0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Good evening!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- Welcome to- Have- I- Got- News- For You. I'm Kirsty Young.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43I'm Mel Giedroyc.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I'm David Tennant, and in the news this year...
0:00:45 > 0:00:48In Westminster, there's joy for Michael Gove
0:00:48 > 0:00:51as he's finally given a Cabinet role that suits his abilities
0:00:51 > 0:00:53while still challenging him.
0:00:53 > 0:00:54Would you like a cup of tea?
0:00:54 > 0:00:57LAUGHTER
0:00:57 > 0:00:59At a holiday resort in the Mediterranean,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Ed Balls suddenly spots George Osborne.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12In central London, BBC arts editor Will Gompertz
0:01:12 > 0:01:15struggles with the weight of his massive frontal lobe.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18LAUGHTER
0:01:21 > 0:01:24And in the Midlands, James Dyson's less successful brothers
0:01:24 > 0:01:26try to get in on the act.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- IAN:- The British public have spoken.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36And no-one knows what they've said.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41The British public don't like being told what to think
0:01:41 > 0:01:43and they don't like people getting above themselves,
0:01:43 > 0:01:45so Mrs May just got a huge slap.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51"I'll take half your majority away. Shut up."
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Don't you think it's time to get rid of the British public?
0:01:55 > 0:01:56I mean...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58LAUGHTER
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Now, it was an amazing night for Jeremy Corbyn.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10Alan, you described him as "useless, incompetent and incapable."
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Er...- You're reading things into that. This is...
0:02:16 > 0:02:18And it's...
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Jeremy was very pleased.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24He attempted a high five with Emily Thornberry.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Shall we have a look?- Yes, let's have a look at that.- Yes.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Well, almost a victory party...
0:02:32 > 0:02:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Diane Abbott got in a tangle on LBC
0:02:39 > 0:02:42during an interview about funding police recruitment.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- What's she gone and done? - Well, they had an idea
0:02:44 > 0:02:47that they thought would work, which is having 10,000 more police.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50The Labour Party! Normally that's what the Tories say,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52but this time Labour thought they'd try it.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- But unfortunately they got Diane out.- Yes.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56She got the numbers wrong, didn't she? She gave an amount
0:02:56 > 0:03:01- which would mean they were paying £30 per year per policeman.- Yes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03So they said, "Is that right?" She said, "No.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06"I didn't mean £300,000 - I meant £80 million."
0:03:08 > 0:03:12She hasn't grasped modern politics at all, Diane Abbott.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I think it's mathematics she hasn't got.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18If you've got figures that are complete bollocks
0:03:18 > 0:03:20and you don't know what you're talking about,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23you don't trot them out on a radio show.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25You slap them on the side of a bus, and you drive...
0:03:28 > 0:03:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I'm already worried I've made too many jokes about Theresa May
0:03:34 > 0:03:36and not enough about Jeremy Corbyn.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Mind you, you say a bad thing about Jeremy Corbyn,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41you get enough shit on the internet if you're not Jewish, so...
0:03:43 > 0:03:45..I think I'll leave it.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52We have got Jeremy Corbyn on Women's Hour.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- Just not getting the figures at all. - Let's see.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58How much will it cost to provide un-means-tested childcare
0:03:58 > 0:04:01for 1.3 million children?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Er, it will cost, er...
0:04:03 > 0:04:07It will obviously cost a lot to do so.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- I presume you have the figures. - Yes, I do.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- So how much will it cost?- I'll give you the figure in a moment.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13You don't know it?
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Er...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18You're logging into your iPad, here.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21It's a major policy, and you don't know how much it will cost?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Can I give you the exact figure in a moment?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26You're flicking through your manifesto, you've got an iPad there,
0:04:26 > 0:04:28you've had a phone call while we were in here,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30and you don't know how much it's going to cost?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33Can we come back to that in a moment?
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Anyone can lose the bit of...
0:04:34 > 0:04:37I mean, if you're a vicar, everyone always expects you
0:04:37 > 0:04:39to be able to quote chapter and verse from the Bible,
0:04:39 > 0:04:42but you don't hold the information in that way.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45So it's "Thou shalt NOT commit adultery," you know.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Tiny detail.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51The Gospel according to Shrek, I don't know.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53We've just heard that Theresa May's
0:04:53 > 0:04:55pulled out of doing Women's Hour herself,
0:04:55 > 0:04:58she's been replaced by Justine Greening. What do you think of that?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Do you know that's in the same studio as Saturday Live?
0:05:01 > 0:05:05So I'll be detecting signs of nervousness on the seats
0:05:05 > 0:05:07when I go in.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10That's really disgusting.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22It's another edition of I Didn't Know A Vicar Would Say That!
0:05:24 > 0:05:28This is the news of the humiliating victory for Theresa May.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Not quite all of the results are in yet.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33As we speak, the largest party
0:05:33 > 0:05:35is being held by students in Sheffield,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37where Nick Clegg lost his seat.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40After Theresa May missed the debate,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42the Mirror referred to the absent Prime Minister as:
0:05:44 > 0:05:47You can order Chicken Theresa May in a restaurant near me.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51It's thin-skinned, boneless, and refuses to be grilled.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- PAUL:- Ah, yes, this is the bozo of the Western world.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03He tweeted a word...
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Covfefe.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Would you support, if somebody...
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Um...
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Is it right to hit him?
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- APPLAUSE - Just once. In the face.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Just once.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21This was the early hours of Wednesday morning, he tweeted...
0:06:27 > 0:06:28..and left it at that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Do you think he was trying to spell "kerfuffle"?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- No, coverage.- Must be coverage.- This is what somebody said on Twitter.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36They made a sort of dictionary entry where they wrote:
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Did you see what the Eurostar did?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49LAUGHTER
0:06:53 > 0:06:57What did we learn about Donald Trump's exercise routine this week?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- That he doesn't have one. - That's right.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03- He doesn't do any.- No.- He believes that in order to live longer,
0:07:03 > 0:07:06we should not do any exercise.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07This is good news.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17He met the Pope in the Vatican.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Donald thought that he and the Pope got on really well
0:07:19 > 0:07:22because they had one thing in common.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Do you know what that is?- Humility.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27That is right.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- That is the answer.- No!- Yes!- No!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You're not known to be a humble man, but I wonder...
0:07:33 > 0:07:34I think I am actually humble.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Look at Mike Pence's face.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45He's thinking, "What did he just say?!"
0:07:45 > 0:07:48"Just have a heart attack so I can get the job."
0:07:49 > 0:07:53The five surviving ex-presidents of the USA all appeared at a fundraiser
0:07:53 > 0:07:56for the One America appeal for hurricane relief.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59What led George W Bush and Barack Obama
0:07:59 > 0:08:02to snigger behind Bill Clinton's back?
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Oh, I don't know.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Journalist Simon Ricketts thinks Obama is laughing
0:08:06 > 0:08:10because Bush is pretending his arms are Bill Clinton's arms.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12..calamitous disaster.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15But can be a new beginning...
0:08:15 > 0:08:17LAUGHTER
0:08:17 > 0:08:20That's amazing, isn't it?
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Isn't that amazing?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27What is Donald Trump doing to celebrate Christmas?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Is this the awful, ugly Christmas decorations?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34I mean, Melania thinks they're... MIMICS MELANIA: ..very beautiful.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Let's have a look.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I think the look is Nuclear Winterval.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49There were ballerinas just dancing for her as she stood there.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I mean, if it were any more Freudian,
0:08:50 > 0:08:52she'd just be in a withered chair in the corner
0:08:52 > 0:08:55just rocking back and forth. Just her face, it just...
0:08:55 > 0:08:58You know that that contractually obliged hand job
0:08:58 > 0:08:59is around the corner.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05That's probably the best way to do it, when you're around the corner.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- She is an innocent gold digger caught up in a dangerous game.- Yeah.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Donald Trump does frequently have trouble with names.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18He recently referred to the African country of Nambia, later explaining
0:09:18 > 0:09:20he'd simply mixed up the two real countries
0:09:20 > 0:09:22of Gambia and Narnia.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Oh, here's the former Prime Minister.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Depends when you're watching. Oh, someone's coughing.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- CROAKILY:- ..dealing with our debts...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37SHE COUGHS
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I know a lot of people who are probably nicer than me
0:09:39 > 0:09:41felt very sorry for her.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43But I thought it was very, very funny.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49It's a bad sign when a cough sweet goes down better than you do.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51What advice did Michael Heseltine offer May
0:09:51 > 0:09:53regarding what she should do about Boris?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Sack him.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yes, that's certainly in the territory,
0:09:56 > 0:09:58but we have a clip of this.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Let's enjoy some brave clothing choices.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Where would you put Boris? If you were in Theresa May's position
0:10:05 > 0:10:08and you were going to reshuffle, where would you put Boris Johnson?
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Mongolia? Somewhere like that.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16They don't make patricians like that any more.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- He matches his plant in that clip. - Of course!
0:10:19 > 0:10:21LAUGHTER
0:10:21 > 0:10:23That's amazing.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Yes. This is not his first rodeo.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- She can't sack Boris.- Why?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Because if she sacks him he gets to walk away from Brexit
0:10:31 > 0:10:33while simultaneously being able to claim that
0:10:33 > 0:10:34if he'd stayed in the government
0:10:34 > 0:10:37it all would have gone much better than it's clearly going to go.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38She can't allow him the pleasure.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40He's essentially an arsonist
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- who wants to come back dressed as a fireman.- Yes.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48"Where's the fire?"
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Theresa May's premiership has been under threat for a while,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56but this must be the first time
0:10:56 > 0:10:58that the "coffin" itself could be the final nail.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Oh, hummus. Yes, there's a hummus shortage.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13There's a man, unbelievably, "No hummus! No hummus!"
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Er, yes, there's been a huge drought of hummus. It's run out.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21The man who produces it, Hugh Muss, has said that...
0:11:21 > 0:11:22It's gone missing.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25For those of us in the liberal metropolitan elite,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27this is more of a disaster even than Brexit.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Yep. So you're quite right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Why have Sainsbury's, Tesco's and Marks and Sparks
0:11:35 > 0:11:37withdrawn hummus from their shelves?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39People complained it tasted funny. Metallic.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41- And fizzy.- Fizzy, yes!
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Fizzy.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44What else have shoppers reacted to in amazement?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Oh, Blue Riband not going to be made...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Is that the one? Jobs going at Blue Riband?
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- The jobs are moving.- Moving. - Yeah. So Nestle has said...
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- To a different country, I think. - Yeah. They're going to move
0:11:54 > 0:11:57300 biscuit-making jobs from Britain to Poland.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59And social media was set alight
0:11:59 > 0:12:02by people baffled and upset that a biscuit
0:12:02 > 0:12:05they'd always thought was called Blue Ribbon is called Blue Riband.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07- Why did people think it was called Blue Ribbon?- I have no idea.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11- It's been called that since 1936. - It has!
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Consumers were so deeply traumatised...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16PAUL LAUGHS
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- ..they went online to vent their horror.- Oh, dear.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Yeah, of course they did. Becka wrote:
0:12:26 > 0:12:28In other food-related news,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Worcester Cathedral has been criticised
0:12:30 > 0:12:32for blessing a bundle of asparagus
0:12:32 > 0:12:35accompanied by St George and Gus - as in Aspara Gus -
0:12:35 > 0:12:37who's...
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Who has been a fixture of the asparagus festival in Worcester
0:12:41 > 0:12:43since 2008.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47He's actually the fifth person to wear the asparagus costume.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50The first four were strangled by a big blue elastic band.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Self-effacing rock star who pays too much tax, according to him.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Lewis Hamilton... I can't remember which is the good one,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03it's either avoidance or evasion.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It's a subtle difference, isn't it?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- You'll get sued if you say the wrong one.- Oh, right.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09So go on.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16I'll mention your name as I'm passing through the legal system.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18You're talking about millions and billions,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21and in the case of Lewis Hamilton, who is extremely wealthy...
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Isn't he meant to be the richest sportsman of all now?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Yeah, I suppose so. He doesn't have to be particularly fit,
0:13:27 > 0:13:28doing what he does.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32He sits in a car and points it in that direction.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34He doesn't even build the car.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37He's like an Uber driver who goes a bit quicker, that's all.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46It's the leak of the Paradise Papers.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Yes.- Other famous individuals are named,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50not just Lewis Hamilton. What's Bono done?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52He bought a shopping centre?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54He bought a shopping centre in beautiful Lithuania.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Here it is.- Via a holding company in Malta.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- I've actually been there. - What, to that shopping centre?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Yes. I spent ages trying to shop,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05but I still couldn't find what I was looking for.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:14:09 > 0:14:11The way that photograph is framed is a bit unusual
0:14:11 > 0:14:14cos you can't see The Edge. Do you see?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18He issued a statement. What did that say?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20"Fuck the lot of you."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- That's the House of Commons. - Sexminster.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Oh, no, that's the House of Commons.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35And he's off. The former Defence Secretary.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Where are the Lib Dems? That's what I want to know in this sex scandal.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Normally they are way in the front in any sex scandal,
0:14:41 > 0:14:43and they've been left trailing.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45There's not enough of them any more.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48They can't even round up a decent gang of sex offenders.
0:14:49 > 0:14:53A threesome would be a push, wouldn't it? It would be a push.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59The Times published a redacted version of the list.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01A damning indictment of MPs' behaviour,
0:15:01 > 0:15:05or, if you prefer, a fun-packed Missing Words Round.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I mean, here's one, for example.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Clothing, presumably.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Perfume.- Women's suffrage banners.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Yes, that's...
0:15:22 > 0:15:23OK, try the next one.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Own sweets.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32That's just sensible.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34It's "personal trainer".
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- Some of this is not high-level crime, is it?- No, no, it's...
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- Compared to, say, Putin or Trump. - But if I can just say,
0:15:42 > 0:15:46as the only representative of the female gender here today,
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I know it's not high-level,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50but it doesn't have to be high-level
0:15:50 > 0:15:56for women to feel under siege in somewhere like the House of Commons.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59And actually for women, if you're constantly being harassed
0:15:59 > 0:16:02even in a small way, that builds up.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04And that wears you down.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING
0:16:09 > 0:16:11There is a wide range of behaviour on offer.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12One MP is described as:
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- What, can he drive?- I don't know.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I thought maybe it meant he'd hold your chips
0:16:19 > 0:16:21while you throw up out the window.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26That's what I'm looking for in a man, anyway.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28What a showbiz life you lead, Jo.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I tell you, Paul, you should come out with me for the night.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32It's marvellous.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Er, what did the list have to say about Amber Rudd?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Oh, she'd had an affair, a post-marital affair,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40with another MP,
0:16:40 > 0:16:42and he wasn't married either.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46- So what...?- They're very Puritan... - They are.- ..this particular
0:16:46 > 0:16:48bunch of researchers. It was just put on the list.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50"Enjoying life."
0:16:54 > 0:16:56What's the real scandal associated with Amber Rudd?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58It's not this traffic light joke, is it?
0:16:58 > 0:17:00It is the traffic light joke, yes.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Er, about a year ago, Paul Merton made this joke.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05If Amber Rudd married someone called Green,
0:17:05 > 0:17:07she'd be like a traffic light. Amber Rudd Green.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Just occurred to me, that's all.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16And then, eight months later, Labour's Alan Johnson said this.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Am I the only one who thinks
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Amber Rudd sounds like a traffic light sequence?
0:17:19 > 0:17:21So...
0:17:22 > 0:17:24So if she stood for the Green Party,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26it'd be Amber Rudd, Green.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29It's like the Highway Code.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37I said that on the programme about eight months ago!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42That's incredible.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- But it turns out the gag's even older than that.- Really?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Here is some footage from series one.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50OLD-FASHIONED MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Ahh.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03I was wrong.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07This is the sex scandal engulfing Westminster.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09According to the redacted dossier...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Why are these jobs never advertised?
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Right, er, nudging?
0:18:24 > 0:18:27A guy won the Nobel Prize for Economics, the nudge theory.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I'm not entirely sure what the nudge theory is.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33It's this guy Richard Thaler, and his theory is that you just
0:18:33 > 0:18:36have to kind of guide people, sort of through almost
0:18:36 > 0:18:39subliminal suggestion, towards positive outcomes.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- If you put a bee on a urinal - not a real bee...- Sure.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44..but a picture of a bee -
0:18:44 > 0:18:47apparently it makes men aim their pee better.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- Yeah, yeah.- They've often used a fly. It's completely true.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53That helps with aim, there.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00I was genuinely considering wearing this shirt tonight, but I was just...
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I was afraid of all the urine...
0:19:03 > 0:19:05..that it would inevitably attract.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Also, we have a new semi-circular bus seat. There we go.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10And that's to what end?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13That's to allow you to face your assailant directly.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Yes. It's actually about encouraging people to talk.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26"How do you feel you might mug me? Oh, that... That would be lovely."
0:19:26 > 0:19:31I think that nudge theory is responsible for all those products
0:19:31 > 0:19:33that address you in the first person.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35What is termed "wackaging", which is
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- rapacious commercial brands trying to be your mates.- Yeah.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Take, for example, innocent smoothies and their knitted woolly hats.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46I'm against capital punishment but I'd bring it back for the mark...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- What, for the smoothie? - For the marketing people.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50But they're innocent. Look, they're telling you!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Which awards were announced recently
0:19:54 > 0:19:56that people might be less eager to win?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Is that the Ig Nobel Prize?- Yes. - Cos they have it every year, don't they?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- The most stupid things that people have done.- That's exactly right.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05In fact, their quote is...
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Didn't one of the winners
0:20:10 > 0:20:13call a snap election to get a bigger majority?
0:20:15 > 0:20:18The winner of the Ig Nobel Prize for Physics used flow dynamics
0:20:18 > 0:20:19to answer the question...
0:20:24 > 0:20:25It was prompted by the ability of cats
0:20:25 > 0:20:27to adopt the shape of any container.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38This is the Nobel Prize for Economics awarded to Richard Thaler,
0:20:38 > 0:20:39the man who invented the nudge theory.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42A practical application of nudge technique
0:20:42 > 0:20:43was used in North Carolina, where...
0:20:48 > 0:20:52A similar scheme in Middlesbrough netted one lucky girl £2.63.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- That's the current Prime Minister. - Yes, she's still in.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59That's the negotiation.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Oh, that's a subtle metaphor.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Who would've thought that saying "fuck you"
0:21:03 > 0:21:07to the rest of Europe would have such complications? Mm.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10This is the linked report from Theresa May's dinner with
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Jean-Claude Juncker. The dinner itself was very amicable.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16It was followed by an interminable argument over how to split the bill.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20What was the substance of the leak?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Theresa May was desperate
0:21:22 > 0:21:25and was begging the EU just to give her a chance.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27It said that May had...
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Juncker's chief aide is called Martin Selmayr, and he's got form.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- He's known as The Monster.- He's also known as Rasputin.- Rasputin?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Darth Vader.- Just anyone evil?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Do you know what the Daily Mail calls him?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Editor in chief?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:52 > 0:21:53..is what they call him.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- I think I was right first time. - Leaky bully-boy.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58There was another leak at a high-level meeting of
0:21:58 > 0:22:00European politicians this week. What was that?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Not this toxic gas leak at the...?
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- No, a much less serious leak, arguably.- The vegetable leek?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Er, slightly more serious than a vegetable leek.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- It involves Macron's dog.- Oh, yes! - Oh!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16The President of France urinated into a fireplace
0:22:16 > 0:22:18and then blamed it on his dog.
0:22:18 > 0:22:22Would that that were true. While attending a meeting at the Elysee Palace with Macron
0:22:22 > 0:22:26and members of his government, Nemo relieved himself in the fireplace. Keep an eye on the young chien.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29THEY SPEAK FRENCH
0:22:45 > 0:22:48I think that's all right in high-level meetings now,
0:22:48 > 0:22:52cos I think Trump does that. I think... I've seen it. Definitely.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56This is Brexit and the row over leaks after a dinner.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59One Tory MP came under fire for asking universities
0:22:59 > 0:23:02for the names and details of lecturers teaching Brexit.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05One critic accused him of McCarthyism,
0:23:05 > 0:23:07while another said it was "idiotic Leninism".
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Lenin and McCarthyism, eh?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Just let it be, I say. APPLAUSE
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Yes, this is a hospital...
0:23:19 > 0:23:23- The computer's going down. So, hackers. Anonymous hackers.- It's the hackers.- Are they anonymous?
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- I don't know where they're from. - We do know where they're from. They are from North Korea,
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- it turns out.- Has that been proven? - Not totally proven.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Do you know what the virus was called?
0:23:34 > 0:23:35It was called WannaCry.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39It demands money before you can get your computer files back.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41It was all in BRIT-coins as well.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42- Bitcoins.- Bitcoins.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47No, no, we've left the European market. They're Britcoins now!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Didn't it only happen because
0:23:49 > 0:23:51we've not upgraded the security properly?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54We've been running the NHS on Windows XP, so people
0:23:54 > 0:23:57have probably been told that they're dying by a helpful paperclip.
0:24:00 > 0:24:05But a young man, a 20-year-old, managed to solve it all by chance.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08He's a 22-year-old reclusive IT consultant called Marcus,
0:24:08 > 0:24:09who lives in Devon.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Do you know how he managed to disarm the sophisticated...?
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Yes, he bought something
0:24:13 > 0:24:18from Amazon, £25, and inserted this programme and somehow,
0:24:18 > 0:24:20by chance, it solved everything.
0:24:20 > 0:24:24We've become too reliant on these computers. It's rather frightening.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26If you're in an aeroplane and suddenly the computer is hacked,
0:24:26 > 0:24:29it might fall out of the sky. You'd be disappointed, wouldn't you?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Very!- Depends how far you had to walk to the airport.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Marcus Hutchins, the 22-year-old IT expert who still lives with
0:24:39 > 0:24:42his mum, has said he fears retribution and is...
0:24:44 > 0:24:45What life?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52One of the big stories is they hacked Disney.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54They've demanded a ransom.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Disney have said...
0:25:01 > 0:25:05..said the makers of Pirates Of The Caribbean 5.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10This is the NHS computer-hacking crisis.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13It's the biggest failure for the NHS since records began...
0:25:13 > 0:25:14at three o'clock yesterday.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19At a school in Battersea, after he'd come second
0:25:19 > 0:25:22in the egg and spoon race, classmates are forced to take action
0:25:22 > 0:25:24as Prince George throws another tantrum.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32There's evidence that female moviegoers may be
0:25:32 > 0:25:35disappointed with the remake of Ghost.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43PlayStation brings out a brand-new virtual reality game that lets
0:25:43 > 0:25:47players enjoy all the excitement of tweaking a hipster's beard.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57And in London there are fears
0:25:57 > 0:26:00the RSPCA may have developed a paramilitary wing.
0:26:12 > 0:26:13BUZZER
0:26:13 > 0:26:16This is the Queen and Prince Philip showing why they get on so well.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19It's their 70th wedding anniversary, I think -
0:26:19 > 0:26:201947.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22According to the royal biographer Ingrid Seward,
0:26:22 > 0:26:24the secret to their happy marriage is that...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28What do you think they might laugh about?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29Us.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31"Fools."
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Well, Ingrid said the Queen is "a wonderful mimic"
0:26:33 > 0:26:36and is "particularly good at a Liverpudlian accent."
0:26:36 > 0:26:37No!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Fingers on the buzzers, teams,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42for the no-expense-spent Phil And Liz Quiz.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49The royal couple received 2,583 wedding presents,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52but what did they get 76 of?
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Toasters.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Nope. 76 people gave them handkerchiefs.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- LIVERPOOL ACCENT:- Hey, Phil, look at all these hankies we got.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Ingrid also revealed that the couple share a bedroom,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09but Prince Philip also has his own in case...
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I enjoyed his answer to a question in 1988.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19He was asked what he would like to be reincarnated as. He said...
0:27:27 > 0:27:30LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- BELL - Pole dancing.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Yes.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38It's not in any way sexual,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40as this picture proves.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43It is a proper accredited sport,
0:27:43 > 0:27:46requiring gymnastic ability and a beard.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- And it's going to be an Olympic sport.- Is it?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52I think there's talk about it being an Olympic sport.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Would you like to see some competitive pole dancing?
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Yes, I think we're being unnecessarily rude.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Not on this programme, I'm just saying...
0:28:04 > 0:28:07In the USA, what were pole dancers called
0:28:07 > 0:28:10when they performed in travelling fairs in the 1920s?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Pole dancers.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18In what international competition
0:28:18 > 0:28:20did the UK score a surprise victory over France this week?
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Wine tasting.- Yes.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Out of 24 countries, France came 11th,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27nine places below the UK, which was second.
0:28:27 > 0:28:29Was it done on volume?
0:28:35 > 0:28:39This is the news that pole dancing may become an Olympic event.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41If it does, it'll be the first-ever instance
0:28:41 > 0:28:43of bringing a sport INTO repute.
0:28:48 > 0:28:49BUZZER
0:28:49 > 0:28:51This is a wildlife documentary.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54This is an iguana running away from snakes
0:28:54 > 0:28:57and it was a very brilliantly photographed bit of footage
0:28:57 > 0:29:01and you've got to spend hours, months, weekends, days, forever
0:29:01 > 0:29:02trying to get this stuff.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06And somebody complained because there's a cutaway to another iguana,
0:29:06 > 0:29:08a sort of close-up thing,
0:29:08 > 0:29:10and they said this is cheating somehow,
0:29:10 > 0:29:11as if you can make an iguana...
0:29:11 > 0:29:14"Sorry, love, we missed that - can we do it again?"
0:29:14 > 0:29:17So I don't understand why people are confused about how films are made.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20How could they tell it wasn't the same iguana?
0:29:20 > 0:29:21Well, because...
0:29:21 > 0:29:24I don't know. Maybe it had a hat on or something.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27"Up the Gunners." I don't know. He had a badge.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30"Is it true Arsene Wenger's leaving?"
0:29:33 > 0:29:37No, I think it was a protest registered by the snakes.
0:29:37 > 0:29:41Er...cos they're shown in this film to be incompetent.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44- Very poor light.- There are hundreds of them chasing one baby iguana
0:29:44 > 0:29:47and they're so useless they don't get anywhere near him.
0:29:47 > 0:29:48And the iguana escapes.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50And I think they protested,
0:29:50 > 0:29:54saying, "The footage is completely faked. We won the encounter."
0:29:55 > 0:29:58"And David Attenborough really should just resign."
0:29:59 > 0:30:01Can we see the footage? It's so good.
0:30:01 > 0:30:03You want to see the fakery row,
0:30:03 > 0:30:06the scene including the lizard and the snake?
0:30:06 > 0:30:08- Yeah.- OK. Let's have a look.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:30:21 > 0:30:23- BUZZER - I don't know what this is,
0:30:23 > 0:30:25but that's what they used to call a hobbyhorse, isn't it,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28so this must be some sort of hobbyhorse racing?
0:30:28 > 0:30:30- That's right.- Is it?- Yes.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33This is the news that hobbyhorsing is the latest craze
0:30:33 > 0:30:35to hit the Finnish teens.
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Shall we have a look at a bit of hobbyhorsing?
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- Yeah, absolutely.- Let's do it.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51APPLAUSE
0:30:51 > 0:30:56Now, if a sport ever needed to be drug tested, it's that one.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58It's actually estimated that
0:30:58 > 0:31:01there are more than 10,000 people hobbyhorsing in Finland
0:31:01 > 0:31:04- and 200 people... - Who's estimated that - Diane Abbott?
0:31:08 > 0:31:11What did a recent documentary reveal about hobbyhorsers?
0:31:13 > 0:31:15That they're lonely?
0:31:15 > 0:31:19The actual answer is they're not as mad as you think. One said...
0:31:22 > 0:31:23No.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27Having said that, they do give their hobbyhorses names, such as...
0:31:29 > 0:31:32What would you call your hobbyhorse, Paul?
0:31:32 > 0:31:33Mrs Williams.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37- Ian?- Southern Rail Are Useless.
0:31:40 > 0:31:43This is the latest craze to hit Finland.
0:31:43 > 0:31:45It's such an obsession with Finnish girls
0:31:45 > 0:31:48that they are out on their hobbyhorses from dawn till dusk.
0:31:48 > 0:31:49That's a whole hour.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55It's time now for the Odd One Out round.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Your four are...
0:31:57 > 0:32:02the tiger mascot for the Siliwangi Military Command in Indonesia,
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Archimedes, Millicent Fawcett,
0:32:04 > 0:32:06and Cristiano Ronaldo.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08Ronaldo recently had a statue made of him,
0:32:08 > 0:32:11so it's him looking funny or amused, I think.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13- So it's about statues, I think. - It is.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15The mascot, I don't know anything about that,
0:32:15 > 0:32:17but I imagine it's a pretty grim mascot.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19I think the statue was regarded as laughable,
0:32:19 > 0:32:21and presumably there'll be...
0:32:21 > 0:32:23I know there isn't yet a statue of Fawcett,
0:32:23 > 0:32:25the rather impressive woman on the left
0:32:25 > 0:32:26who was a suffragette in the 19th century,
0:32:26 > 0:32:30- but Theresa May has promised that there will be a statue...- Ah!
0:32:30 > 0:32:32..of her in Parliament Square.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34There is a statue of Archimedes.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36There must be somewhere, presumably.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38- But someone's objected to it. - Oh, really?
0:32:38 > 0:32:40So they're all statues that people have objected to
0:32:40 > 0:32:42- apart from Fawcett... - Who's not there yet.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44..who's going to get a statue.
0:32:44 > 0:32:45So she must be the odd one out.
0:32:45 > 0:32:48Portugal, as you say, decided to honour Cristiano Ronaldo
0:32:48 > 0:32:50by renaming Madeira Airport after him
0:32:50 > 0:32:53and unveiling this bronze bust at one of its terminals.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59A statue of the majestic, fearsome Sumatran tiger,
0:32:59 > 0:33:03a mascot of the Siliwangi Military Command in Indonesia,
0:33:03 > 0:33:05went viral this week. Here it is.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12What does he want from us?
0:33:14 > 0:33:16Why did the statue end up looking
0:33:16 > 0:33:20so unlike the ferocious beast it was supposed to resemble?
0:33:20 > 0:33:22They couldn't get the head they wanted.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25The spokesman said it was because the artist...
0:33:32 > 0:33:35A nude statue of Archimedes is said to be distracting drivers
0:33:35 > 0:33:37on a road in Basingstoke.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40So let's settle this once and for all.
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Do you find this distracting?
0:33:41 > 0:33:43No, not really.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45I didn't even know he was from Basingstoke.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50APPLAUSE
0:33:50 > 0:33:54So they are all the subject of a controversial statue
0:33:54 > 0:33:56apart from Millicent Fawcett.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58The offending naked statue of Archimedes
0:33:58 > 0:34:02is outside the owner's house. I'm told it's a large, impressive semi,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04but don't know much about the house.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Prince Harry, Tybalt,
0:34:10 > 0:34:12a dishwasher
0:34:12 > 0:34:13and Charles Darwin.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- BUZZER - It's an exam question.
0:34:15 > 0:34:20Tybalt was wrongly identified as a member of the Montague household
0:34:20 > 0:34:22- in a GCSE English exam.- Ah, yes.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24- Whereas in fact he was a Capulet. - Yes.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27And these poor students were asked, "Why did Tybalt hate the Capulets?"
0:34:27 > 0:34:29Which he didn't, because they were his own family.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31- And what's the odd one out? - Dishwashers...
0:34:31 > 0:34:35LAUGHTER
0:34:35 > 0:34:37It's recently been revealed that dishwashers
0:34:37 > 0:34:40- are very good at washing, erm... - Dishes?
0:34:40 > 0:34:42No, no, no!
0:34:42 > 0:34:45The answer is that dishwashers were also on the exam paper.
0:34:45 > 0:34:46And so was Darwin.
0:34:46 > 0:34:50There was a geography paper which asked students about dishwashers
0:34:50 > 0:34:54and they said they'd been preparing for things like climate change and,
0:34:54 > 0:35:00similarly, I think it was a biology paper, and the question was...
0:35:00 > 0:35:03Why had he been drawn like a monkey? In a cartoon.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06And they thought because the reason why he was drawn like a monkey
0:35:06 > 0:35:08was because he had written the evolu... You know, the...
0:35:08 > 0:35:11- Theory of evolution? - On The Origin Of Species.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14Never catch on.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:18 > 0:35:22- And then... Prince Harry is the odd one out.- Why?
0:35:22 > 0:35:28Because they were using his voice in Germany for an English aural exam
0:35:28 > 0:35:32and they decided he didn't speak the Queen's English.
0:35:32 > 0:35:36He was dropped from the German aural exam - there you are.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38That's right. They were all... CHEERING
0:35:41 > 0:35:45They've all been the subject of controversial exam questions
0:35:45 > 0:35:47apart from Prince Harry, one of whose speeches
0:35:47 > 0:35:50featured in an exam question but nobody could understand it.
0:35:50 > 0:35:53In the GCSE biology exam, students were shown this drawing
0:35:53 > 0:35:56of Charles Darwin as a monkey and they didn't really understand why.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58One student tweeted...
0:36:05 > 0:36:08Another criticism of the GCSE English exam was that
0:36:08 > 0:36:10it focused less on Romeo and Juliet and more on the characters...
0:36:12 > 0:36:16One student had no problem with that question, tweeting...
0:36:23 > 0:36:24According to the Guardian,
0:36:24 > 0:36:26the exam board OCR apologised to students
0:36:26 > 0:36:29after asking a question about Tybalt in Romeo And Juliet.
0:36:29 > 0:36:30It's no wonder the students were upset.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33A couple of marks either way in a Shakespeare exam could mean
0:36:33 > 0:36:36the difference between a B and not a B.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Time now for the Missing Words Round.
0:36:39 > 0:36:40And we start with...
0:36:44 > 0:36:46The Loch Ness Monster.
0:36:46 > 0:36:47Hope.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:36:53 > 0:36:54It was the Loch Ness Monster!
0:36:54 > 0:36:56If you believe this story,
0:36:56 > 0:36:59you really should take a long, hard look in the mirror...
0:36:59 > 0:37:02as they're the only paper that bothered to cover it.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05Next...
0:37:07 > 0:37:09Bulge in lie-detecting underpants.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Is it Eamonn Holmes?
0:37:17 > 0:37:19Prince song.
0:37:19 > 0:37:22# Really big courgette... #
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Is that it?
0:37:26 > 0:37:30Second World War bomb turns out to be really big courgette.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33God, the Germans were desperate towards the end, weren't they?
0:37:33 > 0:37:34Here's the courgette.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37It was found in a garden in Bretten in Germany.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39According to the BBC, once police had confirmed
0:37:39 > 0:37:41it was just a five-kilo vegetable...
0:37:43 > 0:37:45And sure enough, 24 hours later,
0:37:45 > 0:37:48neighbours heard a massive explosion.
0:37:49 > 0:37:50Next...
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Is it marry a supermodel?
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Admit it's all a bit far-fetched?
0:38:02 > 0:38:06APPLAUSE
0:38:06 > 0:38:07The answer is...
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Which will premiere at the Cannes Film Festival next week.
0:38:12 > 0:38:13The pontiff's acting was praised,
0:38:13 > 0:38:16but he did annoy the director a bit when he started his scene by saying,
0:38:16 > 0:38:20"Let there be lights, camera, action."
0:38:20 > 0:38:21Next...
0:38:24 > 0:38:26Invade Gibraltar.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30They will. You just can't trust 'em.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- They're threatening to come to Britain.- You're quite right.
0:38:33 > 0:38:34It is...
0:38:35 > 0:38:39Experts have warned that an amorous Spanish slug is currently
0:38:39 > 0:38:43invading Britain, mating with native species and creating super-slugs,
0:38:43 > 0:38:47which are threatening to ruin gardens and crops this summer.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48One scientist claimed
0:38:48 > 0:38:51it was the biggest threat to British slugs since...
0:38:55 > 0:38:58Although the Durham slug is actually just a Northern snail
0:38:58 > 0:39:01that refuses to wear a shell, even in winter.
0:39:08 > 0:39:09Floor!
0:39:11 > 0:39:13Liquid cat!
0:39:16 > 0:39:20- Ah!- Marks & Spencer was criticised for how their delivery driver
0:39:20 > 0:39:23attempted to hide the package. See if you can spot it.
0:39:26 > 0:39:28Next...
0:39:31 > 0:39:34Meeting Scotsman in pub for a joke.
0:39:35 > 0:39:40- Er, football.- It is a football keepy-uppy contest.
0:39:40 > 0:39:41Let's have a look.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46- She's good!- She's very good on the cross.
0:39:48 > 0:39:49Finally...
0:39:54 > 0:39:55Wife number eight.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59She can't stand him.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08This is Ron Sheppard, looking for wife number nine.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11He's previously been married to...
0:40:16 > 0:40:20I think we can pinpoint the moment when he discovered the internet.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30"I still can't find Keith, but I've left him another note."
0:40:34 > 0:40:37Mr Weinstein's office staff.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Yeah, that's the one to finish the show on.
0:40:46 > 0:40:47I leave you with news that in Brussels,
0:40:47 > 0:40:50as world leaders gather for a photo opportunity,
0:40:50 > 0:40:53Theresa May insists that the UK and United States
0:40:53 > 0:40:54still have a special relationship.
0:40:57 > 0:40:59LAUGHTER
0:41:03 > 0:41:05In the basement of Labour Party HQ,
0:41:05 > 0:41:07the BBC's Laura Kuenssberg
0:41:07 > 0:41:11recovers from the knockout drops to be met with a worrying sight.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20And at Calais, the British unveil the winning design
0:41:20 > 0:41:23for a post-Brexit entrance to the Channel Tunnel.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28Goodnight.