0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19MUSIC: Rule The World by Take That
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# Yeah, you and me, we can ride on a star
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# If you stay with me, girl
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# We can rule the world
0:00:30 > 0:00:35# Yeah, you and me, we can light up the sky
0:00:35 > 0:00:38# If you stay by my side...# SHE SIGHS
0:00:38 > 0:00:40# ..We can rule the world. #
0:00:40 > 0:00:42'You're through to Buccaneer 2000 Healthcare.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45'We care about your health and we care about your phone call.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48'You're currently held in a queue. You're number...53.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:51HE COUGHS
0:00:53 > 0:00:57SPORTS NEWS ON RADIO
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Right, let's get a boost for the week.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Come on!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08You're joking!
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- What are you mumbling about, Dave? - This is ridiculous.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15- What?- These deductions they make make no sense at all.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18- 998.17...- Yeah.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- I've done 72 hours.- Yeah.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Look, they've left me with a net pay of 415.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Total deductions - whatever they are - 582.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27It's a joke.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30With my petrol expenses, about 320 quid I made this week.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Oh, no, look at this twat. Simon Jenkins.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I did Planet Hollywood with him.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38He got a 100-dollar tip from Sylvester Stallone.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Look at him now, he's got his own limo company.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44But it's a scam. It's meant to be with celebrities. It's all bollocks.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- He's quite nice-looking. - No, he's not.- Yes, he is.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- He's a twat, look at him. - "Why Iraq may be your next pick up."
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Iraq?- Really?- They're sending people out to Iraq, hang on.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Have they got a Center Parcs in Baghdad? Let's take the kids.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Let's do it. Look at this. "Is it really that dangerous over there?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02"If you look at the stats,
0:02:02 > 0:02:06"you're probably more dangerous to drive around at 1am
0:02:06 > 0:02:08"on a Friday or Saturday night". This is bollocks.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12They haven't been out there. I need to eat, I'm stressed.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15All right. I've got to get the kids up.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Max, Kelly, come on!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19What's wrong with the toaster?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, I don't think they're coming back to me.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24I've been on hold again now for...God knows how long.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27Oh, hello, where have you been?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I've been hanging on for ages.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Yeah, I've burnt me tunic.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Can you replace it?
0:02:35 > 0:02:3632 quid?
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Can you check that? That can't be right.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Yes, I will hold.
0:02:43 > 0:02:4632 quid for a new one of these.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Max, it's for you.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- Hey.- Hey, there you go.- All right, cheers, see you later.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Roxanne's mum's ill, so I've got to take care of Poppy.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Max, what about school?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Max?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Dave, he's not going into school AGAIN.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- So?- He's got to go to school, it's not fair.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21Every time Roxanne's mum's ill, Poppy comes over here.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Why can't Roxanne look after her when her mum's ill?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27But Max loves it. Max doesn't like school, he's like me.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Doesn't like school, so he's happy to be with the baby.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Dave, that has got nothing to do with it.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35It's Roxanne's baby, too. We've got to sort it out, OK?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Hang on a minute.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38DOG BARKS
0:03:38 > 0:03:42I never liked school, I'm with him. I'm with Max.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Have you fed Carpet?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- No, have you?- No.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48DOG BARKS
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Yeah, all right, all right.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53God, you're just like the rest of the family. Eurgh.
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Oh, hang on! Er, yeah, don't put me on hold again...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00No, please!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, bollocks, they put me on hold again.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Where does this go?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08So it IS 32 quid?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13It's hardly a high-fashion item, is it?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- RADIO PLAYS MUSIC - And it wasn't even my fault. - Kelly, no, I was listening to that.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- Kelly...- It wasn't my fault. - Morning!
0:04:18 > 0:04:22I did a double shift yesterday. I didn't get home till nine.
0:04:22 > 0:04:27I had no time to do any preparation of stuff for today.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Well, I know that they don't need ironing,
0:04:30 > 0:04:34but it did, cos it sort of got caught under some stuff.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37What? Can't I have some kind of discount?
0:04:40 > 0:04:44No, and I'm not doing all double shifts next week, either.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47All right just let me look, I can hear...
0:04:47 > 0:04:49MOBILE PHONE BEEPS
0:04:50 > 0:04:53No, it's double shifts again. Yeah.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Yeah, it's not good enough...
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Hello? Hello?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00What did you do there?
0:05:00 > 0:05:01- What?- What?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- You just cut me off.- How?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- I took a photo.- Well, it somehow just disturbed my line...
0:05:06 > 0:05:09No, I sent it on Snapchat, I didn't text it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10You used up the phone signal.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13If you're using a phone with a signal and I'm using the internet...
0:05:13 > 0:05:15You can't use up the phone signal!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You can't sit there and laugh at me, Mr Screwdriver,
0:05:18 > 0:05:20king of the toaster repair.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23You think the phone got cut off because of their Snapchats,
0:05:23 > 0:05:24that's hilarious.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- This is like Mastermind, this is. - Where am I supposed to put that?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- That is a crumb tray, right, see? - Dad.- That is a slot...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- and it goes in it. - I need to go. Someone...
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- I'll do it.- Thank you.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38She can fix a toaster and doesn't know what the internet is.
0:05:38 > 0:05:39There we go.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43- Toaster now works.- Sorry it's a bit of a mess.- Thank you.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- Yoo-hoo.- Oh, hello.- Only me.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- How are you?- Yeah, yeah, well...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59All right. How are you?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Yeah, I'm good, thanks. Yep, fine.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I'm worried about Mum.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Yeah. And?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I don't know, I'm just worried about her, Kim.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10All that way away.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- All that way away?- Yeah. - It's eight miles to Basingstoke.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17It's miserable. Nobody talks to her down there.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20The neighbours don't talk to her. She's... She's lonely.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Cup of tea? - Yeah, I'd love a cup of tea.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Lovely.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Bloody hell.- What? - Damp.- What, that little patch?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34That is a big patch of damp!
0:06:34 > 0:06:38That's just the house crying when it knows you're coming round!
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- Ha-ha-ha(!)- Excuse me... Dave, you are the expert on damp patches.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44I will leave you two to it, cos I've got to get dressed.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- I've got to go to work. - All right, go on.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- But you know I am an expert on wet patches.- Yes, indeedy.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Thank you very much.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Living room, dining room, kitchen, and the extension is here.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00- Brilliant.- Now, the wall you're talking about is right here.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Hmm.- That's where the damp is.- Yeah.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- That's just a few loose flashes, that's going to go.- Brilliant.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09- There you go, are you happy with that?- Fantastic. No, it looks great.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Two rooms.- Yeah.- Great, great.
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Having a lovely chat about Dave's really interesting plans?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- Really...- No, just be great for the family, won't it?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- Extra bedroom, maybe en suite, you were saying.- Yeah.- Yeah, en suite.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25And a great big penis in the corner of room one, I see.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- What are you talking about? - You what?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- Well, who did this?- What's that?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31It's a rather large wash basin.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Who's ever seen a wash basin that shape, Dave?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Who did that? That shows no respect for the plans.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I suspect Max did it.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Why would Max do this? It's stupid.- For a laugh.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- It's not funny.- It is quite funny.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- Well, I'm very excited for you. - Thank you very much.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Right, that's enough of that now, come on.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53- I've got to go.- Everyone's slipping into a coma, Dave.- I've got to go.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- Airport job. See you.- See you. - See you, Jackie.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- See you later, sweetheart. Ta-ra. - Ta-ra, Dave.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14You know, I didn't have any breakfast this morning.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17- Really? Why not?- Well, nobody came.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21- Oh, that's dreadful.- When it was the council, they always came.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I had a packet of biscuits by the bed.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Right.- So I ate a whole packet of chocolate biscuits.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31That is not really much of a breakfast, though, is it?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34No. It really wasn't very filling.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Well, it was, actually, but it was a bit sickly.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41- Now, that should keep you nice and dry...- Thank you, that feels lovely.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Does that feel all right?- Yes. - Let's pop you back in.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- I'll try to find out what happened. That's terrible.- Thank you.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Okey-dokey, good.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55- He's a good guy, apparently. Jenko. - Who? Simon Jenkins?- Yeah.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59You heard about the alleged 100-dollar tip from Sly Stallone?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Course I have.- Oh, give me a break. - It's a story of legend.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Give me a break, I was there! - Were you?- I was there.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10He went round telling us, "I can't believe Sly Stallone's given me 100 dollars.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13"He's going to come back, I'll be his driver whenever he's in London."
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- Yeah, he was his driver. - He built up his whole empire based as one lie.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Everyone knows it was a lie. - It wasn't a lie.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- I tell you, take that back. - How do you know it's not a lie?
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Cos it's a story of legend amongst us drivers.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29That's what we all hope for, that one day Sly Stallone or some...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32You know what? Stallone flew him out
0:09:32 > 0:09:34and he drove for Stallone on Demolition Man,
0:09:34 > 0:09:37right, all of The Expendables.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- That's not true, that is... - It is true, I've heard...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42- ..blatantly not true.- I've heard it from the horse's mouth.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Yeah, of course he's going to tell you that, but...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I was at his table at the chauffeurs' gala.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I was in awe of the man.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- Is that limo his?- Who cares? - It's leased out. All of them are.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Every car... We all work on leased-out cars.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- This isn't your car.- Yeah, but...
0:09:57 > 0:10:00With the money you earn, you own this car? You lease this out.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03He's making out that he's got a massive empire of fleets of cars
0:10:03 > 0:10:06and it's all because of his celebrity contacts.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- You know he went out with Claudia Schiffer?- Ah, bollocks he did. - He did!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12He dumped her and that's why she went out with Matthew Vaughan.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I tell you, she was heartbroken, the poor lass.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17He's a good human being. He's a very good human being.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- How do you know him so well? - I don't know him well. I wish I did.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23He sat at my table at the chauffeurs' ball.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25He was about two people down from me and I was like...
0:10:25 > 0:10:28You just met him the one time?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29I know the stories of him.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32That's who I look up to. That's who I want to be one day.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- My own fleet of cars. - I think you're well on your way.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Thank you, but I tell you, that's the thing with you.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41It's like, I don't want to get to your age and just have one car.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46You and him... What is he? Your age?
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- Bit younger or a bit older than you, Jenko?- We're the same age.- Oh, wow.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54I think you're a bit jealous of Simon Jenkins.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Yeah, maybe I'm jealous of everyone. - You ever been on the beer with him?
0:10:57 > 0:11:02- With Simon? No.- He's choosy about who he keeps his company with.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07Right, anything else I can help you with, madam?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11I would really like some help with my birthday card for my son.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15OK. Right, now, let's start with his name.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- What's your son called?- Simon.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Um, how old is he?- 50.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Oh, my word. OK. Well, let's put "happy 50th", then.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25And will he be popping round?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Um...I don't think so.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I haven't seen him for a couple of years.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38But he'll be round like a shot when I pop my clogs - to sell the house.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Sorry to hear that.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I think you're probably right.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- "Love Mum"?- Yes.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- Kisses?- No.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Right, okey-doke, there you go.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Do you think you could post it for me?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Of course, yeah, no probs. - It's going to need a stamp.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I haven't got any money on me at the moment.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59- Don't worry, I'll sort that out. - Thank you, thank you.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- MOBILE PHONE RINGS - Excuse me, sorry about this.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Max? Well, have you tried winding her?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10(The baby won't stop crying!)
0:12:12 > 0:12:15No, I can't. I can't!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I want to ask you something, seeing as you're Mr Know-All.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22How much is a two-bedroom bungalow in Basingstoke?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Two-bedroom bungalow in Basingstoke?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28I think you're going to be looking at 280, 300.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- How much?- 280, 300. It's nice, Basingstoke.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36- I used to knock off a little bird up that way.- Did you?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Cor, a lovely little thing! Yeah.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- She was a sort. - I got in so late last night.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45My fare kept me waiting till two,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48then he complained that I was asleep!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51What do you mean? What, when he got in the car?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53Yeah, he complained I was asleep, yeah.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Apparently he was ringing me and I...- Why don't you wear them?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Right, you tell me now, what am I doing?
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- You're just sitting there - No, I'm not, I'm sleeping.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- Eyes are closed. You wouldn't know, though, would you?- Oh, wow.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Then when the door goes, I hear the door, "Hello, sir!
0:13:09 > 0:13:12"How are you doing? You all right? Let's get you home."
0:13:12 > 0:13:15That's a good tip. Let me try them on.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19- Look, stick those on.- I think they make it worse, don't you think?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- No, you'll look cooler.- All right, resting bitch-face.- Yeah. Exactly.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25That goes from seeing someone who might or might not have
0:13:25 > 0:13:28just had a stroke, to looking like... You look tough.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30You look like a hard nut like that.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Tell you what, mate... - "I'll be back."
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- What's that?- It's the Terminator.
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Why, when Roxanne's mum is ill, do you always have to look after Poppy?
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Why can't Roxanne do it?
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Yeah, but Roxanne's got the future, I haven't. OK?
0:13:47 > 0:13:51That is rubbish, Max, you've got a future as well.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54That is absolute rubbish.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55GEARS CRUNCH
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- I thought Dad had fixed this bloody gearstick.- Come on.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Why are you always picking on me? I always try and do the best.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- Well, your best isn't good enough, Max!- I try my hardest...
0:14:08 > 0:14:11You need to sort yourself out and start helping out!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13BABY SCREAMS AND CRIES
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Now look what you've done.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22I tell you what, a real pair of Oakleys, them.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- All right.- Do you want them? - These are Oakleys?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29- Yeah, I'd love them, but don't give them... I'll pay...- Oh, no, no.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I can have them? Well, that's... No, I'll give you something.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- No, you have them. - I'll give you something.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- No, if you want them, have them. - That's very kind. Thanks, mate.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I've had them for two years, I've had some good times with them.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45You take them. You have them, mate. For 17. Give us 17 notes.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49- You want how much?- Give us 17 quid for them. Give us 17.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53- I thought you were going to say, like, a fiver.- They're good glasses. Perfect for your face.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57- You genuinely look like Stevie Wonder in them.- I've only got 20.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00I'll give you three quid when I next see you.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04You might as well call it 20 and I owe you a favour, or something.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Get me a coffee some time.- I'm not getting you a coffee!
0:15:07 > 0:15:10That's ridiculous. I'll give you three quid next time I see you.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- I'd rather do that... - Parking's gone up to £10 an hour.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- ..because you're the sort of bloke, who'll go, "Oh..."- Everything's getting too much. It's crazy.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- Everything's too much money. - It's too much, I can't take it.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Keep the three quid. It's fine.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Oh, don't get all narky and start running round saying,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- "Terry owes me three quid." - I'm not getting narky. You said 17,
0:15:29 > 0:15:33- I gave you 20.- And I said I'll give you three quid back.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37I'm not buying you a coffee that comes to 2.95, and then we've got a stupid thing about 5p!
0:15:37 > 0:15:41I would never have a go at you for 5p!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47All right, stay there, I'll be 15 minutes, all right? Tops.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49OK.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Mr Jeffreys!- Hello!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59God, it's so hot in here! Can I just open the door here?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03- Yes, yes, yeah.- Get some fresh air. - Yes, yes, yeah.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07There we are, that's better. How are you doing?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Not too bad.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11What are you doing in bed?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I'm in bed because I have bed sores.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Well, I did say to you that
0:16:16 > 0:16:19if you stay in bed all the time, you will get bed sores.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Can I have a little look, just to check how they are?
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Yeah, yeah, yeah.- Are they hurting?
0:16:25 > 0:16:29Mmm, sometimes, but not all the time.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31See, what you need to be doing is,
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- you need to be lying on the other side.- Oh.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Moving and changing...- OK.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- ..walking about, sitting on the settee.- Yeah.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Let's just have a little look.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Right, well, the surface of the skin's not quite broken,
0:16:45 > 0:16:47but it looks very sore.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- Oh, yeah.- So you need to be really careful, OK?- OK, yeah.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- To get out of bed a bit more. - Yeah.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56PHONE RINGS
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Excuse me just a second.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Hello.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06'Hi, yeah, Mum. Mum, I'm outside.'
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Max, I know you're outside, I saw you a few minutes ago.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Hello! Look! Me! Mum! Hi! How are you doing?
0:17:13 > 0:17:17I've just got a... I have a small problem. The baby's been sick.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22You know it says here, "Why Iraq may be your next pick up."
0:17:22 > 0:17:25God, I tell you what, they've not got it wrong there, mate.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- They've not got it wrong at all there.- Why?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- I'd be going if I had a chance. If someone offered me work. - Would you?- Oh, yeah.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Why aren't you out there now?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37I don't know anyone who lives out there. It's the land of opportunity there. Absolute land of...
0:17:37 > 0:17:41- Iraq is a land of opportunity? - People are...- Have you BEEN to Iraq?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44I wish. I have not, no.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46It's a win-win situation, Iraq.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Well, you know someone out there?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Well, I was there once.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54And I earned seven grand.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- And...- How long were you out there for?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Just two weeks.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03And you're out here driving, what, for a couple of hundred quid a week?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- Yeah, but, Terry, it's dangerous out there.- Oh...- It's dangerous.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10It's not... I tell you what and I'll tell you here.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13That's not you talking, that's Kim talking.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- That's your missus talking there. - Yeah, but I've got kids.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Provide for them, then!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Put them through a private school with that kind of money.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23This is the best thing I've ever heard you say. If I'm honest...
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- You think I should go?- Mate, if I was you, I'd be biting their hand off.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- It wasn't pleasant, mate.- The thing about Iraq is, it's just like anywhere else now in the world.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- No, it's not.- It is. It's the same. Everywhere's the same now.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39You have Starbucks, Burger King... um, Harry Ramsden's.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44- They've got a Harry Ramsden's? - In Baghdad.- In Baghdad?- Yeah.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- They've got an English fish and chip shop?- Mate, everywhere's the same.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50So you haven't got to worry about where you're going to eat,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53because all your favourites are there.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54HE SIGHS
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- You've had breakfast, have you? - Oh, is it breakfast time?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Well, no, it's sort of nearly lunchtime.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Yes, it is breakfast time!
0:19:02 > 0:19:05No, no, it's nearly lunchtime, but I just want to check that the
0:19:05 > 0:19:09breakfast carer came and got some breakfast for you.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10- Can you remember?- Who is she?
0:19:10 > 0:19:14Sheena, her name is. Blonde hair? About 25?
0:19:14 > 0:19:16You can't remember breakfast?
0:19:16 > 0:19:21- I'll get you a sandwich in case you get hungry and I'll get you a cup of tea, all right?- Yes, OK, thank you.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- One sugar?- One sugar, please. - All right.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Stay!
0:19:32 > 0:19:33- Mum?- Yeah.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- Let's have a look. - BABY CRIES
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- Just get it off best you can, all right?- OK.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44She doesn't seem too unhappy about it.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Nah, she's fine.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS
0:19:49 > 0:19:52TELEVISION ON
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Hello.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Well, yes, obviously, I'm really sorry I haven't ATTAINED
0:19:59 > 0:20:01my 12 o'clock care appointment.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Well, I'm running late, aren't I? Everyone's late.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07No-one's filled in for this morning.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10I don't even know if he's had his breakfast or not.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14So it's not just me? Yeah, I know, I'm going, I'm going now, all right?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Yeah. Have you sorted my tunic request?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Can you do that, please? Thank you. No, I'm going to go. I'm going now.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I'm going now. Bye.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Right, Max, I'm going to go and leave you here for a bit, OK?
0:20:25 > 0:20:2925 minutes. Be back in a little while.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31SNORING
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I'm so sorry.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55ENGINE FAILS TO START
0:21:02 > 0:21:04PHONE RINGS
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I'm sorry, sir, that's the missus.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I've got to take this phone call. Do you mind? Is that all right?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Hello, Kim, hi, I'm POB.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- 'The bloody car won't start, all right?'- Yeah, I'm POB.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20'What do you mean, you're POB? What's that?'
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Passenger... You should know! Passenger on board!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Just watch your language. What's up?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28'The car won't start. What am I going to do?'
0:21:28 > 0:21:30What do you mean? I just had the car fixed!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32It's not, Dave, it is not fixed.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I'm sitting in it and it... Honestly.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Nothing's happening. - Listen carefully.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Just pump the accelerator four or five times.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42'Pump it and then turn the ignition.'
0:21:42 > 0:21:45OK, and then try it, yeah?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47ENGINE SPUTTERS
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Nothing.- Sorry about this.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52All right, OK, well...
0:21:52 > 0:21:55'Look, look, I've got to get on to my next person.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57'Can you come and pick me up?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59'You're not that far away, I don't think. Please.'
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I've got a passenger on board now, love.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06TELEVISION: '..96 hours in the air, getting from London to Adelaide.'
0:22:06 > 0:22:08DOOR SLAMS
0:22:08 > 0:22:11God, the bloody car won't start, all right?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13I'm just going to make a call.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18'Now all she needs to do is convince dad Kevin Australia is where they should be.'
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Mum.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Kim.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Your favourite daughter.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26You all right? You... You sound a bit upset.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Mum, that's not possible.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39No, he couldn't possibly have walked in through the door.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Dad died in 2001.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46Oh, Mum, make yourself a cup of tea, OK?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- Have a sit-down. - CAR HORN PEEPS
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Oh, listen, I'm sorry, I've got to go.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54- All right, all right, I'll speak to you later.- Come on!
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- Can you hurry up?- Hurry up? I've got to go via the drop-off.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I'm so sorry about this. You don't mind, do you?
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- Come on, get moving.- All right, got to drop off.- How far's that?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06It's on the way... What's he doing here?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Who?- Hello? - DOG WHIMPERS
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- It's Mr Jeffreys, my patient. - Why's he in the car?- I don't know.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Didn't you even notice him getting in?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16No, I didn't. Just get him out.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18(Jesus Christ.)
0:23:18 > 0:23:19I'm so sorry about this.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22It won't be a second, sir.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27Mr Jeffreys, I'm sorry. Please, can you come out of the car? Please?
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- Oh...- Watch the dog, get the dog!
0:23:29 > 0:23:32You're not coming on the trip with us, I'm sorry.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36Can we just... I'll just take you back to the flat, all right?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39Well done. Mind, there's a kerb here. That's it. Brilliant.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41DOG BARKS
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Just had a text from the company saying that...
0:23:50 > 0:23:53You remember that bloke who was in the car with us I had to drop off?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- You know, when you all piled in? - Yeah.
0:23:55 > 0:24:00He complained that he didn't like the fact other people got in
0:24:00 > 0:24:03and we had a non-agreed route, so they've refunded him
0:24:03 > 0:24:07and I'm going to get fined by the company.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- They're docking my pay.- Oh, I'm sorry, that was my fault, really.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13No, it wasn't, I love you, I'd do whatever you want.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- Oh, Dave, I'm really sorry. I feel terrible.- Yoo-hoo!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- No, it's not your fault, don't worry.- I feel worse now.
0:24:17 > 0:24:22- It's only me!- Oh, hi, Jackie.- I'm not stopping.- Really?- Listen... No.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Did you talk to Mum?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Yes, might have done.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30And?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32I thought she seemed really great(!)
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Oh, all right, I'm kidding.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38All right, OK, she did seem a bit...strange.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- What did she say?- She said that Dad had just come in the front door.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47Do you see what I mean? I've had an idea.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Came to me this afternoon.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54What if - obviously, with Mum's blessing - we sell...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57SHE sells the bungalow in Basingstoke,
0:24:57 > 0:24:59she comes to live with us.
0:24:59 > 0:25:04Six months with me, I'll take her first, obviously! Obviously.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Six months with you. Or we could split it? And maybe seven with me?
0:25:07 > 0:25:11- Whatever. With the proceeds from the bungalow...- Oh, here we go.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Well, it benefits everybody!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Mum's not lonely, which is the most important thing.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19We don't know how long she's got.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22She's got some quality of life before she goes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24And, yes, we benefit as well, but what's wrong with that?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Because we're helping to look after her.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31She would like us to see the benefit of that money. I know she would.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- She is alone. She'd like to spend some time with us.- Course.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- You'd get to finish the extension... Hello, darling!- Hi!
0:25:36 > 0:25:38My little brainbox!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- You all right?- Yeah, I'm good.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42I need my money for after-school club tomorrow.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46All righty. Well, can you just grab that jar there?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48- That's it.- The jar full of notes that owe me money.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51DAVE AND KIM WHISPER
0:25:51 > 0:25:53- Let's see what we've got in here. - Mm-hm.- Tenner.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- Do you want a tenner, did you say? - Ideally. I want to pay for tomorrow
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- and have the money for the week after.- Is that your IOU?- Yes.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- That's Dave's IOU for sweets. - I'll deal with that.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05And that's mine for tights. I can probably manage about a fiver.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Five, that's enough for tomorrow. - Here you are, darling.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- No, Jackie, you don't have to. Seriously.- No, no, no, no. No!
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- Thank you, Auntie Jackie! - My pleasure! You're welcome, darling.- All right.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- You'll get that back.- Thanks, Jacks. - I don't want it back, Dave!
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- I'm a bit short at the moment. - She doesn't want it back, Dave.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Nothing gives me more pleasure. You know I love them kids to bits.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Thanks, Jacks.- That's very kind. - It's no problem.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Now, listen. Think about it. - About selling Mum's house?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Well, you wouldn't have any of those sorts of worries, would you?
0:26:34 > 0:26:37There'd be plenty of money in there and all the other jars.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42Take the pressure off you, you wouldn't have to work so hard. It's just a thought.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- It's a good thought. Thank you very much.- It's a good thought, isn't it?
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Well, all lovely for us, what about you? What would you get out of it?
0:26:49 > 0:26:52I'd get to see mum more. I don't worry about her so much.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55Yeah, Jackie! I can really see that that motivation's uppermost...
0:26:55 > 0:26:57We'll have a little holiday,
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- I'll take her on a couple of little holidays.- And?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02I'll pay off a couple of cards, that'll be great, you know?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04But that's not the major motivation.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07I'm thinking of Mum and I'm thinking of you as well.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09I just think it's worth thinking about.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- So I'm going to leave it there. - That's very kind.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- All right, we'll have a think, thanks, Jackie. Ta-ra.- Ta-ra.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Realistically, how long do you think she's got left?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28I ain't got a clue.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Is that important?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33I just want to know so I can get my head round it.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35CLATTERING OUTSIDE
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Oh, message from the extension there, I think!
0:27:39 > 0:27:45- Right, I'm off.- Blimey! Are you getting up to sort it out?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Erm...airport job.
0:27:47 > 0:27:53Can't afford to say no, because of what happened today, so...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- See you later.- All right, I'll see you later.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58SHE SIGHS
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Oh...
0:28:01 > 0:28:02Dave!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Dave! Dave, hang on, hang on.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12- Post that for me?- Yeah, sure. - Thanks.- No worries. Ta-ra.- See you. - See you later.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Jackie, it's me.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34I've had a think about it.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35We're on.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38# And it's getting better
0:28:39 > 0:28:41# Growing stronger
0:28:42 > 0:28:46# Warm and wilder
0:28:46 > 0:28:49# Getting better every day
0:28:50 > 0:28:52# Better every day
0:28:52 > 0:28:56# Getting better every day
0:28:56 > 0:28:58# It's getting better every day... #