0:00:35 > 0:00:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41I'm Victoria Coren Mitchell.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43In the news this week, as Lewis Hamilton's private jet
0:00:43 > 0:00:45stops to refuel at Heathrow,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47a government tax inspector is there to greet him.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56With some members of the Cabinet having a tough week,
0:00:56 > 0:00:57the Minister for Health and Safety
0:00:57 > 0:01:00takes the opportunity to relax away from the spotlight.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11And in the Midlands, James Dyson's less successful brothers
0:01:11 > 0:01:12try to get in on the act.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21On Ian's team tonight is a comedian who's writing a book
0:01:21 > 0:01:23called Sex Power Money,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25although there may be a copyright battle
0:01:25 > 0:01:27as that's also the new title of Hansard.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Please welcome Sara Pascoe.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:37 > 0:01:39And with Paul tonight is a veteran cricket commentator
0:01:39 > 0:01:41whose live show, An Evening With Blowers,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44has been recorded on DVD and CD...
0:01:44 > 0:01:46..VHS, audio cassette,
0:01:46 > 0:01:49vinyl, wax cylinder and parchment.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Please welcome Henry Blofeld.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:56 > 0:01:58And we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Ian and Sara, take a look at this.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02That's "Priti" useless.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06- Out she comes. - That's where she was on holiday.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08- Yes, that's the Dead Sea. - That's the aeroplane.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11That's the most famous aeroplane in history.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13That's the meeting where he said,
0:02:13 > 0:02:15"I met a friend of yours last week - Priti."
0:02:15 > 0:02:19There he is. Off he goes. "Nothing to do with me."
0:02:19 > 0:02:21There were two cabinet ministers lost this week.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It may be more by the time you see this.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27So, the Cabinet could be down to just Mrs May...
0:02:28 > 0:02:30..asking herself to resign.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Looking in a mirror, going, "I don't think you can handle this.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36"I just don't believe in you!"
0:02:36 > 0:02:39It's been a terrible week for the Government.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42They lost Michael Fallon over the sexual assault allegations.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44And now, they've lost Priti Patel
0:02:44 > 0:02:47for having a holiday in Israel and not telling anyone
0:02:47 > 0:02:48what she was doing on holiday.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50She had very important meetings.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51How many meetings?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- 12.- 12 meetings.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54How long was she there for?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56She was there for 13 days.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58So, she had one day off.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59That's like Craig David!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Yes, she wasn't just having meetings with anyone,
0:03:04 > 0:03:08she met the Prime Minister of Israel and didn't mention it.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09He's a big deal over there.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Yeah, I know!
0:03:11 > 0:03:15She got called in to say, "What was all this about?"
0:03:15 > 0:03:17She apologised, she was forgiven,
0:03:17 > 0:03:22and then it transpired that she'd met EVEN MORE Israeli officials.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25So, she was called back from Africa and everybody watched the flight.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27That's the thing that's icky about it.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Obviously, she's done very underhand things,
0:03:30 > 0:03:33and perhaps even more underhand than we understand yet,
0:03:33 > 0:03:36but the thing about someone being on a plane
0:03:36 > 0:03:38not knowing how much trouble they're in...
0:03:38 > 0:03:40..like, it's FUN!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Do you think Theresa May was watching it on that little map?
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Definitely.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47"Another eight hours, and I'll sack you!"
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- Do you ever have secret meetings when you go on holiday?- Yeah.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54You must have met Middle Eastern potentates, Henry?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56You've met everyone.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Um, well, I suppose I've met one or two.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I used to go to Sharjah to watch cricket,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06and there was a chap there I thought was the Lord High Executioner
0:04:06 > 0:04:08called Abdul Rahman Bukhatir.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12And they go around, and the amazing pomp and ceremony,
0:04:12 > 0:04:13the cars and everything.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15It really makes one mildly ill.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Or mildly jealous. Actually, I've never wished to own Rolls-Royces,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- have you?- Yes.- You have?
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Well, that's fair enough.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26In my dreams, you've got one.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31I've got one? No, no. I drove to India in a Rolls-Royce, five of us,
0:04:31 > 0:04:34a 1921 Silver Ghost.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35It took us 46 days and nights.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38It was the most exciting adventure of my life.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40The only boring thing was, no-one shot at us.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43That would have made it much more exciting.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45You may be the only person in the world who has weirder holidays
0:04:45 > 0:04:47than Priti Patel!
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Yes...
0:04:50 > 0:04:53APPLAUSE
0:04:54 > 0:04:56One of the great things was,
0:04:56 > 0:04:59we were sponsored by the people who made Long John Scotch Whisky,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01who paid us in kind as well as cash.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04They're defunct now, so I'm not really advertising, but...
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Was it the cost of this trip that pushed them over the edge?
0:05:09 > 0:05:12That was the question it begged.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Probably!
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Who's replaced Priti Patel, do we know that?
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- Penny.- Penny Mordaunt is the replacement.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- What do we know about her? - She's been on Splash!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Did you watch her on Splash?
0:05:23 > 0:05:24No, I don't, no.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Would you like to have a look at it now?- No, thank you.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30I want to see it. I've heard she does a really big belly flop
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- and it really hurt her. - Well, funnily enough...
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Let's have a look.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42AUDIENCE: Oh!
0:05:42 > 0:05:43LAUGHTER
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Oh!
0:05:47 > 0:05:48LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:05:49 > 0:05:52I mean, as metaphors go...
0:05:55 > 0:05:59Is this channel freely available, or is it subscribers only?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01ITV, Ian.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02ITV!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Don't let it bother you.
0:06:06 > 0:06:12Now, Priti Patel's exit, or Prexit, has caused quite a distraction.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Why might Boris Johnson be pleased about that?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Because in the exact mirror image of this,
0:06:17 > 0:06:21there's a British citizen who's in prison in Iran.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Yeah, and he said, in the Commons,
0:06:24 > 0:06:26that she'd just been training journalists,
0:06:26 > 0:06:29which is exactly what they've accused her of,
0:06:29 > 0:06:30what she's innocent of,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32and now our Foreign Secretary has said she has,
0:06:32 > 0:06:34and then she got taken back to court
0:06:34 > 0:06:37and given another five years on her sentence.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39The one thing you're meant to feel as a British citizen
0:06:39 > 0:06:42going around the world is that if you get into trouble,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45the Foreign Office will be backing you and be on your side
0:06:45 > 0:06:46and it won't put up some idiot
0:06:46 > 0:06:50who reinforces your sentence by another five years.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54And he's had to face the woman's husband,
0:06:54 > 0:06:56which is the only shaft of humour.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Not the first irate husband Boris has presumably...faced...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02who's unbelievably cross about it,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04and, you know, as you would be.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- And I'm sure the Foreign Office are cross.- Boris Johnson said...
0:07:18 > 0:07:21And have his fellow Conservatives been quick to rally round
0:07:21 > 0:07:22- and defend him?- No, oddly!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25They've all said, "It's a disgrace."
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Well, it is a disgrace that someone can actually say this.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It just... The mind boggles.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- SARA:- Yeah.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Not only does the mind boggle, it makes one angry, really.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37And people who say, "I'm sorry if..."
0:07:37 > 0:07:40That's not sorry. "You're sorry THAT..."
0:07:40 > 0:07:43For someone who's meant to be a great linguist...
0:07:45 > 0:07:47..Boris speaks a number of languages.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54So is this the end of the Government? Priti Patel's gone,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Michael Fallon's gone, Boris might go. Damian Green might go.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Damian Green might go! Look at all that talent being lost!
0:08:02 > 0:08:04I'm pretty terrified, aren't you?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07I can't imagine what we'll do without Boris,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Priti Patel and Damian Green!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Oh, I can't sleep at night.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I mean, there's a big barrel out there.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17She can scrape the bottom of it again.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Damian Green, as far as we know, his issue is less serious.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25The allegation is he's got porn on his computer.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28According to an ex-copper with a grievance.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30I mean, take it or leave it.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Henry, we've all got porn on our computer, haven't we?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Well, I'm frightfully dull, but I never have.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36I've always thought...
0:08:36 > 0:08:40There was a time in my life when I thought it would be rather fun,
0:08:40 > 0:08:41but I never discovered how to do it.
0:08:51 > 0:08:56And without any help from my computer, perhaps I still don't.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58There's so much talk about porn on the internet.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01What kind of person has NEVER looked?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I've caught Ian Hislop's eye...
0:09:05 > 0:09:08It's enough that he stars in them.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11It's like a busman's holiday.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13There's a brilliant statistic here.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15How many times did someone in Parliament
0:09:15 > 0:09:18try to look at porn in 2013?
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- 28,000.- Five million.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Clearly higher.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27It's 354,902 times!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Although last year, that dropped to 113,000.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33But I suppose Boris Johnson was travelling more, wasn't he...
0:09:35 > 0:09:36..with the new job?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I don't think he's a watcher, he's a doer.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43AUDIENCE GROANS
0:09:43 > 0:09:45You've made everyone feel poorly!
0:09:45 > 0:09:48There's a bit of professional jealousy coming out there!
0:09:48 > 0:09:51This is the collapse of Theresa May's cabinet due to sex,
0:09:51 > 0:09:52corruption and incompetence.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Priti Patel apologised for secretly meeting
0:09:54 > 0:09:58with the Israeli Prime Minister, admitting that, initially,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00she and Benjamin "met on Yahoo".
0:10:06 > 0:10:09According to the Daily Mail, one of Priti Patel's secret meetings
0:10:09 > 0:10:11was with the Israeli security minister,
0:10:11 > 0:10:13who's already said how sorry he is
0:10:13 > 0:10:16to hear about her car accident next week.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Meanwhile, Boris Johnson has been accused
0:10:21 > 0:10:24of accidentally extending the prison sentence
0:10:24 > 0:10:25of a British citizen in Iran.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27According to the Guardian...
0:10:29 > 0:10:32There's an Iranian Boris Johnson?!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36He must have had everything chopped off by now.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Paul and Henry, take a look at this.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Yes. The beautiful Bahamas,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45where you can spend a lot of time with your money.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46- There is the money. - There is the money.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50A self-effacing rock star who pays too much tax, according to him.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52There's Lewis Hamilton.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55The Queen's counting her ingots, I think.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Yes, I can't remember which is the good one.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59It's either avoidance or evasion.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00It's a very subtle difference, isn't it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03You'll get sued if you say the wrong one.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- Ah, right.- So, go on.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12I'll mention your name as I'm passing through the legal system.
0:11:12 > 0:11:17So, yeah, it's about people who already have huge amounts of money
0:11:17 > 0:11:20who want to keep hold of their huge amounts of money by paying
0:11:20 > 0:11:24as little tax as possible by possibly evading, possibly avoiding,
0:11:24 > 0:11:29whichever one is the acceptable way of saying...stealing from us.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33It gets very odd when you're talking about millions and billions,
0:11:33 > 0:11:37in the case of Lewis Hamilton, who is extremely wealthy.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Isn't he meant to be the richest sportsman of all, now?- I suppose so.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44He doesn't have to be particularly fit to do what he does.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48He sits in the car and points it in that direction.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51He's like an Uber driver who goes a bit quicker, that's all.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Yes, it's the leak of files from a law firm showing the tax,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- let's say "avoidance"...- Avoidance! - ..practices of the rich and famous,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08referred to as the Paradise Papers.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10You mentioned Lewis Hamilton, Paul.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13What did he buy?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- A private jet.- And how much did that cost?- 16.5 million.
0:12:16 > 0:12:1916.5 million. That's not bad for a private jet.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23But how did he manage to get over three million back in VAT?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- How indeed? Do you know how? - Through a shell company.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Yes, he bought the plane
0:12:28 > 0:12:30and then lent it to himself.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- SARA:- Oh...
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- That can't be right, can it? - Well, right is the word, Henry.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36It is legal, and most of the operations
0:12:36 > 0:12:40that were revealed in this are legal, but they are an attempt
0:12:40 > 0:12:42to deprive other taxpayers of the income
0:12:42 > 0:12:45that you should be paying to the general pot.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Other famous individuals were named,
0:12:47 > 0:12:49not just Lewis Hamilton. What's Bono done?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51He bought a shopping centre?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53He bought a shopping centre in beautiful Lithuania.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57- Here it is. - Via a holding company in Malta.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- I've actually been there. - What? To that shopping centre?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Yes, I spent ages trying to shop,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03but I still couldn't find what I was looking for.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10The way that photograph is framed is unusual,
0:13:10 > 0:13:12because you can't see "The Edge", do you see?
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I should mention that Bono says
0:13:16 > 0:13:20he didn't know he'd bought the shopping centre.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23A company bought it without his knowledge.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Lord Ashcroft was dragged into the story.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- Do we know how?- Well, he's always dragged into all stories,
0:13:29 > 0:13:32due to his status as non-domiciled here for tax reasons.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35And it does look as though he's been making quite a lot of money...
0:13:37 > 0:13:41..in ways that are not, desperately searching for the word here,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45entirely appropriate for someone who's in the House of Lords.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49I'm not saying it's illegal or that he's extremely dodgy.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53That would be wrong on the evidence we have to date.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55And he still picks up his 300 nicker a day
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- for going to the House of Lords. - He did, yes.- Shall we have a look
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- at Lord Ashcroft being chased by a journalist?- Yes, please.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Oh, yes, this is very good. - Is it across open countryside?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Sadly not. Let's have a look.- No?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Hi, I'm Richard Bilton, I work for Panorama, sir.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Can I grab a quick word?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I've been trying to send you these letters, but you wouldn't take them.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Could I have a quick word?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Did you have tens of millions in an offshore trust
0:14:17 > 0:14:19that you secretly controlled?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Lord Ashcroft, why don't you just talk to me?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23It would be great to hear your view.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Where are we going to end up? This is great!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Why don't you stop and answer my questions?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28It'll take one minute, sir.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32Sir, where are we going? We have been walking for two minutes.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Why don't you just give me your views?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Sir, why don't you just give me your views? We could have been sponsored!
0:14:37 > 0:14:40We've done about a mile and a half. Where are we going?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42This is brilliant, I don't know where we're going to end up!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Sir!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I'm not going to follow you in there, sir.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49Why not?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Let me ask you this question, Mr Blofeld.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57Do you prefer a double Irish or a double Irish with a Dutch sandwich?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Ooh, I think a double Irish with a Dutch sandwich.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- And does anyone have any idea what that is?- No.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08- Yeah, it's...- Have you just ordered the biggest one?- It's a tax ploy.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11A lot of big companies registered in Ireland.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I mean, Apple was one of the worst.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17You register the brand and then you say you're leasing the brand,
0:15:17 > 0:15:20so you supposedly pay the company in Ireland
0:15:20 > 0:15:21which has a lower tax rate.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Anyway, Apple have moved, they've now moved to Jersey,
0:15:24 > 0:15:28because the Irish tax authorities became less complacent.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Then again, on Panorama,
0:15:30 > 0:15:34someone very good said Apple isn't actually a hi-tech company.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37It's a very skilled tax-avoidance company
0:15:37 > 0:15:40that has a small arm that produces phones,
0:15:40 > 0:15:42which seems to me entirely right -
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I mean, all these minor individuals, Apple, honestly! Facebook!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Look at all... They're the gross tax-avoiders.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- Vodafone.- Yeah, Vodafone, they employ almost no-one.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Google get away with a bit, don't they?- Absolutely.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59All of those do-no-evil young person's companies,
0:15:59 > 0:16:01you know, they're the worst.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02These are the Paradise Papers,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05highlighting the tax irregularities of the rich and famous.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Rock star Bono featured in the Paradise Papers
0:16:07 > 0:16:09for hiding money in offshore accounts.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11But it's incredibly hard to trace the addresses
0:16:11 > 0:16:13of U2's offshore companies,
0:16:13 > 0:16:15because where they're located,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17the streets have no name.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19AUDIENCE GROANS
0:16:19 > 0:16:21The Paradise Papers detail the private jet arrangements
0:16:21 > 0:16:23of Grand Prix driver Lewis Hamilton,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25who is described as the richest person in British sport.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Well, apart from the child who supplies urine
0:16:27 > 0:16:30for sampling tests to the British cycling team.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33LAUGHTER AND GROANS
0:16:33 > 0:16:35It's not a real child!
0:16:35 > 0:16:39And so to Round Two, the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, yes! Very pleased to see this come up.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Sheep can recognise human faces.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49They put some faces in front of sheep and they said,
0:16:49 > 0:16:51"Do you know which one's Fiona Bruce?" and the sheep went,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53"Yeah, that one there." And so...
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Yes, sheep have been trained to be rewarded with food
0:16:56 > 0:16:58if they recognise a celebrity.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Shall we have a look at a sheep spotting Barack Obama?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- Yes, please, yeah.- Here we are.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06There we are, Barack Obama.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09How did the scientists try to make it more difficult for the sheep?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11By blindfolding it.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Sometimes they put two pictures, shall we have a look at a sheep
0:17:17 > 0:17:19trying to tell the difference between Barack Obama
0:17:19 > 0:17:23- and a non-celebrity? - OK.- Let's have a look.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- SARA:- Oh, my God!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29Are they trying out a new voting system
0:17:29 > 0:17:31that we should be worried about?
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Well according to chief sheep expert Dr Jenny Morton...
0:17:41 > 0:17:44They used to be really intelligent, apparently.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45We bred them to be stupider
0:17:45 > 0:17:47because it was easy to keep them domesticated.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48They used to do quizzes?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Yeah, yeah. They used to write for the Guardian.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54"Gambling". Those herds of sheep "gambling" on the meadows,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56it was poker they were playing.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58That's a good joke, work it out later.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00SCATTERED APPLAUSE
0:18:00 > 0:18:02APPLAUSE BUILDS
0:18:02 > 0:18:05They're getting it now. A pun on the word "gambolling".
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- G-A-M-B-O-L.- Yeah, exactly.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10He just bullied you into that round of applause!
0:18:10 > 0:18:11You're a bunch of sheep!
0:18:13 > 0:18:15They recognise you anyway.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The team used four famous faces for this experiment...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24..who were chosen because the scientists wanted faces
0:18:24 > 0:18:28that we knew the sheep hadn't seen in person.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34This is the news that sheep can recognise faces.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37On the whole, the sheep stepped forward to receive a reward
0:18:37 > 0:18:38when they recognised a celebrity.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Though obviously they all ran away when they saw Alan Shearer.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43AUDIENCE GROANS
0:18:43 > 0:18:46What do you want from a night out?!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48A gambling sheep, that's the one they wanted.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Dogs, meanwhile, are colour-blind,
0:18:50 > 0:18:52unlike the viewers of Strictly.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54That was for you, Aston.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- The eviction of Aston? A travesty! - Was it a travesty?- A travesty!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Was it the sort of miscarriage that should get one very, very upset?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- I mean, it's...- But it is the judges in the end that make the decision.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- Yeah.- But they can only choose from the people in the bottom two.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10They shouldn't have been in the bottom two.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13The dance that he did wasn't particularly usefully choreographed.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Craig Revel Horwood gave it four,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17and he could hardly go back on that and say, "I want to save you,"
0:19:17 > 0:19:20because it's just on that dance, not... I mean, he's a great dancer,
0:19:20 > 0:19:24it seems like the programme has shot itself in the foot by doing this,
0:19:24 > 0:19:25you know, because over the years,
0:19:25 > 0:19:29certainly the male dancers have not been as good as the female dancers.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Debbie McGee is wonderful
0:19:30 > 0:19:33and Alexandra Burke is probably going to win now.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35So, it's a shame that he's not in it.
0:19:39 > 0:19:44After 25 years on this show, you are the man who is full of surprises.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Yes. A lot of people have said that
0:19:46 > 0:19:49but they haven't used the word "surprises".
0:19:52 > 0:19:54It's true. Very true.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Jeremy Corbyn. He was an Gogglebox, Celebrity Gogglebox,
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Gogglebox Celebrity. - And what was he watching?
0:20:06 > 0:20:07I saw a clip of it...
0:20:07 > 0:20:10..on the news. It was some cookery show or something?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Maybe The Great British Bake Off perhaps.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13No, he was watching Nigella.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Oh, was he?- Yeah. - That's just a bit of gossip.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Jeremy Corbyn and Jessica Hynes watched University Challenge
0:20:19 > 0:20:21and Nigella's cookery show.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24He got a history question wrong on University Challenge.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Here he is struggling with it.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28These bonuses are on Roman history, Ulster.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Against which city-state
0:20:30 > 0:20:32did Rome fight the three Punic Wars
0:20:32 > 0:20:34in the third and second centuries BC.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Sparta.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37AUDIENCE GROANS
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Carthage.- Correct.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- Oh.- Oh, third century, I got the wrong century.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Of course! Carthage, yes, of course.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Oh, no!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Sparta, you muppet!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Sparta!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Were you not asked to be on Celebrity Gogglebox, Ian?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54No, I was furious.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57I think now that you've made your love of the show publicly known,
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- I think, next year, you're bound to be ignored again.- I'll say no.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Is it for charity? Do they do it for charity?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06- Yeah.- Oh, I'll definitely say no.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11What did Jeremy Corbyn describe as ridiculous?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14There was something he saw on television during the...
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Sparta!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18It was Nigella's recipe for poaching eggs.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Shall we watch him angrily explaining how it should be done?
0:21:21 > 0:21:23- Yes.- You don't do egg whites that way.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- What's she doing?- No! You know how to get egg white, don't you?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- I think we all know how to poach eggs.- You break the egg,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31and you pour it from one to the other, one to the other,
0:21:31 > 0:21:33put the yolk on one side and you've got the egg white.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- Masterclass in egg poaching! - What do you use a strainer for?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38It's ridiculous.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39What I like is a coddled egg.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44She's literally going, "This is who I voted for!"
0:21:45 > 0:21:46What is a coddled egg?
0:21:46 > 0:21:50A coddled egg? Oh, you wrap it up and don't say anything offensive.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58I love the idea he's giving Nigella lessons in cooking.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59The man who didn't know the difference
0:21:59 > 0:22:01between Sparta and Carthage.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Jeremy Corbyn appeared on an edition of Gogglebox
0:22:05 > 0:22:08watching various programmes including University Challenge,
0:22:08 > 0:22:09though he didn't do very well on that,
0:22:09 > 0:22:12as he thought the answer to every question was more public spending.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Your four are...
0:22:17 > 0:22:19the family of Henry Blofeld,
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Frank Sinatra,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Napoleon Bonaparte,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24And a frankfurter.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Is this the Bond connection?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Would you like to explain what the Bond connection is?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Bond connection, yes, my father and Ian Fleming were at school together.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And he... He cribbed my name for Stavro Blofeld in the Bond books.
0:22:35 > 0:22:40And my only claim to fame in that was once meeting Lois Maxwell.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42- Miss Moneypenny? - Yes, Miss Moneypenny.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43I was able to say to her,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45"Yes, you might also say we had a common BOND."
0:22:45 > 0:22:48- AUDIENCE GROANS - Yes, I know, she actually laughed.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52It is to do with names. What sort of a character was Blofeld?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56- He was a villain.- Indeed, he had money in every conceivable...
0:22:56 > 0:23:00..in the Cayman Islands and the lot, didn't he?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- SARA:- Napoleon was the name of the pig in George Orwell's Animal Farm.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04- Oh, that's good.- Yes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- Yes, he's a villain in Animal Farm. - So, baddies named after them?
0:23:08 > 0:23:09But then frankfurter...
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- Frank N Furter, isn't he a baddie? - In The Rocky Horror Show.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Who is going to be the first to the odd one out?
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Frank Sinatra's the odd one out!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17That is correct.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19We did a lot of the work for them.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Just in time.- You're welcome, guys.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Can I just say, it's sickening to see a woman do all the work
0:23:25 > 0:23:26and a man claiming credit.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31They have all inspired the names of fictional villains
0:23:31 > 0:23:33except Frank Sinatra, whose singing
0:23:33 > 0:23:36inspired the name of a fictional hero.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Scooby-Doo!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44They don't write them like that any more. According to the BBC,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47CBS Children's Commissioner Fred Silverman was inspired
0:23:47 > 0:23:50by those lyrics from Frank Sinatra's song Strangers In The Night.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Your father, as you say, Mr Blofeld,
0:23:53 > 0:23:55may have inspired Ian Fleming's baddie.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Shall we have a look at evil Blofeld?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- Who's the actor? - That's Donald Pleasance, there.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Donald Pleasance in You Only Live Twice.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04But why would Donald Pleasance not have been good casting
0:24:04 > 0:24:07in On Her Majesty's Secret Service?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Somebody else is Blofeld in that.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Because a key plot point is that Blofeld has no earlobes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13- HENRY:- Oh, right. Yes.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15- SARA:- What is the plotline?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Is it earrings?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20He's jealous of some lovely earrings?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Blofeld's disguised, but Bond realises it must be him
0:24:23 > 0:24:25because he's got no earlobes.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26You know, earlobes are interesting.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Brian Johnston had such long lobes to his ears
0:24:29 > 0:24:32he could stick them in and they stayed there.
0:24:32 > 0:24:36He did this in the commentary box and it was very disconcerting.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37When he was talking to you, he'd stick it...
0:24:37 > 0:24:40..and then he would raise his right eyebrow,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43and it would pop out, like a cork out of a bottle.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Time now for the missing words round,
0:24:46 > 0:24:49which, this week, features as its guest publication
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Milestones & Waymarkers - The Journal of the Milestone Society.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56It's a critical time for the magazine. It's at a crossroads.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58AUDIENCE GROANS
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- Ian and...- "Gambling" sheep, you see.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03"Gambling"?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05They're nostalgic for that now.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07They are, yeah, that was the highlight,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09you didn't know it at the time, did you?
0:25:09 > 0:25:10And we start with...
0:25:13 > 0:25:17- SARA:- Bathing in the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Is it just...
0:25:24 > 0:25:25..Dick?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Greasing the stairs at Buckingham Palace.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Unbelievably, Prince Charles was once spotted
0:25:38 > 0:25:42painting the numbers on a milestone at Sandringham.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Charles also has a milestone saying, "Buckingham Palace, ten years."
0:25:45 > 0:25:49Given to him by a chuckling queen 48 years ago.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Next...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56- SARA:- Giggle as man describes penis.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Lie-detecting underpants heat up whenever you tell a porky.
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Next...
0:26:07 > 0:26:10The Duke of Edinburgh.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17The Queen's honeymoon was immeasurably improved
0:26:17 > 0:26:19by Susan the corgi going, too.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20- SARA:- Aww, Susan.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Finally...
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- SARA:- Bulge in lie-detecting underpants!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Almighty vegetable.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Is it Eamonn Holmes?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Prince song.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Really big courgette... #
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Is that it?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Second World War bomb turns out to be really big courgette.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52God, the Germans were desperate towards the end, weren't they?!
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Here's the courgette...
0:26:54 > 0:26:57It was found in a garden in Bretten in Germany.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- Yes.- Coincidentally, replacing bombs with courgettes
0:26:59 > 0:27:02is a key plan of Jeremy Corbyn's new defence strategy.
0:27:04 > 0:27:05According to the BBC,
0:27:05 > 0:27:08once police had confirmed it was just a five-kilo vegetable...
0:27:10 > 0:27:12..and sure enough, 24 hours later,
0:27:12 > 0:27:14neighbours heard a massive explosion.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19So, the final scores are...
0:27:19 > 0:27:21..Ian and Sara have five.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Paul and Henry have six.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35That's me stuffed!
0:27:38 > 0:27:41It's not just lambs who "gamble"!
0:27:41 > 0:27:42APPLAUSE
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- SARA:- I've only just got what that was! I've just got it!
0:27:47 > 0:27:50That's the clap I should have got 20 minutes ago!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53And I leave you with news that in London
0:27:53 > 0:27:55there is evidence the architect of the new Lib Dem headquarters
0:27:55 > 0:27:57has been slightly too pessimistic.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04In St James's Park, after feeling a sharp sting on the back of his neck,
0:28:04 > 0:28:08a government tax inspector mysteriously collapses.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15And in Soho, David Attenborough's agent phones to congratulate him
0:28:15 > 0:28:18on the success of his new TV show.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Goodnight.