0:08:02I can't live like this for six weeks.

0:08:02 > 0:08:05It's all right, Andy, I'll help you.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07- When I need to eat?- I'll be there.

0:08:07 > 0:08:09- When I need a drink?- I'll be there.

0:08:09 > 0:08:12- When I have to do a shi...? - I'll be going now, then.

0:08:12 > 0:08:14Good luck there!

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Another close friend was Red Hand Luke.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19He was very close.

0:08:20 > 0:08:21Sometimes too close.

0:08:22 > 0:08:25Something happened to me when I was in the jail.

0:08:25 > 0:08:27It changed me.

0:08:28 > 0:08:30I don't want to hear this.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33It happens to a lot of the men in the prison.

0:08:34 > 0:08:35You know?

0:08:35 > 0:08:38I'm sorry to hear that, Luke.

0:08:38 > 0:08:42No, don't be sorry, Andrew. I think you should try it.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46If it's all the same to you, I'd rather...

0:08:46 > 0:08:49I think you should turn...

0:08:50 > 0:08:52..to God, like what I done.

0:08:52 > 0:08:54Oh! God!

0:08:55 > 0:08:59Any episode that involved, er, Pastor Begbie.

0:08:59 > 0:09:01He's an animal, he's a Neanderthal.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03He's behind you!

0:09:03 > 0:09:06The toing and froing was just wonderful.

0:09:06 > 0:09:07Memorable stuff.

0:09:07 > 0:09:10I am not an an-animal, nor a nander-ball.

0:09:12 > 0:09:14These boys are, though.

0:09:15 > 0:09:17Because unlike me,

0:09:17 > 0:09:21they have not taken the Lord Jesus Christ into their hearts,

0:09:21 > 0:09:24which is very bad news for their souls.

0:09:24 > 0:09:28But even worse for you, for your kneecaps, son.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30Politicians, I'm not sure they loved it to bits.

0:09:30 > 0:09:32The Sinn Fein candidate kit.

0:09:34 > 0:09:38It's all here. The black coat,

0:09:38 > 0:09:41the suit with the metal green ribbon.

0:09:41 > 0:09:44Has it got the Lingua Gerry tapes?

0:09:45 > 0:09:47It has.

0:09:48 > 0:09:52In 14 days, you too can be fluent in Gerry Adams.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55Coming from Divis, everybody watched Give My Head Peace.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58It was one of the first things that we kind of could watch

0:09:58 > 0:09:59and make fun of the Troubles about.

0:09:59 > 0:10:04- VOICE ON TAPE:- Repeat after me, Sinn Fein is not the IRA.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08- What?!- Shut up!

0:10:08 > 0:10:11Sinn Fein is not the IRA.

0:10:11 > 0:10:14Now, I noticed you didn't interrupt David Trimble.

0:10:16 > 0:10:19Now, I noticed you didn't interrupt David Trimble.

0:10:20 > 0:10:23I am absolutely pissed off.

0:10:24 > 0:10:30But it all mirrors our society, the tribal thing that we have here.

0:10:30 > 0:10:33There's a problem here, Andrew. There's nowhere to put Santa.

0:10:33 > 0:10:34Well, take that flag down!

0:10:36 > 0:10:38You'd be taking sides there.

0:10:38 > 0:10:41You'd be making a bit of a political statement.

0:10:41 > 0:10:42Take that one down!

0:10:42 > 0:10:45Then you'll upset the other side.

0:10:45 > 0:10:46Well, take both of them down.

0:10:48 > 0:10:50Then you'll annoy everybody.

0:10:50 > 0:10:53Don't be silly, it's Christmas for God's sake,

0:10:53 > 0:10:56they're not going to miss a couple of flags.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59SHOUTING

0:11:01 > 0:11:05Basically, we, the viewers, are laughing at ourselves.

0:11:05 > 0:11:08It's not easy, Mervyn!

0:11:08 > 0:11:10Hold on. I'll give you a hand.

0:11:15 > 0:11:17# Oh...

0:11:17 > 0:11:20# My love...

0:11:21 > 0:11:24# My darling...

0:11:25 > 0:11:28# I've hungered for...

0:11:28 > 0:11:30# Your touch... #

0:11:30 > 0:11:32THEY SCREAM

0:11:35 > 0:11:37BOTH: We're just making pots!

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Whatever.

0:11:39 > 0:11:43My official title was a second assistant director, eventually,

0:11:43 > 0:11:46which basically meant I tried my best

0:11:46 > 0:11:49to coordinate everything for all of our artists

0:11:49 > 0:11:54and the logistics of getting everybody from A to B.

0:11:54 > 0:11:56The glamorous world of television.

0:11:58 > 0:12:02Give My Head Peace, of course, attracted all the big A-list stars.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05George Clooney? Jennifer Lawrence?

0:12:05 > 0:12:07Well, no, more the ones who were available

0:12:07 > 0:12:09for the sort of money we were paying.

0:12:09 > 0:12:13I was in this sort of Twilight Zone episode.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15Julian?

0:12:15 > 0:12:17All right, darling?

0:12:21 > 0:12:23They made a real "mawn" of me,

0:12:23 > 0:12:26you know, coming in with the peace box and everything.

0:12:26 > 0:12:28The audience really were quite shocked, I think.

0:12:28 > 0:12:31Come on, lads, the party's over, sling your hook!

0:12:31 > 0:12:33You married him?

0:12:33 > 0:12:35That poncey presenter?

0:12:37 > 0:12:38What are you talking about?

0:12:38 > 0:12:40My Julian's a riveter down in Harland and Wolff.

0:12:40 > 0:12:43Passing building sites and everything,

0:12:43 > 0:12:46and instead of fellas shouting, "Hey, you big Jessie, you,"

0:12:46 > 0:12:48they were going, "Hiya, Julian, what about you?"

0:12:48 > 0:12:50So I thought, I've arrived at last.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52Well, come on.

0:12:52 > 0:12:55'I robbed the Northern Bank with a wonderful actor'

0:12:55 > 0:12:56called Michael Condron,

0:12:56 > 0:12:59and Billy, the cop, helped us, by accident, to steal the money,

0:12:59 > 0:13:01which he ended up in jail over.

0:13:01 > 0:13:04- Thanks very much, Officer. - Billy. Call me Billy.

0:13:04 > 0:13:06I don't know how we could've done it without you.

0:13:06 > 0:13:08Well, that's the Police Service of Northern Ireland.

0:13:08 > 0:13:10- We're here to help. - And you certainly have.

0:13:10 > 0:13:13Yous actually did give me my first pop on TV

0:13:13 > 0:13:14and I deeply appreciate it.

0:13:18 > 0:13:23This is a normal medical procedure, nothing to worry about.

0:13:23 > 0:13:24Trust me.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26I am a nurse.

0:13:26 > 0:13:27Argh!

0:13:27 > 0:13:29'I didn't realise how big the show was'

0:13:29 > 0:13:31until after I'd done the episode,

0:13:31 > 0:13:34because everybody was stopping and asking me about it.

0:13:34 > 0:13:35Did you have a good evening?

0:13:35 > 0:13:38Very disappointing, Andrew.

0:13:38 > 0:13:40I went for to see Shugo Duncan.

0:13:40 > 0:13:42The way he got the Shugo part

0:13:42 > 0:13:47was from one of his children at school, going to school,

0:13:47 > 0:13:49and he said that was the way they said "Shugo".

0:13:49 > 0:13:54You know, sometimes I'd be sitting there in my cell all alone,

0:13:54 > 0:13:57just thinking about...things,

0:13:57 > 0:14:02getting angrier and annoyed, and then the screws would play...

0:14:02 > 0:14:06HIGH PITCHED # Come down from the mountain, Katy Daly... #

0:14:06 > 0:14:09And everything would be all right again.

0:14:09 > 0:14:13Cos I knew my Uncle Shugo loved me.

0:14:13 > 0:14:17The boys were making some sort of a movie, some sort of film.

0:14:28 > 0:14:31GENTLE MUSIC

0:14:38 > 0:14:40I was...

0:14:40 > 0:14:42Da's love interest type.

0:14:42 > 0:14:44GUNSHOTS

0:14:46 > 0:14:50Goddammit, Blair! Just give me 24 hours!

0:14:50 > 0:14:5224 hours and I can stop this war.

0:14:52 > 0:14:58At one stage, I had to cry because I thought I was going to lose Da.

0:14:58 > 0:15:02Don't do it, Da. They'll shoot you down like a dog.

0:15:02 > 0:15:04Maybe.

0:15:04 > 0:15:05But I got to try.

0:15:05 > 0:15:09Please don't go, Da, I couldn't live if something happened to you.

0:15:09 > 0:15:11MUSIC: As Time Goes by Herman Hupfeld

0:15:11 > 0:15:13So long, kid. We'll always have Paris.

0:15:17 > 0:15:18I played Tonto,

0:15:18 > 0:15:22who was the local driving instructor-joyrider, er, for Ma.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24CAR ENGINE SCREECHES

0:15:24 > 0:15:25Quick, Ma! Get in.

0:15:25 > 0:15:28Could you not have got something in green?

0:15:28 > 0:15:29Come on.

0:15:29 > 0:15:32It's a tenner a lesson, non-refundable if I get caught.

0:15:33 > 0:15:36Nice try! Right, Charlie, I've got one of them.

0:15:36 > 0:15:39It was my first TV part. I'll never forget it.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41Stop! Stop!

0:15:41 > 0:15:43Stop the car!

0:15:43 > 0:15:45- CAR ENGINE SCREECHES - Stop, will you?

0:15:47 > 0:15:50HE RETCHES AND SPLUTTERS

0:15:50 > 0:15:53Well, I appeared on it with George Best at one time,

0:15:53 > 0:15:55and, er...

0:15:55 > 0:15:57It really ended my career in many ways.

0:15:57 > 0:15:59The argument's been raging for years,

0:15:59 > 0:16:02who was the best player in the world? Was it you? Was it Pele?

0:16:02 > 0:16:05Well, actually, Jackie, it was neither of us.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08It was a kid I saw in the '70s.

0:16:08 > 0:16:09His name was...

0:16:09 > 0:16:12Colin, Cal...?

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Cal, that was his name, yeah.

0:16:14 > 0:16:17George had a superb Belfast-Ulster humour.

0:16:17 > 0:16:20- He just loved it. - He was a genius, he was...

0:16:20 > 0:16:23Why he didn't turn professional, I'll never know.

0:16:23 > 0:16:27I suppose he didn't want the money, the fame and the birds,

0:16:27 > 0:16:31but, er... I don't understand it. You've got to admire it, I suppose.

0:16:31 > 0:16:33- I suppose. - GIGGLING

0:16:36 > 0:16:37Don't listen to him.

0:16:37 > 0:16:40Geordie Best, what does he know about football?

0:16:41 > 0:16:44I was the nun and I came in chewing gum, I think,

0:16:44 > 0:16:46if I remember correctly,

0:16:46 > 0:16:49and was really nervous about it, cos I was always behind the camera.

0:16:49 > 0:16:53To suddenly be on the set of Give My Head Peace was a really big deal.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Da goes to Downing Street.

0:16:56 > 0:16:59But the officials insist it's just a get-to-know-you meeting

0:16:59 > 0:17:02to try and improve future relations...

0:17:04 > 0:17:06Well, let me tell you, Blair...

0:17:06 > 0:17:08HE SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY

0:17:09 > 0:17:12See that Cherie Blair? She's one cheeky wee bitch.

0:17:13 > 0:17:16Well, I've worked with Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks,

0:17:16 > 0:17:19Terry George, James Marsh, Yann Demange, but I think

0:17:19 > 0:17:20working with Tim McGarry,

0:17:20 > 0:17:23Damon Quinn and Michael McDowell was, without doubt,

0:17:23 > 0:17:25the highest I've ever got to in my life.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27It was intimidating, actually.

0:17:27 > 0:17:28- AMERICAN ACCENT - Hi, Da,

0:17:28 > 0:17:31I've been practising my Belfast accent with Cal here.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Would you like to hear it? - Oh, aye.- OK.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37HE STRAINS

0:17:42 > 0:17:44AMERICAN ACCENT

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Listen, mucker, do you think I came up the Lagan in a bubble?

0:17:48 > 0:17:52Is this black hack going up the Falls Road?

0:17:54 > 0:17:55Or what?

0:17:59 > 0:18:01- Whenever you're ready. - No, that was it.

0:18:01 > 0:18:05And I have to hand it to the guys for the writing.

0:18:05 > 0:18:09That's just three guys turning out an awful lot of sketches,

0:18:09 > 0:18:11an awful lot of comedy,

0:18:11 > 0:18:15and an awful lot of programmes over a fair clatter of years.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17What is Denis Murray on about?

0:18:17 > 0:18:20He said somebody actually writes this?

0:18:20 > 0:18:22Nobody could write this.

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Is that my line now? Right, OK.

0:18:25 > 0:18:30It was the best time in my professional life, by a long shot.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33And I just hope that you get a series.

0:18:34 > 0:18:37- Thank you very much. Gentlemen... - That must be extra money.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39That MUST be worth extra money.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42# Oh, marching season, marching songs

0:18:42 > 0:18:44# Hitting drums all summer long

0:18:44 > 0:18:47# Sun is out, weather's fine

0:18:47 > 0:18:49# Balaclavas on the line

0:18:49 > 0:18:51# Ah, she says that I says

0:18:51 > 0:18:54# Why don't you give my head some?

0:18:54 > 0:18:56# She says that I says

0:18:56 > 0:19:00# Why don't you give my head some peace! #