0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains very strong language
0:00:25 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42I'm Damian Lewis.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46In the news this week... In a local branch of Waterstones,
0:00:46 > 0:00:47one customer is disappointed
0:00:47 > 0:00:51to discover that they have no more copies of the latest Razzle annual.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59In London, engineers working on the Crossrail tunnel
0:00:59 > 0:01:02fear they may have veered a bit too close to the surface.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12And after describing David Cameron and George Osborne
0:01:12 > 0:01:16as "arrogant posh boys who are out of touch", Nadine Dorries
0:01:16 > 0:01:19is invited to discuss the matter over a kitchen supper at Number Ten.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43It's still going!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47With Ian tonight is a naturalist
0:01:47 > 0:01:51and broadcaster who has been seen on Springwatch, Autumnwatch
0:01:51 > 0:01:55and if he lurks round in people's gardens much longer - Crimewatch.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59- Please welcome Chris Packham. - Thank you.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:07And with Paul tonight, a Scottish comedian who grew up in Glasgow,
0:02:07 > 0:02:11then worked as a lawyer in America with convicts on death row,
0:02:11 > 0:02:16though they still had a longer life expectancy than people in Glasgow.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Please welcome Susan Calman.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19APPLAUSE
0:02:24 > 0:02:28And we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Paul and Susan, please take a look at this.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Oh, yes, this is our friend Jeremy, Jeremy Hunt.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35He's got into a lot of bother there.
0:02:35 > 0:02:40This is a rather subtle allusion to the fact that he regarded himself
0:02:40 > 0:02:42as a cheerleader for the Murdoch empire.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46There are people with puppet heads, James Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And there's the kiss from Judas!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54Yes, I'm a bit embarrassed about this because Jeremy what's his name
0:02:54 > 0:02:56came to my show in Edinburgh a couple of years ago.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59A member of my audience wouldn't deliberately mislead anybody,
0:02:59 > 0:03:04so I'm quite willing to believe everything he says.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- That's you and David Cameron?- Yes.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09If the Prime Minister thinks he's OK, that's good enough for me.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I'm quite naive about these things.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13The Prime Minister's had a very good track record.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- Andy Coulson was OK. - He was all right, wasn't he?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Yeah.- Till he wasn't. - Until he wasn't.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20What's your reading of the situation, Mr Hislop?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Do you know, I don't think
0:03:22 > 0:03:24the Government come out very well out of this.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28It does appear that they were so far up Mr Murdoch's bottom,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31you couldn't see any of their heads.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35This is the Leveson inquiry, and it was a shocking day.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Mr Hunt was the Culture Secretary, in charge of the bid for BSkyB,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40and yet his office
0:03:40 > 0:03:43was giving information all the way through to the Murdochs.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Why hasn't he gone?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Well, he's there as a firewall, isn't he?
0:03:48 > 0:03:52If he goes, Mr Cameron is looking very shaky.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55It's like that thing of when everybody gets annoyed with each other
0:03:55 > 0:03:56and they end up kicking the dog.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- James Hunt has dismissed his private adviser.- James Hunt?!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01LAUGHTER
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Why am I asking this man?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08He's got no idea.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11He's mixed a Formula 1 racing driver with the Culture Secretary.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15Mind you, if you're going to get his name wrong, best to get his first name wrong rather than his second.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20I think I was trying hard not to get his second name wrong.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You're all right in the zone.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25This is the news that the Leveson Inquiry
0:04:25 > 0:04:27has finally perked up at long last.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29What do you mean, finally perked up?
0:04:29 > 0:04:33There have been some notably excellent...witness statements.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39You turned up in the happy position of having nothing to hide.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Yeah, but I had no idea it was going to get this good.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Murdoch today - selective amnesia.
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Fabulous! The medics must be having a field day.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53"Can you remember anything about phone hacking?" "No."
0:04:53 > 0:04:57"Can you remember how badly all the politicians have behaved?"
0:04:57 > 0:04:58"Yeah, I bloody well can!"
0:05:02 > 0:05:04It's a one-man show, this.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09So what's emerged about the Culture Secretary, Jeremy Hunt,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- and a SPAD called Adam Smith? - It's just that thing
0:05:11 > 0:05:14where you sack the person below you. Jeremy Hunt sacks him,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Cameron will sack Jeremy Hunt and then we'll sack Cameron.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21And everyone will be happy.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Difficult to believe that Jeremy Hunt doesn't know anything
0:05:24 > 0:05:25from his special adviser.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28The explanation is that it was just one rogue adviser.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32It's a Channel 5 movie in the making, isn't it?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Rogue Special Adviser!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36You could take over the part of Adam Smith.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I don't know if you would like it? There's less nudity.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I do like to be nude if I can be.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I know, I've watched Homeland.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I'll never watch it again with my mother after the first episode.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54- Is she in it?- No! It was just quite a shock
0:05:54 > 0:05:57when I watched it. I've seen more of Damian's body
0:05:57 > 0:05:59than I have of any man in my life, to be honest.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- It's lovely.- Yeah?- Well done.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03LAUGHTER
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I feel very honoured.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08APPLAUSE
0:06:08 > 0:06:12In the cache of e-mails - you know, "What does Mr Hunt think?" -
0:06:12 > 0:06:15there seems to be a tiny moment where it's not going Murdoch's way.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16So there's another e-mail saying,
0:06:16 > 0:06:20"Rebekah Brooks has rung up the Chancellor, George Osborne."
0:06:20 > 0:06:22So they've just gone over his head.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25It is quite shocking in its way. Aren't you shocked?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- I'm terribly shocked. - You watch badgers most of the time.
0:06:28 > 0:06:32I've been watching too many badgers this week. I've clearly missed
0:06:32 > 0:06:35something absolutely intriguing on the television.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I'm amazed how assiduously you've obviously watched this.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41It's giving you a great deal of trouble, isn't it?
0:06:41 > 0:06:42This is what interests me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I mean, you watch the foxes and say, "Look, he's going in the hole".
0:06:45 > 0:06:49And then you sit there for three and a half months and say,
0:06:49 > 0:06:50"Look, he's coming out again".
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I've got to be honest with you.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58When the fox comes out, it's not the same fox, and we just lie about it.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03What's French Fred?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05He's the PR man who is working for Murdoch,
0:07:05 > 0:07:09- who is writing half of these e-mails.- That's right.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12And by way of illustration, here's an e-mail from Frederic Michel
0:07:12 > 0:07:15to his boss, James Murdoch, sent on November 15th, 2010.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41After being congratulated by Monsieur Michel
0:07:41 > 0:07:43on a job well done on the television,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46how did Jeremy Hunt respond?
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Treat us. There's so many goodies.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58And now, career practically over, he can have a coffee whenever he likes.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03One e-mail brought gasps from people at the Leveson Inquiry
0:08:03 > 0:08:07when it was read out by Robert Jay. I love Robert Jay, QC.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I'm developing a bit of man love for him.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13It's the way he goes through the tabs, isn't it?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17"I believe this is...bundle 38.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20"Tab seven".
0:08:20 > 0:08:22("You lying bastard").
0:08:26 > 0:08:29So yes, it brought gasps and Frederic Michel,
0:08:29 > 0:08:31he told James Murdoch he had...
0:08:34 > 0:08:36On the sort of thing Jeremy Hunt
0:08:36 > 0:08:39would be announcing to Parliament the following day, adding...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I think that's supposed to be a wink.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45I thought it was the smiley face to start with.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49It means "more than" in the field of science.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- So they knew it was more than illegal.- Yes.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54It could be a high-speed train knocking over a lamppost.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57That's part of modern life now, isn't it?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00If you put a LOL at the end of something, it means it's funny.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"I'm going to come and kill you in your sleep, LOL."
0:09:03 > 0:09:06A bit worrying if your name is Lol.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08How did James Murdoch respond
0:09:08 > 0:09:11when this was read out to him at the Leveson Inquiry?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15He said it was a joke, but given that he is a Dalek, um...
0:09:15 > 0:09:18I mean, he talks purely in management speak.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20He sort of pours bullshit on everything
0:09:20 > 0:09:24until there's nothing understandable left and everyone wants to die.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Don't ever do his PR.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31"He's great, he pours bullshit over everything
0:09:31 > 0:09:32"and then everybody wants to die.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34"Book him!"
0:09:34 > 0:09:39Great after-dinner speech. You'll never get to the dessert.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Anyway, the idea that he could spot a joke made me laugh.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44I don't know, I think he's got a very good sense of humour.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46There he is.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52How has Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt
0:09:52 > 0:09:56answered calls for his inevitable resignation?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59He stuck his fingers in his ears and said "I can't hear you"?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01He claims to have handled the matter with...
0:10:03 > 0:10:06And has warned against knee-jerk reactions.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Talking of reactions and jerks,
0:10:08 > 0:10:13what has Ed Miliband been saying about the Culture Minister?
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Let's have a look.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15He was providing advice,
0:10:15 > 0:10:19guidance and privileged access to News Corporation.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22He was being a back channel for the Murdochs.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Sounds unpleasant.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Although ironically,
0:10:29 > 0:10:32almost the opposite of the name he's usually called.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Let's remind ourselves of that one more time, shall we?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37First up after the news, we'll be talking to Jeremy Cunt -
0:10:37 > 0:10:39er, Hunt, the Culture Secretary, about...
0:10:39 > 0:10:40HE COUGHS
0:10:40 > 0:10:42..broadband.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48It's eight o'clock on Monday 6th December.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51American officials have condemned Wikileaks
0:10:51 > 0:10:53after the website published a list of hundreds of facilities
0:10:53 > 0:10:55said to be vital for American security.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58(VOICE SHAKES) Every community in Britain...
0:10:58 > 0:11:00SPEECH DROWNED BY LAUGHTER
0:11:00 > 0:11:03..the fastest...broadband networks within five years.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Excuse me.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08He's not a Glaswegian, is he?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11No, I don't think so, but the Scots can say the c-word
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- particularly well. - With maximum impact.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16It's a term of endearment.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19It's in the marriage vows in Glasgow.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20It is. It is.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26According to a journalist who worked for Murdoch's Wall Street Journal,
0:11:26 > 0:11:28how did Jeremy Hunt avoid being seen
0:11:28 > 0:11:30arriving for a private dinner with James Murdoch?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32He hid behind a tree.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33That's right.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46So James Murdoch did tell the inquiry
0:11:46 > 0:11:49that he definitely did discuss
0:11:49 > 0:11:52the proposed takeover of BSkyB with David Cameron
0:11:52 > 0:11:57at a Christmas party at Rebekah Brooks' house in December 2010,
0:11:57 > 0:12:00something David Cameron has always denied.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Although Murdoch said it wasn't...
0:12:03 > 0:12:04More of a...
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Something like "Will it go through, David?" "Yes, James".
0:12:11 > 0:12:12"Mince pie?" "Lovely".
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Meanwhile, what did Rupert
0:12:17 > 0:12:23contribute to the Leveson Inquiry yesterday and today?
0:12:23 > 0:12:27He basically shafted all the prime ministers of this country for the last 40 years.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30He said they were all pathetic, they all sucked up to him.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32There was a fascinating point when he insinuated
0:12:32 > 0:12:34that Gordon Brown was slightly mad,
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and he declared war on the Murdochs.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38No-one else has suggested that.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43If you want a Fife man declaring war on you,
0:12:43 > 0:12:45it would sound quite aggressive.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Scottish people can sound aggressive without meaning it.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49That's the problem.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52For example, if I said "THAT'S a pretty baby",
0:12:52 > 0:12:53that just sounds aggressive.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56I mean, as you say,
0:12:56 > 0:12:58a hard Scottish accent can sound aggressive.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Other accents, for example a Midlands accent, you know,
0:13:01 > 0:13:05it's impossible to convey any sense of drama in a Midlands accent.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08(BRUMMIE ACCENT) "Oh, no, the building's on fire".
0:13:08 > 0:13:11There's no sense of drama or emergency.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17Finally, at long last, who wants to see a lingering shot
0:13:17 > 0:13:20of former News Of The World chief reporter Neville Thurlbeck,
0:13:20 > 0:13:23he of the infamous "for Neville" e-mails, on Newsnight?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25You should have a look at this.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Joining us now, Neville Thurlbeck, the former News Editor
0:13:28 > 0:13:31and Chief Reporter at the News Of The World.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33He is now the PR manager for Talking To Minds, a PTSD charity.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Neville Thurlbeck was arrested over allegations of his involvement
0:13:37 > 0:13:41in phone hacking and is bailed until next month.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Mr Sinister's in the building.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51This is the appearance of the Murdochs at the Leveson Inquiry,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54which heaped more pressure on Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary,
0:13:54 > 0:13:58or if you're watching the repeat, the former Culture Secretary.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Or if you're watching on Dave in a year's time,
0:14:00 > 0:14:03the executive director of BSkyB.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06APPLAUSE
0:14:09 > 0:14:12The story dominated the front pages on Wednesday.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14The Mirror went with...
0:14:16 > 0:14:17The Telegraph went with...
0:14:18 > 0:14:19The Guardian went with...
0:14:20 > 0:14:22And the Sun went with...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Although to be fair, it was an amazing game.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30- Ian, you're a Tottenham fan, aren't you?- Very much.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32So if Chelsea win...
0:14:32 > 0:14:33The big thing tonight...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Not tonight.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36May 24th.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- ..That'll be terrible for us. - Yeah, OK.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43I mean, we and I will be gutted...
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- If we, if we don't do what you said. - Yeah.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52Must remind me not to ask you about football again.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54In his evidence...
0:14:54 > 0:14:57You might as well ask Rich...Rupert...Richard Murdoch?!
0:14:57 > 0:15:03Richard Murdoch, he was a very fine comedian in the 1930s.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04- He's a friend of James Hunt! - In his evidence
0:15:04 > 0:15:09to the Leveson Inquiry, Rupert Murdoch recalled a conversation with Gordon Brown, who told him...
0:15:15 > 0:15:19At which point, Tony Blair perked up and said "Did someone mention war?"
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Ian and Chris, take a look at this one.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- That's Nadine.- Nadine Dorries.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Don't remember who that is.
0:15:28 > 0:15:33- Or him.- They're the posh boys who don't know the price of milk.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35This was an embarrassment for Osborne
0:15:35 > 0:15:37because his father's going to buy an elaborate desk.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Oh, and it's the Bay City Rollers.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43The Bay City Rollers were at their prime in 1975,
0:15:43 > 0:15:46and things haven't been worse since 1975.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50- For them?- For some of them, because some of them are no longer with us.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Yeah, but that's a bit of a downer, so let's get back to the recession.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55It is a double dip,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- and it's very depressing. - The Dutch government's disappeared.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Lots of right-wing activity in the French elections.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04The price of the euro's gone down.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Instability in the eurozone. Not good for our economy.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10All of that piled on top has got to be bad news...
0:16:10 > 0:16:15I can see a wasteland, with only foxes.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Left to roam, gnawing at the remains...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20The last of the Bay City Rollers.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23You're absolutely right. It's about the shambolic week
0:16:23 > 0:16:25for David Cameron and the Coalition Government.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28The BBC weren't trying to influence our feelings at all either way
0:16:28 > 0:16:31when they interviewed a Northern Irish businessman who said...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36That was a man called...
0:16:38 > 0:16:41The Tories are doing so badly,
0:16:41 > 0:16:44they're under fire from their own side. Nadine Dorries,
0:16:44 > 0:16:48who we just saw, describes herself as a council estate Scouser,
0:16:48 > 0:16:52but how did she describe David Cameron and George Osborne?
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Two posh boys who don't know the price of milk.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56I think it's pathetic to bring class into it.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01I mean, take any two posh boys and you'll find, Damian, that, er...
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Pretty much the price of milk, we know.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10I'm arrogant and I don't know the price of milk, but I'm not that posh.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12You're an Old Etonian, though, aren't you?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Correctomundo.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I can't discuss the back channel.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22No, we've already done that. Funnily enough,
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- I wasn't going there.- You're filthy.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29David Cameron recently described Eton as a fabulous school.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31What is so fantastic about it?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34About the school? You get to wear really snazzy clothes.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38So did the Ku Klux Klan, but...
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Can I ask you something, Damian? - Please.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47You had dinner in the White House with David Cameron
0:17:47 > 0:17:53- and Barack Obama.- Yes. - Yet you are a member of Al-Qaeda.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01I found myself in a three-way conversation with Mr Warren Buffett,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03who was sitting on my left, and the President of the United States,
0:18:03 > 0:18:05who was sitting opposite me, about the economy.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07We talked about it for a bit.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11You can all sleep easy in your beds tonight. Fixed a few things.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15David Cameron sat down and just went, "Yah, Barack, golf,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17"yeah, I think you'd take me.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22"But tennis, Barack, I think I'd take you".
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Obama had been looking down at his food and he looked up and said,
0:18:24 > 0:18:28"Oh, really, David? Well, we have a few hours tomorrow morning
0:18:28 > 0:18:31"if you want to put it to the test."
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Really steely. I was getting on a plane
0:18:33 > 0:18:36the next morning at 7.30, and I was sharing this anecdote with Mr George Osborne.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39The things you see when you haven't got your gun!
0:18:42 > 0:18:47He looked at me and went, "Guess where they are now?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50"Thrashing it out on the tennis court at 7.30am." History doesn't relate who won.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53So at an official dinner where he could have had opportunities
0:18:53 > 0:18:56to talk about important things, he talked about tennis,
0:18:56 > 0:19:00and at a Christmas party where they weren't meant to talk about things,
0:19:00 > 0:19:03they talked about the potential takeover of BSkyB.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Thank God he's got things the right way round.
0:19:05 > 0:19:10The thing is, if I was sitting next to somebody called Warren Buffett,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I'd have to keep making jokes about his name without him realising.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14"Is that your finger, Buffett?"
0:19:14 > 0:19:17"Are you feeling a bit hot, Buffett?"
0:19:17 > 0:19:20You know... "Have you done much travelling, Buffett?"
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I wouldn't stop all night.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25That would be me well happy.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Cameron says he does know the price of a pint of milk.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- What did he price it at?- 57p.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31What do you think the price of milk is?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I believe it's three and sixpence.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41And it comes from a delightful little man in the village.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Of course, we have our own cow.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Milk doesn't come in pints any more, it comes in litres.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51I don't be the one to break it to you,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53but there are still pints of milk out there.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Are there?- There are.- I don't know how much they cost either,
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- I can tell you that. - I could sell you one for £5.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05Cameron says he pays just under 50p for his pints. He says...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12"Yes, lovely family!"
0:20:15 > 0:20:18David Cameron tried to restate his aims and beliefs
0:20:18 > 0:20:19on the Today programme. He said...
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Do we know anybody who's anti those things?
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Because nobody's anti get up and go, apart from undertakers.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37George Osborne's also been embarrassed this week. Why?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39He looked in the mirror?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I don't know, why was he embarrassed?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Because of his father.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45His father was planning to buy a ghastly desk
0:20:45 > 0:20:47at auction from Sotheby's or Christie's.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51A photograph appeared in the papers of a terribly ornate thing,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53not terribly practical. Nowhere to put a PC.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Do you know what Peter Osborne's full title is, anyone?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Sir Peter Osborne?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Where's Ballintaylor and Ballylemon?
0:21:09 > 0:21:13Are they like Narnia? Is this made up?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Ballylemon's in the fridge.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22And the Ballintaylor's just down the road. I got this suit cut there.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25What's Ed Miliband been doing recently?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Trying.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Oh, he tries his best.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36God loves a trier. God bless him.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39This is just going to break your heart.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43He's been watching his poll ratings soar.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Labour now have a 13% lead over the Tories, which must be
0:21:46 > 0:21:50a confidence booster for the Labour leader, but watch this.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- Could we get a photo with David? - Is that OK?- David? Who's that?
0:21:53 > 0:21:54This man right here.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Hello, Ed Miliband, nice to meet you.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Ed Miliband.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02This is another bad week for the Tories.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Nadine Dorries accused David Cameron of not even knowing
0:22:05 > 0:22:07the price of milk, to which Cameron retorted...
0:22:09 > 0:22:13That price will no doubt double once Francis Maude starts a milk panic.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18"Put the milk back into cows," demands Francis Maude.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22"It's the safest place for it," says twit.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26"Have jerry cans full of milk in your garage."
0:22:26 > 0:22:29"Mix it with petrol and make it go further."
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Also this week,
0:22:31 > 0:22:33George Osborne's father was in trouble
0:22:33 > 0:22:36for revealing a list of extravagant purchases.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Tim Bell, Mrs Thatcher's old PR man, was asked to comment.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47He said, from the gold-plated gondola of his airship.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51And so to round two, the News Of The Swirled.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53That's brilliant.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Here's a cleverly distorted picture of swirly news.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Buzz when you know what it is.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01BUZZER
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I don't know who he is, but there has recently been
0:23:03 > 0:23:08a suggestion that we could mine gold from meteorites from outer space.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Things flying around have got loads of gold in them
0:23:10 > 0:23:12and if we can capture them, we can get free gold,
0:23:12 > 0:23:14although It's not very practical.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16His head's too big for his body, for a start,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and he's in outer space and can't breathe.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21And the axe doesn't look like it'll do anything.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- We've got a real scientist here. - It's asteroids.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27They think they can build a craft to mine the asteroids
0:23:27 > 0:23:30and all sorts of people have bought into it, people with lots of money.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- Who is this?- It's James Cameron who's behind this crazy scheme.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38I would be a bit concerned about James Cameron's plans,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40because James Cameron did direct Aliens.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44I'm not saying it's real. I know Homeland's not real. Nice body.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46LAUGHTER
0:23:46 > 0:23:49What I am saying is that this could be the start of something
0:23:49 > 0:23:51pretty bad, right?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53So my vote is, let's not go and mine anywhere
0:23:53 > 0:23:55where we don't know what's going on.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58People from England very rarely come to Scotland,
0:23:58 > 0:24:02never mind go to outer space, so let's not go there.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03That's a conspiracy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06They're a company called Planetary Resources Inc,
0:24:06 > 0:24:09which in addition to James Cameron, has the support
0:24:09 > 0:24:12of Google billionaires Larry Page and Eric Schmidt.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Are they going to set up a haven there
0:24:14 > 0:24:17on an asteroid and claim it's offshore,
0:24:17 > 0:24:22or off Earth, so they have to pay no tax at all ever again?
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Peter Diamandis is involved. Last month, he told Forbes magazine...
0:24:30 > 0:24:35"It's a grand life, to be sure, Pete, working down't space pits."
0:24:35 > 0:24:41Apologies to anyone from Yorkshire in the audience.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I thought it was Zimbabwe. Yorkshire?!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46What's stopping us mining the hell out of it right now?
0:24:46 > 0:24:47It's not practical.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51- There's one major drawback, yes. - Asteroids are in space.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53The drawback is...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06It's meant to cheer us up, the idea that OK,
0:25:06 > 0:25:08the national debt's £1 trillion,
0:25:08 > 0:25:12but there's trillions and trillions just up there, so cheer up.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15So we could watch it whizzing past us.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Finally, does anyone know which asteroid
0:25:18 > 0:25:22scientists have labelled as their first contender for pouncing upon?
0:25:22 > 0:25:23I have no idea.
0:25:25 > 0:25:30It will fly within 2.4 million miles of Earth in 2021.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33So have your wallets open at the top of a high stepladder.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Be ready. Yes, this is the plan to extract minerals
0:25:36 > 0:25:39from passing asteroids. According to the Guardian...
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Nice thought, but Superdrug are doing three for two.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58According to the Daily Mail...
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Yes, ever since cannabis was first smoked.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Right, fingers on the buzzers, please, teams.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14BUZZER
0:26:14 > 0:26:17This is a really serious story, actually, and should be treated
0:26:17 > 0:26:20with a great amount of seriousness. The boy band, One Direction,
0:26:20 > 0:26:25on a visit to Australia, held a koala.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28That's not the serious part of it.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30The koala urinated...
0:26:33 > 0:26:35..on One Direction.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38In one direction, or on One Direction?
0:26:38 > 0:26:41In all directions on One Direction?
0:26:41 > 0:26:46They were then told the shocking statistic
0:26:46 > 0:26:50that 80% of koalas have chlamydia.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55There is therefore a real and present danger that One Direction,
0:26:55 > 0:27:00top boy band, will have contracted...
0:27:00 > 0:27:05chlamydia from a koala.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Is the correct answer.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11APPLAUSE
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Any idea, how does a koala get chlamydia?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16For the very first time?
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Well, you have to look to human interference, really.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25It is Australia we're talking about, after all.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30I guess some of those bacteriological and viral infections
0:27:30 > 0:27:33will cross from species to species, but I can't think of finer people
0:27:33 > 0:27:36to get a sexually transmitted disease
0:27:36 > 0:27:39than those three... brilliant musicians.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Like how Cortes eliminated an entire generation of the new Americas.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45Well, we live in hope, then, don't we?
0:27:48 > 0:27:52I'm not sure, but I think that's advocating genocide, isn't it?
0:27:52 > 0:27:56Simon Cowell, the man behind One Direction, has been in the news. Why?
0:27:56 > 0:27:59A biography has been produced.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03Sweet Revenge, The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell, has been released.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05What do we learn from Simon Cowell's book?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07I'll give you a clue - clingfilm.
0:28:07 > 0:28:11I thought of something, but I don't think it's right to say it.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13According to The Sun...
0:28:22 > 0:28:26- Squeeze him into a tube? - He's turned into toothpaste.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29He went to a doctor afterwards
0:28:29 > 0:28:31wearing nothing but clingfilm wrapped around his body.
0:28:31 > 0:28:34The doctor looked at him and said, "I can clearly see your nuts".
0:28:37 > 0:28:39This is the story from Australia
0:28:39 > 0:28:41that members of the boy band One Direction
0:28:41 > 0:28:44may have caught a disease from a koala. There was a moment
0:28:44 > 0:28:47of confusion when singer Harry Styles announced,
0:28:47 > 0:28:49"Guys, I've picked up chlamydia,
0:28:49 > 0:28:52"the lesser known sister of Kylie and Dannii".
0:28:53 > 0:28:55The incident took place during a photo session.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Asked if they'd be happy to cuddle
0:28:57 > 0:28:59the dopey but cute looking creatures,
0:28:59 > 0:29:01the koalas said, "Yeah, why not"?
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09BELL RINGS
0:29:09 > 0:29:11I'm hoping this is Chris's moment.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14- Oh, my goodness me. - What type of penguin is it?
0:29:14 > 0:29:16It's a penguin that should be in South America
0:29:16 > 0:29:19or in South Africa, by the looks of it, not an Australian one.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22So there's a zoological inaccuracy.
0:29:24 > 0:29:27There is a sort of heist involved.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31Did someone steal a penguin, and then they found the penguin
0:29:31 > 0:29:34- in a canal or a park? - Or a beach.- Or a beach?
0:29:34 > 0:29:36One of those three.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39Or another answer?
0:29:41 > 0:29:43It's so improbable, it's right.
0:29:43 > 0:29:46This is the news that three British tourists in Australia, again,
0:29:46 > 0:29:50have been charged with stealing a penguin named Dirk.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53Did they dress up as nuns and pretend he was a nun as well?
0:29:53 > 0:29:56Three nuns and a little nun walking along the road?
0:29:56 > 0:29:59If I was going to steal a penguin, I'd put a wig on it
0:29:59 > 0:30:02and a dress and pretend it was my child.
0:30:03 > 0:30:08And I would just walk out, bold as you like. "Come on, Cynthia."
0:30:08 > 0:30:12- And off we'd pop with a penguin. - There's a joke about a man walking down the street with a penguin,
0:30:12 > 0:30:15and a policeman says "You should take that to the zoo", and he says
0:30:15 > 0:30:19"I've been to the zoo, I'm taking him to the pictures now. I remember that from school."
0:30:19 > 0:30:22- They broke into SeaWorld. - SeaWorld?
0:30:22 > 0:30:24- Oh, I know a good story.- Go on.
0:30:24 > 0:30:28There was a dolphin that had spent some time injured, and it was in
0:30:28 > 0:30:30one of these wildlife parks in Florida
0:30:30 > 0:30:34where they teach them to do the trick where they bounce up on their tail
0:30:34 > 0:30:36and go backwards, which they don't do in the wild.
0:30:36 > 0:30:40This dolphin was released back into the wild, and about two months later,
0:30:40 > 0:30:44they saw a whole pack of dolphins all doing this trick,
0:30:44 > 0:30:47and they'd learnt it from this one dolphin saying "Look what I can do."
0:30:47 > 0:30:50I love the idea of a dolphin coming back to the sea
0:30:50 > 0:30:52and going, "Have a look at this."
0:30:53 > 0:30:55It's a nice story.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57- It's a great story. - They're very intelligent.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59We don't know how intelligent they are.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01Have you swum with dolphins?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03I have, yeah. They're not that intelligent at all.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06But they have a voice, which is really neat.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08So each dolphin knows the other dolphin
0:31:08 > 0:31:12- because it has its own voice. - Can you do a dolphin sound?
0:31:12 > 0:31:13Aa.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15What's the response?
0:31:16 > 0:31:20Aoow.
0:31:20 > 0:31:21Dolphin sounds.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24They broke into SeaWorld, these three lads,
0:31:24 > 0:31:26on Queensland's Gold Coast.
0:31:26 > 0:31:28According to the Mail..
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Canals are dangerous in Australia.
0:31:50 > 0:31:54How could this penguin have protected itself, possibly?
0:31:54 > 0:31:57If it was my daughter, Cynthia, I would...
0:31:57 > 0:32:00I would have taught Cynthia the basics of self-defence,
0:32:00 > 0:32:04which is, as we all know, if it's a gentleman that abducts you,
0:32:04 > 0:32:07always go for the groin and the eyes with your car keys.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11Glad you mentioned self-defence, because...
0:32:11 > 0:32:15Dirk might also have taken a lesson from a Slovakian hamster.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18What, in woodwork?
0:32:18 > 0:32:21Here is said Slovakian hamster squaring up to a dog.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27And here he is, doing his best Bruce Lee impression.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32Visions of Wendi Deng flying across the room.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Chris, I've got to ask you,
0:32:34 > 0:32:38didn't you come out in defence of the urban fox this week?
0:32:38 > 0:32:42I did, yeah. They're doing very well.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44We Brits don't like success terribly, do we,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47so as soon as an animal starts to succeed in spite of us
0:32:47 > 0:32:51and prosper, we seem to think we have to reach for the rifle.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55You're converting me to flies, because they do incredibly well,
0:32:55 > 0:32:58and I think we're just jealous of them as a species.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01I'm beginning to feel guilt for all those times
0:33:01 > 0:33:07I thought "bloody fly", and hit it just because I'm stupidly wasting food.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10Surely you can keep a fly off your food without needing to swat it.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14Haven't you got one of those lacy things you put over your sandwiches?
0:33:19 > 0:33:22No, obviously not. I've got a chap who does that.
0:33:23 > 0:33:27It is now time for the odd one out round.
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Just one between you this week.
0:33:29 > 0:33:30The Queen, Chris Packham,
0:33:30 > 0:33:34a cabbage and - oh, Nick Brody.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37That's me in juvenile plumage.
0:33:37 > 0:33:41This is a Jubilee thing.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44- I'm punk rocking it with the Sex Pistols in '77.- Weren't we all?
0:33:49 > 0:33:52No, it's obvious. They're all members of Al-Qaeda.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56All of them working for the inside,
0:33:56 > 0:34:01and fortunately, someone is on to them.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Secrecy is closer than where you have been.
0:34:03 > 0:34:08They all send secret signals, apart from Chris Packham,
0:34:08 > 0:34:13who secretly shoehorned lyrics from over 30 songs by The Smiths
0:34:13 > 0:34:15into his Springwatch appearances.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19- Did you really?- Here he is, doing it. It's unbelievable.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21What Difference Does It Make?
0:34:21 > 0:34:23What a Handsome Devil he is.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Frankly, Mr Shankly...
0:34:26 > 0:34:28It's a case of Big Mouth Strikes Again.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30..As it were, when The Queen Is Dead.
0:34:30 > 0:34:32Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34Sweet And Tender Hooligan.
0:34:34 > 0:34:35Do you have any mates at all?
0:34:35 > 0:34:38No, not really. Last Night I Dreamt Someone Loved Me.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40APPLAUSE
0:34:43 > 0:34:48Scientists in Exeter have discovered that wounded cabbages
0:34:48 > 0:34:53- send secret warning messages to neighbouring cabbages.- Wounded?
0:34:53 > 0:34:55A wounded cabbage?
0:34:55 > 0:34:57It might have been told it's not very attractive.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Emotionally scarred cabbages.
0:34:59 > 0:35:04- Do you know how they might send this message?- They release pheromones.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07All sorts of trees do this to stop insects from attacking them.
0:35:07 > 0:35:10They prepare the plant, and the adjacent plant,
0:35:10 > 0:35:12which catches a whiff of these chemicals,
0:35:12 > 0:35:15then pumps something less edible into its tissues.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17In the experiment...
0:35:26 > 0:35:27Is this a joke?
0:35:27 > 0:35:28CHRIS: No.
0:35:28 > 0:35:33Seriously, if you're telling me that in the fruit and veg section,
0:35:33 > 0:35:36the cabbages specifically are going "Watch out, she's back again",
0:35:36 > 0:35:40I find that really, really disturbing.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43Cabbages are warning each other
0:35:43 > 0:35:45that we're approaching?
0:35:45 > 0:35:48What do we have to do, sneak up on the cabbages?
0:35:48 > 0:35:51According to an excerpt in the Mirror from a book
0:35:51 > 0:35:53called 60 Glorious Years,
0:35:53 > 0:35:57the Queen uses her handbag to send signals to her aides.
0:35:57 > 0:36:01- Any ideas what signals she sends? - "I've had enough of this."
0:36:01 > 0:36:05Then she picks up her handbag and starts swinging it around and around.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08If she wants to leave a dinner in five minutes:
0:36:14 > 0:36:16And if she sees Bruce Forsyth approaching,
0:36:16 > 0:36:18she puts it over her head and holds her breath.
0:36:20 > 0:36:24The last caption is Nick Brody, who sent secret signals to Al-Qaeda
0:36:24 > 0:36:26in Homeland by twitching his fingers,
0:36:26 > 0:36:28or so one is led to believe.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31- Is this a television programme? - Apparently.- What's it shown on?
0:36:31 > 0:36:35- It's on Channel 4.- Is it? - At nine o'clock every Sunday night.
0:36:35 > 0:36:40- Is it?- And I always get ready.
0:36:40 > 0:36:41LAUGHTER
0:36:46 > 0:36:48They all send secret signals apart from Chris Packham,
0:36:48 > 0:36:50who secretly shoehorned lyrics
0:36:50 > 0:36:54from over 30 songs by The Smiths into his Springwatch appearances,
0:36:54 > 0:36:57but they weren't a signal, they were done for a bet.
0:36:57 > 0:36:58He would have included...
0:37:00 > 0:37:04but they'd already been said by the badger being gassed.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07According to the Mirror, the Queen's handbag includes...
0:37:09 > 0:37:13Well, I say photos. A few tenners and a book of stamps.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17Time now for the missing words round,
0:37:17 > 0:37:22which this week features as its guest publications Absolute Horse.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26There's another one called Relative Horse.
0:37:26 > 0:37:32Is there one for the cattle industry called Absolute Bull, by any chance?
0:37:32 > 0:37:33We start with...
0:37:36 > 0:37:39Something to do with solar storms.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Camilla's the name of this small, dodgy-looking probe.
0:37:41 > 0:37:46I think you'll find she's married to the heir to the throne.
0:37:46 > 0:37:50I thought it was sent into space to amuse Her Majesty the Queen.
0:37:50 > 0:37:55I thought it was part of the celebration.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58We should all be able to look at the sky and see her orbiting the Earth,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01with her arse on fire as she goes through the atmosphere.
0:38:01 > 0:38:06Maybe that's the climax of the Olympic opening ceremony,
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Camilla being fired out of a rocket.
0:38:08 > 0:38:12The Olympic flame lights this enormous rocket.
0:38:12 > 0:38:15It's "Find solar storm", something like that.
0:38:15 > 0:38:18That's pretty close.
0:38:18 > 0:38:22American students have sent a rubber chicken on a giant helium balloon
0:38:22 > 0:38:25120,000 feet into space to photograph a solar radiation storm.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27According to The Guardian...
0:38:32 > 0:38:33It means nothing to us,
0:38:33 > 0:38:36but to the insect world, it was their Challenger.
0:38:38 > 0:38:39Next.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45"For as long as no-one's looking," says Murdoch.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51This is from Absolute Horse magazine.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54The March edition features horse makeovers,
0:38:54 > 0:38:56how to look good neigh-ked.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Next.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Tequila? Chilli. Being Mexican. Escaping across the border.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13Is it being under 18?
0:39:14 > 0:39:17- Standing next to Rupert Murdoch. - Burritos. Mexican food.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20- Chilli beans.- Keep going.
0:39:20 > 0:39:26- What else is there? Guacamole. - Yes! Guacamole.
0:39:29 > 0:39:31This is from research conducted in Mexico which,
0:39:31 > 0:39:32according to the Times, is...
0:39:35 > 0:39:36In a parallel study,
0:39:36 > 0:39:39they also claimed drinking tequila boosts your IQ
0:39:39 > 0:39:41and wearing a sombrero makes you look sexy.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43And finally...
0:39:44 > 0:39:47Declared World Heritage Site.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50Is attacked by prankster with balloon.
0:39:50 > 0:39:52That's right.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Let's have a look.
0:39:57 > 0:40:01Somebody rubbed a balloon and there's static electricity. That's fantastic.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Apparently, he was furious.
0:40:03 > 0:40:08If there's one thing he hates, it's his hair being made to look stupid.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10So, the final scores are,
0:40:10 > 0:40:13Ian and Chris have seven,
0:40:13 > 0:40:17Paul and Susan squeaking by with eight.
0:40:17 > 0:40:19APPLAUSE
0:40:22 > 0:40:25On which note we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:25 > 0:40:28and Chris Packham, Paul Merton and Susan Calman.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31And I leave you with news that Olympic organisers admit
0:40:31 > 0:40:34it was a mistake to allow official sponsors John West
0:40:34 > 0:40:36to design the media centre.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43As her car is impounded, a motorist is adamant
0:40:43 > 0:40:46she had another day left on her parking permit.
0:40:50 > 0:40:55And in BBC TV Centre, an assassin realises time is fast running out,
0:40:55 > 0:40:57as his target approaches a flight of stairs.
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Good night.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:41:40 > 0:41:43I might enrol a fox as a special adviser.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Put him in charge of the chickens.
0:41:47 > 0:41:51When you say a fox, do you mean someone like Theresa May?
0:41:53 > 0:41:56Is that your definition of a fox, Damian?
0:41:56 > 0:41:58I'm in with a right shout with you, then.
0:41:58 > 0:42:03He's been in prison in a hole for eight years.
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Why, thank you, Ian,
0:42:05 > 0:42:07that makes me feel much better.