0:00:31 > 0:00:32CHEERING
0:00:37 > 0:00:41Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Stephen Mangan.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45In the news this week, at an England training session,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Gareth Southgate tries to win over his young squad
0:00:48 > 0:00:51by showing how much he's improved his penalty technique.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04At a Leave campaign reunion, David Davis hears that Michael Gove
0:01:04 > 0:01:06is about to throw himself off a balcony.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20And in Islington, on her first day in her new job,
0:01:20 > 0:01:25a Polish cleaner is given somewhat brusque instructions.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Nice to see you here this morning. This is my house, by the way.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Goodbye.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38On Ian's team tonight, a German comedian who presented
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Channel 4's An Immigrant's Guide To Britain.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Good luck getting a second series.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Please welcome Henning Wehn.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47APPLAUSE
0:01:51 > 0:01:55And with Paul tonight is the leader of the Scottish Conservative Party,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58who's described herself as a tough old bird
0:01:58 > 0:02:02and a short-haired, flat-shoed shovel-faced lesbian.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Who writes your speeches, Donald Trump?
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Please welcome Ruth Davidson, MSP.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:17And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Paul and Ruth, take a look at this.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20The pound is falling.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- That's them falling.- As demonstrated by the falling pound there.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Don't know who he is, but he's very happy to have...
0:02:25 > 0:02:27PG Tips, PG Tips. Marmite.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30PG Tips and Marmite, and this is the danger of hay
0:02:30 > 0:02:32can suddenly explode at a moment's notice.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- This is just typical BBC whingeing. - Is it?- Yes.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I mean, the suggestion the pound has crashed.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43I mean, it's gone down a lot and hit the bottom...
0:02:43 > 0:02:47- But it's bounced back up.- No, it hasn't.- Hasn't it?- No. Boomph!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Anyway, we're not allowed to say that,
0:02:50 > 0:02:53because then we're boring old sneery, liberal re-moaners.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- No, come on, it's just a government ploy, isn't it?- Mmm.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00To make the UK as unattractive as possible for migrant workers.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03What they want to do is send stuff home, yeah,
0:03:03 > 0:03:07so dispose of the money, and if that only buys you a loaf of bread,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11well, obviously they'll stay in Poland, then, won't they?
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- Well, you're still here.- Well, if I had any transferable skills, Ian...
0:03:18 > 0:03:22I just said that in case Amber Rudd comes round with a clipboard.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25My team has a foreign worker on it.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28I...
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Yeah, but for who knows how much longer?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- I'm considering the citizenship test.- Can you queue?- If I have to.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- I try to get to the front as quickly as possible.- Er, yes...
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I wasn't even booked to be on here this evening.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52It's the first one to get their towel down on the chair essentially.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54This is the news that the pound
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- has been subject to terrible fluctuations.- Yes.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59To put the drop in the pound's value into context,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01shall we play a little game called...
0:04:01 > 0:04:02- Yeah.- HENNING:- Yeah.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05- ..What Can You Buy For A Pound? HENNING:- Yes!
0:04:05 > 0:04:06PARTY HORN TOOTS
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You can buy ten of those graphics for a pound, for a start.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Last Friday, could you have brought this for a pound?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Erm...no.- Is the correct answer, yeah.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22In fact, I've got them here. Look.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24These are High Five puppets.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29And they retail at 1.19,
0:04:29 > 0:04:34and last Friday the pound was only worth 1.15.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Donald Trump's welcoming hands, are they?- Yes.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40What about a cap that says "Bad Ass"?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- Can you buy that for a pound?- Yes.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- No.- No, you couldn't.- Oh.- That's... - No, I tried.- Did you?
0:04:47 > 0:04:491.22, that cap.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51What about this? Could you have bought this for a pound?
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Yes.- Well, actually, no.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58It went below for a while, didn't it?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01It did indeed, especially if you went to Moneycorp
0:05:01 > 0:05:04at Gatwick Airport, as Martin Lewis, the money-saving man did.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08Moneycorp were offering 97 cents for every pound,
0:05:08 > 0:05:11and helpfully selling euros for £1.35.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18What is Brexit Minister David Davis particularly cross about?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Is he cross about the fact that people are going on
0:05:21 > 0:05:22about the pound as you have been doing?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25It was Ed Miliband and all the other MPs on all sides
0:05:25 > 0:05:27who've asked for a debate on the deal
0:05:27 > 0:05:30the Government is going to negotiate with the EU,
0:05:30 > 0:05:35but David Davis is refusing to allow any room for "micro-management",
0:05:35 > 0:05:38as he calls the workings of the House of Parliament.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Are you a fan of David Davis?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Erm, I didn't really know him particularly well, but I'm getting
0:05:45 > 0:05:47to know him now in his new role and, you know,
0:05:47 > 0:05:49hopefully he can do a job for us.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51We're going to need him to.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57You'll go far in this politics lark.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02What about the rest of the Government? Theresa May, like her?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- Absolutely.- I'm not going to go through the entire Cabinet.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07I was thinking, this is going to be a really long show
0:06:07 > 0:06:09and not a terribly amusing one, I have to say.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Oh, I don't know, I think it might get...
0:06:13 > 0:06:14Who's been the chief winder-upper
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- of David Davis this week? - Keir Starmer.- Correct, yes.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20He was the former Director of Public Prosecutions,
0:06:20 > 0:06:23or as Iain Duncan Smith called him...
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Said the third-rate politician, but, er...
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Keir Starmer, as the Shadow Spokesman for Brexit, had presented
0:06:32 > 0:06:35the Government with 170 questions about the plans for leaving the EU.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39But I think 140 of the 170 questions from Labour
0:06:39 > 0:06:41were, "Who's now in our Shadow Cabinet?"
0:06:41 > 0:06:45- Who are the new big beasts in the Shadow Cabinet?- Diane Abbott.- Yes.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- She's a big beast. - She's the Shadow...
0:06:50 > 0:06:52She's the Shadow Foreign Secretary.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'm not sure you're allowed to say that.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- She's the Shadow Foreign Secretary. - I know I'm not.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Shadow Home Secretary.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Who were the other surprises in the Shadow Cabinet?
0:07:00 > 0:07:05- Arnold Schwarzenegger.- Yes! No. Shami Chakrabarti.- Oh, yes.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07She's been appointed Attorney General.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Now, why are these surprising choices for Jeremy Corbyn?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Well, Jeremy Corbyn said, I mean, repeatedly during his career
0:07:13 > 0:07:15that you shouldn't just parachute people into the House of Lords
0:07:15 > 0:07:17that you want to put into government,
0:07:17 > 0:07:19and the House of Lords is a disgrace,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21and then he appointed Shami Chakrabarti
0:07:21 > 0:07:23to be in the House of Lords,
0:07:23 > 0:07:24despite having said that,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27and then immediately appointed her to the Shadow Cabinet,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30which he also said was appalling when other Labour leaders did it.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I'm not suggesting he's inconsistent or hypocritical,
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I'm just laying out the facts.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38How did Shami Chakrabarti respond when asked about justifying
0:07:38 > 0:07:41sending her kids to an £18,000-per-year private school?
0:07:41 > 0:07:42This is when she said
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- that she lives in a nice house so it's OK.- Yes, she said...
0:07:53 > 0:07:54It's disgraceful, isn't it?
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Like seeing how something as basic as public infrastructure
0:07:57 > 0:08:00that's education, how can that be...?
0:08:00 > 0:08:01How can it be privately run?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Surely it has to be run by the state?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05It should be the monopoly of the state.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's just not a level playing field
0:08:07 > 0:08:10and whoever takes advantage of such an unfair system
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- should be utterly ashamed of themselves.- Oh, I don't know.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15APPLAUSE
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Don't applaud, don't applaud. I'm an absolute hypocrite
0:08:18 > 0:08:21because, given half a chance, I always use the M6 Toll!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27At the poor man's turn-off, "Bye-bye!
0:08:27 > 0:08:31"I worked hard for the right to drive straight. Brr-rr-rr-rr!"
0:08:31 > 0:08:34There is even a service station on the M6 Toll.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Always go in there. It's just...
0:08:36 > 0:08:38a completely different class of people.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Well, this is the news that, following the Brexit vote,
0:08:45 > 0:08:48the pound is now worth roughly the same as a euro.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Just as we leave the single market,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53we join the single currency. Great(!)
0:08:55 > 0:08:57As a result of the pound's collapse,
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Wednesday saw certain brands running low at Tesco's, including...
0:09:04 > 0:09:07..which really put the romantic dinner I'd planned for Mrs Mangan
0:09:07 > 0:09:09up the spout.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Ian and Henning, take a look at this.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Yeah, there he is. - That's Boris.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Putin, checking on the end of the world.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Yeah. Hippies. - Stop the War, I think.- Yeah.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23And Jeremy having a good old time.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Has he joined a band?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27HENNING LAUGHS
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- This is the war in Syria. - Yes.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Boris's first intervention as Foreign Secretary.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35He has had one idea, which is a no-fly zone.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38There should be nobody flying over Aleppo or over Syria.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41But the only people flying there at the moment are the Russians.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- So we need to shoot them down.- Yes.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47Which, again, could trigger a world war.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Which will make Brexit look quite amusing.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Boris is a bit like the political equivalent
0:09:54 > 0:09:58to death by misadventure, isn't he?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00He's just saying something.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04"Oh, let's see what happens when I say this.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07"Oh, bloody hell! World War Three!"
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Yes, this is the news that Boris Johnson has made
0:10:11 > 0:10:13his front-bench debut as Foreign Secretary.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Boris made another controversial suggestion during a speech...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23How did the Russian embassy respond?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25It was furious.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28They did what any self-respecting diplomatic mission should do -
0:10:28 > 0:10:30they got very sassy on Twitter.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Within minutes of Boris's comments,
0:10:34 > 0:10:38Russian envoys in London tweeted the Ministry of Defence, saying...
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Hmm.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Oo-ooh!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50But in terms of Stop the War,
0:10:50 > 0:10:52it does appear to be that it has stopped some wars,
0:10:52 > 0:10:55just not any wars that involve Russia.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Russia walks into the Crimea, absolutely fantastic,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59so let's be on the side of the Russians.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00The Russians are bombing Syria,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03let's not raise our voice about that.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Seumas Milne in Pravda today backing it up is just...
0:11:06 > 0:11:07It really is Stop the West,
0:11:07 > 0:11:10and I think they are a bunch of shameless hypocrites
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- and they should be called out for it.- The problem is that
0:11:13 > 0:11:16if you have a statement from Stop the War, who are against wars...
0:11:16 > 0:11:18- Just some wars.- ..and saying it's very important for us
0:11:18 > 0:11:20to unite against the West,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23you think, "Have you been watching this at all?"
0:11:23 > 0:11:25It isn't the '70s.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27I wish it was the '70s.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31- The Cold War was a lot easier to get your head round, wasn't it?- Yeah.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34There was the Russians and there was everyone else.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Exactly.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38That's how I liked it.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Ruth, what do you think of Boris?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46I think that he's got a tough job
0:11:46 > 0:11:48and he's giving it his best.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- Fantastic endorsement. - Cos you're friends again now.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01You did accuse him of peddling lies during the whole Europe thing?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04There was a very big debate
0:12:04 > 0:12:07and we've yet to see whether the £350 million a week
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- is going to go to the NHS. - Oh, I think we know.- Yeah.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I...um...
0:12:16 > 0:12:20Do you have confidence in the role of Foreign Secretary?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Cos you seemed quite equivocal in a recent interview.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27How about saying, "I have confidence in Boris Johnson"?
0:12:27 > 0:12:30I've always had confidence in the role of the Foreign Secretary.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32That's what I said!
0:12:32 > 0:12:35That's not the same as saying my sentence.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38I suggested you say, "I have confidence in Boris Johnson."
0:12:38 > 0:12:42We know you love the post of Foreign Secretary.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I sat down with Boris, we had a very good meeting.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- He's taking the role incredibly seriously.- Why won't you say it?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I have more confidence in Boris Johnson now I've sat down with him
0:12:51 > 0:12:53than I had before. There you go!
0:12:54 > 0:12:58So, Ruth, do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01My confidence in Boris Johnson increases every day.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04From a very low base.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Is this like the pound increasing in value?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12One man who could save us from all this global turmoil
0:13:12 > 0:13:14is the newly appointed UN Secretary-General,
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Antonio Guterres.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- Yes!- Although that does mean a sad goodbye
0:13:18 > 0:13:20to the wonderful Ban Ki-moon.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23# I'm making a list Checking it twice
0:13:23 > 0:13:26# Going to find out who's...
0:13:28 > 0:13:33# Going to find out who's naughty or nice
0:13:35 > 0:13:40# Ban Ki-moon is coming to town. #
0:13:46 > 0:13:48It sounds like a kind of Wild West term, doesn't it?
0:13:48 > 0:13:52- AMERICAN ACCENT:- "He won't come out in the desert tonight. It's a Ban Ki-moon."
0:13:52 > 0:13:56This is Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson taking on Russia
0:13:56 > 0:13:59over the bombing of Syria. A Russian firm has just launched
0:13:59 > 0:14:02a child bed in the shape of a missile-launcher.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04You just put it up in your child's bedroom
0:14:04 > 0:14:07and before you know it, he's annexed the bathroom.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14A Russian lawmaker and key ally of Vladimir Putin has told Americans...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19..which has left many Americans asking,
0:14:19 > 0:14:22just how bad can nuclear war be?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25And so to round two. It's the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31BUZZER
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- Yes, Paul? - It's obviously Donald Trump.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36You can't help but feel that his opponents have been keeping
0:14:36 > 0:14:39these leaked recorded messages back until they make maximum impact.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42There was another one just today about him making a remark
0:14:42 > 0:14:45about a ten-year-old girl on an escalator.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48"I'll be dating her in ten years' time," sort of thing.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50His attitude towards women is very much
0:14:50 > 0:14:53his attitude to the rest of humanity, really, I suppose.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54He's a dickhead.
0:14:54 > 0:14:58APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- Does that answer the question? - Fair enough, yep.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07His basic problem is he's confusing the role of
0:15:07 > 0:15:09President of America with
0:15:09 > 0:15:121970s light entertainment comedian at the BBC.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16The fact that everyone's tolerated him up this moment,
0:15:16 > 0:15:17suddenly they've said,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20"Well, look, Donald Trump, he's awful, how could we have told?"
0:15:20 > 0:15:21LAUGHTER
0:15:21 > 0:15:23"He's been campaigning for months and months
0:15:23 > 0:15:25"and we've never had any indication...
0:15:25 > 0:15:28"that he might be thoroughly ghastly in any number of ways.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30"I mean, how were we to know? This is unfair."
0:15:30 > 0:15:33At what point was it not ludicrous that the presenter
0:15:33 > 0:15:36of The Apprentice in America could become the commander-in-chief?
0:15:36 > 0:15:38It's like saying the presenter of Have I Got News For You
0:15:38 > 0:15:40could become...Foreign Secreta...
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Anyway, erm...
0:15:42 > 0:15:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I'm sure that loyalty will be rewarded.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Yes, Donald Trump has had a difficult week,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59he's finally said something even HE thinks he has to apologise for.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Publication of a video showing him discussing preying upon
0:16:02 > 0:16:06married women and kissing and groping women without their consent.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Is it fair to judge someone on comments they made ten years ago?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13I mean, this is surely just youthful hijinks from when he was...59.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19But he was even condemned by his wife, wasn't he?
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Which is sort of pushing it, when the future First Lady says,
0:16:23 > 0:16:24"No, he's appalling!"
0:16:26 > 0:16:27To be fair, though,
0:16:27 > 0:16:29that was Michelle Obama's speech she just stole.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32APPLAUSE
0:16:32 > 0:16:34His supporters leapt to his defence.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36What sort of thing did they come up with?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38"We're too thick to know any different."
0:16:38 > 0:16:43Trump-loving radio host Bill Mitchell reassuringly tweeted...
0:16:50 > 0:16:51LAUGHTER
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Ian and Paul, you both know a lot about trains.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57How long does it take to change the tyres?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Now, we mustn't forget about Hillary.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01What's the latest accusation that's been levelled at her?
0:17:01 > 0:17:02She's not Donald Trump.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05No, that's her campaign.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- She's quite unpopular, isn't she? - She's incredibly lucky,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12there were some more e-mails this week released about Hillary,
0:17:12 > 0:17:15in which she'd gone to a private bankers' do and says,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18"Don't worry what I say in public, I think you guys are great
0:17:18 > 0:17:21"and the only people who know about banking is you."
0:17:21 > 0:17:24That's quite damning for a politician, but she's very lucky.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29This week, Donald has literally trumped it...
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- by being the worst candidate ever recorded in electoral history.- Yes.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37In any country, at any time...
0:17:37 > 0:17:38- ever.- In any contest.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41And I'm including Vlad the Impaler's run.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Well, it's not quite a two-horse race,
0:17:43 > 0:17:45because there is a third option.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Gary Johnson is the Libertarian candidate.- He's great.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Fingers crossed that he's the sensible choice.- Yes.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- Let's have a look at him in action. - He's great.
0:17:53 > 0:17:57What would you do, if you were elected, about Aleppo?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- About...? - Aleppo.- And what is Aleppo?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02LAUGHTER
0:18:02 > 0:18:05- You're kidding?- No.
0:18:05 > 0:18:11Aleppo is in Syria. It's the epicentre of the refugee crisis.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13OK, got it, got it.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Why is he wearing an earpiece?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Cos obviously it's not connected to anything,
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- cos otherwise somebody would have told him.- Mmm.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23That's not an earpiece, it's keeping his brain in.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28This is the news that Donald Trump has had another difficult week.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32There is one Briton who likes Donald Trump -
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Nigel Farage compared him to...
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Where's a trigger-happy zookeeper when you need one?
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48BUZZER
0:18:48 > 0:18:53This is crazy, freaky clowns that are going around terrorising people.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Yup.- But they've been coming a cropper because some people
0:18:55 > 0:18:59are fighting back, and now a man dressed as Batman is now
0:18:59 > 0:19:04being a vigilante, beating up people dressing up as clowns.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Yes, that's correct.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Let's look at the Daily Star's soothing map of where
0:19:08 > 0:19:10incidents have taken place so far.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- HENNING:- OK, most of that up north.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Where they've got bugger all else to do.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Can I become Foreign Secretary?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27So, from the clowns' point of view, what are the dangers of this craze?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Well, people stop finding them funny.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Yes, true, but it could be more physically dangerous than that.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36- One clown was left with a bloodied nose...- A red nose?
0:19:36 > 0:19:37Yes. LAUGHTER
0:19:37 > 0:19:39An actual red nose,
0:19:39 > 0:19:42after one of his victims head-butted him in revenge, saying...
0:19:46 > 0:19:49You've got a tattoo that says that, haven't you, Ian?
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Yes, but to be fair, it is on his butler.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59It's on the butler, isn't it?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01It's a dangerous pursuit, scaring people, as we seen...
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Of course it is!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05..in this classic clip.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Are you going trick-or-treating? - No, probably...
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Argh!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12LAUGHTER
0:20:15 > 0:20:17This is the news that people around the UK are dressing up
0:20:17 > 0:20:19as clowns to scare people.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21According to the Daily Star...
0:20:25 > 0:20:29He said he was from the Home Office Immigration Department.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31There were a spate of sightings in Manchester,
0:20:31 > 0:20:35one of a clown with a chainsaw, whose grotesque features
0:20:35 > 0:20:37were terrifying passers-by,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40but it just turned out to be Mick Hucknall trimming his hedge.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Mick Hucknall?! Topical news quiz(!)
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Time now for the Odd One Out Round. Ed Balls...
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Andy Murray...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Mrs Troffea from 16th-century Strasbourg...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56and Black Lace singer Dene Michael.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- It's got to be dancing.- Yes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02- Ed Balls is still on Strictly Come Dancing...- Still in there.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06..unless this is a repeat, in which case, he won.
0:21:07 > 0:21:11- The man from Black Lace... - Did they not invent the conga?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14They didn't invent the conga, surely the conga had been going...
0:21:14 > 0:21:16right back.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18When did you start doing the conga, Ian?
0:21:18 > 0:21:22I think Ian has home movie footage of Lloyd George doing it.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27- In 1921.- HENNING:- The painting has never danced.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Was she put to death for dancing?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Which one is the odd one out?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Oh, yeah, we still haven't got that one solved.
0:21:35 > 0:21:36Andy Murray is the odd one out,
0:21:36 > 0:21:39cos all the others have got involved in dancing and he hasn't.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Is the correct answer.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46They have all led a dance, apart from Andy Murray,
0:21:46 > 0:21:48who broke with years of tradition by refusing to dance
0:21:48 > 0:21:51with Serena Williams at the Wimbledon Champions' Ball.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53What accident befell Murray as he made his escape
0:21:53 > 0:21:55from the dance floor?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Did his phone catch fire?
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- Did he trip and fall over? - Is the right answer. He said...
0:22:05 > 0:22:10Ed Balls has made it through to the third round of Strictly Come Dancing
0:22:10 > 0:22:12after winning the nation over with his samba.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Balls told the Mail On Sunday:
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Which was all going fine until he tripped over some miserable
0:22:21 > 0:22:26old bloke sitting on the floor, moaning about the lack of seats.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28You wonder why politicians
0:22:28 > 0:22:32see the need to be on any light entertainment formats.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38What is the appeal?
0:22:38 > 0:22:42If there only was someone here that could enlighten us.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45You should ask the Foreign Secretary that question.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Do you have confidence in Boris Johnson?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I think he'd be excellent on Strictly Come Dancing, yes.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Not the question I asked, but moving along.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Frau Troffea of Strasbourg was the first victim
0:22:57 > 0:23:00of the 1518 Dancing Plague.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02She began dancing in the street. According to parish records,
0:23:02 > 0:23:06within four days she'd been joined by 33 others. And...
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Do you know what caused this mania?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Poison mushrooms. - Well, almost, yeah.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20The latest theory points to a poisonous ergot fungus.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27It's only when I come on this programme I realise I know stuff.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- It's like an organic version of LSD. - Lovely.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32According to Wikipedia,
0:23:32 > 0:23:36the plague began in 1518 when Mrs Troffea began...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Egged on by a young Mick Jagger.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Black Lace singer Dene Michael Betteridge
0:23:43 > 0:23:46revealed that during his time in prison he led a 60-man conga line
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- around the prison yard. - I know their records were pretty bad
0:23:49 > 0:23:51but I didn't know he'd been sent to prison.
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Doing the conga in prison, it's less a dance, more a trust exercise.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I'd like to be the one right at the back, to be honest.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Black Lace's albums include:
0:24:16 > 0:24:18And after the court case - Guilty Party.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Time now for the Missing Words Round
0:24:22 > 0:24:26which this week features as its guest publication, FishPal.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29- FishPal!- We start with...
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- HENNING:- White heterosexual men.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Salmon. Fish. Haddock. Bream.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Brown trout!
0:24:49 > 0:24:53This is an article from FishPal about the brown trout winning a vote
0:24:53 > 0:24:56to become Britain's favourite fish. Next:
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- HENNING:- Casually.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07No, the answer is:
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Oh, yes.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13According to reports, the German set off from the French coast,
0:25:13 > 0:25:16trying to get across the Channel to Britain.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20You didn't manage it in 1941, Fritz, you're not doing it now.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Boring!
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Next:
0:25:29 > 0:25:30HENNING LAUGHS
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Britain and the European Union.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- No.- Steve Watson and cod.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Getting closer.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41John Watson and cod.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45That's so good I've got to give it to you.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Next:
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Man's intimidating trousers
0:25:53 > 0:25:56cause consternation in local village.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00- That was pretty much it, yeah. - Oh, no, it can't be!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06This is a county council meeting where one councillor's trousers
0:26:06 > 0:26:08were called intimidating. Here he is.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Mr Dowson says he owns 41 pairs of camouflage trousers.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17He needs that many because they're very difficult to find.
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Next:
0:26:24 > 0:26:26When he wrote Halibut Prince Of Denmark.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Er...Pilchard III.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33- Midsummer Night's Bream.- Oh!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38The answer is:
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- This is Shakespeare the rod company. - Ah.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45As featured in FishPal magazine.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- Shakespeare and fishing have got quite a lot in common.- Here we go.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51You sit around for hours getting bored and then everyone dies.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55And finally:
0:26:57 > 0:26:59There's no word missing.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04No, the answer is:
0:27:08 > 0:27:09Here is the cheeky mutt.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16The incident happened at the Vatican as the Pope met with members
0:27:16 > 0:27:19of the Dog Agility Group.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21The Pope blessed the dogs by making the sign of the Cross,
0:27:21 > 0:27:24and after one of them defecated on his shoes
0:27:24 > 0:27:26he made the sign of the very cross.
0:27:28 > 0:27:32So, the final scores are - Ian and Henning have 5
0:27:32 > 0:27:34but Paul and Ruth are this week's winners with 9.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36Well done.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39DROWNED OUT BY APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:43And I leave you with the news that senior figures in the Labour Party
0:27:43 > 0:27:47hierarchy deny that MPs disloyal to the leader are being abused.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53In Cornwall, one pensioner struggles to understand why he's not
0:27:53 > 0:27:55getting any reception on his phone.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04And as more revelations about BHS emerge, Philip Green poses
0:28:04 > 0:28:09for a photoshoot in a doomed attempt to show he's not a prick.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Good night.