0:00:38 > 0:00:40Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I'm Robert Lindsay. In the news this week...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46In Tirana, the Albanian Space Programme
0:00:46 > 0:00:49puts its first recruit through astronaut training.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The head chef at the Ivy explains how they managed to cope when
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Victoria Beckham had breakfast with Eric Pickles.
0:01:06 > 0:01:10And word spreads among a battalion of women soldiers
0:01:10 > 0:01:14that the evening's entertainment would be headlined by Jim Davidson.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23On Ian's team tonight a Dragon from BBC 2's Dragon's Den,
0:01:23 > 0:01:27who says the most important things she expects from other people
0:01:27 > 0:01:29is total honesty. Fair enough.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33So, please welcome the last minute replacement for Duncan Bannatyne...
0:01:33 > 0:01:38LAUGHTER
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Yes, Deborah Meaden.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I'm out.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47And with Paul tonight is a comedian
0:01:47 > 0:01:50who is a fine actor and also accomplished at pottery.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Skills which, when he was auditioning
0:01:53 > 0:01:57for the lead role in the film Ghost, got him into the last 76,000.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Please welcome, Johnny Vegas.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00APPLAUSE
0:02:06 > 0:02:10So, we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Ian and Deborah, take a look at this.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Burning the European flag.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17That's our Prime Minister with the president.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21That one is the Send In The Clowns man. Isn't that right?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24This is the Conservative Party voting against itself
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- over the Queen's Speech. - That's a first, really.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Usually the Government announces a Queen's Speech
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and then they back it. This time they announced and thought
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- "No, this is rubbish."- Yep.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37So they had an amendment immediately to say
0:02:37 > 0:02:39"Look, that Queen's Speech wasn't very good.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42"We regret that there wasn't some other stuff in it."
0:02:42 > 0:02:43The Prime Minister then said
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"Yeah, you're right. I'm going to put forward a bill
0:02:45 > 0:02:49"saying it wasn't very good." But it was your Queen's Speech.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Who is the real victory for?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Well, it's sadly a victory for UKIP.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59Or the Daily Express. And that's according to the Daily Express.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Gosh, I thought victory for the Daily Express
0:03:02 > 0:03:03is when Diana is revived.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09So, what has happened to the support
0:03:09 > 0:03:11for the major parties while all of this has been going on?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I think the public have concluded
0:03:13 > 0:03:16that they don't really know what they're doing.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Because Ed Miliband, who is meant to be leading the opposition
0:03:19 > 0:03:22but, in fact, the opposition is now being led by Boris.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29So, the Conservative Party now does government, coalition, opposition.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31And UKIP.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35You explain it so well. You need to get a handle on this, Ian.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36You need to control what is going on
0:03:36 > 0:03:39because you appear to be the only one who does.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40But I am controlling.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Actually, according to most pollsters, UKIP are now...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Who has personally boosted UKIP support?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Des Lynam.- What's he done?
0:03:55 > 0:03:59He's one of the old BBC presenters without an electronic tag, isn't he?
0:04:03 > 0:04:04APPLAUSE
0:04:04 > 0:04:06There speaks a confident man.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13Even I'm getting worried, I tell you.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Claims he's rewritten these lyrics to Send In The Clowns.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19It's not been much of a rewrite. Changed a couple of words, but he's suggested...
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Send In The Clowns, the old Stephen Sondheim tune from A Little Night Music.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Do you want a quick blast?
0:04:31 > 0:04:32SIGHS
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Don't give up the day job, Des.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, you have.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Mind you, I should imagine Stephen Sondheim
0:04:44 > 0:04:46commentating on Southampton versus Newcastle
0:04:46 > 0:04:50would be equally inept as Des Lynam rewriting Stephen Sondheim.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52How is David Cameron reacting
0:04:52 > 0:04:55while the whole flimsy house of cards collapses around him?
0:04:55 > 0:04:56He went off to America, which is
0:04:56 > 0:04:59always a good thing to do if you're in trouble is go abroad.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01They actually flew over with Prince Harry.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06According to the Independent, David Cameron...
0:05:06 > 0:05:10It was just the two of them so they both had to sit next to the nutter.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13LAUGHTER
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- What were they presented with? - With look-alike dolls.
0:05:17 > 0:05:22Yes. Effigies made by a British firm called Makies. Here they are.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Do they know who they're look-alikes of?
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Someone said they look like lesbian Mormons.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38That is the campest Prince Harry ever.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Came up with a lovely comment saying
0:05:40 > 0:05:45"The beret makes me look a bit French."
0:05:45 > 0:05:48No, you don't wear a beret like that. This is how you wear a beret.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Do you remember those days? There were people who were left wing.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03So long ago.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Thanks, Ian(!)
0:06:04 > 0:06:07LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:10The dolls are made by designing the image using a special app
0:06:10 > 0:06:13and then ordering the doll to be manufactured and delivered.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15We are still at the design stage with these.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Look, here is Paul Merton.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21And we have, in fact, Ian.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- Shall we have a quick greedy bastards update?- Yeah!
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Does it come with a signature tune?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31# Greedy bastards greedy bastards
0:06:31 > 0:06:32# Greedy bastards update. #
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Vodafone, anyone? What have they done?
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- Is this a tax avoiders round? - It's bound to be.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- Vodafone, they haven't paid any tax. - Goldman Sachs.- Boo!
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- Disgraceful.- Someone challenged them, the Revenue.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Cos the Revenue did a deal where basically
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Goldman Sachs didn't have to pay interest on what
0:06:50 > 0:06:52they owed to the tax man. Let alone what they actually owe.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56And the courts decided in Goldman Sachs's favour.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Which is absolutely extraordinary.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00And Amazon?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I know this one. Look at that.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05I'm quite nervous, it's me first show.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Me dad rang me and went, "Don't spoil this for us."
0:07:13 > 0:07:15What a starter for ten.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21They must just be sat there going, "Just don't. Don't."
0:07:21 > 0:07:23There is a discussion going on around me
0:07:23 > 0:07:27and in my head two kittens are fighting over a pork chop.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Yeah, they've avoided it by...
0:07:29 > 0:07:31It goes through Luxembourg.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Everything is processed there, packaged and sent off.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38But because the sales are processed in Europe,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40they avoid paying the UK tax.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44The man from Google has to go back to Parliament to explain why
0:07:44 > 0:07:46he didn't appear to be telling the truth.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I'm not saying he wasn't.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Just Google "truth" and see if anything comes up.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57How many female historical figures has the Bank of England
0:07:57 > 0:08:00put on a new banknote?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Go.- None.- Correct.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Elizabeth Fry is going to be removed. Penal reformer.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09How do you feel about women being ignored like this, Johnny, Paul?
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Sorry, Deborah.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Did anyone see the interview Bruce Johnson? Boris, Bruce.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Bruce Johnson!- Bruce. - He was in the Beach Boys.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Who's the other guy? The kung fu guy? Anyway.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Did anyone see Bruce...? Oh, f...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Did anyone see the interview Boris Johnson
0:08:30 > 0:08:32gave this week on the subject of the EU?
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Keep your eye on the right-hand side of the screen.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41If we're honest, democratically, it would be rather a...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44LAUGHTER
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Hang on. Here it is slowed down.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55LAUGHTER
0:08:55 > 0:08:56JOHNNY: That's my dad.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01APPLAUSE
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Paul and Johnny, hello.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Hello.- Good evening and welcome. Take a look at this.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Oh, it's black and white.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13These look like spies in London Zoo. Sort of handing over...
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Oh, yes, this is - the wigs are the clue.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17There was a man in Russia...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19That's him! That's the guy.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Some American CIA agent, I believe,
0:09:21 > 0:09:24who was caught in Russia with a selection of cheap wigs and...
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Yep, that's the guy.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27..fake passports and all that kind of stuff.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30It was a bit ludicrous, really, because it was sort of amidst all
0:09:30 > 0:09:31the high tech of modern espionage,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34here was a man who was wearing a little blonde wig and his suitcase
0:09:34 > 0:09:36and stuff. That's what it was about, isn't it?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39It's the biggest spy scandal since Sky 1 failed to recommission
0:09:39 > 0:09:42a certain award-winning comedy.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Still amazing how people don't have Sky, isn't that weird?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50I've got Sky, I just don't watch anything with "Sky" written on it.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Hands up how many people have got Sky.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I got it, but I got given it for nothing.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57And then got paranoid that they were just recording me conversations
0:09:57 > 0:09:59in the house.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04They're putting them out on a channel that you're not watching.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Yeah, I'm just putting on a channel and speaking in hushed tones going,
0:10:07 > 0:10:08"It's tea time.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12"But don't tell them what we're eating."
0:10:12 > 0:10:16What alerted the Russian security service to the fact that
0:10:16 > 0:10:19this Ryan Fogle might not be simply the Third Secretary
0:10:19 > 0:10:22from the political section of the US Embassy?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Was he wearing all three wigs at the same time?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Let's have a look at the spy wig.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Plastic surgery's not very advanced in Russia,
0:10:29 > 0:10:31according to that bloke on the right.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Has he been arrested for forming a sixth form band?
0:10:35 > 0:10:37How did the Russians identify Mr Fogle?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Well, if you're the Third Political Secretary, you are a spook.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Traditionally.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44So they saw him and then they saw that the wig didn't fit.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47No, but his rudimentary kit also included his...
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Twat.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Ah, yes, the follow up.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02No, no, no, he was also carrying a letter written in Russian.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05To the contacts, to the person he was going to turn.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07To become a spy for us.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Or for the Americans, anyway.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- And it said, "Dear colleague..." - "Dear friend."
0:11:11 > 0:11:17- Friend?- Yeah, and offered £65,300 for an initial interview.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18- Yeah.- Explaining...
0:11:24 > 0:11:29"Especially as I, myself, am a bungling amateur."
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Did he also have one of those business cards that you
0:11:31 > 0:11:33print off at the, you know, the service stations?
0:11:33 > 0:11:37"I also am available for children's parties."
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Yes, well, it continued...
0:11:45 > 0:11:46"That's right.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49"We've written everything down in this incriminating letter
0:11:49 > 0:11:52"to be handed over to you by a man wearing three pairs of glasses
0:11:52 > 0:11:56"and a dodgy wig."
0:11:56 > 0:11:59So, what were the instructions given to the "target" to devise
0:11:59 > 0:12:03a highly complex and secure way of communicating with his new bosses?
0:12:03 > 0:12:07"Wander around St Petersburg asking people if
0:12:07 > 0:12:10"the seagull flies high over Krakow tonight?"
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Actually, he was told to...
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Well, that's secure(!)
0:12:19 > 0:12:23I've only had my credit card raided twice through doing that.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Do you think they're targeting you?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27There's a fundamental paranoia at work.
0:12:27 > 0:12:32I reckon they're after those tea bags.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33The pyramid!
0:12:33 > 0:12:34It changed the world!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Know what I mean? First of all the Egyptians and now me!
0:12:39 > 0:12:40APPLAUSE
0:12:40 > 0:12:43My favourite television programme.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- It's like a show but we're selling stuff.- Yeah.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48And people are suffering as...
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I've got to shut up, I need that money.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54It's lovely.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57He's after your job, he's trying to lure you in.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58- Yeah.- Make a mistake.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00We can have you in as a cameo.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02You're like an evil coffee drinker.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10- How was Ben Fogle, sorry, Ryan Fogle...- Ryan Fogle. Not Ben Fogle.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12How has he been described by the Russians?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Well, probably no better than we have described him now.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Yes, exactly.- Part of the point of this is just to take the focus
0:13:18 > 0:13:22away from the fact that Russia and America were getting quite friendly
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- and Putin doesn't want that.- What, might the whole thing have been
0:13:25 > 0:13:27set up on the part of the Russian government, do you think?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29They could have set him up so the Americans look bad
0:13:29 > 0:13:31and they don't have to cooperate any more.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- So it could be very sinister. - Interesting.- As well as amusing.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Some members of the Russian government are alarmed
0:13:36 > 0:13:39at increasing closeness between Russia and the West
0:13:39 > 0:13:42and might be trying to drive a wedge between them.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45In these pictures, taken a few days ago, Vladimir Putin seems to
0:13:45 > 0:13:48be paying David Cameron very, very close attention.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57So many echoes of the Cold War and spies.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Try and guess what headlines the papers chose to go
0:13:59 > 0:14:01with on this particular thing.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- Good evening, Mr Blond. - Very good.- Thank you.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I could work for a tabloid.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- It's always nice to have an ambition in life, isn't it?- It is.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12So, staying with Russia,
0:14:12 > 0:14:15anyone know what song the Russian armed forces are choosing
0:14:15 > 0:14:16to march to?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Is it Dancing With The Captain by Paul Nicholas?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Let's have a look.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37# SpongeBob SquarePants
0:14:37 > 0:14:41# SpongeBob SquarePants. #
0:14:41 > 0:14:45APPLAUSE
0:14:45 > 0:14:47That's fantastic.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49If you were ever scared of the Red Army, it's gone.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Do they know about his friend Patrick?
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- Patrick?- Yeah.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55What's Patrick's condition?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59Well, Patrick's the first openly-gay cartoon crab, I think.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01- Is he a crab, Patrick? - No, he's a starfish.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- Starfish, sorry. - I've come into me own now.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Mr Krabby, he runs a local burger joint -
0:15:08 > 0:15:10it's not McDonalds.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12It's very similar and he's very tight-fisted.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14And...yeah, he goes to a boat school.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16He desperately wants to drive a boat.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19But he can never get his licence.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21It's gripping stuff.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I should have possibly watched less of that
0:15:23 > 0:15:27and more of the news before I came on here.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30But something instinctively told me it might come up as a subject.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Well, it did.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33And now it's gone.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Yes, this is the espionage scandal in which an unidentified person
0:15:37 > 0:15:39was captured in Moscow this week
0:15:39 > 0:15:42along with an espionage kit, which included...
0:15:46 > 0:15:51Either he's a spy or Elton John is now lost in Russia on his tour.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54So, at the end of that round, two points each.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Oh!
0:16:02 > 0:16:07And so, the round two, the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Is it inbreeding in the Royal Family?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19DEBORAH: No, it's the original...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Isn't that the Duke of Clarence?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Is it the original Olympics?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27There's beer-swilling and shin-kicking and...
0:16:27 > 0:16:29The Cotswold Olimpicks.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32They were chronicled in an ancient pamphlet, which is up for auction.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33According to the Times...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Much like the career of Bruce Forsyth.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46See if you can identify the sort of games that were played,
0:16:46 > 0:16:48using an image taken from the book.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51It looks like sword fighting we can see top right.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52- Standing on your head, in the middle.- Yeah.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Misunderstanding perspective.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58That was a very popular sport at the time.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Hand stands.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02- JOHNNY VEGAS: Shin-kicking. - Say again?- Shin-kicking.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Did you just copy me?- That's right. - Did you just copy me?
0:17:06 > 0:17:08No, you said hand stands.
0:17:08 > 0:17:12Oh, no, you're right. I said hand stands.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- Yeah, but were you copying her? - I'm confused enough as it is.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18If you start making things up, I'm in real trouble.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Anyone know what dwile flonking is?
0:17:21 > 0:17:25He sounds like a daytime presenter. "Over to Dwile Flonking."
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Is that the beer thing?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Yes, yes.- That's the beer.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33JOHNNY: Why would you dodge them?
0:17:41 > 0:17:42That's like a packed lunch.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Let's have a look at you, Deborah, on Dragons' Den,
0:17:46 > 0:17:50giving some encouragement to some hopeful entrepreneurs.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04DEBORAH: 'Oh, no. No.'
0:18:05 > 0:18:07'Oh, dear.'
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Do you know? I am not going to waste my words any more. So I'm out.
0:18:13 > 0:18:14APPLAUSE
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I would pay to watch you speed date.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25What has Delia Smith said this week?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27She has said that we need to go back
0:18:27 > 0:18:31to cooking without using recipe books.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Yeah, but the series just before, she was basically doing Findus
0:18:35 > 0:18:39and Birds Eye, wasn't she? So, how further back can we go?
0:18:39 > 0:18:43- Findus and Birds Eye? Delia Smith? - You had to have a microwave.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I can't do the maths.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49If it's an 850W or a 700W, you know, and they go for two and...
0:18:49 > 0:18:52I just put it in for ten minutes and turn it into soup.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I just prepare my straw and wait for the ding.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00This is the Cotswold Olimpicks,
0:19:00 > 0:19:04which began in the 17th century and still takes place today.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08The games include a gurning competition.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Of course, the best gurn in the Cotswolds last year was
0:19:11 > 0:19:14given by Rebekah Brooks, when the police turned up.
0:19:15 > 0:19:21And the first games in 1612 were rocked by scandal when some of the
0:19:21 > 0:19:25competitors tested positive for snuff.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26So, fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31BUZZER
0:19:31 > 0:19:36This is Chris Hadfield who has celebrated his final days
0:19:36 > 0:19:41up in the Space Station by serenading us with a Bowie song.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44That's right, Space Oddity, here it is.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48# Though I've flown 100,000 miles
0:19:48 > 0:19:52# I'm feeling very still
0:19:53 > 0:19:59# And before too long I know it's time to go
0:20:00 > 0:20:07# Our commander comes down back to Earth and knows... #
0:20:09 > 0:20:11He's changed the lyrics as well.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24It's not bad, is it?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26He's no Des Lynam, but anyway.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Actually, how did David Bowie respond, do you think?
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, I should think he was immensely chuffed.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- Well, actually he tweeted.- Did he? - Yeah.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39So what else has Chris Hadfield done to attract attention to himself
0:20:39 > 0:20:41whilst up in space?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Has he started a war with Mars?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46He's actually tweeted from his position on the
0:20:46 > 0:20:49International Space Station which actually is...
0:20:51 > 0:20:53I mean that's incredible, isn't it? It's incredible.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I can't even get a 3G signal in Tooting.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Ah, so why might it be easier to travel to space from Sussex
0:21:00 > 0:21:02than was previously thought?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Eh, Sussex is the highest place on the Earth.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08LAUGHTER
0:21:08 > 0:21:10So it takes less time to get there.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13According to the Brighton Argus...
0:21:17 > 0:21:19LAUGHTER
0:21:24 > 0:21:26That could be a door though, couldn't it?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31You know, there's the kitchen, there's the hallway.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33It's another place.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37It's worrying news because Des Lynam lives in Brighton.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Any minute he'll start pushing immigrants down the vortex.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Does anyone know how this discovery was made?
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- What, of the portal?- Yes.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49Why doesn't everybody know this story? This is fantastic.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52A member of the public in Brighton told Hove City Council...
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Affenpinscher, isn't that a crime in Austria?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11So, on the subject of sounds in unexpected places,
0:22:11 > 0:22:15what has been troubling funeral goers?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17- Oh, mobile phones going off...- Yeah. - ..in coffins.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Go on.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20LAUGHTER
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Where are you? We said we'd meet at half past two.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Where are you?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27In a study for the Co-operative Funeral Care,
0:22:27 > 0:22:30funerals were found to be the most inappropriate place to use
0:22:30 > 0:22:32a mobile phone.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33According to the Times...
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Well, this is what'll happen.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Yeah, but the pallbearers did.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52I actually had a big shock today.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I have officially been told by Who Do You Think You Are?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57that my family has achieved
0:22:57 > 0:23:03so little in 400 years that they're not going to bother.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- AUDIENCE: Aw.- Aw.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06APPLAUSE
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Are you serious?- Serious.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15All we did was illegally bury a body, but there's not much...
0:23:15 > 0:23:16LAUGHTER
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21BUZZER
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Oh, sorry, we've not had a question. I panicked, I panicked.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24I panicked.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Oh, here we go.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- Yeah.- DEBORAH: Who is it?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32BUZZER
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- That's the Israeli PM.- Oh, it's the amount of money he spends.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37He spends a fortune on his hair
0:23:37 > 0:23:39and clothes and whatever he's holding there.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Ice cream and food and stuff.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43He paid to have a bed put on a plane when he came over
0:23:43 > 0:23:46for Mrs Thatcher's funeral so he could get some sleep.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49He could have slept during the funeral.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53So what embarrassing revelation was revealed about Netanyahu's
0:23:53 > 0:23:55eating habits at the start of the year?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Is he sort of very fond of desserts?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59That would be scandalous.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- JOHNNY: What, Zoom lollies? - We don't know.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05His household account showed that he had a budget...
0:24:10 > 0:24:11And presumably that's...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14..Wailing Walls.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17AUDIENCE GROANS
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Come on.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22You've spent a lot of money on ice cream, haven't you, Deborah?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Mine's doggie ice cream.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Are those the ingredients?
0:24:26 > 0:24:28What's doggie ice cream?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Nutritious ice treats for dogs.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Don't look at me like that, Ian.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- I thought we were on the same team. - Yeah.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Well, nominally.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39You're missing tea bags now, aren't you?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44- Shall we see this?- Yeah, they've probably got an advert for it.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46DEBORAH: There you go.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48JOHNNY: That's ice cream for dogs and I look at that
0:24:48 > 0:24:51and all I can hear is # Where is love? #
0:24:53 > 0:24:58So you've found a way of giving dogs the same guilt as my wife.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00DEBORAH: Dogs don't feel guilty.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04JOHNNY: A dog now can sit there and go, "I hate meself."
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Thanks, Deborah. Now, I want to rock in the corner and cry.
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Now the other dogs ignore me at the park.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Speaking of the Middle East...
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Why don't we bring out some Polaroids for dogs?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21What's this man doing?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23He's delivering Kentucky Fried Chicken.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26He's going through the border and delivering Kentucky Fried Chicken
0:25:26 > 0:25:27to a country where they have no outlets.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29It's the Al-Yamama delivery firm,
0:25:29 > 0:25:32who's delivering KFC into the Gaza Strip.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35But how long has Elvis Presley had this job?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Everybody's looking at the bag.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41It's Elvis Presley!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43There's your story.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46In other news, what was advertised in the Stage magazine this week?
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Was it a job(?)
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Don't knock it, pal! - Yeah, exactly.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55A company recruiting for a new telesales position
0:25:55 > 0:25:57advertised for a vacancy.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Let's have a look at the advert.
0:26:00 > 0:26:03Fingers on buzzers, teams, please.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08BUZZER
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Oh, yes, this is the great invention.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13In about five, ten years' time, they reckon they'll have a car
0:26:13 > 0:26:16which you'll be able to get into and say, "Take me home,"
0:26:16 > 0:26:19and the car will take you home. It will react to other cars around it.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21It's the driverless car.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24You'll be able to get into the car in whatever condition you like
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- and be delivered home safely. - You can drink, then?- Absolutely.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Pubs in the countryside - not that it really bothers them anyway
0:26:30 > 0:26:33in the countryside - but they'll be looking forward to this
0:26:33 > 0:26:35because it means you can have a few and get home safely.
0:26:35 > 0:26:39This invention that you just get in and whatever state you're in,
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- you say and it takes you home... - A taxi.- Yeah.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Sorry, you were taking a little while to get there.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50I know this route, I know a shortcut round the back.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Round the back of the gasworks, turn left,
0:26:52 > 0:26:54turn left there, there you are, that's the ice rink,
0:26:54 > 0:26:56that's where you want to be.
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Eh, actually, here's Sergey Brin, he's founder of Google
0:27:00 > 0:27:03and one of the people backing the idea, in one of the cars.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Yeah, you can see it's a Google car, look, because there's no tax disc.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Tch!
0:27:13 > 0:27:14In other technology news,
0:27:14 > 0:27:18what have more than 100,000 people downloaded this week?
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Do we not know?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21No.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22- DEEP VOICE:- A gun.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Oh, yes. The plastic 3-D gun.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27A controversial group in America has released the blueprints
0:27:27 > 0:27:29to a gun you can print on a 3-D printer.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32What did the Mail On Sunday do with one of these guns?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Kill somebody?
0:27:34 > 0:27:38No, they fired it at a... No, I don't know. I didn't read it.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41No idea. I could be here for ages. They built one.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44They built it and they took it on Eurostar.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45JOHNNY: Wow(!)
0:27:45 > 0:27:48So, is it just the gun that's made of plastic?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Yeah.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54JOHNNY: Doesn't it look like he's just run out of roses to water?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58Eat your heart out, Ryan Fogle.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05In other technological advances, what can men now do?
0:28:05 > 0:28:09- Easy, Deborah. - What can men now do?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10JOHNNY: Tell the truth.
0:28:10 > 0:28:14In an awkward social situation.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19- Get pregnant. - Ah, we're getting near.
0:28:19 > 0:28:22We're getting near to it? What's near to being pregnant?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25I genuinely hope so, because my figure's already gone.
0:28:25 > 0:28:30I'm desperate to have a child to justify this.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32You can. You can.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36They can experience the pain of childbirth by using a new simulator,
0:28:36 > 0:28:40and here are two reporters from a local station in Michigan
0:28:40 > 0:28:42giving it a try. Watch this.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44MAN GROANS
0:28:44 > 0:28:48It's starting to come down now, you guys are doing awesome.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50MAN BREATHES HEAVILY
0:28:50 > 0:28:52AUDIENCE LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:29:05 > 0:29:07But then they turn the simulator on!
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Yes, the driverless car is soon to be seen on British roads.
0:29:11 > 0:29:15Manufacturer Malcolm McCulloch told the Sunday Times...
0:29:17 > 0:29:21Which is great news, because it means that a presenter-less Top Gear
0:29:21 > 0:29:23could be deployable within six.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30In other technology news, 3D printable guns have been banned.
0:29:30 > 0:29:34Now, a 3-D printer costs about 8,000,
0:29:34 > 0:29:36and obviously, once you've bought one, the first thing to do
0:29:36 > 0:29:38is print out another printer.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44One between you this week.
0:29:44 > 0:29:45Chris Huhne,
0:29:45 > 0:29:47Sisyphus,
0:29:47 > 0:29:49Radio Stoke's Paula White,
0:29:49 > 0:29:51and marathon runner Jake Harrison.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53Is this about sentencing?
0:29:53 > 0:29:56Chris Huhne has just come out of prison.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58Sisyphus - eternal life sentence.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- Quite strict. - Sentencing is good, yeah.
0:30:01 > 0:30:02So it is sentencing?
0:30:02 > 0:30:04No.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06DEBORAH: It's good, but it's wrong.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08Is it lying? Because Sisyphus was in for lying.
0:30:08 > 0:30:09No.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Is it pushing a rock up a hill?
0:30:11 > 0:30:14JOHNNY: What I never understood with that,
0:30:14 > 0:30:16as punishment pushing the rock up the hill, is...
0:30:16 > 0:30:18there's got to be a point where you go,
0:30:18 > 0:30:20"I'm never going to reach the top."
0:30:22 > 0:30:25They are watching, and they come and get him if he ever stops.
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Oh, do they?
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Who are watching, Ian?
0:30:28 > 0:30:29G4S.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Wouldn't let him...they let him go.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37They've all failed to finish what they were doing,
0:30:37 > 0:30:41apart from Jake Harrison, who did complete the Marathon of the North,
0:30:41 > 0:30:43but was the only one to do so,
0:30:43 > 0:30:46as the other 793 runners went the wrong way.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Was he responsible for putting the arrows up, this bloke?
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Have you ever managed a full marathon, John?
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Well, it's Snickers nowadays.
0:30:56 > 0:30:57Wah-wah!
0:31:01 > 0:31:05- No. I-I've actually got a letter off me doctor, for life.- Yeah.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07I get cigarettes on the NHS.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09I'm the only one.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11What compensation...
0:31:11 > 0:31:13- Cos with running... Oh, sorry.- I'm so sorry, Johnny.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15It's OK. You carry on.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18- Should I?- Yeah, this one's best left in me head.- OK.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Chris Huhne and his ex-wife Vicky Pryce,
0:31:20 > 0:31:22who were released from prison this week
0:31:22 > 0:31:26after completing just two months of their eight-month prison sentence
0:31:26 > 0:31:28for perverting the course of justice.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31Is everything forgiven between Huhne and Pryce now?
0:31:31 > 0:31:34I have no evidence, but I should think they're probably
0:31:34 > 0:31:36less than chums.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39The Mirror has revealed that Pryce is intent on
0:31:39 > 0:31:43humiliating Chris and is going to write a...
0:31:43 > 0:31:46Chris Huhne is also thought to be considering a tell-all memoir,
0:31:46 > 0:31:51but only if he can persuade Vicky Pryce to write it for him!
0:31:51 > 0:31:54What does Chris Huhne plan to do now he's a convicted felon?
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Hire a chauffeur?
0:31:56 > 0:31:59One Liberal Democrat source assured us that...
0:32:05 > 0:32:08..Unless, of course, it involves politics,
0:32:08 > 0:32:09driving or crime.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13Or marriage.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17See bottom left, is that the woman who was
0:32:17 > 0:32:20dropped from Radio Stoke for slurring on air?
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- JOHNNY: She was hammered. It was brilliant.- Was she?
0:32:23 > 0:32:27According to other people, who were sober,
0:32:27 > 0:32:29she sounded awful.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31She kept apologising for sounding drunk
0:32:31 > 0:32:34but saying she wasn't drunk, but then going...
0:32:34 > 0:32:36SLURRED: "I'm just merry.
0:32:36 > 0:32:38"Coming up is...is the travel..."
0:32:39 > 0:32:42- Shall we have a listen? - Yes, all right.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Eh, Tina in Blurton would like to hear Charlie Rich,
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Most Beautiful Girl In The World.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49- SHE LAUGHS - Tina!
0:32:49 > 0:32:51SHE MUMBLES
0:32:51 > 0:32:52Eh, Tony in Hanford says,
0:32:52 > 0:32:56"I'm going back by Felco..." I'm going back WHERE?!
0:32:56 > 0:33:00Between now and four o'clock, we're having a part-ay!
0:33:02 > 0:33:04We can.
0:33:04 > 0:33:05We absolutely can.
0:33:05 > 0:33:08Rich in Talke says, "Paula, you sound drunk."
0:33:08 > 0:33:11I'm not drunk. I've had a couple of drinks. I'm not drunk.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13SHE LAUGHS
0:33:15 > 0:33:18- You've been on Paula's show, haven't you?- Have I been on Paula's show?
0:33:18 > 0:33:24- According to the producers, you've been on Paula's show. - I don't know. Neither of us remember.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32According to Greek mythology,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Sisyphus was a Corinthian king punished for his deceitfulness
0:33:35 > 0:33:38by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill
0:33:38 > 0:33:40only to watch it roll back again for ever.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42If you're looking for a modern equivalent,
0:33:42 > 0:33:46it's like Pauline Prescott trying to get John out of bed.
0:33:46 > 0:33:49Chris Huhne has been released, and so has his wife, Vicky Pryce,
0:33:49 > 0:33:51who's announced that she'll be writing a book about her
0:33:51 > 0:33:54prison experiences called...
0:33:54 > 0:33:56PAUL CHUCKLES
0:33:56 > 0:33:59She's going to tell us the economic case against prison
0:33:59 > 0:34:01and how you can save money.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04One of the ways would have been if she'd pleaded guilty straight away.
0:34:04 > 0:34:07So we wouldn't have had to bloody well tried her.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14Apparently, it is due out in September.
0:34:14 > 0:34:17So we can expect it on our shelves in a couple of weeks.
0:34:17 > 0:34:18And...
0:34:20 > 0:34:23OK, time now for the Missing Words Round.
0:34:23 > 0:34:28- This week's guest publication is the British Investment Digest.- Ooh.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31And we start with...
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Have found a verb they like.
0:34:40 > 0:34:42The answer is...
0:34:46 > 0:34:48I always said that capitalism sucks.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Freedom for Tooting.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Next...
0:35:00 > 0:35:03DEBORAH: Drank. What do students do? Drank.
0:35:03 > 0:35:04The answer is...
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Ah!
0:35:07 > 0:35:10You can warn young people all you like about
0:35:10 > 0:35:12the danger of sucking up beer too fiercely
0:35:12 > 0:35:15but honestly, it just goes in one ear and out the other, really.
0:35:15 > 0:35:16Come on!
0:35:16 > 0:35:19APPLAUSE
0:35:21 > 0:35:22Next.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25This is an easily bully-able audience.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28They groan, you threaten them, they applaud you!
0:35:28 > 0:35:30Moving on...
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Controlling human beings?
0:35:36 > 0:35:38The answer is...
0:35:41 > 0:35:44According to the Metro, the turtles...
0:35:46 > 0:35:50How's a turtle going to get through customs in the first place?
0:35:54 > 0:35:57You know, it's not easy, is it? Passport?
0:35:58 > 0:36:01DEBORAH: Can I just say - that is a tortoise not a turtle!
0:36:01 > 0:36:03How dare you!
0:36:06 > 0:36:10I've earned my living impersonating reptiles all me life.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11Next...
0:36:17 > 0:36:19..what?
0:36:19 > 0:36:21DEBORAH: As Fergie retires?
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Well, the answer is...
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Oh, for goodness' sake!
0:36:28 > 0:36:30- For goodness' sake. - It's quite obvious, isn't it?
0:36:30 > 0:36:33You feel stupid when you can't get something like that.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39The only way I'd be less interested in that sentence
0:36:39 > 0:36:42is if it had the words "Peter Andre" in it, but never mind...
0:36:42 > 0:36:43Next...
0:36:46 > 0:36:48What?
0:36:48 > 0:36:50- It's Super Miliband! - DEBORAH: Super Miliband.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53Yes, that is the correct answer.
0:36:53 > 0:36:56This is an injured cyclist who's been rescued by the Labour leader.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Cyclist Ella Phillips said, on seeing Ed Miliband...
0:37:05 > 0:37:08Adding that he was...
0:37:08 > 0:37:09Next...
0:37:11 > 0:37:12What?
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Is it Frank Ifield?
0:37:15 > 0:37:17# I remember you-ou...#
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Nobody else does. Not you, Robert, the song.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23No, the answer is...
0:37:24 > 0:37:27JOHNNY: At what point do you cue that up as backup? Yodelling?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29"We've lost traffic and travel. Quick."
0:37:29 > 0:37:31HE YODELS
0:37:31 > 0:37:35- "All right, I'll pull off 'ere." - Next...
0:37:36 > 0:37:37What?
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- JOHNNY: Bit off more than she should chew?- Oh, could be.
0:37:41 > 0:37:44There are a lot of Bs there, so it could be alliterative.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47Bottom-biting boss beats BBC backwards...bollocks.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Doesn't really work!
0:37:50 > 0:37:53DEBORAH: Apparently, she was involved in horseplay,
0:37:53 > 0:37:55which sounds quite...
0:37:55 > 0:37:58- I know the answer, I think. - She's giving it.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Yeah, do you mind? I've started...
0:38:01 > 0:38:02Oh, sorry. Sorry.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04She actually draws blood.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06I need some of that dogs' ice cream.
0:38:09 > 0:38:10Just to placate me.
0:38:14 > 0:38:18Apparently, they were involved in horseplay and it went too far
0:38:18 > 0:38:23- and she accidentally bit somebody's bottom and drew blood. - She might be an arse vampire!
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Instead of the neck, concentrates on the arse.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Everybody's muffled up here, got crucifixes. You bend over - wallop!
0:38:29 > 0:38:32The answer is...
0:38:33 > 0:38:34Next.
0:38:36 > 0:38:37..what?
0:38:37 > 0:38:39Brass-rubbing.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41In Norwich.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Try turning it on.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47The answer is...
0:38:49 > 0:38:51And finally...
0:38:53 > 0:38:55What?
0:38:55 > 0:38:57JOHNNY: Are still virgins.
0:38:59 > 0:39:03Have agreed on a universal
0:39:03 > 0:39:06single monetary...
0:39:08 > 0:39:09..system.
0:39:09 > 0:39:13- No, they had a fight.- They had a fight. There was a convention...
0:39:13 > 0:39:17This wasn't in a portal in Brighton, by any chance?
0:39:17 > 0:39:21- The answer is separated by police. - Separated by police!
0:39:21 > 0:39:24Some guy who'd been giving it large and then realised
0:39:24 > 0:39:28that his lightsaber couldn't actually slice an arm off...
0:39:28 > 0:39:30said to the police, "Come on, then!"
0:39:30 > 0:39:34and then realised he was effectively hitting him with a plastic torch.
0:39:34 > 0:39:37Surely when the police arrived, somebody must have said,
0:39:37 > 0:39:39"Oh, the force is with you"?
0:39:39 > 0:39:43They must have said that. They must have done.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45So, the final scores are...
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Paul and Johnny - 4, and Ian and Deborah - 7.
0:39:48 > 0:39:52- Yes!- It's a win.- I don't understand.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54APPLAUSE
0:39:56 > 0:40:00But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03Ian and Deborah have this...
0:40:03 > 0:40:05Is that an eel?
0:40:08 > 0:40:11- Or are you just pleased to see me? - Yeah.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15JOHNNY: The penguin on the end's going, "That's not my mum!"
0:40:16 > 0:40:19It's a new penguin pervert awareness scheme!
0:40:19 > 0:40:23When you see someone naked offering you a fish, just shout!
0:40:23 > 0:40:25There's one penguin saying to another,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28"I hope there's not a hole in that bucket.
0:40:28 > 0:40:30"We've got to eat our dinner out of that."
0:40:30 > 0:40:33He tried this last week at the cinema, with popcorn.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36Go on, Paul, you get this one.
0:40:36 > 0:40:40"That's nice, isn't it? I've only just come to visit your country,
0:40:40 > 0:40:42"and here we are, remembering old times."
0:40:43 > 0:40:45APPLAUSE
0:40:47 > 0:40:51Yes! On which note, we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:51 > 0:40:54and Deborah Meaden, Johnny Vegas and Paul Merton.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57And I leave you with the news that amid continuing reports that
0:40:57 > 0:41:00Boris Johnson is aiming to be the Prime Minister,
0:41:00 > 0:41:03David Cameron buys him a coffee to bury the hatchet...
0:41:06 > 0:41:09In Malmo, the director of the Eurovision Song Contest makes
0:41:09 > 0:41:13final preparations for the thrilling four-hour spectacle...
0:41:15 > 0:41:18..and a scientist at Oxford University finds
0:41:18 > 0:41:21an exact replica of Michael Gove's brain.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27Power to the people. Goodnight.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29APPLAUSE
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd