0:00:38 > 0:00:41Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44I'm David Tennant. In the news this week,
0:00:44 > 0:00:46there's concern on the beach in Newquay
0:00:46 > 0:00:49as David Blunkett goes missing on a surfing holiday.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57At Westminster, Labour MP Ben Bradshaw
0:00:57 > 0:00:59explains the drawbacks of having an office
0:00:59 > 0:01:01directly below the Scottish Nationalists.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Well, twice, I've had urine pouring through from the upstairs gents
0:01:05 > 0:01:07through my office ceiling into my office.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10And at Stafford Prison,
0:01:10 > 0:01:12after his wobbleboard is confiscated,
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Rolf Harris is unhappy with the replacement.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25On Ian's team tonight is a ceramic artist
0:01:25 > 0:01:28who's also on record as being a supporter of the Labour Party.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Well, at three quid a pop, who isn't these days?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Please welcome Grayson Perry.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35APPLAUSE
0:01:39 > 0:01:43And with Paul is a comedian and host of BBC Two's search
0:01:43 > 0:01:47for the country's best salon stylist in a show called Hair.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Filming was chaotic, as nobody did anything
0:01:49 > 0:01:51until the director shouted "Cut!"
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Please welcome Katherine Ryan.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55APPLAUSE
0:01:58 > 0:02:00So we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Ian and Grayson, take a look at this.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04It's tax credits.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Oh, look, it's the Grayson Perry Lookalike Competition.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I think these guys gave it to George Osborne
0:02:10 > 0:02:11with a statutory instrument.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15The House Of Lords threw out the Tax Credits Bill.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19It's a triumph for the forces of non-democracy.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24The right result, but a slightly strange set of means.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Indeed - it's the government's historic defeat
0:02:26 > 0:02:30in the House of Lords over George Osborne's tax credit cuts.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31It's a case of, like,
0:02:31 > 0:02:33the wrong people doing the right thing, isn't it?
0:02:33 > 0:02:38Like if white supremacists had a bake sale for breast cancer.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39You'd be like, "Well, OK..."
0:02:39 > 0:02:42Who was particularly red in the face about it?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Cameron, presumably?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46I'm trying to think who was red in the face, apart from George Osborne,
0:02:46 > 0:02:48but he doesn't, cos he hasn't got any blood.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Uh...
0:02:51 > 0:02:54APPLAUSE
0:02:54 > 0:02:57How was George reacting on the night of the defeat?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- What did he have to say for himself? - I think it was shock.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02The House Of Lords is traditionally there to vote down bills
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- put forward by the Labour Party. - Yes.- And...
0:03:07 > 0:03:10They suddenly got the wrong end of the stick
0:03:10 > 0:03:12and threw out a Tory bill, so everyone's very cross.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14And the Tories, you know, they're going to...
0:03:14 > 0:03:18They're going to team up with Corbyn and abolish the House of Commons.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Uh, Lords!
0:03:21 > 0:03:23I can't remember which it is, now.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25It's that sort of acute political analysis
0:03:25 > 0:03:28that has made your name on this programme.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33On the night, though, George did seem to get stuck
0:03:33 > 0:03:35in a bit of a loop - have a look at this.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Tonight, unelected Labour and Liberal lords
0:03:39 > 0:03:41have defeated a financial matter
0:03:41 > 0:03:44passed by the elected House of Commons
0:03:44 > 0:03:46and David Cameron and I are clear
0:03:46 > 0:03:50that this raises constitutional issues that need to be dealt with.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Will you take action against them, to punish them?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Well, let's be clear, unelected Labour and Liberal lords
0:03:57 > 0:04:00have voted down a matter passed by the elected House of Commons.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02That raises constitutional issues
0:04:02 > 0:04:06and David Cameron and I are clear they will need to be dealt with.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Chancellor, you also said this was your judgment
0:04:08 > 0:04:12and it turned out to be wrong - that's damaging for you, isn't it?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Well, let's be clear - Labour and Liberal lords who are not elected
0:04:15 > 0:04:19have voted against measures in a Conservative budget
0:04:19 > 0:04:21and that raises constitutional issues.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26There's a switch on his back.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Oh, if only...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32His Cabinet colleagues spent a lot of the week saying
0:04:32 > 0:04:34he was in...
0:04:36 > 0:04:39I wonder if that's as creepy as all his other modes.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- So, has this damaged George, do you think?- Yes.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Fatally?
0:04:45 > 0:04:47One can only hope.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52APPLAUSE
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Yeah, the people who proposed
0:04:53 > 0:04:55the most important motions against the cuts
0:04:55 > 0:04:58were Baroness Meacher, Baroness Manzoor
0:04:58 > 0:05:00and Baroness Hollis -
0:05:00 > 0:05:01or, as the Daily Mail call them...
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Which one was it took the nuclear option?
0:05:12 > 0:05:16It was Baroness Manzoor who tried to pass the fatal motion.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Fatal motion - which is what did for Elvis, I think.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25It does serve them right for creating all those peers.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28There didn't used to be that many and now there are 800 of them.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Yeah, to be fair, half of them get burned down during the summer.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Can't stop that. Can't stop that happening.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41You'd think that, given so many peerages,
0:05:41 > 0:05:42the Tories would have a majority
0:05:42 > 0:05:44at the House of Lords by now, but they don't.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46There have been veiled threats that Cameron would flood
0:05:46 > 0:05:48the House of Lords with new 100 lords.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51If you were Cameron, who would you choose to parachute in there?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- Jeremy Clarkson, that's who they should put in.- Oh.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56That'd get rid of him off the telly, wouldn't it?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- AS JEREMY CLARKSON: - 0-800 in 300 years.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08He'd have a denim robe, though, wouldn't he?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13And following the votes, there was an interesting discussion
0:06:13 > 0:06:16between Baroness Meacher and Michael Ellis MP.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18It's worth seeing if she was convinced
0:06:18 > 0:06:21by anything that Michael Ellis had to say - let's have a look.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24..the House of Commons holds sway over financial matters
0:06:24 > 0:06:27is a crucial one to the functioning of our constitution.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Otherwise, we have self-appointed people in the House of Lords.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34They have had that temptation placed in their path
0:06:34 > 0:06:37on dozens of occasions over the last century.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41They resisted that for 100 years - tonight, they haven't.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47It's wonderful that they've got her down there,
0:06:47 > 0:06:48translating for the hearing impaired.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53In a bid to make sure this never happens again, of course,
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Lord Strathclyde has announced he's going to do a rapid review
0:06:57 > 0:06:59into curbing the House of Lords' powers.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I'll give you a bonus point if any of you can give me
0:07:02 > 0:07:05the real name of Lord Strathclyde.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Bunty?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Is it one of those bonkers, long names?- Yes - he's called...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Another man of the people.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25He has also got product placement in the middle of his name.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31You just can't trust the Tories.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Does he change his name in wet weather?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Several of the papers identified one clear super-villian in all this.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Who was that?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Andrew Lloyd Webber.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Yes, mega-rich musical gargoyle, Andrew Lloyd Webber.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52APPLAUSE
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Little gargoyle.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56He flew in from New York to vote for the tax credits cuts.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59It was his first vote in over two years.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01He's previously voted just 30 times
0:08:01 > 0:08:04out of a possible 1,898
0:08:04 > 0:08:09in 14 years. But he did deny he had flown back specifically
0:08:09 > 0:08:13for the vote. Does anyone know why he says he was in town?
0:08:13 > 0:08:17He was here for an opening of one of his productions somewhere.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19A new musical called Cuts.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23APPLAUSE
0:08:26 > 0:08:29He did he was in town to watch the revival of Cats, the musical.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Surely he's seen that already?
0:08:32 > 0:08:33Or maybe he's just got a bad
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# Memory... #
0:08:42 > 0:08:46What was the other big story about tax from the Commons this week?
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Tampon tax.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50SHE SIGHS
0:08:50 > 0:08:51LAUGHTER
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Tell us about that, Katherine.
0:08:53 > 0:08:58Well, there is a 5% tax on sanitary products because they are considered
0:08:58 > 0:08:59to be luxury items.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04Now, while that does not affect me, obviously. I do not use tampons.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06I'm a single mother, not a king.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10LAUGHTER
0:09:11 > 0:09:16It's ridiculous. You are taking food out of your children's mouths
0:09:16 > 0:09:19to pay for tampons. You are, literally, better off taking the food
0:09:19 > 0:09:21out of their mouths and using that.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25It is insane that this should be taxed.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29This is just dehumanising to call it a luxury item.
0:09:29 > 0:09:34There are no jokes. People say period jokes for women.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37There are not a lot of period jokes for the same reason that there are
0:09:37 > 0:09:39not a lot of leukaemia jokes. It is too sad!
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- We have got a lot of period jokes coming up.- No!
0:09:42 > 0:09:48We really do. Yes, it is the tampon tax. The VAT on tampons has been
0:09:48 > 0:09:50maintained because, as Katherine said,
0:09:50 > 0:09:53it is considered a luxury item, unlike Jaffa Cakes,
0:09:53 > 0:09:57which are exempt from VAT because they are an essential.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- There is your answer.- Yep.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Yes, this is the shock news that the House of Lords does, in fact,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15serve a useful purpose.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18LAUGHTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:21As a result of the Lords' rebellion, the Chancellor has been forced to
0:10:21 > 0:10:24rewrite his Autumn Statement, which now reads,
0:10:24 > 0:10:25"Damn, shit and bollocks!"
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Meanwhile, the Treasury survived a rebellion over the so-called...
0:10:31 > 0:10:33A relief for George Osborne,
0:10:33 > 0:10:35who is going through a tricky period at the moment.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Paul and Katherine, take a look at this.- Yep.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Oh, bad news. Killer on the plate.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Yes, this is the bad news that...
0:10:49 > 0:10:55- What the what?!- ..eating too many sausages could lead to you exploding
0:10:55 > 0:10:58like an atom bomb.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Eating sausages is as dangerous as nuclear war.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Or is it plutonium?- Strictly speaking, it's plutonium, yes.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Plutonium?!- It's a banned substance now, the sausage.- Oh!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10It is not quite as dangerous as eating plutonium, is it?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- No.- Unless Putin is serving.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I think MI5 will be assassinating people, by giving them sausages
0:11:16 > 0:11:17and bacon.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Meat cancer has been all over the news. Yes.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21And bacon is the worst offender.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24So, it is a good day for Jews and Muslims.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Yes, processed meat is now in the top class of five
0:11:32 > 0:11:35World Health Organisation classifications
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- for carcinogenic substances harmful to humans.- Right.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41To put things in perspective, eating processed meat increases
0:11:41 > 0:11:45the risk of cancer by 18%. I think plutonium is a little higher.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51Will you have to change your diet, now that this news has been leaked
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- to you?- Do you know, I think I will just risk it.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Risk it for a brisket.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06In fact, the World Health Organisation has tested over 940
0:12:06 > 0:12:10substances and only one has been found not to cause cancer.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Any idea what it was?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Plutonium.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18It is...
0:12:24 > 0:12:27The Guardian went looking for individual reactions to the news.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What did John and Bobbie the butchers have to say?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32"You've got to die of something, ain't you?"
0:12:34 > 0:12:36"Here we are, love."
0:12:37 > 0:12:39They said...
0:12:45 > 0:12:46The report went on...
0:12:56 > 0:13:00The Daily Star interviewed a very unusual group of people,
0:13:00 > 0:13:01which included....
0:13:07 > 0:13:10He obviously did not have a problem with sausages.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Who, or what, might save us?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Vegetarianism.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Tomatoes. They're genetically modifying tomatoes to kill cancer.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Is that right? - Absolutely right, yes.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27According to scientists at the John Innes Centre in Norwich...
0:13:34 > 0:13:38You'll be as healthy as an alcoholic if you eat these tomatoes.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41There are foods that are medicine and there are foods that are poison
0:13:41 > 0:13:43and there is nothing in between.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45But right now, our poison to medicine scale is off the charts.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49We're just ingesting bacon and food that's not food. And bread.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Don't get me started on bread, David.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53You believe it's the devil, right?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I have never eaten bread. Even when I was a child.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59It looks like eating a napkin. That's not food.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00I mean, historically, it is food.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03I mean, all those ducks can't be wrong.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06It's bad for ducks too.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08It's quack cocaine.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10APPLAUSE
0:14:12 > 0:14:16Which other harmful foodstuff is the government being urged to deal with?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Sugar.- Sugar, yes.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21A tax on sugar would cut down on obesity, apparently.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25But why won't David Cameron have anything to do with a sugar tax?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Do the people who make sugar
0:14:26 > 0:14:29contribute to the Conservative Party in any way?
0:14:29 > 0:14:31That is an appalling suggestion.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- Lord Sugar.- Yes.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42The actual response from the Government is that
0:14:42 > 0:14:45if you put on a sugar tax, unbelievably,
0:14:45 > 0:14:48it will affect mostly the poorer people in the country.
0:14:48 > 0:14:52So, much better just to take their credits away.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56And then they won't buy fizzy drinks and sugar.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01- So, they are caring.- Yeah. According to the Times...
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- He doesn't want to be SEEN to be doing it.- He draws the blinds.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Calls for sugar tax have intensified this week.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Sugar is causing problems in Somerset,
0:15:18 > 0:15:20where wild ponies are confronting tourists
0:15:20 > 0:15:23in an aggressive pursuit of sugary confections.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26According to the Mail...
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Even worse, when the three other horses erected a screen around her
0:15:32 > 0:15:34and loaded a bolt gun.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44According to the Daily Star, scientists also claim that...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48You know you've got a serious problem
0:15:48 > 0:15:52when you're desperately trying to find an unused vein in your Stilton.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58On we go to round two, the Jigsaw of News.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Fingers on buzzers. Buzz when you know what this is.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06BELL
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Yes, Ian and Grayson?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11This is... Apparently, a 15-year-old from Northern Ireland
0:16:11 > 0:16:14is meant to have hacked into TalkTalk's computer
0:16:14 > 0:16:19and got all people's personal details and put them on the web.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Exactly. Four million customers of
0:16:21 > 0:16:24the broadband and phone provider TalkTalk.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Their details were allegedly stolen by a teenage boy.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29We're not allowed to reveal HIS name.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32He's yet to be convicted of a crime and he is a minor.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Fortunately, the Sun don't care about that
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- and they've named him as "5ft tall- BLEEP BLEEP".
0:16:38 > 0:16:42With a name like that, he shouldn't be hard to trace.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Just go round all the schools, and when the register's called,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48wait till you hear that noise and you've got him.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I feel sorry for the IT guy. He'll be like,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53"It must have been China or some North Koreans
0:16:53 > 0:16:56"got through my firewall." "No, it was a child." "Oh..."
0:16:56 > 0:16:59The Daily Mail said he had a single mum.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Oh, well, he's definitely guilty, then.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04On behalf of all single mums, I'm just glad that our bastard children
0:17:04 > 0:17:07are finally participating in white-collar crime.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Who says there's no aspiration in the world any more?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I know! It's felt like you have to worry about your son,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19knock on this door, "You better be wanking in there
0:17:19 > 0:17:21"and not bringing down a corporation."
0:17:23 > 0:17:26The two activities aren't mutually exclusive...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33This is the so-called...
0:17:34 > 0:17:38..who allegedly carried out a damaging cyber attack on TalkTalk.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41TalkTalk boss Dido Harding said they will handle compensations claims
0:17:41 > 0:17:45for their four million users on...
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Bad news for loyal customer Zachariah Zimmerman.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57The 15-year-old boy who was arrested is described as...
0:18:00 > 0:18:02It makes you proud to be British.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05In America, he'd have gunned down half his school by now.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Fingers on buzzers, teams. Here's another one for you.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Who is it?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19BUZZER
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Yes! That's Paul and Katherine.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24I refuse to recognise or remember who this man is.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28It's Tony Blair! He's sort of partially apologised but not really.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- I think this an attempt to sort of get in before the verdict.- Yes.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35We do now know that the Chilcot Report is expected to be published
0:18:35 > 0:18:37June or July next year.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Six years we've been waiting. Six years.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Longer than the entire Second World War, to come up with
0:18:42 > 0:18:45the one sentence we want - "Guilty".
0:18:45 > 0:18:48What did he specifically apologise for?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51He said he was sorry that the intelligence
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- turned out not to be accurate.- Yes.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Speaking in an interview with American broadcaster CNN, he said...
0:19:01 > 0:19:03That's not really fair, given that he manipulated the evidence
0:19:03 > 0:19:05to make sure it wasn't accurate.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08So he didn't really apologise.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11What has former weapons inspector Hans Blix said about this
0:19:11 > 0:19:13this week? Anyone hear this?
0:19:13 > 0:19:16He accused Blair of misrepresenting intelligence
0:19:16 > 0:19:18about Iraq's WMD programme, as you say.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22When asked whether Blair had lied, he said...
0:19:37 > 0:19:40So, to Labour leaders and international relations,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42what did Jeremy Corbyn say about having dinner
0:19:42 > 0:19:44with the Chinese President?
0:19:44 > 0:19:45BELL
0:19:45 > 0:19:50- Yes, Ian?- He said it was incredibly boring.- He did. He said...
0:19:56 > 0:19:59This comes from the man who photographs drain covers,
0:19:59 > 0:20:02so that really was an insult.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05What startling revelations did the Sun uncover
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- about Jeremy Corbyn this week? - What are the stunning revelations?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Well, the Sun tracked down Jeremy Corbyn's wife's niece,
0:20:12 > 0:20:16who lived with him until recently, who disclosed that he enjoys...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26What a bastard.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37And finally, another international statesman revealed
0:20:37 > 0:20:40something this week. Who and what was that?
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I think "international statesman" is pushing it, but...
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- It's not Sepp Blatter? - It's Sepp Blatter.- Ah!- GRAYSON: Yes.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51He shocked us all - not - by saying that choosing Russia
0:20:51 > 0:20:54to host the World Cup was a forgone conclusion
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- before the actual vote.- Hmm.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58So it was rigged?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- Yes, I know. Shocking, isn't it? - It is.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06The Russians will be furious to find out they didn't win it legitimately.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Putin will be angry as hell.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Yes, this is the news that Tony Blair had sort of said
0:21:14 > 0:21:18sorry for Iraq. During the interview, Tony Blair added...
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Mr Blair, no-one is doubting your ability to deceive people
0:21:26 > 0:21:28on a massive scale.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Also this week, Sepp Blatter revealed that even before
0:21:35 > 0:21:38voting began, it had already been decided
0:21:38 > 0:21:40that Russian would host the 2018 World Cup,
0:21:40 > 0:21:43but he denied this was doing Russia any favours as they would lose
0:21:43 > 0:21:45in the final, 3-2, to Germany.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's just one between you this week. Your four are...
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Charlotte Proudman,
0:21:53 > 0:21:54the Dalai Lama,
0:21:54 > 0:21:55James Bond
0:21:55 > 0:21:57and air conditioning.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58BELL RINGS
0:21:58 > 0:22:00GRAYSON: Is it something to do with sexism?
0:22:00 > 0:22:05Charlotte Proudman has been the victim of sexism on LinkedIn.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Right.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09And all the others have been accused of sexism.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13I think air conditioning was recently outed as a sexist.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Ah, yes. Yes.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Because it favours the male metabolism.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I don't know about the Dalai Lama,
0:22:19 > 0:22:23but James Bond is practically a synonym for sexism.
0:22:23 > 0:22:27It's a full, frank and fundamentally 100% correct answer.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Yes.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30APPLAUSE
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Proudman sparked a media storm when she accused a fellow lawyer
0:22:35 > 0:22:37of being sexist for commenting on her photo
0:22:37 > 0:22:40on the professional online platform LinkedIn.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45Also, Charlotte Proudman has stolen her hairstyle from someone...
0:22:45 > 0:22:46No, I've got... LAUGHTER
0:22:46 > 0:22:50I've got this hair registered.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Ian, I think you'll find the Dalai Lama
0:22:52 > 0:22:53has pulled off a similar...
0:22:55 > 0:22:58APPLAUSE
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Daniel Craig recently called James Bond a misogynist.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04He's a bit of a misogynist in the way that Oscar Pistorius
0:23:04 > 0:23:07is a bit lucky he wasn't black.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Just a bit...
0:23:10 > 0:23:13This much.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Air conditioning has been accused of being sexist
0:23:15 > 0:23:17for being set at too cold a temperature
0:23:17 > 0:23:19for female office workers.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21There is of course a simpler way
0:23:21 > 0:23:23of making women feel warmer in the office -
0:23:23 > 0:23:26just double glaze that glass ceiling.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Yeah.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34And the Dalai Lama has outraged feminists
0:23:34 > 0:23:37by saying that any potential female successor to his role
0:23:37 > 0:23:39would need to be very, very attractive.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43Some Tibetan Buddhist priest believe that in the moment of his death,
0:23:43 > 0:23:47the reincarnated Dalai Lama enters the body of a small child.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Whereas some Catholic priests think, "Why wait?"
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Time now for the Missing Words Round.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58We start with...
0:24:01 > 0:24:05GRAYSON: Smoking while there's children in the Millennium Falcon.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Chewbacca arrested for...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Yes, this is the news that a man dressed as Chewbacca
0:24:14 > 0:24:16was campaigning for a candidate called Darth Vader
0:24:16 > 0:24:18in a Ukraine election.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Fair enough with Putin on the doorstep -
0:24:20 > 0:24:23a vote for Darth Vader is a vote for peace.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Here he is being carted off by police.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33And here he is in court.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42He looks like he's been roughed up since he was put into that car.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Next...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51KATHERINE: The Pope has a good job but he doesn't get to internet date
0:24:51 > 0:24:53or does he?
0:24:56 > 0:24:57The Pope has a good job
0:24:57 > 0:25:02but he doesn't get to take time off or fly a kite or stuff a ferret.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05GRAYSON: He doesn't get to wear trousers or culottes.
0:25:05 > 0:25:06Yes.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- LAUGHING:- Culottes.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13It must be all of those.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15All of which answers are more plausible than the actual truth,
0:25:15 > 0:25:17which is...
0:25:24 > 0:25:25..according to Rod Stewart,
0:25:25 > 0:25:29who expressed these views this week in an interview with the Sun.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33Rod, do you know nothing about Catholicism?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36The Pope has wine during the show.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Finally...
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Was a popular euphemism.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52For what?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Invading Crete.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Creek?- Crete.- Oh.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Oh, sorry. You were on a beaver theme.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04I thought you were calling sex "Invading the creek", and I...
0:26:04 > 0:26:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I...
0:26:10 > 0:26:13..loved that.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I loved that.
0:26:15 > 0:26:19Well, we can do a retake if you like.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22It's a more interesting answer than the rather obvious...
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Parachuting beavers killed 15 civilians in the 1940s.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Were they trained by MI5?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Yeah, but you can't direct the parachuting beaver.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Once he's out there, he's out there.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Good for all those German dams, though.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37GRAYSON: Oh, fair enough.
0:26:37 > 0:26:41Parachuting beavers imitated Churchill.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- IMITATING CHURCHILL:- We are parachuting beavers.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Parachuting beavers...
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Oh, no.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01An historian in the US state of Idaho
0:27:01 > 0:27:05has unearthed a video of the great beaver trip of 1948,
0:27:05 > 0:27:07a relocation plan for the state's beavers.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09Here it is.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Now into the air and down they swing.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16Box open and a most unusual and novel trip ends for Mr Beaver.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21What?!
0:27:21 > 0:27:23How can it be cheaper to drop them from planes
0:27:23 > 0:27:26rather than just take them in a car, "There you are."
0:27:28 > 0:27:31"I'm not flying easyJet again, thanks very much.
0:27:31 > 0:27:32"Where the hell am I?"
0:27:35 > 0:27:38What happens if the box doesn't open when they hit the ground as well?
0:27:38 > 0:27:40GRAYSON: They're beavers!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44APPLAUSE
0:27:46 > 0:27:48So, at the end of the quiz, the final scores are...
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Paul and Katherine have five,
0:27:50 > 0:27:52but the winners are Ian and Grayson with six.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:57 > 0:27:59And I leave you with the news
0:27:59 > 0:28:02that as George Osborne begins to look vulnerable,
0:28:02 > 0:28:05leadership rival Boris Johnson plans his next move.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12In Zurich, Sepp Blatter explains how despite being President of Fifa,
0:28:12 > 0:28:14evidence of corruption never reached him.
0:28:16 > 0:28:20And CCTV captures the moment just before Prince Philip
0:28:20 > 0:28:22finally loses it with the Queen.
0:28:28 > 0:28:29Goodnight.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE