0:00:02 > 0:00:05Hello, my name is Henning. Hello. Good evening. Guten Abend.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07Eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs,
0:00:07 > 0:00:09sieben, acht, neun...
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Zehn! - Zehn! Ja.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13- Elf!- Elf, ja.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Any more, anyone?
0:00:15 > 0:00:18- Zwolf!- Zwolf, ja, indeed!
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Anyone who can count further will be deported.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26We're a different country now.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I'm Ed Balls, and in the news this week -
0:01:11 > 0:01:13at a Slinky factory in the Midlands,
0:01:13 > 0:01:16after spotting yet another election candidate about to pay a visit,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18one worker takes cunning evasive action.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26In a dining room in south London,
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Brian Cox's cat makes a vital contribution
0:01:30 > 0:01:33to the owner's understanding of the orbital motion of Saturn.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43And there's evidence that female moviegoers
0:01:43 > 0:01:46may be disappointed with the remake of Ghost.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54On Ian's team tonight is a German comedian
0:01:54 > 0:01:58who has made this country his home for the past 15 years.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Ah, well, all good things...
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Please welcome, for the last time, Henning Wehn!
0:02:03 > 0:02:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Can I just say, if you have a stammer, Henning...
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Henning. It's a nightmare.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Just call me that German bloke.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Can we call you different names?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21You can call me whatever you like.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Ed Balls, you're saying he's got a ridiculous name?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30And with Paul tonight is an outspoken journalist
0:02:30 > 0:02:32and broadcaster, and a Londoner
0:02:32 > 0:02:35who loves walking in the countryside for the tranquillity,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39which is what London enjoys while she's off doing it.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Please welcome Janet Street-Porter.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44APPLAUSE
0:02:47 > 0:02:51So it's obviously been a horrible, terrible week.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Yes, but we're still, I think, allowed to laugh.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Is that...is that OK?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58- AUDIENCE: Yes. - Excellent.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Well, I don't want to overstate it,
0:02:59 > 0:03:02but going out, enjoying yourself, having a good time -
0:03:02 > 0:03:05all the things terrorism hates - we can still do it.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- Quite right.- Even here.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09APPLAUSE
0:03:13 > 0:03:15And have a laugh at Ed, I hope.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Thanks, Ian(!)
0:03:19 > 0:03:21So, Paul and Janet, take a look at this.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Ah, Mr Bean goes on holiday.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Here he is.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I thought he was frightened of stairs,
0:03:28 > 0:03:30so they've laid on an escalator, specially.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32What's he doing? What's going on there?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Well, I read that he has to have an award
0:03:34 > 0:03:36to put him in a good mood.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Donald Trump has been away from America,
0:03:38 > 0:03:40to get away from his problems there,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42and now he's walking around the world
0:03:42 > 0:03:44showing everybody what a massive twit looks like.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Yes, he went to Rome.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Yeah. Brussels.- Israel.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Yeah, ended up in Brussels.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54He's repeated the same phrase over and over again about the bombers,
0:03:54 > 0:03:56that they are "losers".
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I thought the phrase he kept repeating was, "Where am I?"
0:03:59 > 0:04:01No, I think he repeated,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03"Strong and stable government."
0:04:05 > 0:04:07But the main thing is that it was an opportunity
0:04:07 > 0:04:10for the Trump women to wear a succession
0:04:10 > 0:04:12of extraordinary outfits.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Looking like a couple of Thunderbirds puppets, basically.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- Lady Penelope and...- Parker.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20And Parker, yeah, that's good.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Everyone was told not to speak for more than four minutes
0:04:25 > 0:04:27because that's the maximum attention span.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31And that's the rule we're applying tonight. This is...
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Well, it's not one that's applied to you in the past, Ed.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38AUDIENCE OOHS
0:04:38 > 0:04:42This is Donald Trump's surprisingly disaster-free international tour.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46What landmark moment in Trump's presidency did the trip signify?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48He was about to be impeached...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50So he thought, if he went abroad,
0:04:50 > 0:04:54he could make more of a fool of himself than at home.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56I mean, it is extraordinary.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59He said about the Saudis that they threw people off buildings
0:04:59 > 0:05:02and had an appalling attitude to women, during the campaign,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05then he got there and said, "This is a magnificent kingdom."
0:05:05 > 0:05:08He contradicts himself almost mid-sentence nowadays.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10He can't keep it up.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14He criticised Obama for bowing to the Saudis,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16then he himself curtsied.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19He does this sort of weird thing
0:05:19 > 0:05:21and then puts on the Award
0:05:21 > 0:05:24of the Great Flogger of the Temple of Doom, or whatever it is!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30That was an ITV quiz show that never got past the pilot.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- It is quite extraordinary.- Hmm.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35And having failed to point out that, you know,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38if you're going to Saudi Arabia to make a speech
0:05:38 > 0:05:41about where this appalling version of Islam comes from
0:05:41 > 0:05:44that preaches terrorism and extremism, where is it?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Ooh, it's here!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Not a mention of it.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49They were told at the official dinner
0:05:49 > 0:05:52he needed to have ketchup on standby.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Do you want to know a fascinating fact about tomato ketchup?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Yes!- Yes.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I'm going to say that one again.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Do you want to know a fascinating fact about tomato ketchup?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Oh, yes!
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Henning's auditioning for the Churchill dog ad.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- GRUFF VOICE:- "Oh, yes!"
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Well, suddenly, with Brexit looming,
0:06:15 > 0:06:17I'm a lot more amenable to advertising.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22This actually may be something you know about.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25The father of Henry Heinz, the inventor of ketchup,
0:06:25 > 0:06:27and Donald Trump's grandfather
0:06:27 > 0:06:30come from the same German village of Kallstadt.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34I'm not taking any responsibility in any shape or form.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37What was the biggest talking point of Trump's Saudi visit?
0:06:37 > 0:06:38How about the glowing orb?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40How about the glowing orb?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43That's what his barber calls his head.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Have a look at this picture.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- HENNING:- Yeah, that is just as sinister as anything, isn't it?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53They are dividing it up between them.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55- JANET:- It looks like the World Cup.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So many people in that photograph look like a waxwork.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- HENNING:- I tell you what,
0:06:59 > 0:07:01of the three people holding the ball,
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Donald Trump looks the most trustworthy.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Did you see the ceremonial sword dance
0:07:08 > 0:07:11the Saudis put on for the President?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- No, but I'd love to. - Here it is.- Good!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16DRUMMING AND CHANTING
0:07:25 > 0:07:27You need to give him some dancing tips.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29He's got no sense of rhythm,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31and his sword was drooping.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32I know.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- As a world leader... - Not you, surely!
0:07:36 > 0:07:40As a world leader, you've got to be prepared to be roped in
0:07:40 > 0:07:44to a bit of cross-cultural dancing at some point in your career.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47So, who would like to play Presidentially Come Dancing?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Yes, I would.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52STRICTLY COME DANCING THEME PLAYS
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Make sure you're warmed up.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59AUDIENCE OOHS
0:08:00 > 0:08:03I'm sorry, you women are easily impressed.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07There's no dancing. I'm going to play in a selection
0:08:07 > 0:08:10of presidents and other world leaders doing some dancing,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12and I want you to give them marks out of ten.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14- OK!- Here's the first one.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Marks out of ten!
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Six.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Oh, too generous.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- I would have given him an eight. - An eight!- Yeah.
0:08:44 > 0:08:49He's never done it before, and so... He was hitting the target initially.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52And then, yeah, showed commitment,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55was waving his arms about like a lunatic.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59I mean, that's what dancing is in a nutshell.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Here's the next one.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Who is that?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Our future king.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21You see, this is the difference with a constitutional monarchy.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24We have someone who's genetically programmed
0:09:24 > 0:09:26to look very, very stupid.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27We've got one more.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28Have we?
0:09:28 > 0:09:33MUSIC: Things Can Only Get Better by D:Ream
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Shocking.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Yeah, that's No Direction.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48That's No Direction, yeah.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Is that the Millennium Dome?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52That was the celebration of the victory.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Oh, really? That was victory night.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Festival Hall.- Royal Festival Hall.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- I was at that night.- So was I.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00But we didn't dance.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02No, I was in the corner with the media luvvies
0:10:02 > 0:10:04that put up all the money for your campaign.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07They were all drinking champagne
0:10:07 > 0:10:09and you were drinking warm beer, as I recall.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11I was outside throwing things.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Literary events, that sort of thing.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22What did Trump specifically not mention when he went to Israel?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23The war?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Palestine?
0:10:25 > 0:10:29Yeah. He didn't mention the idea of a Palestinian homeland.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32He possibly enjoyed his trip to the Middle East too much though,
0:10:32 > 0:10:36which partly explains his comment in the book of remembrance
0:10:36 > 0:10:38at the World Holocaust Memorial Center,
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Yad Vashem in Jerusalem.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42It's worth just reading this one out.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51This was compared to a similar gaffe by Justin Bieber.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Anybody remember?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Yes, he went to Anne Frank's house,
0:10:55 > 0:10:57and she wasn't in, much to his disappointment.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03He shouted, but wherever she was, she couldn't hear him,
0:11:03 > 0:11:04and he wrote in the book,
0:11:04 > 0:11:07"I think she probably would have been a Bieber fan."
0:11:08 > 0:11:10He said...
0:11:16 > 0:11:17A Belieber, yeah.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20To be fair, Justin was only a 19-year-old idiot,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23as opposed to being a 70-year-old idiot.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Donald Trump then moved on to the third leg
0:11:26 > 0:11:28in his monotheistic religions of the world tour,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31where he met the Pope in the Vatican.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32How did that go?
0:11:32 > 0:11:36Not so well. He'd been very rude about the Pope.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37The Pope had said that he was not a Christian.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40The Pope looks fantastically stony-faced.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- We've got some footage. - Oh, here we are.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK
0:11:47 > 0:11:50CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK
0:11:50 > 0:11:52HENNING CHUCKLES
0:11:52 > 0:11:54It looks like somebody
0:11:54 > 0:11:57who was against the marriage in the first place.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00If you thought that photo opportunity was awkward,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02look what happened when they sat down.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04LOW CONVERSATION
0:12:04 > 0:12:07"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"
0:12:08 > 0:12:12"I'm sorry, we don't seem to have your reservation here."
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And how did the Pope lighten the mood?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Let one off.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20I'm sorry?!
0:12:20 > 0:12:23He asked Melania what she was feeding Trump,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25and she said pizza.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Top bantz.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29She didn't say anything on the whole trip, did she?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- There's no record of Melania speaking.- Hmm.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36She had a lot more eye make-up by the end than the beginning.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39She doesn't seem to be enjoying life as the First Lady, does she?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42He put his hand out and she gave it the flick.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44She knows that he's scared of stairs,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46so when they're coming down the stairs,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50he reached out to her and she went...ohh!
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Whoa-oa-oa!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56What is it about stairs that worries him?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Is it the unpredictability of one step after another?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Or is it Dalek in his DNA? What's up with him?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Donald thought that he and the Pope got on really well
0:13:04 > 0:13:06because they had one thing in common.
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Do you know what that is?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Humility.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13That is right. That is the answer.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15- No!- Yes.- No!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18It's true. In 2013, Donald Trump tweeted...
0:13:24 > 0:13:27And what did the Pope give to Donald Trump to take away?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Diphtheria?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34He gave him a carved piece of olive wood saying...
0:13:40 > 0:13:42A sentiment we all share.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Meanwhile, back in the US, where things aren't going so well,
0:13:46 > 0:13:50what has Mike Pence, the President's right-hand man, been doing?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53He's been preparing for office. He's sitting in the chair.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Trying out the desk.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59He's actually set up his own Political Action Committee,
0:13:59 > 0:14:03which allows him to raise funds for a presidential campaign.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05According to the Washington Post...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Gordon Brown waited at least a year.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15This is Donald Trump's whistle-stop tour
0:14:15 > 0:14:17which started with Saudi Arabia and Israel.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Trump's Saudi trip concluded with a concert
0:14:20 > 0:14:22by an American country and western singer
0:14:22 > 0:14:24accompanied by an Arabian lute,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26who rounded off the evening with that Saudi country classic,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Stand Ten Paces Behind Your Man.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33After the Middle East, the Trumps went to Italy
0:14:33 > 0:14:34to visit the Pope.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37There's Melania, wearing her favourite outfit.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Widow-in-waiting.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42APPLAUSE
0:14:44 > 0:14:47She does look like she should be doing an advert
0:14:47 > 0:14:50for Scottish Pensions, wandering around that maze.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Did Donald Trump need a briefing before visiting the Vatican?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Is the Pope a Catholic...
0:14:56 > 0:14:58was the first question he asked.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00When he was at the Vatican,
0:15:00 > 0:15:02there was never any possibility of Trump giving a confession,
0:15:02 > 0:15:06as even the Pope said, "That's above my pay grade."
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Everywhere Trump went, he was accompanied by Melania.
0:15:10 > 0:15:11It's hard for a husband and wife
0:15:11 > 0:15:14to work together in high-profile politics.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17That's why Yvette told me to sod off and take up dancing.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Ian and Henning, take a look at this.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Oh, dear.- This is politics, which has started again.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26There was a temporary pause and now we're all back.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Going one way and then the other.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Yeah.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35It's a U-turn, so what?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37She proposed this idea that old people
0:15:37 > 0:15:41who have assets should pay for a proportion of their care,
0:15:41 > 0:15:43and then she was reminded
0:15:43 > 0:15:46that a lot of old people vote Conservative.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Then she thought this was a terrible idea.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Most of the Cabinet didn't know about this social care.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Apparently, it was slipped in at the last minute,
0:15:55 > 0:15:56so all those ministers went out and said,
0:15:56 > 0:15:58"This is a terrific idea,"
0:15:58 > 0:16:00and then someone said, "She's just pulled it."
0:16:00 > 0:16:03"This is not a great idea."
0:16:03 > 0:16:04It's incredibly humiliating.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Meanwhile the Labour Party, who are usually for inheritance tax,
0:16:07 > 0:16:10suddenly decided that passing on your house to your children
0:16:10 > 0:16:14was a traditional socialist touchstone,
0:16:14 > 0:16:17and that it was appalling to suggest that people
0:16:17 > 0:16:19should actually have to pay for some of their own care
0:16:19 > 0:16:21and not give their children money.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23The Conservatives have promised
0:16:23 > 0:16:258 billion of extra funding for the NHS.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- Where's the money coming from? - Corporation tax.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Andrew Neil tried to find out.
0:16:29 > 0:16:34How are you going to pay for the extra £8 billion for the NHS?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Andrew, when I go round the country and talk to people
0:16:36 > 0:16:38about what we're going to do in government,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40what people want to know is,
0:16:40 > 0:16:42are we actually going to have the strong economy
0:16:42 > 0:16:45that enables us to pay for the NHS?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Where will the extra 8 billion come from?
0:16:47 > 0:16:50What we have done, if you look at our record,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52is shown that we can put record sums of money
0:16:52 > 0:16:54into the National Health Service
0:16:54 > 0:16:56at the same time as we are ensuring
0:16:56 > 0:16:58that we're building that strong economy.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Let me try one more time.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Where will the extra 8 billion for the NHS come from?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07What we have done over the last six years - six, seven years -
0:17:07 > 0:17:09and what we will do in future,
0:17:09 > 0:17:11is ensure that we have the strong economy,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14the growing economy, that enables us
0:17:14 > 0:17:16to generate the funds to put into our public services.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19So, Ed, how does it work if, say, you are the Prime Minister
0:17:19 > 0:17:21or Shadow Chancellor, or whatever,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24and you go to an interview like that,
0:17:24 > 0:17:27so do you get briefed or brief yourself
0:17:27 > 0:17:30so that's just those few messages I want to get out,
0:17:30 > 0:17:34and whatever I get asked, I will not answer or say anything
0:17:34 > 0:17:36that I haven't prepared...
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Look at the alternative - Diane Abbott...
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Blathering about a load of random figures.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Go on, Ed, you're the expert.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Well...
0:17:46 > 0:17:48I think it's really important to answer the question
0:17:48 > 0:17:51if you possibly can, and I don't think she did.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Pot and kettle!
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I can't believe I'm hearing this!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58And I think people probably noticed.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01What's the one word that Theresa May repeated over and over again
0:18:01 > 0:18:03in that interview with Andrew?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Help!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- Do you want to see?- Yeah.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Well, Andrew, first of all, Andrew...
0:18:10 > 0:18:11What we have done, Andrew...
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Andrew... You know, Andrew...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Well, Andrew, I called an election several weeks ago...
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Andrew...
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Andrew... - Prime Minister, thank you.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Imagine doing that and then getting the name wrong.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28What lie did Boris Johnson tell Robert Peston?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Was this the 350 million again?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Linked.- On the NHS?
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Linked.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Did he say it'd be reconsidered? - Oh, he said it was in the manifesto.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Look at the clip.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43Why isn't the £350 million, which we're getting back...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45The only way you're going to take back control...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Why's it not in the manifesto?
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Why's it not in the manifesto, Boris?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- It is, actually, and Theresa May... - It's not there.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55She said it at the launch of our manifesto.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57She didn't! I was there!
0:18:57 > 0:19:01You were there, loyally clapping.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04I was, absolutely. Totally, absolutely right, I was.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Did she say it at the manifesto launch?- No.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Not only did he lie, but he actually cheated as well,
0:19:10 > 0:19:11cos he looked at Peston's notes
0:19:11 > 0:19:14in the hope of finding out what the question was going to be,
0:19:14 > 0:19:15and he was caught.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I didn't know what cheating you were referring to there.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20AUDIENCE GASPS
0:19:20 > 0:19:24You've suddenly adopted the character of a Northern housewife.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- NORTHERN ACCENT:- "Ooh, have you heard about...?"
0:19:28 > 0:19:30"It was no surprise to me!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34"He was rinsing out his own gloves last Saturday."
0:19:35 > 0:19:37We haven't talked about Labour very much,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39so to head off any accusations of bias...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Are you leaving now, to be replaced?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48"The next round will be hosted by Michael Portillo."
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Come on, we can have a Train Round.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01When it comes to the Labour's manifesto promises,
0:20:01 > 0:20:04how did Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry muddy the waters?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06- Was this Trident?- Yep.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07She said it would be reviewed
0:20:07 > 0:20:09and the review might include scrapping it.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- Was that the problem? - And do you know who contradicted her
0:20:12 > 0:20:14and said it was Labour's policy to keep Trident?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- The Shadow Defence...- The Shadow Defence Secretary, that's right.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20This was Nia Griffith, the Shadow Defence Secretary...
0:20:24 > 0:20:25- AUDIENCE:- Ooh! - Ooh!
0:20:25 > 0:20:28You're doing it again!
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- NORTHERN ACCENT:- "I don't know who that man was
0:20:30 > 0:20:32"she was in the pub with on Saturday,
0:20:32 > 0:20:34"but it wasn't her husband, I'll tell you that much!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38"I know full well he's got a job in Peterborough!"
0:20:38 > 0:20:39- Finally...- Yeah?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41..in an interview with the Sunday Telegraph,
0:20:41 > 0:20:46Theresa May revealed who her dream dinner party guests would be.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52If anyone from Google is watching,
0:20:52 > 0:20:55prepare for a surge at 9:31 tonight.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58He was an explorer, wasn't he, Wilfred Thesiger?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00- Yeah.- Africa.- Ended up in Kenya.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Where did he intend to go?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Another dream dinner party guest
0:21:10 > 0:21:12would be the artist Sir Stanley Spencer.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Has she ever looked at the pictures he painted?
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Don't know!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- HENNING:- That's not her, is it?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Unless that's Jacob Rees-Mogg!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30APPLAUSE
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Should we find out who your dream dinner party guests would be?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Imagine the scene.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
0:21:44 > 0:21:47You can invite one guest each. Ian.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55If it was in a restaurant, I'd invite Diane Abbott
0:21:55 > 0:21:57and ask her to do the bill.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00She's not dead.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Oh, yes, she is!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Janet.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Frank Field.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Frank Field?!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Frank Field is my secret love object.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Paul?
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Charlie Chaplin,
0:22:15 > 0:22:18although he was a silent comic so I wouldn't expect much conversation.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Henning.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Who would be your dream dinner party guest and why?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Jesus.- Weren't you expecting the question?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Jesus. Jesus!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33I mean, in case you run out of food or drink...
0:22:40 > 0:22:41So at the end of this round,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44it's two points each.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47APPLAUSE
0:22:55 > 0:23:00- And so to Round Two.- I'm going to give you a musical clue.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01- Oh, God! - JANET:- God...
0:23:01 > 0:23:04I'm going to play a song which obviously will trigger a story
0:23:04 > 0:23:07and I want you to buzz in when you know the answer.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08OK.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12HE PLAYS A SIMPLE TUNE
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Scientists have found a way of making time stand still!
0:23:16 > 0:23:20This could be Morse code, he might be signalling.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Signalling to U-boats in the harbour.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I've never heard of this bloody song!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Well, that's obvious!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29OK, I'll do it again.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31No! Stop, stop, stop!
0:23:31 > 0:23:33In case you need a further clue...
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Yeah?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38APPLAUSE
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Can we have a professional opinion?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Interesting use of the word "further"!
0:23:43 > 0:23:45..we'll have a look at the picture.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50It's a cat that can play the piano!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52- JANET:- Pussycat. What's New Pussycat?.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55He's called Bastard, by the look of it, on his collar.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Why would someone call a cat Bastard?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- HENNING:- That's Tom Jones?!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01HE HUMS
0:24:03 > 0:24:05That still isn't it!
0:24:07 > 0:24:09I still don't know what song we're after!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13It is a song, What's New Pussycat?,
0:24:13 > 0:24:16to introduce this cat, who's called Bastard, according to his collar!
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Although they reckon the cat
0:24:18 > 0:24:21is intelligent enough, so they have blocked out three of the letters,
0:24:21 > 0:24:23so he doesn't get a complex about it!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25He might think his name's Bernard!
0:24:28 > 0:24:32This is the news that an Australian charity are seeking a home
0:24:32 > 0:24:34for a cat called Mr Biggles.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Do you know why he is struggling to find a home?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Is he very ill-tempered?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41According to the advert posted by an Australian pet charity,
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Mr Biggles is an...
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Why is he such a bastard, anybody know?
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Weren't we discussing Tom Jones a minute ago?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58- He sang the song. - He sang What's New Pussycat?.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02And this is about a pussycat in Australia - that's the link.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- That's the link.- Get over it! - Ahh!
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I think it was the "bip, bip, bip" that confused you.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11According to the ad...
0:25:16 > 0:25:18The ad also says he has the air of...
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Let's move on.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Syd Hodgson wanted a tree cut down
0:25:25 > 0:25:29to stop pigeons roosting and pooing on his car.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Four council workmen came along and installed this.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37What did Syd make of the owl?
0:25:37 > 0:25:38Pathetic.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40He got really, really angry.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Is the right answer.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44He wanted the tree cut down. He didn't want an owl.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45He told the Times...
0:25:50 > 0:25:53The owl might be saying the same about him!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02And lastly, in other animal news,
0:26:02 > 0:26:04let's see how a Russian dog
0:26:04 > 0:26:07interrupted a news broadcast this week.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09SHE SPEAKS RUSSIAN
0:26:09 > 0:26:11DOG BARKS
0:26:15 > 0:26:18SHE GASPS
0:26:18 > 0:26:22SHE CONTINUES
0:26:28 > 0:26:32They train their journalists tough over there, don't they?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Fingers on buzzers, teams, here's your next musical clue.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36IAN SCOFFS
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Interesting use of the word "next"!
0:26:39 > 0:26:41FUNKY BEAT PLAYS
0:26:43 > 0:26:46HE PLAYS A TUNE
0:26:52 > 0:26:53BELL RINGS
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- Oh, it sounds like something! - I'm joining in!
0:26:56 > 0:26:59- I've not finished! - Oh, I think you have.- No, no, no.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07That's it.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- JANET:- Not bad at all.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13It sounded like something.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- I can't think what it was. - Took me five years to master that.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Well, I don't think you've mastered it yet, to be honest.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Do you feel as though you need a further clue?
0:27:23 > 0:27:26- Yes.- Further clue, yes.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Tell us what the song is, for example.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32So the song was Pretty Woman. Here's a picture.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34- HENNING:- Well, it's a pretty woman, innit?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- BELL RINGS - Jane Austen!- HENNING:- Oh, yeah.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39That's going to be a bit big for the machines, isn't it?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- JANET:- Hasn't there been an argument that she's been slightly...
0:27:42 > 0:27:43I might as well not be here!
0:27:43 > 0:27:44BELL RINGS
0:27:44 > 0:27:47It's a buzzer round.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- Oh, sorry.- No, no, go on. - Oh.- Just making a point!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54My point is that there's been an argument
0:27:54 > 0:27:57that she has been slightly prettied up for the £10 note.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00This is the news that the image of Jane Austen
0:28:00 > 0:28:02on the new £10 banknote has caused controversy
0:28:02 > 0:28:05after being airbrushed to make her look prettier.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Here's how she is on the new £10 note.- Mm-hm.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11And here's the original portrait that's based on.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13That was drawn by her sister.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Yeah.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17- HENNING:- Well, it's similar though, innit?
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- JANET:- Similar, but if you were on Crimewatch,
0:28:19 > 0:28:22would you say it was the same perpetrator?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Of course, I have just been on billboards
0:28:25 > 0:28:27all over the country in a swimsuit
0:28:27 > 0:28:29to promote a campaign for body confidence,
0:28:29 > 0:28:31in which I was not airbrushed.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33Can we see that?
0:28:33 > 0:28:35You can see it if you want.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37You can see my varicose veins 15 feet high.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39They've been in Westfield shopping centre.
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Your varicose veins are 15 foot high?!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43No, my body was!
0:28:43 > 0:28:46I see it now, yes!
0:28:46 > 0:28:48I thought that was a nimbus cloud!
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Anyway, this airbrushing is a plague, I do think.
0:28:52 > 0:28:55It's astonishing that they feel they have to make
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Jane Austen look more cute, you know?
0:28:57 > 0:29:00In fact, they've just made her look more bland.
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Yes. This is the airbrushing of Jane Austen's face
0:29:02 > 0:29:04on the new £10 note,
0:29:04 > 0:29:06a decision which shows a complete lack of sense.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08And sensibility.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Which means at the end of this round,
0:29:13 > 0:29:15it's Paul and Janet on 3
0:29:15 > 0:29:17and Ian and Henning trailing on 2.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20APPLAUSE
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Time now for the Odd-One-Out Round.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32Just one between you. This week, your four are...
0:29:32 > 0:29:33a pair of glasses.
0:29:33 > 0:29:34BUZZER
0:29:34 > 0:29:38- Can we have...- All right, you need to do a bit of buzzing!
0:29:38 > 0:29:40How can you get the odd one out from one?
0:29:40 > 0:29:45I'm just getting it in early since I keep being ignored!
0:29:45 > 0:29:46Let's do that again.
0:29:46 > 0:29:47Yeah.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50I might do it again, just to annoy you.
0:29:50 > 0:29:51Don't do it again.
0:29:51 > 0:29:52Time now...
0:29:52 > 0:29:54BUZZER
0:29:56 > 0:29:58APPLAUSE
0:30:00 > 0:30:03You utter, utter, utter bastard.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06Your four are a pair of glasses,
0:30:06 > 0:30:08a student's room in LA,
0:30:08 > 0:30:10a steam cloud in Nottingham
0:30:10 > 0:30:11and a pineapple.
0:30:11 > 0:30:12BELL RINGS
0:30:12 > 0:30:16The pair of glasses was mistaken for an exhibit in an art exhibition.
0:30:16 > 0:30:18Is there a pineapple in an exhibition?
0:30:18 > 0:30:20Bound to be.
0:30:21 > 0:30:23And I think that student's room,
0:30:23 > 0:30:26someone has arranged a student's room.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28- I read about that, yeah. - An installation.
0:30:28 > 0:30:32It's an installation. So, they are all deliberate, except the glasses.
0:30:32 > 0:30:36The steam cloud has been declared a work of art.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41I was going to say, "Can we have a clue?"
0:30:41 > 0:30:43but then I thought, "Oh, no!"
0:30:43 > 0:30:46# Bam-bam-bam-bam... #
0:30:46 > 0:30:47Anybody(?)
0:30:47 > 0:30:49- JANET:- Get the keyboard out!
0:30:49 > 0:30:52It's the National Anthem, can you hear it?
0:30:52 > 0:30:53Oh, yeah!
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Can't you just sing us another clue?
0:30:55 > 0:30:57No, don't!
0:30:57 > 0:30:59Sorry, that came from the heart.
0:30:59 > 0:31:01We don't know the answer.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03It's about...
0:31:03 > 0:31:07being genuine works and being mistaken for genuine works of art.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10And there's only one of the four which is a genuine work of art.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13And that's the student's room, so that's the odd one out.
0:31:13 > 0:31:14- No.- It's the pineapple!
0:31:14 > 0:31:16It's the power station. It's the glasses!
0:31:16 > 0:31:17BELL RINGS
0:31:17 > 0:31:19I tried to answer this question.
0:31:19 > 0:31:24You can't say every one of them as the odd one out!
0:31:24 > 0:31:27They have all been mistaken for genuine works of art,
0:31:27 > 0:31:30apart from a cloud of steam,
0:31:30 > 0:31:32which WAS a genuine work of art
0:31:32 > 0:31:34but was mistaken for a fire.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38Let's have a look.
0:31:38 > 0:31:39That is the steam.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41It's either that
0:31:41 > 0:31:43or the Liberal Democrats Drugs Policy Working Group.
0:31:43 > 0:31:47In 1666, it was all over London...
0:31:49 > 0:31:52And everyone was marvelling. "Ooh, lovely."
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- JANET:- But Henning...
0:31:54 > 0:31:57The Turner Prize has outdone itself this year.
0:31:57 > 0:32:00Do you know how the Nottingham Contemporary Art Gallery
0:32:00 > 0:32:02tried to warn passers-by that
0:32:02 > 0:32:05that was in fact an art installation?
0:32:05 > 0:32:06Special signs?
0:32:06 > 0:32:08They put up posters in the surrounding area
0:32:08 > 0:32:10telling people not to worry
0:32:10 > 0:32:12and that it was only a cloud of steam,
0:32:12 > 0:32:16posters which, due to the cloud of steam, nobody could see.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21This is an insurance nightmare.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24I've got a question. How do you create this amount of steam?
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Have they got a giant kettle?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28How do you actually create that amount of steam?
0:32:28 > 0:32:29I don't know.
0:32:29 > 0:32:32- It's art.- I know it's art,
0:32:32 > 0:32:35- but are they boiling water...? - Have you ever been in a steam bath?
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Steam, yeah.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40You go into a steam room and who knows who's lurking in there.
0:32:43 > 0:32:46But you would walk in and say, "It's a WALK of art."
0:32:48 > 0:32:49Ed.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52Don't give up the day job.
0:32:52 > 0:32:53He's got a day job?
0:32:55 > 0:32:58- Not any more. - Ed, can you do any impressions?
0:33:01 > 0:33:03What do you want?
0:33:03 > 0:33:06"Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime."
0:33:11 > 0:33:12Was that Tom Jones?
0:33:16 > 0:33:19"You guys, Hislop! You're an outrage."
0:33:19 > 0:33:22- That was Gordon Brown. - Gordon Brown!
0:33:22 > 0:33:24God, I was terrified.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27What is the water vapour supposedly symbolising?
0:33:27 > 0:33:30- Steam.- Discussion about art.- Yes.
0:33:30 > 0:33:32According to the art gallery director...
0:33:32 > 0:33:34Oh, he's drunk.
0:33:34 > 0:33:39"..water vapour is being released from the gallery roof in varying amounts..."
0:33:42 > 0:33:45And I think it does it very, very well.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48A student's room in Los Angeles has recently been turned into
0:33:48 > 0:33:51a passive-aggressive art gallery by his roommate,
0:33:51 > 0:33:54who's sick of the mess he has left lying around.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57When Justin finds any mess left by his housemate,
0:33:57 > 0:34:00he leaves a card with the price and description of the art.
0:34:00 > 0:34:01- Shall we look at a piece?- Mm.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05"Forgotten milk, left to actively go rancid in fridge
0:34:05 > 0:34:08"far beyond sell-by date."
0:34:08 > 0:34:10Eurgh! Split infinitive!
0:34:13 > 0:34:15It's barely worth 200 now!
0:34:17 > 0:34:20A pair of glasses was mistaken for a new exhibit
0:34:20 > 0:34:21at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Let's have a look.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27Calls into question the whole way we see things.
0:34:31 > 0:34:32A pineapple was left in the middle
0:34:32 > 0:34:35of an Aberdeen exhibition by a student.
0:34:35 > 0:34:37What did the curators of the exhibition do with it?
0:34:37 > 0:34:40- Put it in the catalogue?- Worse. - Put it in a case?
0:34:40 > 0:34:43- Sold it! - They put it in a display case.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48It was left there by mistake.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50How could you leave a pineapple?
0:34:50 > 0:34:53I'm sorry, if I buy a pineapple, I don't go and walk round
0:34:53 > 0:34:55an art gallery and think,
0:34:55 > 0:34:58"Oh, I'll just look at this picture. I'll put my pineapple down."
0:34:58 > 0:34:59You're missing out!
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Everybody's doing it these days!
0:35:01 > 0:35:04Well, actually, the thing about all art galleries now,
0:35:04 > 0:35:08my big bugbear, is they have very over-explanatory captions
0:35:08 > 0:35:10telling you what you are seeing.
0:35:10 > 0:35:14And that gets me when they then also explain the motivation.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17Sometimes people have been dead for 200-300 years,
0:35:17 > 0:35:19how do you know their motivation?
0:35:19 > 0:35:24I mean, most stuff happens just because it just so happens, innit?
0:35:24 > 0:35:29When I saw the other day on telly, they had something about Rembrandt,
0:35:29 > 0:35:31and they had one picture that was all in gold.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35For all we know, he didn't have no other colour left!
0:35:36 > 0:35:40I mean, is it late Monet, everyone said, "It's extraordinary,
0:35:40 > 0:35:41"he gets more and more abstract."
0:35:41 > 0:35:43He was going blind, he couldn't see!
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Half the time the painting's on the canvas,
0:35:47 > 0:35:49the other time it's on his wife.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51This is the most philistine conversation
0:35:51 > 0:35:53I've ever been involved in about art, it's absolutely shocking!
0:35:53 > 0:35:54Really?
0:35:54 > 0:35:57There's always the idea that everything is predestined,
0:35:57 > 0:36:00that someone has worked something out in advance.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03Why are people then divorced with three children?
0:36:04 > 0:36:07But the idea that Jane Austen sat down and kind of just went...
0:36:07 > 0:36:09"Oh, my God, I've written Mansfield Park!"
0:36:09 > 0:36:11Of course she meant to write it!
0:36:11 > 0:36:12But we're talking about...
0:36:12 > 0:36:14But you don't know, at the start, when you sit down
0:36:14 > 0:36:16and are writing a book, you don't know how it ends.
0:36:16 > 0:36:18People tend to, I think.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22No! No way! You just go on a journey, God knows how it ends!
0:36:23 > 0:36:27You know how it ends when you run out of ink.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32Which means at the end of this round
0:36:32 > 0:36:34it's Paul and Janet on 3
0:36:34 > 0:36:36and Ian and Henning still trailing on 2.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39APPLAUSE
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Time now for the Missing Words Round,
0:36:49 > 0:36:53which this week features, as its guest publication, Chanter,
0:36:53 > 0:36:56the Journal of the Bagpipe Society.
0:36:56 > 0:36:57And we start with...
0:36:59 > 0:37:03- JANET:- Find Mr Right or even Mr 10%.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08In the back of a cupboard.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10The answer is...
0:37:14 > 0:37:16Outraged consumers have been posting pictures this week
0:37:16 > 0:37:19of a top from fashion retailer PrettyLittleThing
0:37:19 > 0:37:21that's impossible to get over their heads.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Let's have a look.
0:37:27 > 0:37:28That's not good.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32I have the same problem with pants.
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Why do you put them on your head?
0:37:35 > 0:37:36Next...
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Is it host Have I Got News For You?
0:37:46 > 0:37:48The next time a stranger asks me to smell their Spaniel.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54That's it.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56That happened in Peterborough.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59- That's what Tim Farron said. - That's what Tim Farron said.
0:37:59 > 0:38:00What does it mean?
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Oh, he was just slightly misreported,
0:38:03 > 0:38:05there was someone with a dog coming along
0:38:05 > 0:38:07and the dog got really excited,
0:38:07 > 0:38:10and then he said, "Must be smelling my Spaniel."
0:38:13 > 0:38:16Obviously doesn't make for good news, so...
0:38:16 > 0:38:19Unless he hasn't got a Spaniel!
0:38:19 > 0:38:22Journalists saying that Tim Farron approached people
0:38:22 > 0:38:24and said to them, "You go and smell my Spaniel now."
0:38:24 > 0:38:27Think about our organ.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29Is it get my bagpipes out?
0:38:36 > 0:38:39Chanter Magazine asks...
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Exactly what my GP asked me last week.
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Next...
0:38:54 > 0:38:56- JANET:- I know the answer to this. - Go on, then.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59It's a falconry thing in the boot.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Like a perch, basically.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03How on Earth do you know that?
0:39:03 > 0:39:05- Because, Ed...- It's incredible.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14APPLAUSE
0:39:16 > 0:39:18So as you're driving along in your Bentley,
0:39:18 > 0:39:20you can release falcons into the air.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Something like that.
0:39:22 > 0:39:26"Go, my beauty, and bring something back from Harrods."
0:39:26 > 0:39:27Next...
0:39:29 > 0:39:32- HENNING:- I don't know, mental breakdown.
0:39:33 > 0:39:36The loss of my political career.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46- Yep.- Next...
0:39:51 > 0:39:54- Bagpipes?- Must be passport.
0:40:02 > 0:40:03And finally...
0:40:06 > 0:40:09I read this. It said more likely to be left-wing.
0:40:09 > 0:40:10Or to be socialists.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- Oh, yes.- Is exactly right.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17It was in that top journal of scientific record,
0:40:17 > 0:40:19the Sun, wasn't it?
0:40:19 > 0:40:23It was actually in the Journal Of Evolution And Human Behaviour.
0:40:23 > 0:40:25I sent a copy to Jeremy Corbyn,
0:40:25 > 0:40:28but, sadly, he couldn't lift it off the doormat.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31So the final scores are -
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Paul and Jeremy on 4.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36- Who? Paul and Jeremy?- He's on!
0:40:41 > 0:40:43I think I might read that again.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45- I think you should.- Yeah.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46So the final scores are -
0:40:46 > 0:40:51Paul and Janet are on 4, and Ian and Henning are also on 4.
0:40:51 > 0:40:52It's a tie.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54APPLAUSE
0:40:54 > 0:40:56We scraped one...
0:41:00 > 0:41:02On which note, we say thank you to our panellists,
0:41:02 > 0:41:05Ian Hislop and Henning Wehn, Paul Merton and Janet Street-Porter.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08And I leave you with news that, at the European Parliament,
0:41:08 > 0:41:10the prank of calling an emergency meeting on a Sunday
0:41:10 > 0:41:11works like a dream.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17As Donald Trump completes his first tour abroad,
0:41:17 > 0:41:20his foreign adviser waits patiently for him on Air Force One.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27And after Pippa Middleton's wedding,
0:41:27 > 0:41:31some of the guests begin to spread gossip about the bridegroom.
0:41:35 > 0:41:36Goodnight.