:00:00. > :00:37.This programme contains some strong language.
:00:38. > :00:43.Good evening, and welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Robert
:00:44. > :00:46.Lindsay, and in the news this week, there's a major scientific
:00:47. > :00:47.breakthrough, as a Japanese inventor develops an outfit that enables
:00:48. > :01:02.pensioners to twerk. At the funeral of the world's
:01:03. > :01:08.strongest man, his widow insists on leading the hearse.
:01:09. > :01:11.And archive footage from the 1940s shows Ranulph Fiennes and his first
:01:12. > :01:28.encounter with ice. On Ian's team tonight is a comedian
:01:29. > :01:33.from Canada who studied city planning at University. To be fair,
:01:34. > :01:41.there are a lot of comedians in city planning. Just look at Birmingham!
:01:42. > :01:45.Please welcome Katherine Ryan. Actually, I'm going there next week.
:01:46. > :01:53.I can't do that! They've asked me to turn on the city lights! And with
:01:54. > :01:58.Paul tonight is a Labour MP who used to be a postman, so we've paid him
:01:59. > :02:01.by putting a bit of money in a card and sending it to Paul. Ladies and
:02:02. > :02:12.gentlemen, Alan Johnson. So we start with the biggest stories
:02:13. > :02:17.of the week. Paul and Alan, take a look at this. Scotland's future.
:02:18. > :02:20.It's blank. Pounds! Pound coins. The things the Scots will lose. They'll
:02:21. > :02:26.lose the Queen, the pound... Nigella Lawson. Nigella Lawson. The BBC and
:02:27. > :02:29.submarines. They'll lose the BBC, submarines, the Queen and pound
:02:30. > :02:33.coins. All in one. They're not going to lose them. They're going to keep
:02:34. > :02:36.them. Are they? Yeah. Same thing. Lose, keep? what was the Sun's
:02:37. > :02:41.headline on Wednesday summing all this up? How dare you suggest any of
:02:42. > :02:45.us read the Sun! The headline read...
:02:46. > :02:53.Oh, anarchy! Anarchy in the UK! If they gain independence, the Scots,
:02:54. > :02:57.what are they going to keep? They'll keep the Queen, and they'll keep the
:02:58. > :03:00.BBC as well, because they can't block the signal across the border.
:03:01. > :03:03.It's a source of much debate about whether Scotland would be able to
:03:04. > :03:08.watch Strictly Come Dancing. And I'd have thought that was pretty good
:03:09. > :03:11.for the No vote. Are you not a fan of Strictly Come Dancing? Well, I'd
:03:12. > :03:16.prefer Strictly Come Scottish Dancing. Which I think is going to
:03:17. > :03:20.be terrific, don't you think? No. Why do they get to choose what they
:03:21. > :03:24.keep? We won't have that, we'll have the pound, the Queen... Why don't
:03:25. > :03:29.you just take like Irn Bru, pasties and John Barrowman? Take the things
:03:30. > :03:33.that we're happy to give! Alex Salmond said that he was going to
:03:34. > :03:37.keep the pound. But wasn't that the same pound that the English used to
:03:38. > :03:40.bribe the Scottish to joining the UK in the first place? They didn't
:03:41. > :03:44.bribe them to join. Scotland was bankrupt after the Darien
:03:45. > :03:47.Expedition. They tried to set up their own empire, lost all the
:03:48. > :03:51.money, and the English bailed them out. Is that the expedition that
:03:52. > :03:54.went to the tropics with loads of blankets? That's the one. And
:03:55. > :03:58.whiskey and stuff. They didn't figure it out. So it was bought,
:03:59. > :04:03.basically. There's a lot of Burns poems about this very thing. You're
:04:04. > :04:08.looking thrilled, Robert. I'm just wondering how long this programme
:04:09. > :04:12.goes on for! Until the Scots do or don't get independence! Exactly.
:04:13. > :04:17.Where do you stand, Alan? I stand for Great Britain. I stand for a No
:04:18. > :04:21.vote for independence. Just checking. Sorry, it's so rare to ask
:04:22. > :04:27.a politician what he thinks and he says it! The Scots are going to have
:04:28. > :04:30.their own broadcasting service. What's that going to be called?
:04:31. > :04:35.It'll be called the BBC, isn't it? Same as it is now? Run by Jim
:04:36. > :04:41.Naughtie. They'll make some of their own programmes, won't they? The
:04:42. > :04:49.Great Scottish Fry Up. Last of the Buckfast Tonic Wine. Who Do You
:04:50. > :04:53.Think You Are, Jimmy? But it'll come as an arrangement to the BBC to show
:04:54. > :04:56.popular shows, such as Doctor Who. No, he's Scottish, isn't he? Was
:04:57. > :05:04.Scottish. Exactly. And will be Scottish again. If you're watching,
:05:05. > :05:13.Steven Moffat, I am available. Fucking thing. Oh! Did you get that
:05:14. > :05:17.from... I just lost that part, but never mind. Definitely the Scottish
:05:18. > :05:23.version. Looks like it came from that sex shop up Kennington Road.
:05:24. > :05:28.They're doing a 20% discount at the moment! When you were Home
:05:29. > :05:34.Secretary, did you know of that particular shop? I'm saying nothing
:05:35. > :05:37.until I have my lawyer here with me. He happens to be in the audience.
:05:38. > :05:41.Your lawyer is in the audience? Yeah, there's a whole bank of them
:05:42. > :05:48.over there! 15 from the Murdoch empire. Hi, guys! We're not going to
:05:49. > :05:52.mention the trial, sshh! Alan, what are they planning to do to the Post
:05:53. > :05:55.Office in an independent Scotland? They say that they'll put it back
:05:56. > :06:00.together again, counters and letters, and will renationalise it.
:06:01. > :06:04.That's exciting talk for an old Labour man, isn't it? How many Post
:06:05. > :06:09.Office shares did you buy? I didn't buy any at all. They were Royal Mail
:06:10. > :06:14.shares, weren't they? I applied for them in the post, but they haven't
:06:15. > :06:17.arrived. There's also been a bit of a clash over an independent
:06:18. > :06:22.Scotland's future immigration policy this week. What's that about? What's
:06:23. > :06:26.the issue? Scotland has said, like a lot of these things, we'll join up
:06:27. > :06:29.to the EU, but we won't join the euro, and we won't join the Schengen
:06:30. > :06:33.Agreement, which means you have to take immigrants from anywhere.
:06:34. > :06:36.Immigration is obviously an issue close to the heart of the Daily
:06:37. > :06:40.Express. On Wednesday, they asked their readers to vote, has PM gone
:06:41. > :06:48.far enough to block influx of Romanians and Bulgarians? Yes or no?
:06:49. > :06:49.And always with the Express, they went to great lengths not to
:06:50. > :06:58.influence their readers in any way. So, what was Cameron doing to
:06:59. > :07:07.emphasise his British credentials this week? I'll tell you. He was at
:07:08. > :07:08.the British Curry Awards. Here he is drinking lager in the traditional
:07:09. > :07:18.Etonian manner! Do you want to see a picture of a
:07:19. > :07:20.train that looks like David Cameron? Yes, please.
:07:21. > :07:29.??LAUGHTER. It's from Thomas the Tank Engine.
:07:30. > :07:33.Are you sure that's not David Cameron? Anyway, this is the SNP's
:07:34. > :07:38.blueprint for the break-up of Britain. Alex Salmond proposes that
:07:39. > :07:39.the BBC is replaced by the Scottish Broadcasting Service, which will
:07:40. > :07:48.broadcast different programmes from those shown in England. So, much
:07:49. > :07:53.like next year's World Cup. Ian and Katherine, take a look at this.
:07:54. > :07:58.Those are minions! That's the Chancellor going down a mine. People
:07:59. > :08:03.raised money to put him down there. It's the government U-turn over the
:08:04. > :08:07.cost of payday loans. We were getting there. You were there. What
:08:08. > :08:10.has George Osborne done? He's decided that the market doesn't
:08:11. > :08:14.always work. He's right, isn't he, Alan? He's decided that he'll follow
:08:15. > :08:19.Labour's policy of capping the interest on payday loans. Who's
:08:20. > :08:23.getting all the credit? Stella Creasy. Stella Creasy, the Labour MP
:08:24. > :08:26.for Walthamstow. George Osborne paid tribute to her in the House of
:08:27. > :08:31.Commons for campaigning on the issue. Does Ed Balls not get any
:08:32. > :08:34.credit? He gets credit for a very good lasagne that he cooks on a
:08:35. > :08:41.regular basis. Changing the subject! Do you feel he should get
:08:42. > :08:49.more credit? I do. Credit in what sense? Even though he took your job?
:08:50. > :08:56.He didn't take it. You gave it to him? Yes. Right. And has he repaid
:08:57. > :09:02.you? He thanks me every so often. With a lasagne! George Osborne was
:09:03. > :09:07.also trying to head off a sneaky attack. From whom? Ed Balls? No. Ed
:09:08. > :09:13.Miliband? No. Lord Lucan? Stella Creasy? No. Frank Lampard? The
:09:14. > :09:18.Archbishop of Canterbury. Frank Lampard's the Archbishop of
:09:19. > :09:22.Canterbury? When did that happen? He was thought to be organising a House
:09:23. > :09:26.of Lords rebellion on payday loans. Who else has stuck the boot into
:09:27. > :09:29.capitalism this week? The Pope. Yes! Even higher. Pope Francis. He
:09:30. > :09:45.said... He wants the Catholic Church to get
:09:46. > :09:52.stuck into poverty a lot more, and become bruised, hurting and dirty. A
:09:53. > :09:56.bit like someone taught by nuns! Who's been saying greed is good this
:09:57. > :10:01.week? Boris. Boris Johnson. What did he say? You can take advantage of
:10:02. > :10:06.the thick people! 16% of us are very thick. He said greed can be good as
:10:07. > :10:11.a valuable spur to economic activity. He was delivering the
:10:12. > :10:17.annual Margaret Thatcher lecture. She can't do it herself these days!
:10:18. > :10:22.I'll tell you what, is it a good time to play with the greed-o-meter?
:10:23. > :10:25.Yes, always a good time. What is the greed-0-meter?
:10:26. > :10:36.Let's have a look. Buzz in when you know what the
:10:37. > :10:43.greedy company logo is. So, spin the greed-o-meter!
:10:44. > :10:58.That's the logo for RBS. Are we dumbing down on this show? RBS, what
:10:59. > :11:01.have they been doing? Vince Cable has an adviser who has been
:11:02. > :11:04.investigating this and he said they have been deliberately driving small
:11:05. > :11:09.businesses out of business in order to profit. Given that we own most of
:11:10. > :11:12.RBS, they shouldn't be trying to bankrupt us. That's really not what
:11:13. > :11:17.banks are for. They're just meant to bankrupt the whole world. This week
:11:18. > :11:20.it was revealed that RBS are accused of intentionally causing companies
:11:21. > :11:25.to fail and then buying up their assets on the cheap. It makes you
:11:26. > :11:30.long for the good old days when bank managers stuck to crystal meth and
:11:31. > :11:32.rent boys. Let's have another spin on the greed-o-meter I don't know
:11:33. > :11:43.what that one is. Anything the government doesn't want
:11:44. > :11:47.to do, it gets Serco to put in a ridiculously bid for it, then they
:11:48. > :11:51.fail to do it properly and then go back to the government and we have
:11:52. > :11:54.to pay for it again. They are a classic case of outsourcing drivel.
:11:55. > :11:57.Would a lawyer be interested in anything you have just said? They
:11:58. > :12:01.have just lost the contracts for ruining, sorry running three prisons
:12:02. > :12:06.in Yorkshire. Why? Did all the prisoners run out one evening
:12:07. > :12:12.dressed in burkhas? No, that's G4S. Sorry, areas of expertise. They have
:12:13. > :12:14.been investigated along with G4S in a suspected fraud case where
:12:15. > :12:17.companies are charging the government large sums of money for
:12:18. > :12:27.tagging criminals who were back in prison, abroad, or dead. If they're
:12:28. > :12:31.dead, they should be voting in Falkirk. They should. This week saw
:12:32. > :12:34.the departure of the boss of Serco, the scandal hit security group, who
:12:35. > :12:38.have being charging to electronically tag offenders who
:12:39. > :12:44.were, in fact, dead. Although in the case of Jimmy Savile, you cannot be
:12:45. > :12:52.too careful. So, let's fire up the old greed-o-meter again, shall we?
:12:53. > :12:57.Goldman Sachs, they're greedy because they're a bank. They were
:12:58. > :13:01.the advisers to the government on the Royal Mail sell-off and it
:13:02. > :13:05.turned out they made a big profit on the back of the advice they gave on
:13:06. > :13:12.the price of the shares they sold. How? They said, keep the price low
:13:13. > :13:16.and the taxpayer actually missed out hugely because we didn't get any
:13:17. > :13:19.money and also they bought a lot of the shares. Is this insider trading
:13:20. > :13:23.like Martha Stewart? How dare you! What? I'm trying to keep you out of
:13:24. > :13:29.prison. You'll end up being supervised by Serco. Have any of you
:13:30. > :13:39.seen the financial scandal brewing in Brentwood? Eric Pickles is the
:13:40. > :13:46.MP. Have a look then at this. I did not spend ?10,000 on extra biscuits.
:13:47. > :13:54.So let's take one last look at the old greed-o-meter.
:13:55. > :14:11.London taxis are going to be converted to run on gas. Are they?
:14:12. > :14:14.No. Why are the big energy companies in the dock again this week? This
:14:15. > :14:18.isn't about putting up energy prices, it's not about that, is it?
:14:19. > :14:21.Unless they've done it again. If you're watching the repeat, they've
:14:22. > :14:25.just done it again. If they can cap payday loans, why can't they cap
:14:26. > :14:30.energy prices Alan? Exactly. Thank you. It has been revealed that last
:14:31. > :14:34.winter, 31,000... If only politics was that easy. Is there anything
:14:35. > :14:38.else you'd like to say to the British people! No. It's been
:14:39. > :14:41.revealed that last winter, 31,000 people, elderly people, died from
:14:42. > :14:49.the cold when the energy firms made profits of ?1.2 billion. The energy
:14:50. > :14:55.firms were slammed as immoral by the Chair of the Fuel Poverty Advisory
:14:56. > :15:00.Group, a man named Derek Lickorish. Well, it takes all sorts! Really
:15:01. > :15:05.unfortunate surnames tonight, Lickorish, Balls, Salmon, what show
:15:06. > :15:07.do you run? Let's go to the picture spin quiz. Fingers on buzzers,
:15:08. > :15:18.teams. This is Berlusconi wiping the
:15:19. > :15:23.cocaine from Putin's nose. He has been offered citizenship, this is
:15:24. > :15:26.the rumour. No, he has been asked to be Russian Ambassador to the
:15:27. > :15:32.Vatican. That is how you get citizenship. Why is Putin being so
:15:33. > :15:38.helpful to Silvio Berlusconi? He recognises a fellow leader in peril.
:15:39. > :15:40.According to the Daily Mail, Putin has attended Mr Berlusconi's
:15:41. > :15:58.infamous Bunga Bunga parties and even has a bed named after him.
:15:59. > :16:02.Could he be any more of a gay icon? Look at those eyes, just piercing.
:16:03. > :16:06.He professes to not like the gay thing so much. He is definitely in
:16:07. > :16:21.denial, I don't think the name was named after him. Alan, have you met
:16:22. > :16:25.Berlusconi? No, I wasn't at any of those parties. I was at a Wonga
:16:26. > :16:28.Wonga party but that's a completely different thing. Also this week,
:16:29. > :16:31.what did a Chinese lady transform herself into with the help of a fake
:16:32. > :16:35.plastic wart and some platform boots? Birmingham. Mao Tse Tung.
:16:36. > :16:43.What won't her husband do? Climb over the great wall on Friday night?
:16:44. > :17:04.Sleep with her. That's what I said. Fingers on buzzers, teams. That is
:17:05. > :17:07.the wonderful Nigella Lawson. She is wonderful but it's the allegation
:17:08. > :17:12.that Nigella Lawson may have been putting too much white flour in her
:17:13. > :17:17.brown bread. This is what bothers me about this story, it completely
:17:18. > :17:21.deflects from the issue. Charles Saatchi was pictured with both his
:17:22. > :17:24.hands around her throat and all of a sudden because she may have been
:17:25. > :17:28.using drugs, he is justified in doing so. No matter what she did, he
:17:29. > :17:30.is not. Where did the allegations come from then? APPLAUSE. The
:17:31. > :17:33.allegations come from e-mails discovered during the court case
:17:34. > :17:36.which is actually trying two of their former assistants for
:17:37. > :17:40.defrauding them. He has put an e-mail in saying she was off her
:17:41. > :17:43.face on coke for ten years but I didn't know this and I only
:17:44. > :17:47.discovered that shortly after she left me. We should point out the
:17:48. > :17:48.sisters deny all the charges. Come on, fingers on buzzers, teams,
:17:49. > :18:02.please. That is Heathrow Airport. Correct,
:18:03. > :18:09.which terminal? Five. It is the new one and they have found out you
:18:10. > :18:12.can't change the light bulbs. Yes! The ladder is not tall enough,
:18:13. > :18:15.that's why. Either that or it's going on holiday. Is the ladder
:18:16. > :18:19.going on holiday? Since the terminal opened in 2008, not a single bulb
:18:20. > :18:27.has been replaced and in some areas, up to 60% of the lights have blown.
:18:28. > :18:38.What is the solution? They are using a circus company, I think it's
:18:39. > :18:40.Cirque du Soleil. Serco? Have you seen the way Newsnight have begun
:18:41. > :18:52.introducing guests in an unsubtle way? Here is Will Young.
:18:53. > :19:07.Yes? It's the story in the Daily Mail that is absolutely fictitious
:19:08. > :19:10.and it has been a disgraceful story that says Rupert Murdoch no longer
:19:11. > :19:19.talks to Tony Blair and will not take his calls and it relates to his
:19:20. > :19:23.wife. Yes, this is the news that Tony Blair's fallen out with Rupert
:19:24. > :19:26.Murdoch amid rumours he may have secretly met his ex-wife, Wendi
:19:27. > :19:29.Deng. We, for legal reasons, must point out that Blair's friends said
:19:30. > :19:38.the relationship between him and Rupert Murdoch's ex-wife wasn't
:19:39. > :19:41.entirely innocent and above board. I thought you were going to say he
:19:42. > :19:45.denied the relationship between Tony Blair and Robert Murdoch, which was
:19:46. > :19:49.never innocent, was it, Alan? Why are you asking me? You were in the
:19:50. > :19:53.Cabinet, they must have told you something at some point? I never saw
:19:54. > :19:57.Rupert there once. I thought he sat in on Cabinet in the Blair years. I
:19:58. > :20:01.thought it was Tony, Gordon, Rupert, and you did the tea. Yeah, it was.
:20:02. > :20:15.Do you think Blair might dig Deng, sorry ding dong, sorry! Are we in
:20:16. > :20:19.the section of the show that will never be broadcast? This is the
:20:20. > :20:22.claim that Tony Blair secretly met Wendi Deng behind Rupert Murdoch's
:20:23. > :20:25.back. Any suggestion that Tony Blair has been involved in an extramarital
:20:26. > :20:27.affair is based on unsubstantiated rumour and no solid evidence
:20:28. > :20:34.whatsoever. Still, people have gone to war for less. OK, time now for
:20:35. > :20:41.the Odd One Out round. Paul and Alan, Ed Miliband, Prince Charles,
:20:42. > :20:46.the Israelites and Dale Irby. Is it something to do with red? It's to
:20:47. > :20:51.do...Lobbs, Charles Lobbs. Lobbs, shoes, a make of shoe. Have you just
:20:52. > :20:55.given us the answer? You take this seriously, don't you? Of course I
:20:56. > :20:59.take it seriously! They've all worn the same clothes. This man always
:21:00. > :21:02.wears the same clothes in photographs. He was in the news.
:21:03. > :21:06.Charles always wears the same pair of shoes. The Israelites, they
:21:07. > :21:12.couldn't change their clothes. The Egyptians gave them no time to pack.
:21:13. > :21:16.And Red Ed only wears red underneath his clothes. Almost, Ian, almost.
:21:17. > :21:21.They've all worn the same clothing for four decades apart from Ed
:21:22. > :21:24.Miliband. On Desert Island Discs the Labour leader admitted he always
:21:25. > :21:28.wore a purple jumper and white trousers to discos. What was Ed's
:21:29. > :21:40.favourite song to dance to in those days? # The Israelites.
:21:41. > :21:45.# It was A-ha. It was, Take On Me by A-ha. Is it a worry for Labour that
:21:46. > :21:49.Ed doesn't have the sex appeal of Nick Clegg? And Dale Irby is our gym
:21:50. > :21:53.teacher who's worn the same outfit for the school yearbook photo for 40
:21:54. > :22:04.years until he retired this year. Here's Dale in 1973. And here's Dale
:22:05. > :22:10.in 2013. Let's have a look at all the other photos. Have a look. There
:22:11. > :22:15.they all are. He's suffering from a combination of two medical
:22:16. > :22:19.conditions. He's got BOCD. Ian and Katherine, here are yours. Iain
:22:20. > :22:28.Duncan Smith, the seagulls in Herne Bay, Beyonce, and Northerners. Well,
:22:29. > :22:31.I know that Beyonce was recently banned from the pyramids because an
:22:32. > :22:38.important man in Egypt did not like her. He said she was stupid. I know
:22:39. > :22:41.that people in Herne Bay were banned from feeding the seagulls for the
:22:42. > :22:45.opposite reason, because they were so intelligent and they were
:22:46. > :22:51.overrunning the area. Iain Duncan Smith, has he been banned?
:22:52. > :22:56.KATHERINE: Should be. Iain Duncan Smith was kind of accused of being
:22:57. > :23:00.stupid by John Major. Wasn't it Osborne? That's right, by Osborne.
:23:01. > :23:04.So is this about people being accused of being stupid? Northerners
:23:05. > :23:11.are the odd ones out. And Beyonce is about to make a guest appearance in
:23:12. > :23:14.Last Of The Summer Wine. Nora Booty. They've all had their intelligence
:23:15. > :23:33.questioned, except the seagulls in Herne Bay. According to the Metro...
:23:34. > :23:41.What is 71-year-old Herne Bay resident Miss Dina Wilson now
:23:42. > :23:51.reduced to? Gullibility. Seven stone four. Hanging out the washing with a
:23:52. > :23:53.colander on her head. Beyonce was called "stupid" by Egypt's former
:23:54. > :23:56.Minister of Antiquities, the controversial archaeologist Zahi
:23:57. > :24:06.Hawass, who was showing her the pyramids. And she was showing him
:24:07. > :24:09."hawass" Anyway. In his Yorkshire Post column, Sir Bernard Ingham
:24:10. > :24:10.accused Northerners of "bovine stupidity" for saying they'd never
:24:11. > :24:27.vote Conservative and... True, they're not all la-di-da. Eric
:24:28. > :24:30.Pickles is just lardy. Time now for the Missing Words round, which this
:24:31. > :24:32.week features as its guest publication Glazed Expressions, the
:24:33. > :24:46.magazine of tiles and architectural ceramics. We start with, Recently,
:24:47. > :24:49.ITV's Coronation Street has what? Has introduced a talking weasel into
:24:50. > :24:53.number 72. Is there a whole weasel family? Yeah, they've moved in, the
:24:54. > :24:54.Weasels. Do they say, "Leave it out"? No, no, they're not Cockney
:24:55. > :25:10.weasels. Oh! In fact... Oh, tiles. Next, You don't know
:25:11. > :25:12.what? You don't know what you've got till it's gone. That's very
:25:13. > :25:22.profound, Alan. Thank you. You don't know the Weasels at number 72? This
:25:23. > :25:24.is a British couple intending to travel to San Jose in Mexico.
:25:25. > :25:35.According to the Sun... That's actually nearer than
:25:36. > :25:43.Ryanair's flight to San Jose. Next, what found in basement of Oldham
:25:44. > :25:52.Town Hall? Not more slaves. Is it Julian Assange? Chicken tiles. Next,
:25:53. > :26:02.Did Private Eye ever what? Produce a book of cartoons for the Christmas
:26:03. > :26:09.market. Ever make anyone laugh? Ooh! Did Private Eye ever give away...
:26:10. > :26:13.Tiles. Tiles. Let's have a look at them. Yeah, I'm not sure what's
:26:14. > :26:17.going on here. They're Willie Rushton drawings, aren't they? Gosh,
:26:18. > :26:21.must have been in the 60s. Desperate for readers even then. Next,
:26:22. > :26:25.Badgering causes what? Badgering causes Weasels to move out of
:26:26. > :26:31.Coronation Street. Badgering causes Monty Don to leave Twitter. Monty
:26:32. > :26:35.Don got involved in an argument on Twitter over the badger cull.
:26:36. > :26:44.According to the Farmers Weekly, the row began when...
:26:45. > :26:52.A badger march? Well, that's the time to cull them, surely? So the
:26:53. > :27:01.final scores are Ian and Katherine with seven and Paul and Alan have
:27:02. > :27:07.eight. Hey, what? How did we do that? Blimey. APPLAUSE.
:27:08. > :27:15.But before we go there's just time for the caption competition. ALAN:
:27:16. > :27:21.He's saying, "What do you mean, this train doesn't go to Primrose Hill?"
:27:22. > :27:25."Are you Lonely of Chatham?" On which note we say thank you to our
:27:26. > :27:28.panellists Ian Hislop and Katherine Ryan, Paul Merton and Alan Johnson
:27:29. > :27:32.and I leave you with the news that at the National Theatre as she
:27:33. > :27:34.reprises her role as Her Majesty the Queen, Helen Mirren regrets not
:27:35. > :27:41.employing her regular make-up artist.
:27:42. > :27:45.In Nevada a test pilot makes his way towards the cockpit of the most
:27:46. > :27:55.sophisticated stealth bomber yet. And as the USA's national debt
:27:56. > :27:57.spirals out of control President Obama is accused of squandering
:27:58. > :28:08.taxpayers' money on his Christmas party hat.
:28:09. > :28:18.Good night. APPLAUSE.