0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language
0:00:24 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Kirsty Young.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44In the news this week,
0:00:44 > 0:00:47unseen footage from the first series of Top Gear
0:00:47 > 0:00:51shows how Chris Evans found out he was no longer required.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57LAUGHTER
0:00:59 > 0:01:03After a dinner to celebrate her personally endorsing his campaign,
0:01:03 > 0:01:08Mary Berry and David Davis make their way home from the restaurant.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12LAUGHTER
0:01:15 > 0:01:18And the producers of the movie Fast & Furious 9
0:01:18 > 0:01:20deny that budget cuts have taken
0:01:20 > 0:01:23some of the thrill out of the action sequences.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:33APPLAUSE
0:01:33 > 0:01:36On Ian's team tonight is a comedian
0:01:36 > 0:01:39who has OCD and supports Leeds United,
0:01:39 > 0:01:41which must be infuriating for him,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44as every time he looks at the table they're just in the wrong place.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Please welcome Jon Richardson.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49APPLAUSE
0:01:53 > 0:01:58And with Paul tonight is the political editor of ITV News,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01who last year grew a moustache to conceal his injuries
0:02:01 > 0:02:04after falling off his bicycle,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07both of which were horrific handlebar disasters.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Please welcome Robert Peston.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11APPLAUSE
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Ian, I believe you won... you won an award today,
0:02:15 > 0:02:17you've been given an award, haven't you?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18By... Is it the Beano or somebody?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22What did you do, send off enough coupons? What did you get?
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Was that your acceptance speech?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35And so we start, then, with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Ian and Jon, take a look at this.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39Big headed, not at all.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43Thomas, oh, that's the Nationalised Tank Engine.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46- JON:- She's good at that, isn't she?
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- Oh, no.- Yeah. Are you? I haven't got a problem with it,
0:02:50 > 0:02:52but I'll just back up over here.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- It's the general election, isn't it? - It is.- And it's neck and neck.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02What did Jeremy Corbyn promise us this week?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04He said he'd be Prime Minister, for a start. Which is good.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Well, we want to know he wants it.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Um...
0:03:09 > 0:03:13And he said there'd be more spending, and, um...
0:03:13 > 0:03:15More bank holidays!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- Yeah.- Yes! That was the sort of...
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Hooray! - Hooray?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Do you not want to work, sir?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26You want to idle in bed?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Watching Midsomer Murders repeats.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Oh, that's a late lay-in, that.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37He promised four days off on the UK's patron saints' day.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41What was his response...? There were critics who said it would
0:03:41 > 0:03:44cost the country a lot in lost productivity,
0:03:44 > 0:03:45and what was his riposte to that?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48"I'm not going to get in anyway, so it don't matter."
0:03:51 > 0:03:55He said that more people were going to spend more money on holiday,
0:03:55 > 0:03:57which would help to make up for the deficit.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59And then somebody said in response to that,
0:03:59 > 0:04:01"Then why don't we have all year off?"
0:04:03 > 0:04:07All politicians this week did their sort of customary
0:04:07 > 0:04:11little speeches with the compulsory backdrop of supporters.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12There's Theresa May.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15There's Tim Farron.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17And here is Jeremy Corbyn,
0:04:17 > 0:04:18well, he's doing it all wrong.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Our future Prime Minister!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23CHEERING
0:04:27 > 0:04:29APPLAUSE
0:04:33 > 0:04:36It's almost unfair, isn't it?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Well, he was naively thinking that supporters
0:04:38 > 0:04:40were there to be spoken to. What a fool.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43What did Boris call Jeremy this week?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- Oh, something mutton-headed. - Mugwump.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Mutton-headed mugwump.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Mugwump.- Is that right?
0:04:48 > 0:04:50That's... What a team, yes, that is indeed right.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53What's really odd about it is it's quite a good thing being a mugwump.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56A mugwump is an independent-minded person who's not
0:04:56 > 0:04:59desperately attached to a political party.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01It's not a bad thing to be!
0:05:02 > 0:05:04And I thought they'd locked Boris up in a cupboard.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09I thought it was official Tory policy that he just stayed inside the cupboard.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14They let him out to say that we're just going to bomb Syria whenever President Trump wants us to.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16So he's not doing any harm at all!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Do we know what mugwump really means, though?
0:05:19 > 0:05:22I told you what it meant!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Are you doubting the political editor of ITV?- I think he is!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28He is! He wins an award and he thinks he's Lord Rothermere.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32APPLAUSE
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Extraordinary turnabout!
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Sorry, that was a very insulting thing to say!- If I thought I
0:05:36 > 0:05:39was Lord Rothermere I'd get on a plane to France and avoid some tax.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Boo!
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Is that a boo of support for the Daily Mail's proprietor?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Bloody hell.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52And so, what makes Jeremy happy?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Oh. I don't think I've seen him laugh.
0:05:55 > 0:05:56Take a look at this.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Good comedy.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Good jokes. Um...
0:06:01 > 0:06:03What makes me laugh is children being happy.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- Oh...- We can add one of the saints' days, St Jeremy's Day.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17And what did Jeremy, this week, refuse to say?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20He wasn't going to go on the debates, is that it? He said that
0:06:20 > 0:06:22if Theresa May's not going to do the debates,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24then rather than accept the open goal...
0:06:24 > 0:06:25- ROBERT:- Totally right.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- JON:- ..to put his policies across without being interrupted, he's not going to do them, either.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I was thinking of a slightly bigger issue than that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Could there be a bigger issue?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34A sad child?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42APPLAUSE
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Is this Trident?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Yes, he said he would refuse to press the big red button.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50He's not going to press the red button, and I quite like that.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53APPLAUSE
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Who would press the big red button? If you were in that position, do you think you'd take the decision?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I think it should be like the National Lottery,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03you should get a chance to, your chance to get
0:07:03 > 0:07:05the red button for a day, see what people do with it.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Corbyn got a barrage of flak from, predictably, the right-wing press,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13for "undermining the UK's nuclear deterrent".
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Although when Labour's defence spokeswoman,
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Nia Griffiths, said then...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21..the Sun called her "trigger-happy".
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Can you be trigger-happy with a button?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30You can be button-happy, but it doesn't really make much sense, does it?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- You get the gist, I guess. - I do get the gist, indeed.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34On the subject of refusing to answer,
0:07:34 > 0:07:36let's talk about gay sex. Why not?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Bit early for me, but OK, here we go!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44APPLAUSE
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I know it's what you want.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- Robert, you really nailed Tim Farron at the weekend.- Beg your pardon?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57APPLAUSE
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Well, we certainly talked a lot about gay sex,
0:08:00 > 0:08:02that's certainly true.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03And on the programme?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05And on the programme!
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Will you apply the same criteria to all candidates?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Are you going to ask them all about people's sex lives
0:08:10 > 0:08:13and whether they agree with gay sex and gay marriage?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Obviously, I'm going to have to.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17A straight answer.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21GROANS
0:08:21 > 0:08:24No, no, no, it's remarks like that that won Ian an award this week!
0:08:24 > 0:08:26APPLAUSE
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Maybe Tim Farron could have adopted the more nuanced approach
0:08:31 > 0:08:34of a would-be UKIP councillor in Glasgow,
0:08:34 > 0:08:38Gisella Allen. She told the Sunday Herald newspaper...
0:09:00 > 0:09:02LAUGHTER
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I'm quoting her!
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- Oh, yes. I wasn't confused, I was just...- OK.- Shocked!- Shocked!
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Gisella is 84, she has a wide range of views.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16She's anti-plastic bags, but very pro-horses.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Difficult to get your shopping in, though.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Shove it up...- Stop it!
0:09:23 > 0:09:28She also has a thought that would surely resonate with us all.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Speaking of the guillotine, probably the way things are going in France,
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Ian, we might be seeing the return of that.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Um, yes, the far-right party came second.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47But unlike in America, that doesn't mean they won.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50APPLAUSE
0:09:53 > 0:09:56They might do yet. So, the...the establishment has been defeated.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Do you think the idea that Macron is not the establishment is ludicrous?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02- A lot of people say that he's the establishment.- Yes.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Well, he was a cabinet minister, wasn't he, in the last government? - ROBERT:- And a banker.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- And a banker.- For Rothschild.- Yeah.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- And he's...- So he's not the establishment.- No.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13- OK.- Not any more.- OK, he's the establishment,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16but Le Pen, Marine, is she the establishment?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18I mean, she's the daughter of
0:10:18 > 0:10:20a former presidential far-right candidate.
0:10:20 > 0:10:26- She's the daughter of a racist, anti-Semitic far-right candidate, yeah.- Good.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29APPLAUSE
0:10:29 > 0:10:30Can I just ask, are we allowed...?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32You're pronouncing these words very French.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Are we allowed to do that now we're coming out of the EU?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Are there no questions about the Conservatives at all?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- They're coming! - Is that the new BBC policy?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45APPLAUSE
0:10:48 > 0:10:53I mean, I don't want to question the superior wisdom of the BBC,
0:10:53 > 0:10:54particularly not with Robert here.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Well done. Thank you.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- Ian, that award has changed you. - Yeah.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- OK. The Tories are coming. - Oh, God, I hope not.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Enough of them in already.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Do you want some more water with that?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20APPLAUSE
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Now, Theresa May outlined an unusual plan to keep immigration down this week.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29What was that?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31By letting in a lot more people.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Let's take a little look, shall we?
0:11:33 > 0:11:36We want to lead the world in preventing tourism.
0:11:40 > 0:11:45The Tories have announced one policy that we've heard before. What was that?
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- Is that capping electricity?- Yeah, it is, a cap on fuel prices.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52Yeah, that was a very bad idea when Ed Miliband announced it.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55- Yeah.- But now they've announced the same thing, it's a really good idea.
0:11:55 > 0:12:01In the old days it was interfering in the market, but now it's... It's interfering in the market.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04But it's a very good idea, because the Tories are doing it.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Do you see the difference?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09If Labour do it, it's very, very bad.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14If the Conservative Party do it, it's intervening in a good sense
0:12:14 > 0:12:17to provide a stable, strong, strong and stable...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- LAUGHTER - ..stable.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22APPLAUSE
0:12:24 > 0:12:27She's a Christian, but she doesn't get asked about her views on gay sex, does she?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Will she? Will she?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31She will be.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Up against a strong, stable table.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36APPLAUSE
0:12:39 > 0:12:41But she won't come on your show, will she?
0:12:41 > 0:12:42She won't do any television.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- She is coming on the show.- Oh, she is coming on your show?- On Sunday.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48- Oh, brilliant!- So there we are. - Do watch, it's on ITV.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53I wonder if this bit will stay in BBC's Have I Got News For You.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Now, of course, the polls are showing Theresa May has the highest approval rating
0:12:57 > 0:13:00of any Prime Minister for over 40 years.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01That includes Thatcher.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06Let's take a look at what one fan in Bolton thinks of her.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08She could come out in a bin bag, for me,
0:13:08 > 0:13:10and I think she would still be strong.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I don't want her to come out in a body bag, just a bin bag!
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Yes, it is week two of the election campaign.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Following a controversial interview with Robert Peston,
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Lib Dem leader and committed Christian Tim Farron
0:13:26 > 0:13:28clarified his position, saying...
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Which let Nick Clegg off the hook for buggering the Lib Dems for five years.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39APPLAUSE
0:13:41 > 0:13:45So, Paul and Robert, let's take a look at this.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Oh, yes, this is how to throw a dinner party in the 1950s...
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Oh, humus, yes, there's a humus shortage.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54That's a man, unbelievably, "No humus, no humus!"
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Yes, there's been a huge drought of humus,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01it's run out. The man that produces it, Hugh Muss, has said that, uh...
0:14:02 > 0:14:05It's got a metallic taste to it now and the supermarkets have taken it
0:14:05 > 0:14:08off their shelves, there's a great humus debate. It's gone missing.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10For those of us in the liberal metropolitan elite,
0:14:10 > 0:14:12this is more of a disaster even than Brexit.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17APPLAUSE
0:14:17 > 0:14:20I hope there's still taramasalata. Is there?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22What about quinoa? What would we do?
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- What was that last one? Quinoa. - Quinoa.- Quinoa.- Oh, what's that?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28It's a terrorist group.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Very like Humus.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Yeah, you're quite right. Why have Sainsbury's,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Tesco's and Marks and Sparks withdrawn humus from their shelves?
0:14:38 > 0:14:43- People have complained it's tasted funny. Metallic taste to it.- And fizzy.- And fizzy.- Fizzy?- Yes, fizzy.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46This wasn't the most shocking food news we've had this week.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48What else have shoppers reacted to in amazement?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Oh, Blue Riband, not going to be made. Is that the one?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Jobs going at Blue Riband? No.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- Well, they're moving. The jobs are moving.- Moving.- Yeah.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Nestle has said...- To a different country, I think.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Yeah, they're going to move 300 biscuit-making jobs
0:15:00 > 0:15:01from Britain to Poland.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04That's going to be hard to get home at night.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10And social media was set alight by people baffled and upset
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- that a biscuit they'd always thought was called Blue Ribbon...- Yeah.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Is it "..nd"? It's the D on the end, isn't it?
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Yeah, it's called Blue Riband.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Why did people think it was called Blue Ribbon?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- I have no idea, because it's been called that since 1936.- It has!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Consumers were so deeply traumatised...
0:15:27 > 0:15:30PAUL LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- You saw people crying in the streets.- Yeah.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- They went online to vent their horror.- Oh, dear.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Yeah, of course they did. Becca wrote...
0:15:45 > 0:15:48And Terry agreed, with...
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- OK, I'm going to do a little experiment with you now...- Yes. - ..which I know you'll love.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Have you got some?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59No, we've not got an endless budget, Ian.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04But only 99p for a packet of eight, I noticed on that still earlier,
0:16:04 > 0:16:06and at 99 calories a treat, that's fun for all the family.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Are they paying you?
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Let's hope so, after this goes out.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15So what I'd like you to do in this little experiment
0:16:15 > 0:16:17is write down the name
0:16:17 > 0:16:20as it appears on the label of a Kit Kat.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:25 > 0:16:28No conf... Da-da-da-da!
0:16:28 > 0:16:29- No conferring?- No conferring.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33It's like the Tory cabinet.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Make it up yourself.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43OK, I've written Kit Kat, because I'm presuming that's how it's written on the label.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Right, Robert, let's see yours.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49- Just says Kit Kat, really.- Yeah, it's a circle with Kit Kat on it.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- Right.- I put a hyphen in it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Yeah.- Oh, could be a hyphen, yeah.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I've got Peston On Politics, this Sunday at nine,
0:16:55 > 0:16:56featuring Theresa May.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57Aww, I love you!
0:16:57 > 0:17:01APPLAUSE
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Actually, that's sabotage, it's ten.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Ah!
0:17:04 > 0:17:07It hasn't got a hyphen, that's what I was going to say.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Oh! We were right. No hyphens over here.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Amazing.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14233 calories, though, you're better off with two Blue Riband.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19APPLAUSE
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Robert, do you think the move by Nestle of the jobs to Poland,
0:17:24 > 0:17:26do you think it's related to Brexit?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30They say it isn't, which almost certainly means it is.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Because what companies say when they move jobs is,
0:17:32 > 0:17:33"It's got nothing to do with Brexit."
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Robert, you answered that so rapidly and concisely, and thank you for that.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40You didn't do what you did when Bill Turnbull asked you a question
0:17:40 > 0:17:43about the Greek economy. Let's have a look.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46At what point do you say, you know, to all intents and purposes,
0:17:46 > 0:17:48the Greek economy is failing to function?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Aren't those the surface things that have to work?
0:17:51 > 0:17:52HE SIGHS
0:17:54 > 0:17:56LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:18:02 > 0:18:08- In other food-related news...- Yes. - ..do you say "scon" or do you say s-cone?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I thought it was s-cone.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11I thought it was "scon".
0:18:11 > 0:18:14I mean, who cares, really, but...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The Scone Society of Great Britain!
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Cambridge University have done the Great Scone Map.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Apparently, the further south you live,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28the more likely you are to say s-cone than "scon".
0:18:28 > 0:18:34The Mail Online lamented the "fading away of regional dialect words".
0:18:40 > 0:18:41Probably for the best.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44A scone in the autumn does sound better than a muffin in the backend.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48APPLAUSE
0:18:52 > 0:18:54It's time now for the Odd One Out round.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59The tiger mascot for the Siliwangi Military Command in Indonesia,
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Archimedes,
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Millicent Fawcett
0:19:02 > 0:19:04and Cristiano Ronaldo.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Ronaldo recently had a statue made of him, didn't he?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09So it's him sort of looking funny or amused, I think.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- So it's about statues, I think. - It is.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15The mascot, I don't know anything about that, but I imagine it's a pretty grim mascot.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I think the statue was regarded as laughable,
0:19:17 > 0:19:19and presumably there'll be a... I know there isn't yet a statue of
0:19:19 > 0:19:24Fawcett, the rather impressive woman on the left who was a suffragette in the 19th century,
0:19:24 > 0:19:30- but Theresa May has promised that there will be...- Ah!- ..a statue of her in Parliament Square.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32There is a statue of Archimedes.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34There must be one somewhere, presumably.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- But someone objected to it. - Oh, really?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38So they're all statues people have objected to,
0:19:38 > 0:19:41apart from Fawcett, who's going to get a statue.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43She must be the odd one out.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45They're all subjects of controversial statues,
0:19:45 > 0:19:47apart from, as you said, Millicent Fawcett,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49whose planned statue is being welcomed
0:19:49 > 0:19:53as it will be the first female statue in Parliament Square.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54One male Telegraph journalist
0:19:54 > 0:19:57reporting on the statue wrote that...
0:20:07 > 0:20:11And so Portugal, as you say, decided to honour Cristiano Ronaldo by
0:20:11 > 0:20:13renaming Madeira Airport after him
0:20:13 > 0:20:16and unveiling this bronze bust at one of its terminals.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20Here is the world-famous footballer Ronaldo.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21And here's the statue.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29How did the sculptor, Emanuel Santos, take criticism of his work?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32It's a side of Cristiano that we don't normally see.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- Something like that. - He claimed that Ronaldo,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Ronaldo's brother and Ronaldo's mum loved the work, adding...
0:20:42 > 0:20:46When the bust was unveiled, why was Batman at the airport?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Did he just come back from his holidays?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53Apparently, genuinely, nobody had any idea.
0:20:56 > 0:21:00And so a statue of the majestic, fearsome Sumatran tiger
0:21:00 > 0:21:03mascot of the Siliwangi Military Command in Indonesia
0:21:03 > 0:21:05went viral this week. Here it is.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15"What does he want from us?"
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Those mad, staring eyes, that gaping, mad mouth.
0:21:20 > 0:21:25According to a spokesman for the Siliwangi Military Command,
0:21:25 > 0:21:27why did the statue end up looking
0:21:27 > 0:21:30so unlike the ferocious beast it was supposed to resemble?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Um, they couldn't get the head they wanted.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37The spokesman said it was because the artist...
0:21:39 > 0:21:42APPLAUSE
0:21:44 > 0:21:46The poor little statue's now been destroyed,
0:21:46 > 0:21:48but how did some people honour the statue
0:21:48 > 0:21:50before its demise?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Well, they took, of course,
0:21:52 > 0:21:54to editing it into famous pictures online.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- Yes.- One person put the tiger in Jungle Book.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04One in the TV series Lost.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11And another made him star in the film Life Of Pi.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16APPLAUSE
0:22:16 > 0:22:22A nude statue of Archimedes is said to be distracting drivers on a road in Basingstoke.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Who in particular has complained about the statue?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Is it a local councillor?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29No, several locals, including a guy called Steve Gould
0:22:29 > 0:22:30who wrote a letter to the council
0:22:30 > 0:22:32claiming that the statue was...
0:22:36 > 0:22:39According to the Daily Telegraph, Christian De Ferranti,
0:22:39 > 0:22:40the wife of the statue's owner,
0:22:40 > 0:22:44said the offending object had been blown out of all proportion.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54So, let's settle this once and for all and take a little look.
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Do you find this distracting?
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- No, not really.- I didn't even know he was from Basingstoke.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:05 > 0:23:08So they are all the subject of a controversial statue,
0:23:08 > 0:23:10apart from Millicent Fawcett,
0:23:10 > 0:23:12whose planned statue is being welcomed
0:23:12 > 0:23:16as it will be the first female statue in Parliament Square.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19At the moment, the most popular statues in Parliament Square are,
0:23:19 > 0:23:24one, Winston Churchill, two, Abraham Lincoln, and
0:23:24 > 0:23:27# Three! Nelson Mandela! #
0:23:27 > 0:23:31LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:35 > 0:23:39The offending naked statue of Archimedes is outside the owner's house.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I'm told it's a large, impressive semi, but don't know much about the house.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51It's all smut with you, Kirsty, isn't it?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53I've got to get it out somehow, Ian.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57So it's time now for the Missing Words round,
0:23:57 > 0:23:59and we start with...
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Waffles on and on and on...
0:24:08 > 0:24:09The answer is...
0:24:11 > 0:24:14This week, Avik Caron was sentenced to five years in jail after
0:24:14 > 0:24:19pleading guilty to stealing over 3,000 tonnes of syrup
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- valued at 18 million.- Wow.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24One Canadian journalist said the theft was...
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Particularly bad news, the Quebec Maple Syrup Company.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38Yeah, well, it's about time somebody stuck it to those bastards, isn't it?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42So, Paul...
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Next.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Laughing loudly behind old women in building societies.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53I was very good at that when I was 19, but, no,
0:24:53 > 0:24:55"It's not a sport." Oh, well.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57One rule for the rich.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Is it bribery?- No!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04That's not an ALTERNATIVE Olympic sport.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- Oh, sorry.- That is a mainstream. - Core.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08No, the answer is...
0:25:10 > 0:25:14This week, UK Sport made a series of cuts to their Olympic budget.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Some people submitted cheaper alternative sports,
0:25:16 > 0:25:18including the sport of rolling tyres down a ski jump.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Shall we have a clip to see what it looks like?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22I think we should have a look if it's there.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42That was brilliant!
0:25:42 > 0:25:45APPLAUSE
0:25:45 > 0:25:49The object is to see who can get the tyre to jump the furthest.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52One man once got 45 metres, and that must have been a Goodyear.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55GROANS
0:25:55 > 0:25:57And, lastly.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Invade Gibraltar.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07They will. You just can't trust 'em.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- They're threatening to come to Britain.- Robert, you're quite right.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Experts have warned that
0:26:14 > 0:26:17an amorous Spanish slug is currently invading Britain,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20mating with native species and creating super-slugs
0:26:20 > 0:26:24which are threatening to ruin gardens and crops this summer.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26One scientist claimed it was
0:26:26 > 0:26:28the biggest threat to British slugs since...
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Although the Durham slug is actually just a northern snail
0:26:36 > 0:26:38that refuses to wear a shell, even in winter.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:47So, the final scores are
0:26:47 > 0:26:48Ian and Jon have seven,
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Paul and Robert have nine.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51APPLAUSE
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Well done, mate, well done.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02On which note we say thank you to our panellists,
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Ian Hislop and Jon Richardson, Paul Merton and Robert Peston,
0:27:05 > 0:27:10and I leave you with news that with the election campaign meaning an early start every morning,
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Jacob Rees-Mogg gets a new alarm clock.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20In Val d'Isere, one skier makes sure he has safely
0:27:20 > 0:27:24tucked his Samsung Galaxy Note 7 into his back pocket.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31And in a Washington recording studio,
0:27:31 > 0:27:34the first take is laid down for the powerful rock ballad
0:27:34 > 0:27:36It's Gonna Be So Great.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Goodnight.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47APPLAUSE