0:00:38 > 0:00:41Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I'm David Tennant. In the news this week,
0:00:44 > 0:00:46there's concern on the beach in Newquay
0:00:46 > 0:00:49as David Blunkett goes missing on a surfing holiday.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57At Westminster, Labour MP Ben Bradshaw
0:00:57 > 0:00:59explains the drawbacks of having an office
0:00:59 > 0:01:01directly below the Scottish Nationalists.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Well, twice, I've had urine pouring through from the upstairs gents
0:01:05 > 0:01:07through my office ceiling into my office.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10And, at Stafford Prison,
0:01:10 > 0:01:12after his wobbleboard is confiscated,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Rolf Harris is unhappy with the replacement.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25On Ian's team tonight is a ceramic artist
0:01:25 > 0:01:28who's also on record as being a supporter of the Labour Party.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Well, at three quid a pop, who isn't these days?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Please welcome Grayson Perry.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35APPLAUSE
0:01:39 > 0:01:43And with Paul is a comedian and host of BBC Two's search
0:01:43 > 0:01:47for the country's best salon stylist in a show called Hair.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Filming was chaotic, as nobody did anything
0:01:49 > 0:01:51until the director shouted "Cut!"
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Please welcome Katherine Ryan.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55APPLAUSE
0:01:58 > 0:02:00So we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Ian and Grayson, take a look at this.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's tax credits.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Oh, look, it's the Grayson Perry Lookalike Competition.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I think these guys gave it to George Osborne
0:02:10 > 0:02:11with a statutory instrument.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15The House Of Lords threw out the Tax Credits Bill.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19It's a triumph for the forces of non-democracy.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24The right result, but a slightly strange set of means.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Indeed - it's the government's historic defeat
0:02:26 > 0:02:30in the House of Lords over George Osborne's tax credit cuts.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31It's a case of, like,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33the wrong people doing the right thing, isn't it?
0:02:33 > 0:02:38Like, if white supremacists had a bake sale for breast cancer.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39You'd be like, "Well, OK..."
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Who was particularly red in the face about it?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Cameron, presumably?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46I'm trying to think who was red in the face, apart from George Osborne,
0:02:46 > 0:02:48but he doesn't, cos he hasn't got any blood.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Uh...
0:02:51 > 0:02:54APPLAUSE
0:02:54 > 0:02:57How was George reacting on the night of the defeat?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- What did he have to say for himself? - I think it was shock.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02The House Of Lords is traditionally there to vote down bills
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- put forward by the Labour Party. - Yes.- And...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10They suddenly got the wrong end of the stick
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and threw out a Tory bill, so everyone's very cross.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14And the Tories, you know, they're going to...
0:03:14 > 0:03:18They're going to team up with Corbyn and abolish the House of Commons.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Uh, Lords!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I can't remember which it is, now.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25It's that sort of acute political analysis
0:03:25 > 0:03:28that has made your name on this programme.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33On the night, though, George did seem to get stuck
0:03:33 > 0:03:35in a bit of a loop - have a look at this.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Tonight, unelected Labour and Liberal lords
0:03:39 > 0:03:41have defeated a financial matter
0:03:41 > 0:03:44passed by the elected House of Commons,
0:03:44 > 0:03:46and David Cameron and I are clear
0:03:46 > 0:03:50that this raises constitutional issues that need to be dealt with.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Will you take action against them, to punish them?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Well, let's be clear, unelected Labour and Liberal lords
0:03:57 > 0:04:00have voted down a matter passed by the elected House of Commons.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02That raises constitutional issues
0:04:02 > 0:04:06and David Cameron and I are clear they will need to be dealt with.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Chancellor, you also said this was your judgment
0:04:08 > 0:04:12and it turned out to be wrong - that's damaging for you, isn't it?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Well, let's be clear - Labour and Liberal lords who are not elected
0:04:15 > 0:04:19have voted against measures in a Conservative budget
0:04:19 > 0:04:21and that raises constitutional issues.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26There's a switch on his back.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Oh, if only...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31How did he vary it, the next day,
0:04:31 > 0:04:35when he had to defend what happened in the Commons? What did he say?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- Did he sing it?- He said ...
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Sorry, it's my mistake. It's exactly the same thing.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Now, Osborne wasn't the only one stuck on repeat.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52His Cabinet colleagues spent a lot of the week saying
0:04:52 > 0:04:53he was in...
0:04:56 > 0:04:58I wonder if that's as creepy as all his other modes.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- So, has this damaged George, do you think?- Yes.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Fatally?
0:05:05 > 0:05:06One can only hope.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11APPLAUSE
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Yeah, the people who proposed
0:05:13 > 0:05:15the most important motions against the cuts
0:05:15 > 0:05:18were Baroness Meacher, Baroness Manzoor
0:05:18 > 0:05:19and Baroness Hollis -
0:05:19 > 0:05:21or, as the Daily Mail call them...
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Which one was it took the nuclear option?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35It was Baroness Manzoor who tried to pass the fatal motion.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Fatal motion - which is what did for Elvis, I think.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45It does serve them right for creating all those peers.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48There didn't used to be that many and now there are 800 of them.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Yeah, to be fair, half of them get burned down during the summer.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Can't stop that. Can't stop that happening.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00You'd think that, given so many peerages,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02the Tories would have a majority
0:06:02 > 0:06:03at the House of Lords by now, but they don't.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06There have been veiled threats that Cameron would flood
0:06:06 > 0:06:07the House of Lords with 100 new lords.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10If you were Cameron, who would you choose to parachute in there?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Jeremy Clarkson, that's who they should put in.- Oh.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16That'd get rid of him off the telly, wouldn't it?
0:06:17 > 0:06:21- AS JEREMY CLARKSON: - 0-800 in 300 years.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28He'd have a denim robe, though, wouldn't he?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33And following the votes, there was an interesting discussion
0:06:33 > 0:06:35between Baroness Meacher and Michael Ellis MP.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37It's worth seeing if she was convinced
0:06:37 > 0:06:40by anything that Michael Ellis had to say - let's have a look.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44..the House of Commons holds sway over financial matters
0:06:44 > 0:06:47is a crucial one to the functioning of our constitution.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Otherwise, we have self-appointed people in the House of Lords.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54They have had that temptation placed in their path
0:06:54 > 0:06:57on dozens of occasions over the last century.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00They resisted that for 100 years - tonight, they haven't.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It's wonderful that they've got her down there,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08translating for the hearing impaired.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12In a bid to make sure this never happens again, of course,
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Lord Strathclyde has announced he's going to do a rapid review
0:07:16 > 0:07:18into curbing the House of Lords' powers.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I'll give you a bonus point if any of you can give me
0:07:21 > 0:07:24the real name of Lord Strathclyde.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Bunty?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- Is it one of those bonkers, long names?- Yes - he's called...
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Another man of the people.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44He has also got product placement in the middle of his name.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51You just can't trust the Tories.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Does he change his name in wet weather?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Several of the papers identified one clear super-villain in all this.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Who was that?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- Well, apart from the obvious one? - Who's the obvious one?
0:08:08 > 0:08:09LAUGHTER
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Andrew Lloyd Webber.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Yes, mega-rich musical gargoyle, Andrew Lloyd Webber.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20APPLAUSE
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Musical gargoyle!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25He flew in from New York to vote for the tax credits cuts.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28It was his first vote in over two years.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30He's previously voted just 30 times
0:08:30 > 0:08:33out of a possible 1,898
0:08:33 > 0:08:38in 14 years. But he did deny he had flown back specifically
0:08:38 > 0:08:42for the vote. Does anyone know why he says he was in town?
0:08:42 > 0:08:46He was here for an opening of one of his productions somewhere.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48A new musical called Cuts.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52APPLAUSE
0:08:55 > 0:08:58He did say he was in town to watch the revival of Cats, the musical.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Surely he's seen that already?
0:09:01 > 0:09:02Or maybe he's just got a bad
0:09:02 > 0:09:05# Memory... #
0:09:10 > 0:09:13What Christmas treat will millions of families
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- now be missing out on? - Their very own cut.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19They were looking forward to it.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Christmas Day, open up the presents, nothing there.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24All your money gone.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28A festive letter from George telling them
0:09:28 > 0:09:30what money they were going to lose with the cuts.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Nothing says Christmas quite like a letter from gorgeous George
0:09:33 > 0:09:36letting you know you're £1,300 worse off.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38He's like Ebenezer Osborne.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- He's a last-minute change of mind. - With tiny Tim Farron.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER
0:09:45 > 0:09:48The Lib Dem genius.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52With all the damage done to George Osborne's reputation,
0:09:52 > 0:09:55it's a good job Boris Johnson didn't steal some of the limelight
0:09:55 > 0:09:57with one of his ridiculous photo opportunities.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02LAUGHTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:25 > 0:10:26At Prime Minister's Questions, then,
0:10:26 > 0:10:29what was the big question of the week for David Cameron?
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Will the bill make people suffer, basically.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36And it was said by someone called Karen, I think, or something.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40- Yes.- They're always said by somebody, aren't they, his questions?
0:10:40 > 0:10:45He's like a sort of ventriloquist dummy. "Are we going to suffer?"
0:10:45 > 0:10:48AWKWARD LAUGHTER
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- "From this terrible bill?" - I can see an act.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58And how many times did Jeremy feel the need to ask this question?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Six.- Hm.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03So, he must have got a straight answer one of those times, right?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- No.- Ah.- The Prime Minister didn't have a reply.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Well, you'd think that's the big question
0:11:08 > 0:11:11at Prime Minister's Question time but, of course, it wasn't.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15It was from the MP Stephen Metcalfe who asked...
0:11:23 > 0:11:28What was the other big story about tax from the Commons this week?
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Tampon tax.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32SHE SIGHS
0:11:32 > 0:11:33LAUGHTER
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Tell us about that, Katherine.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Well, there's a 5% tax on sanitary products
0:11:38 > 0:11:41because they are considered to be luxury items.
0:11:41 > 0:11:46Now, while that does not affect me, obviously, I do not use tampons.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I'm a single mother, not a king.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51LAUGHTER
0:11:53 > 0:11:58It's ridiculous. You are taking food out of your children's mouths
0:11:58 > 0:12:01to pay for tampons. You are, literally, better off taking the food
0:12:01 > 0:12:03out of their mouths and using that.
0:12:05 > 0:12:10I've been using carrier bags, David. I'm better off financially.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13I thumbed two of those up there before I came on the show.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:20 > 0:12:23It's insane that this should be taxed.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26This is just dehumanising to call it a luxury item.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31There are no jokes. People say period jokes for women.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34There are not a lot of period jokes for the same reason
0:12:34 > 0:12:36that there are not a lot of leukaemia jokes. It's too sad!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- We've got a lot of period jokes coming up.- No!
0:12:39 > 0:12:45We really do. Yes, it is the tampon tax. The VAT on tampons has been
0:12:45 > 0:12:48maintained because, as Katherine said,
0:12:48 > 0:12:51it's considered a luxury item, unlike Jaffa Cakes,
0:12:51 > 0:12:55which are exempt from VAT because they are an essential.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- There's your answer.- Yep.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13- Shall we play a game of Luxury Buys Or Basic Supplies?- Yes!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Fingers on buzzers, team.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19A luxury buy or basic supply - a live kangaroo.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Well, it depends who's buying, isn't it?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- It's got to be a luxury... - For whom is it is an essential?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Well, for another kangaroo.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32- What are you going for? - Basic supply.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35It's a luxury buy. Are you insane? Of course it is.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Luxury buy or basic supply - honeybees.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Bees? Or honey from bees? - No, honeybees.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- You're actually buying them? - Yeah.- I think that's a basic supply.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I think it's a luxury. Leave them alone. Eat the honey.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- I'm not trying bees.- What are you going for?- Plants need them.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54I'm going to take your first answer.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- Are they basic? - It is a basic supply. Quite right.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Luxury buy or basic supply - bumblebees.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05Obviously, they're a luxury because they've got fur.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06That's it!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It's a bit like Versace, isn't it?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11APPLAUSE
0:14:11 > 0:14:16Yes, this is the shock news that the House of Lords does, in fact,
0:14:16 > 0:14:18serve a useful purpose.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20LAUGHTER
0:14:20 > 0:14:22As a result of the Lords' rebellion,
0:14:22 > 0:14:25the Chancellor has been forced to rewrite his Autumn Statement,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28which now reads, "Damn, shit and bollocks!"
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Meanwhile, the Treasury survived a rebellion over the so-called...
0:14:34 > 0:14:35A relief for George Osborne,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38who is going through a tricky period at the moment.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46- Paul and Katherine, take a look at this.- Yep.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Oh, bad news. Killer on the plate.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Yes, this is the bad news that...
0:14:52 > 0:14:57- What the what?!- ..eating too many sausages could lead to you exploding
0:14:57 > 0:15:00like an atom bomb.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Eating sausages is as dangerous as nuclear war.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Or is it plutonium?- Strictly speaking, it's plutonium, yes.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Plutonium?!- It's a banned substance now, the sausage.- Oh!
0:15:09 > 0:15:12It is not quite as dangerous as eating plutonium, is it?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- No.- Unless Putin is serving.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I think MI5 will be assassinating people
0:15:17 > 0:15:19by giving them sausages and bacon.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22KATHERINE: Meat cancer has been all over the news. Yes.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24And bacon is the worst offender.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26So, it is a good day for Jews and Muslims.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Yes, processed meat is now in the top class
0:15:34 > 0:15:37of five World Health Organization classifications
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- for carcinogenic substances harmful to humans.- Right.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43To put things in perspective, eating processed meat increases
0:15:43 > 0:15:48the risk of cancer by 18%. I think plutonium is a little higher.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Will you have to change your diet,
0:15:51 > 0:15:53now that this news has been leaked to you?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Do you know, I think I will just risk it.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Risk it for a brisket.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08In fact, the World Health Organization has tested over 940
0:16:08 > 0:16:12substances and only one has been found not to cause cancer.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- Any idea what it was?- Plutonium.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20It is...
0:16:26 > 0:16:30The Guardian went looking for individual reactions to the news.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32What did John and Bobbie the butchers have to say?
0:16:32 > 0:16:34"You've got to die of something, ain't you?"
0:16:37 > 0:16:39"Here we are, love."
0:16:40 > 0:16:42They said...
0:16:47 > 0:16:48The report went on...
0:16:59 > 0:17:02The Daily Star interviewed a very unusual group of people,
0:17:02 > 0:17:03which included....
0:17:10 > 0:17:13He obviously did not have a problem with sausages.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Who, or what, might save us?
0:17:17 > 0:17:18Vegetarianism.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Tomatoes. They're genetically modifying tomatoes to kill cancer.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Is that right? - Absolutely right, yes.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29According to scientists at the John Innes Centre in Norwich...
0:17:37 > 0:17:41You'll be as healthy as an alcoholic if you eat these tomatoes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44There are foods that are medicine and there are foods that are poison
0:17:44 > 0:17:45and there is nothing in between.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48But, right now, our poison to medicine scale is off the charts.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52We're just ingesting bacon and food that's not food. And bread.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Don't get me started on bread, David.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56You believe it's the devil, right?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I have never eaten bread. Even when I was a child.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01It looks like eating a napkin. That's not food.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I mean, historically, it is food.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I mean, all those ducks can't be wrong.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08It's bad for ducks too.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10It's quack cocaine.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13APPLAUSE
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Which other harmful foodstuff is the government being urged to deal with?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Sugar.- Sugar, yes.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24A tax on sugar would cut down on obesity, apparently.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27But why won't David Cameron have anything to do with a sugar tax?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Do the people who make sugar
0:18:29 > 0:18:31contribute to the Conservative Party in any way?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33That is an appalling suggestion.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- Lord Sugar.- Yes.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44The actual response from the Government
0:18:44 > 0:18:47is that if you put on a sugar tax, unbelievably,
0:18:47 > 0:18:52it will affect mostly the poorer people in the country.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55So, much better just to take their credits away.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59And then they won't buy fizzy drinks and sugar.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03- So, they are caring. In their own way.- Yeah.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05There was a man on the radio, it was really funny,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07and he was opposing the sugar tax.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09He rang in, and he said "The sugar tax is not going to work!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11"Look at the carrier bag tax.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14"That didn't work on me, I just brought my own bags."
0:19:14 > 0:19:16LAUGHTER
0:19:19 > 0:19:23According to the Times...
0:19:23 > 0:19:28- He doesn't want to be SEEN to be doing it.- He draws the blinds.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36What kind of damage is sugar doing to people's lives in Somerset?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I think they have really good lives in Somerset.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Well, they did until this happened.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45They're being attacked by sugar addicted ponies.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER
0:19:48 > 0:19:51They've been dreading this day for decades.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Have they got organised?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57According to the Daily Telegraph...
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- Want to see how terrifying the horse problem has become?- Yeah!
0:20:14 > 0:20:17LAUGHTER
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Oh, my God! We can't live in a country like this!
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Calls for sugar tax have intensified this week.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Sugar is causing problems in Somerset,
0:20:26 > 0:20:28where wild ponies are confronting tourists
0:20:28 > 0:20:31in an aggressive pursuit of sugary confections.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34According to the Mail...
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Even worse, when the three other horses erected a screen around her
0:20:40 > 0:20:42and loaded a bolt gun.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52According to the Daily Star, scientists also claim that...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56You know you've got a serious problem
0:20:56 > 0:20:59when you're desperately trying to find an unused vein in your Stilton.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06On we go to round two, the Jigsaw of News.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Fingers on buzzers. Buzz when you know what this is.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15GRAYSON: It's Germaine... Oops. BUZZER
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- Grayson.- Germaine Greer. She's got into a lot of trouble.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21She's not allowed to speak at some university
0:21:21 > 0:21:26- because of her views on the trans-community.- That's correct.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27Germaine Greer has cancelled
0:21:27 > 0:21:30a planned appearance at Cardiff University after she was accused
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- of having misogynist views towards transgender women.- Yes.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38She said, "Transgender women can't be women,"
0:21:38 > 0:21:39and she told Newsnight...
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Makes you slightly less of a man.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47LAUGHTER
0:21:49 > 0:21:50But not a woman.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52APPLAUSE
0:21:53 > 0:21:56How's she gone about defending herself? Does anyone know?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- She was interviewed on Newsnight, I think.- She said...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07And she used rather an interesting analogy to prove her point.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- Anyone know what that was?- Yes.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14She said, "If I put on a brown coat and I grew my ears longer,
0:22:14 > 0:22:17"it wouldn't make me a cocker spaniel." Or something like that.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- It's terrifyingly correct.- Is it?
0:22:19 > 0:22:20LAUGHTER
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Pity she couldn't have chosen some other dog.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:30 > 0:22:35What did transgender actor Rebecca Root call Greer in response
0:22:35 > 0:22:37to her comments?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Misogynistic? Er, a...
0:22:41 > 0:22:44A glorified pantomime dame, or something like that?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- A pantomime baddie!- Yes, that's it! She called her ...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53It's all getting a bit ugly, sisters.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55SMATTERING OF LAUGHTER
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Come on.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57LAUGHTER
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Germaine Greer, a feminist,
0:22:59 > 0:23:03who acknowledges the struggle of women throughout the years,
0:23:03 > 0:23:07just cos she hasn't experienced the struggle of a transgender person
0:23:07 > 0:23:11leading up to today, she shouldn't discount it.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I think it's quite mean, what she said. Awful, in fact.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17But shouldn't she be allowed to say something awful?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20You should be allowed to say whatever awful things you like.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21In a university context,
0:23:21 > 0:23:25isn't freedom of speech sort of what universities are for?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28You don't disagree with people, you just shut them up?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30- That's not really a good idea, is it?- No.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34A no-platform situation is not the best one.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I think the students are entitled to not turn up.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40I wouldn't turn up if Bill Cosby came to speak at my school.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45And I want to learn about comedy, but I'm not going.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Is he likely to be invited?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50We're both banned from my school at this point.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53LAUGHTER
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Yes, this is Germaine Greer's latest cock up
0:23:55 > 0:23:57that has given the transgender community the willies,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00which, frankly, is the last thing they want.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04Fingers on buzzers, teams, here's another one for you.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Buzz when you know what this is.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10BELL
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Yes, Ian and Grayson?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15This is... Apparently, a 15-year-old from Northern Ireland
0:24:15 > 0:24:18is meant to have hacked into TalkTalk's computer
0:24:18 > 0:24:23and got all people's personal details and put them on the web.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Exactly. Four million customers of
0:24:25 > 0:24:28the broadband and phone provider TalkTalk.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Their details were allegedly stolen by a teenage boy.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33We're not allowed to reveal HIS name.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35He's yet to be convicted of a crime and he is a minor.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Fortunately, the Sun don't care about that
0:24:38 > 0:24:42- and they've named him as "5ft tall- BLEEP BLEEP".
0:24:42 > 0:24:46With a name like that, he shouldn't be hard to trace.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Just go round all the schools, and when the register's called,
0:24:49 > 0:24:52wait till you hear that noise and you've got him.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54I feel sorry for the IT guy. He'll be like,
0:24:54 > 0:24:57"It must have been China or some North Koreans
0:24:57 > 0:25:00"got through my firewall." "No, it was a child." "Oh..."
0:25:00 > 0:25:03The Daily Mail said he had a single mum.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Oh, well, he's definitely guilty, then.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08On behalf of all single mums, I'm just glad that our bastard children
0:25:08 > 0:25:11are finally participating in white-collar crime.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Who says there's no aspiration in the world any more?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I know! It's felt like you have to worry about your son,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23knock on this door, "You better be wanking in there
0:25:23 > 0:25:25"and not bringing down a corporation."
0:25:27 > 0:25:30The two activities aren't mutually exclusive...
0:25:35 > 0:25:39And how quick were TalkTalk to respond to their security breach?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42They didn't tell anybody, did they, for about a week,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44- something like that.- I think 24 hours after they knew.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47But, to be fair, they were experiencing
0:25:47 > 0:25:49a very high volume of calls at that time.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52This is the so-called...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56..who allegedly carried out a damaging cyber attack on TalkTalk.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00The hooded teenager was arrested by the police and, when questioned,
0:26:00 > 0:26:03replied, "Yeah, whatever. You're not my dad. Boring."
0:26:05 > 0:26:08TalkTalk boss Dido Harding said they will handle compensations claims
0:26:08 > 0:26:11for their four million users on...
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Bad news for loyal customer Zachariah Zimmerman.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24The 15-year-old boy who was arrested is described as...
0:26:27 > 0:26:29It makes you proud to be British.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31In America, he'd have gunned down half his school by now.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41We've got to feel good about ourselves where we can, haven't we?
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- Yeah, exactly. Count our blessings.- Absolutely.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46There was a woman in America just the other day
0:26:46 > 0:26:49who was just shot by her dog. Her dog!
0:26:49 > 0:26:53He was a chocolate lab, so the police were already all over it, but ...
0:26:53 > 0:26:55LAUGHTER
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Fingers on buzzers, teams. Here's another one for you.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03Who is it?
0:27:03 > 0:27:05BUZZER
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Yes! That's Paul and Katherine.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I refuse to recognise or remember who this man is.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14It's Tony Blair! He's sort of partially apologised but not really.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18- I think this an attempt to sort of get in before the verdict.- Yes.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21We do now know that the Chilcot Report is expected to be published
0:27:21 > 0:27:23June or July next year.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Six years we've been waiting. Six years.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Longer than the entire Second World War,
0:27:27 > 0:27:31to come up with the one sentence we want - "Guilty".
0:27:31 > 0:27:34What did he specifically apologise for?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37He said he was sorry that the intelligence
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- turned out not to be accurate.- Yes.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Speaking in an interview with American broadcaster CNN, he said...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50That's not really fair, given that he manipulated the evidence
0:27:50 > 0:27:52to make sure it wasn't accurate.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54So he didn't really apologise.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57What has former weapons inspector Hans Blix said about this
0:27:57 > 0:27:59this week? Anyone hear this?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02He accused Blair of misrepresenting intelligence
0:28:02 > 0:28:05about Iraq's WMD programme, as you say.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08When asked whether Blair had lied, he said...
0:28:23 > 0:28:25So, away from war and terrorism,
0:28:25 > 0:28:28- and onto salacious relationship gossip.- Lovely.
0:28:28 > 0:28:33Who has Blair's ex-pal Rupert Murdoch been enjoying
0:28:33 > 0:28:35- the company of recently? - BUZZER
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Well, according to Private Eye, it's Jerry Hall.
0:28:38 > 0:28:42- Is this correct? - We got it from the Sunday Times.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44LAUGHTER
0:28:46 > 0:28:47It was in the Sunday Times?
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Yeah, I read the story and I thought, "Is that true?"
0:28:50 > 0:28:54I mean, honestly. Talk about out of your league...Jerry.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Well, according to the Daily Mail...
0:29:07 > 0:29:08..it says here.
0:29:08 > 0:29:10But according to friends...
0:29:15 > 0:29:16No, no ...
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Ugh.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20LAUGHTER
0:29:20 > 0:29:23A lot of you have got a picture in your head, haven't you?
0:29:25 > 0:29:28So, to Labour leaders and international relations,
0:29:28 > 0:29:31what did Jeremy Corbyn say about having dinner
0:29:31 > 0:29:32with the Chinese President?
0:29:32 > 0:29:34BELL
0:29:34 > 0:29:38- Yes, Ian?- He said it was incredibly boring.- He did. He said...
0:29:45 > 0:29:48This comes from the man who photographs drain covers,
0:29:48 > 0:29:50so that really was an insult.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53What startling revelations did the Sun uncover
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- about Jeremy Corbyn this week? - What are the stunning revelations?
0:29:56 > 0:30:00Well, the Sun tracked down Jeremy Corbyn's wife's niece,
0:30:00 > 0:30:04who lived with him until recently, who disclosed that he enjoys...
0:30:12 > 0:30:14What a bastard.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25And finally, another international statesman revealed
0:30:25 > 0:30:28something this week. Who and what was that?
0:30:28 > 0:30:32I think "international statesman" is pushing it, but...
0:30:32 > 0:30:35- It's not Sepp Blatter? - It's Sepp Blatter.- Ah!- GRAYSON: Yes.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39He shocked us all - not - by saying that choosing Russia
0:30:39 > 0:30:42to host the World Cup was a forgone conclusion
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- before the actual vote.- Hmm.
0:30:45 > 0:30:47So it was rigged?
0:30:47 > 0:30:49- Yes, I know. Shocking, isn't it? - It is.
0:30:49 > 0:30:54The Russians will be furious to find out they didn't win it legitimately.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Putin will be angry as hell.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02Yes, this is the news that Tony Blair had sort of said
0:31:02 > 0:31:06sorry for Iraq. During the interview, Tony Blair added...
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Mr Blair, no-one is doubting your ability
0:31:13 > 0:31:16to deceive people on a massive scale.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Also this week, Sepp Blatter revealed
0:31:22 > 0:31:26that even before voting began, it had already been decided
0:31:26 > 0:31:28that Russian would host the 2018 World Cup,
0:31:28 > 0:31:32but he denied this was doing Russia any favours as they would lose
0:31:32 > 0:31:34in the final, 3-2, to Germany.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38After the English bid to host the 2018 World Cup finals
0:31:38 > 0:31:42received only one vote, Sepp Blatter declared that...
0:31:43 > 0:31:45- No, we're not...- Really, Sepp... - Sorry.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48- We're brilliant at it.- Yeah!
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- That's what - that's the same joke. - Oh, is it? Sorry!
0:31:51 > 0:31:53It's good, though.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55APPLAUSE
0:31:57 > 0:31:58We'll go back -
0:31:58 > 0:32:02we'll do it again, you can read the last bit.
0:32:02 > 0:32:03Actually, Sepp...
0:32:05 > 0:32:06LAUGHTER
0:32:06 > 0:32:07Hang on...
0:32:09 > 0:32:12If you look at their record since 1966,
0:32:12 > 0:32:14I think you'll find that England are very good at losing.
0:32:14 > 0:32:15Very good!
0:32:20 > 0:32:23Which means, at the end of this round...
0:32:23 > 0:32:26it's four points to Ian and three points to Paul.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35It's just one between you this week. Your four are...
0:32:35 > 0:32:36Charlotte Proudman,
0:32:36 > 0:32:38the Dalai Lama,
0:32:38 > 0:32:40James Bond
0:32:40 > 0:32:41and air conditioning.
0:32:41 > 0:32:42BELL RINGS
0:32:42 > 0:32:44GRAYSON: Is it something to do with sexism?
0:32:44 > 0:32:49Charlotte Proudman has been the victim of sexism on LinkedIn.
0:32:49 > 0:32:50Right.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52And all the others have been accused of sexism.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56I think air conditioning was recently outed as a sexist...
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Ah, yes. Yes.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01..because it favours the male metabolism.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03I don't know about the Dalai Lama,
0:33:03 > 0:33:07but James Bond is practically a synonym for sexism.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10It's a full, frank and fundamentally 100% correct answer.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Yes.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14APPLAUSE
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Proudman sparked a media storm when she accused a fellow lawyer
0:33:19 > 0:33:21of being sexist for commenting on her photo
0:33:21 > 0:33:23on the professional online platform LinkedIn.
0:33:23 > 0:33:28Also, Charlotte Proudman has stolen her hairstyle from someone...
0:33:28 > 0:33:30No, I've got... LAUGHTER
0:33:30 > 0:33:33I've got this hair registered.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Ian, I think you'll find the Dalai Lama
0:33:36 > 0:33:37has pulled off a similar...
0:33:39 > 0:33:41APPLAUSE
0:33:41 > 0:33:45Daniel Craig recently called James Bond a misogynist.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48He's "a bit" of a misogynist in the way that Oscar Pistorius
0:33:48 > 0:33:50is "a bit" lucky he wasn't black.
0:33:50 > 0:33:54Just a bit...
0:33:54 > 0:33:56This much.
0:33:56 > 0:33:59How has the latest instalment of Bond, Spectre,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02attracted criticism for its apparently sexist attitude?
0:34:02 > 0:34:06Is it because the lady in it is an older woman,
0:34:06 > 0:34:09but Daniel Craig said she's not "older", she's just Bond's age?
0:34:09 > 0:34:12- Monica Bellucci...- Yeah.- ..is 51 -
0:34:12 > 0:34:14the oldest Bond girl yet,
0:34:14 > 0:34:18which was hailed as a revolutionary portrayal of women in the franchise,
0:34:18 > 0:34:20but she appears on-screen for just seven minutes,
0:34:20 > 0:34:22in which time he manages to meet her, sleep with her
0:34:22 > 0:34:25and extract the information he needs.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28Was that all one swift movement?
0:34:31 > 0:34:34Air conditioning has been accused of being sexist
0:34:34 > 0:34:35for being set at too cold a temperature
0:34:35 > 0:34:37for female office workers.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39There is of course a simpler way
0:34:39 > 0:34:41of making women feel warmer in the office -
0:34:41 > 0:34:44just double glaze that glass ceiling.
0:34:49 > 0:34:50Yeah.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52And the Dalai Lama has outraged feminists
0:34:52 > 0:34:55by saying that any potential female successor to his role
0:34:55 > 0:34:58would need to be very, very attractive.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01Some Tibetan Buddhist priest believe that in the moment of his death,
0:35:01 > 0:35:05the reincarnated Dalai Lama enters the body of a small child.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08Whereas some Catholic priests think, "Why wait?"
0:35:13 > 0:35:15Time now for the Missing Words Round,
0:35:15 > 0:35:18which this week features as its guest publication...
0:35:19 > 0:35:21Subscribe now - no strings.
0:35:23 > 0:35:24We start with...
0:35:29 > 0:35:31GRAYSON: Er, my wife is not a kite fan,
0:35:31 > 0:35:34but she likes to give mine a good pull
0:35:34 > 0:35:37and tolerates a bit of wind.
0:35:38 > 0:35:39APPLAUSE
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Next...
0:35:55 > 0:35:59GRAYSON: Smoking while there's children in the Millennium Falcon.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Chewbacca arrested for...
0:36:04 > 0:36:07- What?!- Yes, this is the news that a man dressed as Chewbacca
0:36:07 > 0:36:10was campaigning for a candidate called Darth Vader
0:36:10 > 0:36:11in a Ukraine election.
0:36:11 > 0:36:13Fair enough with Putin on the doorstep -
0:36:13 > 0:36:17a vote for Darth Vader is a vote for peace.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20Here he is being carted off by police.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26And here he is in court.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34He looks like he's been roughed up since he was put into that car.
0:36:34 > 0:36:36Yeah.
0:36:36 > 0:36:37Next...
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Is it allergy to wedding cake?
0:36:48 > 0:36:49Is it Twitter?
0:36:51 > 0:36:53It's Michael Gove.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- Ruined by Michael Gove?!- Yeah.
0:36:57 > 0:36:58What, has he dug him up?
0:36:59 > 0:37:02Is he a time traveller? Look who I'm asking - is he a time traveller?
0:37:05 > 0:37:07- In a way.- In a way?
0:37:07 > 0:37:11Renowned Henry VIII impersonator Mike Farley
0:37:11 > 0:37:13has seen his work opportunities dwindle
0:37:13 > 0:37:17after the Tudors were slashed from the national curriculum.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Explaining the appeal to schoolkids of the Tudors,
0:37:20 > 0:37:21Mike said...
0:37:29 > 0:37:32But they can get all that stuff online now, Mike.
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Next...
0:37:38 > 0:37:41KATHERINE: The Pope has a good job but he doesn't get to internet date -
0:37:41 > 0:37:43or does he?
0:37:45 > 0:37:47The Pope has a good job
0:37:47 > 0:37:52but he doesn't get to take time off or fly a kite or stuff a ferret.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55GRAYSON: He doesn't get to wear trousers or culottes.
0:37:55 > 0:37:56Yes.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01- LAUGHS:- Culottes!
0:38:01 > 0:38:03It must be all of those.
0:38:03 > 0:38:05All of which answers are more plausible than the actual truth,
0:38:05 > 0:38:07which is...
0:38:12 > 0:38:14A show?!
0:38:14 > 0:38:16..according to Rod Stewart,
0:38:16 > 0:38:19who expressed these views this week in an interview with the Sun.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23Rod, do you know nothing about Catholicism?
0:38:23 > 0:38:26The Pope has wine DURING the show.
0:38:29 > 0:38:30And finally...
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Was a popular euphemism.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42For what?
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Invading Crete.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47- Creek?- Crete.- Oh.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50Oh, sorry. You were on a beaver theme.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54I thought you were calling sex "Invading the creek", and I...
0:38:54 > 0:38:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:38:57 > 0:38:59I...
0:39:00 > 0:39:03..loved that.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05I loved that.
0:39:05 > 0:39:09Well, we can do a retake if you like.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11It's a more interesting answer than the rather obvious...
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Parachuting beavers killed 15 civilians in the 1940s.
0:39:14 > 0:39:16Were they trained by MI5?
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Yeah, but you can't direct the parachuting beaver.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20Once he's out there, he's out there.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Good for all those German dams, though.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27GRAYSON: Ooh, fair enough.
0:39:27 > 0:39:31Parachuting beavers imitated Churchill.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35- AS CHURCHILL: - We are parachuting beavers.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38Parachuting beavers...
0:39:44 > 0:39:45Oh, no.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51An historian in the US state of Idaho
0:39:51 > 0:39:55has unearthed a video of the great beaver trip of 1948 -
0:39:55 > 0:39:57a relocation plan for the state's beavers.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Here it is.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01Now into the air and down they swing.
0:40:01 > 0:40:06Box open and a most unusual and novel trip ends for Mr Beaver.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10What?!
0:40:10 > 0:40:13How can it be cheaper to drop them from planes
0:40:13 > 0:40:16rather than just take them in a car, "There you are."
0:40:18 > 0:40:21"I'm not flying easyJet again, thanks very much.
0:40:21 > 0:40:22"Where the hell am I?"
0:40:25 > 0:40:28What happens if the box doesn't open when they hit the ground, as well?
0:40:28 > 0:40:29GRAYSON: They're beavers!
0:40:32 > 0:40:34APPLAUSE
0:40:35 > 0:40:38So, at the end of the quiz, the final scores are...
0:40:38 > 0:40:40Paul and Katherine have five,
0:40:40 > 0:40:42but the winners are Ian and Grayson with six.
0:40:42 > 0:40:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:48 > 0:40:50On which note we say thank you to our panellists,
0:40:50 > 0:40:53Ian Hislop and Grayson Perry, Paul Merton and Katherine Ryan -
0:40:53 > 0:40:55and I leave you with the news
0:40:55 > 0:40:58that as George Osborne begins to look vulnerable,
0:40:58 > 0:41:01leadership rival Boris Johnson plans his next move.
0:41:03 > 0:41:05In Zurich, Sepp Blatter explains how,
0:41:05 > 0:41:08despite being President of Fifa,
0:41:08 > 0:41:10evidence of corruption never reached him.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15And CCTV captures the moment just before Prince Philip
0:41:15 > 0:41:17finally loses it with the Queen.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25Goodnight.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE