0:00:04 > 0:00:11This programme contains strong language.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:32CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I'm Stephen Mangan. In the news this week -
0:00:43 > 0:00:46word spreads that Rupert Murdoch has rewritten his will
0:00:46 > 0:00:48to cut out his children.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51SHE GUFFAWS
0:00:54 > 0:00:56On a building site in Surrey,
0:00:56 > 0:00:59David Cameron discusses with engineers
0:00:59 > 0:01:02exactly where Iain Duncan Smith is going to have his accident.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12And in north London, the Government's new pro-EU leaflet
0:01:12 > 0:01:14arrives through Boris Johnson's letterbox.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24On Ian's team tonight -
0:01:24 > 0:01:26a German comedian who believes British audiences
0:01:26 > 0:01:29are wrong to applaud someone before they've actually done anything,
0:01:29 > 0:01:32so let's see what happens now as I say,
0:01:32 > 0:01:34please welcome Henning Wehn!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:41 > 0:01:43And with Paul tonight -
0:01:43 > 0:01:46a politician who, after last year's general election,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48was leader of Ukip in that brief period
0:01:48 > 0:01:51between Nigel Farage resigning as leader
0:01:51 > 0:01:53and Nigel Farage sobering up.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Please welcome Suzanne Evans.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:05And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Ian and Henning, take a look at this.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Yes, that's Panama. Someone handing over money.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Want some more? He does!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Putin...
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Oh, that smells fishy.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21Already, there are investigations in a lot of countries,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23a Prime Minister has fallen. Might be two.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Well, this is a fabulous story by a whistle-blower
0:02:30 > 0:02:33for a company in Panama, and I do hope he's somewhere
0:02:33 > 0:02:34with a beard and a baseball cap,
0:02:34 > 0:02:36hidden safely away,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38having offended Putin, the Chinese,
0:02:38 > 0:02:41all Arab countries
0:02:41 > 0:02:43and David Cameron, obviously. Um...
0:02:43 > 0:02:48So, it's a massive exposure of, um...
0:02:48 > 0:02:52..this Panamanian company which sets up offshore for money laundering,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54tax evasion...
0:02:54 > 0:02:55LOW HUM
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's Putin...
0:02:58 > 0:03:00He's tunnelling in.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05It sounds like the building is trying to start itself up.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09The alleged corruption with Mr Putin...
0:03:14 > 0:03:18A number of his friends... He's probably never met any of them.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, he's gone. Um...
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Anyway, no, it's 11 million documents,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28proving that the idea that the rich are an extraordinary elite
0:03:28 > 0:03:32who are constantly trying to evade giving any money to any society
0:03:32 > 0:03:35which they live in is entirely true.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37What do you think?
0:03:37 > 0:03:39It's not unexpected, is it?
0:03:39 > 0:03:42So, you didn't look at that and think,
0:03:42 > 0:03:44"Oh, I would have never guessed that."
0:03:46 > 0:03:50On the other hand, it does keep Britain safe, in a way,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53because for as long as the President of Bananistan, huh,
0:03:53 > 0:03:57has got his ill-gotten money squirreled away in UK property,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59they're not going to attack the UK.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04So, eventually, you don't need MI5, MI6.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06All you need is Foxtons.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10APPLAUSE
0:04:12 > 0:04:16It's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened on this scale.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19I'm sorry to be enthusiastic about it, I know you expected it,
0:04:19 > 0:04:22but, God, the detail's fantastic!
0:04:22 > 0:04:26And they've had a scalp. I mean, most journalism
0:04:26 > 0:04:29doesn't end up with the Prime Minister resigning,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32but in Iceland... I mean, was it 10% of the population
0:04:32 > 0:04:35went out on the street? That'd be the equivalent of five million of us
0:04:35 > 0:04:37going up to Downing Street and saying,
0:04:37 > 0:04:39"Give us your dad's money back!"
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Just an idea.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46And as you said, the people of Iceland have reacted with fury.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49On the streets of Reykjavik, the incredibly well-behaved Icelanders
0:04:49 > 0:04:53stamped their feet for a bit and their Prime Minister resigned
0:04:53 > 0:04:57after it was revealed he and his wife had a huge offshore tax fund,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59although his spokesman claims...
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Oh, no, we've heard this before, Suzanne!
0:05:10 > 0:05:12APPLAUSE
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Anyway...what's the man in Iceland called?
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Sven?
0:05:24 > 0:05:28I get a German on, and HE does the racist stereotypes!
0:05:28 > 0:05:30It's just probabilities.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33He's called Sigmund...
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- Sigismundi...? - SUZANNE:- Gunnlaugsson.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38It is a lot more racist just to... He's like,
0:05:38 > 0:05:40"Or something like Sigismundi...
0:05:40 > 0:05:43"Or whatever it is with their silly foreign names!"
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Yes, these are the Panama papers
0:05:48 > 0:05:52from the office of tax lawyers Mossack Fonseca.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I believe Harry Redknapp once tried to sign him for Tottenham!
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Why is this embarrassing for the Prime Minister?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02The Prime Minister's father was named in the papers,
0:06:02 > 0:06:05and he ran an investment vehicle,
0:06:05 > 0:06:09amusingly called Blairmore Investments.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13It's entertaining, cos it suggests you could move
0:06:13 > 0:06:15even more money offshore than Blair did.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19And the fund was moved to Ireland
0:06:19 > 0:06:21when Cameron became Prime Minister
0:06:21 > 0:06:24because, apparently, a source said...
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I would like to make it clear at this point
0:06:29 > 0:06:32that nobody has broken the law.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- Yes...- What about Jack the Ripper?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42This is the Prime Minister who said,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45"I want more transparency and I want less corruption,"
0:06:45 > 0:06:48And there are these very funny series of statements,
0:06:48 > 0:06:50starting with, "This is a private matter."
0:06:50 > 0:06:52And people saying, "No, it isn't."
0:06:52 > 0:06:54"OK, it's not private.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57"I'm never in the future going to get any money
0:06:57 > 0:06:58"from these offshore holdings."
0:06:58 > 0:07:01And people are saying, "What about the past, then?"
0:07:01 > 0:07:03And I believe the latest news is
0:07:03 > 0:07:07he's admitted there was 30 grand he's taken out of it
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- and he's sold the shares.- Yeah. - So he used to own some shares
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- in Blairmore.- He suddenly remembered.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16And it does give the impression that, you know,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19the shares paid for his inheritance and his schooling,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22and it's just that idea that we're all in it together...
0:07:22 > 0:07:24if you happen to run a country.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28At some point during that, he said, "Put up or shut up,"
0:07:28 > 0:07:31which was kind of like a big red flag flying, I think,
0:07:31 > 0:07:33because when a politician says that,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35you know their back's against the wall.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Have you noticed that with other politicians(?)
0:07:41 > 0:07:43APPLAUSE
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Well, I think it is incredibly embarrassing for him.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Yes. Cameron dealt with these embarrassing questions
0:07:49 > 0:07:52in instalments. He said...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Here he is in 2013,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57commenting on the private tax affairs of Jimmy Carr.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Think of all those people who work hard, who pay their taxes,
0:08:01 > 0:08:05and out of that post-tax income save up to go and see Jimmy Carr.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07He's taking that money and stuffing it into something
0:08:07 > 0:08:11where he doesn't have to pay taxes. That is not fair!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14To be fair, whenever Cameron gives a speech,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16it's always free entry.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Where was he when he was asked about his tax affairs
0:08:20 > 0:08:22and why was it extra embarrassing?
0:08:22 > 0:08:26- The Bahamas?- Shame, cos he would have got a nice tan, wouldn't he?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- Yeah.- No.- Lanzarote?- No.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- At PricewaterhouseCoopers. - That's right, yes.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34He was at the accountants PricewaterhouseCoopers,
0:08:34 > 0:08:38who've been criticised by a Commons committee for facilitating...
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Cameron's father's scheme, like a lot of
0:08:44 > 0:08:47hardcore tax avoidance schemes, used bearer shares.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Would you like me to tell you how they work?- Yeah.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51- Yes, please.- Thank you.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- I give you this bit of paper, Suzanne.- OK.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57That's some shares in my offshore company - Trade Bastard.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02That now means you own the shares, cos you're holding them.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- If you pass them to Paul... - Yes, I've got them now.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Now he owns them. But nobody needs to know
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- that they have passed from you... - Well, we shouldn't have done it
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- like this, then.- Shouldn't have done it on live telly.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15OK, so I've got them now, but nobody knows I've got them.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- No-one knows you've got them.- Yep. - That's how it works.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Well, I tell you one thing - you have to be very organised.- You do.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Because I know, I mean... I can't find... I can't find my
0:09:22 > 0:09:24house keys most days...
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Various world leaders have been building up
0:09:27 > 0:09:29stacks of tax-free cash offshore.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33What has the President of the UAE been secretly doing with his money?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Bought up London property.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Exactly right, yeah.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40He's bought £1.2 billion worth of London properties.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42He's bought half of Oxford Street
0:09:42 > 0:09:44and parts of Mayfair.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48He didn't get the utilities or the stations, though...
0:09:48 > 0:09:51which are actually better value.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55Astonishingly, the world of football has allowed itself
0:09:55 > 0:10:00to be besmirched by these offshore revelations.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02How did that happen?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Well, they got their new man, Infantino,
0:10:05 > 0:10:09the new Fifa president, and then they had one geezer
0:10:09 > 0:10:11looking after the ethics committee or something,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14and he was working if not for the Fonseca lot,
0:10:14 > 0:10:17then for something related to them.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18So, essentially, he's the ethics man
0:10:18 > 0:10:20and he's right in the middle of it all.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23So that doesn't look too good, does it?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- They should have kept Blatter. I said that all along.- Yeah.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Yes, Uefa did a deal on TV rights
0:10:31 > 0:10:34with an offshore company called Cross Trading...
0:10:34 > 0:10:37It's like The Night Manager, this, isn't it?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39..which was a front for an alleged fraudster.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43The deal was signed by brand-new, squeaky-clean Fifa boss
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Gianni Infantino.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I can't help noticing there are a lot of extremely bald men
0:10:48 > 0:10:49in the news at the moment.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54So shall we play a game of... Whose Bald Bonce Is This?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Fingers on the buzzers. Here's your first bald bonce...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Who's that?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- BUZZER - Iain Duncan Smith.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Yes, it is.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Ian, you made him cry, didn't you?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Erm...
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Erm...
0:11:12 > 0:11:14APPLAUSE
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I did. Erm...
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I made a documentary about Victorian benefits
0:11:19 > 0:11:24and I asked him some questions about the Poor Law and workhouses
0:11:24 > 0:11:26and he suddenly started crying
0:11:26 > 0:11:27when he told me about this young girl
0:11:27 > 0:11:32who'd had no start in life and he'd wanted to help.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35And then people said, "Well, what did you do when he cried?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36"Did you comfort him?"
0:11:36 > 0:11:39And I said, "No, it's Iain Duncan Smith."
0:11:43 > 0:11:47You didn't tell Iain Duncan Smith you were related to him, did you?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49You didn't go, "Daddy"?
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Let's have a look at look at another bald bonce.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Is it someone's knee?
0:12:05 > 0:12:06It's actually...
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Sajid Javid. Our Business Secretary.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Are his ears very low or is it just the angle of the shot?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17His head has melted and they've slid down the side of his face.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24- I hope his...- He would look different if he had hair.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28He would look different if he had hair, yeah.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31- Proportion-wise, I mean.- Yeah, true, yeah...
0:12:34 > 0:12:38I feel a bit hypocritical on this round.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41You're not there yet, Ian...
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Incredibly expensive.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Funded through the BBI.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And finally...
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Who's that?- Bobby Charlton.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Right profession.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Somebody old in football, is that it?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00He will be thrilled to hear that.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02It's Ray Wilkins.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05- Why's he been in the news? - He hasn't.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Suck it up.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20This game, it needs a little bit of refining, I think.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27OK, only another 42 bald heads to go.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- By the way, does anyone know who Nigel Mills is?- No.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Is he bald?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- No, he's not bald, no.- Not bald at all?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Unrelated to baldy bonces, then.- He has hair.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44And therefore looks different than if he would have had no hair.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- He got it.- Yeah.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50He is actually a Tory MP...who is big on tax avoidance.
0:13:50 > 0:13:56I ask because he's clearly worried that people don't know what he looks like.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59So, in this interview on Sky News, he made doubly sure.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Whose responsibility is it to ensure that the mega rich play
0:14:03 > 0:14:04by the rules?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Well, joining us live from his constituency in Ripley is
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Nigel Mills, the Conservative MP who is very active on tackling
0:14:11 > 0:14:13multinational tax avoidance.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19Now, hilariously, the poster behind should have been doing the talking...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Er, what's the big news in Russia?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25The papers reveal a huge number of transactions going through a
0:14:25 > 0:14:28friend of Putin's who is a cellist.
0:14:28 > 0:14:33Um... And people have said, well, it's quite strange that this
0:14:33 > 0:14:35cellist who runs a small music school...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40..has a vast financial empire through which wash
0:14:40 > 0:14:42billions and billions of pounds.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45And they are suggesting that this in some way links to Putin.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49And that's quite big news in Russia, particularly if you mention it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Yeah.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Why would Putin be distracted? What else is on his mind at the moment?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58He's having an affair with a belly dancer?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- That's, that's close...- Is it?! - That's close.
0:15:01 > 0:15:06- I just thought I'd made it up.- That is really close.- There is a story in some of...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10..the world's press that he's having an affair with Wendi Deng...
0:15:10 > 0:15:12- Rupert Murdoch's ex-wife.- Oh...
0:15:12 > 0:15:16I have no idea whether this story is true or not.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Though it is amusing.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- Yes, there are rumours, though, aren't there?- There are.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24That she is having some sort of...
0:15:24 > 0:15:27ding-dong, I suppose...
0:15:27 > 0:15:28If you were Leslie Phillips.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Cos she's... There was the engineer bloke...
0:15:31 > 0:15:34Rupert Murdoch, she was married to. Possibly Tony Blair?
0:15:34 > 0:15:38- Rumours there.- She wasn't married to him.- No.- I would have noticed that.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Yes!
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Staying with Russia - which traitor appeared from beyond the grave this week?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Lenin! No, he wasn't a traitor.
0:15:47 > 0:15:51It's the first word I always say in pub quizzes, I'm sorry.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- Oh, er, the Cambridge Five, the fella that died.- Philby. - Philby.- That's right.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Yeah.- Yes, a video from 1981 surfaced, of Kim Philby explaining
0:16:00 > 0:16:04to the Stasi how he spied on Britain for the Russians for decades.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Here he is...
0:16:06 > 0:16:09He was introduced to the Stasi by masterspy Markus Wolf,
0:16:09 > 0:16:11known as...
0:16:14 > 0:16:17That would surely attract attention.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Kim Philby's advice was...
0:16:19 > 0:16:22To the Stasi was, if you're caught doing something...
0:16:22 > 0:16:26Never admit it, deny it absolutely...
0:16:26 > 0:16:28It's good for British public life...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Absolutely right.- Are you drawing some parallel
0:16:34 > 0:16:37between a traitor to our country and the Prime Minister
0:16:37 > 0:16:39that's currently residing at Number 10 Downing Street?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41It never occurred to me!
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Oh, that's a shame.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Do you know what Kim Philby's highly sophisticated method for smuggling
0:16:47 > 0:16:49state secrets to the Russians was?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Carrier pigeon?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53It wasn't even as exciting as that.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54He said...
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Have you ever been approached during your time at Oxford?
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Um, I was never approached in the future, or...
0:17:22 > 0:17:24now.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28This is the shock news that some of the world's biggest bastards
0:17:28 > 0:17:30have been using offshore companies...
0:17:30 > 0:17:33to dodge their tax.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Panama may seem like an unlikely location for financial security,
0:17:37 > 0:17:39but if there's one thing we know about Panama,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42they can keep things under their hat.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47APPLAUSE
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- I don't think we should applaud that sort of thing.- No.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52It's disgusting.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54In the past, David Cameron has described
0:17:54 > 0:17:57people using offshore schemes to minimise their tax as...
0:18:00 > 0:18:04A refreshingly honest end to the eulogy at his father's funeral.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13The first casualty of the scandal was Iceland's Prime Minister,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15who has been forced to resign.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18He's also in danger of having his assets frozen.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Still, that's what happens if you go sunbathing in Reykjavik.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Ronnie Corbett, that one's for you.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31APPLAUSE
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Vladimir Putin has been linked to the offshore banking scandal.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Rather more surprisingly, he's also been linked to Wendi Deng.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43At the moment, it's just a rumour.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45We'll only know for sure when they split up
0:18:45 > 0:18:47and she's found dead in a locked hotel room.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Paul and Suzanne, take a look at this...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Oh, yes, this is Port Talbot, I imagine.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05The crisis in the steel industry, because we have no money,
0:19:05 > 0:19:08because it's all in Panama. And that's the industry secretary,
0:19:08 > 0:19:10who's pretending he's going to do something about it.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Which he can't, because the EU's strangling it.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15- Oh, and there's the President of China.- Happy hour.- Yeah.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18David Cameron trying to do his man-of-the-people bit,
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- like Nigel Farage, and failing abysmally.- Yes.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23What, you think Farage looks good with a pint?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25- Yeah.- Or two.- Yeah. Or two.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28That's what this country needs, somebody who's always on the piss.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- Well, it worked for Churchill, didn't it?- Yeah.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Yeah, he was up against different opposition, though.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Thankfully, we're allowed to make those remarks - because we won.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Yeah, I shouldn't have brought it up.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I was going to say, "You started it." But then, no, no...
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Anyway, very unfair to you - Suzanne there saying it's the EU's fault
0:20:03 > 0:20:05that Port Talbot's closing down.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I feel like I've come to the country far too late.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Because...before Britain joined the Common Market,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13this must have been paradise.
0:20:14 > 0:20:18And it was paradise, wasn't it? Only had to go to work three days a week.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Yeah, this is the news that Tata
0:20:25 > 0:20:28are to sell off the steelworks at Port Talbot in Wales.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30It's losing £1 million a day,
0:20:30 > 0:20:34thanks to British imports of cheap Chinese steel.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Business Minister Anna Soubry suggested buying Tata...
0:20:39 > 0:20:40..causing alarm at the Treasury,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43which didn't think it had that much available.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47It's not just a question of money. They're losing £1 million a day.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51I noticed that sort of international tax evasion is costing us...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54What's the figure? 16 billion a year.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57So we could keep Port Talbot going for...
0:20:57 > 0:21:00oh, about 300 years.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02We could go for quite a long time
0:21:02 > 0:21:05if we weren't paying 350 million a week to the EU.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Well, if you weren't in the EU, I wouldn't be here.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10- SUZANNE:- Why not?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:15 > 0:21:19And if that is a blessing or not is for you to decide.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Which campaign are you in now?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24You'd never guess. The Leave campaign.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26No, no, of the many on the other side.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27I'm on the board of Vote Leave.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30You're not one of the Grassroots lot?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32No, I didn't like the look of the green tie.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- I don't think it'd suit me.- Is Nigel in the Grassroots lot?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Nigel's...- Oh, what a coincidence. - Yes.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42It's all a bit Judean People's Front/People's Front of Judea.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44APPLAUSE
0:21:44 > 0:21:49Tata took the decision to sell up at a board meeting in Mumbai last week.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Local MPs and union representatives from Port Talbot
0:21:52 > 0:21:54flew out there to lobby the company.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Where was the government's Business Secretary, Sajid Javid?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- He was in Australia.- Yeah, that's right. He was on holiday...
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Sorry, he was at a trade meeting.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Writing in the Sunday Times,
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Sajid Javid said of his eventual visit to Port Talbot...
0:22:15 > 0:22:17His PR team.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Suzanne, when you see what an extraordinary mess
0:22:25 > 0:22:26the Government has made of this,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- surely you must still be tempted to rejoin the Tory party...- No, no.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- ..and leave all those Ukip nutters behind?- No, they're not nutters.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34They're a great bunch of people, Ukip,
0:22:34 > 0:22:36and I'm sticking with Ukip.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Well, at least I hope, if they let me back in. Please!
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- You're suspended for, what, six months?- Six months.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Are you going to appeal? - I absolutely am.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- Try and get a year?- Yeah.
0:22:51 > 0:22:56While we've been away, the EU debate has been raging dully on.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58All sorts of claims are being made about what will happen
0:22:58 > 0:23:01if we stay or go, with each side accusing the other
0:23:01 > 0:23:02of scaremongering.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05So let's sort everything out once and for all
0:23:05 > 0:23:07with a quick but potentially fun game of...
0:23:07 > 0:23:09LAUGHTER
0:23:09 > 0:23:11..Fear or Fact?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13GAME SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Fingers on buzzers.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19If we leave Europe, we'll be able to make browner toast. Fear or fact?
0:23:19 > 0:23:20BUZZER
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Got to be a fact.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Well, Ukip MEP David Coburn certainly thinks so.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33He blames EU regulations for his less-than-powerful toaster.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37If you're watching, Mr Coburn, the next time that happens,
0:23:37 > 0:23:38put your fork in the toaster...
0:23:41 > 0:23:43..and poke it around a bit. APPLAUSE
0:23:43 > 0:23:47If we leave, we will at last be free to recycle teabags.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Fear or fact?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Can't we recycle teabags already?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54The Mayor of London claimed in a column you can't.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Yes, that's right.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Boris Johnson feels his life has been blighted
0:23:58 > 0:24:00by regulations on teabag recycling,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03although it turns out there aren't any.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07Yeah, but still fair enough to be cross about it.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Bloody Brussels!- Yeah!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14If we leave, it'll be the end of the booze cruise.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16BUZZER Fear or fact?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- Suzanne.- Definitely fear. - Definitely a fear?- Definitely fear.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21The French are going to stop us going over there
0:24:21 > 0:24:24and buying their booze? Not a chance.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, the Transport Secretary... SHE SIGHS
0:24:26 > 0:24:27..Patrick McLoughlin,
0:24:27 > 0:24:31he thinks there's a risk the EU might introduce customs limits
0:24:31 > 0:24:34and stop us stocking up on 110 litres of beer,
0:24:34 > 0:24:3790 litres of wine and ten litres of spirits.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40On hearing this news, Nigel Farage tweeted...
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Not really. That was actually Nigel's idea
0:24:49 > 0:24:51of an April Fool's joke.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53One reply to that tweet stated...
0:24:59 > 0:25:01APPLAUSE
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Do you regret sending that now, Suzanne?
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Anyone want to hear a former Swedish Prime Minister's view on the EU?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Here he is on Newsnight with Evan Davis.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19..and a former Swedish PM tells us if Britain can leave the EU,
0:25:19 > 0:25:23be in the single market and have full border control.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25No.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31This is the news that thousands of workers at Port Talbot
0:25:31 > 0:25:34are facing the axe. The good news is that George Osborne
0:25:34 > 0:25:37insists he has a coherent, strategic plan to safeguard
0:25:37 > 0:25:42the future of any worker who loses their job in the steel industry.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46The bad news is, he came up with it after watching The Full Monty.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50In other news this week,
0:25:50 > 0:25:53Jeremy Corbyn announced he will be playing Glastonbury,
0:25:53 > 0:25:56although he's refused to appear on the Pyramid Stage,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59as he's opposed to any sort of hierarchical structure.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06And so to Round Two, the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12BUZZER
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Paul.- Donald Trump, he's...
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Well, it could be anything with him, couldn't it?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Why is he so angry?
0:26:19 > 0:26:21He's a billionaire, he's got a lovely wife
0:26:21 > 0:26:23who loves him for his money - what is the...?
0:26:23 > 0:26:24LAUGHTER
0:26:24 > 0:26:27What is he so angry about?
0:26:27 > 0:26:30I think he's angry cos he's just lost.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32- He's lost in Wisconsin.- Yes.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35The whole sort of Trump bandwagon appears to be slowing up.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Yes, this is the news that Donald Trump may have finally
0:26:38 > 0:26:41out-crazied the Republican Party.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43He's lost votes with women
0:26:43 > 0:26:46after making controversial comments on abortion
0:26:46 > 0:26:50and then lost votes with women-haters by trying to take them back.
0:26:51 > 0:26:56That's a frequent accusation - "Politicians, they are too dull."
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Well, he isn't dull.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- No.- But do you want to be governed by him?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03I want them as dull as possible.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Charismatic leaders in the past have led to all sorts of trouble.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08I would say that...
0:27:12 > 0:27:14APPLAUSE
0:27:14 > 0:27:16The thought of him being in charge of America -
0:27:16 > 0:27:19he can't even control the knob on his sunbed.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I think you should refer to him as his butler.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30But this whole business about building the wall in Mexico
0:27:30 > 0:27:32and the Mexicans will pay for it -
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- that's not going to happen, is it? It's 1,000 miles long.- Yeah.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36They'll get a ladder.
0:27:37 > 0:27:41What he's done is threaten to cut off the billions of dollars
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Mexican immigrants send back from American to Mexico
0:27:43 > 0:27:45unless Mexico make...
0:27:49 > 0:27:52Let's see what the former Mexican president Vicente Fox
0:27:52 > 0:27:54thought about that idea.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56I'm not going to pay for that...
0:27:56 > 0:27:57fuckin' wall!
0:28:08 > 0:28:11- Made him angry, didn't it? - Livid, he is.- He's furious.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16Can we just take a brief moment here to look at Donald Trump's mouth?
0:28:16 > 0:28:18What is weird about it...
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Someone on the internet spotted this -
0:28:20 > 0:28:25you can replace his eyes with his mouth and he looks the same.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29- There's him normally.- Yeah. - And then with mouths for eyes...
0:28:35 > 0:28:36As a final note,
0:28:36 > 0:28:39has anyone noticed how Donald Trump often sounds like he's a bit drunk?
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Well, thanks to Friend Dog Studios,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45here are some recordings of Trump's actual voice
0:28:45 > 0:28:48but put into the body of a drunken American man.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50- DONALD TRUMP:- 'We need a border, we need a wall
0:28:50 > 0:28:53'but I don't mean one of those walls where you go
0:28:53 > 0:28:55'to Home Depot and buy a ladder and you walk across.
0:28:55 > 0:28:57'I mean, a wall!
0:28:57 > 0:28:58'Much higher.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03'That's peanuts. That's peanuts.
0:29:03 > 0:29:07'No, no, no. Much higher. Much higher.
0:29:07 > 0:29:09'I do know what I'm doing.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11'I want to help women with women's health issues,
0:29:11 > 0:29:13'nobody's going to be able to do it like me.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16'And, like, a lot of us are really smart, I'm really smart.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18'You know, I'm really good with that stuff.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20'You know, anybody that likes me, I like.
0:29:20 > 0:29:25'I just want to make this country so great.
0:29:25 > 0:29:30'And that's what's going to happen. And that's what going to happen.'
0:29:30 > 0:29:32APPLAUSE
0:29:35 > 0:29:36This is the news that Donald Trump
0:29:36 > 0:29:39has lost the Republican primary in Wisconsin.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42After a disastrous week, Trump's dreams lie in tatters.
0:29:42 > 0:29:45He may never become President and therefore
0:29:45 > 0:29:48may never be powerful enough to catch the eye of Wendi Deng.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54According to the Mail, Heidi Cruz says
0:29:54 > 0:29:58that her first date with Ted lasted hours, because...
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Jesus, I'd take the Rohypnol myself.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12This week saw criticism of Donald Trump
0:30:12 > 0:30:16for retweeting photos of his wife next to Heidi Cruz.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19British politicians were equally quick to condemn the photos,
0:30:19 > 0:30:22except for Boris Johnson, who spent ten minutes trying to swipe left.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:30:33 > 0:30:34BUZZER
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- Uh...- Paul.
0:30:36 > 0:30:39Some cats can understand better accents than others.
0:30:39 > 0:30:42- Some accents they don't get.- They respond better to a northern accent?
0:30:42 > 0:30:45- No.- They meow differently depending on where they live?
0:30:45 > 0:30:48That is the right answer.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Well done. APPLAUSE
0:30:50 > 0:30:53This is the news that scientists think cats
0:30:53 > 0:30:56can pick up regional accents.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59Before we get into the enormous detail of this story,
0:30:59 > 0:31:01how do cats say "meow" in Germany, Henning?
0:31:01 > 0:31:03Uh, "Meow!"
0:31:04 > 0:31:07Are British meows under threat from Brussels, Suzanne?
0:31:09 > 0:31:12The scientists behind this claim actually come from Sweden.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15What noise do cats make in Sweden?
0:31:15 > 0:31:17- IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:- "Sven!"
0:31:20 > 0:31:22APPLAUSE
0:31:24 > 0:31:26This isn't the first study of its kind.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29A University of London professor backed up a farmer's claim
0:31:29 > 0:31:30that his cows...
0:31:36 > 0:31:39Anyone see what was spotted in the Thames this week?
0:31:39 > 0:31:40A dolphin?
0:31:41 > 0:31:43Something that no-one can quite describe
0:31:43 > 0:31:45- but apparently it was Nessie. - Oh, yes.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48Hard as it might be to believe.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Yes, some people think they saw the Loch Ness monster.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Here's footage shot from a Thames cable car.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57Well, it's uncanny, isn't it?
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- Shall we have another look?- Yes.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06The cable car doesn't look that secure to me, the way it's...
0:32:06 > 0:32:10- What do we think that could be? - Shopping trolley.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Iain Duncan Smith throws himself off Hammersmith Bridge
0:32:13 > 0:32:14after interview with Ian Hislop.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Well, we know it's definitely not Nessie
0:32:18 > 0:32:22because according to Loch Ness expert Steve Feltham,
0:32:22 > 0:32:27who spent 25 years unsuccessfully looking for Nessie...
0:32:38 > 0:32:42He only says almost impossible though.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45And, finally, who would like to see a dog flying a plane?
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Not for me!
0:32:47 > 0:32:50There are certain things that I find entertaining
0:32:50 > 0:32:52and certain things that are no-go.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Here we are, a Staffordshire bull terrier/collie cross,
0:32:55 > 0:33:00called Shadow, took control of a plane at 3,000 feet.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Flying in a figure of eight circuit, following directions
0:33:03 > 0:33:05from his trainer. Here he is.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11- OK. This one, turn to right. - Good, good.
0:33:14 > 0:33:19'Shadow nails turn two, but next is the first of the key manoeuvres.'
0:33:23 > 0:33:25- HENNING:- Absolute garbage!
0:33:28 > 0:33:31Not in a million years did that dog fly the plane.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33Not after the last accident he had.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36We actually had to stop it there because he had to go back
0:33:36 > 0:33:38and serve drinks and nibbles.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41As news broke that a dog had successfully taken
0:33:41 > 0:33:43control of a plane, one passenger was quick to react.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57What's the airline called, Woofthansa?
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Time now for the Odd One Out round. Just one between you this week.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Your four are...
0:34:01 > 0:34:02Jeremy Corbyn.
0:34:02 > 0:34:03Tesco.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Neil Carter from The Archers.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07And the Prodigal Son.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11The man who painted the Prodigal Son picture sort of lost heart
0:34:11 > 0:34:13in the end, didn't he, by putting that arrow in?
0:34:15 > 0:34:17Did he not think they wouldn't know who he was?
0:34:17 > 0:34:20- He didn't draw the eye to the right character, did he?- No, no.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23Oh, is the arrow a clue because an arrow is fired by an archer,
0:34:23 > 0:34:25and you've got a man from The Archers?
0:34:25 > 0:34:26No.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Is it what the Prodigal Son did or what he ate
0:34:30 > 0:34:32or he was received...?
0:34:32 > 0:34:33Is it the fatted calf?
0:34:33 > 0:34:35What he ate is good.
0:34:35 > 0:34:36A pig.
0:34:36 > 0:34:37Corbyn been eating pork?
0:34:40 > 0:34:42He's a vegetarian.
0:34:42 > 0:34:43Yes, why is he a vegetarian?
0:34:43 > 0:34:44Because he doesn't eat meat.
0:34:47 > 0:34:48APPLAUSE
0:34:50 > 0:34:51I think.
0:34:51 > 0:34:53Oh, did he once see a pig being slaughtered?
0:34:53 > 0:34:56- Yes, he did.- And he was traumatised. - Yes.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58They all worked on a farm killing pigs.
0:34:58 > 0:35:02They all worked on a pig farm except Tesco is the right answer.
0:35:02 > 0:35:03Oh, yes.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05APPLAUSE
0:35:08 > 0:35:10They all worked on a pig farm except Tesco,
0:35:10 > 0:35:13who claim their pork sausages are from Woodside farm,
0:35:13 > 0:35:18which is entirely made up to make them sound more wholesome.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21Where are they from then if not from a farm?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24The National Farmers Union are asking that Tesco's rebrand
0:35:24 > 0:35:26- their sausages with a more appropriate name.- Ah.
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Like abattoir slurry.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35How have marketing experts defended Tesco?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38"It's not that bad, we could've called them Blairmore Farms."
0:35:38 > 0:35:40One told the BBC...
0:35:42 > 0:35:44It's just instinct.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48Jeremy Corbyn grew up in Shropshire and as a young man worked briefly
0:35:48 > 0:35:51on a pig farm where he grew quite attached to the pigs.
0:35:55 > 0:35:59Words he'll no doubt say again after the next election.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03Neil Carter from The Archers has worked with pigs on Willow Farm
0:36:03 > 0:36:05almost since he arrived in the village of Ambridge
0:36:05 > 0:36:07over 40 years ago. In a recent interview,
0:36:07 > 0:36:08the actor was asked...
0:36:11 > 0:36:14To which he replied...
0:36:16 > 0:36:18Adding, "What part of radio don't you understand?"
0:36:20 > 0:36:24Has anyone been keeping up with the latest goings on in The Archers?
0:36:24 > 0:36:27Somebody got stabbed but then survived,
0:36:27 > 0:36:28so nothing much to shout about.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Yeah, that's right. Someone got stabbed with a kitchen knife
0:36:32 > 0:36:34in a controversial domestic abuse storyline.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Critics say the bloody storyline would've been more at home
0:36:37 > 0:36:39on EastEnders.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41If it had've been on EastEnders, here's how it would've sounded.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43WOMAN CRIES
0:36:43 > 0:36:46He's... He's... He's dead!
0:36:46 > 0:36:47I've killed him.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50EASTENDERS DOOFS-DOOFS PLAY
0:36:50 > 0:36:54And here's what happens when Radio 4 tried to do grit.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56He's... He's... He's dead!
0:36:56 > 0:36:57I've killed him.
0:36:57 > 0:37:00THEME FROM THE ARCHERS PLAYS
0:37:01 > 0:37:04APPLAUSE
0:37:07 > 0:37:08Time now for the Missing Words Round,
0:37:08 > 0:37:11which this week features as its guest publication
0:37:11 > 0:37:12On The Lighter Side,
0:37:12 > 0:37:16the magazine for international lighter collectors.
0:37:16 > 0:37:17If you want to thumb through it,
0:37:17 > 0:37:20it usually takes a few goes.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22And we start with...
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Attach two pieces of paper together.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31And that's British!
0:37:38 > 0:37:41An innocent enough idea in the pages of the lighter magazine,
0:37:41 > 0:37:44though it led to a flood of hate mail from outraged readers
0:37:44 > 0:37:45of Paperclip Digest.
0:37:47 > 0:37:48Next...
0:37:51 > 0:37:53Fuck-Face McGee.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59That's the only one I can think of.
0:37:59 > 0:38:00The answer is...
0:38:06 > 0:38:08Dopey Dick was a killer whale who first came to Northern Ireland
0:38:08 > 0:38:11in the '70s and he's now Minister of Education
0:38:11 > 0:38:13in the Stormont government.
0:38:14 > 0:38:15Next...
0:38:18 > 0:38:20- SUZANNE:- I know this one, I think.
0:38:20 > 0:38:23Tried to get very large sofa into tiny car.
0:38:23 > 0:38:25Is the right answer!
0:38:30 > 0:38:31Next...
0:38:33 > 0:38:35Justice.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37APPLAUSE
0:38:38 > 0:38:40Well, the answer is...
0:38:43 > 0:38:45- SUZANNE:- Ketchup?
0:38:45 > 0:38:48- That is nothing to be scared of, really.- Next...
0:38:50 > 0:38:51Ant and Dec.
0:38:53 > 0:38:55The answer is actually...
0:39:00 > 0:39:01What's wrong with German traffic lights?
0:39:01 > 0:39:03They're boring, apparently.
0:39:03 > 0:39:05What, more boring than other traffic lights?
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Don't you want traffic lights to be boring?
0:39:07 > 0:39:11Rather than just changing colours all of a sudden.
0:39:11 > 0:39:12Next...
0:39:15 > 0:39:17- HENNING:- Arsonists?
0:39:18 > 0:39:21- No. Shall I tell you the answer? - Yes.- Yes, please do.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30If you want to know what it looked like before it had covers
0:39:30 > 0:39:32and content, here it is.
0:39:36 > 0:39:37And finally...
0:39:41 > 0:39:43Justify the bombing of Dresden?
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Here is what happened when one grandpa, Nonno Bill,
0:39:59 > 0:40:04recently went to get his done in one of those modern photo booths.
0:40:17 > 0:40:20So, the final scores are...
0:40:20 > 0:40:22Ian and Henning have four,
0:40:22 > 0:40:25but this week's winners are Paul and Suzanne with six.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28APPLAUSE
0:40:31 > 0:40:35But just before we go, there is time for the caption competition.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46After a rare moment of honesty,
0:40:46 > 0:40:49Ian Hislop's career takes a downturn.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52On which note...
0:40:52 > 0:40:55LAUGHTER
0:40:55 > 0:40:58..we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:58 > 0:41:00and Henning Wehn, Paul Merton and Suzanne Evans.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02I leave you with news that,
0:41:02 > 0:41:05as Fifa look to move away from accusations of corruption,
0:41:05 > 0:41:08China reveals its bid for the 2030 World Cup.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15At a retirement home in the North West, one relative
0:41:15 > 0:41:19worries the standard of care might not be quite up to scratch.
0:41:24 > 0:41:26And at a stoneworks in California,
0:41:26 > 0:41:30a life-sized Kim Kardashian statue nears completion.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Good night.