0:00:03 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I'm Adil Ray. In the news this week, in Surrey,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47one man reluctantly heeds the call to serve the nation
0:00:47 > 0:00:48in Theresa May's government...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56As the Mayor of Watford drives into work,
0:00:56 > 0:00:58he's berated by an angry resident
0:00:58 > 0:01:02who's been campaigning against badly-placed street signage...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12..and footage has emerged from Pippa Middleton's wedding
0:01:12 > 0:01:15which reveals that it was unwise of her to sneak away
0:01:15 > 0:01:17from the reception for a quiet lie down.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26On Ian's team tonight is a very funny comedian -
0:01:26 > 0:01:30but more importantly, he's another non-white face.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Well, it's the end of the series
0:01:32 > 0:01:35and the show was a bit down on its diversity quotas.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36Please welcome Phil Wang.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:41 > 0:01:45And with Paul tonight, a Labour MP who said after last week's election,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48it's clear the Tories are the losers -
0:01:48 > 0:01:50and they were. Except in terms of vote share,
0:01:50 > 0:01:53number of seats and who won the election.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Please welcome Angela Eagle, MP.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57APPLAUSE
0:02:03 > 0:02:05And we start with Ian and Phil. Take a look at this.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Oh, that's Theresa May, leaving the country.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- That's the head of the Unionists. - Michael Gove, out of the doghouse.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Yeah. And back in again.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Jeremy Corbyn, having his cake and eating it.
0:02:17 > 0:02:22- This must be the humiliating victory of the Tories.- Mm-hm.- Um...
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Who, I believe, are still in power,
0:02:26 > 0:02:29but by the time of the repeat, they probably aren't.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31They're trying to stitch up a deal.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35Or form a coalition, as I think it's formally known.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37It's quite a complex process.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39You go in with a big bag of money and you say, "Would you like it?"
0:02:39 > 0:02:42and they say, "No, we'd like some more."
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Er...and this takes days. But it may well be over.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Is it over?- No, it's not over.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- It's not over? Good. - They've said it's an ongoing thing,
0:02:51 > 0:02:53they've set the date of the Queen's Speech.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Meanwhile, the DUP, who, let's face it,
0:02:56 > 0:02:59are the Wahhabists of Protestantism.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- I mean, imagine...- Is that right, is that factually correct?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Yeah, that's absolutely correct.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Well, we've been looking in the wrong places all this time!
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Listen, imagine...
0:03:08 > 0:03:13I mean, I am your average socially liberal, lesbian, feminist,
0:03:13 > 0:03:19vegetarian humanist, who's in a civil partnership with a Catholic,
0:03:19 > 0:03:22and, obviously, I'm looking forward to this DUP alliance
0:03:22 > 0:03:24with a great deal of...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- PHIL:- This is just Theresa May's just desperate
0:03:26 > 0:03:28to keep the government going, regardless.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31It's like she's got a broken car, but instead of fixing the car,
0:03:31 > 0:03:34she's just pushed the car over a cliff, with her in it,
0:03:34 > 0:03:36and she's going, "See, it's still moving,
0:03:36 > 0:03:37"it's technically still moving."
0:03:37 > 0:03:41They're not the only ones who tried to do a deal with the DUP, are they?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43I mean, Labour had a bit of a go.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- Gordon Brown was quite keen. - We had a little word...
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- You had a little word, didn't you? - ..but the arithmetic, it was wrong.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I'm just checking there's no humbug involved in this.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- The Queen's Speech has been delayed. - ANGELA:- Two days.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- For the first time in history.- Yes. And the Queen's going to miss Ascot.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01- Oh, no! - AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Exactly. Proper sympathy at this time.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08She was favourite to win the 3:30 on Wednesday.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You know, they're going to have to ditch so much of the manifesto,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I don't think the Queen's Speech is going to last very long.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17It will just be about her royal visits this year.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- Which ones are they?- Well, Trump's not coming any more, is he?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22CHEERING
0:04:22 > 0:04:27No, I think he should come. It's spoiling our fun.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30The world's clown should come and see us.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32We can laugh as much as anybody else.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33Now, whatever the deal is,
0:04:33 > 0:04:35we mustn't call it a coalition, apparently.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40- Why is that?- Well, the Tories said that if people didn't vote for them,
0:04:40 > 0:04:42there would be a coalition of chaos.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43And alliteration is one of the things
0:04:43 > 0:04:45you've really got to watch out for.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Well, the idea of calling it a coalition,
0:04:48 > 0:04:51it upset one Tory MP by the name of Robert Syms,
0:04:51 > 0:04:54as you can see from this Twitter exchange.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56This is from youlittlequilt on Twitter...
0:05:05 > 0:05:06..and here's Robert Syms' reply.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- OK, and talking of leaders. - Yes.- So, Arlene Foster.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- Yes.- Look familiar to anyone?
0:05:17 > 0:05:20Yes, I've had to take legal proceedings, in fact,
0:05:20 > 0:05:22because in the current issue of Private Eye,
0:05:22 > 0:05:24they've compared the leader of the DUP
0:05:24 > 0:05:28to a much-beloved family entertainer.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Let's have a look.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33APPLAUSE
0:05:38 > 0:05:41There's very little similarity, and it's barely libellous.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43PAUL LAUGHS
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- I sued you once. - Did you? Did you win?- Yeah.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48As though I didn't know!
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Was the settlement a year's subscription to Private Eye?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Just to keep my eye, that they didn't repeat it.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Put us out of our misery - which is which?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04It's the one on the very, very right.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09So, what are the things we know about the DUP?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11They're against evolution.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13They're biblical literalists.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18- One of their early slogans, "Save Ulster from sodomy."- Yep.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20It's no worse than "strong and stable", come on.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Helpfully, someone on Twitter called Pearly Queen tweeted this...
0:06:36 > 0:06:38APPLAUSE
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Yes, the DUP are very conservative...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I mean, the Pope's anti-abortion and anti-gay sex, isn't he?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45I mean, it's not as though there's no-one else
0:06:45 > 0:06:48on the religious spectrum who believes this stuff, is there?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51The current Pope's a cool Pope, isn't he? He's the cool Pope.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53He's the cool Pope with the...
0:06:53 > 0:06:54- the same views.- Oh, OK. All right.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- He's just got sunglasses on, or something.- Yeah.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00These guys are more religious than the Pope, I think.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02They strike me as more religious than the Pope.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Now, that IS libellous.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06You mustn't forget that the DUP have been elected,
0:07:06 > 0:07:08and they're not completely anti-fun.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Would you like to see the DUP's joyful celebrations
0:07:11 > 0:07:13at last year's party conference?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Yeah!- I've seen this. - Thought you might.- Go on, then!
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Let's have a look.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19ALL: ..Arlene's on fire
0:07:19 > 0:07:20# Ooh!
0:07:20 > 0:07:21# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
0:07:21 > 0:07:23# Na, na, na, na, na
0:07:23 > 0:07:25# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
0:07:25 > 0:07:26# Na, na, na, na, na
0:07:26 > 0:07:28# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na
0:07:28 > 0:07:30# Na, na, na, na, na... #
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Thank God we only have to sing The Red Flag
0:07:34 > 0:07:36at the end of the Labour Party...
0:07:36 > 0:07:39DUP is actually the noise you make when you Google the DUP.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42"Dup! Ugh, God."
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Theresa May has learned her lesson
0:07:44 > 0:07:46about how she presents herself, hasn't she?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49She wouldn't do that slightly annoying thing
0:07:49 > 0:07:50of not answering a question
0:07:50 > 0:07:53and just repeating the same phrases over and over.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54- Would she?- No.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I'm pleased that people from across the party
0:07:56 > 0:07:58have agreed to serve in my Cabinet
0:07:58 > 0:08:01and we're going to be getting on with the job of government.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04A cabinet that will get on with the job of government.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Bringing that talent together
0:08:05 > 0:08:07to ensure that we can get on with the job.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11But what I'm doing now is actually getting on with the immediate job.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- INTERVIEWER:- How are you feeling?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I imagine you're feeling rather shell-shocked.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19What I'm feeling is that, actually, there is a job to be done,
0:08:19 > 0:08:21and I think what the public want
0:08:21 > 0:08:24is to ensure that the government is getting on with that job.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27This is a government getting on with the job.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30It's kind of sad no-one's turned up to her dinner party, though.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37There was a very strange word in there, did you see that?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39She said "talent".
0:08:40 > 0:08:44How desperate are you when you reappoint Michael Gove?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Did you see what Tom Watson said?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Is this the deputy leader of the Labour Party?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50That Tom Watson, yes.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Tom Watson alleges Gove was brought back
0:08:52 > 0:08:54on Rupert Murdoch's instructions.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56He's written a formal letter to Theresa May, saying...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, Gove was writing for The Times -
0:09:10 > 0:09:12and, you know, if you owned the paper,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14you'd be desperate to get rid of him.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19APPLAUSE
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Is that a professional editor's view you're giving us, there?- Yeah.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26The number of people I've put into the Cabinet...
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Bloody hell!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34He sent him... Tom Watson sent a letter?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38- Yes.- Politicians must be the only people writing letters still.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Is that why stuff takes so long to get done?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Can they not just e-mail? - No, it has to be written on vellum.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48- What is vellum? - Vellum? It's goat's skin.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52It's like very, very classy Basildon Bond notepaper.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- OK, you've confused me more now. - Yeah!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57It's like Snapchat with animal skin.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01APPLAUSE
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Let's see what Jacob Rees-Mogg has to say.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Let's have the view from 1785.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13I think you are classically overstating what has in fact happened.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16The Prime Minister goes into an election
0:10:16 > 0:10:19looking for a major mandate for the biggest constitutional change...
0:10:19 > 0:10:21- Hold on...- ..in recent history... - ..and you call it a shambles,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23you say that it's a butcher's slaughterhouse.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- This seems to me an extraordinary... - You used that phrase, not me.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29No, that's what "a shambles" means. I'm surprised you don't know.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Um...
0:10:33 > 0:10:37- PHIL:- Jacob Rees-Mogg is like a child's drawing of a Tory.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Boris Johnson -
0:10:42 > 0:10:44he's, of course, delighted with Michael Gove's return.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Did you see what he said?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- Was it not true?- Well, he tweeted...
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Which is Boris speak for, "I hope you die."
0:10:58 > 0:11:02So, Angela, you're a big fan of Boris, aren't you?
0:11:02 > 0:11:03- Great fan of Boris.- Yes.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Well, let's have a look at Angela assessing his credentials
0:11:06 > 0:11:08just after the referendum campaign.
0:11:08 > 0:11:13Oh, Boris is fun, he's great, isn't he? Bouncing around,
0:11:13 > 0:11:17sort of going to be the next Prime Minister, and all of that -
0:11:17 > 0:11:20and they never actually put him...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23They've just made him Foreign Secretary?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26APPLAUSE
0:11:30 > 0:11:32No!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I thought there might be lip-readers in the audience.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I was going to ask you that. What did you say when you turned round?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41It's unrepeatable on a family show.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44So, we saw Theresa May saying she's getting on with her job -
0:11:44 > 0:11:47what else does she have to do to convince voters?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Oh, she had to sack her advisers.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52This was a London resident.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53Let's take a look.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Theresa May said on the steps of Downing Street
0:11:55 > 0:11:58when she became Prime Minister, she talked about the underprivileged,
0:11:58 > 0:12:01those who had a sense of burning injustice.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Has Theresa May ever been to Aldi? Has she ever been Lidl?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06In her life. Let's be real.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09If she can tell me what Lidl looks like from the inside,
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I'll listen to what Theresa May's got to say.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13APPLAUSE
0:12:15 > 0:12:19I think it's a fair point. Angela, have you been inside Lidl?
0:12:19 > 0:12:20- Yep.- Can you tell us what it looks like?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Well, it's a supermarket.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25But what kind of supermarket?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Tell us.- Well, it's a kind of Italian...
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- Isn't it Italian or Spanish? - AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- I think it's German, isn't it? - German, a German supermarket.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- PHIL:- I think if I saw Theresa May in Lidl,
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I'd feel less confident about the country.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42APPLAUSE
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Looking at the whole Conservative election campaign,
0:12:46 > 0:12:50was it a debacle, a catostrophe... a catastrophe or a shambles?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- A "catostrophe"!- "Catostrophe." - There was a lot of tossers involved.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56- All of those things.- All of those?
0:12:56 > 0:12:59Absolutely all. It was the worst election campaign
0:12:59 > 0:13:01I think I've ever seen anybody run.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- What, including yours to challenge Jeremy?- Thank goodness.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08APPLAUSE
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- PHIL:- Sue him, sue him right now!
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- ANGELA:- To be fair, mine didn't last as long as this did.- No, no.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- You...- And I didn't have Lynton Crosby's extremely expensive advice.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- No, no, clearly.- Strong and stable.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27But you pulled out well in advance,
0:13:27 > 0:13:29so at least it spared us the rest of it.
0:13:29 > 0:13:34Listen, all I can say is, I did challenge Jeremy -
0:13:34 > 0:13:39but if the price of me being wrong
0:13:39 > 0:13:43is to watch Labour MPs and Labour candidates winning
0:13:43 > 0:13:47and Tories losing, and to see Theresa May's face at the count,
0:13:47 > 0:13:50if that's what I have to do prove that I was wrong,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- then that's a price worth paying. - Fine.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- But you are admitting that. - APPLAUSE
0:13:58 > 0:14:00So were you thrilled when the exit poll came out?
0:14:00 > 0:14:04Did you think, "Yes, Jeremy, you proved me absolutely wrong,
0:14:04 > 0:14:06"well done."?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I was thrilled - but I think everybody was astonished.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10On all sides.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12And I thought, "Well,
0:14:12 > 0:14:14"I think I'll get down to the count and see what's going on."
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Well, where were you?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Well, normally at the end of an election campaign, you dash home,
0:14:22 > 0:14:24because you've been up for 17 hours,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26you've knocked on as many doors as you can,
0:14:26 > 0:14:27you're absolutely exhausted.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29You go home, you have a quick bath.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30You get your suit on.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32You turn on the telly to see what the exit poll is,
0:14:32 > 0:14:35so you can see what the result is actually going to be,
0:14:35 > 0:14:36and then you digest that for a bit
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and then you go to your own count to see what's happening.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40- PHIL:- How do you have a quick bath?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- ANGELA:- Well, you have to.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44- PHIL:- Baths take ages.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- If... - The rest I understood,
0:14:49 > 0:14:50but the quick bath...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Now, George Osborne, he managed to maintain his smugness
0:14:56 > 0:14:58from election night on Thursday
0:14:58 > 0:15:01all the way through to the Andrew Marr Show on Sunday.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- Did you see this?- Yes.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06But there is blood in the water, and everyone can smell it.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Oh, yeah. I mean, Theresa May is a dead woman walking.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11It's just how long she's going to remain on death row.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Say what you mean, George.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17- I mean, you know, don't pull any punches.- He must be kicking himself,
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- though, don't you think?- If he'd have still been in Parliament...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Yeah.- ..we'd have had an interesting situation.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24He wouldn't have been able to resist.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26As it is, he just has to write big headlines,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29going, "Ha, ha, ha, ha, May!
0:15:29 > 0:15:30"You're useless."
0:15:30 > 0:15:33But then - you know, he might have just slipped in
0:15:33 > 0:15:37and become Prime Minister. Imagine.. Oh, God!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Right, OK, it's better.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43It's like Alien versus Predator. You don't want anyone to win,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45but it's nice to watch them go at each other.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47How have the Europeans reacted
0:15:47 > 0:15:51to the confusion and uncertainty in Britain?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Hasn't Macron offered to let us back in?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56He said, "You can just drop it, just drop it all now.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58"We all feel so sorry for you".
0:15:58 > 0:16:00We'll have to wait and see
0:16:00 > 0:16:03what this strong and stable government we've got,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06that's just about to start the Brexit negotiations next week,
0:16:06 > 0:16:08is going to do - but let's face it,
0:16:08 > 0:16:12she's taken over a week to try to negotiate with ten DUP members...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16APPLAUSE
0:16:18 > 0:16:19- And they all speak English.- Yeah!
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Did anyone see how Macron tricked Theresa May
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- into looking a bit stupid this week? - Yeah, the Mexican wave thing.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31At the France/England game.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- Yeah, he lured her into a Mexican wave.- Oh.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36Let's have a look.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47France beat England 3-2 that game,
0:16:47 > 0:16:51but Jeremy Corbyn is claiming it as a great victory for England.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57Macron did also say to Theresa May that the door is always open.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00The dirty devil. She's in the age range, though, isn't she?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04APPLAUSE
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Yes, this is Theresa May remaining in Number Ten,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12with her job being to unite the country.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13It's not clear to the Conservatives
0:17:13 > 0:17:16how Labour managed to get so many young people to vote for them.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20An issue which will be thoroughly examined by the 1922 Committee.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25According to The Guardian, at the first meeting of Labour MPs
0:17:25 > 0:17:27since the election, Jeremy Corbyn was greeted with cheers,
0:17:27 > 0:17:31a 45-second ovation and desk banging...
0:17:31 > 0:17:32which no-one in Labour has done
0:17:32 > 0:17:34since John Prescott and his secretary.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38With an eye to future success,
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Jeremy Corbyn has carried out his important reshuffle.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43There were few surprises -
0:17:43 > 0:17:46although he did move the marrows to a sunnier patch,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48plant more tomatoes and scatter some slug pellets.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50AUDIENCE MEMBER CHUCKLES LOUDLY
0:17:51 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Someone from the allotment.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00"Jeremy will be back on Tuesday."
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Paul and Angela, take a look at this.- Yes.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Yes, this is a man with an ear trumpet.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- Fondue.- Fondue. - Cheese.- Cheese.- Cheese.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15Scientists have discovered that cheese can help restore hearing,
0:18:15 > 0:18:18that's what the theory is.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22So the US Army are testing this by force-feeding some of their troops
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Stilton and cheddar to see whether it mitigates the hearing loss
0:18:26 > 0:18:29from standing next to those very loud explosions
0:18:29 > 0:18:31that you tend to get when you're in the Armed Forces.
0:18:31 > 0:18:35- Does it work? - Don't know, they're testing it!
0:18:35 > 0:18:38I think, in practice, they're testing everything, alphabetically.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Now we're on cheese.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Next week, it'll be Dalmatians.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44How does cheese cure deafness, what's the...?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Well, has it been certain that it does?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50There's some kind of enzyme or some...
0:18:50 > 0:18:52thing in cheese that helps.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55You're such an expert on this, how do you know all this?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58It's... When you've been a minister and a MP for...
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Cheese!- ..so long...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- I was the Minister for Allotments once, actually.- Were you?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Yeah, but, erm...
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You pick up vast amounts of irrelevant information.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Hang on, you were Minister for Allotments?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- Yeah.- What did that involve doing?
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Winning World War II!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17So, how does cheese cure deafness?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Cheese contains a chemical compound which seems to protect against
0:19:20 > 0:19:24and even reverse the damage to nerve cells in the ear
0:19:24 > 0:19:26caused by loud noises, apparently -
0:19:26 > 0:19:29but what's the problem with this cure? There is a problem with it.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32You have to eat a lot of cheese. A hell of a lot of cheese.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34That's absolutely right, you do have to eat a lot of it to do any good.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37About five pounds of cheese, in fact.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- A day or an hour?- Well, you tell me,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43you were Minister of Cheese or whatever it was at some point!
0:19:43 > 0:19:46But this would suggest no-one in France is deaf.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Which I'm not sure is true.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Now, another politician who used to be interested in cheese
0:19:52 > 0:19:55was former Minister for the Environment Secretary,
0:19:55 > 0:19:56former Justice Secretary,
0:19:56 > 0:19:58now Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Liz Truss.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Yes.- Let's remind ourselves.- Yeah. - APPLAUSE
0:20:01 > 0:20:03That speech.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06We import two-thirds of our cheese.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11That is a disgrace.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15APPLAUSE
0:20:18 > 0:20:21It's like Morecambe and Wise, I just want it on all the time!
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Now, in other food news...- Oh, yes. - Yes, here we go.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29What did the recently-deceased Sam Panopoulos do
0:20:29 > 0:20:33with pineapple chunks that no-one else had ever thought of doing?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35He invented the Hawaiian pizza.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37He was working on a cure for deafness...
0:20:37 > 0:20:42and he stumbled across... A sensation.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- Hawaiian pizza.- That's right, yes.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48He put them on top of a pizza, thus inventing the Hawaiian -
0:20:48 > 0:20:51but it's always wise to check the best-before date on pineapple
0:20:51 > 0:20:52before adding it to a Hawaiian pizza,
0:20:52 > 0:20:54or you could spend the next day "on a loo-loo".
0:20:54 > 0:20:56LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:20:57 > 0:21:02Meanwhile, the President of Iceland, Gudni Thorlacious Johannesson,
0:21:02 > 0:21:05has voiced a strong opinion about pineapple on pizza.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07What has he said?
0:21:07 > 0:21:08Well, he clearly doesn't like it,
0:21:08 > 0:21:10otherwise it wouldn't be a news story.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11So, he said it's an abomination.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15The pineapple should never mix with the tomato, they should be separate.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17- They're two different things. - That's right.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Gudni Thorlacious Johannesson, the President of Iceland...
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Thorlacious? We've let that one go through twice now!- Thorlacious.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Nobody's said a word about that!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Right, one more time - what's his name?
0:21:29 > 0:21:33- Gudni...Thor-lack-ious, or Thorlacious, I don't know...- Yeah.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- ..Johannesson...- Would have thought pineapple chunks
0:21:35 > 0:21:37would be the last thing that worries him.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- According to the Telegraph...- Yeah. - ..he said he was...
0:21:42 > 0:21:43..and would ban it...
0:21:46 > 0:21:50- There's more food news.- Yeah. - This is getting even better.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Why are croissants under threat in France?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55AUDIENCE MURMURS
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- Genuine worry from the audience! - Yeah!
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Gasps from the audience. - "Our croissants!"
0:21:59 > 0:22:00Well, the rising price of butter,
0:22:00 > 0:22:02which makes up 25% of the ingredients,
0:22:02 > 0:22:07means the cost of making a croissant has nearly doubled in the past year.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11For a bonus point, on Have I Got Middle Class News For You,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13how do you know if the croissant you're eating
0:22:13 > 0:22:15is made with butter or not?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16It says on the pack.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20If you drop it and it goes on...
0:22:20 > 0:22:23If it falls... Wait...
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- If it lands on either side, it's butter...- Yeah.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29If it's got no butter, it'll just hover...
0:22:29 > 0:22:30- Like... - LAUGHTER
0:22:30 > 0:22:34If you get a sunflower and hold it underneath the croissant's chin...
0:22:34 > 0:22:37you can tell whether it's got any butter in it.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40In France, only croissants made with butter can be straight in shape.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Croissants made with margarine are usually crescent shaped -
0:22:44 > 0:22:45and the reason for that
0:22:45 > 0:22:47is a whole different but equally fascinating story.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50Let's move on.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53We'll have to wait for the film to come out for that one.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58This is the news that cheese may improve your hearing.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01As part of the experiment, American soldiers are going to be supplied
0:23:01 > 0:23:03with large chunks of Parmesan.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06That's one way to make America GRATE again.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11APPLAUSE
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Also this week, the inventor of the Hawaiian pizza has died.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17It was a very emotionally-charged funeral.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Papa John was crying his eyes out and, as always,
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Sloppy Giuseppe was a complete mess.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26So, at that end of that round, the scores are...
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Paul and Angela have 2, and Ian and Phil have 2.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Yay!
0:23:31 > 0:23:32APPLAUSE
0:23:38 > 0:23:41And so to Round Two, the picture spin quiz.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49BUZZER
0:23:49 > 0:23:52This is Donald Trump's Cabinet meeting
0:23:52 > 0:23:54in which he's instructed them all to praise him,
0:23:54 > 0:23:58one by one, and say what a great job he's doing.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00It's the eeriest thing you've ever seen.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02It's really gross.
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Let's have a look.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Mr President, er, I... A privilege to be here.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Deeply honoured and I want to thank you for keeping your commitment
0:24:11 > 0:24:13to the American workers.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17I want to thank you for getting this country moving...
0:24:17 > 0:24:20again and also working again.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22We thank you for the opportunity and the blessing
0:24:22 > 0:24:25that you've given us, to serve your agenda.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Thank you, Mr President.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29It was a great honour, travelling with you around the country
0:24:29 > 0:24:31for the last year and an even greater honour to be here
0:24:31 > 0:24:33serving in your cabinet.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35AUDIENCE GROANS
0:24:35 > 0:24:38It's like everyone's made Donald cry at his birthday party
0:24:38 > 0:24:42and the parents have forced them to sit down and say sorry.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Do you think they're watching that in North Korea going,
0:24:45 > 0:24:46"Oh, that's a bit sycophantic"?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Well, in response to this, what did Democrat Chuck Schumer do?
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Chucked.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- Chucked, yeah!- I dunno...
0:24:55 > 0:24:56He wasn't very happy.
0:24:56 > 0:25:00Perhaps he sort of tweeted his own support of Donald Trump
0:25:00 > 0:25:02in a special way.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04- He did his own version of that meeting...- Oh, yes.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06..with his own group of people. Let's have a look.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I want to thank everybody for coming,
0:25:08 > 0:25:10I just thought we'd go around the room.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Lucy, how'd we do on the Sunday Show yesterday?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Your tone was perfect. You were right on message.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Michelle, how'd my hair look coming out of the gym this morning?
0:25:17 > 0:25:20You have great hair. Nobody has better hair than you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Before we go any further, I just want to say thank you
0:25:22 > 0:25:26for the opportunity and blessing to serve your agenda.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29THEY LAUGH
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I was wondering when they'd crack. Very funny.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Nobody tell the Prime Minister
0:25:34 > 0:25:37that that's how you run Cabinet meetings...
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Yes, this is the news that President Trump has been confirmed as great
0:25:41 > 0:25:43after his Cabinet ministers were individually invited
0:25:43 > 0:25:46to sing his praises - but during this, the first full Cabinet meeting
0:25:46 > 0:25:47since he took office,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50who offered President Trump the most effusive praise?
0:25:50 > 0:25:53- Steve Bannon?- No.- No, not him. - Anybody else?
0:25:53 > 0:25:54- No?- Rex Tillerson?- No.- Comey?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- His wife. - Someone a bit more close to home.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- His daughter. His son-in-law. - Ivanka.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Closer than that.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- His wife, his daughter...- Closer. - Himself.- Yes, himself.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06He said - this is what he said, he said...
0:26:11 > 0:26:15He can't do a whole sentence without lying, can he?!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Yes - so, since Trump's been president,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20how much major legislation has been passed by Congress?
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- Nothing.- No.- Correct.- Nothing.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26It's not been great so far, has it?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- It's almost as if he's a bad president.- Oh...!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32What's been the latest development
0:26:32 > 0:26:34in the Russia enquiry regarding Trump?
0:26:34 > 0:26:36They're getting closer!
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Step-by-step, the whiff of Trump is in the air.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43As his minions are slowly pushed aside,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46they will find one very sad fuckwit on a golden throne.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Crying at images of himself
0:26:51 > 0:26:54as he realises the world has completely misunderstood him.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57That's exactly the right answer, well done!
0:26:57 > 0:26:58APPLAUSE
0:26:58 > 0:27:00That's what's going to happen.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05They're now investigating him for the cover-up
0:27:05 > 0:27:07rather than the actual Russian influence,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10and he's tweeting about it in a very angry mood very late at night.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12- Which is Watergate all over, isn't it?- Yeah, it's Watergate.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13Covering up the cover-up.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15- Get them for the cover-up, not the actual...- Yeah.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19- Donald Trump is to be probed...- Yes.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- ..for...- I hope they have a running start, whoever does it!
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Hundred yards.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28..for obstruction of justice, is what they call it.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Finally, yet another leader of a country
0:27:30 > 0:27:32has been openly mocking Donald Trump.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull - what's he been doing?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38He did a sort of impression of him,
0:27:38 > 0:27:40but he didn't know he was being filmed.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43He did an impression of Donald Trump and everyone laughed
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- and now he's in trouble. - Yes.- Kind of.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48He did an impression of the summit -
0:27:48 > 0:27:50but he did it at a meeting full of journalists...
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Suggests he hasn't been Prime Minister very long.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Or he's very proud of his impression.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- Indeed, yeah. - Wants to get it out there.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- Shall we take a look? - Yeah, go on, then.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33You see, that's a straightforward libel.
0:28:35 > 0:28:38Yes, this is another event-filled week for Donald Trump
0:28:38 > 0:28:40and his family. According to The Sun,
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Donald Trump convened a meeting in which...
0:28:45 > 0:28:49It's what's commonly known in the White House as orange-nosing.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:28:59 > 0:29:00BUZZER
0:29:00 > 0:29:02This is a wildlife documentary.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05This is an iguana running away from snakes
0:29:05 > 0:29:08and it was a very brilliantly photographed bit of footage
0:29:08 > 0:29:11and you've got to spend hours, months, weekends,
0:29:11 > 0:29:13days, forever trying to get this stuff,
0:29:13 > 0:29:17and somebody complained because there's a cutaway to another iguana,
0:29:17 > 0:29:21a sort of close-up thing and they said this is cheating somehow,
0:29:21 > 0:29:22as if you can make an iguana...
0:29:22 > 0:29:25"Sorry, love, we missed that, can we do it again?"
0:29:25 > 0:29:27So, I don't understand why people are confused
0:29:27 > 0:29:29about how films are made.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32- There was a stunt double iguana, is that what...?- No.- Oh.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34- There wasn't.- Oh, OK.
0:29:34 > 0:29:37That's why I didn't use the words "stunt double iguana".
0:29:37 > 0:29:40It was one iguana filmed being chased by snakes
0:29:40 > 0:29:43and then they had perhaps a close-up of an iguana looking happy
0:29:43 > 0:29:47and that was another iguana - but it was one iguana...
0:29:47 > 0:29:48LAUGHTER
0:29:48 > 0:29:52Am I the only one that finds this incredibly simple to understand?
0:29:53 > 0:29:55We've got an iguana now, but that one's not the same one!
0:29:55 > 0:29:56Bin it!
0:29:58 > 0:30:00How could they tell it wasn't the same iguana?
0:30:00 > 0:30:01Well, because - I don't know,
0:30:01 > 0:30:04maybe it had a hat on or something, I don't know.
0:30:04 > 0:30:08"Up the Gunners", I don't know. He had a badge, I don't know.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Is it true Arsene Wenger's leaving?
0:30:14 > 0:30:18- No, I think it was a protest registered by the snakes.- Yeah.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21Because they're shown in this film to be incompetent.
0:30:21 > 0:30:24- Very poor light.- There are hundreds of them chasing one baby iguana
0:30:24 > 0:30:27and they're so useless, they don't get anywhere near him,
0:30:27 > 0:30:28and the iguana escapes -
0:30:28 > 0:30:32and I think they protested, saying it's rigged.
0:30:33 > 0:30:36The footage is completely faked, we won the encounter...
0:30:38 > 0:30:42..and David Attenborough really should just resign.
0:30:43 > 0:30:46- Can we see the footage? It's so good.- It's great.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48I mean, it's a fantastic piece of film.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50You want to see the fakery row,
0:30:50 > 0:30:53the scene involving the lizard and the snake?
0:30:53 > 0:30:54- Yeah.- OK, let's have a look.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:04 > 0:31:07I'd like to say I'm proud of the part I unconsciously played
0:31:07 > 0:31:08in the set-up of that joke.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12Now, it won the Must-See Moment at last year's Baftas -
0:31:12 > 0:31:14what did it beat?
0:31:14 > 0:31:16It beat Ed Balls' dancing.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Yes, now, that was faked cos he had magnets on his feet
0:31:19 > 0:31:22and there was somebody underneath the floor moving them like that...
0:31:23 > 0:31:26That's right, it was Ed Balls' Gangnam Style dance.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29Now, this is probably going to annoy Paul even more -
0:31:29 > 0:31:31but this isn't the first time the BBC's been accused
0:31:31 > 0:31:34of faking footage. Frozen Planet showed footage
0:31:34 > 0:31:38of newborn polar bears which turned out to be in an animal park.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40You know the Teletubbies aren't real?
0:31:41 > 0:31:44There's tiny versions of the same thing inside the costumes.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- They weren't tall enough for telly. - Now you're just being silly.
0:31:47 > 0:31:48- Exactly.- I'm sorry, they are real.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50You were doing so well up until that point.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53I know, I just lost it, I got angry, I started lashing out.
0:31:54 > 0:31:55Angela, have you got a view?
0:31:55 > 0:32:00I think they should say which scenes are filmed in animal parks.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04- For transparency purposes.- Right.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:32:06 > 0:32:07But how... How does that work?
0:32:07 > 0:32:09Will they have a subtitle saying, "This is in a zoo," or...?
0:32:09 > 0:32:11- They do it... - Would David Attenborough come in
0:32:11 > 0:32:13and go, "This next bit's rubbish"?
0:32:14 > 0:32:17This is the shock news that the iguana versus snake scene
0:32:17 > 0:32:20in Planet Earth II might have been faked.
0:32:20 > 0:32:21I don't see what all the fuss is about
0:32:21 > 0:32:23with the BBC filming several iguanas -
0:32:23 > 0:32:24I mean, they've used at least two
0:32:24 > 0:32:26different Attenboroughs over the years
0:32:26 > 0:32:27and no-one's ever complained.
0:32:29 > 0:32:31Which means, at the end of this round,
0:32:31 > 0:32:33- it's 3 points to Paul and Angela... - Oh, yes.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35..and 3 points to Ian and Phil.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37- Very good. - APPLAUSE
0:32:43 > 0:32:46Time, now, for the Odd One Out round.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47Your four are...
0:32:47 > 0:32:50The spire of St Mary's in Chesterfield...
0:32:50 > 0:32:51a moon of Saturn...
0:32:51 > 0:32:53the wonky phone box of Bettws...
0:32:53 > 0:32:56and the zero on the door of No 10.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Well, I think they're all out of alignment.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00They're all a bit wonky.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02It's hard to tell with the moon.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05It's always hard to tell when a sphere is on its side...
0:33:08 > 0:33:11..but maybe its axis of rotation is not...
0:33:11 > 0:33:13- Yeah, I think it's...like that. - Yeah.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17It's not parallel to the floor... of space.
0:33:19 > 0:33:22- That's very technical.- Yeah. - Yeah. No, quite right.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Are they all leaning - and the zero...
0:33:25 > 0:33:26is that not...
0:33:26 > 0:33:29- Is that on its side, as well? - It's actually an O?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Well, there's a "U", and it's dropped off.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32It's Britain's deficit.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Well, they all started off straight,
0:33:36 > 0:33:38and then went wonky,
0:33:38 > 0:33:42except the zero on the No 10 door, which has always been wonky.
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Oh!
0:33:44 > 0:33:48The wonky box of Bettws is a dilapidated red phone box
0:33:48 > 0:33:52near Abergavenny, which has just been given £3,000 of lottery money
0:33:52 > 0:33:55to be stood upright and restored.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58What is the restored telephone box going to be used for?
0:33:58 > 0:33:59Calling people?
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Putting cards for massage parlours in.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06Residents say it will be...
0:34:09 > 0:34:11It'll also house a defibrillator,
0:34:11 > 0:34:13for use by visitors when they discover
0:34:13 > 0:34:15a public library still exists.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18The orbit of Saturn's moon Enceladus is wonky,
0:34:18 > 0:34:21but is believed to have once been straight.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24For a bonus point, can anyone name any of Saturn's other moons?
0:34:24 > 0:34:26- Titan.- Yes, Titan is one.
0:34:26 > 0:34:27Europa?
0:34:27 > 0:34:29No, that's a football league.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Ban Ki-moon?
0:34:35 > 0:34:37APPLAUSE
0:34:42 > 0:34:44..and you can also find those names on a register
0:34:44 > 0:34:46at any Islington nursery.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51Now, the Chesterfield church is best known for having a twisted spire.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54Common folklore suggests that the spire was twisted by...
0:34:58 > 0:35:02Now, does anyone know why the zero on the door of No 10 Downing Street
0:35:02 > 0:35:05has always sloped 37 degrees to the left?
0:35:05 > 0:35:07Is it BBC bias?
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Was it an unexpected virgin turned up...?
0:35:14 > 0:35:16Well, the zero was painted on in the 1960s
0:35:16 > 0:35:19in the standard Trajan font used by the Ministry of Works
0:35:19 > 0:35:22- at the time.- Wrong font.
0:35:22 > 0:35:26Yes, the answer is, they all started off straight, and then went wonky,
0:35:26 > 0:35:29except the zero on the No 10 door,
0:35:29 > 0:35:30which has always been wonky.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Nasa scientists have recently come up with an explanation
0:35:33 > 0:35:36as to why one of Saturn's moons is wonky.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39They think the moon was hit by an asteroid that made the rotation...
0:35:41 > 0:35:44..which is a shame, as it started out strong and stable.
0:35:45 > 0:35:46A football club in Argentina
0:35:46 > 0:35:49has been ordered to fix the wonky pitch they have been playing
0:35:49 > 0:35:51on for almost 30 years. Here it is.
0:35:54 > 0:35:57The world of football hasn't seen something this crooked
0:35:57 > 0:35:58since Sepp Blatter.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Which means, at the end of this round,
0:36:02 > 0:36:03it's 3 points to Ian and Phil,
0:36:03 > 0:36:05and 5 to Paul and Angela.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08- APPLAUSE - Doing well.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10No, we got that right...
0:36:10 > 0:36:12- Didn't we?- I think so.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16Time now for the Missing Words round which, this week,
0:36:16 > 0:36:19features as its guest publication Toastmaster,
0:36:19 > 0:36:21the magazine for public speakers.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23We start with...
0:36:25 > 0:36:27- PHIL:- Elections.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31APPLAUSE
0:36:34 > 0:36:36The answer is...
0:36:38 > 0:36:39- Let's take a look.- Yeah.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44That's horrible.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47I got one of them for Christmas.
0:36:48 > 0:36:49Next...
0:36:52 > 0:36:54"I am a failure."
0:36:56 > 0:36:59"We used more than one iguana."
0:37:00 > 0:37:04- ANGELA:- "Strong and stable."- Yeah.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05"Hi, I'm Michael Gove."
0:37:08 > 0:37:09Well, the answer is...
0:37:11 > 0:37:12Next...
0:37:15 > 0:37:17- PHIL:- Diced bread?
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Sliced bread is the best thing since sliced bread, apparently.
0:37:20 > 0:37:21Yes, that's true.
0:37:21 > 0:37:24Scientists have conclusively proved there's no difference
0:37:24 > 0:37:26between white and brown -
0:37:26 > 0:37:27but you try telling that to Ukip.
0:37:30 > 0:37:31Next...
0:37:35 > 0:37:38- PHIL:- ..humans that the dogs can keep as pets.
0:37:40 > 0:37:42No, the answer is...
0:37:46 > 0:37:48- ANGELA:- Of course(!) - This is a new designer doghouse
0:37:48 > 0:37:51that costs up to £150,000.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54There are various models on offer, including this Roman one.
0:37:54 > 0:37:55What?!
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Which, as you can see, has four outside urinals.
0:38:00 > 0:38:01Next...
0:38:03 > 0:38:06- ANGELA:- ..is going to be taken over by Theresa May
0:38:06 > 0:38:09to pay for his social care, cos he's getting on a bit.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16He's given her an E-I-E-IOU.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19- RAGGED CHEER - Thank you very much!
0:38:19 > 0:38:22Old Macdonald's Farm never really existed,
0:38:22 > 0:38:24it's a children's nursery rhyme.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27The answer - I'm afraid none of that is true - it's...
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- Oh!- The Daily Mail says the original song is out of date,
0:38:31 > 0:38:34and modern farmers now use drones and...
0:38:38 > 0:38:40Hope they don't do that while they're using drones,
0:38:40 > 0:38:42or the shit could really hit the fan.
0:38:43 > 0:38:44Next...
0:38:49 > 0:38:53- PHIL:- ..pronounced "quinoa", not "quin-ower".
0:38:53 > 0:38:56..impossible to talk while up to your eyes in barbiturates.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02Unless you know differently, of course!
0:39:02 > 0:39:04The answer...
0:39:06 > 0:39:08Next up...
0:39:10 > 0:39:12Is it Melania?
0:39:13 > 0:39:18- It's the Mysterious Fish, is the weirdest mascot ever seen.- Oh.
0:39:18 > 0:39:20A Japanese baseball team this week unveiled their new mascot.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Let's have a look at it.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36APPLAUSE
0:39:38 > 0:39:40And finally...
0:39:42 > 0:39:43- PHIL:- A slightly smaller hedge.
0:39:46 > 0:39:48Basil Brush.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50- We'll get there eventually. - Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53- We'll get there. You just keep going.- Fruitjuice Fruitjuice-Barley.
0:39:53 > 0:39:55No, bit more.
0:39:55 > 0:39:58It's a person related to her.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00- Her husband? - Oh, close, I'll give you it.
0:40:00 > 0:40:01It's her son's face.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03Let's have a look at her son.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07- Yeah, that's fair enough.- Yeah, and now let's have a look at her hedge.
0:40:11 > 0:40:12I think that's pretty good.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15The hedges were sculpted by Michelle Foley,
0:40:15 > 0:40:17who created likenesses of her partner, Andrew,
0:40:17 > 0:40:20and her 21-year-old son, Brennan.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22According to The Sun...
0:40:24 > 0:40:26Draw your curtains, mate!
0:40:26 > 0:40:28So, the final scores are...
0:40:28 > 0:40:30It's 4 points to Ian and Phil
0:40:30 > 0:40:33- and 5 to Paul and Angela. - Well done, well done.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35APPLAUSE
0:40:35 > 0:40:37Yeah.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40On which note, we say thank you to our panellists,
0:40:40 > 0:40:43Ian Hislop and Phil Wang, Paul Merton and Angela Eagle -
0:40:43 > 0:40:46and I leave you with news that at a secret research lab,
0:40:46 > 0:40:48as two Government visitors
0:40:48 > 0:40:51are shown a new deadly and completely undetectable poison,
0:40:51 > 0:40:54they're both struck by the same tempting thought...
0:40:58 > 0:41:01After Tim Farron's resignation leaves a vacancy
0:41:01 > 0:41:02at the top of the party,
0:41:02 > 0:41:05the Lib Dems' most qualified candidate puts themselves forward...
0:41:08 > 0:41:10And, having been praised effusively by his Cabinet,
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Donald Trump fails to receive similar respect
0:41:13 > 0:41:15from his motorcycle escort.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20APPLAUSE
0:41:20 > 0:41:22Good night.
0:41:22 > 0:41:25APPLAUSE