0:00:36 > 0:00:40Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Stephen Mangan.
0:00:40 > 0:00:49In the news: The British Davis Cup tennis team hear the announcement
0:00:49 > 0:00:55that from now on serving double faults will not be penalised.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58In a conference centre in Athens, on hearing a third recipe for
0:00:58 > 0:01:07stuffed vine leaves, one man begins to realise he's in the wrong
0:01:07 > 0:01:12meeting. And at a Lib Dem conference,
0:01:12 > 0:01:20delegates are invited to vote in favour of the motion that Nick
0:01:20 > 0:01:25Clegg doesn't have the faintest idea what he's doing.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29With Ian is a comedian and actor who believes we have our own inner
0:01:29 > 0:01:37idiot inside us. In his case he's probably got room for two or three.
0:01:37 > 0:01:42Please welcome Greg Davies. APPLAUSE
0:01:42 > 0:01:46With Paul is a journalist who as a child, dreamed of marriage to John
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Taylor from Duran Duran. And for younger viewers I should explain,
0:01:50 > 0:01:55marriage is something couples used to do when they planned to stay
0:01:55 > 0:02:00fogt more than a year or two. -- planned to stay together for more
0:02:01 > 0:02:05than a year or two. Welcome Dent didn't. We start with the biggest -
0:02:05 > 0:02:10- Grace Dent. Now the biggest stories of the week. That's Greece.
0:02:10 > 0:02:16Or it was. It may be part of Germany by now. Papandreou is
0:02:16 > 0:02:20announcing something new. She's saying "No way. Chuck it out. "This
0:02:20 > 0:02:25is the latest bail out of a bail out. By the time we go out
0:02:25 > 0:02:29something else might have happened. Can I just say early doors, I'm
0:02:29 > 0:02:34unlikely to make any insightful satirical remarks during this show.
0:02:34 > 0:02:42If someone on the camera, when Ian makes one could come to me and I'll
0:02:42 > 0:02:50smile appreciatively... LAUGHTER
0:02:50 > 0:02:54APPLAUSE No pressure then. I am aware of the
0:02:54 > 0:02:59Greek crisis. Oh, good. understanding is that Papandreou?
0:03:00 > 0:03:05Very good, yes. My understanding is it's all his fault any way. Well,
0:03:05 > 0:03:14I'm glad no-one's asked you then. Apparently about six months ago he
0:03:14 > 0:03:17borrowed a tenner off wonga.com. Now they owe �83 billion. There was
0:03:17 > 0:03:20meant to be a deal done and then Papandreou said I'm going to ask
0:03:20 > 0:03:25the Greek people what they think. Which is pretty ludicrous. Asking
0:03:25 > 0:03:32the public what they think about their own future, it wouldn't
0:03:32 > 0:03:36happen in this countryment so there -- country. There was going to be a
0:03:36 > 0:03:41referendum. The Germans and French said "We're paying. So it better be
0:03:41 > 0:03:45a yes." So it suggests they haven't got the hang of democracy. So
0:03:45 > 0:03:51literally the referendum has to say "Would you like to leave the euro -
0:03:51 > 0:03:57no or no?" Europe are counting on China helping us out. Basically the
0:03:57 > 0:04:03Chinese Finance Minister he turned up at the G20 and everyone is
0:04:03 > 0:04:12suddenly being nice to him. "Have you lost weight?" Apparently
0:04:12 > 0:04:17Berlusconi has offended the Chinese President by doing an incredibly
0:04:17 > 0:04:20ill judged knock knock joke. They keep saying that Berlusconi should
0:04:21 > 0:04:24move out of the spotlight because he's doing so many bad things. As a
0:04:24 > 0:04:29woman I'd prefer him in the spotlight because I can see where
0:04:29 > 0:04:38his hands are. Angela Merkel hates him, because he called her a
0:04:38 > 0:04:43(BLEEP) lard bucket. Who does your translations for you? Everyone's
0:04:43 > 0:04:53got to have a nickname I suppose. always think Angela Merkel sounds
0:04:53 > 0:04:54
0:04:54 > 0:04:58lick a specialist fishing boat. -- bait. Have you got anything? Yeah
0:04:58 > 0:05:02no, terrific. How did a government insider defend the announcement?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05doesn't know what he's doing. pretty much. He said "There was
0:05:05 > 0:05:13absolutely no logic in informing foreign leaders in advance of the
0:05:13 > 0:05:18decision as they would only have said it was wrong. "They've
0:05:18 > 0:05:25some stuff to sell, Greece. Their version of antiques road show would
0:05:25 > 0:05:31be amazing. Shall we play name seven things the Greeks invented
0:05:31 > 0:05:41according to the Sun? Yes. Feta cheese. Democracy. That's one of
0:05:41 > 0:05:42
0:05:42 > 0:05:50them. The Olympics? Yes. Nana ps Maccouri. That's not there. Drama?
0:05:50 > 0:05:58No. Satire. They are mazes, the Olympics, democracy, theatre,
0:05:58 > 0:06:07geometry, lesbians... LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:11And N-Dubz. There was quite a drop off after democracy. In fact the
0:06:11 > 0:06:17Sun had a piece "what have the Greeks ever done for us?" The time
0:06:17 > 0:06:27line is like this. 10,000 BC, Hercules performs 12 impossible
0:06:27 > 0:06:38
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Hercules performs 12 impossible It's not just Greece that's in
0:06:42 > 0:06:47trouble. What was one Spanish mayor's idea for solving his town's
0:06:47 > 0:06:53financial crisis? Has he taken all the property back? No. It's the
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Mayor of Cacabelos. His brainwave was to bet the entire national
0:06:57 > 0:07:02budget on the Spanish National Lottery.
0:07:02 > 0:07:06Guess what? Their numbers didn't come up. They also had a
0:07:06 > 0:07:10scratchcard but unfortunately no- one has a coin.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15As Italy's economic crisis continues, evidence has emerged
0:07:15 > 0:07:22that Silvio Berlusconi has made payments of 2.7 million euros to
0:07:22 > 0:07:27glamorous women. Including 135,000 to a Russian model. 275,000 to an
0:07:27 > 0:07:32Italian actress and 220,000 euros to Miss Lithuania. Come on Miss
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Greece, Your Country Needs You. Paul and Grace have a lock at this.
0:07:36 > 0:07:42It looks like a royal crown there. That is Prince Charles talking to
0:07:42 > 0:07:45somebody. Oh, right yes. OK this is about the Royal Family. I have
0:07:45 > 0:07:48determined that by the various examples that you've shown me there.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52If you're a lady you're allowed to become Queen now. If the oldest
0:07:52 > 0:07:57born is a daughter she can become queen. This is still restricted to
0:07:57 > 0:08:02the Royal Family. Difficult for outsiders to break in. It's not the
0:08:02 > 0:08:06whole of the aristocracy. If you've been watching Downton Abbey, if
0:08:06 > 0:08:11they brought this in for everyone they wouldn't be in that mess.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16lady Mary would inherit the abbey. Thank goodness for that. Something
0:08:16 > 0:08:19on ITV caught your interest Mr Hislop? I was watching it and it
0:08:19 > 0:08:24was full of this stuff about insurance companies. But then there
0:08:24 > 0:08:28was stuff about Downton Abbey in between, which I quite enjoyed.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32It's the news that the laws of succession are to be changed.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36There's a handy guide to how the change affects the current line up.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Prince Andrew's dropped from fourth to seventh, seen as good news by...
0:08:41 > 0:08:46Well, just about everyone I think. Nicholas Witchell has moved up a
0:08:46 > 0:08:52couple of places. Lovely to see. Who's currently in
0:08:52 > 0:09:00number eight but will drop to number 12? Prince Harry?
0:09:00 > 0:09:10Viscount Severn. Is he in the matrix? But there's six previous
0:09:10 > 0:09:11
0:09:11 > 0:09:16prototypes. He's a biscuit isn't he? They're delicious. He's Jimmy
0:09:16 > 0:09:21Windsor, Prince Edward and Sophie's son. I've never seen a photo of him.
0:09:21 > 0:09:28This is quite a big thing for women I think. You know who was our
0:09:28 > 0:09:33biggest supporter on this, Geoffrey archer. Feminist icon. Really?
0:09:33 > 0:09:38a small step towards modernising the Royal Family. They are still
0:09:38 > 0:09:40riding around in massive gold carriages. They're about as modern
0:09:41 > 0:09:44as my granddad's views on the Chinese.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49I feel sorry for Kate. I don't know, I saw her this week and I think
0:09:49 > 0:09:54she's looking thinner than I've ever seen her. She was out doing a,
0:09:54 > 0:10:00you know that, open grin or whatever you do. Scrounging for
0:10:00 > 0:10:06food round the back of the bins? After everybody criticised her for
0:10:06 > 0:10:12not being confident enough. Or for being too thin. Yeah, well no. I'm
0:10:12 > 0:10:21saying that from a caring point of view. "Oh, she's so thin, isn't
0:10:21 > 0:10:30she?" I don't mean it like that. Are we seeing the birth of a new
0:10:30 > 0:10:35mime artist? Don't be horrible to me again.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40You were horrible about me in Private Eye. Was I? Yeah, it's OK.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44I rang you up and you just went "Yeah, no, I'm sorry."
0:10:44 > 0:10:50LAUGHTER And I couldn't stay mad at you
0:10:50 > 0:11:00because you're adorable. That hasn't worked for everyone you
0:11:00 > 0:11:02
0:11:02 > 0:11:06upset. Well not with Geoffrey, no. I feel guilty now. Honestly. No I
0:11:06 > 0:11:10don't really. According to the Sun under the new arrangements who
0:11:10 > 0:11:15would have been on the British throne during Word War I?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Kaiser. Absolutely correct. wouldn't have been on the throne
0:11:19 > 0:11:23during Word War I, because he wouldn't be running Germany, he
0:11:23 > 0:11:26would have been running Britain. There wouldn't have been a war.
0:11:26 > 0:11:30first and second world wars would never have happened and we would
0:11:30 > 0:11:36all be driving top of the range audies embracing low levels of
0:11:36 > 0:11:39personal debt. APPLAUSE
0:11:39 > 0:11:48Meanwhile, who has Prince Charles discovered he's related to?
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Queen? The answer is Vlad the Impaler. Talking about his
0:11:53 > 0:11:59fascination with Romania, Prince Charles told the Mail "I'm
0:11:59 > 0:12:03descended from Vlad the Impaler, so I do have a stake in the country."
0:12:03 > 0:12:08Incidentally, they published a picture to accompany the article.
0:12:08 > 0:12:13Here it is. Who tucks their tie into their trousers? It's a man who
0:12:13 > 0:12:16works for him. Yes, this is a change to the laws
0:12:16 > 0:12:20of succession. The upside is that Prince Andrew goes from fourth in
0:12:20 > 0:12:26line to seventh. Although on the other hand, Zara Philips goes up
0:12:26 > 0:12:31from 12th to sixth, taking with her Prince Mike of Tindall Duke of
0:12:31 > 0:12:35dwarf throwing. And here's one more: Yes, this is
0:12:35 > 0:12:39somebody operating in black and white. This must be the 75th
0:12:39 > 0:12:45anniversary of television. Those days of programmes lasted about 20
0:12:45 > 0:12:49seconds. She's gone. Is this it, 75 years of British television, BBC?
0:12:49 > 0:12:59That's right. What was the first programme? Was it Bruce Forsyth
0:12:59 > 0:13:04
0:13:04 > 0:13:09presents? It was this: She's miming. Any idea what the second programme
0:13:09 > 0:13:15broadcast was? It's the BBC, it was a repeat. Is the right answer.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19Let's have a look at the second programme broadcast.
0:13:19 > 0:13:23It's often said TV is not as good as it used to be. And it's been
0:13:23 > 0:13:29steadily dumbing down. Is there any evidence of this. Here's an
0:13:29 > 0:13:35extraction of an edition of Ask The Family from 1981. They are some
0:13:35 > 0:13:44times called bilar together with two other cities create two
0:13:44 > 0:13:50biblical cities of plain, what were the other two? Sodom and gomorrah.
0:13:50 > 0:13:58Here is a recent edition of the weakest link. In travel British
0:13:58 > 0:14:02traffic lights are green, amber and which other colour? Green.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07Talking of television history. We lost a major figure this week. Who
0:14:07 > 0:14:14was that? Sir Jimmy Savile. Anyone ask Jimmy to fix something? I asked
0:14:14 > 0:14:19if I could be in an AdamAnt video. Did that work out for snu No, he
0:14:19 > 0:14:23never wrote back. When did you write? It wasn't this week was it?
0:14:23 > 0:14:29My mum found me writing to him. I asked if I could have a drive in a
0:14:30 > 0:14:34tank. My mum said all small boys will ask Sir Jimmy Savile if he can
0:14:34 > 0:14:37arrange that. I think you should do something more original. So, I
0:14:37 > 0:14:43imagine somewhere at the BBC my letter to Sir Jimmy Savile ask him
0:14:43 > 0:14:50if he could fix it for me to go on a big set of steps in a liebury
0:14:50 > 0:14:53must still exist." He must thought this is the most tedious 12-year-
0:14:54 > 0:14:59old in the history of this programme. Did you say which
0:14:59 > 0:15:08section of the library. In the London library. And if you're
0:15:08 > 0:15:16watching mum, which I know you are (BLEEP). Back it a Greek theme now.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Please take that out of the edit. I really love my mum. Clearly!
0:15:18 > 0:15:23LAUGHTER It's the degree of love that's the
0:15:24 > 0:15:31problem. And so to round two, the picture
0:15:31 > 0:15:36spin quiz. Fingers on buzzers teams. It's a cat called Beauty who
0:15:36 > 0:15:39belongs to an MP's girlfriend. The MP is John Hemming. The MP's wife
0:15:39 > 0:15:43was found guilty in court of sneaking into the girlfriend's
0:15:43 > 0:15:47house and stealing the cat. didn't remember doing it was her
0:15:47 > 0:15:57defence. So, they showed her this to jog her memory. Here she is with
0:15:57 > 0:16:02no cat. There we go.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Pretty elaborate case of sleep walking isn't it. The telegraph
0:16:07 > 0:16:13reported on Monday "Cat is back, after love triangle MP's court case.
0:16:13 > 0:16:20By Wednesday it was MP's cat that came back may be an imposter." John
0:16:20 > 0:16:27Hemming allegedly has had lots of affairs. Any idea how many his wife
0:16:27 > 0:16:35says? Do we base it on that picture? It's claimed he's had 26
0:16:35 > 0:16:41affairs. Does he have access to colour form? How does he do it?
0:16:41 > 0:16:49chloroform. How does he do it? can entertain women with his hair
0:16:49 > 0:16:53island. "Come with me ladies to my hair island." You will swim amongst
0:16:53 > 0:16:57follicles and will enjoy yourself. He resisted all the
0:16:57 > 0:17:03superinjunctions. Yes he was the MP who blew Ryan Giggs. Beg your
0:17:03 > 0:17:08pardon. Blew his cover. Very happy to reveal other people's private
0:17:08 > 0:17:11lives and his own. He's unembarrassable. As is clear by his
0:17:11 > 0:17:15hair cut. We learn this week that Nick Clegg likes to do something
0:17:15 > 0:17:18while having meetings. Anyone see this? Insane day dreams of
0:17:18 > 0:17:25murdering the rest of the coalition. According to the Mail on Sunday,
0:17:25 > 0:17:31he's started using a rowing machine during meetings. Cabinet meetings?
0:17:31 > 0:17:36I think it's pronounced rowing machine. How was Nick Clegg
0:17:36 > 0:17:41described by the hit show the only way is Essex? Never heard of him.
0:17:41 > 0:17:46Is that my handbag. Have you been sick in my pocket. Have you watch
0:17:46 > 0:17:50today? No, never. But I've been to Essex. One of the gifrlz described
0:17:50 > 0:17:56Nick Clegg as "The fit one from the coalition." Did she think the
0:17:56 > 0:18:00coalition was a boy band? Yes. Never mind the euro the big story
0:18:00 > 0:18:04in British politics involves a missing cat. The cat which may or
0:18:04 > 0:18:09may not involve to MP John Hemming has spent the last couple of months
0:18:09 > 0:18:12in a house down the road. It must be an MP's cat. It has a second
0:18:12 > 0:18:18home. Time for the odd one out round. Just one between the two
0:18:18 > 0:18:24teams this week. Tim Henman, the Kismot Killer curry, Ken
0:18:25 > 0:18:31Livingstone and Sooty. Just to break the silence, I
0:18:31 > 0:18:37thought I'd press the buzzer. I have no idea. Is it Sooty was
0:18:38 > 0:18:43always asking "what did you say ?". Ken appearing to be deaf. Tim
0:18:43 > 0:18:48saying "Come on Tim." And that curry makes you deaf. That's the
0:18:48 > 0:18:54worst answer this programme's ever had. Ever. On any answer in the
0:18:54 > 0:19:01history of man. Give him the points for sheer inanity. It's not the
0:19:01 > 0:19:11right answer. It's not true. can it not be true? Soony aalways
0:19:11 > 0:19:14
0:19:14 > 0:19:18saying -- sooty is always saying" That. The more you say it actually
0:19:18 > 0:19:22the more convincing it sounds. was your answer "I don't know.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25was still better than that one. That's true. Can you give us a
0:19:25 > 0:19:33clue? Something to do with things going wrong in your body. What
0:19:33 > 0:19:37might a very, very hot curry do to you? Diarrhoea. Yes. How unpleasant.
0:19:37 > 0:19:45Sooty is clearly the odd one out then. If he isn't, I feel sorry for
0:19:45 > 0:19:50the person operating him. At the back of my mind, I have that
0:19:50 > 0:19:56Sooty threw a pizza. Yes and it hurt his eye and he had to go to
0:19:56 > 0:20:01hospital. What type of pizza? pizza. Pep Rhoney and razor blade
0:20:01 > 0:20:05pizza. Tim Henman is the odd one out. Why? Because I've said
0:20:05 > 0:20:12everybody else and it was wrong. You're close. Someone went to
0:20:12 > 0:20:18hospital after a party with Ken. fell down steps. It has to be food
0:20:18 > 0:20:24based. Did he throw down steps and throw a pasty at someone. It's an
0:20:24 > 0:20:31animal. Did he throw a bun at a lima? That's not far off the
0:20:31 > 0:20:37answer.. A doughnut at a swan? LAUGHTER
0:20:37 > 0:20:40That's good, you could get it round its neck. Like hoopla.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45You were right. Tim Henman is the odd one out. They've caused someone
0:20:45 > 0:20:51to be hospitalised apart from Tim Henman, who merely caused Jack
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Duckworth actor to extend his stay in hospital.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Tim Henman's 2007 Wimbledon performance caused Bill to have a
0:20:59 > 0:21:03heart attack. He told the Daily Mirror, I remember being in the
0:21:03 > 0:21:08hospital watching Tim Henman playing Wimbledon. I was shouting
0:21:08 > 0:21:14saying "That's crap." A nurse came in to see if I was OK. I'm fine I
0:21:14 > 0:21:20said, I'm just watching this pillock Tim Henman. Two people at a
0:21:20 > 0:21:25curry house were hospitalised after suffering a violent' action --
0:21:25 > 0:21:28reaction to the curry. They were left writhing on the floor in agony,
0:21:28 > 0:21:35vomiting and fainting. That's called a night out in Edinburgh.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39One of the victims curiously named curry Kim, described the curry
0:21:39 > 0:21:44experience "It felt like I was being chain sawed in the stomach
0:21:44 > 0:21:52with hot sauce on the chain saw." That would make it worse, wouldn't
0:21:52 > 0:21:57it? Being stabbed with a knife dipped in barbeque sauce. The worst
0:21:57 > 0:22:00thing for her, she only came second. The woman who won ate the last bowl
0:22:00 > 0:22:04in four seconds and ran outside to be sick. Whereas I didn't. I've
0:22:04 > 0:22:14learned I should have had a game plan like that. How did the Sun
0:22:14 > 0:22:22cover the story? Curry on vomiting. Vind a-loo break. Curry woman runs
0:22:22 > 0:22:28outside in -- and vomits. In brackets, "She has massive tits."
0:22:28 > 0:22:31They went with Dial Naan Naan Naan. It was revealed this week that Ken
0:22:31 > 0:22:35Livingstone contributed to the hospitalisation of Guy the gorilla
0:22:35 > 0:22:41from London zoo. Was he feeding him illegal bananas or something like
0:22:41 > 0:22:45that? Ken explains "I loved him. Sometimes throwing him a bar of
0:22:45 > 0:22:53milk chocolate, which he would unwrap and eat. 15 years late wher
0:22:53 > 0:22:59he died under an aesthetic having dental work I felt guilty. "Why?
0:22:59 > 0:23:04Was he having operation. I like your idea that he was feed pg him
0:23:04 > 0:23:09illegal bananas. Ken Livingstone with aye massive stash of bananas.
0:23:09 > 0:23:14According to the Sun, Paul Daniels was hospitalised this summer after
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Sooty smashed him in the face with a pizza. Who can blame him? The
0:23:17 > 0:23:27incident led to a huge debate on Twitter, which according to the
0:23:27 > 0:23:27
0:23:27 > 0:23:34Mail was fuelled by a fake Sooty aaccount. -- account. Whereas a
0:23:34 > 0:23:41real Sooty account, where he tells fans what he really thinks. We
0:23:42 > 0:23:45start with if what, I will eat my box of shorts live on TV? If you
0:23:45 > 0:23:53let me give them a rinse through once, says Gazza.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57The answer is if nutrinos have broken the speed of light. One
0:23:57 > 0:24:00physicist said "It raises the idea that if person A sends a text to
0:24:00 > 0:24:04person B, something travelling quickly in the other direction
0:24:04 > 0:24:07could see B receive it before A sends it. If you didn't understand
0:24:07 > 0:24:13that don't worry, it will be explained again in the repeat
0:24:13 > 0:24:17yesterday. Next, what is the issue of the day
0:24:17 > 0:24:24for onions? Sha lots coming over here and stealing our jobs.
0:24:24 > 0:24:30Transparency. Yes, it's got to be transparency, yes.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32The answer is water availability. According to onion world, water is
0:24:32 > 0:24:41in high demand, particularly for fish.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44LAUGHTER Well said onion world, it's high
0:24:44 > 0:24:54time they cut down on their water usage. Next, could your fridge
0:24:54 > 0:24:55
0:24:55 > 0:25:00what? Kill. Convert you to Catholicism. Store of corpse of
0:25:00 > 0:25:10Justin Bieber. Be haunted, Hallowe'en story, does your ice
0:25:10 > 0:25:12
0:25:12 > 0:25:17cube tray bear the spirit of Anne Boleyn. Is that tiny pot of yoghurt
0:25:17 > 0:25:20kingdom Brunel in tiny form. Grace had it. This is part of a full page
0:25:20 > 0:25:26story in the Daily Mail, which advises its readers to invest in a
0:25:26 > 0:25:30cheese box. Well, as investments go it's got to be better than most
0:25:30 > 0:25:40pension funds. Next what is getting to grips with sour skin and neck
0:25:40 > 0:25:42
0:25:42 > 0:25:51rot? Margaret Thatcher. The answer, I'm surprised you didn't get this
0:25:51 > 0:25:56one, Dr Chang Yee Charlie li. What's a hit at the national onion
0:25:56 > 0:26:06convention? Spanish onion, onion expert. A type of fruit. Apple
0:26:06 > 0:26:08
0:26:08 > 0:26:16onion. Virginity? Tiny horse. mini lemon. Am. A Winnie water
0:26:16 > 0:26:21melon... She's married to Nelson Mandela. The new variety of
0:26:21 > 0:26:25Winnie... LAUGHTER
0:26:25 > 0:26:30The new variety of mini water melon was just one of the attractions of
0:26:30 > 0:26:36the onion convention. Next, dog with nine bill yard balls in stuck
0:26:36 > 0:26:42am what? Told to get to the -- stomach what? Told to get to the
0:26:42 > 0:26:48end of the queue. Told he needs a break. Should have a rest on the
0:26:48 > 0:26:53bottom cushionment Should screw back for the brown.
0:26:53 > 0:27:01Has learned his lesson. Will not sit by a snooker table
0:27:01 > 0:27:09yawning. The answer is winning animal X-Ray contest.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12I'm going to win that contest if it's the last thing... Go on.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16one bulldog swallowed his owner's false teeth. According to the Daily
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Mail, fortunately the teeth were returned to the owner.
0:27:20 > 0:27:26Who is now smiling again. As much as any man can smile whose
0:27:26 > 0:27:29teeth have passed through a dog's jest -- digestic system. The final
0:27:29 > 0:27:31scores are, Ian and Gregg have eight points. This week's winners
0:27:31 > 0:27:41are Paul and Grace with ten! APPLAUSE
0:27:41 > 0:27:45
0:27:45 > 0:27:48And I leave you with news that at a G8 conference in Rome, Angela
0:27:48 > 0:27:55Merkel regrets answering a live videolink message from Silvio
0:27:55 > 0:28:00Berlusconi's hotel room. In London, after a swimming pool is