0:00:30 > 0:00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Kirsty Young.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43In the news this week, after Prince Philip is taken to hospital
0:00:43 > 0:00:45during the Diamond Jubilee celebrations,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48his senior aides pop round to cheer him up.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51LAUGHTER
0:00:55 > 0:00:58In Westminster, as ministers are told to carry out
0:00:58 > 0:01:01yet another stringent round of redundancies,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04George Osborne is greeted by the few remaining staff
0:01:04 > 0:01:06in his private office.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14After two Little Boys is cut short at the Jubilee concert,
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Rolf Harris fans turn up at Lenny Henry's house.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25And after sitting through dozens of acts
0:01:25 > 0:01:28that she would never have chosen to watch at her Jubilee concert,
0:01:28 > 0:01:33the Queen was at last able to enjoy herself at the after-show party.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34ROCK MUSIC
0:01:46 > 0:01:48On Ian's team tonight is a comedian
0:01:48 > 0:01:52who says he can't remember what he did from the age of 18 to 26.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55So, on drugs then.
0:01:55 > 0:01:56Please welcome Greg Davies.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:01 > 0:02:06And with Paul tonight is a writer, broadcaster
0:02:06 > 0:02:10and poker player who recently won the 5,000 Euro event in Monte Carlo.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14That was way back in April when the Euro was actually worth something.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Please welcome Victoria Coren.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18APPLAUSE
0:02:20 > 0:02:23So we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Paul and Victoria, take a look at this.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29This is the magnificent sight on the Thames, the flotilla.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31This is people enjoying themselves.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34That's the Royal Family enjoying themselves.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37That's what horses used to look like 60 years ago.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40But we didn't have horses after the war.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43And that's what we've got now. It's the Jubilee, I think.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47This is not the hardest question we've ever been asked.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I managed to catch a heart-warming moment about halfway through
0:02:51 > 0:02:53when the Queen ALMOST smiled.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I have a feeling she was there thinking
0:02:55 > 0:02:58"I've been given someone else's day out by mistake."
0:02:58 > 0:03:01This is an 86-year-old lady monarch.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04They've given her a boat trip and a pop concert.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07What about a bungee jump and a Playstation?
0:03:07 > 0:03:11This is the four-day celebration of the Queen's Jubilee.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Let's start then with that flotilla.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18It was inspired by the 18th century Canaletto
0:03:18 > 0:03:20which was painted for the Lord Mayor's day.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23He's got to be quick, because some of those are moving rapidly.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Let's look at the flotilla.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28LAUGHTER
0:03:28 > 0:03:30That's not fair, there were real boats there.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33That's the leading boat, honestly.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Was anybody there, did you go long?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- I was there.- PAUL: Were you? - Yes. I thought it was fantastic.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43With the greatest of respect, could you see through the crowds?
0:03:43 > 0:03:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:50 > 0:03:52To be honest, most people there seemed to be enjoying it.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55There were huge numbers of people and the boats were fabulous.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58The BBC got into a lot of trouble with its coverage.
0:03:58 > 0:04:03What it did, what it usually did is underestimate the general public
0:04:03 > 0:04:07and thought, they're stupid, they'll want to see Fearne Cotton.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11And Matt Baker and some people from The One Show.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Literally, in the crowd I was with,
0:04:13 > 0:04:15there were about ten people more interesting
0:04:15 > 0:04:19and better informed than everybody on the entire BBC for the whole day.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21What do people want though, Ian?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Spectacle. Music. The spectacle was there...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28People criticised the BBC's commentary,
0:04:28 > 0:04:30saying it wasn't intellectually rigorous.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It is just a load of people going down the river on boats.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35That's the sort of intellectual rigour
0:04:35 > 0:04:37that we've come to expect from you.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Would you have wanted people to go, there's a Queen on the boat there?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- "Puts me in mind of the time I read the Iliad."- No.
0:04:48 > 0:04:52If you're going to interview people on the route,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56they're largely people who spend their lives dressed in union jacks.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59No, absolutely patronising rubbish.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Absolutely not. OK, my best moment, I'm standing in the crowd,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05next to a man whose son is in one of the flotillas.
0:05:05 > 0:05:11Up the river comes a barge of Indian blokes in full tartan,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14playing pipes and drums, the sound fills the entire river.
0:05:14 > 0:05:19It was fabulous. I thought, where else will you get that? This is worth turning out for.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22No, they're not all full of idiots in stupid hats.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25APPLAUSE
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Will you concede there were some idiots?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Well, yes.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34It does put people into some extraordinary postures.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Early on, they referred to the Thames as "a noble river."
0:05:36 > 0:05:40I don't know if it is. I don't know if rivers can be noble.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I used to live near the Thames and admittedly we'd get a jar full
0:05:43 > 0:05:47and put it on the mantelpiece, just to see what nobility looked like.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50It looks a bit muddy.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Way back in the 18th century, the diarist John Evelyn
0:05:53 > 0:05:55described the Lord mayor's day flotilla as boasting...
0:06:00 > 0:06:03This time around, we got John Barrowman.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05There he is, putting the camp in campanology.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10PAUL: Are you sure it's not a mass suicide attempt?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:12 > 0:06:15It's John Barrowman! I know!
0:06:18 > 0:06:23Who remained sodden but unbowed throughout the flotilla?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Prince Philip, surely?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I don't think he was sodden.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30He's 91. He's been doing this for decades.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33He's so bored he's had to feign a bladder infection to get out of it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37He joined in the dancing, or we thought he did.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40It turned out he just badly needed the toilet.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Let's look at Sky News.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46This is how they covered the final stages of the pageant.
0:06:46 > 0:06:52"1,000 boats have travelled 7.5 miles down the River Thames
0:06:52 > 0:06:55"to mark the Diamond Jubilee."
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Meanwhile, over on the BBC,
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Tess Daly is being knighted by a transvestite.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Hello.- Hello.- Tess Daly.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07And I believe I'm knighting you for services to working in the rain.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09That's right, yes.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Do you know what, Ian? I'm beginning to see your point.- Yes.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17To be fair on the BBC, it is endemic across all of television,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20they just make it as though everyone's so stupid.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22They're not making it for themselves.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25They do for this imaginary idiot. And it's infuriating.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29It's not just the BBC, not just that programme, it's all of them!
0:07:29 > 0:07:30APPLAUSE
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Stephen Fry pointed out mistakes,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37such as one presenter calling the Queen "Her Royal Highness",
0:07:37 > 0:07:39instead of "Her Majesty." He asked...
0:07:44 > 0:07:45QI?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Ooh.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51QI's a brilliant programme, isn't it?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55That's one of the few that ISN'T for morons.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59You can't even risk making jokes about QI,
0:07:59 > 0:08:00because it's the last programme
0:08:00 > 0:08:03where they imagine the viewer might be able to spell.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06What did the BBC admit to?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- This is a classic phrase. - Trying too hard.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12It agreed that it didn't...
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Own the tone?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19According to the Independent...
0:08:37 > 0:08:38LAUGHTER
0:08:38 > 0:08:44What surprises were lying in wait for the Queen along the route?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Boris turned up on a boat.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Someone next to me shouted at him, "Is that your wife, Boris?"
0:08:50 > 0:08:54From the roof of the Royal Festival Hall,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57there was a message spelt out in semaphore flags,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00we'll go to the BBC's Paul Dickenson,
0:09:00 > 0:09:05who at last, realised that he did need some expert help.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09His nautical expert is Tom Cunliffe. This is his chance to shine.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13"We've got some semaphore here just on the top level of the Royal Festival Hall.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16"Tom, I think you can understand that, can't you?"
0:09:16 > 0:09:17"I haven't got a clue."
0:09:17 > 0:09:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And Lord Prescott got his oar in as well this week.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27What was he complaining about?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Apparently there were some people who were employed as security or something?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33And they actually had to sleep overnight
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- underneath London Bridge. - Yes, there were 30 jobseekers.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38People who weren't being paid,
0:09:38 > 0:09:41and there were another 50 apprentices who were getting paid,
0:09:41 > 0:09:44I think it was £2.80 an hour, and they were bussed in to help,
0:09:44 > 0:09:46and the bus dropped them off too early
0:09:46 > 0:09:49and they were left at 3am to sleep under a bridge.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51And they got a poncho I think, to keep?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Yes, they got a free poncho and hypothermia.
0:09:53 > 0:09:58I don't want to trivialise it though, but I think it's high time
0:09:58 > 0:10:01we started having people living under bridges again.
0:10:02 > 0:10:06The goat population in London has got out of control lately.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09That's my understanding of the government scheme.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10No, I think that's right.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I'm glad you didn't trivialise it.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Meanwhile, how did the Queen
0:10:15 > 0:10:18get maximum enjoyment out of the Jubilee concert?
0:10:18 > 0:10:19- She had ear plugs in.- She did.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21She gets nervous around fireworks.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23The fireworks were the good bit.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26That was incredible. Madness, singing on top of the house.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29What I loved about that, wile Madness were singing Our House,
0:10:29 > 0:10:33they were projecting images of small terrace houses and blocks of flats
0:10:33 > 0:10:37onto Buckingham Palace, which is almost taunting the poor, isn't it?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:41This is what you live in, this is what WE live in.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46I'd imagine there was a meeting before the concert where Gary,
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I imagine Gary Barlow was chairing it
0:10:48 > 0:10:51where they talked about how to capture the spirit of Britain
0:10:51 > 0:10:55and then halfway through, one member of the panel in my mind
0:10:55 > 0:10:57had a nervous breakdown and went,
0:10:57 > 0:11:01"Maybe we can have the Jamaican singer Grace Jones, hoola-hooping?"
0:11:01 > 0:11:05LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:07 > 0:11:09What could be more British than that?
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I love the idea that the rest of the panel were going, "Let him have this."
0:11:13 > 0:11:16"Seriously, his wife's left him."
0:11:16 > 0:11:19In the build up to the concert, the BBC reporter, Lizo Mzimba
0:11:19 > 0:11:24coped remarkably well with that age-old problem of someone
0:11:24 > 0:11:27who thinks it would be funny to get in the back of shot.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29We're going to be talking to all the stars
0:11:29 > 0:11:31and headline acts backstage at the Palace.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36There's a huge array of talent on stage, Stevie Wonder, Elton John,
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Robbie Williams and then of course,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42the man the who's been the driving force behind it all, Gary Barlow...
0:11:42 > 0:11:45LAUGHTER
0:11:45 > 0:11:47APPLAUSE
0:11:50 > 0:11:52There was a small group of Republicans,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54staging a protest on the Thames.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Let's take a look at some monarchists.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Some more monarchists and...
0:12:00 > 0:12:02LAUGHTER
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Meanwhile, what did Sally Bercow do
0:12:05 > 0:12:08before attending the thanksgiving service at St Paul's?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12She tweeted saying, "Isn't the Jubilee a load of rubbish?"
0:12:12 > 0:12:14I didn't read the tweet. Did you, Victoria?
0:12:14 > 0:12:18"Ridiculous monarchists, I'm going with no pants on" - hash tag speak.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19LAUGHTER
0:12:21 > 0:12:22APPLAUSE
0:12:26 > 0:12:29If only she'd been that witty. She described royalist members of the public as...
0:12:32 > 0:12:34How did the celebrations end?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Fireworks, lighting beacons, that sort of stuff.
0:12:36 > 0:12:41Let's enjoy that moment then after the celebratory volley of gunfire.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45This is where tradition demands that the military band is conducted
0:12:45 > 0:12:47by a man with an extra set of arms.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50CHEERING AND GUNFIRE
0:12:51 > 0:12:53NATIONAL ANTHEM
0:13:02 > 0:13:05SHE LAUGHS
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Finally, let's end on a rousing rendition
0:13:07 > 0:13:11of the National Anthem from Charles and Camilla.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14This was during their visit to a street party in Piccadilly.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Note, to Charles and Camilla, it does have more than one verse.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23BOTH: # God save our Queen...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25CHEERING
0:13:30 > 0:13:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Not his favourite lyric, I imagine.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43It's been a triumphant weekend for the Royal Family.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46At the concert, Paul McCartney said...
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Unlike Philip, who had his legs crossed for four hours,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56which caused the problem in the first place.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59The Duchess of York wore the perfect outfit for the occasion,
0:13:59 > 0:14:02a dressing gown and slippers as she watched it on the sofa.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Ian and Greg, take a look at this.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Baroness Warsi, spice.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Cameron eating porridge, like most of his friends will be, in prison.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, there's Jeremy, Hunt.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Er...
0:14:23 > 0:14:28Jeremy Hunt does an amazing line in startled deer impressions.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30LAUGHTER
0:14:32 > 0:14:36This is the serious news going on beneath the bunting.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39David Cameron has got to decide what to do with two people,
0:14:39 > 0:14:44in his Cabinet, Jeremy Hunt, the man in charge of the BSkyB bid,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47who was made to look guilty by the Leveson Inquiry.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I'm not saying he is, but he is.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Guilty of what, exactly?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Not having a quasi-judicial frame of mind.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- He didn't know what it meant.- No!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00He's got to decide whether to refer him
0:15:00 > 0:15:04to the Parliamentary Commissioner, but he HAS referred Baroness Warsi.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07She's referred herself to the Parliamentary Standards Committee.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10She's referred herself to the sleaze watchdog.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11It sounds so filthy.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16It's an odd procedure, "I want to know if I'm guilty of anything bad,
0:15:16 > 0:15:20"because if I've been up to no good, I want to be the first to know."
0:15:20 > 0:15:24Do you think she's guilty then?
0:15:24 > 0:15:25Baroness Warsi, well,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28she did go abroad on a state visit with a relative,
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- who she's in business with. - Oh, he's a relative as well.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Apparently, yes.- David Cameron complained about that.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40This man who travels with his favourite 50 arms dealers.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43She's gone with this chap, they run a spice company or something.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47She's trading in nutmeg. That's my kind of corruption. It's nice.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51She's staying at a friend's house and claiming the £165.50,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54which she said she was passing on to him.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56He confirmed in a statement saying,
0:15:56 > 0:16:00"Yes, I confirm I charged an amount that would cover my inconvenience
0:16:00 > 0:16:03"for being there", which intrigues me,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06"and the extra expense."
0:16:06 > 0:16:09The extra expense of having someone in a room for a night, £165.50?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I can only deduce that Baroness Warsi was operating
0:16:13 > 0:16:15an industrial lathe in the room.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17LAUGHTER
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Baroness Warsi has opened herself up
0:16:19 > 0:16:21to the aforementioned sleaze probe...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24LAUGHTER
0:16:26 > 0:16:29That was beneath you.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32It's not beneath... No.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- What's been happening in the eurozone this week? - More of the same, isn't it?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:45 > 0:16:47If you read the Ten O'Clock News, it would be short.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- Forget Robert Peston, get Paul in. - Nothing much has happened.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55More of the same, Spain's gone bust, next?
0:16:57 > 0:17:00They need to send money to Madrid, they haven't got any left.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Spain is in need of a bail out,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05but they are falling over themselves to say
0:17:05 > 0:17:08that they, what, they definitely don't need it?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11They don't need a bail out, but they'd like a huge amount of money.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14They're quite desperate. They've applied to Greece.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I was in Spain this summer, this is true, Ian,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I went to a Spanish market
0:17:22 > 0:17:26and the first stall I came to there was a man who was selling socks,
0:17:26 > 0:17:29that was one of the things he'd specialised in.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31He'd chosen to specialise in another thing,
0:17:31 > 0:17:33and it was potatoes.
0:17:33 > 0:17:38I just think if that's indicative of the way they approach economics...
0:17:38 > 0:17:40LAUGHTER
0:17:41 > 0:17:43They honestly deserve what they get.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48So, Spain's in trouble. Greece is also still in trouble.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Do you not think this is relevant, what I'm saying, Kirsty?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54You seem to be changing the subject.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- She's developing your theme.- Fine.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00As long as this relates specifically to that market stall,
0:18:00 > 0:18:02please continue.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Did you see how Jeremy Paxman referred to Greece
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- in a recent edition of Newsnight? - Is it flattering terms?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12It wasn't entirely. He said...
0:18:16 > 0:18:18GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Cyprus is trying to put a brave face on the looming crisis.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28Would you like to know what the head of the Cyprus national bank is called?
0:18:31 > 0:18:35What solution to the euro crisis is being urged by Britain,
0:18:35 > 0:18:39the United States and indeed George Soros?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Watch the football instead.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43It's pretty much that Germany should take over Europe,
0:18:43 > 0:18:46except Britain and just tell everyone what to do.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47George Soros said...
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I can't believe no-one's thought of this before.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:19:00 > 0:19:03I mean, it's perfect, isn't it?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06They must have been high-fiveing each other in that meeting.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08APPLAUSE
0:19:10 > 0:19:13It's been another turbulent week in politics.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15In Westminster, it's emerged that MPs have been complaining
0:19:15 > 0:19:18about the facilities in the House of Commons.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22Last week, it was reported that the toilets were in a terrible state,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25but to be fair, they'd just been used by Jeremy Hunt
0:19:25 > 0:19:27before he headed off to the Leveson Inquiry.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Also this week,
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Spain was dragged deeper and deeper into the eurozone crisis.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38George Osborne was called away from Jubilee celebrations
0:19:38 > 0:19:41to speak to the Spanish Finance Minister
0:19:41 > 0:19:43in an emergency conference call.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45He realised something that was wrong
0:19:45 > 0:19:48when Spain asked if they could reverse the charges.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53On Newsnight, Jeremy Paxman offended the Greek Finance Minister
0:19:53 > 0:19:57Giorgos Papakonstantinou by referring to the Greek economy as...
0:19:58 > 0:20:01The Greek Finance Minister was so furious at this stereotyping
0:20:01 > 0:20:04that he smashed all his plates in disgust
0:20:04 > 0:20:06and danced sideways out of the studio.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Let's go to round two, the picture spin quiz.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Is it the Archbishop of Canterbury?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Let me give you a clue,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31that's Rab C Nesbit, he's from Glasgow.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- He's not known for his CHARM.- Right?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35But Glasgow people ARE charming.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- It's a counterintuitive poll. They're delightful.- Not quite.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40They're not delightful?
0:20:40 > 0:20:45Oh no, you're going to tell me people in Paris are rude soon.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Is it not to do with Ken loach?
0:20:48 > 0:20:51He complained that he couldn't get the right rating for his film
0:20:51 > 0:20:54because it had too many swear words in it.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56He said, "That's how everyone speaks in Glasgow",
0:20:56 > 0:20:58which I'm sure can't be right.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- No that's- BLEEP- right, they do.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:09 > 0:21:13The Commonwealth Games are coming to Glasgow in 2014,
0:21:13 > 0:21:17- so in preparation... - Politeness lessons.- Yes.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Thousands of Glaswegians are being sent to charm school
0:21:20 > 0:21:26in preparation for the 2014 Commonwealth Games.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30About 10,000 service industry workers will be offered...
0:21:30 > 0:21:33..at which they will be taught to speak...
0:21:35 > 0:21:39When a woman walks past, don't shout "Get yer tits ooot."
0:21:39 > 0:21:42It's "Get your tits out."
0:21:42 > 0:21:43APPLAUSE
0:21:46 > 0:21:50What principles do you think these charm schools are based on?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- Is it British Telecom? - No, it's Walt Disney.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55To be fair about Walt Disney, he was a Nazi sympathiser,
0:21:55 > 0:21:56but he was so polite.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02I do have, remarkably, a Scottish Walt Disney joke.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Oh, good.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07What's the difference between Walt Disney and Bing Crosby?
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- I don't know. - Bing sings and Walt Disnae.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17How were pupils being asked to end their sentences,
0:22:17 > 0:22:19according to the Telegraph?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22They presumably have to end them with the name of the sponsor.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Thank you very much, Coca Cola.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29They're being asked to end their sentences...
0:22:30 > 0:22:34To which the correct reply is, "I'm so sorry, I've made other plans."
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Parts of the course will require workers to make pledges.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Can you imagine what the pledges might be?
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Is it the Temperance pledge?
0:22:48 > 0:22:49One is...
0:22:53 > 0:22:55This is my favourite...
0:22:59 > 0:23:02And in other Scottish news, what was the cock-up in Edinburgh?
0:23:02 > 0:23:06They used the word cock about a symbol.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10- Well, they made a symbol... - French symbol.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- Oh, was this lasagne?- No.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16But I'm delighted to work out
0:23:16 > 0:23:19how you're going to join up those two thoughts.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- Cock and lasagne?- Yeah.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- VICTORIA:- That's a good night out.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Don't broadcast that.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29That's my perfect Friday, yeah.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31APPLAUSE
0:23:31 > 0:23:34There was a story about meatballs.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Tesco produced these meatballs and they thought,
0:23:36 > 0:23:39"It's Italian, let's put some Italian words on it."
0:23:39 > 0:23:42And they just put things like Coglioni di Mulo on the thing
0:23:42 > 0:23:43and no-one knew what it meant.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46It actually means donkey's bollocks.
0:23:48 > 0:23:52- And they've had to withdraw them, is that right?- That's right.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55That must be quite difficult - to withdraw...
0:23:55 > 0:23:56That's in the Tesco's Finest range.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I would hate to think what's in the basic...
0:23:59 > 0:24:02It's much less funny than that story.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06The organisers of the Edinburgh Marathon handed out 23,000 medals.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08They looked like this...
0:24:13 > 0:24:16This is the news that Glaswegians are to be sent to charm school
0:24:16 > 0:24:19in preparation for the 2014 Commonwealth Games.
0:24:19 > 0:24:23According to the official Glasgow Commonwealth Games website...
0:24:28 > 0:24:33Beating the previous record for most people at a Scottish fruit market by 999.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36According to the Daily Record,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38the charm workshop is...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44And for a terrifying white-knuckle ride,
0:24:44 > 0:24:47why not catch a late-night bus through Glasgow city centre.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00It's a pig. That much we can tell.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Is this the pig that learned French? - No.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04No.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I'd be surprise if it was, cos I've just made it up.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Bonjour, I am a pig.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It's something to do with Euro 2012.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19This pig is playing centre-half. The number of injuries...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22It's not to do with football at all?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- Yes, it is. That was the clue I gave you.- Oh, I see!
0:25:26 > 0:25:30It's the national animal of the Ukraine.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32It is a Ukrainian pig, it's also a psychic.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Psychic pig!
0:25:34 > 0:25:35And it's named Foontik
0:25:35 > 0:25:39and it's been unveiled as the successor to Paul the Octopus.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40- Paul the Octopus.- Exactly!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Ah, football, my special subject - you should have said(!)
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And it's going to predict the Euro 2012 results.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Can anyone imagine how the pig is going to make its predictions.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53Hold on a second, it's not going to predict the 2012 results.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- Well, it is.- It's not.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58It can make a prediction, it might be a wrong prediction.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01It can't make a prediction, it's a pig... It can stand on a square...
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Pigs are very intelligent.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I'm sure it's not just going to stand on a square.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09It's about, sort of, mime, little bit of charade.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12According to a Ukrainian news source,
0:26:12 > 0:26:16ahead of each game Foontik, the psychic Ukrainian pig...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19It's not psychic.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20..is going to be...
0:26:20 > 0:26:22LAUGHTER
0:26:22 > 0:26:23You're being very down on this pig.
0:26:23 > 0:26:27He's going...
0:26:31 > 0:26:35He's not going to like the Danish one, is he, when he comes to that?
0:26:35 > 0:26:39In slightly less important football news, Ian,
0:26:39 > 0:26:43Rio Ferdinand is furious about his omission from the England squad.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46I'm not surprised! He was furious? I was gutted!
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- You love his defensive work, don't you?- Yeah.- Why is he furious?
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Well, it's the belief that he's been left out of the England squad
0:26:55 > 0:26:57not because of footballing reasons,
0:26:57 > 0:27:00but because John Terry will be standing trial
0:27:00 > 0:27:02for racially abusing his brother, possibly.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- That's what he's charged with, anyway.- Yeah.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Isn't it worth not going to these countries anyway? Aren't they full of lunatic right-wingers.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12I'm not sure that all people who play on the right-wing are necessarily lunatics.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18And what is it that's making Roy Hodgson's argument look flimsy?
0:27:18 > 0:27:22- Oh, who's Roy Hodgson?- He's the England manager at the moment.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Although, by the time the repeat goes out that may not be the case.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Rio was overlooked, in favour of Liverpool's Martin Kelly,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33who, according to the Sun, has spent...
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Is that bad?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Well, the judges spend quite a lot of time on the bench,
0:27:42 > 0:27:43never affected their...
0:27:43 > 0:27:45You've spent more time in the dock than at your desk.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Yeah, all right!
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- APPLAUSE - Send him down!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56This is a psychic pig, who's going to...
0:27:56 > 0:27:59It's not a psychic pig.
0:27:59 > 0:28:01LAUGHTER
0:28:01 > 0:28:03I don't think we can properly judge how psychic he is
0:28:03 > 0:28:05until we see some of its predictions.
0:28:05 > 0:28:10- We can.- Suppose it gets the first six matches right, then what?
0:28:10 > 0:28:13Where is your no-psychic-pig stance then?
0:28:13 > 0:28:17What if he channelled the spirit of Elvis Presley?
0:28:17 > 0:28:18HE IMPERSONATES ELVIS
0:28:18 > 0:28:21But if the pig did correctly predict the future
0:28:21 > 0:28:23would you accept it was a psychic pig?
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Is it just me?!
0:28:25 > 0:28:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:28:29 > 0:28:31All right, OK. Go on, then. Carry on. The psychic pig...
0:28:33 > 0:28:35Thanks. This is a psychic...
0:28:36 > 0:28:38This is a psychic pig
0:28:38 > 0:28:41who's going to predict the outcome of the matches
0:28:41 > 0:28:44in the European Football championship.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47It's the first porky psychic to hit the headlines
0:28:47 > 0:28:49since Russell Grant was fired out of a cannon.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54England fans have been warned by police in Poland,
0:28:54 > 0:28:56that if they misbehave they will face a...
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Whereupon, a frustrated Prince Philip phoned the Polish police
0:29:03 > 0:29:05to ask if he could borrow it.
0:29:07 > 0:29:08Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16I feel awful. We don't know any of these.
0:29:16 > 0:29:19Oh, this is... Erm...
0:29:19 > 0:29:22This is that brilliant unicycle story, isn't it?
0:29:22 > 0:29:23It's not even a unicycle.
0:29:23 > 0:29:26I can't even tell you anything about the story
0:29:26 > 0:29:28from looking at a picture.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36I don't understand that photograph.
0:29:36 > 0:29:37The park bench is slightly blurred,
0:29:37 > 0:29:41which suggests that the park bench is moving at some speed.
0:29:41 > 0:29:42- He's a postman.- Yes.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44- Is he?- Yes.
0:29:44 > 0:29:45Sort of.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47And it's the penny-farthing post.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49We've decided it would be quicker
0:29:49 > 0:29:54for people to ride on bicycles to deliver our letters
0:29:54 > 0:29:57than put them in the hands of the Post Office.
0:29:57 > 0:30:00- He's offering his own service. - He is.- In a village.- Yes.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02I've just made that up, but it's true!
0:30:02 > 0:30:04APPLAUSE
0:30:07 > 0:30:09This is remarkable.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11This is Graham Eccles from Cornwall,
0:30:11 > 0:30:15who has decided to set up his own postal service on a penny-farthing.
0:30:15 > 0:30:17How does the service work?
0:30:17 > 0:30:21You give him a letter and he gives it to somebody else.
0:30:23 > 0:30:24You may laugh...
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Almost always a different person from the one he picked it up from.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29You're broadly right.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33According to the Express...
0:30:41 > 0:30:45God, if only it could be rolled out nationally somehow.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47If I lived down there, I would be, just for fun,
0:30:47 > 0:30:50constantly sending letters to Glasgow.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55What sort of problems has he encountered?
0:30:55 > 0:30:57He's mentally ill?
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Graham says...
0:31:14 > 0:31:15Just pack it in, Graham, I would say.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18I could have told him all that was going to happen,
0:31:18 > 0:31:20but then, I have got a psychic pig.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26Did you really just guess the story about that man?
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Yeah, it's a good idea.
0:31:28 > 0:31:29That's amazing.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Looks like Ian's psychic, Victoria.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38- You know who's going to win the Uruguay.- The Uruguay?!
0:31:40 > 0:31:42When you dip your toes into popular culture
0:31:42 > 0:31:44you end up talking bollocks every time.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49This is Graham Eccles who has started
0:31:49 > 0:31:52his own penny-farthing postal service in Cornwall.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55Graham's keen to preserve the traditions
0:31:55 > 0:31:57of the old-fashioned postal service.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Bet he still uses a kettle
0:31:59 > 0:32:02to steam open the envelopes that might have cash in them.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:32:07 > 0:32:09Ian and Greg, your four are
0:32:09 > 0:32:14Gordon Brown, Wallace, Aaron Barnard and Geoffrey Howe.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Is it that they all wear the wrong trousers?
0:32:16 > 0:32:18It is about trousers.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22- There was a Geoffrey Howe story about trousers years ago.- He left them on a train.- That's right.
0:32:22 > 0:32:23The ones he was wearing?
0:32:25 > 0:32:27Yes, it was never fully explained.
0:32:27 > 0:32:31So I don't know the guy with the underpants.
0:32:31 > 0:32:32Maybe he's the odd one out,
0:32:32 > 0:32:36cos everyone else's involves trousers and his involved pants.
0:32:36 > 0:32:37- You're right.- Am I?- Yeah.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40APPLAUSE
0:32:42 > 0:32:44They have all had their trousers stolen,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47apart from that bloke there, he's called Aaron Barnard,
0:32:47 > 0:32:49who was sacked from his job in a pant factory
0:32:49 > 0:32:51after being accused of stealing some pants.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54He hasn't done it very subtly, to be honest, has he?
0:32:54 > 0:32:59How did Aaron actually prove his innocence?
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Did he have the pants tested?
0:33:01 > 0:33:05According to Aaron, in the Telegraph, he pointed out...
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Oh, no.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15They could just be frayed, honestly.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Geoffrey Howe had his trousers stolen on a train.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21How did the thieves manage to steal them?
0:33:21 > 0:33:25Just like people used to do with that tablecloth trick, wasn't it?
0:33:25 > 0:33:28They took them while he was asleep. He wasn't wearing them at the time.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31Luckily, the police found them and they were returned to him
0:33:31 > 0:33:33before he had to get up and leave the train.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36So he was on a train in the sleeper compartment,
0:33:36 > 0:33:37he wasn't just sitting...
0:33:37 > 0:33:40on a commuter train and someone took his trousers.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42Good grief! "Tickets, please."
0:33:42 > 0:33:46"Oh, my goodness, I haven't got any trousers on!"
0:33:46 > 0:33:48In a separate, but somehow related incident,
0:33:48 > 0:33:51he lost pyjamas in Peking.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53How did he lose his pyjamas - in a card game? What was going on?
0:33:55 > 0:34:00"I've got nothing left." "You've got your pyjamas."
0:34:01 > 0:34:03I don't know - any more than he had them stolen.
0:34:03 > 0:34:08Presumably he doesn't need them back because he could put his day clothes on before he left the room.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11Then there's another incident when he lost his trousers - we don't know how.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13And then he lost some trousers again.
0:34:13 > 0:34:14He doesn't know what happened.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17Comes home, "Oh, I've lost my trousers again, darling."
0:34:17 > 0:34:21Pauline Macaulay, who is Gordon Brown's mother-in-law,
0:34:21 > 0:34:23has revealed to a local newspaper
0:34:23 > 0:34:26that she stole Gordon's trousers and ties
0:34:26 > 0:34:30during his time in Downing Street
0:34:30 > 0:34:31in order to make a quilt.
0:34:31 > 0:34:32Now, here is the quilt.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38Was he working at a chef at the time when she stole the trousers?
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Does anyone know what was Gordon's reaction to the quilt?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43Did he love it?
0:34:43 > 0:34:46According to his mother-in-law...
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Was that the first sentence out of his mouth,
0:34:52 > 0:34:55or was it, "You've made my trousers into a quilt, you mad bitch."
0:34:55 > 0:34:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Whilst making the quilt, Gordon Brown's mother-in-law said...
0:35:12 > 0:35:16He was too busy wondering where that draft was coming from.
0:35:18 > 0:35:20Paul and Victoria, here's yours.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Flight ZB532, two eggs,
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Bruce Campbell's house and Orville the cat.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28- I recognise that cat.- Do you?
0:35:28 > 0:35:31I saw that story. It's not alive, the cat.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34I think... I will sound bizarre if this isn't the story,
0:35:34 > 0:35:37but a cat got run over
0:35:37 > 0:35:41and it's owner had it stuffed and made into a helicopter.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43It's hard to tell looking at the picture
0:35:43 > 0:35:46whether that means he really loved the cat or really hated it.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Sorry, Victoria, you're happy to accept
0:35:49 > 0:35:52that there's a remote-controlled flying cat...
0:35:54 > 0:35:57..but a psychic pig's a bit of a stretch for you, is it?
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Now, that bloke there, Bruce Campbell,
0:35:59 > 0:36:01that looks like he's...
0:36:01 > 0:36:03There's his house, it looks like the interior of a plane.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07The two eggs don't fly - they're the odd ones out. Everybody else flies.
0:36:07 > 0:36:11- I'd guess that the plane is the thing that doesn't.- Yes.
0:36:11 > 0:36:12The plane doesn't fly.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15- You're right.- Well done.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17APPLAUSE
0:36:22 > 0:36:25They've all successfully flown, apart from Flight ZB532,
0:36:25 > 0:36:28that was on May 31st, which had to land prematurely
0:36:28 > 0:36:31after a passenger set another passenger's hair on fire.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36Doesn't that mean that it was flying at some point?
0:36:36 > 0:36:38Well, it wasn't a successfully completed flight.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41How do we categorise a successfully completed flight
0:36:41 > 0:36:42for a remote-controlled cat?
0:36:42 > 0:36:46One that doesn't land prematurely because somebody set someone's hair on fire.
0:36:46 > 0:36:48Let's just do that entire thing, shall we?
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- Here is the test flight.- Oh, no.
0:37:03 > 0:37:08- That is...- Can you assure us no cats were harmed during the making of this?
0:37:08 > 0:37:11The eggs. What's a successful flight for an egg?
0:37:11 > 0:37:15Well, pupils from a school in Cambridge have won a trip to NASA
0:37:15 > 0:37:19by successfully launching two raw eggs 1,800 feet up into the air
0:37:19 > 0:37:22and ensuring that they returned to Earth intact.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24Have you got any footage of the eggs?
0:37:24 > 0:37:29- I don't think we do. - So you're prepared to believe in a psychic pig,
0:37:29 > 0:37:32- but you won't believe that the eggs flew into the air... - Don't look at me!
0:37:32 > 0:37:34Of course I don't believe in a psychic pig.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38- A pig told me you would say that. - Yeah!
0:37:38 > 0:37:40Bruce Campbell has a house that used to fly
0:37:40 > 0:37:43because it is actually a 727 passenger jet.
0:37:43 > 0:37:46After a night out, Bruce sometimes takes girlfriends back to his plane,
0:37:46 > 0:37:49where one or two have joined the metre-high club.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55Time now for the Missing Words Round,
0:37:55 > 0:37:58which this week features as its guest publication...
0:37:58 > 0:38:02Button Lines - the Journal of the British Button Society.
0:38:02 > 0:38:03And we start with...
0:38:06 > 0:38:12"After she sells his pre-war button collection
0:38:12 > 0:38:14"to the RSPCA in Lewisham."
0:38:14 > 0:38:17LAUGHTER
0:38:17 > 0:38:20- It is button-related. - Of course it is.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23"She goes out and buys 15,000 zips."
0:38:25 > 0:38:27The answer is...
0:38:31 > 0:38:36This is from The Journal of the British Button Society, which laments the fact that...
0:38:39 > 0:38:42Now, there is a technical term for this in the button world -
0:38:42 > 0:38:44it's known as "coming to your senses".
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Next...
0:38:50 > 0:38:52- "Professional wrestler."- Yes!
0:38:52 > 0:38:54The answer is "a professional wrestler."
0:38:54 > 0:38:58This is former MP Lembit Opik - here he is in action...
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Now, Lembit hasn't been in a hold like that
0:39:04 > 0:39:06since Sian Lloyd found out about that Cheeky Girl.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Next...
0:39:13 > 0:39:15"Dementia."
0:39:15 > 0:39:17Is it "flirted with Velcro?"
0:39:20 > 0:39:22APPLAUSE
0:39:25 > 0:39:27No, the answer is...
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Next...
0:39:32 > 0:39:35"Buttons." "Teeth." "Body."
0:39:37 > 0:39:38Is it "hold on the throne"?
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Very nice!
0:39:47 > 0:39:50The answer is...
0:39:50 > 0:39:53This was from an article in the Button Journal by Nina,
0:39:53 > 0:39:57a new collector who's writing a book about buttons and asked for people
0:39:57 > 0:39:59to reveal their button anecdotes,
0:39:59 > 0:40:03and saying she will "respect any desire for privacy".
0:40:03 > 0:40:08Ah, yes - how many of us have button anecdotes that we will only share if our names are kept out of it?
0:40:09 > 0:40:11And finally...
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Oh, "nothing."
0:40:23 > 0:40:25The answer is...
0:40:26 > 0:40:28This is according to a recent survey. Mind you,
0:40:28 > 0:40:31no-one's ever died from swearing - apart from that time
0:40:31 > 0:40:34in the theatre when Abraham Lincoln turned round and said,
0:40:34 > 0:40:36- "Shut the- BLEEP- up, we can't hear the play."
0:40:39 > 0:40:42So the final scores, then, are
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Ian and Greg have 5,
0:40:44 > 0:40:46Paul and Victoria have 8.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48APPLAUSE
0:40:51 > 0:40:54On which note we say thank you to our panellists,
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Ian Hislop and Greg Davies, Paul Merton and Victoria Coren.
0:40:57 > 0:41:01And I leave you with news that the BBC denies claims that budget cuts
0:41:01 > 0:41:03will affect the new series of Doctor Who.
0:41:07 > 0:41:12In Pyongyang, there's controversy surrounding a new fast food delivery service.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19And during the concert at the Palace,
0:41:19 > 0:41:23an opportunistic thief rifles through Cheryl Cole's handbag.
0:41:27 > 0:41:28Good night.