0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:23 > 0:00:29APPLAUSE
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm David Mitchell.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44In the news this week, in Blackburn, a young man begins to wonder
0:00:44 > 0:00:47whether the salesman was being completely honest
0:00:47 > 0:00:51when he offered him a test ride on the new 500cc Kawasaki superbike.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55TRUMPETER MAKES MOTORBIKE REVVING NOISES
0:00:58 > 0:01:02In Blackpool, just days after winning £27 million on the Lottery,
0:01:02 > 0:01:05a pensioner hears about the death of his wife.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15As Simon Cowell installs extra security after his burglary,
0:01:15 > 0:01:18there's concern that the new guard dog needs to sharpen up a bit.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22LOUD SNORING
0:01:27 > 0:01:31And, in order to disprove vicious rumours that he's a bully,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Labour Deputy Leader Tom Watson releases home video footage
0:01:34 > 0:01:37of him playing with his child at Christmas.
0:01:49 > 0:01:54On Ian's team tonight is a journalist and Newsnight presenter
0:01:54 > 0:01:57who says it's about time we had a female chancellor.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00That's one drastic cut I'd like to see George Osborne make.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Please welcome Kirsty Wark.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06APPLAUSE
0:02:08 > 0:02:12And with Paul tonight is a comedian and co-writer of Outnumbered
0:02:12 > 0:02:14and Drop The Dead Donkey who says,
0:02:14 > 0:02:16"We make things that we would like to watch."
0:02:16 > 0:02:20So do a lot of people, but they call it sexting.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Please welcome Andy Hamilton.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24APPLAUSE
0:02:28 > 0:02:31And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Paul and Andy, take a look at this.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Oh, yes, rather beautiful image
0:02:35 > 0:02:37but drastic for the people who live there. Cumbria.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39The floodings have been pretty grim.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Cameron, he does look as if he's saying,
0:02:42 > 0:02:44"I can make this water go back," doesn't he?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47He's about to make a Canute of himself.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52There's an awful lot of water in this, so I suspect this
0:02:52 > 0:02:54is about the floods in Cumbria and other parts of the country.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Dreadful conditions that people have been putting up with.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I'm not sure it's a good idea to show so much
0:03:00 > 0:03:03footage of lots of water to men of our age at the top of the show.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07But I think there's been a bit of controversy because
0:03:07 > 0:03:10there's meant to be some sort of flood plans that weren't
0:03:10 > 0:03:13put into plan about three years ago that might have stopped
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- the worst of this?- They say that even the flood defences
0:03:15 > 0:03:17the water came over worked a bit.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Cos if they'd been lower, they would have come over quicker.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22So, you'd have been flooded quicker without that.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Which I think was a comfort to a lot of people.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28You can put a positive spin on it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Here's Environment Minister Rory Stewart
0:03:30 > 0:03:33explaining how effective some of the defences have been.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37So, the main defence here on the Warwick Road is just behind that
0:03:37 > 0:03:39group of buildings that we can see.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41And that defence, it wasn't breached.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44But what's happened is the water's come over the top.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45So that defence has worked well.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52Didn't naming the storm make us more storm aware?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Cos, apparently, the phrase
0:03:54 > 0:03:57"There's a life-threatening storm on the way,"
0:03:57 > 0:03:58people just tune that out.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01But if you say, "There's a life-threatening storm on the way,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03"and, oh, incidentally, it's got a name,"
0:04:03 > 0:04:05they're galvanised, but it didn't.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- That's because it was called Desmond.- Well, exactly.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09That's a suburban name.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I mean, Desmond is not a destructive storm, is it?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Desmond is someone who rings your doorbell with
0:04:13 > 0:04:15a petition about speed bumps.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21You need frightening, terrifying, destructive names,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24like Storm Genghis. Or...
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Storm Bastard.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32You can't have those same jolly weather forecasters being all
0:04:32 > 0:04:35cosy and cheerful, saying, "Oh, Desmond's on the way."
0:04:35 > 0:04:38It's not scary. You know, you need the bloke who does the cinema ads.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- DEEP GRAVELLY VOICE: - Off the coast of Cornwall...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44In a world where umbrellas are futile.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48It gave opportunities for people
0:04:48 > 0:04:51who didn't have swimming pools to improvise.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53There was a wonderful picture of a lovely old man
0:04:53 > 0:04:54swimming in his kitchen.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Yes, indeed, that's 72-year-old Kendal resident Peter Clarkson.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00And here he is swimming.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02AUDIENCE GROAN
0:05:02 > 0:05:04There was a daring rescue at a house in Carlisle.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- Did you read about that?- No. - Angela Watson told the Guardian:
0:05:28 > 0:05:30There were some cows that got rescued.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33They got washed away,
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- and one was found 20 miles away, I think.- Off the coast of Brazil.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41That's absolutely right, apart from the coast of Brazil bit.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44This is Gordon Tweedie's pregnant cow.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48You should maybe clarify that he didn't get it pregnant.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53I'm shocked that you felt that needed clarifying.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Just the way it came out.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- "Gordon Tweedie's pregnant cow." - "He's done it again!"
0:05:59 > 0:06:01All we know is the cow was pregnant,
0:06:01 > 0:06:06- and she was one of 45 of Gordon's cows...- Having a waterbirth.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I think she's still pregnant, I don't think she's given birth.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12She was swept away by a torrent of water with 44 other cows,
0:06:12 > 0:06:16and the pregnant cow was found 20 miles away...
0:06:19 > 0:06:22That's because they wouldn't let her into the clubhouse
0:06:22 > 0:06:23because she was female.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Do you know what happened to Sam and Samantha Thompson's wedding
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- in Ullswater? - That's Cumbria, isn't it?
0:06:29 > 0:06:30They were cut off at the reception...
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Did the best man bring a rubber ring?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Apparently not.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42It's a sensible suggestion, Ian. I don't know why people are so grumpy.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Two main celebrity flood victims were Tim Farron and Steve Coogan.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Do you know the situation he found himself in?- In a car with his dog.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52- Yeah.- It says here,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Steve Coogan was trapped in a car with a German Shepherd.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56So, it could be.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03And, yes, Lib Dem leader Tim Farron was trapped in Westmorland.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Some of the floodwaters came up to Tim's chest.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Although elsewhere it was quite deep.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Did you see what the Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi
0:07:12 > 0:07:15did when there were floods in the Chennai region,
0:07:15 > 0:07:17when he was photographed by his spin doctors?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- No.- Let's have a look.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Here he is looking through the window at the devastation.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23He's looking at his washing machine.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26It's an aeroplane!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29You make a good point, Kirsty, because the spin doctors
0:07:29 > 0:07:31did not consider that image to be clear enough,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33so they had a little tinker with it.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39That tells the story much better, doesn't it?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41The internet was quick to pounce.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48And who's been taking all the flak, basically, for this disaster?
0:07:48 > 0:07:51It's nature's fault, but who's being...?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Environmental Agency?- And the Environment Secretary, Liz Truss.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59And here she is being grilled by Bill Turnbull this week
0:07:59 > 0:08:01on the Government's handling of the floods.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05It may not be a huge consolation to people whose homes have been flooded
0:08:05 > 0:08:09- when they see newspaper reports, for instance...- Sorry, I can't hear you
0:08:09 > 0:08:10because of the van in the background.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13We'll just let that truck go past, with a bit of luck...
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Very useful, it's stopping right behind you. Can you hear me now?
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Can you hear me now, Miss Truss?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24OK, really usefully, lorries crossing a live shot. Can you hear me now?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- I'm sorry, I can't hear you at all. - Can you hear me now?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I'm going to try talking louder to you, how's that?
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Can you still not hear me?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35All right. Maybe we'll have to give it up.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37I'll try one more time. Liz Truss, Environment Secretary,
0:08:37 > 0:08:39can you hear me?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44That's a politician who's going to go places, because everywhere she goes
0:08:44 > 0:08:46she takes that truck with her.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Liz Truss has been bearing the brunt of a lot of this.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I expect she wishes she was where she was last December.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56In December, I'll be in Beijing,
0:08:56 > 0:08:59opening up new pork markets.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06This is the news that the Government's spending
0:09:06 > 0:09:08on flood defences has been far too low,
0:09:08 > 0:09:10as indeed have the flood defences.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13And do you know who was commended for bravery?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- Was it Brian Blessed? - It always is.- It usually is.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20There's a story most weeks that Brian's rescued someone.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22He's gone and he's sucked up all the water through a straw.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28Now he's going up Mount Everest to wee it down onto Asia.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31- No.- I'll believe that.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35No, it's RTE's Teresa Mannion, who stood in the rain reporting on
0:09:35 > 0:09:38the weather in the Republic of Ireland. Let's have a look.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Cannot repeat the advice often enough from the Garda.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Don't make unnecessary journeys.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Don't take risks on treacherous roads.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49And don't swim in the sea.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- I love that.- The floods have also led to a spate of burglaries.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Furious Carlisle resident Michael Johnson said:
0:10:04 > 0:10:07He's since been arrested for stealing police tape.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Ian and Kirsty, take a look at this.
0:10:11 > 0:10:12AUDIENCE AND KIRSTY GROAN
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Yes - boo.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Donald Trump is so dammed attractive.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21He's very keen on pictures of himself.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23And he's signing it for himself.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26He said that all Muslims should be banned.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29But he announced it in the third person.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Which is a sure sign of a lunatic.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Yeah.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37He said, "Donald J Trump... has announced..."
0:10:37 > 0:10:40You thought, "Oh, is that not you, then?"
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Distancing yourself from this bigoted idiot.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Yes, you're absolutely right. This is the announcement he made.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Let's have a look at him doing it.
0:10:50 > 0:10:55Donald J Trump is calling for a total and complete shut down
0:10:55 > 0:10:58of Muslims entering the United States,
0:10:58 > 0:11:01until our country's representatives
0:11:01 > 0:11:05can figure out what the hell is going on.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Who WOULD be able to get into America under Trump?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13He said he's always got on very well with the blacks.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Someone said on the radio,
0:11:15 > 0:11:18"Is that the Blacks who are a white couple who live three doors down?"
0:11:19 > 0:11:23When he says stuff, it doesn't have to be practical,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26it doesn't have to be true... cos he's a liar.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28He's a liar and he's a racist.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29He's a friend of Piers Morgan...
0:11:29 > 0:11:31LAUGHTER
0:11:31 > 0:11:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on...
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Piers Morgan SAID he was.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38No, Piers has got no friends, you know that.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Let's look at how his ban would work in practice. It's quite simple actually.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Trump explained what border guards would say faced with travellers trying to enter the country:
0:11:53 > 0:11:58And if the answer is yes, they wouldn't be allowed into the country. So...
0:11:58 > 0:12:01It's a very workable way... So I think in answer to your question,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04who would be allowed into the country under his system, it's...
0:12:04 > 0:12:06anyone.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10He's getting the backwash now, even from places like Dubai where he has lots of investments,
0:12:10 > 0:12:13they don't want his name attached to it, they're pulling out.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17You know, Trump trinkets sold big in the Middle East.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Trump toothpaste, Trump toothbrushes...
0:12:20 > 0:12:21- Really?!- Yeah.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23- Trump toothbrushes?! - Well, I'm making them up.
0:12:23 > 0:12:28You wouldn't want anything to do with him in your mouth!
0:12:28 > 0:12:32And how did Britain first get involved in Trump's recent remarks?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34He said that London was, er...
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- No-go areas. - London was a no-go area...
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- KIRSTY: For certain police officers. - Yes, he said...
0:12:39 > 0:12:43There are certain places in London police are scared for their lives.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Sports Direct...
0:12:46 > 0:12:47KIRSTY: Yeah...
0:12:47 > 0:12:50"Not going there."
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Yes, he bolsters...
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- Are you one of their regular customers?- Yeah.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57It's where I get my trainers.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- They still do the ones with the buckles?- They do.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05He bolsters his argument about excluding Muslims by saying
0:13:05 > 0:13:08he didn't want US cities to become like London...
0:13:15 > 0:13:19And our very own attention-seeking tousle-haired political funnyman had a response to that.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Who was that, and what did he say?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- It was Boris, he said it was nonsense.- Yes, he said...
0:13:30 > 0:13:33APPLAUSE
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Let's talk about the petition on the Government's website
0:13:37 > 0:13:40to ban Trump from Britain on the grounds of hate speech.
0:13:40 > 0:13:45It would be a huge mistake, because a bit like Isis, that would be giving him exactly what he wants.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48See, that'll play to the myth of him as the outsider, the truth teller.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Yeah, "No-one wants to listen to these very sensible views, they're banning me."
0:13:51 > 0:13:55All you've got to do is listen to his views, and then you realise that you DON'T have to listen to them.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- So we should invite him over. - Yes, exactly.- I'd like him to be host.- Yes!
0:13:59 > 0:14:00ANDY: That'd be perfect.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Am I doing THAT badly?!
0:14:03 > 0:14:07He's replied already, he said, "The whole of Britain should be listening.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10"Wake up!"
0:14:10 > 0:14:12To what?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Wake up...to fascism!
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Simple, hate-fuelled solution.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Trump's response to the petition was that, he said...
0:14:25 > 0:14:28He also went on to thank the...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Well, case closed, Your Honour!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41He has supporters, we should say for balance, other than Katie Hopkins.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44According to the Telegraph, he's received support
0:14:44 > 0:14:45from Andrew Anglin,
0:14:45 > 0:14:49publisher of the neo-Nazi website Daily Stormer. He said...
0:14:54 > 0:14:55He sounds nice.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Surely the pressure from the media will affect Trump most.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Do you know what he said about that?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03He once said...
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Is that his own ass he's talking about?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I think he's talking about a sexual partner,
0:15:15 > 0:15:17but he may be talking about a nice cut of donkey meat.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Just for fun, to lighten the mood,
0:15:23 > 0:15:26shall we see some vegan butter that looks like Donald Trump?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Yes, please!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Here you go.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34APPLAUSE
0:15:34 > 0:15:38What's Trump's other brilliant idea for stopping the influence of Isis?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Building a wall around the Middle East.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42This is much more technological.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44According to the Independent, he's going to
0:15:44 > 0:15:45"turn off the internet,"
0:15:45 > 0:15:49because it's being used to radicalise people. He said...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54He said he would...
0:16:03 > 0:16:07To be honest, I would be 100% behind that.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12While Trump is concerned about the spread of Isis in the States,
0:16:12 > 0:16:15who's in trouble for promoting Isis-style violence in THIS country?
0:16:15 > 0:16:19- Tyson Fury.- Oh, yes, good answer. - No, not Tyson Fury.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24It's Bafta-winning CBBC cartoon OOglies.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- OOglies...?- That would have been your next answer, I know.- Yeah(!)
0:16:27 > 0:16:31I know this story, I read this. It's about a soldier in a boiled egg.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- Oh, yeah.- And the soldier has chopped the top of the egg off.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39And someone's complained that this is a fake beheading scene.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Let's take a look.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Waah!
0:16:45 > 0:16:46FIZZLING
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Huh?!
0:16:53 > 0:16:54BOOM!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Oh...ho!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Haww!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I'm beginning to sympathise!
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- I didn't realise we had a BOMB outrage first.- KIRSTY: I know...
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I think it should be banned(!)
0:17:12 > 0:17:16So who else has been the subject of a petition this week?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18The strangely named Tyson Fury,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21who believes that homosexuals are paedophiles,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24and that women are better to be in the kitchen.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27For a boxer, he's not strangely named, is he? He's named after...
0:17:27 > 0:17:31- His dad was a boxer....- ..that well-known wife-beater Mike Tyson.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Don't broadcast that, he might be watching.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38He was up for Sports Personality of the Year - was he ever going to
0:17:38 > 0:17:40win Sports Personality of the Year? That's the thing.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Over 100,000 people have signed a petition calling for the BBC
0:17:43 > 0:17:47to remove Tyson Fury from the Sports Personality of the Year shortlist.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49It's an unfortunate immediate reaction
0:17:49 > 0:17:51to everything you don't like - just ban it.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54You could argue against it or point out it's wrong or listen to it or...
0:17:54 > 0:17:57But no, just ban it.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Apart from the boiled egg, which I think SHOULD be banned.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Also, if he hadn't come out with all this rubbish,
0:18:05 > 0:18:09he did win the world heavyweight championship. He would have been
0:18:09 > 0:18:13- in that list. - You said "rubbish" though.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Other people say "patriarchal gypsy culture."
0:18:16 > 0:18:20I'm just testing your liberalism here, Andy.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26He is a boxer. I mean, he gets hit in the head for a living.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30I'm not sure that the intellectual expectation...
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Don't broadcast this, either.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35And what did he actually say, Fury?
0:18:35 > 0:18:39"Homosexuals and paedophiles, that needs to be sorted before the end of the world..."
0:18:39 > 0:18:41So he's put a kind of deadline on it.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46And he said, "Women belong in the kitchen or on their backs."
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- That makes cooking quite difficult, doesn't it?- It does, yeah.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Unless you've got one of those low-level ovens, I suppose.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- I mean, she'll have to be up for it, obviously.- Yeah.- Fury said...
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Quite a dark remark, isn't it?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Yeah - although he's quite positive about it. You know.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12There are only three, he says.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16I didn't realise that the devil LIVED here.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- He had a place in Luton, didn't he? - He's got a few places.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22How did Tyson defend his comments?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25He said, "I'm a Christian," didn't he?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- "I'm only saying what I've been taught."- Firstly, he denied
0:19:28 > 0:19:31making the comments at all, claiming that a Mail On Sunday journalist,
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Oliver Holt, had made them up, then when the recording of the interview
0:19:35 > 0:19:39was published online, Tyson claimed that they weren't actually his words
0:19:39 > 0:19:41but those from the Bible.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43He said...
0:19:49 > 0:19:53I believe the third of those assertions.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58And then he went with the classic defence...
0:20:01 > 0:20:05What did Tyson Fury say about fellow Sports Personality of the Year nominee Jessica Ennis-Hill?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Aren't we just giving publicity more to what he said?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Why not just ignore him, go on to the next question?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13APPLAUSE
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Might as well.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19This is Donald Trump's call to ban all Muslims from entering America.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21That's his view of immigrants.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Honestly. They COMB OVER here...
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Donald Trump is now insisting that Muslims should not be allowed
0:20:29 > 0:20:32to come in to the country and take the work of ordinary Americans
0:20:32 > 0:20:35who are perfectly capable of going on their own gun rampages.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39This week, an apparent terrorist attack on the London Underground
0:20:39 > 0:20:40gave rise to the hashtag...
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Perhaps not what the attacker wanted to hear.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Though, on the plus side, it would qualify him
0:20:47 > 0:20:49to get into Donald Trump's America.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- So, er... - APPLAUSE
0:20:56 > 0:21:00And so to round two - the one-armed bandit of news!
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Fingers on buzzers, teams, here's the first one.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09BUZZER
0:21:09 > 0:21:12The Mona Lisa, one of the most famous portraits ever painted.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Er, there's an expert and he thinks that, underneath, there's
0:21:15 > 0:21:18a painting of somebody else, er, selling kebabs in the, er,
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Hornsey High Road in 1452.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- They also found some numbers... - Yeah.- ..for colouring purposes.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30The thing is that people used to think that the Mona Lisa was
0:21:30 > 0:21:33a picture of someone called Lisa Gherardini,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36but now, they reckon the one underneath is of her,
0:21:36 > 0:21:38which means the one on top, the famous one,
0:21:38 > 0:21:41has to be of someone else, cos they're different people.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43- Let's have a look at the Lisa underneath the Mona.- OK.- Oh!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- You can see... - KIRSTY: The eyes are similar.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- ANDY: The perspective looks a bit out on that one.- Yeah.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51- Yes, she does. - Her head's a bit weird.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55I mean, far be it from me to criticise Leonardo da Vinci!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- No...- You know!- Hang on, that can't be under the Mona Lisa painting.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- KIRSTY: That's what they think. - Yeah.- Oh, an artist impression(?)
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- KIRSTY: Yeah, well, I don't... - I think that's...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08APPLAUSE
0:22:09 > 0:22:11According to the Sun...
0:22:11 > 0:22:12ANDY LAUGHS
0:22:12 > 0:22:17To be honest, I get all of my art analysis from the Sun.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27A French scientist Pascal Cotte found the secret woman.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29What else did Pascal find under the picture?
0:22:31 > 0:22:35These coloured stars, they're not Leonardo's, are they?
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Round the side.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40According to Mr Cotte, he also found...
0:22:45 > 0:22:47And a...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Who wants to see a Mona Lisa mask that you can buy your loved ones for Christmas?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Not for me.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03If you cut the hair off, it also works as a David Cameron mask.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09In other picture news, what was Adolf Hitler accidentally helping to sell this week?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Bowling alleys. - No, it's not bowling alleys.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Inadvertently selling, did you say?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17He's dead, so he can't really...
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- get involved.- So you think.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- I do.- Is it the Republican Party?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Either that or sharing a cheeseburger with Elvis somewhere!
0:23:24 > 0:23:28I don't mean to be rude about Elvis. Elvis would not like Hitler.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33They wouldn't get on.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35It's women's bras.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39As opposed to men's bras.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44Clothing firm Simply Be was forced to apologise after this appeared on their website.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53It takes a while to get round to him but he's there in the end.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Some of the men still haven't seen him yet.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05It's a real bargain, the Mein Kampf bra.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08For a fiver, that isn't bad at all.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11It's not shaped like a bra.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13It's got plenty of Lebensraum.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18They all seem very nice healthy girls.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Especially the one with the moustache.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32BUZZER
0:24:32 > 0:24:36- ANDY: Is that Taylor Swift?- It is! - Are these dressing room demands?
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Not heard this story?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40This is the news that science has shown that certain foods
0:24:40 > 0:24:43taste better with certain types of music.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Are these, er, "music foodologists"?
0:24:45 > 0:24:49This is Professor Charles Spence of the University of Oxford!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52- Oh, OK, all right! - He's back out, is he?- Yeah!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- Yes, he... - Hello, Charlie, you all right?
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Another new identity.- Yeah! - You know...
0:25:01 > 0:25:04He discovered that music can affect the enjoyment of food.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07And how did he conduct his research? Do you know?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- He ate a lot?- Yeah. - He gave people food
0:25:09 > 0:25:11while playing different bits of music to them.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- You could be a professor!- Yeah!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Based on Professor Spence's research, which type of food
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- do you think the following songs improved the taste of?- Ooh, OK.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23So let's start with Queen's We Will Rock You.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Fishcakes!
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Sorry, I didn't know I was going to say that.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35- It's like a genre. Think genres of food rather than...- Curries.- Yes.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Curries. Indian food. They found that listening to rock music...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You can tell this is scientific.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44They found that listening to rock music made curries 4% spicier.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Nina Simone's Feeling Good?
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Er, cannibalism.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- Um, sushi. - ALL: Sushi?!- Sushi.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57And, finally, Taylor Swift's Blank Space?
0:25:57 > 0:26:00ANDY: Whatever's on that plate. KIRSTY: Fajitas!
0:26:00 > 0:26:01ANDY: Whatever that is.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- Um, Chinese food. I think that's noodles.- Oh, OK.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Yeah, it gives you a better tasting Chinese
0:26:06 > 0:26:08and, when you spill a bit of soy sauce,
0:26:08 > 0:26:10you can just Shake It Off, Shake It Off.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12I've no idea what that means!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16May... May you enjoy it.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18The report recommends...
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Which actually I think I once ate in a Glasgow curry house.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28According to Professor Spence, Justin Bieber tracks...
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Along with drinking water, breathing air and any other means of sustaining life.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Finally, what unusual ingredient is being added to cocktails
0:26:40 > 0:26:44to make the most poignant and personal Christmas gift imaginable?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Oh, God.- Polonium.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- What is it?- It's tears.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- What?- A London-based cocktail bar is hosting...
0:27:00 > 0:27:04I hate myself for asking this, but why do you have to pasteurise
0:27:04 > 0:27:07- the tears? - You could have conjunctivitis.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10It's not as romantic, is it, when the tears are diseased?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16This is the news that certain types of music
0:27:16 > 0:27:18go with certain types of food. According to the research...
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Yes, but only because they're in a hurry to get out.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Fingers on buzzers, teams, here's the next one.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35BUZZER
0:27:35 > 0:27:37- Looks like Shakespeare. - ANDY: Shakespeare stole a theatre.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- Did he?!- Basically. That story...
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- Is that why he's got a bag of swag over his shoulder?- Yeah, he's...
0:27:42 > 0:27:46- Wearing a black-and-white striped shirt, like all burglars?- Yeah.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- Elizabethan burglars in particular. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Rough justice. Go on, then.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- ANDY: Um... - Thank you, Ian!
0:27:54 > 0:27:59Shakespeare and his mate Garrick, um, they fell out with the landlord...
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- Garrick?- The actor. - No, no, Garrick's a bit later.- Yeah.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- Who was it?- Keane?
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Kempe? Kempe the Clown? - Burbage.- Burbage, that was it!
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Yeah, not Garrick, Andy! For God's sake!
0:28:10 > 0:28:11- Ridiculous!- Burbage. Idiot!
0:28:11 > 0:28:15- You might as well say Tom Cruise! - Yeah!
0:28:15 > 0:28:18- Him and his mate Benedict Cumberbatch...- Yeah!
0:28:18 > 0:28:20KIRSTY: Posh boys! ANDY: Um, sorry...
0:28:20 > 0:28:24They fell out with the landlord and they decided to nick the theatre.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27They released the archive of the court records, is it?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Yes, according to 17th-century papers that have
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- just been released... - PAUL LAUGHS
0:28:33 > 0:28:36It's an enquiry by Sir John of Chilcot.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39APPLAUSE
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Yes, this is for a new exhibition on the bard.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47Shakespeare and a band of actors did...
0:29:05 > 0:29:07Very drastic way of transferring a play to the West End.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12Yeah, they took the theatre apart and moved it across the river
0:29:12 > 0:29:14to build a new theatre, the Globe.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18And what other salacious Shakespeare scandal was revealed last week
0:29:18 > 0:29:20thanks to the diary of a contemporary?
0:29:20 > 0:29:24Apparently, Shakespeare entertained groupies,
0:29:24 > 0:29:25although not necessarily his own.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29According to Elizabethan law student John Manningham, Shakespeare...
0:29:34 > 0:29:37The lady suggested he come to visit her and...
0:29:40 > 0:29:43When Burbage arrived later, Shakespeare was already there
0:29:43 > 0:29:46and had a servant bring down a note saying...
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Bet someone got the hump.
0:29:52 > 0:29:53AUDIENCE GROAN
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Thank you very much.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Talking of making things disappear, though,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00- do you want to see an orang-utan enjoying some close-up magic?- Yes!
0:30:20 > 0:30:22KIRSTY: I love that!
0:30:22 > 0:30:23DAVID LAUGHS
0:30:23 > 0:30:27This is an old court paper that suggests William Shakespeare
0:30:27 > 0:30:29was involved in the theft of a whole theatre.
0:30:29 > 0:30:32It was pretty easy to reassemble the Elizabethan theatre, which
0:30:32 > 0:30:36was much like an IKEA flat pack, with every piece carefully labelled.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38It even inspired Shakespeare's most famous line, as he looked
0:30:38 > 0:30:42round for the next piece of wood that would slot into section 2A.
0:30:42 > 0:30:45No! KIRSTY GROANS
0:30:45 > 0:30:47According to the Mail...
0:30:50 > 0:30:53The only excuse for it is that he didn't actually say the punchline.
0:30:53 > 0:30:54That's the only excuse for that gag.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58Some people are still doing the admin on it.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01Some people are still trying to find Hitler in those four pictures.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03According to the Mail...
0:31:08 > 0:31:12Though there were a number of suspicious offshore transactions to Prospero's Island.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15Time now for the odd one out round. Just one between you this week.
0:31:15 > 0:31:16Your four are...
0:31:16 > 0:31:22President Xi Jinping, wrestler Joey Ryan, Father Christmas,
0:31:22 > 0:31:24- and Ainsley Harriott. - RING!
0:31:24 > 0:31:27They've all bought sections of British industry.
0:31:27 > 0:31:29PAUL LAUGHS
0:31:29 > 0:31:30Except three of them(!)
0:31:32 > 0:31:35KIRSTY: They're all pretending to be people.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39So Ainsley Harriott, of course, was stupidly put in place of Lenny Henry.
0:31:39 > 0:31:43- Mm-hm.- Who by?- ITV! - By an ITV reporter.
0:31:43 > 0:31:44That's not the right answer.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- Being mistaken...- For the wrong person?- On ITV?
0:31:47 > 0:31:48They've done it three times.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51They thought Santa was the leader of the Labour Party.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55- OK.- It's about mistaken news reports. - The level of charity
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- you have to give us is more or less the answer.- OK.
0:31:58 > 0:32:03OK, they've all been the subject of mistakes in news reports this week.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06- Apart from?- Santa?- No.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10- The Chinese Prime Minister?- No. - The guy in the trunks?
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- He's the only one left!- Yes!- Yes!
0:32:12 > 0:32:14We got it! Well done!
0:32:14 > 0:32:16- APPLAUSE - There's only one left!
0:32:16 > 0:32:20I didn't think you'd get that, but well done, yes!
0:32:20 > 0:32:23They've all been the subject of mistakes in news reports this week,
0:32:23 > 0:32:26apart from wrestler Joey Ryan, who definitely did
0:32:26 > 0:32:28what the press reported he'd done.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37- OK, you haven't got film of that? - Sounds pretty unbelievable.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40- We do have film of it.- Oh, yes!
0:32:40 > 0:32:44- Ooh!- A long night out there.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Let's have a look.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16That's the best production of King Lear I've ever seen.
0:33:18 > 0:33:23Too late to put him in for Sports Personality of the Year?
0:33:23 > 0:33:27The resignation of Chinese president Xi Jinping was mistakenly reported
0:33:27 > 0:33:28due to a typo this week.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31The Chinese language is notoriously hard to navigate.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34For instance, whenever George Osborne should be saying,
0:33:34 > 0:33:35"Your human rights record stinks,"
0:33:35 > 0:33:38it comes out as, "Would you like to buy our country?"
0:33:42 > 0:33:45ITV News were forced to apologise after using footage of TV chef
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Ainsley Harriott in a news report about Lenny Henry
0:33:48 > 0:33:50receiving his knighthood.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54Easy to make a mistake like that when you're not paying any attention.
0:33:54 > 0:33:58So Lenny Henry's investiture by the Queen at Windsor went without
0:33:58 > 0:34:01a hitch, apart from one moment when they could just hear the muffled
0:34:01 > 0:34:05sound of Prince Philip shouting, "Why have you locked me in this cupboard?"
0:34:07 > 0:34:10Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten apologised this week
0:34:10 > 0:34:14for accidentally announcing the death of Father Christmas.
0:34:15 > 0:34:17They blamed the blunder on...
0:34:26 > 0:34:29Well, Santa will be furious.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31There'll be no presents for them this year.
0:34:31 > 0:34:34It's like the little boy who writes to Santa and he says,
0:34:34 > 0:34:37"We had a burglary last week and our presents were taken away
0:34:37 > 0:34:40"and I just wonder, Santa, if you could send us £15
0:34:40 > 0:34:43"we'd be able to buy something." And the boys at the Post Office
0:34:43 > 0:34:46see this letter addressed to Santa and they have a bit of a whip round,
0:34:46 > 0:34:49and get about £12 and bung it in the envelope and send it back.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51A week later, they get a little note from the boy saying
0:34:51 > 0:34:54"Dear Santa, thank you so much for sending the £12.
0:34:54 > 0:34:58"I did ask for 15 but I expect those bastards at the Post Office nicked the rest of it."
0:34:59 > 0:35:02There was another Christmas-related error this week.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05This is a homeowner who decorated their house with fake snow
0:35:05 > 0:35:08on their upstairs window to read "Let it snow."
0:35:08 > 0:35:10Unfortunately, when viewed from the front it reads simply
0:35:10 > 0:35:12"Tits now."
0:35:20 > 0:35:23Punctuation is so important!
0:35:25 > 0:35:28And finally, the BBC also had to make an apology this week
0:35:28 > 0:35:31due to a problem during Match of the Day. Anyone hear about this?
0:35:31 > 0:35:33They put football on?
0:35:33 > 0:35:36I'll tell you what happened. They had to apologise
0:35:36 > 0:35:38to former Aston Villa chairman Sir Doug Ellis
0:35:38 > 0:35:43after a subtitler mistakenly linked him with an Islamist militant group.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47When Ellis was spotted in the crowd at Goodison Park,
0:35:47 > 0:35:49the Match of the Day commentator said...
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Somehow these words were misinterpreted by the subtitler to read...
0:36:02 > 0:36:06Time now for the missing words round, which this week features
0:36:06 > 0:36:08as its guest publication British Kebab,
0:36:08 > 0:36:11the magazine of the British kebab industry.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13You're never quite sure what's in it.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16And we start with...
0:36:20 > 0:36:22Mr Pissup.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24- It's got to be.- Mr Keg.
0:36:24 > 0:36:28It's actually Mr Bud Weisser.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32A man named Bud Weisser...
0:36:32 > 0:36:35And his friend Mr Carl Sberg.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39This happened at the Budweiser brewery in Missouri.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42Appropriately, Bud Weisser is now behind bars.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Next.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Istanbul.
0:36:51 > 0:36:52Was this a big scandal story,
0:36:52 > 0:36:56was it the winner of best kebab outside of London
0:36:56 > 0:36:58was actually inside London?
0:36:58 > 0:37:01The answer is the winner of best kebab outside London was...
0:37:06 > 0:37:09At the same ceremony, Ali Dirik, winner of the prestigious
0:37:09 > 0:37:11chef of the year award, gave a moving acceptance speech
0:37:11 > 0:37:13which went as follows.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20APPLAUSE
0:37:20 > 0:37:23Careful. As a kebab chef, you should know
0:37:23 > 0:37:25what goes around comes around.
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Next...
0:37:31 > 0:37:34"Are your goldfish sabotaging your country?" says Donald Trump.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38- Sabotaging your sex life. - Yes. Sex life.
0:37:38 > 0:37:40- Yes?- No.- That's good.
0:37:40 > 0:37:45A bit revealing, though, Kirsty weighed in quite so fast.
0:37:45 > 0:37:46What's going on in that house?
0:37:46 > 0:37:49Something you want to unburden yourself with?
0:37:49 > 0:37:52Come on, Kirsty, answer the question!
0:37:52 > 0:37:54The answer is...
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Next...
0:37:58 > 0:37:59The kebab.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01- Correct!- Oh, no!
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Really?
0:38:03 > 0:38:05This is from British Kebab,
0:38:05 > 0:38:09and let's face it, Boris knows all about making rash decisions
0:38:09 > 0:38:12late at night that you'll regret in the morning.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Next...
0:38:17 > 0:38:19- It's her arm.- It is!
0:38:19 > 0:38:22It's a sacrifice she made early on in the fashion industry
0:38:22 > 0:38:25because you look better if you just do this.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31I have done a certain amount of modelling.
0:38:31 > 0:38:34It's actually the riddle of Posh's missing right arm.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36There she is.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42That's going to be a bit sultry if you go out at nine o'clock, Ian,
0:38:42 > 0:38:45- if you keep doing that.- Oh, right, I won't smile then.
0:38:48 > 0:38:51There is a simple explanation for all these pictures.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54She's hiding a pie.
0:38:54 > 0:38:55Next...
0:39:01 > 0:39:04All contenders for Sports Personality of the Year.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07This year's must-have action figures.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11I'll give you a clue - it's a kebab one.
0:39:11 > 0:39:16- Oh.- Are frequent visitors to the kebab restaurant in Highbury.
0:39:16 > 0:39:18- You are so close, Paul. - It's Archway.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27This is from British Kebab.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29The cast of Eastenders are regulars at the kebab shop,
0:39:29 > 0:39:32though they all say the same thing when they're offered salad.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34"Leave it out!"
0:39:34 > 0:39:35And finally...
0:39:41 > 0:39:42Pee upside down?
0:39:42 > 0:39:45- Pee...- Pee.- You're right about pee.
0:39:45 > 0:39:48Pee before he goes and then wait for a couple of months.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51Pee into his costume, his suit.
0:39:51 > 0:39:52Costume?!
0:39:54 > 0:39:56The answer is...
0:40:00 > 0:40:03British astronaut Tim Peake heads to the International Space Station
0:40:03 > 0:40:05next week. Before he goes he will do this ritual.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07According to the Guardian...
0:40:10 > 0:40:13Although to be fair he himself was just following a tradition
0:40:13 > 0:40:15set by Laika, the Soviet space dog.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22So the final scores are Paul and Andy have five points,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Ian and Kirsty have six points.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27APPLAUSE
0:40:30 > 0:40:33Before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37Oh, my God. My varicose veins are killing me!
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Never mind, think of a caption.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49On which note, we say thank you to our panellists,
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Ian Hislop and Kirsty Wark, Paul Merton and Andy Hamilton,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54And I'll leave you with news that in Carlisle there are signs
0:40:54 > 0:40:57that life is finally returning to normal after one cheery resident
0:40:57 > 0:41:00pops out to do some Christmas shopping on the high street.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06In Zurich, investigators into the FIFA corruption scandal
0:41:06 > 0:41:10fear Sepp Blatter may have evaded the authorities after making use
0:41:10 > 0:41:11of an ingenious decoy.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18And Nigel Farage proves he's still a force to be reckoned with
0:41:18 > 0:41:22after once again being the last man standing at the Ukip Christmas party.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27Good night.