0:00:30 > 0:00:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I'm Jo Brand. In the news this week,
0:00:43 > 0:00:47checking out the venue before a rally for Scottish independence,
0:00:47 > 0:00:51the SNP's head of health and safety arrives with his lunch.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01At his country home in Chester, Liam Gallagher hears
0:01:01 > 0:01:04there may be some paparazzi lurking in the bushes.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10And, in Sidcup,
0:01:10 > 0:01:15maverick WI treasurer Betty Wilson flouts her six-month ban
0:01:15 > 0:01:17to attend a coffee morning.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29On Ian's team tonight is a writer and Daily Mail journalist
0:01:29 > 0:01:32whose latest book is called Patronising Bastards,
0:01:32 > 0:01:37and I'm sure it's a very, very good book for a journalist.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Please welcome Quentin Letts.
0:01:39 > 0:01:40APPLAUSE
0:01:44 > 0:01:48And with Paul tonight, a comedian and broadcaster
0:01:48 > 0:01:50who has five children under the age of eight.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53He desperately wanted to be here last week,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56partly to discuss the Chinese leadership story,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58but mainly because it was half term.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Please welcome Miles Jupp.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01APPLAUSE
0:02:05 > 0:02:08And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Ian and Quentin, take a look at this.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- There's the House of Commons. - Sexminster.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15No, THAT'S the House of Commons!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18That's Rocket Man, having a feel.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22And he's off. The former Defence Secretary.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24It's pathetic, this isn't a sex scandal, Ian, is it?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I mean, there doesn't seem to be any sex at the moment.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28- No...- But, I mean, you know,
0:02:28 > 0:02:32- Berlusconi, in bunga bunga land. - Yes.- That's a sex scandal.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Could you not take your hands...
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I think that's mostly the nature of it, yes.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41It's a grope scandal.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42This is Jane Austen.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Grope And Gropeability.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I missed that book.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Boris is not involved.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51No, he wasn't on the list,
0:02:51 > 0:02:54which you haven't seen - and nor have I.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59How do you know he wasn't on the list if you haven't seen it?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Damn you, Merton!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03No further questions, m'lud.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06You have to feel sorry for Michael Fallon.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09When the news broke last night, the female BBC journalist
0:03:09 > 0:03:11kept describing him as a safe pair of hands.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Unfortunate phrasing in the circumstances.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Do you know why he's gone?
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Cos it can't just be that one story about Julia Hartley-Brewer,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24because she said, "I don't care."
0:03:24 > 0:03:25He's brave.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Hartley-Brewer - big, strong girl.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- She's not a girl.- She's got reach, as they say in boxing.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33She's a woman, Quentin, she's not a girl.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35APPLAUSE Um... She...
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Can I just say, I don't feel sorry for Michael Fallon at all.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I keep wanting to call him "Michael Phallus," actually.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Where are the Lib Dems, that's what I want to know, in this sex scandal?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Normally they are way in the front, in any sex scandal,
0:03:51 > 0:03:52and they've been left trailing.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Well, there's not enough of them any more.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58They can't even round up a decent gang of sex offenders.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02A threesome would be a push, wouldn't it?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04It would be a push.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09Has anyone here ever touched a knee?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11I'm touching two now.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Not your own, Miles.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15He didn't say it was his own.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Well, the Times published a redacted version of the list.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27A damning indictment of MPs' behaviour, or, if you prefer,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29a fun-packed Missing Words round.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I mean, here's one, for example.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Clothing, presumably.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Perfume.- Women's suffrage banners.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Yes, well...
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Lloyd George again.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52OK, try the next one.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Own sweets.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01That's just sensible.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03It's "personal trainer".
0:05:03 > 0:05:08- There we go.- Some of this is not high-level crime, is it?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- No. No, no, no. - Not compared to Putin or Trump.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12But if I can I just say,
0:05:12 > 0:05:16as the only representative of the female gender here today,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18I know it's not high-level,
0:05:18 > 0:05:23but it doesn't have to be high-level for women to feel under siege
0:05:23 > 0:05:27in somewhere like the House of Commons, and actually, for women,
0:05:27 > 0:05:32if you're constantly being harassed, even in a small way, that builds up,
0:05:32 > 0:05:34and that wears you down.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Sorry, I thought I was on Question Time there for a minute.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47As you point out, with four blokes sitting around you,
0:05:47 > 0:05:51we're hardly in a position to say, "That's rubbish."
0:05:51 > 0:05:54There is a wide range of behaviour on offer.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55One MP is described as...
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- What, can he drive? - Well, I don't know.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I thought maybe it meant he'd hold your chips
0:06:03 > 0:06:06while you throw up out the window, I don't know.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09That's what I'm looking for in a man, you know.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12What a showbiz life you lead, Jo.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I tell you, Paul, you should come out with me for the night,
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- it's marvellous.- I should, yeah. I should.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19What did the list have to say about Amber Rudd?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Oh, she'd had an affair, a post-marital affair,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24with another MP,
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and he wasn't married either.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29So what? You know, she's having a love life, good for her.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- Fair enough.- Yes, but they're very puritan,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34this particular bunch of researchers,
0:06:34 > 0:06:36and that was put on the list.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38"Enjoying life"!
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Now, Labour are obviously trying to keep their heads down
0:06:46 > 0:06:50while the Tories self-destruct again, but why can't they this time?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- They've had a rather serious rape allegation.- Very serious.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Which is way above the level of comedy.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57And there's also one of their chaps
0:06:57 > 0:06:59who's accused of being very good on a discotheque floor.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Is that a euphemism?
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- No, that is the actual offence. - He has rhythm?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Moves rhythmically to music.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Well, he's got to go.- Yeah.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11That's absolutely perverted.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Now, what's John McDonald's record with women like?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- He's into lynching.- That's right.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22He's really politically correct about it, though, because in 2014,
0:07:22 > 0:07:24when he wanted to encourage someone
0:07:24 > 0:07:27to murder Tory Minister Esther McVey,
0:07:27 > 0:07:31he was very careful to use non-sexist language when he said...
0:07:34 > 0:07:39- Not too good, then.- Who made a rubbish joke on Radio 4 last week?
0:07:39 > 0:07:40Guilty!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Michael Gove, on the Today programme.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52That's right, with the help of Neil Kinnock, I do believe,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55when they compared John Humphrys to Harvey Weinstein.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Interesting that the audience of metropolitan lefty liberals
0:07:59 > 0:08:03who were there to celebrate 60 years of the Today programme
0:08:03 > 0:08:06and John Humphrys seemed to find it hilarious.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Now, Quentin, didn't you upset Polly Toynbee of the Guardian on the radio
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- last week?- Yes, I did, I did.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14She accused me of being Harvey Weinstein, in her column,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- the next day.- Why did she accuse you of being Harvey Weinstein?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Because I was having a ding-dong with her...
0:08:19 > 0:08:20An argument!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24..on the radio...
0:08:24 > 0:08:25A consensual argument?
0:08:25 > 0:08:30I thought she was being a bit of a miserable old battle-axe, so I said,
0:08:30 > 0:08:35"Come on, Polly, I want to pin you down and tickle your tummy,
0:08:35 > 0:08:36"sometimes, cheer you up."
0:08:36 > 0:08:39You said, "Tickle you under the armpits and make you smile,
0:08:39 > 0:08:43- "my dear."- Yeah. Well, why not? She could do with it.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Cheering up.- I think the pinning her down bit's not great.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Well, how else do you tickle someone under the armpits?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I suppose you can run up behind them.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58This is the sex scandal engulfing Westminster.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00According to the redacted dossier, a...
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Why are these jobs never advertised?!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14According to the Daily Mail,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Speaker John Bercow once recommended the chat-up line,
0:09:17 > 0:09:19"If you're free later,
0:09:19 > 0:09:23"maybe we could go back to your place and name your breasts."
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Not a great line, but it did get three series on ITV 2.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Did you watch it, Morecambe and Wise?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Much better than Little and Large, if you think about it.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Paul and Miles, take a look at this.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Yes, the appropriately named White House.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Not sure what they're doing. - Very discreet policeman.
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Crouching for democracy.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51This is Paul Manafort,
0:09:51 > 0:09:53who's given himself in to the FBI earlier this week,
0:09:53 > 0:09:56and, "North Korea's that way, Mr President."
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Yes, President Trump apparently is seething,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01according to insiders in the White House,
0:10:01 > 0:10:03he's glued to this Russian coverage,
0:10:03 > 0:10:06it's taking up every minute of his waking day.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08That's not very long, is it?
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Well...- The bit between the telly and the tweeting.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15George Papadopoulos is the guy that's admitted lying to the FBI.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17If you're found guilty of lying to the FBI,
0:10:17 > 0:10:18it's a five-year prison sentence,
0:10:18 > 0:10:21but because he's cooperating, that'll be reduced to six months,
0:10:21 > 0:10:24so there's a lot of worried people at the moment.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Absolutely. Two key aides of Trump, you mention Paul Manafort,
0:10:28 > 0:10:31and a business associate, also, Rick Gates,
0:10:31 > 0:10:33face charges of money-laundering,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36tax evasion and conspiracy to defraud the US government.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39And former policy adviser George Papadopoulos...
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Who has the greatest forehead in the history of the world, look at that.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- It's amazing, isn't it? - It's incredibly shiny and flat.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47And orange.
0:10:47 > 0:10:51Same colour as the bus behind him that's going to Putney Bridge.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Experts believe this picture was taken in London.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57It's basically about the Russians trying to influence
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- the American election. - And succeeding.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01- Yeah.- It's a success story.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Yeah.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Why aren't we getting behind it? What's wrong with us?
0:11:08 > 0:11:12Manafort's connections with Russian and Ukrainian oligarchs are clear,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16but does Trump have any connections to these people?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18He owes them millions of dollars.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20He's in serious debt to the Russians.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Can you back me up on this, Ian?
0:11:22 > 0:11:27Yeah, no. Whatever you say, Miles, I reckon, is true, and worse.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Here's Manafort convincingly explaining to us that actually,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Trump doesn't have any connections to these people,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37during the 2016 election.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41So to be clear, Mr Trump has no financial relationships
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- with any Russian oligarchs? - That's what he said.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48That's obviously what our position is.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I believe him, he's got a trustworthy face.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59Now, of course, the news agencies
0:11:59 > 0:12:02were very excited by Manafort's arrest,
0:12:02 > 0:12:06with nearly all of them focusing heavily on the breaking story.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07CNN was right on the money.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Here we are.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12NBC also had its finger on the pulse.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Someone pointed out, Fox News found something else to report on.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23What is the emoji cheeseburger crisis?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Does anybody know? What's wrong with the burger on the right?
0:12:26 > 0:12:31It's got the cheese slice underneath the burger.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33That is almost as disgusting as dancing.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Would you put the lettuce underneath the burger on the left?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39All of these people are absolutely deranged.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44It's like it's been thrown together with no thought at all.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47What emotion does it convey, this symbol?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Happiness, for me.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Who other than George Papadopoulos is particularly suffering because of
0:12:55 > 0:12:57George Papadopoulos's arrest?
0:12:57 > 0:12:58George Papadopoulos.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Indeed. That's right. But not that one, another one.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02Another one?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04This one's a financial planner,
0:13:04 > 0:13:08who was deluged with tweets as the story broke. He tweeted...
0:13:16 > 0:13:18To which Michael Bolton replied...
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Other people to offer support were a Bruce Lee,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32a James Taylor and a Jim Morrison, so...
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Now, Trump is known as a genius when it comes to business and also...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38- By whom?- ..and also branding.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- By himself.- Mr Putin.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Well, he's quite a successful businessman.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45No, he isn't. You must never give him that credit.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48All right. He's a shit businessman.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I said the right thing!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55He inherited money from his father,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57and the New York Times calculated if he'd put it in a bank
0:13:57 > 0:14:00and done nothing for the next 20 years,
0:14:00 > 0:14:02he'd be richer than he is now.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05He went bankrupt, you know, he went bankrupt running a casino,
0:14:05 > 0:14:07first man in history.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10How do you do that, how do you lose money?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Now, there was more suspicion surrounding Trump this week,
0:14:13 > 0:14:17he's suspected of masquerading as somebody...
0:14:17 > 0:14:22- On Halloween?- Someone wrote a letter saying all women love Donald Trump.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26That's right. He was suspected as masquerading as his own secretary,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29a woman called Carolyn, in 1992.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Now, a letter has surfaced that Carolyn wrote to New York Magazine.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36See if you can pick up on the subtle signs
0:14:36 > 0:14:40that led people to think Donald might have written it, here we go.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09OK, this is the latest evidence of links between the White House
0:15:09 > 0:15:13and Russia. After the FBI arrested Trump campaign adviser
0:15:13 > 0:15:15George Papadopoulos,
0:15:15 > 0:15:18a White House spokesman insisted he was just a coffee boy whose only
0:15:18 > 0:15:22involvement was ordering caramel macchiato,
0:15:22 > 0:15:24leading to a panicked Trump to tweet,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26"I never met Caramel Macchiato."
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Trump's former campaign chairman Paul Manafort
0:15:31 > 0:15:34has been accused of setting up a business in London
0:15:34 > 0:15:36to launder millions of dollars.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38According to the Telegraph,
0:15:38 > 0:15:40the company operated from...
0:15:43 > 0:15:44A property in Finchley!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46My God, how much money have these people got?!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50At the White House Halloween celebrations,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52there was an awkward moment
0:15:52 > 0:15:55between Donald Trump and an inflatable dinosaur.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57"I just didn't like the look of its big scary head
0:15:57 > 0:15:59"and tiny little hands,"
0:15:59 > 0:16:00said the dinosaur.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08APPLAUSE
0:16:08 > 0:16:10And so to round two, the picture spin quiz.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Yes, this is the Great British Bake Off. That's Prue Leith.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21She was in another country and got her time zones wrong
0:16:21 > 0:16:24and she tweeted congratulations to the winner of the Great British
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Bake Off some 12 hours before we were meant to find out who it was.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28But it didn't affect the ratings.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Still people tuned in and it just shows you, people love cakes.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- And who won?- Do you not know?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36- No.- No.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Sophie.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- Are you any the wiser?- No.- No.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42What was her creation?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44What did she make that was the best baked cake ever made?
0:16:44 > 0:16:46She made something called an entremet.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Oh, yes.- Do you knows what that is?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50No, it's a ballet move, I know that much.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53It's the sort of thing you would see in a patisserie that's got lots of
0:16:53 > 0:16:56different flavoured layers of mousse.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57A feuilletine.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59A feuilletine?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Feuilletine, mm.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Feuilletine.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04- Yeah.- Do you bake, Quentin?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07I do, I do a very good flapjack.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Flapjacks are piss easy.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Listen, even I can do a flapjack.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Mine are jolly good.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22Prue broke the news thus in a tweet at 10.37am.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Prue wrote...
0:17:30 > 0:17:32What time was it where she was?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I mean, was she up in the middle of the night somewhere?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I'm just worried about her.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38We all should be, she's gone missing.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Well, the final was many, many months ago.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- Oh, was it?- Yeah. And so they have to keep it secret for quite a time.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46And it finished months ago?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48- Yeah.- Well, what are they doing?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Just sitting on it? - Waiting for them to cool.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54We bakers do that.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01Anyway, she was on holiday, got confused, she told reporters...
0:18:09 > 0:18:13Does anyone know what the worst thing Mary Berry ever did
0:18:13 > 0:18:14on the show was?
0:18:16 > 0:18:21It was about letting information slip that she shouldn't have done.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Oh, she revealed that when she's at home she blacks up.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31No.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34A sort of "black berry".
0:18:34 > 0:18:37APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Well, she let a name slip. Correcting radio host Chris Evans,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Mary listed three bakers who'd left the tent
0:18:46 > 0:18:48when viewers only knew about two.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- Hm.- Now, winner Sophie used to be in the military.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54How did she put her skills to use in the final?
0:18:54 > 0:18:55She shot someone.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00There was a drone attack on the marquee.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05She deployed some extreme multitasking
0:19:05 > 0:19:07by whipping, mixing and gelling,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09all at the same time, while bellowing...
0:19:15 > 0:19:19The MoD has since ordered 50,000 cans of squirty cream
0:19:19 > 0:19:21and a new Magimix for immediate deployment.
0:19:21 > 0:19:25Finally - and this is a slight parallel shift -
0:19:25 > 0:19:29what whoopsie did Amanda Holden make on ITV's This Morning?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Oh, she was interviewing Tim Peake, the astronaut.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33That's right, yeah.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36And she asked him whether he'd brought back any moon rock.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39From the moon. And he had to say, "I'm terribly sorry,
0:19:39 > 0:19:44"I didn't go to the moon. And nor did anyone else since 1972."
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Shall we just have a little look at it, because we've got a clip.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Absolutely.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I don't know whether you'd be allowed to answer it, really,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53cos it might be a naughty thing.
0:19:53 > 0:19:54When you went to the moon,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57did you take a piece of the moon and bring it back home with you?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59So I wasn't on the moon. I was in the Space Station.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Is that how he dresses the whole time?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07That's how he got the job.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11It is amazing Amanda Holden didn't know Tim Peake spent time
0:20:11 > 0:20:12on the Space Station,
0:20:12 > 0:20:14because he never stops bloody banging on about it.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Anyway, this is Prue Leith accidentally revealing
0:20:18 > 0:20:20the winner of Bake Off.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22According to the Times' TV reviewer,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25the final challenges were very tough.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Obviously he's better with Pi.
0:20:31 > 0:20:32GROANING
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Quite right.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Time now for the odd one out round.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Your four are Ernest Hemingway,
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Donald Trump,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Admiral of the Fleet John Arbuthnot Fisher,
0:20:47 > 0:20:49and a drunk Australian with a camera.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Something to do with fake news,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54because Trump has come out this week and said something about... Oh, no,
0:20:54 > 0:20:56the dictionary has come out this week about fake news.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- Yes.- Is this "fake news" is a word of the year,
0:20:59 > 0:21:02"selfie" was a word of the year, John Fisher's...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04He invented the term "Buggins' turn".
0:21:04 > 0:21:06- He...- He did.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Is that a sexual practice?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11No, you're right on the new words, so...
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Hemingway invented "selfie" as a word.
0:21:14 > 0:21:19- No.- No.- But there is someone who invented "selfie" as a word there.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21I used to be wearing a cravat.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- What happened to it? - It's round the back there.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Is it?- It's come undone.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27- What's happened?- My cravat's gone.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30I can see the back of it there.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Yeah, I know, but how did it get round there?
0:21:32 > 0:21:33I don't know.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- It's just...- I swear it was unconscious when I put it on.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38It's undone itself.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40It's only the second time I've ever worn one.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42I didn't know they had a mind of their own.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Oh, I can see a bit of it down there as well.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I can see it. It's down in the shirt bit, it's down in the shirt.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Oh, look, there it is, look.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- Hey.- Look like Lord Lucan coming back from a casino.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Hello, everyone.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01I'll give you a really massive clue.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- OK.- But not quite... They've all coined new words, except...
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Yeah, we said that. - Well, who's the odd one out?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Except Donald Trump. Donald Trump's the odd one out.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10Yes, he is.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14- Why?- Because he hasn't coined any new words.
0:22:14 > 0:22:19They've all coined new words except Donald Trump, who claimed he...
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Had invented a new word.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23He invented the word "fake", according to him.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- That's right.- I mean, this question is rubbish.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Yes.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I don't write the questions.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30He claimed he invented...
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I don't want to be rude,
0:22:32 > 0:22:33- I'm just saying.- Oh, be rude.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36He claimed he invented the word "fake",
0:22:36 > 0:22:40despite its first appearance in 1775.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44That's when he married his first wife.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46- So let's hear from the man himself. - Yeah.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48The media is...
0:22:48 > 0:22:53really the word, I think one of the greatest of all terms I've come up
0:22:53 > 0:22:56with is "fake". I guess other people have used it perhaps over the years,
0:22:56 > 0:22:57but I've never noticed it.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Did his barber never mention it to him?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- Or his wife?- Yes.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19So, do you know, how were horses involved in the creation of fakery?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Trojan horse. No.
0:23:22 > 0:23:23No, that's a very good guess.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28- It is, isn't it?- No, according to language website Haggard Hawks,
0:23:28 > 0:23:32"fake" might have come via the 19th century slang word "to feague",
0:23:32 > 0:23:34meaning in the equine business...
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Is that the eel or the horse that's more sprightly?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Apparently, they have to put one up Eamonn Holmes every morning
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- to make him appear more sprightly. - Well, he does have to get up early.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Yes, exactly. I'm going to try it.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Do you know him that well?
0:23:57 > 0:24:03Well... The term "selfie" was first used by a drunk Australian.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06What did we learn this week about millennials and selfies?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08They like them.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- They hate them.- They do.- They're indifferent to them.- They spend...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Over 65s actually spend the same time, but that's per picture.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24They can never work out which button takes a photo.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Anyway, what surprisingly modern term
0:24:28 > 0:24:30did Admiral of the Fleet John Fisher
0:24:30 > 0:24:33coin in a letter to Churchill, back in 1917?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I think I know this.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- OMG.- It was indeed, well done, Quentin.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Do you know what made Lord Fisher say that?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Was it an eel?
0:24:45 > 0:24:48He was actually making a pun about a new title which he had
0:24:48 > 0:24:52heard was to be created, called the Order of St Michael and St George.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55He alluded to it in his letter to Churchill like this...
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Which I think we can all agree
0:25:02 > 0:25:04is roflcopter megalolz.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Um...
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Churchill was less amused when Fisher described his wife as a milf.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Ernest Hemingway, who coined the term shit-faced,
0:25:19 > 0:25:22was famous for his bad language and obscenity,
0:25:22 > 0:25:24which explains the original title of his book,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27The Old Man And The C Word.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32Time now for the missing words round, and we start with...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Conservative minister.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Apparently, it's...
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Take it from me, everyone on these dating websites is lying,
0:25:54 > 0:25:58or my name's not Astrid Svensson, 22, Swedish gymnast.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01Next...
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Auditioned for Strictly Come Dancing.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Was a Nazi.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Taught a weekly zumba class.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Yes!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25As seen here.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27I don't know which one he is.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Next...
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Is it Michael Gove?
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- Is it the tide?- Yes, got to be.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Some very late Germans.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Finally...
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Becomes Defence Secretary.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- Urgently sought.- Yeah.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16That's a kick in the teeth for David Attenborough, isn't it?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20After all that work he puts in.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25So, the final scores are Ian and Quentin have five,
0:27:25 > 0:27:29but Paul and Miles are the winners, with six.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30Unbelievable.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Well done.
0:27:33 > 0:27:37But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I still can't find Keith, but I've left him another note.
0:27:46 > 0:27:51And I leave you with news that in the basement of Labour Party HQ,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53the BBC's Laura Kuenssberg
0:27:53 > 0:27:57recovers from the knockout drops to be met with a worrying sight.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08The morning after the Great British Bake Off Final party,
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Prue Leith recovers at the hairdresser's.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16And after a frantic week of searching,
0:28:16 > 0:28:19the Gove family at last find their pet hedgehog.
0:28:22 > 0:28:24Goodnight.