0:00:02 > 0:00:04I'm really sorry about my cleavage.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08I don't normally have any, I don't know what's happened.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11I'm quite flat-chested... Oh, God.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Janet Street-Porter. Let's not act like we don't know what we did.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:00:23 > 0:00:29This programme contains some strong language
0:00:45 > 0:00:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03I'm Frank Skinner. In the news this week -
0:01:03 > 0:01:06after finishing the first gig of their comeback tour,
0:01:06 > 0:01:09there's a worrying sight backstage for the Cheeky Girls.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21In a deprived area of Detroit, a baby receives the news
0:01:21 > 0:01:25that his biological father is multi-millionaire Tiger Woods.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39And at home in Hull, a nostalgic John Prescott gets out the scrapbook
0:01:39 > 0:01:42and relives some happy memories.
0:01:50 > 0:01:54On Ian Hislop's team is someone who was recently seen on television walking all over England.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58No, it's not the German football team, it's Janet Street-Porter.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:07And with Paul Merton tonight is an American comedian who says
0:02:07 > 0:02:11he likes working in the UK because it's much harder to offend the audience.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14What, these ugly bastards?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16LAUGHTER
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Oh, you're right. Please welcome Reginald D Hunter.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:23 > 0:02:26And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Ian and Janet, take a look at this.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30- It's Osborne's hammer.- Yep.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33And Danny Alexander in slow motion.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Deliberately giving us a leak.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Yeah, telling us half a million to be unemployed.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Good news.- There were so many leaks about...
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Look, there's the entire Air Force.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Has it got an aircraft carrier to land on?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48No, it's going to dive bomb it. "Hello, sir.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51"Would you like to walk the plank?"
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, God, is that the Army?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56It's a minister looking a bit of a prat.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59It's Dr Fox and they haven't given him a parachute.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03I'm really confused about the Comprehensive Spending Review,
0:03:03 > 0:03:05because now I've got to be older to be a pensioner.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I am a pensioner already,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11but now pensions are going to go up and up, so you've got to be 66.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Yeah, we're not going to pay you a pension now. Look at you!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19- There's years of life in you yet. - Yeah, there is, actually.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22I listened to George Osborne today going on and on and on
0:03:22 > 0:03:25about all the things that pensioners have still got.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29We've still got our bus passes, we've still got our eye tests,
0:03:29 > 0:03:32we've still got our free prescriptions.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34You've still got your teeth.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36APPLAUSE
0:03:36 > 0:03:42Ian, I've still got 90% of my IQ, because I read in the Daily Mail
0:03:42 > 0:03:45or something last week that if you walk nine miles a week,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Alzheimer's is still on the horizon.
0:03:48 > 0:03:53Yeah, but if you read the Daily Mail, your IQ plummets.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Anyway, the rich are going to be absolutely cash-strapped by this.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00So if you've got any sympathy left,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03it's for David and George,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06because we're all in it together.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Except them.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- It is pretty savage.- Hm.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13And we haven't got any armed forces any more.
0:04:13 > 0:04:19Unbelievable feats of logic. We're building two aircraft carriers that everyone agrees we don't need.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23- They can't have aircraft on them - they haven't got any. - Helicopters can land on them.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25But not now because they haven't been built yet.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30We're scrapping the aircraft carrier we have, and the only reason we're building the aircraft carriers
0:04:30 > 0:04:33is because the contract has been signed already.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36We've spent billions of pounds on these ships that nobody wants,
0:04:36 > 0:04:38so we've got to build them anyway.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Don't be picky.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44It's a bloody big thing to build with nothing to go on it, isn't it?
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Can't they use it for housing now they're cancelling all the social housing?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- What, social housing floating about the Gulf?- Or a prison.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55If you don't pay your rent, they shoot you out of a torpedo tube.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Zoom!
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- Did you say a prison? - Yeah.- That would be a great idea, a floating prison.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- I thought we had had floating prisons.- Yeah, we had.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07We had great big hulks in the Thames.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Full of ASBOs.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14People tried to tunnel their way out, didn't they? It was terrible. Terrible business.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18It's been rather sad for the Prince of Wales.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22He's finally got a boat named after him and they're going to scrap it.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- REG: Is it naive to believe... - Yeah.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Almost always.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- Can I...?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Mr Been-On-Here-Since-1990.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Seems longer.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45Is it possible to believe that part of the reason they're going ahead to build these boats is to go,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47"Hey, look, people, here's these jobs we got!
0:05:47 > 0:05:52"We got all these jobs!" And when the boat's built, and the new administration is in,
0:05:52 > 0:05:54then all of a sudden we've lost all these jobs
0:05:54 > 0:05:56and it's these old people's fault.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59And the fact that these ships are being built in Scotland
0:05:59 > 0:06:03in constituencies quite near Gordon Brown's is a coincidence.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Hey, man, it's a comedy show!
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Yeah, the last Government certainly was.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:16 > 0:06:21You also have to think too, if you're the leader of the British Government,
0:06:21 > 0:06:24you're going around with other leaders around the world
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and they've got new aircraft carriers.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30How does it look if you're out there and you've got this old aircraft carrier?
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I mean, they won't say nothing,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36but you know they're thinking it, you know?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38APPLAUSE
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Other countries will be able to use these.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43- The French are going to use them. - Really?- Yeah.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47That'll be handy for landing in England.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51It could be just like a bridge, they could just walk across.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55They're going to be adapted to their...
0:06:55 > 0:07:00- What, bigger kitchens and swanky chefs?- Yeah.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Less showers. Yeah.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Fewer showers. Honestly! - Oh, sorry, fewer showers.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:09 > 0:07:13If there's one thing I hate, it's ungrammatical racism.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Helicopters can land on water anyway.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- They just have those floats on the bottom?- I've seen those.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21That's much cheaper than building two aircraft carriers, surely.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25You think we should just have a load of bigger rubber dinghies
0:07:25 > 0:07:27for them to... That'd be cheap, wouldn't it?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31If you just put those floaty bits on the bottoms of helicopters...
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Or you know when you're on an aeroplane, the rubber slides that come down?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36No! The floaty bits!
0:07:36 > 0:07:41If British Airways is grounded, they're going to have a lot of those rubber bits they're not using.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43They could send them off to the Indian Ocean,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46the Mediterranean, and our helicopters can land on them.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49LAUGHTER
0:07:49 > 0:07:52No, they're like floaty bits!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56On the bottom of a helicopter! You can land on the water in them.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57JANET: Oh.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Have you never seen those on TV?
0:07:58 > 0:08:02No. Last time I went on a helicopter was... I'd better not say.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05The point of landing on a ship is you get refuelled.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09What was it about the last helicopter trip that you said you'd better not say?
0:08:09 > 0:08:15- It sounded quite interesting.- All right. I went horseracing and my hat was too big to get in the helicopter.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19- How did the horse get on?- I had a row with a mouthy pilot who said,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21"You're a safety hazard with that hat on."
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I went, "All right. I'm not taking it off.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26"I'll sit with my head sideways."
0:08:28 > 0:08:29I nearly got an neck injury.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33All the way from Battersea to Ascot like that.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Well, we're all in it together now, Janet.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40I think you've lost a bit of pension-based sympathy with that story.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43"My helicopter trip to Ascot".
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- That was ten years ago.- Did you use your Freedom Pass on it?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- I wasn't a pensioner ten years ago, Frank.- I never thought that.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- I can't believe...- I'm not that old.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56It's hard to believe you're a pensioner now.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Yeah, unlike Cliff Richard, I haven't got a crepe-y neck either.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00AUDIENCE: Ooh!
0:09:00 > 0:09:04No, don't tell me there are some Cliff fans in the audience!
0:09:04 > 0:09:08They're like the plague - they're everywhere you go.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11It was all very well you attacking the Government over spending cuts,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13but not Cliff Richard.
0:09:13 > 0:09:18To be fair, I think she's attacking the fans, who she has described as "like the plague".
0:09:20 > 0:09:25Which major international figure offered support for the Government's efforts to cut the deficit?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Oh, was it Arnold Schwarzenegger? - It was Arnold Schwarzenegger.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30That's because he was visiting London anyway.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33It was just another way of getting in the headlines.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Yeah, because...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Wait! Are you trying to say... he didn't mean it?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:43I made a documentary film with Arnie when he was just a body-builder
0:09:43 > 0:09:47and I am the woman who took Arnold Schwarzenegger to Gordon's Gym,
0:09:47 > 0:09:51and I had to sit there and feed him 25 doughnuts
0:09:51 > 0:09:54out of two big carrier bags.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58So if anyone know Arnold Schwarzenegger's mentality, it's me.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Now, interesting as that is...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06This is the kind of chat we supposed to be having in a bar.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12I've got a picture of me sitting, when I was several stone lighter,
0:10:12 > 0:10:16on Arnold Schwarzenegger's arm.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17What the hell are you talking about?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21- It's just that I know Arnold... - She was sitting on his arm.
0:10:21 > 0:10:27I was sitting on his arm, he's doing that bicep-y thing. And I'm poised...
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I thought you meant it was a ventriloquist act.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36Do you know what Cameron's joke was on the steps of Downing Street
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- about Arnie's visit? - Did he say, "I'll be back"?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Incredibly, he didn't. You would have put money on it, wouldn't you?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- What did he say?- He said...
0:10:47 > 0:10:48AUDIENCE GROANS
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Come on.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54According to the Telegraph, Arnold said...
0:10:58 > 0:11:01I mean, he said that like, "You don't want to be an economic girly-man".
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Like everybody knows that you don't want to do that.
0:11:04 > 0:11:09Like when he said that to Cameron, Cameron went, "Oh, shit! Do I look like that?"
0:11:10 > 0:11:16So the intelligence services are getting £1 billion more. Why?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- To combat cyber-terrorism. - Yes, cyber-terrorism.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23That's just another euphemism for spying on us morning, noon and night,
0:11:23 > 0:11:27because now they're going to track every time we log on to websites and every time we Google.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- Are they?- Yes, yes, yes.- Oh, dear!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32They're calling it cyber-terrorism.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36We thought we managed to get ID cards binned.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38They're back another way.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41They came back bigger, badder, meaner, stronger.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42I'm with you on this, Street-Porter.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46You're like a hero to me. Street-Porter!
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Don't get carried away.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Yes, ma'am.
0:11:49 > 0:11:56Would you like the rest of us just to subtly leave? Let the two of you just, you know...
0:11:56 > 0:12:00So this week BBC News decided to take to the streets
0:12:00 > 0:12:03to ask people where they thought the axe should fall.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06So let's have a look at the Great British public in action.
0:12:06 > 0:12:12We set up shop to find out what kind of savings people might be prepared to make.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- Could you do with a fortnightly bin collection?- No.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Could you do with fewer street lights at night?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- No.- Could you do with fewer libraries?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23No.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Quangos are being slashed. - What's a quango?
0:12:28 > 0:12:32It's a cross between a tango and a croissant.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Sounds all right.
0:12:34 > 0:12:39- I remember Johnny Kwango, the wrestler. Do you remember him?- Oh, yeah, he was very good, wasn't he?
0:12:39 > 0:12:44Yeah, he was in an automobile accident and couldn't get an erection after.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Luckily it's not one of the holds in professional wrestling, so...
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Not a legal hold anyway.- No, no.
0:12:52 > 0:12:56- He ended up with a half-nelson. - Really?
0:12:56 > 0:13:01Well, there's one quango that did go which I, personally,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03will miss quite a lot. That is the...
0:13:09 > 0:13:12I don't think a quango is what you think it is.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14No.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18How have the French been reacting to talk of cuts?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Strikes, riots on the streets.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Anger. "Angeur. Angeur."
0:13:23 > 0:13:26They say the word anger very much like that. "Angeur".
0:13:26 > 0:13:30They can't speak English like we do. I don't know why that is.
0:13:30 > 0:13:35You're quite right, though, they have been rioting and striking at petrol refineries.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- They love it.- They do. You can say what you like about the French.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40No, you can say what you like.
0:13:41 > 0:13:47There was a group of schoolchildren on the streets campaigning against an increased pension age.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I mean, that's forward-looking for you.
0:13:50 > 0:13:56The best news to come out of France recently is that Carla Bruni was told she wasn't welcome.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00The Pope didn't want to meet her, because Sarkozy, in a desperate bid
0:14:00 > 0:14:04to prop up his popularity ratings, flew off to Rome to meet the Pope
0:14:04 > 0:14:06and she wasn't allowed to come along.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Is she not a Catholic?
0:14:08 > 0:14:12She's a Catholic, but I think her past got in the way.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14She used to be a ho.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I don't think that remark will be going out.
0:14:18 > 0:14:23I don't know if the Pope should be worried about other people's pasts, necessarily.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25APPLAUSE
0:14:28 > 0:14:33And in the middle of their financial crisis, what's German Chancellor Angela Merkel been saying?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35"Multiculturalism doesn't work," is what she says.
0:14:35 > 0:14:41- But, you know, Germany kind of felt like that back in the '30s and '40s, didn't it?- Yeah.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44- That's not like a new thing for Germany?- No.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48We can't even get all mad with them. "Yeah, we kind of knew y'all felt like that."
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Just to put the icing on the cake, when she said it, she said it to...
0:14:55 > 0:14:56AUDIENCE GROANS
0:14:56 > 0:15:02- Oh-ho-ho!- That sounds like somebody was having a bad day and they had to talk to some kids
0:15:02 > 0:15:07and they might have said some things that they didn't have to say.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09A bad HERR day. Huh!
0:15:09 > 0:15:10AUDIENCE GROANS AND LAUGHS
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- Now see...- That's terrible!
0:15:12 > 0:15:15See?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16That was sexist.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18PAUL LAUGHS
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I mean, it wasn't hateful but it was sexist, though.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I mean... Cos I had said she had a bad day
0:15:25 > 0:15:27and then you made it to be a bad hair day...
0:15:27 > 0:15:28- Yeah, I...- Oh, no!
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- You were making fun out of her actual hair.- No, no.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35"Herr" as in German for "Mr", you know.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- Herr...- Oh!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- Like... Oh... Like... Oh, damn. - Yeah, yeah.- OK.
0:15:40 > 0:15:47I wasn't being sexist - I was dealing in racist stereotypes about the Germans, so...
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I apologise.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I'm sexist and I was projecting onto you.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Yes, this is the long-awaited Government Spending Review.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01After announcing the defence cuts, David Cameron rang the White House and made it clear that...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09To which the receptionist replied, "Thanks for the message.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11"And how are you spelling Cameron?"
0:16:12 > 0:16:15The Government has postponed the scrapping of our secret
0:16:15 > 0:16:19nuclear submarine, Trident, as no-one knows where it is.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26- Reg and Paul, here's yours. - Ah, finally.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31This is Mr Wayne Rooney, currently in trouble with his club, Manchester United.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33There's Alex Ferguson there.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- That's the World Cup. - That was the World Cup?- Yeah.- OK.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40And... I'm not sure what that's meant to symbolise.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Yes, there's two stories going on here, I think.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46That's Wayne Rooney now to avoid press attention.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50They've spotted him on a holiday in New Zealand.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Wayne Rooney wants to leave Manchester United.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Have you been following this at all? Do you follow football?
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I think Wayne Rooney's wife wants to leave Manchester.
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- That's what I think.- Yeah. - I just think that, you know, when she walks around,
0:17:01 > 0:17:06she'll get people she don't even know coming up to her, giving her advice about her life.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I think she probably thinks, "They won't talk to me like this in Spain."
0:17:09 > 0:17:14Well, there is the trouble if he gets... You know, Spain...
0:17:14 > 0:17:17He's not really very good at English particularly,
0:17:17 > 0:17:19so Spanish will be a bit of a problem.
0:17:19 > 0:17:25He doesn't know the Spanish for, "Is it extra if you keep your teeth in?" So we don't know.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27We just don't know.
0:17:27 > 0:17:33American Fox Sports Network was one of the first to report that Rooney would be leaving his current club.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37It said... The headline:
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I'm not sure they quite got the significance of the colloquialism.
0:17:50 > 0:17:55- I have to admit, it don't sound like a real swearword to us.- No?
0:17:55 > 0:18:00And even when y'all do swear, y'all make swear words sound more classy.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04Like "ass". We say "ass" and y'all say "arse".
0:18:04 > 0:18:09It sounds like you're asking someone across the table to pass over some special sauce.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11"Can I have a piece of that arse?"
0:18:15 > 0:18:20What are the possible reasons for the big fall-out between Alex Ferguson and Wayne Rooney?
0:18:20 > 0:18:25I thought he asked for a lot more money and then he was told, "You can't have more money."
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- So he's going somewhere else. - The big argument was that Rooney contradicted Alex Ferguson
0:18:29 > 0:18:34over the state of his ankle, something you should never do, according to the Mirror.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36It said:
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Sir Alex is a bad dude, ain't he?
0:18:42 > 0:18:47Wayne also apparently thinks that Manchester United are in decline. Do you know what he said?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- IN THICK LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT: - Er, Manchester United in decline.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00He said...
0:19:03 > 0:19:09Psychotic hard man Roy Keane has been giving advice to Wayne.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Roy said...
0:19:18 > 0:19:19It's actually a haiku.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24Where did he pick up this taste for the Japanese literature?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Man United played a couple of friendlies in Japan.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I think that was when he wrote,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32"An aeroplane, a stewardess, it's dark
0:19:32 > 0:19:35"A feeling of dread fell across me."
0:19:35 > 0:19:37LAUGHTER
0:19:37 > 0:19:38That's economy for you.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45What was the Chilean president doing at Old Trafford this week?
0:19:45 > 0:19:50Doing a world tour of thanking people and giving them pieces of rock from the bottom of the mine.
0:19:50 > 0:19:55Receiving a signed Man United shirt for each of the 33 miners.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Are they Man United fans?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Probably not. But, er...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00they are fans of eBay.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Oh, right.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04APPLAUSE
0:20:08 > 0:20:12So what's the big international football scandal of the week?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Oh, yes, there was a couple of members of FIFA
0:20:14 > 0:20:18who wanted to accept bribes in order to influence their vote
0:20:18 > 0:20:23- on who would host the World Cup in...2018, I think it is.- Mm-hm.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25It was all a Sunday Times sting, in the end.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Undercover reporters were introduced to the FIFA officials
0:20:28 > 0:20:32by a FIFA fixer called...
0:20:35 > 0:20:37I like a name you can dance to.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40And his brother, Be-bop.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42LAUGHTER
0:20:44 > 0:20:49So, more problems for FIFA President Sepp Blatter, on top of this other humiliation.
0:20:57 > 0:21:02- Get up laughing. That's the only way you can come back from something like that.- Yeah.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- Or continually do it all night and pretend it's... - It's the thing you do.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- I just do this, I just do this, argh! - Exactly.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12After the 50th time of doing it, everybody would just accept it.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16A few people would start doing it, cos people kind of weak.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- They're looking for a leader. - They are.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21I like the idea that he could have turned that round.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Come back up and go, "Ah-ha!"
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Old Sepp, he's a card!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Could've jumped up with, "I bet you all thought I fell!"
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Or he comes up and he's wearing a wig!
0:21:35 > 0:21:41Blond wig, starts doing impressions. Marilyn Monroe!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45It'd be good, but it would take some degree of preparation to pull that off.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- He's got to have the props on him. - Yeah, yeah.- Absolutely.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- Worth thinking - always carry a wig in case you fall over.- Exactly.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55It explains a multitude of sins.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59What did we learn about one of Chelsea's footballers this week?
0:21:59 > 0:22:00He was born in England?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- Don't be ridiculous. - It's about Vanessa...?
0:22:05 > 0:22:09- It is.- About Vanessa Perroncel who gave an interview to the Today programme
0:22:09 > 0:22:14about how she'd never had a physical relationship with John Terry.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- Do you want see the apologies from the tabloids?- Yeah.
0:22:34 > 0:22:40Vanessa was helped by Max Clifford...media guru, we call him.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Here's a shot of them at their...
0:22:42 > 0:22:46I have to say, I am absolutely loving Max's jacket.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50JANET: It looks a bit road mender, doesn't he?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Well, if you look closely, he's got all the fabrics.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- There's like...knitted collar and sleeves.- Yeah.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Then he's got a leather quilted chest panel.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04And then some suede frontage.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- REG: Great. - Are you some sort of girly man?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Yes, it's been another turbulent week in the world of football.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19FIFA was in shock after it was alleged by the Sunday Times
0:23:19 > 0:23:25that officials took bribes for World Cup votes. One accused of bribery was Mr Amos Adamu from Nigeria,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27who claimed it was for his country.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31If he wants money for his country, he should go through the usual channels -
0:23:31 > 0:23:36send out a load of bogus e-mails saying he's just come into a fortune, etc, etc.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43There was an important High Court decision regarding the ownership of Liverpool FC this week.
0:23:43 > 0:23:48Hundreds of Liverpool fans turned up at the High Court to see Liverpool win an historic victory.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Well, where else are they going to go?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Some of the fans drove down to the High Court,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57but most of them caught the regular shuttle bus.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02John Henry, the owner of the Boston Red Sox,
0:24:02 > 0:24:05said he felt an immediate affinity with his adopted city
0:24:05 > 0:24:10when he found out how many people in Liverpool own a baseball bat.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13And so to round two, the picture spin quiz.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21BUZZER
0:24:21 > 0:24:26- It's Nigella Lawson standing next to an oven...- Oh, I know. Her oven blew up.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31- We can say that from the picture! It's not really specialist knowledge.- Yes.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Yes, she had a dinner party with quite a famous guest.
0:24:33 > 0:24:40This was in a period of the late '80s, early '90s, when this guest was particularly sought after.
0:24:40 > 0:24:45- Ah, Salman Rushdie.- Yes. - And her oven exploded.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- And loads of security men arrived, millions of them.- That is correct.
0:24:48 > 0:24:54And, as you say, seven secret servicemen. Oh, it's like round the ragged rat the ragged...
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Seven secret servicemen supped soup from the Serpentine.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00APPLAUSE
0:25:00 > 0:25:04That's the first thing I've said all night that they've liked.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08It's the first thing you've said that came close to making sense, really.
0:25:10 > 0:25:16- Does Nigella deserve the domestic goddess label? According to her?- No.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Can we define once and for all what a domestic goddess is?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23It's someone who is extremely competent with all things in the home.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Yeah.- What was the Jerry Hall thing? A whore in the bedroom...- Oh.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29Jerry Hall...
0:25:29 > 0:25:31LAUGHTER
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Can we have a Jerry Hall-free show?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36No.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Up till 30 seconds ago, we were doing very well.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Now it seems to be impossible.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48You should've mentioned it earlier. We'd have been all right, then.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50You've got to be warned about these things.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53To be fair, most shows do fall into that category.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58She's been everywhere flogging her paintings and now she's flogging her coffee-table book.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- Who?- Jerry Hall.- I thought you didn't want to talk about her!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05Oh, sorry.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Can I tell you about Nigella not being a domestic goddess?- Yes.
0:26:09 > 0:26:15She stood up at a literary festival and said, "I'm a slut at home. I'm useless at all the domestic chores."
0:26:15 > 0:26:19But she's had enough. She's saying, "I'm not a domestic goddess. Do not worship me."
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I'd love to be worshipped - I can't see anything wrong in that.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25You should hang out with gay men.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29They're always good when they come round and rearrange your cushions and everything.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Well, I've heard some terms for it!
0:26:39 > 0:26:45I'll be impressed if you get this. How does Nigella know when her cheesecake is done?
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Does the producer say, "It's done now, Nigella"(?)
0:26:49 > 0:26:52She knows it's done when there's...
0:26:56 > 0:27:01- You don't want your inner thigh to be wibbling. My thighs are like nut crackers.- How do you know?
0:27:01 > 0:27:06Because I was president of the Ramblers and I'm walking nine miles a week at the moment.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08What a waste of a bus pass that is.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10LAUGHTER
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Yes, so on a similar subject, who is this?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16- This is a magical pony that lives in...- That's correct.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19..er...Tower Hamlets.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER
0:27:20 > 0:27:22No, this is Butterscotch the pony.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- A toy pony.- Oh, yeah.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27In case you can't tell, from that picture(!)
0:27:27 > 0:27:30He caused a security scare when he was found
0:27:30 > 0:27:33loitering outside a school in Florida.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36And this was how they dealt with Butterscotch.
0:27:36 > 0:27:42They sent in a special robotic security device -
0:27:42 > 0:27:45it's absolutely true - to check Butterscotch out.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48That's all the area that had to be cleared.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50The police closed off the roads.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52And then they did this.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54GASPS OF HORROR
0:27:54 > 0:27:56LAUGHTER
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Let's see that one again, shall we?
0:28:04 > 0:28:06My Little Explosion!
0:28:12 > 0:28:14You never know, man.
0:28:14 > 0:28:20Terrorists might have left that there. That might have been a decoy butterscotch horse.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24Terrorists who use ponies, it'll be.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26Sort of Al-Gymkhana.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28LAUGHTER
0:28:30 > 0:28:33A few laughed, 40 people went...
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:28:41 > 0:28:43BELL
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Yeah, this is the new installation in the Turbine Hall at Tate Modern.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48And, at huge cost,
0:28:48 > 0:28:53the entire floor was covered in tiny porcelain seeds,
0:28:53 > 0:28:59and in exactly 24 hours, after the thing had been opened for the public to mingle with the porcelain seeds,
0:28:59 > 0:29:03it was closed, as a health hazard.
0:29:04 > 0:29:08So, you can look at it, but you can't actually touch it.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11It's interactive art, but you've got to stand behind a rope.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Do you know what the health hazard was?
0:29:15 > 0:29:20The porcelain seeds gave off a fine dust, which they said might trigger off an asthma attack.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24- Does anyone know the name of the artist?- I think he's Ai We-Wo.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27- Ai Weiwei he's called.- Yeah. I knew that. Yeah.
0:29:27 > 0:29:30There he is, with a handful of his seed.
0:29:30 > 0:29:34- He did the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing...- Oh, did he?
0:29:34 > 0:29:37- ..which is incredible. - JANET: Better than our one.
0:29:37 > 0:29:40The stadium looks like something from IKEA, compared to that.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43Ai Weiwei versus IKEA - that's a story!
0:29:45 > 0:29:47APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:29:47 > 0:29:52Ai Weiwei also staged an exhibition in Shanghai called Fuck Off.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56How were attendance figures?
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- It was generally shunned.- Was it?
0:30:01 > 0:30:07- Speaking of art, how has Laura Hadland entered the Guinness Book Of Records this week?- Er...
0:30:07 > 0:30:14She is...the youngest oldest smallest tallest biggest tiniest artist there's ever been.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- No.- No.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18She made a...
0:30:23 > 0:30:25As a birthday present.
0:30:25 > 0:30:28- That's quite a good likeness. - It's a beauty.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32JANET: You could use that for police profiling on Crimewatch.
0:30:33 > 0:30:35That's a new low-tech way of doing it.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38What, butter the toast of the man who attacked you in the park?
0:30:40 > 0:30:43How do you think the Metro captioned that picture?
0:30:43 > 0:30:44REGINALD: Oh...
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Toast of the art world?
0:30:46 > 0:30:51- That's actually better than what they came up with. - Crumbs - it's modern art?
0:30:51 > 0:30:54- No.- Mother's Pride!- Aha!
0:30:54 > 0:30:56No.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Jowly-cheeked woman captured in toast?
0:31:00 > 0:31:02- I think that was the sub-heading. - Oh.
0:31:02 > 0:31:05I'm ashamed to say it now, cos it's not as good as any of those.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08AUDIENCE AND PANEL GROAN
0:31:09 > 0:31:11- That's dreadful!- Reg loved it!
0:31:12 > 0:31:19Best one I ever saw was Elvis Presley in a slice of cake and the headline in the Sun was...
0:31:19 > 0:31:21In The Gateau.
0:31:21 > 0:31:22LAUGHTER
0:31:22 > 0:31:24Absolutely marvellous.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27Yes, it's the exhibit at the Tate Modern that has been closed
0:31:27 > 0:31:31amid fears that exposure to dust from it can damage your health.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35The sunflower seeds were made by 1,600 porcelain workers in the city of Jingdezhen.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37According to the Independent...
0:31:41 > 0:31:45..which, amusingly, were also made by Chinese slave labour.
0:31:46 > 0:31:51According to the Times art critic, the exhibit makes you ask yourself big questions, such as...
0:31:59 > 0:32:01And why am I coughing up blood?
0:32:05 > 0:32:08Time now for the odd-one-out round. Just one this week.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Prince Philip.
0:32:10 > 0:32:11Florence Cameron.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13George the Blue Peter tortoise.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17And Swaziland's Justice Minister, Ndumiso Mamba.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18BELL
0:32:18 > 0:32:23The Swaziland Justice Minister was found by his king
0:32:23 > 0:32:25in the queen's bedroom.
0:32:25 > 0:32:27In a sort of drawer...
0:32:27 > 0:32:28AUDIENCE TITTER
0:32:28 > 0:32:30..underneath the bed.
0:32:30 > 0:32:34- Cos he was... He shouldn't have been in there, really.- I think little baby Florence doesn't have
0:32:34 > 0:32:37a proper bed. She's sleeping in a box.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41And the Blue Peter tortoise, does he sleep in a drawer?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43A box, cardboard box?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46For a lot of the year. And Prince Philip isn't.
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- So...- He's the odd one out. - He's the odd one out.
0:32:49 > 0:32:53Prince Philip looked like someone from the PG Tips advert.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:32:57 > 0:33:00Is it...is it about being found in the Queen's bedroom?
0:33:00 > 0:33:06- Are you saying none of them have been found in the Queen's bedroom? - The Queen of Swaziland's bedroom.
0:33:06 > 0:33:11- Oh, the Queen of Swaziland's bedroom.- So are all those people in the Queen of Swaziland's bedroom?
0:33:11 > 0:33:15Have I got that story completely wrong? If so, I want to ring my lawyer.
0:33:15 > 0:33:16LAUGHTER
0:33:16 > 0:33:19Those apologies are SO embarrassing. Um...
0:33:19 > 0:33:23You must have a standard form, surely?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:33:25 > 0:33:28The Swaziland element, you have correct.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30But you don't have the answer.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32- There's one black dude up there. - Yeah!
0:33:35 > 0:33:38And he may or may not work for the Halifax Building Society.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40LAUGHTER
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Can you imagine, if someone's watching Have I Got News For You,
0:33:46 > 0:33:49and the odd one out is... because he's black!
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Well, you know, what else is there?
0:33:52 > 0:33:54They've all slept in a box,
0:33:54 > 0:33:59apart from Swaziland's Justice Minister Ndumiso Mamba,
0:33:59 > 0:34:03who was wide awake when he was discovered hiding in the base of the queen's bed, who was his mistress.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06"Oh, man, how did I wind up here?"
0:34:06 > 0:34:08LAUGHTER
0:34:10 > 0:34:13Is that you, dawg? Is that you? Oh, man!
0:34:15 > 0:34:21In 1922, an 18-month-old Prince Philip was rescued from war-torn Corfu in an orange box.
0:34:21 > 0:34:25How did Prince Philip get into trouble on a recent trip to Scotland?
0:34:25 > 0:34:27It was something about, um...
0:34:27 > 0:34:30- tartan underpants, wasn't it? - Oh, yes!
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Noticing the tartan tie of Iain Gray, the leader of the Scottish Labour Party,
0:34:34 > 0:34:38Prince Philip casually leant over to Annabel Goldie, his Tory counterpart, and asked...
0:34:43 > 0:34:47Baby Florence Cameron slept in a cardboard box after being born early
0:34:47 > 0:34:49while the Camerons were holidaying in Cornwall.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51It was said to be a joyful birth.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55When Baby Florence was born, the midwife slapped David Cameron.
0:34:56 > 0:35:03- Can you remember any of George the tortoise's notable achievements on Blue Peter?- Its achievements?
0:35:03 > 0:35:07The tortoise crossed the studio floor between 1968 and 1975.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11I'm embarrassed to read this now. It was...
0:35:11 > 0:35:14- How do you think the tortoise feels? - He was trodden on
0:35:14 > 0:35:17- by presenter Mark Curry... - Is that an achievement?
0:35:17 > 0:35:22Well...it's never happened to me! And more impressively,
0:35:22 > 0:35:25he once peed on Kriss Akabusi.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26LAUGHTER
0:35:26 > 0:35:29Wouldn't have thought he'd have caught him, would you?
0:35:30 > 0:35:35- He must have been lying in wait. - I hate it when they do that. - Yeah, behind a tree.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38I've got all day.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41LAUGHTER
0:35:41 > 0:35:46Yes, they've all slept in a box apart from Swaziland's Justice Minister Ndumiso Mamba
0:35:46 > 0:35:50who was wide awake when he was discovered hiding in the base of his mistress the queen's bed.
0:35:50 > 0:35:54According to an African newspaper, Mr Mamba was accused of...
0:35:58 > 0:36:00LAUGHTER
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Not going to bother.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06Time now for the missing words round, which this week features
0:36:06 > 0:36:09Lower Extremity Review.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14One of the leading bottom-shelf magazines!
0:36:14 > 0:36:16And we start with...
0:36:18 > 0:36:19Invite lodgers?
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Fill up your shoes.
0:36:23 > 0:36:24Roomy socks fill up your shoes?!
0:36:27 > 0:36:30Even for a foot magazine, that's a poor headline, isn't it?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Is this Wayne ROOMY?
0:36:34 > 0:36:37It's a piece of graffiti - "Roomy socks".
0:36:37 > 0:36:42- That's what's happened to spelling in this country.- It's today.
0:36:42 > 0:36:43The answer is...
0:36:44 > 0:36:48This is an advert from Lower Extremity Review for roomy socks.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51They are American-made and come in four sizes -
0:36:51 > 0:36:54large, extra-large, massive and Channel Five documentary.
0:36:56 > 0:36:57Next...
0:36:59 > 0:37:01Plums.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04- Nearly. - JANET: Damsons.
0:37:04 > 0:37:06It's actually...
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Not that nearly.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17Graham Tranter of Bridgnorth has grown a cabbage that weighs 70lbs.
0:37:17 > 0:37:22This exceeds the recommended daily intake of cabbage by 70lbs.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Glastonbury.
0:37:28 > 0:37:29- It is Glastonbury.- Oh, yes.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32Because in 2012, we're going to have
0:37:32 > 0:37:33a Portaloo shortage.
0:37:33 > 0:37:36Michael Eavis has announced they can't hold Glastonbury,
0:37:36 > 0:37:40because they can't get enough Portaloos, cos they'll all be at the Olympics.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43Why are we training Portaloos to represent us at the Olympics?
0:37:45 > 0:37:502012's Glastonbury Festival Portaloos have been commandeered for use in the Olympics.
0:37:50 > 0:37:56At the recent Commonwealth Games, thousands of Portaloos were used by athletes...as bedrooms. Next...
0:38:00 > 0:38:01Swarm over Ann Widdecombe.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04LAUGHTER
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Desperate for her flesh.
0:38:08 > 0:38:09REG: Go to Ibiza.
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Prefer roomy socks.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- Is it, go on the web? - Oh, don't be ridiculous!
0:38:17 > 0:38:19It's...
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Next...
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Really big feet.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30- You're in the right ball park now. - Huge shins.
0:38:30 > 0:38:31Huge shins!
0:38:33 > 0:38:34It's...
0:38:36 > 0:38:40This is an article by the editor of Lower Extremity Review, Jordana Foster, who says,
0:38:40 > 0:38:45"As entertaining as it may be to debate the relative merits of flip-flops..."
0:38:45 > 0:38:47That's enough of that!
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Next...
0:38:54 > 0:38:55Anal.
0:38:55 > 0:38:58LAUGHTER
0:39:07 > 0:39:10I've been trying to dispel that myth for years!
0:39:10 > 0:39:12LAUGHTER
0:39:12 > 0:39:14That is incorrect.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17Is it amputation?
0:39:17 > 0:39:18No.
0:39:20 > 0:39:25This is from Lower Extremity Review, surprise, surprise! And comes from an article about bunion removal
0:39:25 > 0:39:28in their cut-out-and-keep section.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Next...
0:39:33 > 0:39:36Sir Alex Ferguson's nose, for breach of copyright.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41It's actually...
0:39:41 > 0:39:43This is the council worker dressed up as a tomato
0:39:43 > 0:39:46who was injured when the Lord Mayor of Belfast
0:39:46 > 0:39:48tried to jump over her.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51It's probably a Protestant thing, isn't it?
0:39:55 > 0:39:57..Dear Doctor...
0:39:57 > 0:40:01It does sound like a condition, someone would say,
0:40:01 > 0:40:04"Oh, man, I think I've got a cluffy wedge."
0:40:05 > 0:40:08I don't think you are going to get it. It's...
0:40:14 > 0:40:16- We were close.- Yeah.
0:40:16 > 0:40:22This is from Lower Extremity Review, which I think has dumbed down quite a lot recently.
0:40:22 > 0:40:27So, the final scores - Ian and Janet have 7 points, Paul and Reg have 2.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29APPLAUSE
0:40:33 > 0:40:37But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Ian and Janet have this.
0:40:39 > 0:40:42The one on the right says, "I'm sick of hearing about Jerry Hall!"
0:40:44 > 0:40:47- The one on the left looks like he might have a cluffy wedge!- Yeah.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:40:52 > 0:40:54OK, then Paul and Reg get that.
0:40:54 > 0:40:59Er...the one on the left saying, "I'm just going into the woods, I won't be long."
0:41:02 > 0:41:06On which note, we say thank you to our panellists Ian Hislop and Janet Street-Porter,
0:41:06 > 0:41:11Paul Merton and Reginald D Hunter. And I leave you with news that, at a conference in Tangiers,
0:41:11 > 0:41:15David Cameron suddenly remembers that the President of Morocco also went to Eton.
0:41:21 > 0:41:24As filming begins on the new Winnie The Pooh movie,
0:41:24 > 0:41:28one of the stars complains to his agent about having to work in damp conditions.
0:41:32 > 0:41:36And at a Labour Party coffee morning, Ed Miliband suddenly wonders
0:41:36 > 0:41:39if the good-luck gift from his brother really is a fudge cake.
0:41:42 > 0:41:44Good night!
0:42:10 > 0:42:14Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:42:14 > 0:42:18E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk