0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Goodnight Sweetheart Sweetheart
0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Till we meet tomorrow
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Goodnight sweetheart Sweetheart
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Sleep will vanish sorrow
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Dreams enfold you
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# In each one I hold you
0:00:20 > 0:00:26# Goodnight sweetheart, goodnight! #
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Almost there.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Dad, the world's going to end and we're missing the programme!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35War's no laughing matter, Michael.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Especially with these atomic bombs.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40Well, there's only one thing for it.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Percussive maintenance.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47REPORTER: Reports indicate that Mr Khrushchev has issued an order
0:00:47 > 0:00:51to start dismantling the USSR's nuclear missile bases in Cuba.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Oh, thank God!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56SHE LAUGHS
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Oh, Gary! Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01The Russians have backed down.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I told you normal service would be resumed, didn't I?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06You did, Gary. You were right about Cuba.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Just like you were right about Suez and the Berlin Wall.
0:01:10 > 0:01:15And skiffle. I never saw that coming.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Well, sometimes I get lucky, you know?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Oh, don't be so modest.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20You're a proper Gypsy Rose Lee.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22She was a stripper, Reg.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Well, then the other one, who tells your fortune over Petticoat Lane.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Gypsy Rose Levy?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30That's the girl.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31HE CHUCKLES
0:01:31 > 0:01:35You know what? All this nuclear brinkmanship's made me quite peckish.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38What's for tea? Rissoles.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Again?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41If you don't like my cooking.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No, no. I just thought. Well, who fancies fish and chips?
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Me. Always.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Can't get enough of it. Well, it is brain food, Uncle Reg.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Cheeky monkey!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51What about the dog? He's already eaten.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I mean his walk.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Oh, sorry.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Come on then, Ron. Walkies.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01There we go.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Rissoles! Again!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19I'd kill for a lamb pasanda.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Or crispy duck and pancake.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Or an American hot with extra hot. Ah...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I love Phoebe and Michael.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36RON WHINES All right, and you.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I'm so bored!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41And I'm missing out on so much.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45In the 21st century, they've probably landed on Mars,
0:02:45 > 0:02:48cured cancer, and achieved European unity.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52If only I could get back.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Get back to where I once belonged.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Erm... Big David Bowie fan.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Come on, Ron.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Hurray for the Swinging '60s.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48That was quick. Did you get me a gherkin?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Sorry, I got sidetracked.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Did you remember I like my haddock with the skin off?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54You didn't remember anything.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57You're starting to lose your marbles in your old age, Gary, my son.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58I'm only 52.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Only till next week.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04We staggered through streets of dust and death.
0:04:04 > 0:04:09Our brains boiling in the mushroom madness of pitiless plutonium.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14What are you on about?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16It's a poem I wrote. It's called Pain.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I'm going to send it to the New Statesman.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I knew we should have apprenticed you to Sid the plumber.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25How could I forget my own birthday?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Well, they do come around pretty fast at your age, Dad.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Maybe I'm suffering from delayed brain damage.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34My mum always said I was dropped on my head as a baby.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Not you and all?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44No point in worrying about it, love.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Can't turn the clock back, can you?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54I don't need to turn back the clock, do I, Ron?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58I need to be at St Mary's Hospital next Thursday.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Because that's the day that I have been born.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18BABIES CRY
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Mint Imperial?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Don't mind if I do.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Your first, is it? Yeah.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Yeah, normally buy Polos.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I meant your first child.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Right, yes.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05George Sparrow. Gary Lineker.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07That's funny. Is it?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Why? We're going to call it Gary.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13If it's a boy. Well, let's hope it is, then.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Terrible name for a girl.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I'll drink to that.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Better not. Got the car outside so...
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Me and all. What's that got to do with the price of fish?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32No, I mean, you want to keep your wits about you because...
0:06:33 > 0:06:37..between you, me and the X-ray machine, when my last was born here,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40the midwife nearly dropped him on his head.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43So this time, I'm going to be in there with my wife,
0:06:43 > 0:06:45right by her side. You mean...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48While it's all...
0:06:48 > 0:06:51While it's all coming out?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Well, the way I see it, if you were there at the conception...
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Oh, yeah. Course I was! Why?
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Who's been talking? ..you should be there at the delivery.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02WOMAN SCREAMS
0:07:04 > 0:07:07That sounds like my Gladys.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09GLADYS: George!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12George! She needs you, George!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15George, get in there! Get in there now
0:07:15 > 0:07:17and make sure they don't drop me on my head.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20BABY CRIES
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I suppose this is the excuse for a father.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31And you are?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37The excuse for an uncle.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Then you can say hello to your new nephew.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41No, I...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18...you shouldn't let that man treat you that way, you know...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26...to Myanmar...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Excuse me.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Sorry, excuse me. Could I just ask...
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Sorry, excuse me, could you...
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Yes, pal?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Yes, mate?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30What happened to those phone boxes?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Ah, nobody uses phone boxes these days, innit?
0:09:32 > 0:09:33I do. Oh! You ain't got a phone?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35No. Then you've come to the right place, bruv.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39I can do you a recon smartphone for 50 quid.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42A smartphone? Or a dumb phone.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45If all you want to do is like talk to people!
0:09:47 > 0:09:48What else would I want to do with it?
0:09:48 > 0:09:52Well, duh. E-mail, video, Facetime, Spotify, podcasts...
0:09:52 > 0:09:55No, I just. ..Twitter, Snapchat, Tinder.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Or Grindr, if that's what floats your boat.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01No, I just need... Instagram, Angry Birds, emojis, Kindle.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06No, I just need... Fish Brain, Right Move, Dropbox, WhatsApp...
0:10:06 > 0:10:07I'll call you back, yeah?
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Where have you been, bruv?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Away. Ah, what, like inside?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21How long for? What year is it now?
0:10:21 > 0:10:242016. 17 years.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Bro... Long stretch.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Respect.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I just need a phone to call a friend.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Ah, yeah, sweet. You can use my phone if you want, bruv.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Oh, thank you.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Where's the keyboard?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Oh, you just tap the icon.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46The icon. Tap the... Pass it here.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47I'll do it.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49What's his number?
0:10:49 > 0:10:5104372...
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Nah, bruv. It can't be. All mobiles start with 07.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Since when? Since forever.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57What? They let you out, did they?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Are you sure you didn't escape?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Have you Googled him? Well, of course not.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05We're just good friends. No, no, no, no.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06What's his name?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Ron. Ron Wheatcroft.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Ron. No Ron-Ron Wheatcroft.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Better idea. Try Lady Yvonne Sparrow.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16You know Evil Yvonne?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Evil Yvonne? Yeah! She's like a dragon, ain't she?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22She wasn't easy to live with, but I don't think...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24No, no, no. Dragons' Den.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27It's this TV programme where poor people come on with all their dreams
0:11:27 > 0:11:30and rich people make them cry. It's on YouTube.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Which is what? Mate, are you sure you weren't in Guantanamo Bay?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38We've seen some bizarre inventions on this programme,
0:11:38 > 0:11:41but this one really takes the biscuit.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45You're wasting my time, the Dragons' time, and the viewers' time,
0:11:45 > 0:11:49because there is no way this thing'll ever get off the ground.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54I'm out.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01No sign of your dad?
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Nobody's seen him all day.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Probably doing his secret work.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07What secret work? Well, he was a spy, wasn't he, in the war?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10For us, not for them.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Dad was a songwriter in the war.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13That was just his cover.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15He did write songs.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Lovely songs.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20# I can fly higher than an eagle
0:12:20 > 0:12:24# For you are the wind beneath my wings... #
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Personally, I always preferred Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Hit me! Hit me!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33HIT ME!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37And after that, he just gave it all up.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39He said he'd been abandoned by his moose.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Not his moose, Reg.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46His muse. I wish I had dad's talent.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Everyone's starting up groups.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52There's this new one I heard last night on Radio Luxembourg, The Beatles.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It was really different. It was like...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56PLAYS LOVE ME DO ON MOUTH ORGAN
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Where did you get that? I swapped it for a fountain pen.
0:13:04 > 0:13:05I hope you gave it a good rinse.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07What's wrong with leaving the ink in?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I meant the mouth organ. It'll be full of germs.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I've heard it before. Play that bit again.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17PLAYS LOVE ME DO
0:13:18 > 0:13:21# Love, love me do
0:13:21 > 0:13:25# You know I love you... #
0:13:25 > 0:13:26How do you know that song, Uncle Reg?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29One of your dad's. We used to sing it down the shelter
0:13:29 > 0:13:31when the doodlebugs were coming over.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Dad's finally sold one of his songs?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Oh, I bet he didn't sell it.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Knowing his luck, they stole it.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Wouldn't be the first time. It would not, Reg.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Half the songs in My Fair Lady were nicked off your dad.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50It's "I Could Have Danced All Night" all over again.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Is this Dragons' Den?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Why? What have you invented?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02A silly hat?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I'm here to see Lady Sparrow.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Oh, is she expecting you, sir?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Hardly. But I think she'll want to see me.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11I am her husband.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Well, in that case, can I ask you to wait over there?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16With the other husbands.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28HORN BEEPS
0:14:28 > 0:14:29You stupid...
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Gary! Ron?
0:14:38 > 0:14:44Oh, my God! When did you land?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Today. An hour ago.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49How? It doesn't matter.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51It never made sense anyway.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53And it's your birthday.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56You remembered. Oh, every year, Yvonne and I
0:14:56 > 0:14:58crack open a bottle of champagne
0:14:58 > 0:15:00and raise a glass to the best man we ever knew.
0:15:00 > 0:15:04Really? Of course not, you duplicitous egomaniac!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06You ran out on us!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08I didn't intend to.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Go on, get in. Tell me everything.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18MUSIC: Hello by Adele
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Wow! This is like something from Star Wars!
0:15:21 > 0:15:22I know!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25So, what are you doing here? I'm collecting Yvonne.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Oh. Are you two an item?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30What? No!
0:15:30 > 0:15:35I won't deny there was a brief moment when I thought, nay hoped,
0:15:35 > 0:15:39that we would be thrown together by our mutual grief at your loss.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42She knocked that on the head pretty sharpish.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44But out of the goodness of her heart,
0:15:44 > 0:15:46she allows me to live in her basement.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49In return for odd jobs, bit of driving, that sort of thing.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I can't believe you're here!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Does this mean you're back in the old routine?
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Two wives, two time zones, lots of lying and deceit.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Me having to cover for you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Cos I've really missed that!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09No, Ron. I'm not going to lie any more.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I just need to see Yvonne and apologise for the pain I've caused.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13You'll have a job.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15PHONE RINGS
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Hi, Yvonne. You outside?
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Your carriage awaits, m'lady.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Why do you always say that, Ron? You're so predictable.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I'll be out in a minute. Ready when you are, m'lady.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29DIAL TONE BEEPS
0:16:29 > 0:16:31I'll show her predictable.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Get in the back.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50How did it go? Oh, usual bunch of losers and fantasists.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52That's why they love you on that show, Yvonne.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Your empathy. Cheer up.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57I've got a fantastic investment opportunity for you.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58I'm not interested, Ron.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Not after your cat cloning debacle.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03This is different.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I've met someone who's discovered the secret of time travel.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08SHE LAUGHS DERISIVELY
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Hello, Yvonne.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21...And then my dad fainted, so the midwife handed me to me.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24And you know how you can't bring the same poles of two magnets together?
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Schrodinger's Cat.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Yeah.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Well, the next thing I know, I'm back in my old shop, except now,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33it's some trendy, overpriced burger joint.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Hoof and Claw. Yvonne's the owner.
0:17:35 > 0:17:3735 branches and counting.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Your old shop was the first one.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Does that make me a partner?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43No, because I had you declared dead.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45I had to move on.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47You've remarried? After you?
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Ah, couldn't find anyone to follow me, you mean?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53I mean, once bitten, twice shy.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Not that I've been a nun.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58She's not kidding. I had to soundproof the basement.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Ron!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03You know you broke my heart, Gary.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07I didn't mean to. Oh, so someone forced you to be a bigamist.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09It wasn't my fault I got trapped in the past.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Or else you'd still be stringing two wives along!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I always loved you both.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Are you and Phoebe still together?
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Yes, of course.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Haven't got a bit on the side tucked away during the Boer War?
0:18:40 > 0:18:41I can see why you preferred her.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I didn't.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Not exactly. Why did you keep going back then?
0:18:45 > 0:18:47The powdered egg?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50I just always felt inadequate around you.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh, so it was my fault, was it?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Is that your Michael?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Yeah.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Doing his A-levels.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01He's great, Ron. And you've got a dog!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Yeah, yeah. Part of the family.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06He's a bit out of condition, isn't he?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09He is, yeah. He's a fat, lazy, old bugger, actually.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10RON LAUGHS
0:19:10 > 0:19:12All he ever does is eat and sleep.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14What do you call him?
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Ron? You called your dog Ron?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23He was a puppy!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25We had no idea he was going to be such a disa...
0:19:25 > 0:19:27..ppointment.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Well, thank you for coming back from the dead
0:19:31 > 0:19:34and churning up all the feelings I thought I'd managed to work through.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38What sort of feelings? Angry, vengeful feelings, Gary!
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Now, I think you'd better be getting back to your family
0:19:42 > 0:19:44because with the best will in the world,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46there's nothing for you in 2016, is there?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I wouldn't say nothing, Yvonne.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53What are you doing home?
0:19:53 > 0:19:54I ran away from school.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Again? It'll save them the hassle of excluding me
0:19:58 > 0:20:01when they find out I blew up the headmistresses' bidet.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Ellie, this is the third school.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04I know, Mum.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I can count. Oh, good.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08So that 40 grand year wasn't a total waste.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10You can afford it!
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Anyway, you only sent me there so you could bring weird blokes back.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15I'm not weird!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18He is. No, I'm not.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I'm... He's an old family friend.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22I've never seen him before.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24And why is he staring at my legs?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26What happened to your jeans?
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Gary's been away.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Where? Fashion prison? All right if I have a glass of wine?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38You're 16! So? Lighten up, Mum!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39I've had it up to here with you, Ellie!
0:20:39 > 0:20:43Tomorrow morning, I am driving you back to Cheltenham Ladies College,
0:20:43 > 0:20:45where you can apologise and beg for mercy!
0:20:45 > 0:20:46You can't tomorrow, Yvonne.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49You've got the House of Lords committee on Child Neglect.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Right. Tomorrow, Ron is driving you back to Cheltenham...
0:20:53 > 0:20:54You're such a hypocrite!
0:20:54 > 0:20:58And you're a spoilt brat! Now, you can go to your room!
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Argh!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04And she's your daughter.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Don't you dare criticise me!
0:21:06 > 0:21:10It's not my fault she grew up without a father, is it, Gary?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15You mean she's our daughter?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Well, of course she is, you plank!
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Because I didn't find out until after you'd vanished
0:21:22 > 0:21:25into the mists of time! And you've never told her about me?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Tell her what? That her father's an incompetent time traveller?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31So who does she think her father is?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Some two-timing bastard...
0:21:33 > 0:21:34Ha! Literally.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38..who abandoned us when I was pregnant.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40And don't you ever tell her otherwise.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I'm not likely to get the chance now, am I?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Not if I've got anything to do with it, no!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Don't let me keep you from the bosom of your family.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Right.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Goodbye, mate.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Ron, you couldn't give me a lift...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13He's busy. The Tube station's down the road.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16I've only got old money.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Doesn't matter.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22I feel like a walk.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32You're kidding!
0:22:46 > 0:22:49You still have buses, then? What?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Buses. Big, red things, full of old people and drunks.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56I've seen them. I've never been on one.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Your mum thinks you're still in your room.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05How did you escape? I'm a member of the school abseiling club.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08?150 a term.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Worth every penny.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13So, where are you going now? Sleepover? Rave?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I've got to get back to school before lights out.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18You aren't being expelled, then?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21No. I had a day's study leave and I needed my tablet.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24You're not well? No.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26My tablet.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Duh.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oh, yes, yes. That's called a tablet. I know.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Still, you could always cut your mum a little slack, you know?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Or is that looked down on in abseiling circles?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43That's quite funny. For a weirdo.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Yvonne's not so bad.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48You try living with her. I did.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50What?
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Well, you know, way back.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Students. Shared house.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Before you were born.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Did you know my dad?
0:24:00 > 0:24:01A bit.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03We were around at the same time.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Was he as big a tosser as my mum says?
0:24:05 > 0:24:11No! Well, he was a bit immature and self-centred, maybe.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Bit of a dreamer.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16But a really lovable bloke.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Terrific sense of humour,
0:24:19 > 0:24:21loyal, intelligent.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25If he was so loyal, why did he walk out on us?
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Maybe he didn't know about you.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36I haven't told mum, but when I'm 18, I'm going to go and look for him.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Course, he may not want to know me.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I bet he would.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Taxi for Ellie? Yep.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50What happened to engines?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57You're OK. Odd, but interesting.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01See you around? I hope so.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Want a lift?
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Yes. Thank you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22MUSIC: Hello by Adele
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Would you mind turning that up, please?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Married to the owner.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47Can you hurry up? I have to go.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49TOILET FLUSHES
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Thank you.
0:26:18 > 0:26:19HE SCREAMS
0:26:19 > 0:26:21I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Normal service has been resumed.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Yes. Yes, I understand.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40No news is good news, I suppose.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Thanks.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44He's not at the Hackney Hospital.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Right, let me think.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Sorry. I'm so sorry.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Gary! Where have you been all day?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52In hospital. ALL: What?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54What? Well, not in, at.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58Having tests. You applied for a hospital job?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Tests on my brain, Reg.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05You know, the memory loss.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07What did they say?
0:27:09 > 0:27:10I can't remember.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13You!
0:27:13 > 0:27:15THEY LAUGH
0:27:16 > 0:27:19They said I'm fine. Everything's fine.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Couldn't be better.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Well, you're home now, sweetheart.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Many happy returns.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Nice to be back.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31# Happy birthday to you... #
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Hold on, Reg. We haven't had the candles yet.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35And that'll take all night.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Come on, Gary. Give us one of your songs.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41Oh, I don't know. Go on, Dad! Sing Love Me Do.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I don't think I know that one.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46You wrote it.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48You sure those memory tests are on the level?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52I know. I'll sing a new one I've written.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Looks like his moose is back.
0:28:01 > 0:28:03MUSIC: Hello by Adele
0:28:08 > 0:28:12# Hello from the other side
0:28:14 > 0:28:19# I must have called a thousand times
0:28:20 > 0:28:25# To tell you I'm sorry
0:28:25 > 0:28:27# For everything that I've done
0:28:27 > 0:28:34# When I call you never seem to be home
0:28:35 > 0:28:40# Hello from the other side... #
0:28:41 > 0:28:45# Goodnight, sweetheart Sweetheart
0:28:45 > 0:28:48# Though I'm not beside you
0:28:48 > 0:28:50# Goodnight sweetheart Sweetheart
0:28:50 > 0:28:54# Still my love will guide you
0:28:54 > 0:28:57# Dreams enfold you
0:28:57 > 0:29:01# In each one I'll hold you
0:29:01 > 0:29:07# Goodnight sweetheart, Goodnight! #
0:29:11 > 0:29:13What's new on BBC Two?
0:29:13 > 0:29:16A proper divorce is built on a solid foundation of hate.
0:29:18 > 0:29:19Mum?!
0:29:20 > 0:29:21I can see you!
0:29:21 > 0:29:23If it was men doing the feeding, there would be blokes
0:29:23 > 0:29:25all over this cafe with their breasts out.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27This is a semidetached house. If we argue,