0:00:04 > 0:00:10This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:31 > 0:00:36WHISTLES
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43I'm David Tennant.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45In the news this week, in Westminster,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47the Government denies that its pledge to build
0:00:47 > 0:00:52300,000 new homes is slightly behind schedule.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01In Lapland, a group of disappointed children find out why
0:01:01 > 0:01:05they've all been given three-volume biographies of Karl Marx.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:17And on her first day working at a Christmas-tree farm in Scotland,
0:01:17 > 0:01:21there was evidence one intern still has a lot to learn.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29On Ian's team tonight is a comedian who recently
0:01:29 > 0:01:34made a film about his quest to find the UK's largest Scotch egg.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Not quite up there with The Last Jedi but a noble effort.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Please welcome Joe Wilkinson!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:43 > 0:01:47And with Paul tonight is Labour's Shadow Education Secretary,
0:01:47 > 0:01:49who admits that she's done pretty well for a ginger kid
0:01:49 > 0:01:52with no qualifications who grew up on an estate.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54Yeah, almost as well as Prince Harry.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Please welcome Angela Rayner MP!
0:01:56 > 0:02:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:01 > 0:02:03We start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Ian and Joe, take a look at this.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Ah, that was the Prime Minister at time of going out.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13That's David Davis, trying to negotiate a step.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Right, and this is subtle negotiations.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Oh, yes, she's amused too.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22That's one of the rebels, this is Brexit again.Yes.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25There was a rebellion, and Mrs May lost,
0:02:25 > 0:02:28and David Davis made some admissions.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30The one I liked was that,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33"You don't have to be clever to do this job."
0:02:33 > 0:02:35We've noticed!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37He is thick, isn't it?
0:02:37 > 0:02:42He is, isn't he?
0:02:43 > 0:02:46APPLAUSE
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Well, he's not my first choice.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49There you go.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53Then, nor was Jeremy, was he?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56APPLAUSE
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Just saying, just saying!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Wasn't there scrapping as well?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Didn't the Cabinet start fighting each other
0:03:03 > 0:03:07this week, apparently? Oh, do tell!
0:03:07 > 0:03:10Apparently, there was quite the fight on,
0:03:10 > 0:03:13and Theresa May had to split up some of her Cabinet colleagues.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16What, literally physically weigh in and go, "Leave it art!"
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Was that Theresa May?! Is she here?!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I heard her voice, is she here?!
0:03:23 > 0:03:25That's her real voice -
0:03:25 > 0:03:27she just puts on that vicar's daughter thing.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30What were the Tory rebels after?
0:03:30 > 0:03:34They were after Parliament having a final vote on Brexit.Yes.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37On the idea that the referendum was taking back control,
0:03:37 > 0:03:41so Parliament was meant to make the laws.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Even for Brexit, this is dull, isn't it?
0:03:45 > 0:03:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:52 > 0:03:56It's about taking back control, and previously we'd taken back
0:03:56 > 0:04:01control of our country and given it to ten people in Northern Ireland.
0:04:01 > 0:04:07We are now giving it back to Parliament, to you.Yes!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10What happened? Was it thrilling? Well, it felt brilliant.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13I've been there two and a half years, and it's the first time
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I'd seen them looking absolutely miserable,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17so it felt fantastic! If I'm honest!
0:04:17 > 0:04:22I like democracy. Is it good when you're winning?
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I know it's new but...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:27 > 0:04:31The amendment itself is relatively nonpartisan,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34but how did the Daily Mail describe the 11 Tory rebels?
0:04:34 > 0:04:38The headline said, "Proud of yourself?"It did.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39As though they were the headmaster
0:04:39 > 0:04:42and they'd just found some children smoking.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46This was the front page you were referring to.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50That's the worst team West Ham have ever put out.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54What did Tory MP Nadine Dorries think of the rebels in her party?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57Well, she got quite nasty, didn't she?
0:04:57 > 0:04:58They were very vicious.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01She was calling for deselections, apparently.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03She was, she was furious.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07Trying to deselect people? She'll join Momentum next!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09She tweeted...
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Which is interesting, because Nadine herself
0:05:16 > 0:05:20has rebelled against her party 47 times.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Didn't Nadine go in the forest as well?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25She went in I'm A Celebrity, didn't she?She did, didn't she?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Is it a forest? I thought it was a jungle!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Jungle, yeah!
0:05:29 > 0:05:33If you're a B list celebrity, you go into the forest.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35If you're an A list, it's the jungle.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38If you're C list, it's a thicket.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Angela, do you think there'll come a time
0:05:41 > 0:05:46when Jeremy Corbyn will say anything about what he thinks about Brexit?
0:05:46 > 0:05:50LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Jeremy has been absolutely clear of our Brexit position.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Has he, though?! Yeah.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00What is it, then? Spell it out for us!
0:06:00 > 0:06:03We want a strong economy with good jobs,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05that's what everybody wants from Brexit.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08No, that's an aspiration, that's not a policy.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09Well, you know...
0:06:09 > 0:06:12We want to be closely aligned to the single market
0:06:12 > 0:06:15and the customs union. Do you want to be in them?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17We've not said we wanted to be in them, necessarily.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20I know what you've NOT said!
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I think we've been absolutely clear. Do you?!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Absolutely clear, in fact...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28in fact, we've been that clear that Theresa May
0:06:28 > 0:06:30is now actually doing what Keir said all along.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I love it when people say, "I'm being absolutely clear,"
0:06:32 > 0:06:35because you know what's coming.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Why do some commentators think that Theresa May will survive this?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Cos nobody else wants the job, it's too miserable,
0:06:42 > 0:06:47and she has got incredible skill and just taking the blows.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52She's one of those people, oh, they smash her head in,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55cut her arms off, she goes, "Yes, I'm getting on with the job,
0:06:55 > 0:06:58I'm walking along here!"
0:06:58 > 0:07:02It doesn't matter, you blow up, piano falls on her head.
0:07:02 > 0:07:07I mean, it's a skill!
0:07:07 > 0:07:08APPLAUSE
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Ian, it's what women do - we just get on with it.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15AUDIENCE MEMBER: Whoo!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17APPLAUSE
0:07:17 > 0:07:2551% clap... Was that your last medical?
0:07:25 > 0:07:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:07:29 > 0:07:36Could I swap teams?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42According to the Times...
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Talking of polls, Theresa May did top one this week -
0:07:55 > 0:07:56anyone know what that was?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Person least likely to be Prime Minister?
0:07:59 > 0:08:03It was the best modern Christmas cracker joke.Fantastic!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05You want to hear the joke? Yeah, absolutely!Yeah?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08She didn't write it, by the way. No.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It was written by a bloke called Samuel Williams, and it's this.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20No, no...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23But what's a nativity manager? That's not a job, is it?
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Well, exactly.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27That is where the joke falls down just a bit.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31I think what Samuel has done is he started with stable government
0:08:31 > 0:08:32and tried desperately to make it work
0:08:32 > 0:08:35and then fucked it up which...
0:08:35 > 0:08:38which I think we've seen before somewhere.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Did you see what Theresa May took a fancy
0:08:47 > 0:08:48to in Maidenhead this week? No...
0:08:48 > 0:08:52It was a sparkly shoe on a Christmas tree, look at this.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Oh, yes.There she is.
0:08:55 > 0:09:00Grabbing it!
0:09:00 > 0:09:01While she was browsing, she got stared out
0:09:01 > 0:09:05by an artificial reindeer.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Maybe she'd like one of these.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Jerry Christmas!
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I got a Jeremy Corbyn annual.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20You got out a cut-out Jeremy mask
0:09:20 > 0:09:22and a fact finder of Diane Abbott and Theresa May
0:09:22 > 0:09:25and things like that, very interesting!
0:09:25 > 0:09:31A Diane Abbott fact finder?!
0:09:33 > 0:09:36How many days are there in Christmas, is it the 12?
0:09:36 > 0:09:41Or was it 80 billion?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44No, Jerry Christmas to all.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49Jerry Christmas, a magical bearded old man
0:09:49 > 0:09:53who all the children believe in.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Who makes your dreams come true!
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Nice!
0:10:02 > 0:10:06Anyway, this is Theresa May's Commons defeat
0:10:06 > 0:10:08over the European Withdrawal Bill.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10David Davis has compared the Cabinet negotiations
0:10:10 > 0:10:12over Brexit to...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15And thanks to Damian Green,
0:10:15 > 0:10:19they're now wondering to make a porn sacrifice.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24According to the Sun, Boris Johnson claimed...
0:10:27 > 0:10:34At which point, his wife shrieked with delight and called her lawyer.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Asked what the requirements of his job
0:10:36 > 0:10:39in negotiating Brussels are, David Davis said...
0:10:43 > 0:10:50So why not replace him with a scented candle?
0:10:50 > 0:10:54Paul and Angela, take a look at this.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57A man looking through a telescope and then trusting his own eye...
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Ah, yes, this is the object that is coming
0:10:59 > 0:11:02into our solar system, it looks like that.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I don't know what those people are.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08It's this thing, it's about 400 metres long and 40 metres wide,
0:11:08 > 0:11:10and it's come from outside of our solar system.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13We're looking at it to see if it's sending any radio signals.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Mm-hmm.They've got a machine that can pick up a signal
0:11:16 > 0:11:19that's as little as a mobile phone signal.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Seeing as people often can't get signals
0:11:20 > 0:11:22on their mobile phone, how they're going to
0:11:22 > 0:11:24pick one up from that I don't know.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26But yeah, they're potentially very excited about it.Hmm.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Stephen Hawking said it could be the real thing.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Could have aliens in it. It could!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I hope there are aliens, because it would be nice
0:11:33 > 0:11:35to make a few new friends, wouldn't it?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Yeah, especially around Christmas time.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Yeah - we need one more for badminton next week.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43It is, exciting news, the first-ever object to reach us
0:11:43 > 0:11:45from outside our solar system might just be an alien spaceship.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Yes, wouldn't it be great?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Apparently, Number Ten said it said, "Take me to your leader,"
0:11:51 > 0:11:54so it went to Belfast.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57APPLAUSE
0:11:57 > 0:12:01It's a good job we've got you here, is there anything in your travels?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Does it look familiar to you in any sense or shape or form?
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Seen anything like that before that you can remember?
0:12:07 > 0:12:12It looks like a giant space jobbie.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14The TURDIS.
0:12:14 > 0:12:19No, no...
0:12:19 > 0:12:24Doctor Poo?
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Close Encounters Of The Turd Kind.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I really want to think of one!
0:12:33 > 0:12:38I'm holding them all in! That's not...
0:12:38 > 0:12:42That's not healthy.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46But it is the wrong shape to be an astronoid...
0:12:46 > 0:12:50An astronoid? Yes! It is the wrong shape...
0:12:50 > 0:12:55How did you get through that script?!
0:12:55 > 0:13:02"It's an astronoid, Doctor - sonic!"
0:13:03 > 0:13:07It's also the wrong shape to be an asteroid,
0:13:07 > 0:13:10and researchers have pointed out...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Any other tells that it's a spaceship?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Any other tell-tale signs?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26It's in space?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:13:28 > 0:13:31The very thing they're looking for!
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Yes. Got to be clever to do her job!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38It may also be made of metal.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I mean, it might also be made of cheese!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44And it's very clean.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46House-proud aliens.
0:13:46 > 0:13:51Has someone gone up to it and gone...?
0:13:51 > 0:13:56It was named in Hawaii, its official name is A/2017 U1.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Do you know what sexier name the scientists have given it?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Pretty much anything.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05It begins with an O and there's a couple of Ms in it,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07but I don't know how it's pronounced.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Oh, really?Yes.
0:14:08 > 0:14:14Actually, I'll take it back.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16'Oumuamua, which loosely means...
0:14:20 > 0:14:27Second choice of name was apparently Rees-Mogg.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32Apparently, 'Oumuamua...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40But Harvard astrophysicist Avi Loeb,
0:14:40 > 0:14:43cheerfully yet scarily, explains that away.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46He said 'Oumuamua might just be coasting...
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Yes!
0:14:59 > 0:15:04Did he get his degree online? LAUGHTER.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09What is Donald Trump planning to do in space soon?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12He said he is going to send men back to the moon
0:15:12 > 0:15:15and then from there, jump on to Mars, that is the next
0:15:15 > 0:15:17big thing to do, to go from the moon to Mars.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19He did.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22He announced this week he wants to send astronauts back to the moon
0:15:22 > 0:15:23for the first time since 1972.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26He said the goal of the new mission to the moon would include long-term
0:15:26 > 0:15:28exploration and use of its surface.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31He is going to open a golf course, isn't he?
0:15:31 > 0:15:34He does of course have a notoriously short attention span, Donald Trump,
0:15:34 > 0:15:37how did they keep him interested as he signed the directive to send
0:15:37 > 0:15:39astronauts back to the moon?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Bag of Lego?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Surprisingly close.
0:15:44 > 0:15:52They gave him a toy astronaut to play with.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53Look at this.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58LAUGHTER.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Look at his little face!
0:15:59 > 0:16:06Look at it.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09You can see him going, to insanity and beyond.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11That fellow is telling him not to eat it.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Don't put it in your mouth!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Keep it out of your mouth!
0:16:14 > 0:16:22Dirty boy!
0:16:22 > 0:16:25This is the strange object that recently entered our solar system
0:16:25 > 0:16:27that some people think could be an alien spacecraft.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30According to the Times, as the craft swings by the Earth,
0:16:30 > 0:16:32it is travelling at 55 miles per second.
0:16:32 > 0:16:41The only thing that can stop that is a light dusting of snow.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44The object is called Oumuamua and comes from the old Hawaiian
0:16:44 > 0:16:45phrase for two actors meeting at the Ivy.
0:16:45 > 0:16:55MAKES KISSING NOISES.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58This week, Donald Trump has announced plans to go to the moon.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Leading half a million angry Clangers to sign a petition...
0:17:01 > 0:17:04And the Republicans lost their seat in the Senate this week
0:17:04 > 0:17:06when the voters of Alabama rejected Roy Moore, a right wing, homophobic,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08evangelical child molester.
0:17:08 > 0:17:14He is so vile, even Putin didn't want to help.
0:17:14 > 0:17:19In America, on CNN, they say alleged child molester, but you go for it!
0:17:19 > 0:17:25Come and get me, Roy!
0:17:25 > 0:17:25I wouldn't say that!
0:17:25 > 0:17:34APPLAUSE.
0:17:34 > 0:17:42On round two, the Pictures Spin Round, fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44BUZZER.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I think this is about man flu.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Yes.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48What has been discovered this week?
0:17:48 > 0:17:49It doesn't exist.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52AUDIENCE: AWWWWW!
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Really?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57It does exist and men do suffer it worse.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Do we?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Yes.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Absolutely, yes.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Is the man attempting to impersonate Mother Teresa?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I'm not saying it is one of her best looks...
0:18:09 > 0:18:12This is the news that the phenomenon known as man flu has
0:18:12 > 0:18:15been proven by science, or at least by one male scientist,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Doctor Kyle Su from the memorial University in Newfoundland says that
0:18:17 > 0:18:22man flu can be traced back to our caveman days when...
0:18:34 > 0:18:41A thank you would not hurt.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43How does Doctor Su suggest we should respond to these findings?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Greater understanding.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Exactly.
0:18:55 > 0:19:05He's a doctor, it must be true!
0:19:07 > 0:19:10A lot of women would say the world is an male friendly space.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11But...
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Why should we take Doctor Su's study with a little pinch of salt?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Is he not a proper doctor?
0:19:17 > 0:19:20He is a proper doctor and this is a genuine piece of research.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22But it turns out that the British Medical Journal likes
0:19:22 > 0:19:26to have a little bit of fun in December.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Oh, do they?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29And although the article is based on real findings,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31the arguments were perhaps a little tongue in cheek.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34With that in mind, who is responsible for destroying the NHS?
0:19:34 > 0:19:38LAUGHTER.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Jeremy Hunt?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42No, that is a fact.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45According to Dr Catherine Bell, a GP, it is the scourge
0:19:45 > 0:19:49of the public services, Peppa Pig.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Oh yes!
0:19:50 > 0:19:51I saw this.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53What has Peppa been doing wrong?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Well, the doctor in Peppa Pig is really nice and gives you 25
0:19:56 > 0:19:58minutes and organises tests and doesn't say, I'm short
0:19:58 > 0:20:03of time and people have got unrealistic expectations.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06So they go along expecting there to be a pig,
0:20:06 > 0:20:10literally, as the doctor.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Dr Bell has published an article arguing that...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Yeah, but I have seen an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine,
0:20:24 > 0:20:27where Thomas has got a nasty rash and he doesn't go to the doctor
0:20:27 > 0:20:28and his crankshaft fell off.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30So..., who are you going to believe?
0:20:30 > 0:20:38I'm just saying.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40My three-year-old watched Peppa Pig and was constantly
0:20:40 > 0:20:43ringing the doctors asking for an appointment.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45You know, what is the name, do you remember the name
0:20:45 > 0:20:47of the doctor in Peppa Pig?
0:20:47 > 0:20:53I don't remember.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Is it Doctor Locum?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Doctor Brown Bear.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Is that a bear?
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Well no, no...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01It is a drawing.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Anyone who uses a cucumber as a phone should not be trusted.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09Dr Bell takes issue with Doctor Brown Bear's...
0:21:10 > 0:21:15LAUGHTER.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18In Pedro's Cough...
0:21:20 > 0:21:22What does Doctor Brown Bear do?
0:21:22 > 0:21:24He says, you're just a little hoarse!
0:21:24 > 0:21:26APPLAUSE.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Thank you.
0:21:28 > 0:21:33Thank you very much.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Doctor Brown Bear makes an urgent visit to the playgroup in a green
0:21:36 > 0:21:37light car, with sirens.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39What was Doctor Brown Bear's response to these allegations?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41GROWLS LIKE A BEAR.
0:21:41 > 0:21:50APPLAUSE.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Unfortunately, according to the BMJ...
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Criticising the role of Doctor Brown Bear in Peppa Pig,
0:22:03 > 0:22:04the author of the report says...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Who gives a shit, it just shuts the kids up for five minutes!
0:22:08 > 0:22:17Time now for the Odd One Out round.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Your four are, Lembit Opik, the cast of Cats the musical,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24the Vienna Chamber Orchestra and Pharaoh Psamtik III.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25She is balancing quite nicely.
0:22:25 > 0:22:32LAUGHTER.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35That takes some doing.
0:22:35 > 0:22:45I am thinking Cats, because I know that Lembit got bit
0:22:47 > 0:22:49on the penis by a sausage dog, didn't he?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Yes.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Did he really?
0:22:52 > 0:22:53Oh, yeah.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55You know a lot of interesting stuff.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Yeah.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58You Google the right stuff, you'll find it.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00So, that is all I have got.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Well, everything is about cats except Lembit, that is about dogs.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Try it the other way around.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Everything, as I said, is about dogs except one
0:23:06 > 0:23:09of them is about cats.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That is right.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Which one might it be?
0:23:12 > 0:23:14It's not important.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Well Lembit, then, he is the odd one out, because he was bitten
0:23:17 > 0:23:19by a dog on his penis.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I didn't bite him, a dog did.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22No, dogs are the common theme.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24That is what I said the first time.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Cats.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Cats is the odd one out.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Cats is about cats.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32That is what we said the first time.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33No, no.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36It is about cats, but Cats isn't the odd one out.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37What is happening?
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Can we go back in time?
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Go back in time and that might give you a clue
0:23:41 > 0:23:43to which one is the odd one out?
0:23:43 > 0:23:44The Pharaoh.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45There we go!
0:23:45 > 0:23:48APPLAUSE.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51They have all been interrupted by dogs, apart from Pharaoh Psamtik
0:23:51 > 0:23:52III who was interrupted by cats.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55In what was called the Battle of Pelusium, in 525 BC,
0:23:55 > 0:23:57the Egyptian armies were marching out towards the Persians
0:23:57 > 0:24:02when the invading Army deployed their secret weapon, cats.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05The Egyptians saw cats as a sacred animal, were too scared to attack
0:24:05 > 0:24:10the enemy and ended up losing the battle.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Fantastic!
0:24:12 > 0:24:17Not a question you would normally expect on a topical news quiz!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I suppose we have only just translated
0:24:19 > 0:24:21the hieroglyphics, have we?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23How did a dog upstage the Vienna Chamber Orchestra
0:24:23 > 0:24:24in a recent performance?
0:24:24 > 0:24:26It conducted the entire works of Johann Strauss.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27No, Bach, surely!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29APPLAUSE.
0:24:29 > 0:24:36It has got to be Bach.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38A little more pedestrian, let's have a look.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42CLASSICAL MUSIC.
0:24:42 > 0:24:50LAUGHTER.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53APPLAUSE.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Lovely.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58Labradors are known attention seekers, have a look at what one did
0:24:58 > 0:25:01to try and get on the news in Texas earlier this year.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02As far as the rest of the area...
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Oh my God!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Look at that dog!
0:25:05 > 0:25:15LAUGHTER.
0:25:16 > 0:25:22That is so great.
0:25:22 > 0:25:29Surely that is the same dog on his way to Vienna!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31He actually looks annoyed that they are filming him!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33According to The Mail, a Broadway performance of Cats
0:25:33 > 0:25:36was halted when an overexcited dog in the audience broke free
0:25:36 > 0:25:40from his owner and...
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Tragically, the dog was quickly brought under control
0:25:45 > 0:25:50and the performance could continue.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Witnesses described the dog as looking like a cross
0:25:52 > 0:25:55between a Shih Tzu and a pug, before realising that was
0:25:55 > 0:25:56that was Andrew Lloyd Webber.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57LAUGHTER.
0:25:57 > 0:26:04Time now for the Missing Words round.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08We start with...
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Cooked his own dinner.
0:26:09 > 0:26:19LAUGHTER.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22This is the news that a YouTube prankster,
0:26:22 > 0:26:23who cemented his head into a microwave has
0:26:23 > 0:26:24sadly been rescued.
0:26:24 > 0:26:33Next...
0:26:33 > 0:26:35They nail it to your front door.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38If they say, oh, that is lovely, you shouldn't have?
0:26:38 > 0:26:41If they throw you down a well.
0:26:41 > 0:26:50Ian, you are nearly right...
0:26:56 > 0:26:57Next...
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Her reflection?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04A prune?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06You are a gran, aren't you?
0:27:06 > 0:27:07I am.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08A new gran.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You don't look like a prune!
0:27:10 > 0:27:11No.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12That's because I am not your ordinary gran.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14I don't think any gran is ordinary.
0:27:14 > 0:27:23Hoping for a nice Christmas present this year?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Sepp Blatter.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28You're getting close?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33The new statue of the legendary footballer was unveiled this week,
0:27:33 > 0:27:35but not everyone was impressed with the likeness.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36Let's have a look.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40LAUGHTER.
0:27:40 > 0:27:43And with that, the final scores are, Paul and Angela have four,
0:27:43 > 0:27:45but the winners are Ian and Joe with five.
0:27:45 > 0:27:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51Well done.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53Before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55The Lords resist reform.
0:27:55 > 0:28:02APPLAUSE.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05And I leave you with news that in Northumberland, evidence emerges,
0:28:05 > 0:28:08fame and fortune have not been kind to Billy Elliot.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10At the World Swimming Championships in Helsinki, there is another
0:28:10 > 0:28:12sporting drug scandal as one competitor tests
0:28:12 > 0:28:14positive for helium.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16And at a secret laboratory in Westminster, the smile
0:28:16 > 0:28:17lessons continue.
0:28:17 > 0:28:27Good night.