0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is an issue, gang. I'm sorry. I couldn't find any tissues.
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- So I apologise.- Would you like a clean handkerchief?- It's linen...!
0:00:10 > 0:00:13I'm afraid to say, constituents often cry in my surgery.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15So I find it very useful to have a clean handkerchief.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19- I can imagine that so clearly. - I thought you might.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26This programme contains some strong language
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Mel Giedroyc.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04And in the news this week, on a well-deserved break in Tenerife,
0:01:04 > 0:01:08Sports Direct's Mike Ashley dives effortlessly into his swimming pool.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20At Chevening House, as Boris Johnson, Liam Fox and David Davis
0:01:20 > 0:01:23all bring their pets for the weekend,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25it's a tough day for the local dog walker.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37And at his constituency in Tatton,
0:01:37 > 0:01:39George Osborne denies he's still obsessed with austerity
0:01:39 > 0:01:42as he makes a few adjustments to the village Christmas tree.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55On Ian's team tonight is a Conservative MP who, in 2007,
0:01:55 > 0:01:59married Helena de Chair, who I believe was one of a set of six.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Please welcome Jacob Rees-Mogg, MP.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12And with Paul tonight is creator and star of Citizen Khan,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15the funniest thing to come out of Birmingham
0:02:15 > 0:02:17since the estimated completion date of HS2.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- Please welcome Adil Ray. - Thank you.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28And we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29Paul and Adil, take a look at this.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- PAUL:- It's Theresa May.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33That's the House of Commons a long time ago.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36The England cricket team. There we are.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39And they are setting fire to the EU fire regulations.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42There she is again.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- There was a judge asleep there. - There was a sleeping judge there.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49That's an appalling slur, right at the top of the show.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52The suggestion that it was so dull in court he'd be asleep...
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Don't you think that's appalling? - Indeed. I'm shocked.- Good.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58LAUGHTER
0:02:58 > 0:03:01The wigs are very hot, though. So maybe he was just having a quick...
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Are they usually wide-awake, the judges you appear in front of?
0:03:05 > 0:03:11LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:11 > 0:03:13In the Supreme Court, they don't wear wigs.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15They are rather modern in the Supreme Court.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- They just where ordinary clothes. - They come as The Supremes.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21LAUGHTER
0:03:21 > 0:03:24This is the news that Parliament backed Theresa May
0:03:24 > 0:03:27to trigger the Brexit processed by the end of March next year.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32The papers seemed pretty clear. The Telegraph had...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34The Eye had...
0:03:37 > 0:03:38The Express went with...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43While the headlines on the 10 o'clock news
0:03:43 > 0:03:45on the British Bremoaning Corporation
0:03:45 > 0:03:48on Wednesday didn't even Bremention it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52So who was this a victory for, Labour or the government?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54- What do we think? - Oh, huge victory for the government.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56A triumph for the Conservative Party,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58for Mrs May and the Chief Whip.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00LAUGHTER
0:04:00 > 0:04:02This is the post-truth era.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06It was a bit of a climb-down, though, wasn't it,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08to say, "I'm not going to tell you the plan."
0:04:08 > 0:04:11And then say, "Well, we will tell you the plan."
0:04:11 > 0:04:13We've been told the plan. We are leaving the European Union.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Brexit means Brexit. And...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18No, that's the aim. What's the plan?
0:04:18 > 0:04:22That's what happens at the end of a two-year process.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24That is it. We leave.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26And it's been very clear from the other side,
0:04:26 > 0:04:30from Mr Tusk and Mr Barnier, that we can't cherry-pick,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33that there is no such thing as hard Brexit or soft Brexit,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36there's either Brexit or remaining in the European Union.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38But Mrs May uses this metaphor of a cliff edge.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40And that was your leader.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43That was her own metaphor, "We don't want to go over the cliff edge."
0:04:43 > 0:04:45She used a better metaphor,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47so you'd have "a red white and blue Brexit",
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- which is the one I prefer.- Right.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- So you're cherry-picking her metaphors.- I am, yes.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Let's have a little look.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Is it hard, soft? Is it grey, white?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Actually, we want a red, white and blue Brexit.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06That is the right Brexit for the United Kingdom.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Hang on a minute, no mention of brown there.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I know what she's up to.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16It's a wonderful patriotic way of putting it.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20We all understand exactly what she means. She's going to go...
0:05:20 > 0:05:24into these negotiations, like Boadicea on her chariot and is going to
0:05:24 > 0:05:27come back with a fine success for the United Kingdom.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- What, with the knives going there? - LAUGHTER
0:05:31 > 0:05:34How did the Star make this story more fun,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37while not exactly making it any clearer?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- Theresa May with her kit off. - Oh...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Almost, yes. Yes, almost.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Have a little look at this.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47We go up the body, Geri, Geri... Theresa.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I didn't see anything like that in the Financial Times.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56But then, they are terrible Remainers.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Well, people who know what they're talking about
0:05:58 > 0:05:59with the financial markets.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03APPLAUSE
0:06:03 > 0:06:06But, Jacob, am I right in saying that you wanted
0:06:06 > 0:06:10a hard, white Brexit with a runny yolk.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- You're absolutely right, yes. - Is that right?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15You're absolutely spot on. I think that's how we should have it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17We should have an absolutely solid and clear Brexit,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19but we should be generous to our European friends,
0:06:19 > 0:06:20as far as we possibly can be.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22When you knock the top off your egg of a morning, Jacob,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25are you a peeler or are you a slicer?
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Do you know, I'm all in favour of Brexit, I never have breakfast.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- So I can't really... - Brexfast.- Or Brexfast.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- ADIL:- His butler does it, come on.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36You're asking the wrong person.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Perhaps he doesn't walk around in daylight.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40LAUGHTER
0:06:44 > 0:06:47We've covered that. It's all right, we'll carry on. Good. Excellent.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50- I love this, it's brisk. - Yes. Bloody brisk.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Have you got somewhere to go?
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- I do, actually.- Channel 4.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Now, the Daily Mail insisted that it was right to discuss
0:07:05 > 0:07:08the 11 Supreme Court judges' backgrounds. And why not?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Given that they will be passing judgment on what will be an issue
0:07:12 > 0:07:15that affects the lives of everyone in the country, here they are.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Here are the 11 judges.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21Er...that looks like a picture of your stag party, Jacob.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Nine went to Oxbridge, nine went to public school,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28two of which are old Etonians and there is one woman.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- What, only two old Etonians? - I'm afraid so, Jacob.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33LAUGHTER
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Most of them are in prison these days, so...
0:07:36 > 0:07:37LAUGHTER
0:07:37 > 0:07:41What's the official title of the government's lead QC,
0:07:41 > 0:07:43James Eadie, do you know?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Jimmy.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- Jimmy Eadie.- LIVERPUDDLIAN ACCENT: - How you doin', Jimmy?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50All right, are ya? Not too bad, you know,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53now I've become like aa top lawyer an' all that.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Is it Treasury Counsel or some title like that?
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Treasury is correct, but he's got another little...- Treasury Tag.- No.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Treasury...- Chest. Treasury Deer. - Treasury Devil.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Is absolutely right. Well done, Jacob.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Now, who is everyone's favourite judge?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Who's proving to really be the kind of star of the Supreme Court,
0:08:13 > 0:08:15certainly on social media?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Judge Rinder. - LAUGHTER
0:08:18 > 0:08:20APPLAUSE
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- There's another one, though. - Is there?- Jonathan Sumption.- Yes!
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Shall we have a look at him? He's got very lovely hair.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32And yes, he's got a big brain. Look at that forehead!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34He's written the authoritative history of the Hundred Years' War
0:08:34 > 0:08:38at the same time as being a very leading legal figure.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40He is a most extraordinarily clever man.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43How does he keep his head going up like that?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Well...- That's amazing!- He's got a hairdryer up his trousers.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48LAUGHTER
0:08:48 > 0:08:51That's what he tells the wife anyway.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53This court case, of course, is pretty momentous.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56It's all been extremely exciting.
0:08:56 > 0:09:01- Shall we have a look at the riveting workings of the Supreme Court?- Yeah.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Sadly, we're not actually allowed to show you any footage from the court,
0:09:04 > 0:09:07but do you think it'd be possible to sort of stage our own
0:09:07 > 0:09:08repertory theatre Crown Court here?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I'd fight anybody who said we couldn't do it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12All right, good.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I've got some scripts here.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16- Paul, I'd very much like you to be Lord Pannick.- Lord Pannick.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Adil, please will you take the part of Lord Clarke?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Jacob, I'd like you to be Lady Hale, please.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25And, Ian, please, the President.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27No expense spared here on Have I Got News For You.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30We've got wigs, we've got ruddy wigs.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33I know, Jacob, you said they don't have wigs in the Supreme Court.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36- They don't.- But tonight they do. Just go with it, Jacob.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39So two comedy judge wigs for you.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43Now, of course, we need a...
0:09:43 > 0:09:45APPLAUSE
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Which way do they go on?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I'm afraid I'm not wearing a wig.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52AUDIENCE: Awww!
0:09:52 > 0:09:55Come on! Wig! Wig! Wig!
0:09:55 > 0:09:58AUDIENCE CHANTS: Wig! Wig! Wig! Wig!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01CHANTING AND CLAPPING CONTINUES
0:10:01 > 0:10:03I'm not wearing a wig for the very obvious reason I'm a Tory
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- and I can't therefore wear a "Whig". - Awww!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'll happily put it on the desk in front of me.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09All right, my love.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12That's good, that's good. Well done, Adil. See, Adil's wearing a wig.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16I'm wearing a wig. They accuse people like me of not integrating.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19- High Court judge! - APPLAUSE
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I've reached the top.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Stop! In the name of love...
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Where's Diana gone? Where's she gone?
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Paul, I very much like the way one flap is sort of back
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- and one is forward.- It's deliberate.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40It's very alluring, it's very alluring.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Flirting.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Ian, we've got the President for you.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Who is the President?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Oh, sorry, I said, "Could we get a President wig?" I think...
0:10:48 > 0:10:49It's Trump, isn't it?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51They might... APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:54There's been a bit of a mix-up at the wig store. Sorry, Ian.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Catch. Catch.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Jacob...
0:10:57 > 0:10:58AUDIENCE BOOS
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Oh, what, just because Jacob's not wearing a wig,
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Ian's not going to wear one, either?
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- Well...- Oh.- I think we've won this round already.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08It's amazing the number of people
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- who think they've got dignity to lose, isn't it?- Exactly!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13APPLAUSE
0:11:13 > 0:11:16APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:11:16 > 0:11:21Now, it's about the pronunciation of the name in an old case.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24OK, lovely, so...
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Gents, let the drama begin, my darlings.- I'll kick off, shall I?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29POSH ELDERLY VOICE:
0:11:42 > 0:11:43"De Kee-ser."
0:11:44 > 0:11:45"I will call it De Kee-ser."
0:11:48 > 0:11:50"You say De Kee-ser, I say De Kai-ser."
0:11:52 > 0:11:54IN ACCENT:
0:11:57 > 0:11:58APPLAUSE
0:12:01 > 0:12:02Very strong.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Oh, ladies and gentlemen, rounds of applause.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I tell you what, if we keep these on, they'll have to use it.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- They won't be able to cut it out. - Exactly.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18We've got 'em on now.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21You should have thought of that before you handed out the props.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Way-hay! Look at this!
0:12:23 > 0:12:24We've having a party.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29The Supreme Court panel includes Baroness Hale and ten lords,
0:12:29 > 0:12:32for whom this is a particularly busy time of year,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34as they have a lot of a-leaping to do.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45APPLAUSE
0:12:47 > 0:12:50One of the Supreme Court judges is Lord Clarke
0:12:50 > 0:12:52of...
0:12:54 > 0:12:57..which I can only assume is some public school version
0:12:57 > 0:12:58of rock-paper-scissors.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01APPLAUSE
0:13:01 > 0:13:03(I think we were right not to wear the wigs.)
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- I think you're right.- Jacob, what did you whisper just then?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Something about the wigs?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I said I thought the two of us were right not to wear the wigs.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11They're still here if you change your mind.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14You know, it wouldn't be beyond the wit of the production team
0:13:14 > 0:13:16just to sort of have a photograph of you
0:13:16 > 0:13:18and just sort of computer Photoshop the wig on top.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22But the BBC wouldn't behave in such a disgraceful way.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Well, I've given them half an hour's warning.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28APPLAUSE
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Ian and Jacob, take a look at this.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Ah, this is a by-election being held today.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I don't think he's won.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38That's the Lib Dems. That's a fish, he's not a Lib Dem.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40And that's Zac.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42"Something fishy here," says the fish.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46- "I thought- I- had a bad day."
0:13:48 > 0:13:50By-elections -
0:13:50 > 0:13:53we had one last week where very sadly Zac Goldsmith lost his seat
0:13:53 > 0:13:56and we've got one in Sleaford and North Hykeham today.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59We will have the result by the time this is being watched.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01And I expect it'll be a gigantic victory for Conservatism
0:14:01 > 0:14:04and therefore a day of rejoicing and song.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It was a big Tory majority that was overturned, though, wasn't it?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Yeah, in Richmond.- We didn't have a candidate in Richmond.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13Zac was standing as an independent.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Why didn't the Tories have a Tory candidate?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19- Um, why didn't the Tories have a Tory candidate?- That's what I asked.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Yes, um...
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Because we thought it might reduce Zac's chances of winning.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26But why did you want him to win?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27He'd just said, "I resign."
0:14:27 > 0:14:30Because he had been a Conservative before
0:14:30 > 0:14:32and, to be perfectly honest, we didn't want the Lib Dems to win,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35which was a worse result than an independent winning
0:14:35 > 0:14:37and sadly that worse result came to pass.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- Sort of in spades, really. - Well, not really -
0:14:40 > 0:14:43they've gone from eight to nine in the House of Commons,
0:14:43 > 0:14:45which I don't think is going to change the world much.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47- Zac lost for the second time in a year.- Yeah.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- It's not a good year for him, was it?- He's had a heck of a year.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Of course, he lost the London mayoral election to Sadiq Khan
0:14:53 > 0:14:55after a campaign that involved
0:14:55 > 0:14:58a little bit of scaremongering about Muslims.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01And who else became embroiled in this issue this week?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Oh, yes, the American author
0:15:04 > 0:15:07who said that London is becoming Islamic.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Yes.- Yes, yes.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Janie Johnson is her name and she tweeted this...
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Now, Janie's tweet was met with a variety of responses.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30APPLAUSE
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Yep.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35That is now known as the "Burqin".
0:15:35 > 0:15:36- The "Burqin"?- Yep.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Somebody else responded to Janie...
0:15:49 > 0:15:51APPLAUSE
0:15:53 > 0:15:56The Labour candidate in Richmond lost his deposit.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Do you know any of the issues that he is big on?
0:15:59 > 0:16:03One of them was not getting anyone to vote for him.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06That became quite a big issue.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08There are more members of the Labour Party in Richmond
0:16:08 > 0:16:10than people who voted for him, which is quite poor
0:16:10 > 0:16:13if you can't even get your own members to vote for you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15According to The Telegraph...
0:16:20 > 0:16:25Probably needed toilet paper when he saw his results coming through.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Does he champion the bidet?
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Oh, I don't like a bidet.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- Don't you? - I don't, no.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Two days before D-Day, did you know that?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36It's true.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38True story.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42I don't know. Jacob, how do you feel about a bidet?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Is it non-you, is it a bit non-you?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Very Continental.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48LAUGHTER
0:16:48 > 0:16:51What you think Zac might do with all this free time that
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- he's suddenly got?- Well, I hope he'll come back into politics.
0:16:55 > 0:16:59- He looks a bit broken, though, Jacob.- Oh, he's made of tough stuff.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02No, he's got... like his father, he'll bounce back.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06It'll be really hard for him to go back to those millions and his big house.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Really tough for him. How will he survive?
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- His father was always sueing you. - Yes.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Your predecessor, more accurately.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14His father wanted Private Eye to be shut down.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- He tried a criminal libel action. - He did!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19You've got a very good memory for these things.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23I don't take it personally, I just hope he...
0:17:23 > 0:17:25is never seen again.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27LAUGHTER
0:17:27 > 0:17:31Zac may want to follow in the footsteps of highly respected former
0:17:31 > 0:17:35leading lights of their parties, Ed Balls and Michael Portillo.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Have a little look at this.
0:17:36 > 0:17:41These words were first sung by Chancellor Norman Lamont after he screwed the economy.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46There they go. Happy, happy people.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51Happy smiling people. Just hope they know the way out.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54Yes, there they go.
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- Did they actually hear the music? - I don't know! I don't know.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03What was Michael Portillo doing?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06He looked like a sort of weird donkey, didn't he?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08His legs were all over the shop.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Who did we learn is quite thin-skinned this week?
0:18:12 > 0:18:13- Boris Johnson? - Yeah.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Ministers have been ordered to stop making jokes about him
0:18:16 > 0:18:18in a bid to banish his...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Do you think people might take Mr Johnson more seriously
0:18:25 > 0:18:28if he actually learnt to dress himself properly?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Have a look at this.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35I think that is exactly the attire
0:18:35 > 0:18:40you would expect a dashing young foreign secretary to have.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Give us an approximation of where your tie goes down to tonight.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Is it a little short job or is it a low-slung...?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51My...tie goes to a suitable level for a tie to go.
0:18:51 > 0:18:52LAUGHTER
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Are we still talking about ties? - We're talking about ties.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00But that is ludicrous.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a long tie.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04It's more of a noose, really, isn't it?
0:19:07 > 0:19:11Now, Jacob, you supported Boris for the leadership, didn't you?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- Yes, great man. - Until he was...
0:19:16 > 0:19:19And very popular on Have I Got News For You?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22You supported Boris until he was stabbed in the back by Michael Gove,
0:19:22 > 0:19:25then you supported Gove until he was knocked out.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26Then you supported Andrea Leadsom.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Presumably that was, kind of, just for a laugh.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34In any case, are you really a fan of Mrs May and the chief whips?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Oh, absolutely. There is, um...greater zeal in a convert
0:19:37 > 0:19:40than there is in somebody who starts off down the road,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43though I certainly accept that my predictions
0:19:43 > 0:19:47during the Conservative leadership campaign were not always correct.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You see, you can do the diplomacy thing,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52whereas Boris really can't do it, can he?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Yes.- Oh, I don't know. I think he's marvellous.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- A jolly good fellow. - You're just being silly now.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58No, I'm not, I'm not.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I think he's a great representative for the country on the world stage.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03People want to meet Boris, they're interested in him.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05They want to be offended by him, they want to...
0:20:05 > 0:20:07The row today is that he said something
0:20:07 > 0:20:09that most people know to be true.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11So I can't see why people should be too upset.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- I think the shock...- But then Mrs May said it wasn't true!
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Then Mrs May said it didn't fully represent government policy,
0:20:16 > 0:20:21- that's a different thing. - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:20:24 > 0:20:27This is the Sleaford and North Hykeham by-election
0:20:27 > 0:20:29that's happening as we speak. As has become tradition,
0:20:29 > 0:20:31the by-election featured three joke candidates
0:20:31 > 0:20:33who stood for the Monster Raving Loony Party,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36the Bus-pass Elvis Party, and the Labour Party.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40According to The Times, the Green Party were offered £250,000
0:20:40 > 0:20:42to sit out the Richmond by-election, but...
0:20:45 > 0:20:49..as it was going to be paid in meat-based fivers.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53According to a recent review of social integration,
0:20:53 > 0:20:56newcomers to this country could soon be made to swear an oath
0:20:56 > 0:20:59that encourages immigrants...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01..which these days presumably goes,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04"I do solemnly swear to shout at myself on buses
0:21:04 > 0:21:06"and tell myself to piss off back where I came from."
0:21:06 > 0:21:09And onwards to Round Two.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12Oh, I love this one. The Picture Spin Quiz.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:21:17 > 0:21:18BELL RINGS
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- That's Mark Carney.- Yes. - The governor of the Bank of England,
0:21:21 > 0:21:24who says we shouldn't worry about anything we're worrying about
0:21:24 > 0:21:27at the moment because all our jobs will be taken over by robots.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28You are bang-on.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32All these robots coming over here, taking our jobs.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Jobs meant for us Pakistanis.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I remember Harold Macmillan saying exactly the same thing.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40"Jobs for us Pakistanis"?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- LAUGHTER - I knew it!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Andy Haldane, the Bank's chief economist,
0:21:47 > 0:21:49did have some slightly reassuring news.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53What jobs did he deem safe from the robo-invasion?
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Robot-making jobs.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- They're going to do well.- Good. - They're going to do really well.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Undertakers.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- Ooh, kind of...- You don't want to be buried by robots, do you?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06- ROBOTIC VOICE:- You will be sadly missed.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07LAUGHTER
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Hairdressers. - Yes! Hairdressers, Ian.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Oh, you're kidding.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- ..apparently. - Well, nannies are indestructible.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24Why might robots not be an immediate threat if you work in a laundry?
0:22:24 > 0:22:28They're allergic to steam. Rusts them up.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Good, we should all get into water-based industries.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- ROBOTIC VOICE:- I have a superior intelligence,
0:22:33 > 0:22:35but it's steam. I cannot take this steam.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39You're really enjoying that character, Paul, aren't you?
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- You're really good at robots. - Well, there's a reason for that...
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Go on, then.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49IMITATING DALEK: Can you do a Dalek?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Brex-terminate!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Jacob, come on. Robot! Robot! Robot!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Jacob, we've all done them.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02RHYTHMIC CLAPPING Come on, Jacob.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03I would if I could, but I can't.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- ADIL:- That was brilliant! - LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:12 > 0:23:21according to BBC News,Panasonic have invested60 millionand10 yearsin developing the...
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Yeah! It's...
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- That's a long time!- 10 minutes?! - I know!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35The NHS has already started using robots.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39A robot is replacing the NHS's only registered...
0:23:43 > 0:23:48The NHS used to employ one man - one man -
0:23:48 > 0:23:51to offer up his rectum to teach students
0:23:51 > 0:23:53how to carry out examinations.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56He is being replaced by a...
0:23:59 > 0:24:01And here it is.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03CRIES OF DISGUST
0:24:03 > 0:24:06- ADIL:- What's that?! What is that bit between his legs?!
0:24:06 > 0:24:09We're all thinking that, aren't we?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12What is that?! Is it the end of Boris Johnson's tie?
0:24:12 > 0:24:13LAUGHTER
0:24:17 > 0:24:20That patient is beyond having his rectum examined. Look at him.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22He's got no legs, no torso.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25What's up his arse is the least of his troubles.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Does it make the noise?
0:24:27 > 0:24:28AARGH!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Or... Mm!
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Oh, you'll have to take me out for dinner now.
0:24:38 > 0:24:43Now, which politician have some people suggested might actually be a robot?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- Dr Liam Fox.- No.- No?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49He's got wires coming out of the back of his head.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Hillary Clinton. Mainly because she claps like this.
0:25:00 > 0:25:05If that was a pair of cymbals she'd be doing really well in the 1812 Overture.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Yes, although Michael Gove has also been under some suspicion.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12At least from Laura Swift on Twitter,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15since she noticed his human suit malfunctioning.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Yes, this is Mark Carney's warning
0:25:26 > 0:25:29that 15 million jobs may be at risk from robots.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Just Eat has delivered its first takeaway using a delivery droid.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36The customer was delighted with the service until he failed to tip
0:25:36 > 0:25:39and the droid vaporised his house with a thermo laser.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43Meanwhile, a robot has gone berserk, injuring bystanders
0:25:43 > 0:25:46at a Chinese tech fair. Here is the robot.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51It looks like someone's thrown one of Little Mix into a flip-top bin.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Fingers on buzzers, please.- Yeah, absolutely.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- There we go.- Person Of The Year.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Oh, yes, Time magazine, you're right.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08As if the year hadn't been bad enough.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12And it's very prestigious. There were a huge number of people up for the award.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17- Nigel Farage was one of them. - Farage was up. There are small mercies.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- Do you know who else was in the running?- No, anyone. Well,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23death, famine, war, plague...
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- He reminds me a bit of Vladimir Putin.- Putin was up?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Yeah, Putin was up for it. Nigel Farage and...
0:26:31 > 0:26:36What has Trump previously said about Time magazine in a tweet?
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- Oh, tell us.- Well, in 2013 he tweeted...
0:26:47 > 0:26:53And even last year Trump tweeted in response to Angela Merkel winning...
0:26:59 > 0:27:04Now, to be fair, Time has not exactly been very consistent with Trump either.
0:27:04 > 0:27:08How have they previously covered him, do you know?
0:27:08 > 0:27:09Honestly.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14They've been rather put off by some of his antics.
0:27:14 > 0:27:19They have indeed. Here's their cover from August.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23Here's this week.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30What have people been noticing about this image of Trump on the cover of Time?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Do you notice anything there?
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- Oh, do you think it's a subtle devil joke?- Exactamundo.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39They think the M has given Donald horns.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42There you go. And how did Time explain that?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46"Incredible accident. We don't really pay a lot of attention to what's on the cover.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49"The person taking the photograph wasn't the person designing the background.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53"They should have met, but they didn't really and we thought we'd get away with it."
0:27:53 > 0:27:57They said it was a common occurrence. Everyone from Margaret Thatcher...
0:28:04 > 0:28:08Donald Trump is a controversial choice, but being chosen as Times Person Of The Year
0:28:08 > 0:28:10isn't necessarily an endorsement.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13The award has previously gone to some of the most notorious figures in history,
0:28:13 > 0:28:17including Hitler, Stalin and Bono.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Donald Trump has risked offending China with a series of late-night tweets.
0:28:21 > 0:28:25Tensions between the President- elect and China could lead to a diplomatic incident.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28If Trump ever visits Beijing, there are fears that the Chinese
0:28:28 > 0:28:32might grab the bird's nest off his head and turn it into soup.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36Fingers very much on buzzers, please, teams.
0:28:41 > 0:28:45This is about the Turner Prize, isn't it?
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Yeah. Spot-on.
0:28:47 > 0:28:52It's the news that a massive arse has just missed out on winning the Turner Prize.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55So what did win?
0:28:55 > 0:28:58- A sort of collection of bits all stuck together.- Yes.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00It's basically a load of old rubbish.
0:29:00 > 0:29:04Same as every year, sure, sure, but this year it was on purpose.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07Macclesfield born artist Helen Marten
0:29:07 > 0:29:10carefully arranges objects from everyday life, including...
0:29:14 > 0:29:18..to create sculptural poems like this.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20Does that speak to you, Jacob? Do you like that?
0:29:20 > 0:29:23It doesn't speak to me.
0:29:23 > 0:29:25- ADIL:- It's a bit Blue Peter, isn't it?
0:29:25 > 0:29:29- JACOB:- But I think you need the one that was made earlier. - WOMAN GROANS
0:29:29 > 0:29:33She loved that over there! Clearly supported you.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Mrs Rees Mogg, welcome! Hi!
0:29:40 > 0:29:45Now, Michael Gove certainly was not impressed. What did he tweet?
0:29:45 > 0:29:49He thinks it's all rubbish and ugly and gloomy and so on.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51He said in his tweet...
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Hard to pull off, I think, cultural snobbery,
0:30:02 > 0:30:05when you're tweeting like a total #unt. Now...
0:30:05 > 0:30:07LAUGHTER
0:30:07 > 0:30:11Gove also thought that the prize was a celebration, albeit a celebration of...
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Come on, Mike, things are going to pick up.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22Shall we have a little look at some of the other entries?
0:30:22 > 0:30:26I'll show you one of their works and you have to guess what it's about.
0:30:26 > 0:30:27What is going on here?
0:30:30 > 0:30:34Is it the entrance to the new giftshop?
0:30:34 > 0:30:35MEL SNORTS
0:30:37 > 0:30:40Now, what's this one about? Have a look at this one.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43Never have a suit made by a bricklayer.
0:30:43 > 0:30:47It's not a suit I would choose.
0:30:47 > 0:30:50It's another work, actually, from Anthea Hamilton's show.
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Sounds a bit like Jamie Oliver calling his kids in for dinner.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04It wouldn't be the Turner Prize, of course, without the Turnip Prize,
0:31:04 > 0:31:06which featured terrible punning works of art.
0:31:06 > 0:31:08For example, 2013's winner was this.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10A Play On Words.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13Oh...
0:31:13 > 0:31:19So, teams, buzz in if you can guess what this year's entrants
0:31:19 > 0:31:22for the Turnip Prize are called.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25- What do we think?- Bricks It.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28MEL GASPS Very strong, Ian. Absolutely.
0:31:28 > 0:31:33That's bricks spelling out the word "It" to make Bricks It. Well done.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36Anyone would think I'd worked as a terrible journalist.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Have a look at this one.
0:31:38 > 0:31:44This is a Barbie Doll giving birth to a party blower to make...?
0:31:44 > 0:31:46Sorry!
0:31:46 > 0:31:49It's Boris Johnson's tie yet again!
0:31:49 > 0:31:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:53 > 0:31:54- She is in...- Labour.
0:31:54 > 0:31:57- Yes.- Labour blows something.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59- No.- Labour Party.- Labour Party! Well done.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02I think you both get that. Very good.
0:32:02 > 0:32:06And finally here is this year's winner of the Turnip Prize.
0:32:06 > 0:32:10This is a black pole to make...?
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- ADIL:- Oh, Pole-Dark?- Yes! Well done.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14Absolutely right.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17Can't believe I'm so pleased with myself for getting that right!
0:32:17 > 0:32:20This is the announcement of the Turner Prize.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23One of the losing entries was...
0:32:27 > 0:32:30And that lost! Tough year.
0:32:30 > 0:32:31Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:32:31 > 0:32:34Kim Jong-un, Zacchaeus,
0:32:34 > 0:32:37Mike Ashley, and Lois Olsen.
0:32:37 > 0:32:38BELL RINGS
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- We know the topical ones. Zacchaeus...- Hmm.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Um...
0:32:43 > 0:32:45He was a tax collector, and was therefore shunned
0:32:45 > 0:32:49by a lot of people in those days who didn't want to pay taxes.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51How much things have changed.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54Is it not about tax?
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Not to do with taxes, but it is to do with money.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Well, that's the man from Sports Direct.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00- Mm-hmm. Mike Ashley. - Who didn't pay people enough.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Well, they've all earnt money, but she's won some money.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Oh, you haven't mentioned Kim, Kim Jong-un.
0:33:06 > 0:33:08It's more to do with him.
0:33:08 > 0:33:10He's the only one in charge of a rogue nuclear state.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16APPLAUSE
0:33:16 > 0:33:20They all have too much money apart from Kim Jong-un,
0:33:20 > 0:33:23who's had to start selling dog-meat ready meals
0:33:23 > 0:33:26to raise money for some nuclear warheads.
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Absolutely true, apparently.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32So who is Kim planning on selling his dog-meat ready meals to?
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Dogs.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- Is he hoping to export them?- Yes.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Is it the first of our new, exciting trade deals?
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Dog meat from North Korea.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50According to The Sun newspaper...
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Included in the range is powdered dog,
0:33:58 > 0:34:02to which you just add hot water. Presumably called Not Poodle.
0:34:11 > 0:34:15Predictably, the story did cause a stir in the comments section
0:34:15 > 0:34:18on The Sun Online. Well, actually, there was just one comment.
0:34:18 > 0:34:19Stephen Bentley wrote...
0:34:23 > 0:34:27Now, you mentioned the older lady in the foursome.
0:34:27 > 0:34:3080-year-old Lois Olsen, that is, from Canada.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33She won 50 million in the lottery this week.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36How did she react to the incredible news?
0:34:36 > 0:34:38- NORTHERN ACCENT:- Bloody hell!
0:34:38 > 0:34:40She's from Canada.
0:34:40 > 0:34:43- Oh, right. - AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:- Bloody hell!
0:34:43 > 0:34:44She's from Canada.
0:34:44 > 0:34:47LAUGHTER
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Yeah, she says...
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Can anyone tell me some unusual things
0:34:58 > 0:35:02that would be more likely to happen to you than winning the lottery?
0:35:02 > 0:35:05- Struck by lightning?- Mm-hm. - Playing centre forward for Burnley.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09According to the Independent, you're more likely to be hit by part of a plane falling from the sky,
0:35:09 > 0:35:13die from flesh-eating bacteria, be crushed by a meteor,
0:35:13 > 0:35:15give birth to identical quadruplets,
0:35:15 > 0:35:17become an astronaut, win an Oscar or...
0:35:23 > 0:35:27Why did Sports Direct's billionaire Mike Ashley
0:35:27 > 0:35:31have cause to regret having so much money earlier this year?
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- What happened to him?- He took out a wad of £20 notes
0:35:34 > 0:35:38- in front of his staff and got a certain amount of comment.- Yeah.
0:35:38 > 0:35:42- They were 50 quid notes, actually. - Were they?
0:35:42 > 0:35:45There we go. Here he is. Look at this.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48In the Bible, Zacchaeus was described as...
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Zacchaeus was particularly despised
0:35:52 > 0:35:55by the Roman stand-up comedian Jimmius Carrus.
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Oh, hang on, Jacob, sorry.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Yeah, I've just got word in from the Photoshopping department.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06Let's have a little look at this.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09LAUGHTER
0:36:15 > 0:36:18Time now for the Missing Words round, which this week
0:36:18 > 0:36:21features as its guest publication, Carrot Country.
0:36:21 > 0:36:26It's got a regular medical page, entitled What's Up, Doc?
0:36:28 > 0:36:30And we start with...
0:36:33 > 0:36:36The three dwarfs who didn't make it into the pantomime.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Purple, Scrawny and Pungent.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Hey, Snow White.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45- JACOB:- A carrot.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48It is, of course, to do with carrots. The answer is...
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Carrot Country reveals that carrots used to be purple, red and black
0:36:54 > 0:36:58until orange carrots as we know them were bred by the Dutch.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01So, selective breeding made them orange, just like the Trump family.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03Next...
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- JACOB:- I'm sticking with carrots.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Is it deaath?
0:37:11 > 0:37:14- Close.- Heaven.- No.- Devon.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16No.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18The answer is a nuclear bomb.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20- Really?- Yeah.
0:37:20 > 0:37:24The Metro reports that the Russian RS-28 Sarmat missile is...
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Which ideally would be France.
0:37:29 > 0:37:30Next.
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Carrots.
0:37:36 > 0:37:40Jacob, are you just going to say carrots for every single answer?
0:37:40 > 0:37:44Well, I got one right and we got a point, so I might get another.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49I know this one.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52It's 25 Liberal MPs.
0:37:53 > 0:37:57They're building slowly, but, you know, in 200 million years,
0:37:57 > 0:37:59they're going to be right back up there.
0:37:59 > 0:38:03It's 25 hours in the day because the Earth is going slower.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06And therefore we're going to have an extra hour in the day.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10You're absolutely right, there'll be 25 hours in a day.
0:38:10 > 0:38:11Next...
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- Of the carrot. - JACOB:- It's got to be the carrot.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19You're absolutely right.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21It's the year of the carrot.
0:38:27 > 0:38:28Bang on.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31That's according to the vegetarian option of the Chinese horoscope.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33And next year is the year of the brassica,
0:38:33 > 0:38:35so do put that date in your colander.
0:38:35 > 0:38:38- GROANS - Very good, I like that.
0:38:40 > 0:38:41Next...
0:38:44 > 0:38:45Nuclear war.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Snowmen?
0:38:47 > 0:38:51- Weevil.- Oh, well done!- What?- Paul, that's absolutely right.- Is it?- Yes.
0:38:51 > 0:38:52The answer is...
0:39:01 > 0:39:05- I didn't even know I knew that! - That's brilliant!
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Next.
0:39:08 > 0:39:12Carrots under cover posing as international playboys in French bars.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16- FRENCH ACCENT:- It looked like a carrot, but I am an international playboy.
0:39:16 > 0:39:19- ADIL:- Carrots under cover Isis sleeping cells.
0:39:19 > 0:39:23- Ohh!- Carrots under cover grow bigger than those that are not under cover.
0:39:23 > 0:39:25I'll have to give that to you.
0:39:25 > 0:39:27The answer is carrots under cover...
0:39:29 > 0:39:30This is the tip for carrot growers
0:39:30 > 0:39:33to cover the earth with black plastic sheeting.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36Another way is to put extra soil and compost on them.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38Mm, the plot thickens.
0:39:42 > 0:39:44And finally...
0:39:47 > 0:39:48Carrot.
0:39:48 > 0:39:51It's riding a horse.
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Oh, very strong, Jacob, absolutely right.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Have we got the picture? It's a very good picture.
0:40:00 > 0:40:02We've absolutely got the picture.
0:40:05 > 0:40:10Or as it's also known, the North Korean set menu for two.
0:40:10 > 0:40:11GROANS
0:40:13 > 0:40:15So, the final scores are,
0:40:15 > 0:40:17on 7, Paul and Adil,
0:40:17 > 0:40:20but on 10, Ian and Jacob.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22It's an extraordinary win.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24Amazing. How? I've no idea.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26No idea.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31On which note, we say thank you to our panellists,
0:40:31 > 0:40:34Ian Hislop and Jacob Rees-Mogg, Paul Merton and Adil Ray,
0:40:34 > 0:40:36and I leave you with news that,
0:40:36 > 0:40:39as Donald Trump continues to select his White House team,
0:40:39 > 0:40:43there's a successful application for the post of Oval Office intern.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Campaigning in Lincolnshire,
0:40:47 > 0:40:50a confident Nick Clegg points the way to number 76.
0:40:54 > 0:40:57And after putting an extra-large Christmas cake in the oven,
0:40:57 > 0:41:00disaster strikes for Paul Hollywood
0:41:00 > 0:41:02as he eagerly decides to lick the bowl.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08Goodnight.
0:41:43 > 0:41:48- Jacob, do you mind if I have a blow? - No, no, by all means.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52LAUGHTER
0:41:52 > 0:41:55No wonder you got 10 points.