:00:38. > :00:44.Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You, I'm David Mitchell. In
:00:44. > :00:49.the news this week: while Miley Cyrus is out at the VMA Awards, her
:00:49. > :00:57.dog is back at home watching her performance on TV.
:00:57. > :00:59.In Farnborough, the MoD proudly unveils a £60 billion replacement
:00:59. > :01:11.for the Harrier Jump Jet. And as officers from Operation
:01:11. > :01:14.Yewtree move in to arrest one of the stars of Playschool, he makes a
:01:14. > :01:23.desperate last-minute bid for freedom.
:01:23. > :01:28.On Ian's team tonight is the presenter on Channel 4 News who
:01:28. > :01:33.claims that she reads every national newspaper every day. As does Ian, so
:01:33. > :01:35.you can see how useful that is for this show. Please welcome Cathy
:01:36. > :01:47.Newman. And with Paul tonight is a writer
:01:47. > :01:51.and presenter who is currently hosting a show on BT Sport. Although
:01:51. > :01:53.we only have his word for that. Please welcome Danny Baker. Thank
:01:53. > :02:05.you. And we start with the biggest
:02:05. > :02:08.stories of the week. Paul and Danny, have a look at this. The
:02:08. > :02:12.Conservative Party Conference, there is the Prime Minister and his lovely
:02:12. > :02:19.wife. Osborne trying to get blood from a stone. What is his face
:02:19. > :02:25.doing? I don't know, it is very odd. "Look, Mia Farrow says it's your
:02:25. > :02:30.son." The Conservatives have been having their conference, Boris has
:02:30. > :02:33.been speaking. Yes, and Osborne made a major announcement at the Tory
:02:33. > :02:38.Party Conference. About his haircut. He did a comb over. He's ending the
:02:38. > :02:41.recession, isn't he? Do you remember? He's literally combing
:02:41. > :02:46.over the recession. That's it, hiding the recession. It's still
:02:46. > :02:49.there but he's hiding it. No, that's not the announcement I meant. Is
:02:49. > :02:53.this the return of the workhouse? That's the annoucement I meant! It's
:02:53. > :02:58.part of the "buy your house" - except you don't know it's going to
:02:58. > :03:02.be a big one where you make rope. People have to go to the job centre
:03:02. > :03:05.every day to register the fact that they're still unemployed. Yes,
:03:05. > :03:08.precisely. He said the jobless are to be required to work for their
:03:08. > :03:15.benefits by, for example, picking up litter. Here is how it went down in
:03:15. > :03:18.the hall. It did used to be a lot more entertaining and I am not
:03:18. > :03:21.suggesting they should do Strictly Tory Party Conference. They used to
:03:21. > :03:25.tell jokes and sing songs. People who could tell jokes would tell
:03:25. > :03:29.jokes, it would be extraordinary. My dad used to say it was always a lot
:03:29. > :03:32.of fun. The best acts have been stolen. Ann Widdecombe went to
:03:32. > :03:36.Strictly. Got poached. The idea of Ann Widdecombe being poached is one
:03:36. > :03:41.I can't quite get out of my head. Think of the size of the pan you'd
:03:41. > :03:46.need. Do you think Boris Johnson really was loyal? Yeah, he just did
:03:46. > :03:50.one joke about whether it is possible to be Mayor and Prime
:03:50. > :03:53.Minister at the same time and got a big laugh and said, "Joke, joke,"
:03:53. > :03:58.which is what people always say when they mean it. Do you know what he
:03:58. > :04:02.said about UKIP? He said you kip... If you want to. Yeah, that was the
:04:02. > :04:10.joke, wasn't it? I'm not for kipping. He said:
:04:10. > :04:15.but that wasn't kipping, that was chillaxing, and there is a
:04:15. > :04:19.difference. Apparently. Unfortunately the party is not
:04:19. > :04:23.called U-chillax. The conference then degenerated into "can you
:04:23. > :04:26.answer questions about grocery." Boris got the milk question and
:04:26. > :04:34.Cameron was asked how much a loaf was. Four guineas. He said, "I have
:04:34. > :04:40.a bread-maker." As we all do, it's Albert's in the village. How much is
:04:40. > :04:47.a bottle of milk? "Well, I have a cow." "I have a cow and she goes to
:04:47. > :04:52.the village and buys the milk." But how much is a loaf of bread, Paul?
:04:52. > :04:56.65p, everything is 65p. Always has been and always will be. Bread,
:04:56. > :05:00.houses, Shropshire, it's all 65p. Boris didn't know the answer to
:05:00. > :05:10.anything, he said, "I know how much a bottle of champagne is." I'd
:05:10. > :05:12.rather that than some weaselly little journalist saying, "He
:05:13. > :05:17.doesn't know how much bread is." "How much is it, mate? How much do
:05:17. > :05:20.you put it down for on your expenses?" Boris did that. He asked
:05:20. > :05:23.Jeremy Paxman how much a loaf was and Paxman said, "I can't possibly
:05:23. > :05:26.answer that." Panic, panic! Boris had a bit of a Newsnight knock-about
:05:26. > :05:29.with Paxman. They were discussing Boris's rumoured return to the
:05:29. > :05:32.Commons, initially. I think this is a now super-masticated subject.
:05:32. > :05:37.Well, masticate a little more. Spit it out.
:05:37. > :05:44.That's public school, isn't it? One person masticates and the other
:05:44. > :05:47.person spits it out. Oh! I thought he missed the killer question for
:05:47. > :05:53.Paxman, "How much does a razor cost?" You had a beard for a bit. I
:05:53. > :05:56.remember meeting you, you said, "Do I look like a submarine captain?"
:05:56. > :06:06.What made you shave it off? Blackmail. It's an intriguing
:06:06. > :06:09.answer, isn't it? Back to Osborne. He made his announcement that you
:06:09. > :06:13.weren't going to get benefits without doing work but he also said,
:06:13. > :06:17."If they are not doing community service, jobless people will have to
:06:17. > :06:24.turn up at job centres." Do you know how long for? All-day, nine to five.
:06:24. > :06:27.Yes, for 35 hours a week. That's ten minute a day to check the vacancies
:06:27. > :06:33.and 34 hours ten minutes of Angry Birds. Also, there is a slight...
:06:33. > :06:36.And I am not taking sides here but I come from a culture that is quite
:06:36. > :06:41.resilient when it comes to signing on. I did it myself for two years.
:06:41. > :06:44.You used to be able to go to - as they called it - the labour
:06:44. > :06:48.exchange. I know culture has changed. But there were window
:06:48. > :06:52.cleaning vans outside and minicabs and people going, "Hurry up, love,
:06:52. > :06:55.I've got a fare at 8:30." Now it has all been stigmatised, "Everyone is
:06:55. > :06:59.spongers" and all of this. Never mind over in the city, but people
:06:59. > :07:03.earning a few quid the other way, these days they want to make out it
:07:03. > :07:08.is the worst possible sin of all. I say good luck to anyone if they run
:07:08. > :07:11.their cab down, sign on, get a few more quid and go home again. Because
:07:11. > :07:14.making them sit there from nine to five, that is pushing them around.
:07:14. > :07:18.That was a party political broadcast... On behalf of the
:07:18. > :07:23.Slightly Dodgy But Quite Nice Party. A bit of embezzlement just shows
:07:23. > :07:25.gumption. Embezzlement! When I used to work at Tooting employment
:07:25. > :07:29.office, some people didn't really think it through. You would get
:07:29. > :07:32.painters and decorators coming in in their overalls, covered in wet
:07:32. > :07:36.paint. "I've not had a job for six weeks." You kind of thought the
:07:36. > :07:38.Tories were trying to out-Thatcher Thatcher, but then David Cameron
:07:38. > :07:42.obviously thought, "we're going to be called the nasty party again" so
:07:42. > :07:45.he slipped in this thing about social workers and how great social
:07:45. > :07:49.workers were. He got the whole Tory Conference applauding. He said, "Can
:07:49. > :07:51.we have a round of applause for those hard-working people, the
:07:51. > :07:55.social workers." A lot of people going, "Who are they?" "Those are
:07:55. > :07:58.those wonderful people who organise parties?"
:07:58. > :08:05.Karen Brady, her off of The Apprentice, was at the Tory Party
:08:05. > :08:10.Conference. What was she wearing... I mean, what was she there for? I
:08:10. > :08:13.can tell you what she was wearing, it was one of those body whatsit
:08:13. > :08:18.illusion dresses that makes you look half the size you are. Yes, a
:08:18. > :08:22.bodycon dress. Not heard of that, sounds good. Really good, try one
:08:22. > :08:31.next time. I will. Not that I'm saying you need to. Not that I'm
:08:31. > :08:35.saying I want to. But I will. We can have a look at Karen Brady's bodycon
:08:35. > :08:39.dress. If you believe the bodycon there, you'd just call an ambulance,
:08:39. > :08:43.wouldn't you? Brady was there to introduce George Osborne, do you
:08:43. > :08:51.know how she did that? George Osborne... Bill Clinton did Tony
:08:51. > :08:55.Blair once. I mean... Introduced him. You get your wife to do it now,
:08:55. > :08:58.that's the other thing at the conference. I think after Justine's
:08:58. > :09:02.performance in the Ed Miliband, no wife is going to do it again, are
:09:02. > :09:06.they? Did anyone see that? She was told to kiss him. And she has to do
:09:06. > :09:13.it? Not even prostitutes have to kiss.
:09:13. > :09:21.There was also a spectre at the feast at the Tory conference, do you
:09:21. > :09:24.know who that was? Ah, Nigel Farage. Yes, and I suppose the ghost of
:09:24. > :09:28.Margaret Thatcher was probably there. She was invoked, wasn't she?
:09:28. > :09:33.Was she? They did a seance? Anyway, he turned up, didn't he? Yes, he
:09:33. > :09:36.turned up in Manchester to address a lunatic fringe... Sorry, Freudian
:09:36. > :09:38.slip, a fringe meeting. Here he is arriving. Do you expect a warm
:09:38. > :09:48.welcome at the Tory Conference? No. Shall we have a look at a picture of
:09:48. > :09:51.Farage on the front page of The Times this week. It is Hitler
:09:51. > :10:00.combined with a sort of one-sided Fu Manchu. It shows he's multicultural.
:10:00. > :10:05.Meanwhile, David Cameron gave an interview to The Sun on Monday this
:10:05. > :10:09.week. He said that he can do the dance to Gangnam Style. Oh... A
:10:09. > :10:14.surprising number of people can do that, can't they, Cathy? Oh, God! #
:10:14. > :10:22.Oppan C4 style. # C4 style.
:10:22. > :10:30.# Whoop, whoop, whoop. # C4 style.
:10:30. > :10:33.# Hey, sexy newsroom! APPLAUSE.
:10:33. > :10:45.Oh, God. Did we ask the question, why? It was
:10:45. > :10:50.showing that a woman can dance in high heels and not be inhibited. And
:10:50. > :10:54.I showed that. And that was news? At least I wasn't twerking. No, you
:10:54. > :11:03.were not twerking. It could have been much worse.
:11:03. > :11:06.That is your editor on the phone... This is the Tory Party Conference
:11:06. > :11:08.held in Manchester. An eye-catching policy announced this week is that
:11:08. > :11:12.people claiming unemployment benefit will be made to pick up litter. This
:11:12. > :11:17.could put the people who are currently paid to pick up litter out
:11:17. > :11:20.of a job. But the good news is that they will then be forced to do it
:11:20. > :11:24.for free. George Osborne revealed during the conference:
:11:24. > :11:31.God, even they hate him! Ian and Cathy, take a look at this. It is Ed
:11:31. > :11:34.Miliband trying not to listen to an Ed Balls speech. Oh, look, there's
:11:34. > :11:38.someone spying on him from The Mail. And that's Karl Marx's grave. This
:11:39. > :11:42.is the Labour conference, which was equally thrilling. It stirred the
:11:42. > :11:45.Tories up. It did. They got very worried about it. And they had
:11:45. > :11:48.Damian McBride's book. It was very entertaining - I'm sure you all read
:11:48. > :11:52.it! Apparently, Blair and Brown hated each other! Really? It was one
:11:52. > :11:57.of those shock, horror books that we all got very overexcited about.
:11:57. > :12:02.Unfortunately for Miliband, he was one of the gang. It was him and
:12:02. > :12:06.Balls and McBride who were all working for Gordon Brown, who
:12:06. > :12:10.doesn't come out well. Yes, this was Damian McBride, who was hoping to
:12:10. > :12:14.upstage the conference. Did you see him being introduced on Newsnight?
:12:14. > :12:18.Damian McBride. McPoisonous, as he is known to many of his enemies, or
:12:18. > :12:20.McPrickface, as he was referred to in a recent cache of Downing Street
:12:20. > :12:31.e-mails. He's so used to being called
:12:31. > :12:35.McPrickface! He also caused a fight, didn't he, because he was doing an
:12:35. > :12:37.interview, wasn't he? During the Labour conference in Brighton, an
:12:37. > :13:04.interview with Damian McBride didn't go entirely to plan.
:13:04. > :13:11.That's Ian Dale. Who is the publisher of the book. What he
:13:11. > :13:20.was...? That man is a long-term protester who likes to get himself
:13:20. > :13:23.into news stories. The publisher of this book, who hadn't been invited
:13:24. > :13:27.to conference, was trying to get his book into a news story. Started
:13:27. > :13:30.pushing the other man out. They were both shamelessly trying to hijack
:13:30. > :13:34.the conference, so they ended up beating each other up. The dog seems
:13:34. > :13:38.to be biting the cars of its owner though. Dogs are extremely fickle.
:13:38. > :13:45.You could see where the power shift was going. What's been the other big
:13:45. > :13:49.story about Miliband this week? This upstaged the Tory conference. The
:13:49. > :13:53.Daily Mail managed to not merely shoot its own foot but to blow it
:13:53. > :13:57.off with a mortar. They had a go at Miliband's father. They ran a piece
:13:57. > :14:01.saying, this is the man who hated Britain, on the evidence of one
:14:01. > :14:04.entry in the diary when he was 16, when he just arrived as a refugee in
:14:04. > :14:08.this country. He fought for the country in the Second World War. So,
:14:08. > :14:13.it was the most sort of pathetic piece. The Daily Mail accuse the
:14:13. > :14:19.father of being a committed Marxist. What's the point of an uncommitted
:14:19. > :14:23.Marxist! Even if we suppose you make the leap of faith that his old man
:14:23. > :14:28.did hate Britain, my dad hated David Bowie. I think Hunky Dory is a
:14:28. > :14:31.masterpiece. It doesn't work like that. Apparently they've played the
:14:31. > :14:35.national anthem outside the grave and the corpse hasn't stood up and
:14:35. > :14:38.saluted, so therefore, that is all the proof they need. What I think
:14:38. > :14:47.would be embarrassing for the editor of the Mail. The Mail is owned by
:14:47. > :14:51.the Rothermere family. He then passed on that non-dom status to his
:14:51. > :14:54.son, who doesn't actually pay the normal amount of tax, despite owning
:14:54. > :14:58.a newspaper that is owned through various companies in Bermuda. So
:14:58. > :15:01.once you start doing "I'm looking at your family", it gets embarrassing,
:15:01. > :15:04.and I think the Rothermere family? If you want to go further back, you
:15:04. > :15:07.get to the great-great-grandfather, who, let's join in together around
:15:07. > :15:14.the headline Hurrah For The Blackshirts! But the Daily Mail went
:15:14. > :15:18.on to publish a full-page apology for that, didn't they? What, for the
:15:18. > :15:22.Blackshirts? Yes. Yep. No, they didn't. Once you start throwing this
:15:22. > :15:25.stuff around, it gets embarrassing, and I think they will find their
:15:25. > :15:29.editor is now a major embarrassment. Yeah, gone toxic. The figures they
:15:29. > :15:33.kept saying when he was on Newsnight, the fellow they archly
:15:33. > :15:41.did put on Newsnight, he said, if you are going to go back 80 years?
:15:41. > :15:45.As opposed to the 75 years! You are going back for Ed Miliband's dad.
:15:45. > :15:48.There is a 75 year cut-off point. That is how journalism works. I
:15:48. > :15:51.thought it was quite funny. Paul Dacre's nickname at the Mail is
:15:51. > :15:57.Mugabe. He is very old, he won't retire, and he hates the
:15:57. > :16:00.opposition! The ancestor, the first Viscount Rothermere, of the current
:16:00. > :16:04.owner of the Daily Mail - do you know what he had to say about
:16:04. > :16:29.Britain's enemies, the Nazis, in 1933? Open the borders! He said:
:16:29. > :16:34.What was the subsequent development in this story? They sent a
:16:34. > :16:37.journalist, two journalist along to Miliband's uncle's memorial service,
:16:37. > :16:46.to get quotes off people while they were? Guys Hospital. Guys Hospital.
:16:46. > :16:50.Did you know the deceased? What did you think about Ed Miliband's dad?!
:16:50. > :16:53.Two rogue journalists, working on their own initiative, a couple of
:16:53. > :16:57.bad apples making the whole paper look bad - not like the one who put
:16:57. > :17:01.up a photograph of his father's gravestone, which was an error of
:17:01. > :17:04.judgement! Did you see how the Daily Marley... The Daily Marley?! It's
:17:04. > :17:11.all about everything to do with Marley, apparently. They tweeted
:17:11. > :17:14.that they wanted to make it clear that they had absolutely whatsoever
:17:14. > :17:17.nothing to do with it! Yes, the editor of the Mail on Sunday has
:17:17. > :17:19.apologised unreservedly, describing what they did as "wrong" and "a
:17:19. > :17:32.terrible lapse of judgement". It is important to note that he
:17:32. > :17:35.apologised on behalf of the Mail on Sunday. The editor of the Mail on
:17:35. > :17:39.Sunday is a man called Geordie Greig, who is quite keen to get Paul
:17:39. > :17:43.Dacre's job, and has somewhat increased his chances this week! Ed
:17:43. > :17:45.Miliband, of course, used his conference speech to position
:17:45. > :17:50.himself further to the left of politics, people say. But do you see
:17:50. > :17:54.how he appears to be growing his own Michael Goves? You can see... It's
:17:54. > :17:57.like a Gove Farm. And on the right, that is a sort of young beginner
:17:57. > :18:04.Gove, and then slightly more mature further to the left. And the one to
:18:04. > :18:08.the right of the picture - that's nearly finished! It actually looks
:18:08. > :18:17.like the world's dullest boy band. No Direction!
:18:17. > :18:24.And finally, would anyone like to see the chat up technique of Danny
:18:24. > :18:29."fancy a brandy" Alexander? Oh, yeah! This conference has been so
:18:29. > :18:34.busy. So many things to do. So I haven't been up late, um, relaxing
:18:34. > :18:37.in the bar. That will come on Wednesday, maybe? Maybe tonight. How
:18:37. > :18:54.about you? Um... Yes, this is the Labour Party
:18:54. > :18:56.conference, and the Daily Mail's character assassination of Marxist
:18:56. > :18:59.historian Ralph Miliband, who they described as: For legal reasons, we
:18:59. > :19:02.cannot make any derogatory comments about Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre,
:19:02. > :19:08.but apparently, his dad's an cars hole. Sorry, was an cars hole.
:19:08. > :19:11.Education Secretary Michael Gove is one of the few people to defend the
:19:11. > :19:18.Daily Mail, saying that political commentators should always have a
:19:18. > :19:26.right to offend. I couldn't agree more, you four-eyed reptilian
:19:26. > :19:30.hotspot. And now it's time to play the Wheel of News or Not News. I
:19:30. > :19:34.will spin the wheel, and you have to identify the story, and tell me if
:19:34. > :19:39.it's news or not news. Cathy, all you have to think is - would we do
:19:39. > :19:44.this on Channel 4 News. And if the answer is yes, you'll know it could
:19:44. > :19:50.be either. So, let's spin the wheel. BUZZER.
:19:50. > :19:57.Not news! What's the story? There isn't a story. It's not news. It's a
:19:57. > :20:05.policeman giving Iain Duncan Smith a head massage. Clairvoyant police? It
:20:05. > :20:11.is clairvoyant police. AUDIENCE LAUGHS.
:20:11. > :20:14.The police are going to be able to predict crimes before they happen.
:20:14. > :20:17.They will be like Tom Cruise in Minority Report, only taller. And,
:20:17. > :20:22.do you have any idea how they're going to do this? No. You think I'm
:20:22. > :20:26.making this up. I don't think you're making it up. I think you've
:20:26. > :20:29.re-announced something that someone else has made up. Well, according to
:20:29. > :20:39.Pre-crime Commander Simon Letchford... Pre-crime! Pre-crime.
:20:39. > :20:41.Which has already identified the County of Midsummer. Sounds
:20:41. > :20:45.absolutely ridiculous. Someone has just... They've put on the map where
:20:45. > :20:49.someone has just stolen something. By definition there is now less to
:20:49. > :20:58.steal there. The chances of a burglary there must be reduced. It's
:20:58. > :21:04.all gone. OK. That makes some sense. Yes, it does. No, it doesn't. It's
:21:04. > :21:08.nonsense. This is the news of police plans to predict crimes before they
:21:08. > :21:15.happen. Will it work? It already has, in two years' time. Enjoy that
:21:15. > :21:17.one on Dave, during the riots. The technique of identifying and
:21:17. > :21:21.arresting potential criminals before they commit a crime is based on a
:21:21. > :21:23.method developed by the Metropolitan Police, known as institutional
:21:23. > :21:37.racism. APPLAUSE. Give it another spin.
:21:37. > :21:42.Yes, Bridget Jones's diary is coming out. Is this news or not not news?
:21:42. > :21:46.The hero of previous books is no longer with us. It started off in a
:21:46. > :21:49.Sunday newspaper, who - not coincidentally - had paid for the
:21:49. > :21:53.serialisation of the book. The fact they thought it was news may be due
:21:53. > :21:56.to the fact they paid a very great deal of money for it. Then it
:21:56. > :22:00.appears on this programme, along with a stupid pre-crime report. Who
:22:00. > :22:03.killed Mark Darcy? I expect you already know. I've got an idea. If
:22:03. > :22:07.we got ourselves a gallon of petrol, we could set fire to the Wheel of
:22:08. > :22:12.News. You're right. This is not news. This is the not news that an
:22:12. > :22:16.author has got a book out. That didn't stop it being a story on the
:22:16. > :22:21.BBC ten O'clock News. On Channel 4 News, you stuck to the big news like
:22:21. > :22:24.this. I saw a man with a fan in the basket of his bicycle in Westminster
:22:25. > :22:28.today. That's a sign of the Times. That's Channel 4 News. And the last
:22:28. > :22:33.spin... BUZZER.
:22:33. > :22:36.Fictional characters. No, no, no. America's gone bankrupt because a
:22:36. > :22:38.fictional character's been killed off. And it's all closed.
:22:38. > :22:44.Republicans and Democrats can't agree on the budget. And, is that
:22:44. > :22:47.news or not news? Oh, it's news. Republicans can't agree the fact
:22:47. > :22:51.that they lost. They lost the election and they lost this vote
:22:51. > :22:57.repeatedly. But the TEA Party, which is a sort of UKIP with guns... Have
:22:57. > :23:01.decided that basically they don't care. America, home of democracy,
:23:01. > :23:04.vote goes the wrong way, you refuse to accept it. So, they basically
:23:04. > :23:07.said, "No, we're not going to agree." They would literally rather
:23:07. > :23:12.America close down than a very, very minor - and not very radical change
:23:13. > :23:16.- is made to public health care. There are 800,000 federal workers,
:23:16. > :23:22.who have been forced to take unpaid leave. According to the Guardian...
:23:22. > :23:30.An idea they got from BT. This is the news that America has closed
:23:30. > :23:35.until further notice. If your enquiry is urgent, please contact
:23:35. > :23:39.Canada. Time now for the Odd One Out round. One between you this week,
:23:39. > :23:50.you're four are... Sponge Bob Square Pants. Sally Bercow. Walter Tell.
:23:51. > :23:57.And Carmen Miranda. Fruit. Sally Bercow, fruitcake. No. She was
:23:57. > :24:00.caught. I'm sure I saw this on Channel 4 News. She was... At one of
:24:00. > :24:04.the conferences, balancing some item of fruit on her head in a bar. Yes,
:24:05. > :24:08.that's correct. Walter tell, son of William, balanced an apple on his
:24:08. > :24:12.head and had it shot off by his father. Carmen Miranda had a whole
:24:12. > :24:15.bowl of fruit on her head. Fantastic. And sang, Yes, We Have No
:24:15. > :24:20.Bananas. Sponge Bob Square Pants, he's quite a guy. Bob is the Odd One
:24:20. > :24:27.Out. He's got a friend called Patrick. But he's the Odd One Out
:24:27. > :24:33.because nobody else knows anybody called Patrick. Where does Sponge
:24:33. > :24:40.Bob live? Under the sea. But also under... A pineapple. Yes! How would
:24:40. > :24:48.you describe his voice? Er, rough. Manly. Touch of Lord Hailsham. Well,
:24:48. > :24:55.Tom Kenny, the man behind the distinctive voice described it as...
:24:55. > :25:02.Which is also a starter at Heston Blumenthal's. And, um, can you name
:25:02. > :25:07.any of Carmen Miranda's hits? I, I, I, I, like you very much. We down
:25:07. > :25:11.among Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the millions. And they've got a
:25:11. > :25:17.lot of coffee there to sell. There's an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. At
:25:17. > :25:20.last, the show is coming to life. Carmen Miranda cracked America but
:25:20. > :25:29.her English wasn't great. She told one magazine... She went on to teach
:25:29. > :25:33.Nancy Dallaglio how to speak English. Yes, they've all had fruit
:25:33. > :25:37.on their heads, apart from Sponge Bob Square Pants, who lives under a
:25:37. > :25:42.pineapple in a fun town under the sea. Sort of like Blackpool will be
:25:42. > :25:45.once the fracking starts. According to the Daily Mail, late one night at
:25:45. > :25:51.the Labour Party conference, Sally Bercow, fuelled by champagne, tried
:25:51. > :25:54.to balance a pineapple on her head. "I really regret this embarrassing
:25:54. > :25:58.incident and I'm just grateful I wasn't caught on camera looking so
:25:58. > :26:07.stupid." Said the pineapple. Time now for the Missing Words round. And
:26:07. > :26:15.we start with... One of the rounds on Bake Off. Freeze drying the dead
:26:15. > :26:18.is the future, says minister. Do you think you could just add boiling
:26:18. > :26:22.water and they'd come back? The process reduces the body to powder
:26:22. > :26:24.and has been pioneered by a company called Promessa Organic Burial,
:26:24. > :26:29.whose slogan proudly states, we're the people who put the gran into
:26:29. > :26:36.granules. Next, Berlusconi pulls plug on what? Pulls plug on
:26:36. > :26:38.political career as he admits he's going to spend more time with his
:26:38. > :26:44.16-year-old friends. Spend more time going to spend more time with his
:26:44. > :26:52.in jail! On attempt to topple the Government. Quite right. News. Let's
:26:52. > :26:56.get back to news. You're absolutely right. It is Berlusconi pulls plug
:26:56. > :26:59.on attempt to bring down the Government. As his political career
:26:59. > :27:02.draws to a close, the one thing Berlusconi is desperately hoping for
:27:02. > :27:04.is immunity. Not just from prosecution but also from every
:27:04. > :27:12.known sexually transmitted disease. And, finally, Icelandic phone app
:27:13. > :27:19.stops you what? Eating yellow snow? No. Icelandic phone app stops you
:27:19. > :27:25.dating close relatives. Is that a big problem in Iceland? There's not
:27:25. > :27:30.many of them there. I imagine it's a smaller gene pool. It's dark a lot
:27:30. > :27:34.of the time too. This is an app which tells you if your date is
:27:34. > :27:39.relative. All you have to do is press a button and Bob's your uncle.
:27:39. > :27:44.So, don't have sex with him. So, the final scores are... Paul and Danny
:27:44. > :27:53.have six points. Ian and Cathy have seven. Yes!
:27:53. > :27:58.I leave you with news that, in a bid to combat accusations of ageism, the
:27:58. > :28:06.BBC re-employee Percy Thrower on Gardeners World. And the studios of
:28:06. > :28:07.Sky TV, as the set is constructed for his new politics show, Adam
:28:07. > :28:09.Boulton is about to regret naming for his new politics show, Adam
:28:09. > :28:20.the programme, Talk It Through. And, following the split in the
:28:20. > :28:22.Church of England over same-sex marriage, the Synod meets to discuss
:28:22. > :28:35.an even more controversial proposal. Good night.
:28:35. > :28:40.APPLAUSE.