0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15RADIO PLAYS
0:00:33 > 0:00:38- That's weird. No answer.- Who?- Mum.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39At this time of the morning?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42She's normally up by now.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45She's not got long for this world. Let the woman have a lie in.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47How charmingly sympathetic of you, Dave.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- Where's the Marmite?- I don't know.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04I'll just have butter.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Ah, these are amazing things.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Look at these Sat Navs. They know exactly where they are all the time.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Where do you want to go? Let's try...
0:01:19 > 0:01:26..where the Marmite is.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Let's try that. Oh, look at that. Looking for satellites.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31Redhill.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35These things are brilliant.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37You've already got a Sat Nav in the car, though.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Yeah, but they give you a second one.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Yum. A second one? - It looks dry.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Yeah, you get a second one. You've got to rent the second one
0:01:46 > 0:01:49because the one in the car is not always accurate,
0:01:49 > 0:01:53- so you've got to get a second one which I...- That's bollocks.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55It's not because it's not always accurate,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57it's to get a bit more money off you, isn't it?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Yeah, and do you know, I have to rent it.
0:01:59 > 0:02:03So you're going to earn precisely nothing by the end of all
0:02:03 > 0:02:04this stuff. Aren't you?!
0:02:04 > 0:02:07It's part of the deductions. Yeah, I know.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11But it is good. This is better than the one in the car.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13And if I get them competing with each other,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16it's what drives capitalism.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21- Oh, is that right? - Yes. OK, that's it. Two Sat Navs.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Lucky you. Like Two Jags Prescott.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Two Sat Navs Wilde. I'll put that on my business card.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34- Dad, you still haven't sponsored me. - For what?- My spelling bee.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36We're sponsoring spelling bees now?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Well, yeah, it's all online. I've set up an account.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41You just put the money in and it's done. It's easy.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44OK. And what if I don't have any money?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48Well, if you loved me, you would sponsor me.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51If you loved me you'd get your mum to pay for it.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Oh, it's down to me again. Oh, all right, I'll sort it.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- I'll text you the details. - All right, have a nice day.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- Bye.- Take those nails off.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02SAT NAV SPEAKS
0:03:02 > 0:03:05It's gone crazy. It's all in Spanish now.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Si, si, si, I speak Espanol. - I'm going to get dressed.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Do you know how to change the factory settings?
0:03:12 > 0:03:18You what? How do you...? How do you make this stop?
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I can't, I can't, I can't do the...
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Can you do, can you do something with this?
0:03:22 > 0:03:23- Yeah.- Can you make it stop?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26SAT NAV SPEAKS SPANISH
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I can't make it stop, it's not going to work.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30SAT NAV STOPS
0:03:34 > 0:03:35How did you do that?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39That's very good.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41That's very good, actually, I'm very impressed.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43You're not as stupid as you look.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Look, it's saying, "Let's go." - It's only me.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Oh, hello. Where shall we go?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53- The extension's coming on, isn't it? - Oh, thank you.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Right.- Are you all right?- No. - Well, just before you start...- Yeah?
0:03:58 > 0:04:03I phoned Mum this morning and she didn't answer.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- I was on the phone for ages.- Yeah, the battery's flat on her phone,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08isn't it? I keep asking them to charge it up in that home
0:04:08 > 0:04:10but they don't do nothing about it.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I went to see her last night.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15While I was there, I had a word with that skinny one.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18That tall skinny one, Louise. The assistant manager, I think.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20I says, "When's Mum coming home?"
0:04:20 > 0:04:22They said, "No, she's got to stay in the care home.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24"She's not well enough to come..."
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- Because...?- Well, because she's not well enough.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28What do they mean by that?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Well, she's not well enough to be looked after at home,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33she has to stay in a care home for the foreseeable future.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36So they can make more money out of it, that's what they do.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38They keep people in there for longer than they need.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40When it comes to the money, she says to me,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42"So how will you be arranging to pay?"
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I said, "Pardon? What do you mean? We're not..."
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- What's the word? To pay. I said... - We're not paying.- Yeah.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Well, I felt like saying that, yeah, exactly.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55She says, "Oh, no, no, it's your responsibility to pay.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58"Well, it's your mother's responsibility and if your mother
0:04:58 > 0:05:00"hasn't got the money then it's your...the family's
0:05:00 > 0:05:02"responsibility to pay."
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Guess how much? £870 a week.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- What?- £870 a week for the foreseeable future,
0:05:08 > 0:05:12because she doesn't qualify for full medical needs.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15If she qualified for full medical needs, in other words
0:05:15 > 0:05:18if she was worse, then we wouldn't have to pay. They pay.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22Surely there's someone else that we've got to...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Well, she's telling me what she says the situation is,
0:05:24 > 0:05:30and she says the situation is that if we haven't got the money to pay,
0:05:30 > 0:05:34they or somebody can get the money back, forcibly get the money
0:05:34 > 0:05:37back from the sale of Mum's property.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- Wait, hang on a minute. - No, that's what she said.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Shouldn't we just be checking this...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43She's got this smirk on her face, I could have smacked her.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Jackie, it's not her fault. Shouldn't we be checking this out?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48She was enjoying it. Well, no, we are checking it out.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49That's what I've come to tell you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52So I said to her, I said, "I want this on full authority."
0:05:52 > 0:05:55She says, "I will get somebody from the local authority to phone
0:05:55 > 0:05:58"you tomorrow to clarify the situation."
0:05:58 > 0:06:00To put her in a hotel would be cheaper, wouldn't it?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- Oh, I don't know. - Air B&B or I don't know, Expedia?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I've got to go, I'll let you two talk about it, I've got to go.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- All right, good luck. See you later. - Thank you, David.- Yeah, ta-ra.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Full medical needs.- Well, look, we...- I says to her,
0:06:13 > 0:06:15"How many medical needs do you want?" I says to her.
0:06:15 > 0:06:20She's had a stroke. She's on the cusp of dementia, isn't she?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22She gets migraines, she gets stomach trouble.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25She's got about ten medical needs already.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37I mean, I know it's a little while ago now but we've got quite
0:06:37 > 0:06:40a lot of the money left over from the sale of Mum's bungalow.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Have you?- You must have quite a bit.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46We'll just have to pool that and unfortunately we'll have to use that
0:06:46 > 0:06:47to pay for her care.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50We'll just split it right down the middle.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53We haven't got that much. I need to make a list of things
0:06:53 > 0:06:57- that we need to do.- Er, rewind. What... You haven't got that...
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- We haven't got that much. I can't... - Define that much.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- How much have you got? - Can I come with you?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- We'll just talk in the car? - Come to work with me?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06No, just, I'll stay in the car. We'll just chat in the car.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07- That is ridiculous.- Please.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- £870 a week, right? That's times four.- Yes.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Well, look, let's round it up because we don't know exactly.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19That's 30... So if Mum lives for a...
0:07:21 > 0:07:24If Mum lives for a year. She could live for ten years...
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Jackie, excuse me. Don't do the Grim Reaper calculation thing.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Well, I'm just saying, if she does...
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Oh, yeah, if she lives for under a year
0:07:34 > 0:07:37we might be able to have a holiday in the Seychelles.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39That is outrageous.
0:07:39 > 0:07:4430 grand a year. How much you got left?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47How much have you got left? I might ask you the same question.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50If I tell you, will you tell me?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54- Yeah, go on, then.- Who's going first?- You.- Have I got to?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56How much have you got left, Jacks?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01I mean, I just... I can't get rid of this.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- It's making this noise. - What's it doing?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- I just... I... It's got the wrong language.- Give it here.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08This is my old one.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10No, I just got that new from the company today.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13That's not, this isn't.... This is about five years old, this thing.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- Is it?- Yeah, this is an old one, this.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18They try and force these things on people,
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- say you've got to have them and they say...- I just can't...
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- You know you've got a Sat Nav in the car?- Yeah, of course,
0:08:23 > 0:08:25that's the whole point, we're supposed to have two.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Why do you need two Sat Navs? - I don't know why.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- You don't need two Sat Navs. - I thought you could just put them
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- both in and put the address in both and...- And then whoever's
0:08:33 > 0:08:35in the back thinks you definitely don't know what you're doing.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- That's true.- Everyone's going to say, "Why's he got two Sat Navs?"
0:08:38 > 0:08:40You should... Number one, you don't need...
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- You shouldn't need a Sat Nav. - You don't need two Sat Navs.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44You shouldn't need any Sat Navs.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47What you talking about? Everyone needs a Sat Nav.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Do you think that David Beckham has a Sat Nav
0:08:50 > 0:08:51to tell him where the goal is?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- You're telling me you don't use a Sat Nav?- No.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- You must use a Sat Nav. - My head's like an atlas.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00At 12 years old, I decided I wanted to be
0:09:00 > 0:09:02a driver for a living, right?
0:09:02 > 0:09:03That's what I wanted to do.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05So, where other kids were out playing football
0:09:05 > 0:09:12and out reading books, I'd sit there and I'd study the roads of England.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- And that's why I'm so good as a driver.- So it's all up there?
0:09:15 > 0:09:20Yeah. I'm a Sat Nav. I should literally start licensing.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22No, if you can get that fixed for me because it's driving me...
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- I'll fix it for you. - It's driving me up the wall.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Let me get this, put that voice in. That's a funny one.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28- SAT NAV:- 'Turn right ahead...'
0:09:28 > 0:09:31If you're going to need the Sat Nav, you might as well...
0:09:31 > 0:09:32- Who's that?- It's Mr T.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- SAT NAV:- 'Quit your jibber jabber. Turn left...'- Is that Mr T?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Yeah, well, it's not Mr T, it's someone who's doing an impression
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- of Mr T, but customers like that one.- I can't have that.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43I can't have a second rate Mr T driving us around.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Well, Mr T himself isn't going to do Sat Navs, is he?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47He's a multi-millionaire.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49He's one of the most successful actors of his generation.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52He's not going to start going around going, "Oh, what you doing now, Mr?"
0:09:52 > 0:09:56You can't use language like that. Get me something else.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Oh, you are fussy about these things, aren't you?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Right, Jacks, I'd be a little bit careful where you
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- put your hands when we're in there. - Why?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07She's got a bit of an issue with hygiene, yeah?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Oh, blimey, all right.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- Good morning, Mrs Williams. - Oh, good morning.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- Hello, do you remember me? Kim. - Yes, that's right, Kim.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Nice to see you.- Nice to see you too.- How are you doing?
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Oh, not too bad. Sort of on and off, you know.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- But today's a good day.- Good, can I just introduce...
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- This is my sister, Jackie.- Hello, Jackie.- Hello, Mrs Williams.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- Your sister?- Yeah, she's... I know we're quite different, aren't we?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35She got the looks, I got the body.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37LAUGHTER
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Right, I'm just going to sort your bed out, OK?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41OK, thank you, thank you, yes.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- I'll just go and give her a hand. - All right.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- She's got bruises. - I know, I've seen them.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Well, they're terrible.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Oh, come on, Jacks. You've only been here five minutes. What do you know?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Well somebody's been...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I know, but for all we know, there could be ten different
0:11:21 > 0:11:23explanations for it.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26You've obviously fixated on the violent, dramatic one.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28But I just need to have a think about it
0:11:28 > 0:11:30and ask her a few more questions, all right.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Don't worry about it, it's fine. - Well, it's you I'm worried about.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Why?- What if she says it was you?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- She's not going to do that. - Isn't she?- No.- Is she not a bit...
0:11:39 > 0:11:42She could report you. She could report you.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45She won't report me. It's nothing to do with me.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48But thanks for your concern. It has been noted.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Oh, thanks. That's really helpful. Really helpful.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00You could get enough money, I've figured out, if you went and
0:12:00 > 0:12:02did a month's work in Iraq. You could earn enough money
0:12:02 > 0:12:04to get you out of hock, to live a...
0:12:04 > 0:12:07To take the kids and Kim away on holiday.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Go to Spain or somewhere ritzy.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Go somewhere nice, you know what I mean?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13So have I got it wrong, have I?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I could be making more than four grand a week?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Mate, I've done some digging about.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- You could be making 12 grand a week. - 12 grand a week?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Take home. They don't pay tax over there or VAT.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- That's all cash in your sky rocket. - But doing what though?
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Security and driving. You go in with a really high bid.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Yeah, but you see I've heard this. I know.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Because there are certain... There are different levels of danger...
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- I tell you what...- When I was there, I was at level three.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38You're talking about level one.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Level one is the most dangerous job you could do.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44That's the 12 grand and I'm not sure I could do that.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46You've seen the videos, people getting wiped out.
0:12:46 > 0:12:4919,000 people killed last year, mate. 19,000.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52You are... You know what you're really good at, is excuses.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- You've got an excuse for everything. - But you're talking about level one.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Your car stinks, Dave. Oh, because someone else ate in here.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00There's always other people to blame. There's a saying...
0:13:00 > 0:13:04You'll never ever, ever, ever be happy if, number one,
0:13:04 > 0:13:07you don't unleash your full potential and you're always blaming
0:13:07 > 0:13:09other people for your problems.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Yeah, but Terry, we're not playing Russian roulette with my life here.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Oh, for God's...- Four grand is OK. - It's exaggeration, it's...
0:13:15 > 0:13:1912 grand is level one maximum danger.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Right, it's the same thing as safari.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23You go to safari and everyone goes, "Don't get out of the car
0:13:23 > 0:13:26"and don't go near any of the wildlife, they'll kill you."
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Do you know what I did when I was there?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I jumped out the back of the little jeep I was in,
0:13:30 > 0:13:33walked up to a lion, stroked its mane. No problem.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I tell you, I was like, well, everyone's really exaggerated this,
0:13:36 > 0:13:37there's not a problem with it at all.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39You got out and you fed the lions?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43I didn't feed him, I stroked his mane, jumped back in the jeep
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- and I was like, "Drive off." - Why am I even listening to this?
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- This is unbelievable.- What I'm saying to you, is people will
0:13:48 > 0:13:51constantly tell you... Because what it is, mate, it's the government.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53The government want you to be scared. It's Iraq, mate,
0:13:53 > 0:13:54you've been out there.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- I'm not terrified, I'm just not a fucking idiot.- Well...
0:13:57 > 0:14:01I'm not going to go out there for 12 grand a week. Jesus Christ.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04For four... That's more money... You could buy a house with that.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08And what's in the contract? Oh, erm, security guard may die.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- You know.- Is that what it says in the contract?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Death may be... No, that's at level one.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Level one, high risk danger. You have to sign that contract.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20You could be driving around in town in this thing
0:14:20 > 0:14:22and a big old lorry hits you. And you're dead anyway.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26And you're doing it for 300 quid a week or whatever you're getting.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Something's going to kill you, Dave.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31And what you've got to do is look inside yourself and go,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34"Do you want to be a rich dead man or a poor dead man
0:14:34 > 0:14:37"that no-one really respects?"
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Because all the boys here are going to respect you a lot more
0:14:39 > 0:14:41when you come back to work here.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43You won't be like, "Oh, here's Dave who never buys a coffee.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45"Here's Dave who doesn't really like football.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49"Here's Dave who's always doing his stupid movie quotes that none of..."
0:14:49 > 0:14:51People will go, "There's Dave. He's just got back from Iraq."
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- All right, so...- And literally Little Greg, Darren, Tariq, me,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58we'll all have a new-found... You'll be welcomed into our group.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00It's win, win.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03If you go out there and don't get killed, you earn a fortune.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07If you go out there and get killed, your family get well paid.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10You've got to look at it, mate. It's the best opportunity...
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Look, I'm sorry to say this, right.
0:15:12 > 0:15:17You're carrying a bit of weight, you're in your 50s, right?
0:15:17 > 0:15:22Life has handed you shitty card after shitty card.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25All of a sudden, all those shitty cards have suddenly
0:15:25 > 0:15:27transferred into 21.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29What you going to do? Twist or stick?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- What's this one like, Kim? - Oh, he's quite independent.- Oh.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- Lives on his own. - Mm, what's his name?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- Mr Whyte.- Mr Whyte. - Oh, that's a bit weird.- Is it?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- Well, the door's not normally open. - Right.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Mr Whyte?
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Mr Whyte?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Oh, my God, Kim.- What? - Look at the mess.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Oh, God, that's nothing, honestly.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01It's terrible. Shall I clear it up or what?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04No, no, we haven't got time. Mr Whyte?
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- I'd better phone, actually. - Oh, all right.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- If he's gone walkabout, which he does do from time to time.- Does he?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11- Can you just pop upstairs for me? - What, see if he's up there?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- And have a look in the bedroom. Yeah.- Oh, all right.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Erm, he's a bit of a merchant banker on occasion.- Is he?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Yeah.- What's he doing living here if he's a merchant banker?
0:16:21 > 0:16:23No. Merchant banker. I've caught him a couple of times.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Oh, my God, Kim.- Just have a look in the bedroom, will you? And then...
0:16:26 > 0:16:29But what if he's...? I can't go in there if he's...
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Yes. Well, no, don't go in there, just have a look.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Not if he's doing that to himself. - See if he's in there. He won't be.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Won't he?- No.- Bloody hell.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Go on, off you go.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Mr Whyte?
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Mr Whyte?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Mr Whyte?
0:16:49 > 0:16:53It's Jackie, it's Kim's sister.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Oh.- Hello, it's Kim Wilde here.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I've just arrived at Mrs Whyte's. His front door's open
0:17:07 > 0:17:10and he's not here. I don't know what you want to do about that.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Can you call me back? Thanks, bye.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- He's not there, Kim.- Oh. - Thank God for that.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- Jacks...- What?- I was only mucking about. It was a joke.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24I was only winding you up.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Anyway, look, Buccaneer are going to call me back, all right?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29That is not funny, Kim. My heart was pounding.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Sorry, all right?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35PHONE BEEPS
0:17:35 > 0:17:42Oh, hi, yeah. Right, good, yeah, OK, will do. Bye.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- OK, we can move on. They're calling the police.- Oh.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49We can get going. Oh, Mr Whyte.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Mr Whyte, where have you been? Come on, come back in.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00PHONE RINGS
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- That could be them, Kim.- Oh, OK. - It's the local authority.- OK.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- All right, hang on, I'll put it on speaker...- All right.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13- Hello.- 'Hiya, hiya, how's it going?' - Oh, hello love, yeah, fine, fine.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- Yeah, everything's fine. - 'Oh, good, good.'- You all right?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18'I've got good news. Yeah, I've got good news. I've booked the car in
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- 'for Tuesday. Service on Tuesday.' - Oh, great, that's great, Stu.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I'll put it on the calendar when I get home all right?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27'Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute. I'm going to have to go.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- 'All right, I'll speak to you later.'- All right love, ta-ra.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31'Bye-bye, bye.'
0:18:35 > 0:18:39That is very good news, isn't it?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- How long is he going to be? - 'I've just spoke to him,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- 'he's been delayed.' - Yeah, I've been circling
0:18:43 > 0:18:44The Grosvenor the last hour.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47'Have you got problems with the ticketers or something?'
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Yeah, the wardens are being an absolute nightmare.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51- They're just a joke.- 'Well, just get a fucking meter then.'
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- No, do you know how much parking is around here?- '£6 an hour.'
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Yeah, well. it's gone up. - 'Well, you'll just have to pay it.'
0:18:57 > 0:18:58No, I'm not paying it, mate.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00'OK, well that's your choice, I'm not advising you on that.'
0:19:00 > 0:19:03- Just let me know when he's coming out, all right?- 'OK, will do.'
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Jesus Christ.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Mrs Popat, I'm really sorry we're running a bit late today.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I apologise.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27I don't mind. I wish you would be even later.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31It's so long till bedtime without company.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I feel terrible now, I wish we could stay a bit longer.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Today, I'm just going to have to leave you a sandwich, all right?
0:19:37 > 0:19:40We'll pop the mask back on and next time we'll try
0:19:40 > 0:19:42and stay a bit longer.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46Alrighty? Take care. All right? See you next time.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- Bye.- Bye.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16- You all right, sir?- Yeah.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17SPANISH SAT NAV SPEAKS
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- ENGLISH SAT NAV:- 'At the end of the road, turn left, then turn right.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22'Keep left.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29'After 200 yards, then turn right.'
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- Running late. sir?- Yeah.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38It's not good to be late, not in my line of work, sir.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39I'm always early.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43You want me there at nine, I'll be there at half past eight.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Might be running late myself tonight.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51Got my kid's spelling bee tonight, five o'clock.
0:20:51 > 0:20:56And you know what? She wants money. They want money as well.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58There's some Just Giving page.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02It's called Kelly's Spelly. You've got to give money now.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05You can't just go along and support these things,
0:21:05 > 0:21:06you've got to give money.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Kelly's Spelly. I'm talking too much, I'm sorry.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12I won't bother you.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15'After 50 yards turn right, then at the end of the road...'
0:21:18 > 0:21:25- Kim.- Yeah.- I always thought they had like, big, you know, really big,
0:21:25 > 0:21:30what do they call it? Extended families, Indians.
0:21:30 > 0:21:36You know, and they're all kind of, like they're all helping each other.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38All the kids, all the grandkids, all the...
0:21:38 > 0:21:42That's what I always thought. And that poor Mrs what's-her-name.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- Mrs Popat.- Where's all her...? Mrs Popat.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49What...? Where's all her family?
0:21:51 > 0:21:55Well, maybe she's truly adapted to the British way of life
0:21:55 > 0:21:57and her family are ignoring her,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00like British families ignore their elderly.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Possibly, dunno.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- SAT NAV:- 'You have reached your destination.'
0:22:12 > 0:22:14There you go, sir, can I just give you my card?
0:22:14 > 0:22:18Is that all right? It won't take a second, it's just here.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Little card, thank you very much. Thank you.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Thank you very much.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29SPANISH SAT NAV SPEAKS
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Hey, Kelly.- It's a celebration. - We celebrated.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I'm so sorry I'm late. Kelly, Mum said you won. Well done.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- I'm so proud.- I did it. Yay! - I'm so sorry I'm late.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08That's all right, I understand.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11There was some idiot who kept me waiting for five or six hours.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14You know what it's like. Hello, Poppy. Poppy... Da-da-da-da.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15BABY CRIES
0:23:15 > 0:23:17She likes that when I do that normally.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- Yeah, can you not do that again? - You're scaring her.- It's all right.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23- Yeah.- All right. then. let's... No, no, Poppy, Poppy, it's OK.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30She doesn't like you very much.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32- It's not helping, is it?- No.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36- Oh, look at that, she's calm now. - Oh, that's good.- You're calm now.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Don't look at her too long.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- No, don't look at her. - I won't look at her.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Ah, you looked at her.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43KNOCK AT THE DOOR
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- Kim.- Hello, all right?
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- No.- What's wrong?- I spoke to her.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Spoke to who?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Bitch from the local authority.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Jackie, that's a horrible word, bitch.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07She was a bitch. She was absolutely horrible.
0:24:07 > 0:24:14Rude and cold. Anyway, she says it's true.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17What, the money business?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20We've got to... We've got to give it all back.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24- From the sale. From the sale of the bungalow.- Right.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Whatever happened, they want it all back.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29She called it...
0:24:29 > 0:24:35deliberate, oh, God, deliberate deprivation.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Deliberate deprivation of assets,
0:24:37 > 0:24:42as if, you know, as if we had deliberately set out...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Sold mum's bungalow. Which we did.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Yeah, but we didn't deliberately set out to take
0:24:47 > 0:24:49the money off the council, did we? Because we didn't know
0:24:49 > 0:24:51that she was going to have a stroke.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53You did this for selfish reasons, mainly.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56It was nothing to do with Mum, it was to pay off your debts
0:24:56 > 0:24:58and to buy yourself a few nice things.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02It's gone tits up and now we have to face the consequences.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05You agreed to it. Dave agreed to it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Mum agreed to it.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09We didn't know she was going to have a stroke.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Well, me and Dave will just have to cough up some of the money
0:25:12 > 0:25:15that we were going to spend on our very, very luxurious...
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- I'm so sorry. - Oh, Jackie, for Christ's sake.
0:25:19 > 0:25:25- I don't want you to spend all your money on...- On what?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27It's not fair to pay for Mum's care, you shouldn't have to
0:25:27 > 0:25:30pay for Mum's care, we shouldn't have to pay for it.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32We're not paying for it all, you're going to pay for half of it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35- I haven't got anything.- Well, you'll have to go to bloody work then,
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Jacks, won't you? Like the rest of us.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39I can't go back to work. I'm too stressed.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41I'm not going back to all that bullying.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- I can't go back to that bullying. - Well, go and work somewhere else.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52So, basically, the bottom line, Dave,
0:25:52 > 0:25:56is we've got to pay for Mum's care.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03Dave, don't drop off when I'm trying to talk about serious things.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Did you hear what I said?- Yeah.
0:26:07 > 0:26:14- What did I say?- You said something about the extension.
0:26:14 > 0:26:19Oh, Jesus. No, I said we have to pay for Mum's care.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Well, I've made a call.
0:26:22 > 0:26:28- What sort of call? - About a job in Basra.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30You're joking.
0:26:30 > 0:26:35Six weeks. 1,500, 1,500 a week plus bonuses.
0:26:36 > 0:26:41And what's the bonus? That you're not dead at the end of six weeks?
0:26:41 > 0:26:42It'll sort us out.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Have either of you put £50 on my spelling bee account?
0:26:45 > 0:26:47What for?
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Someone donated £50.
0:26:49 > 0:26:55- No.- No? Well, someone has.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57This may come as a bit of a surprise to you,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00but, you know, I did miss the spelling bee so...
0:27:03 > 0:27:06It wasn't me. Who could it be? Could it be Jackie?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Not Jackie, no way.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12I don't know who it was. £50.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- It could be the bloke I was driving around today.- You what?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Yeah, the one who kept me waiting, the one who made me
0:27:18 > 0:27:21miss the spelling bee. He didn't say nothing, he just took...
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Did he look like he'd put £50 in?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25He did, he looked like he'd put £50 in there.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Well, isn't that lovely?
0:27:27 > 0:27:29That's pretty nice.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33- Surprisingly nice, yeah. - Yeah. Cool. Thanks, Dad.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37There you go, you happy now? There you go. 50 quid.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- What a lovely thing to do. - I drove him around all day.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43That's at least £100 to me, and I thought, give me a tip.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45He didn't give me anything.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- He gave me nothing and he gave her 50 quid.- Well...
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Isn't that a bit weird to you?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52When she's asleep, get the money out of her piggy bank.
0:27:52 > 0:27:56I might do that. I think that's weird.
0:27:56 > 0:28:00That's why I'm going to Basra, because I'm no-one's lackie.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02When I'm out there I'm my own man. I'll do my own thing.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04And you know what? With bullets flying around...
0:28:04 > 0:28:07And it's not that bad, by the way.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09- Yeah, don't tell me any more now. - Do not worry.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14No, but I'm telling you, I will feel like I'm doing something for myself.
0:28:14 > 0:28:15I'm going.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18There, you see, so things work out in the end.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Everything looks like... When I go to Basra, it'll work out.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Because life, essentially, is positive.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28Look at us, two negatives, get a positive.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Is that right?
0:28:31 > 0:28:33- SAT NAV:- 'You have reached your destination.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35'You have reached your destination.'
0:28:35 > 0:28:38# The rain will fall and the wind will blow
0:28:41 > 0:28:44# Sometimes your life will need a crutch
0:28:48 > 0:28:53# A little house on the Prairie, or a home on the range
0:28:57 > 0:28:59# Is that asking too much? #