0:00:31 > 0:00:32CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Stephen Mangan.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45In the news this week, at an England training session,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Gareth Southgate tries to win over his young squad
0:00:48 > 0:00:51by showing how much he's improved his penalty technique.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04At a Leave campaign reunion, David Davis hears that Michael Gove
0:01:04 > 0:01:06is about to throw himself off a balcony.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20And in Islington, on her first day in a new job,
0:01:20 > 0:01:25a Polish cleaner is given somewhat brusque instructions.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Nice to see you here this morning. This is my house, by the way.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Goodbye.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38On Ian's team tonight, a German comedian who presented
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Channel 4's An Immigrant's Guide To Britain.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Good luck getting a second series.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Please welcome Henning Wehn.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47APPLAUSE
0:01:51 > 0:01:55And with Paul tonight is the leader of the Scottish Conservative Party,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58who's described herself as a tough old bird
0:01:58 > 0:02:02and a short-haired, flat-shoed, shovel-faced lesbian.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Who writes your speeches, Donald Trump?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Please welcome Ruth Davidson, MSP.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:17And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Paul and Ruth, take a look at this.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20The pound is falling.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- That's them falling.- As demonstrated by the falling pound there.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Don't know who he is, but he's very happy to have...
0:02:25 > 0:02:27PG Tips, PG Tips. Marmite.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30PG Tips and Marmite, and this is the danger of hay
0:02:30 > 0:02:32can suddenly explode at a moment's notice.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- This is just typical BBC whingeing.- Is it?- Yes.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I mean, the suggestion the pound has crashed.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I mean, it's gone down a lot and hit the bottom...
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- But it's bounced back up.- No, it hasn't.- Hasn't it?- No. Boomph!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Anyway, we're not allowed to say that,
0:02:50 > 0:02:53because then we're boring old sneery, liberal Remoaners.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- No, come on, it's just a government ploy, isn't it?- Mm.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00To make the UK as unattractive as possible for migrant workers.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03What they want to do is send stuff home, yeah,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07so dispose of the money, and if that only buys you a loaf of bread,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11well, obviously they'll stay in Poland, then, won't they?
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- Well, you're still here.- Well, if I had any transferable skills, Ian...
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I just said that, in case Amber Rudd comes round with a clipboard.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25My team has a foreign worker on it.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28I...
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Yeah, but for who knows how much longer?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- I'm considering the citizenship test.- Can you queue?- If I have to.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- I try to get to the front as quickly as possible.- Er, yes...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I wasn't even booked to be on here this evening.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It's the first one to get their towel down on the chair essentially.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54This is the news that the pound
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- has been subject to terrible fluctuations.- Yes.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Would you like to see this expressed in musical form?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Er, no. No.- OK.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Yeah, go on. - Are you sure? Ian wants to.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Oh, if you've made the effort, go on, then.- Here you go.
0:04:08 > 0:04:15GOD SAVE THE QUEEN PLAYS IN SLOW MOTION
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Was somebody employed to do that?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33To put the drop in the pound's value into context,
0:04:33 > 0:04:35shall we play a little game called...
0:04:35 > 0:04:36- Yeah.- HENNING:- Yeah.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- ..What Can You Buy For A Pound? HENNING:- Yes!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40PARTY HORN TOOTS
0:04:41 > 0:04:45You can buy ten of those graphics for a pound, for a start.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Last Friday, could you have brought this for a pound?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Erm...no. - Is the correct answer, yeah.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56In fact, I've got them here. Look.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58These are High Five puppets.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03And they retail at 1.19
0:05:03 > 0:05:07and last Friday, the pound was only worth 1.15.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10- Donald Trump's welcoming hands, are they?- Yes.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15What about a cap that says "Bad Ass"?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Can you buy that for a pound?- Yes.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20- No.- No, you couldn't.- Oh. - That's...- No, I tried.- Did you?
0:05:20 > 0:05:221.22, that cap.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25What about this? Could you have bought this for a pound?
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Yes.- Well, actually, no.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It went below for a while, didn't it?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34It did, indeed, especially if you went to Moneycorp
0:05:34 > 0:05:38at Gatwick Airport, as Martin Lewis, the money-saving man did.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Moneycorp were offering 97 cents for every pound
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and, helpfully, selling euros for £1.35.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52What is Brexit Minister David Davis particularly cross about?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Is he cross about the fact that people are going on
0:05:54 > 0:05:56about the pound, as you have been doing?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59It was Ed Miliband and all the other MPs on all sides
0:05:59 > 0:06:01who've asked for a debate on the deal
0:06:01 > 0:06:03that the government is going to negotiate with the EU,
0:06:03 > 0:06:09but David Davis is refusing to allow any room for "micro-management",
0:06:09 > 0:06:12as he calls the workings of the Houses of Parliament.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Are you a fan of David Davis?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Erm, I didn't really know him particularly well, but I'm getting
0:06:18 > 0:06:21to know him now in his new role and, you know,
0:06:21 > 0:06:23hopefully, he can do a job for us.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24We're going to need him to.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30You'll go far in this politics lark.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35What about the rest of the government? Theresa May - like her?
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- Absolutely.- I'm not going to go through the entire Cabinet.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40I was thinking, this is going to be a really long show
0:06:40 > 0:06:42and not a terribly amusing one, I have to say.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Oh, I don't know, I think it might get...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Who's been the chief winder-upper
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- of David Davis this week? - Keir Starmer.- Correct, yes.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54He was the former Director of Public Prosecutions,
0:06:54 > 0:06:57or as Iain Duncan Smith called him...
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Said the third-rate politician, but, er...
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Keir Starmer, as the Shadow Spokesman for Brexit, had presented
0:07:05 > 0:07:09the government with 170 questions about the plans for leaving the EU.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12But I think 140 of the 170 questions from Labour
0:07:12 > 0:07:15were, "Who's now in our Shadow Cabinet?"
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- Who are the new big beasts in the Shadow Cabinet?- Diane Abbott.- Yes.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20- She's a big beast. - She's the Shadow...
0:07:24 > 0:07:25She's the Shadow Foreign Secretary.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27I'm not sure you're allowed to say that.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- She's the Shadow Foreign Secretary. - I know, I'm not.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Shadow Home Secretary.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Who were the other surprises in the Shadow Cabinet?
0:07:34 > 0:07:39- Arnold Schwarzenegger.- Yes! No. Shami Chakrabarti.- Oh, yes.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41She's been appointed Attorney General.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Now, why are these surprising choices for Jeremy Corbyn?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Well, Jeremy Corbyn said, I mean, repeatedly during his career
0:07:46 > 0:07:49that you shouldn't just parachute people into the House of Lords
0:07:49 > 0:07:51that you want to put into government
0:07:51 > 0:07:52and the House of Lords is a disgrace.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55And then he appointed Shami Chakrabarti
0:07:55 > 0:07:56to be in the House of Lords,
0:07:56 > 0:07:57despite having said that,
0:07:57 > 0:08:00and then immediately, appointed her to the Shadow Cabinet,
0:08:00 > 0:08:03which he also said was appalling, when other Labour leaders did it.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I'm not suggesting he's inconsistent or hypocritical,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I'm just laying out the facts.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12How did Shami Chakrabarti respond when asked about justifying
0:08:12 > 0:08:15sending her kids to an £18,000-per-year private school?
0:08:15 > 0:08:16This is when she said
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- that she lives in a nice house, so it's OK.- Yes, she said...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28It's disgraceful, isn't it?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Like seeing how something as basic as public infrastructure,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33like education, how can that be...?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35How can it be privately run?
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Surely it has to be run by the state?
0:08:36 > 0:08:39It should be the monopoly of the state.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40It's just not a level playing field
0:08:40 > 0:08:44and whoever takes advantage of such an unfair system
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- should be utterly ashamed of themselves.- Oh, I don't know.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48APPLAUSE
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Don't applaud, don't applaud. I'm an absolute hypocrite
0:08:51 > 0:08:55because, given half a chance, I always use the M6 Toll!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00At the poor man's turn-off, "Bye-bye!
0:09:00 > 0:09:04"I worked hard for the right to drive straight. Brr-rr-rr-rr!"
0:09:04 > 0:09:07There is even a service station on the M6 Toll.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Always go in there. It's just...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12a completely different class of people.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Well, this is the news that, following the Brexit vote,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22the pound is now worth roughly the same as a euro.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Just as we leave the single market,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26we join the single currency. Great(!)
0:09:29 > 0:09:31As a result of the pound's collapse,
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Wednesday saw certain brands running low at Tesco's, including...
0:09:37 > 0:09:41..which really put the romantic dinner I'd planned for Mrs Mangan
0:09:41 > 0:09:42up the spout.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Michael Gove did an interview with the Times this week.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48In the article, Michael Gove talks about David Cameron saying...
0:09:50 > 0:09:54He says Education Secretary Nicky Morgan is "fantastic"
0:09:54 > 0:09:57and Boris Johnson is a "great guy."
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Michael, it's too late, nobody's coming to your birthday party.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Ian and Henning, take a look at this.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- Yeah, there he is.- That's Boris.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Putin, checking on the end of the world.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13- Yeah. Hippies. - Stop the War, I think.- Yeah.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16And Jeremy having a good old time.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Has he joined a band?
0:10:18 > 0:10:19HENNING LAUGHS
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- This is the war in Syria.- Yes.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Boris's first intervention as Foreign Secretary.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27He has had one idea, which is a no-fly zone.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30There should be nobody flying over Aleppo or over Syria.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33But the only people flying there at the moment are the Russians.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- So, we need to shoot them down.- Yes.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Which, again, could trigger a world war,
0:10:38 > 0:10:40which will make Brexit look quite amusing.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Boris is a bit like the political equivalent
0:10:46 > 0:10:51to death by misadventure, isn't he?
0:10:51 > 0:10:52He's just saying something.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56"Oh, let's see what happens when I say this.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59"Oh, bloody hell! World War Three!"
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Yes, this is the news that Boris Johnson has made
0:11:03 > 0:11:05his front-bench debut as Foreign Secretary.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07He made a blistering attack on Moscow,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10accusing Vladimir Putin of being guilty of war crimes
0:11:10 > 0:11:12by the deliberate targeting of civilians,
0:11:12 > 0:11:15humanitarian convoys and hospitals in Aleppo.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Weirdly, he and the government haven't made a similar attack
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- on Saudi Arabia's behaviour in Yemen.- Hm.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23But that must be coming soon, I'd imagine, wouldn't you say?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Next week, now you've mentioned it.- Yeah, yeah.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29The thing was, when he said about, he said, "Great...
0:11:29 > 0:11:33"A once-great country on the brink on becoming a pariah state",
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I thought he was referring to the UK.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41And, then, "Oh, Russia! Oh, I see. Yeah, them, too. Yeah."
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Boris made another controversial suggestion during a speech...
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- How did the Russian Embassy respond? - It was furious.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56They did what any self-respecting diplomatic mission should do -
0:11:56 > 0:11:58they got very sassy on Twitter.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Within minutes of Boris's comments,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Russian envoys in London tweeted the Ministry of Defence, saying...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17- Hm.- Oo-ooh!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21What did Major General Igor Konashenkov
0:12:21 > 0:12:23have to say about Boris' accusations?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26"They're not going to stop us"?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27He called them...
0:12:31 > 0:12:34- Nobody insults our rivers! - Yeah, muddy London water?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- Piss off, Igor!- Yeah!
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Say what you like about our government, leave our water alone!
0:12:39 > 0:12:44The Russians are much keener when they fill it with polonium.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47But in terms of Stop the War, it does appear to be that it has
0:12:47 > 0:12:49stopped some wars, just not any wars that involve Russia.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Russia walks into the Crimea, absolutely fantastic, so let's be
0:12:53 > 0:12:55on the side of the Russians. The Russians are bombing Syria,
0:12:55 > 0:12:59let's not raise our voice about that. Seumas Milne in Pravda today
0:12:59 > 0:13:02backing it up, is just... It really is Stop the West,
0:13:02 > 0:13:05and I think they are a bunch of shameless hypocrites
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- and they should be called out for it.- The problem is that,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10if you have a statement from Stop the War, who are against wars...
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- Just some wars.- ..and saying it's very important for us
0:13:13 > 0:13:15to unite against the West,
0:13:15 > 0:13:18you think, "Have you been watching this, at all?"
0:13:18 > 0:13:20It isn't the '70s.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I wish it was the '70s.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- The Cold War was a lot easier to get your head round, wasn't it?- Yeah.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29There was the Russians and there was everyone else.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Exactly.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33That's how I liked it.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36LAUGHTER
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Boris recently revealed some of his other dealings with the Russians.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- Did anyone see that?- No.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44At a meeting with the Russian Foreign Minister at the UN recently,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Johnson had asked British diplomats and their Russian counterparts
0:13:47 > 0:13:51in the room for a show of hands in favour of democracy.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Anyone here know what that is?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04A very, very poor bar snack.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06LAUGHTER
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Ruth, you ever felt Nicola Sturgeon's hairy eyeball?
0:14:08 > 0:14:13LAUGHTER
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Ruth, what do you think of Boris?
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I think that he's got a tough job
0:14:18 > 0:14:20and he's giving it his best.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Fantastic endorsement. - Cos you're friends again now.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33You did accuse him of peddling lies during the whole Europe thing?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35There was a very big debate
0:14:35 > 0:14:38and we've yet to see whether the £350 million a week
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- is going to go to the NHS. - Oh, I think we know.- Yeah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I, er...
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Do you have confidence in the role of Foreign Secretary?
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Cos you seemed quite equivocal in a recent interview.
0:14:55 > 0:14:59How about saying, "I have confidence in Boris Johnson"?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I've always had confidence in the role of the Foreign Secretary.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03That's what I said!
0:15:03 > 0:15:06That's not the same as saying my sentence.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10I suggested you say, "I have confidence in Boris Johnson."
0:15:10 > 0:15:13We know you love the post of Foreign Secretary.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I sat down with Boris, we had a very good meeting.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- He's taking the role incredibly seriously.- Why won't you say it?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I have more confidence in Boris Johnson now I've sat down with him
0:15:22 > 0:15:24than I had before. There you go!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26LAUGHTER
0:15:26 > 0:15:30So, Ruth, do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33My confidence in Boris Johnson increases every day.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36From a very low base.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Is this like the pound increasing in value?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44The debate on the unspeakable horror of Syria
0:15:44 > 0:15:47was obviously very important, but what did one group of MPs decide
0:15:47 > 0:15:50was an even more pressing topic for discussion
0:15:50 > 0:15:53at the exact same time?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55What's for lunch?
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Was it expenses?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- No.- It was the Royal Yacht. - It was exactly that.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01It was bringing back the Royal Yacht. I don't know whether
0:16:01 > 0:16:04it's taking the Royal Yacht that's currently in Edinburgh,
0:16:04 > 0:16:06two miles from my constituency, and they're not having it back,
0:16:06 > 0:16:10and press-ganging Britannia back in, or having a whole new Royal Yacht.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14It's a real passion, the boat, for Sir Gerald Howarth,
0:16:14 > 0:16:16who described Tony Blair's government's decision
0:16:16 > 0:16:20not to replace Britannia in 1997 as...
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Well, it does put the whole Syria thing into context.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Poor Sir Gerald.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What else has Putin been up to this week?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- He's moved some missiles closer to the Baltic states.- He has, indeed.
0:16:34 > 0:16:39He's moved some nuclear-capable missiles to the European border,
0:16:39 > 0:16:42which means they're in range of Berlin.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44That's your mob, isn't it, Henning?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Bring it on, then, mate.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48LAUGHTER
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Let's be having you.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53This is Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson taking on Russia
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- over the bombing of Syria.- Yeah.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58The Daily Star claims Putin is planning World War III
0:16:58 > 0:17:02and they offered a helpful map of the top nuclear targets in Europe.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Portsmouth?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06LAUGHTER
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Why are they bombing Dresden?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12- It's been done. - Yeah, that's what I thought.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Actually, Amsterdam's not a target,
0:17:14 > 0:17:18that's just the cloud of smoke that normally floats above it.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20One man who could save us from all this global turmoil
0:17:20 > 0:17:23is the newly appointed UN Secretary-General,
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Antonio Guterres.- Yes!- Although that does mean a sad goodbye
0:17:26 > 0:17:29to the wonderful Ban Ki-moon.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33# I'm making a list Checking it twice
0:17:33 > 0:17:35# Going to find out who's...
0:17:37 > 0:17:42# Going to find out who's...naughty or nice
0:17:44 > 0:17:49# Ban Ki-moon is coming to town. #
0:17:49 > 0:17:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:55 > 0:17:57It sounds like a kind of Wild West term, doesn't it?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- AMERICAN ACCENT:- "He won't come out in the desert tonight. It's a Ban Ki-moon."
0:18:01 > 0:18:04This is Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson taking on Russia
0:18:04 > 0:18:07over the bombing of Syria. A Russian firm has just launched
0:18:07 > 0:18:10a child bed in the shape of a missile-launcher.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13You just put it up in your child's bedroom
0:18:13 > 0:18:16and before you know it, he's annexed the bathroom.
0:18:18 > 0:18:23A Russian lawmaker and key ally of Vladimir Putin has told Americans...
0:18:27 > 0:18:29..which has left many Americans asking,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31just how bad can nuclear war be?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34And so to round two. It's the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40BUZZER
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Yes, Paul? - It's obviously Donald Trump.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You can't help but feel that his opponents have been keeping
0:18:44 > 0:18:48these leaked recorded messages back until they make maximum impact.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51There was another one just today about him making a remark
0:18:51 > 0:18:53about a ten-year-old girl on an escalator.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56"I'll be dating her in ten years' time," sort of thing.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59His attitude towards women is very much
0:18:59 > 0:19:01his attitude to the rest of humanity, really, I suppose.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03He's a dickhead.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Does that answer the question? - Fair enough, yeah.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17His basic problem is he's confusing the role of President of America
0:19:17 > 0:19:22with 1970s light entertainment comedian at the BBC.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24The fact that everyone's tolerated him up this moment,
0:19:24 > 0:19:26suddenly they've said,
0:19:26 > 0:19:30"Well, look, Donald Trump, he's awful, how could we have told?"
0:19:30 > 0:19:32"He's been campaigning for months and months
0:19:32 > 0:19:34"and we've never had any indication
0:19:34 > 0:19:37"that he might be thoroughly ghastly, in any number of ways.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40"I mean, how were we to know? This is unfair."
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I'm slightly disappointed how that's all developed.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48Like, now it's just, "Oh, yeah, but Clinton did this and that."
0:19:48 > 0:19:49It's boring, isn't it?
0:19:49 > 0:19:53I much preferred it when he still had his blue-sky thinking period.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58"Let's build a wall to Mexico and we make them pay for it
0:19:58 > 0:20:00"and Muslims aren't allowed in" and all that.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03That was a lot more entertaining,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06than harping on what Clinton did 20 years ago.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10I think that whole contest has gone down the pan, to be honest with you.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15The only highlight was, "If I win, I'll stick you in jail."
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Now, that was good.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20LAUGHTER
0:20:20 > 0:20:22At what point was it not ludicrous that the presenter
0:20:22 > 0:20:25of The Apprentice in America could become the commander-in-chief?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27It's like saying the presenter of Have I Got News For You
0:20:27 > 0:20:30could become...Foreign Secreta...
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Anyway, erm...
0:20:32 > 0:20:34LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I'm sure that loyalty will be rewarded.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Yes, Donald Trump has had a difficult week,
0:20:46 > 0:20:49he's finally said something even HE thinks he needs to apologise for.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Publication of a video showing him discussing preying upon
0:20:52 > 0:20:55married women and kissing and groping women without their consent.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Is it fair to judge someone on comments they made ten years ago?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02I mean, this is surely just youthful high jinks, from when he was...59.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05LAUGHTER
0:21:05 > 0:21:08But he was even condemned by his wife, wasn't he?
0:21:08 > 0:21:12Which is sort of pushing it, when the future First Lady says,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15"No, he's appalling!"
0:21:15 > 0:21:19To be fair, that was Michelle Obama's speech she just stole.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:21:21 > 0:21:23His supporters leapt to his defence.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25What sort of thing did they come up with?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27"We're too thick to know any different."
0:21:29 > 0:21:33Trump-loving radio host Bill Mitchell reassuringly tweeted...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41LAUGHTER
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Ian and Paul, you both know a lot about trains.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46How long does it take to change the tyres?
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Now, we mustn't forget about Hillary.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50What's the latest accusation that's been levelled at her?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- She's not Donald Trump. - No, that's her campaign.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- She's quite unpopular, isn't she? - She's incredibly lucky,
0:21:59 > 0:22:02there were some more e-mails this week released about Hillary,
0:22:02 > 0:22:04in which she'd gone to a private bankers' do and says,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07"Don't worry what I say in public, I think you guys are great
0:22:07 > 0:22:10"and the only people who know about banking is you."
0:22:10 > 0:22:14That's quite damning for a politician, but she's very lucky.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18This week, Donald has, literally, trumped it...
0:22:18 > 0:22:22by being the worst candidate ever recorded in electoral history...
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- Yes. - ..in any country, at any time...
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- ever.- In any contest.- And I'm including Vlad the Impaler's run.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Well, it's not quite a two-horse race,
0:22:32 > 0:22:34because there is a third option.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- Gary Johnson is the Libertarian candidate.- He's great.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40- Fingers crossed that he's the sensible choice.- Yes.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- Let's have a look at him in action.- He's great.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46What would you do, if you were elected, about Aleppo?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- About...?- Aleppo. - And what is Aleppo?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52LAUGHTER
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- You're kidding?- No. - Aleppo is in Syria.
0:22:56 > 0:23:01It's the epicentre of the refugee crisis...
0:23:01 > 0:23:03OK, got it, got it.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Why is he wearing an earpiece?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Cos obviously it's not connected to anything,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- cos otherwise somebody would have told him.- Mmm.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12That's not an earpiece, it's keeping his brain in.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17This is the news that Donald Trump has had another difficult week.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20There is one Briton who likes Donald Trump -
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Nigel Farage compared him to...
0:23:25 > 0:23:29Where's a trigger-happy zookeeper when you need one?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37BUZZER
0:23:37 > 0:23:41This is crazy, freaky clowns that are going around terrorising people.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- Yup.- But they've been coming a cropper, because some people
0:23:44 > 0:23:47are fighting back and, now, a man dressed as Batman is now
0:23:47 > 0:23:53being a vigilante, beating up people dressing up as clowns.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Yes, that's correct.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Let's look at the Daily Star's soothing map of where
0:23:57 > 0:23:59incidents have taken place so far.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- HENNING:- OK, most of that up north.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Where they've got bugger all else to do.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05LAUGHTER
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Can I become Foreign Secretary?
0:24:11 > 0:24:15So, from the clowns' point of view, what are the dangers of this craze?
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Well, people stop finding them funny.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Yes, true, but it could be more physically dangerous than that.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24- One clown was left with a bloodied nose...- A red nose?
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Yes. An actual red nose,
0:24:27 > 0:24:30after one of his victims head-butted him in revenge, saying...
0:24:35 > 0:24:38You've got a tattoo that says that, haven't you, Ian?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Yes, but to be fair, it is on his butler.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47It's on the butler, isn't it?
0:24:47 > 0:24:50It's a dangerous pursuit, scaring people, as we see...
0:24:50 > 0:24:54- Of course it is! - ..in this classic clip.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- Are you going trick-or-treating? - No, probably...
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Argh!
0:24:58 > 0:25:01LAUGHTER
0:25:03 > 0:25:06This is the news that people around the UK are dressing up
0:25:06 > 0:25:09as clowns to scare people. According to the Daily Star...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17He said he was from the Home Office Immigration Department.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21One local paper in Cornwall wrote about the sad case of Coz the Clown,
0:25:21 > 0:25:25who claimed the killer-clown craze could put him out of business.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Wah-wah-wah.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31LAUGHTER
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Four years at clown school.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- There were a spate of... - You should have done five.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40LAUGHTER
0:25:40 > 0:25:43There were a spate of sightings in Manchester,
0:25:43 > 0:25:46one of a clown with a chainsaw, whose grotesque features
0:25:46 > 0:25:48were terrifying passers-by,
0:25:48 > 0:25:52but it just turned out to be Mick Hucknall trimming his hedge.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Mick Hucknall?!
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Topical news quiz(!)
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05BUZZER
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Yes.- It's a Samsung phone. Galaxy 7 or something?
0:26:09 > 0:26:12It's catching fire. It's one of the things it's not meant to do.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14It's got a fire app on it.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16That's the right answer, basically.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19This is the news Samsung have scrapped its Galaxy Note 7
0:26:19 > 0:26:22after the phones keep exploding.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Why is this particularly damaging for Samsung?
0:26:25 > 0:26:28- Well, they're a phone company.- Yes.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30LAUGHTER
0:26:30 > 0:26:31And they make them.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38If you were a big bomb maker, it'd probably be good.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41They said last summer it was the batteries. But they've changed it
0:26:41 > 0:26:43and they said they shut down production
0:26:43 > 0:26:47and then brought it out again. And the phone still explodes.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Samsung have recalled their Galaxy Note 7 smartphone,
0:26:50 > 0:26:53which costs £739.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57And, literally, burns a hole in your pocket.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Samsung also supplied customers with
0:27:00 > 0:27:03an elaborate kit to return their phones, which included...
0:27:11 > 0:27:13And they thoughtfully provided...
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Or a hotline...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:27:24 > 0:27:26In other technology news,
0:27:26 > 0:27:30how could your house be able to understand you better?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Well, according to the Times, researchers at MIT have created
0:27:33 > 0:27:38a device that uses radio waves and algorithms to...
0:27:44 > 0:27:46You couldn't make it up.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- Your house thinks you're in a bad mood so it puts the kettle on?- Yeah.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Maybe if you're smashing stuff or shutting doors quickly or...
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- Smashing teacups up.- Yeah.- Putting the kettle on would just be
0:27:56 > 0:27:59an aggressive thing cos that would be a sarcastic remark on the fact...
0:27:59 > 0:28:01LAUGHTER
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I certainly would be in a right foul mood if all the white goods
0:28:04 > 0:28:05in the rest of the house,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08if they all lived their own life and would be doing things
0:28:08 > 0:28:11on their own account, with you asking them to do it.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- And you get the bill.- Yeah.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16You find out your fridge has been down a nightclub all night.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Dancing with the ladies.
0:28:19 > 0:28:24This is the best news for Apple since their last UK tax bill.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28The Galaxy Note 7 has introduced a new, innovative twist
0:28:28 > 0:28:30to smartphone technology,
0:28:30 > 0:28:33because if you're holding one when it explodes,
0:28:33 > 0:28:35you're the one that's hands-free.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37LAUGHTER
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Meanwhile, one data specialist...
0:28:39 > 0:28:43LAUGHTER AND SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Meanwhile, one data specialist has been tweeting about...
0:28:48 > 0:28:52We've all got one those. You just go, "Put the kettle on, love!"
0:28:52 > 0:28:56Could be a woman saying that, you sexists.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59Which means, at the end of this round, it's Ian and Henning on 2,
0:28:59 > 0:29:02- Paul and Ruth have got 5. - No! Outrageous.
0:29:02 > 0:29:06APPLAUSE
0:29:06 > 0:29:10Time now for the Odd One Out Round. Ian and Henning, your four are
0:29:10 > 0:29:12Ed Balls, Andy Murray,
0:29:12 > 0:29:15Mrs Troffea from 16th-century Strasbourg,
0:29:15 > 0:29:18and Black Lace singer Dene Michael.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20- It's got to be dancing.- Yes.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- Ed Balls is still on Strictly Come Dancing...- Still in there.
0:29:23 > 0:29:27..unless this is a repeat, in which case he won.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- The man from Black Lace... - Did they not invent the conga?
0:29:31 > 0:29:35They didn't invent the conga. Surely the conga had been going...
0:29:35 > 0:29:36right back.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39When did you start doing the conga, Ian?
0:29:39 > 0:29:44I think Ian has home movie footage of Lloyd George doing it, in 1921.
0:29:45 > 0:29:48- HENNING:- The painting has never danced.
0:29:48 > 0:29:50Was she put to death for dancing?
0:29:50 > 0:29:52Which one is the odd one out?
0:29:52 > 0:29:55Oh, yeah, we still haven't got that one solved.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Andy Murray is the odd one out,
0:29:57 > 0:30:00cos all the others have got involved in dancing and he hasn't.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Is the correct answer.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06They have all led a dance, apart from Andy Murray,
0:30:06 > 0:30:09who broke with years of tradition, by refusing to dance
0:30:09 > 0:30:12with Serena Williams at the Wimbledon Champions' Ball.
0:30:12 > 0:30:14What accident befell Murray, as he made his escape
0:30:14 > 0:30:16from the dance floor?
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Did his phone catch fire?
0:30:18 > 0:30:22- Did he trip and fall over? - Is the right answer. He said...
0:30:27 > 0:30:30According to the Telegraph, after his Wimbledon victory,
0:30:30 > 0:30:32Andy Murray partied into the night...
0:30:36 > 0:30:39Or "Nice Granny" as she's known.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Ed Balls has made it through to the third round of Strictly Come Dancing
0:30:44 > 0:30:47after winning the nation over with his samba.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49Balls told the Mail On Sunday:
0:30:54 > 0:30:56Which was all going fine, till he tripped over some miserable
0:30:56 > 0:31:01old bloke sitting on the floor, moaning about the lack of seats.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03You wonder why politicians
0:31:03 > 0:31:07see the need to be on any light entertainment formats.
0:31:12 > 0:31:13What is the appeal?
0:31:13 > 0:31:17If there only was someone here that could enlighten us.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20You should ask the Foreign Secretary that question.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:31:23 > 0:31:26I think he'd be excellent on Strictly Come Dancing, yes.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29Not the question I asked, but moving along.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31What nickname has Ed been given?
0:31:31 > 0:31:34- Glitter Balls.- That would be good. - Yeah.- It's actually slightly more
0:31:34 > 0:31:37unpleasant than that. The crew have started calling him...
0:31:39 > 0:31:41Since appearing on the show,
0:31:41 > 0:31:44Ed has lost half a stone, due to the intense training and strict diet
0:31:44 > 0:31:48and cutting out booze. Due to this, the BBC costume team have had to
0:31:48 > 0:31:53take his costume in by a couple of inches, hence Shrinking Balls.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57What tradition hasn't he got involved in? Dance tradition.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Donald Trump has done this, but not Ed.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01It's getting a spray tan.
0:32:01 > 0:32:05- Oh.- Oh, yes.- His partner Katya tried to convince him. Ed's main concern
0:32:05 > 0:32:07was the fact he'd have to wear...
0:32:10 > 0:32:12Ed Balls in paper knickers.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14Sleep well, everyone.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17LAUGHTER
0:32:17 > 0:32:21Is he planning to dance just in his underpants?
0:32:21 > 0:32:25If he's got paper knickers and he's got a Galaxy 7 phone...
0:32:25 > 0:32:27LAUGHTER
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Frau Troffea of Strasbourg was the first victim
0:32:30 > 0:32:32of the 1518 Dancing Plague.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35She began dancing in the street. According to parish records,
0:32:35 > 0:32:39within four days, she'd been joined by 33 others. And...
0:32:45 > 0:32:46Do you know what caused this mania?
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- Poison mushrooms. - Well, almost, yeah.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52The latest theory points to a poisonous ergot fungus.
0:32:52 > 0:32:56LAUGHTER
0:32:56 > 0:33:00It's only when I come on this programme, I realise I know stuff!
0:33:00 > 0:33:03- It's like an organic version of LSD.- Lovely.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06According to Wikipedia, the plague began in 1518,
0:33:06 > 0:33:09when Mrs Troffea began...
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Egged on by a young Mick Jagger.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16At the peak of the Strasbourg Dancing Plague,
0:33:16 > 0:33:20every 12 hours seven people died from exhaustion.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23Or to put that in modern terms...
0:33:23 > 0:33:25SEVEN!
0:33:25 > 0:33:27LAUGHTER
0:33:27 > 0:33:29Black Lace singer Dene Michael Betteridge
0:33:29 > 0:33:33revealed that, during his time in prison, he led a 60-man conga line
0:33:33 > 0:33:35- around the prison yard.- I know their records were pretty bad,
0:33:35 > 0:33:37but I didn't know he'd been sent to prison.
0:33:37 > 0:33:42Doing the conga in prison. It's less a dance, more a trust exercise.
0:33:42 > 0:33:45I'd like to be the one right at the back, to be honest.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Black Lace's albums include...
0:34:02 > 0:34:05And after the court case - Guilty Party.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08- Ruth and Paul, here are yours.- Yes.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10People called Gary, the Bullingdon Club,
0:34:10 > 0:34:12the Japanese in the year 3776,
0:34:12 > 0:34:14and Diego, the giant tortoise.
0:34:14 > 0:34:18Gary, I think, there's a preponderance of Garys,
0:34:18 > 0:34:19it's become quite a popular name.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22The Bullingdon Club is going out of fashion
0:34:22 > 0:34:25- cos they can't get anyone in, so that's demise.- OK, yes.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28They're all dying out except the tortoise.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Is the correct answer, yes.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34APPLAUSE
0:34:34 > 0:34:36They are all on the verge of extinction
0:34:36 > 0:34:38except Diego, the giant tortoise,
0:34:38 > 0:34:42- who has almost singlehandedly saved his species from oblivion.- Ah.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46Can anyone guess how many offspring Diego has fathered?
0:34:46 > 0:34:49- 872.- Yeah.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Very, very close to the right answer.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55In total 2,000 new tortoises have been released from a breeding centre
0:34:55 > 0:34:59and they estimate that 800 of these babies have come from Diego.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- Go on, Diego.- So he's father to at least 40% of the island.
0:35:03 > 0:35:04Yeah, get stuck in.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06LAUGHTER
0:35:06 > 0:35:09The name Gary is apparently on the way out.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13According to the Office of National Statistics...
0:35:13 > 0:35:16All with the surname Barlow, all in the Cayman Islands.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20LAUGHTER
0:35:20 > 0:35:23What name is more popular than Gary in the UK,
0:35:23 > 0:35:27with 32 baby boys and girls sharing that name?
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Lesley.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31River Rocket.
0:35:31 > 0:35:32Adolf.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34LAUGHTER
0:35:34 > 0:35:36Accident. Mistake.
0:35:36 > 0:35:40Liberty. Freedom.
0:35:40 > 0:35:44- How many babies? - 32, both boys and girls.
0:35:44 > 0:35:45- Both being called this. - Francis.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48- 32 babies have been called...- Hillary.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52That isn't a name. That isn't a name, that shouldn't be allowed.
0:35:52 > 0:35:5532 people were called it last year. A German couple named their son
0:35:56 > 0:35:58after one of the biggest news stories of the year.
0:35:58 > 0:36:01Do you know what the baby was called?
0:36:01 > 0:36:02- Brexit.- Yes!
0:36:02 > 0:36:04They did not.
0:36:04 > 0:36:07And 15 babies were named after a British politician last year.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10- Any idea who?- Boris. No. Although he might be the father, though.
0:36:10 > 0:36:12LAUGHTER
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- Corbyn.- Corbyn is the right answer. There were 15 Corbyns.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18One reason the Bullingdon Club is dying out
0:36:18 > 0:36:21is that the official uniform costs over £3,000.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24Another is that, if you want to eat a meal while surrounded by people
0:36:24 > 0:36:26fighting and smashing up furniture,
0:36:26 > 0:36:28it's cheaper to go to a Wetherspoons.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:36:31 > 0:36:33Time now for the Missing Words Round,
0:36:33 > 0:36:37which this week features as its guest publication, FishPal.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40FishPal! Pals of fish!
0:36:40 > 0:36:42On the subject of fish, we would like to make an apology.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45In last week's show, Nick Clegg told you that Dr Steve Simpson received
0:36:45 > 0:36:49£300,000 to study whether cod had regional accents.
0:36:49 > 0:36:54This was wrong. Dr Simpson carries out this research for own enjoyment
0:36:54 > 0:36:56and the greater good of humanity.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Serves us right for trusting Nick Clegg.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01We start with...
0:37:05 > 0:37:08- HENNING:- White heterosexual men.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17Salmon. Fish. Haddock. Bream.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18Brown trout!
0:37:21 > 0:37:24This is an article from FishPal about the brown trout winning a vote
0:37:24 > 0:37:28to become Britain's favourite fish. Next:
0:37:31 > 0:37:33- HENNING:- Casually.
0:37:37 > 0:37:39No, the answer is:
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Oh, yes.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45According to reports, the German set off from the French coast,
0:37:45 > 0:37:48trying to get across the Channel to Britain.
0:37:48 > 0:37:53You didn't manage it in 1941, Fritz, you're not doing it now.
0:37:53 > 0:37:54Boring!
0:37:54 > 0:37:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:37:57 > 0:37:58Next:
0:38:00 > 0:38:02HENNING LAUGHS
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Britain and the European Union.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10- No.- Steve Watson and cod.
0:38:10 > 0:38:11Getting closer.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13John Watson and cod.
0:38:13 > 0:38:15That's so good I've got to give it to you.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Next:
0:38:24 > 0:38:28A really successful Tory Party Conference.
0:38:28 > 0:38:29The answer is...
0:38:35 > 0:38:37- You don't think that's true? You don't agree with that?- No.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39Absolutely rubbish. Especially mine.
0:38:39 > 0:38:42- Where do you live?- Legoland.
0:38:42 > 0:38:45LAUGHTER
0:38:45 > 0:38:46Next:
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Man's intimidating trousers
0:38:51 > 0:38:54cause consternation in local village.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57- That was pretty much it, yeah. - Oh, no, it can't be!
0:39:01 > 0:39:03This is a county council meeting where one councillor's trousers
0:39:03 > 0:39:06were called intimidating. Here he is.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Mr Dowson says he owns 41 pairs of camouflage trousers.
0:39:11 > 0:39:16He needs that many because they're very difficult to find.
0:39:16 > 0:39:17Next:
0:39:21 > 0:39:24When he wrote Halibut Prince Of Denmark.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Er...Pilchard III.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30- Midsummer Night's Bream.- Oh!
0:39:30 > 0:39:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:32 > 0:39:34The answer is:
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- This is Shakespeare, the rod company...- Ah!
0:39:41 > 0:39:43..as featured in FishPal magazine.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46- Shakespeare and fishing have got quite a lot in common.- Here we go.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49You sit around for hours getting bored and, then, everyone dies.
0:39:51 > 0:39:52And, finally:
0:39:55 > 0:39:57There's no word missing.
0:40:00 > 0:40:01No, the answer is:
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Here is the cheeky mutt.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14The incident happened at the Vatican as the Pope met with members
0:40:14 > 0:40:16of the Dog Agility Group.
0:40:16 > 0:40:19The Pope blessed the dogs, by making the sign of the cross
0:40:19 > 0:40:21and, after one of them defecated on his shoes,
0:40:21 > 0:40:24he made the sign of the very cross.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29So, the final scores are - Ian and Henning have 5
0:40:29 > 0:40:32but Paul and Ruth are this week's winners, with 9.
0:40:32 > 0:40:33Well done.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:40:38 > 0:40:42But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.
0:40:43 > 0:40:47- RUTH:- Theresa May going, "Now, that's what I call a hard Brexit."
0:40:47 > 0:40:50LAUGHTER
0:40:55 > 0:40:57On which note, we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:57 > 0:40:59and Henning Wehn, Paul Merton and Ruth Davidson.
0:40:59 > 0:41:03And I leave you with the news that senior figures in the Labour Party
0:41:03 > 0:41:07hierarchy deny that MPs disloyal to the leader are being abused.
0:41:10 > 0:41:13In Cornwall, one pensioner struggles to understand why he's not
0:41:13 > 0:41:15getting any reception on his phone.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24And as more revelations about BHS emerge, Philip Green poses
0:41:24 > 0:41:28for a photoshoot, in a doomed attempt to show he's not a prick.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:41:36 > 0:41:37Good night.