0:00:02 > 0:00:03This is genuinely very spooky indeed,
0:00:03 > 0:00:06I was hosting this show the week Saddam Hussein was captured.
0:00:07 > 0:00:12I was hosting this show the week Osama Bin Laden was captured,
0:00:12 > 0:00:16and today, ladies and gentlemen, the day Westlife split up, here I am.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Good evening, and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00I'm Alexander Armstrong. In the news this week...
0:01:00 > 0:01:03As news of the demise of Colonel Gaddafi flashes around the world,
0:01:03 > 0:01:06there is evidence that his team of 20 young female bodyguards
0:01:06 > 0:01:08may not be out of work for long.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16In South London, a reporter makes an impassioned appeal
0:01:16 > 0:01:18for information regarding the whereabouts
0:01:18 > 0:01:20of a confused elderly Australian sports fan.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31And before performing at the O2 Arena,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Dame Vera Lynn is less than impressed
0:01:33 > 0:01:34with the toilet facilities.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44On Ian's team tonight is a Tory MP and chick-lit author,
0:01:44 > 0:01:47who describes her work as "trashy, with no redeeming merit",
0:01:47 > 0:01:50on the other hand her chick-lit books are great,
0:01:50 > 0:01:51please welcome, Louise Mensch.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00With Paul tonight is a writer and presenter
0:02:00 > 0:02:03who recently described BBC executives as
0:02:03 > 0:02:05"soulless, soulless bastards",
0:02:05 > 0:02:07which some might say is a little heavy on the soulless
0:02:07 > 0:02:11and a little light on the bastards, please welcome, Danny Baker.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Let's start with a fairly big story, take a look at this.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24No-one stops and searches a tractor, do they?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Oh, they're happy.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28Oh, no, he's back.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Oh, there we are, in case we didn't know what the story was.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Nice, safe celebrations there.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38So, Gaddafi's dead, big comedy moment.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Where was he found?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- A sewer.- In a sewer pipe. - A sewer pipe, yeah.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45They are always found underground, never in the air.
0:02:45 > 0:02:50There must be something online, called "tunnels for tyrants".
0:02:50 > 0:02:51TFT!
0:02:51 > 0:02:54They're always so mean because they must be offered,
0:02:54 > 0:02:58"Do you want the single pipe or do you want the multi-warren?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01"No. Just the single pipe for me!" There is never a way out.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03They learned their lesson this time,
0:03:03 > 0:03:06with Saddam, he was found and they had to put him on trial,
0:03:06 > 0:03:07but luckily, this time he was shot.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10So we didn't have to see all the character witnesses
0:03:10 > 0:03:14turning out for Gaddafi. Tony Blair...!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Oh, yeah.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20He didn't get one last broadcast, I used to enjoy his radio shows.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24A trip down memory lane with Colonel Gaddafi.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28He used to say, "The running dog, treacherous vultures of Washington
0:03:28 > 0:03:34"shall pay for their duplicity in the noble blood of a desert race,
0:03:34 > 0:03:38"and now for Tracey and all at 35, here is The Beach Boys."
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Cryptically Al-Jazeera started off saying that
0:03:42 > 0:03:44"a big fish had been found".
0:03:44 > 0:03:47While a BBC reporter announced that...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52They've got Mick Hucknall!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56There was instant reaction around the world,
0:03:56 > 0:03:58including the Daily Mail website
0:03:58 > 0:04:01where the following message was posted by Shaun from London,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Oh, do piss off, Shaun!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15How did the people of Sirte celebrate the news?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17They fired bullets into the air.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20It's very dangerous to shoot a bullet in the air,
0:04:20 > 0:04:21it can come down and kill you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25On fireworks night, I wonder where the rockets come down,
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I think this is the lesson, some good could come out of this.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32The last bit of the rocket to come down is the wooden stick.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Yeah. There you are. You could be impaled.- Yeah, you would.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37With the rocket still flaming away up there.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39It lands on your head and you go to school the next day
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- and you don't know about it. - That is how this happened.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43See? That's how that happened.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46That was a Catherine wheel gone wrong.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Do you know what else were they doing in Sirte as celebration?
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Were they dressing up as Gaddafi?
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Dangerous, I would have thought.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Too soon, too soon.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Apparently, the shops were thrown open so people could help themselves
0:04:59 > 0:05:01to whatever they fancied,
0:05:01 > 0:05:02a tradition started in Tottenham this year!
0:05:06 > 0:05:10Andrew Mitchell, the International Development Secretary said...
0:05:15 > 0:05:19He's the cabinet minister with special responsibility for brown nosing.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23This is the death of Colonel Gaddafi,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26one of the first world leaders to comment was Silvio Berlusconi
0:05:26 > 0:05:29who said Sic Transit Gloria Mundi, but it turns out he was saying
0:05:29 > 0:05:32that one of his girlfriends had thrown up in a mini-bus.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38That is the oldest joke I have ever heard.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41It was revealed in the last week that Colonel Gaddafi had been hoping
0:05:41 > 0:05:45to negotiate a safe passage out of Libya with a high ranking British contact,
0:05:45 > 0:05:47but for some reason, Adam Werritty never turned up.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Ian and Louise, take a look at this.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Oh, he's not bitter.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56The former Defence Secretary.
0:05:56 > 0:06:00The wrath of something flashing over the Cabinet Office,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03there's Gus O'Donnell looking scary. Diary.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Rather empty now, but he's gone.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Dr Fox resigned and he's got a £17,000 pay-off.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11David Cameron says we've got to put the story behind us,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14forget about it, it was embarrassing, it's over.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- What's wrong with that? - What's wrong with that? It isn't!
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Isn't it?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Not if I can help it!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23APPLAUSE
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Were you there for his goodbye resignation speech?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31- I did hear his resignation speech. - Were you moved?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I was moved, especially when he thanked his wife
0:06:34 > 0:06:37and people around him targeted by the media, I was moved by that.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Did you think, "God, the media, they're to blame?"
0:06:41 > 0:06:42I don't know... I don't think the media...
0:06:42 > 0:06:46If it hadn't been for the media, he would still be in his job!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I thought that there were legitimate things the media asked
0:06:49 > 0:06:50and totally illegitimate things.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Which ones were they?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54The innuendo about his personal life.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57He said he blurred his personal and professional life,
0:06:57 > 0:07:01so presumably we were entitled to ask about the personal life.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04There was a legitimate area of enquiry, that's perfectly fine,
0:07:04 > 0:07:07most of the coverage was not about that legitimate area of enquiry.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10So he had his mate in the room, who wasn't security vetted,
0:07:10 > 0:07:13who was listening to briefings he shouldn't.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16A mate paid by shadowy transatlantic interests,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19including the Israeli Government and the Iranians and others,
0:07:19 > 0:07:22who were paying through a fake company called...
0:07:22 > 0:07:25What was it called? Sat-nav, or Par Gav or something,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28which managed to fork out all the money.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31It was a really shocking dereliction of duty.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It was a breach of the ministerial code and he resigned for it...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35It was a breach of the code.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37That sounds like he's ripped his trousers.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44It seems an extraordinary thing to take your mate along
0:07:44 > 0:07:47when dealing with nuclear warheads and that.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51"Come in, he's all right, he's all right. Come on, sit down."
0:07:51 > 0:07:55Order some drinks up, we will have this done in ten minutes, go on!
0:07:55 > 0:07:59- There was some cheap innuendo, wasn't there? Quite a lot of it.- No.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00There was no cheap innuendo at all?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03If Adam Werritty had been a young girl,
0:08:03 > 0:08:0517 years younger than the minister....
0:08:05 > 0:08:09who he'd met at a university, put in his own house, given a job,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12stuck with him, and taken on holiday to a four-star hotel,
0:08:12 > 0:08:15then you would have seen some proper innuendo!
0:08:19 > 0:08:23So you are saying Fox resigned because he did something wrong,
0:08:23 > 0:08:24or did he?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Here is his colleague Peter Bone MP on Newsnight.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Why not just accept the obvious, that because...
0:08:29 > 0:08:31He resigned because he did something wrong.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Absolutely not.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35He resigned because he did something right?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38He resigned, yes, because he did something right.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45I think if Fox's name hadn't been Fox, there wouldn't be sympathy.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49I mean, everyone can say Fox was hounded or Fox was hunted.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53What if he'd been called Dr Liam Piranha?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Dr Liam Vampire-Squid.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I think we would have had a more accurate representation.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08David Cameron said he felt ministerial rules needed to be tightened.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Perhaps what he meant was followed?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Political lobbying is in the spotlight again
0:09:15 > 0:09:16after the Fox affair.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20David Cameron has been outspoken on this issue for a number of years.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Anyone know what he said about this previously?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25He said it was the next big scandal and needed to be sorted out.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Absolutely...
0:09:27 > 0:09:30And we are sorting it out, we're bringing in a register on lobbyists.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33It was recommended in 2009 by the Select Committee,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Labour voted against it, we are going to bring it in.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Let sunshine win the day.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Who's competing against sunshine for the day?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42"Let sunshine win the day" -
0:09:42 > 0:09:45who is sunshine competing against for the honour of the day?
0:09:45 > 0:09:46I think the night.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- The night can't compete for the day...- It can try!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51..its hours are completely different!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53You need sunshine to win the day.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56This isn't your most controversial policy, is it?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Sunshine's better than the night-time!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05These things only tend to happen once resignation, shame,
0:10:05 > 0:10:08police involved, it is like they've been caught shoplifting and said,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11"You know what? I'm never doing that again.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14"That's in my favour. How about that?"
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I blur the distinction between thieving and not thieving.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Another beneficiary of the distraction
0:10:21 > 0:10:25provided by the Fox debacle was Oliver Letwin,
0:10:25 > 0:10:26or as the Mirror called him...
0:10:31 > 0:10:35What has gaffe-prone millionaire buffoon Letwin been up to?
0:10:35 > 0:10:38He was found in park throwing away papers,
0:10:38 > 0:10:41the Mirror said they were secret, they weren't secret or classified,
0:10:41 > 0:10:44but Oliver was throwing them away in a bin.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46So it was harmless? It was nothing? Fox has meetings abroad,
0:10:46 > 0:10:48and there's nothing in those that his mate heard.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52There's nothing in these papers. What do your mob actually do?
0:10:55 > 0:11:00My uncle lost his job doing his work in the park, he was a grave digger,
0:11:00 > 0:11:04so you could see the trouble the council had with that.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06A spokesman said...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Is that what Fleet Street calls a scoop?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Letwin has apologised.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22I do apologise, because I do understand that constituents may feel
0:11:22 > 0:11:29that I shouldn't have allowed their papers to be in that bin.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33He shouldn't have allowed it, the papers were going in the bin,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35he saw it, but he allowed it!
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Things separated from him.
0:11:39 > 0:11:44"I saw this happening, I couldn't believe it, but I allowed it!"
0:11:44 > 0:11:47And your fellow MP and coalition partner, Mike Hancock,
0:11:47 > 0:11:49has been in the news again?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50He has.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54Debonair Mike Hancock, a stalwart of the Defence Select Committee,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56stepped down from it this week,
0:11:56 > 0:11:58after it was revealed that a young lady with whom
0:11:58 > 0:12:01he had been having an affair might have been a Russian spy.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04There is a question that she was allowed to see
0:12:04 > 0:12:07some confidential briefings and what have you.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09She had a pass, she was vetted by the Commons.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12A proper pass or did it just say "advisor" on it?!
0:12:14 > 0:12:17A vetted pass, to be fair,
0:12:17 > 0:12:20but she was a very young and attractive lady and although...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I hope this isn't innuendo!
0:12:22 > 0:12:25It isn't innuendo. She was actually an attractive lady.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31The Russian intern and mistress is called Katerina Zatuliveter,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33she's currently fighting extradition.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36In the papers, Mike Hancock was described as being...
0:12:41 > 0:12:43That is code for "a bit of a shagger".
0:12:47 > 0:12:51They said she was immensely valuable to Russian intelligence
0:12:51 > 0:12:55because of the ease she forms intimate relationship.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58That is code for "a bit of a slag".
0:13:02 > 0:13:05How come he's only a shagger but she's a slag? That's worse.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Tiny bit of sexism, I think, in the comparable terms that you just used.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11It's the code.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Whose code? Is it the blokes' code?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- You're breaching the comics' code. - I'm just saying what the code of the tabloids is.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- It is the male code. - Ahh, the evil tabloids.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Everybody knows what the code means.
0:13:23 > 0:13:28I'm not defending the code, I think it is abhorrent!
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Can't we say they both have inappropriate relationships?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33There we are.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37They have blurred the line between not having sex and having sex.
0:13:37 > 0:13:41Because they went so fast there was a blur, and they blurred,
0:13:41 > 0:13:44who is doing what to who, I have no idea, pass the biscuits,
0:13:44 > 0:13:46then they woke up and it was all a dream.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50What was Mike Hancock's seduction technique?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52He didn't have to do anything, she had the opening line,
0:13:52 > 0:13:57"I hear you have a huge naval base in your constituency."
0:13:57 > 0:14:00"Want to find out, baby?"
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Well, apparently he offered her a CD.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Here's the navel, there's the base, do you know what I mean, darling?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09You won't be taking this up the Kremlin, will you?
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Yes, no, he offered her a CD.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16- A CD?- Yes.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20She eventually moved into his London flat.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23A while later, he submitted a claim for an iron for the flat.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25He said he needed one because...
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I bet you do, Mike, you old rascal!
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Yes, it's another bad week for the Coalition.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36One MP in trouble is Lib Dem Mike Hancock,
0:14:36 > 0:14:40whose young lover faces deportation for being a Russian spy.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Miss Zatuliveter was described in court as...
0:14:45 > 0:14:48..and Lib Dem backbenchers.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Miss Zatuliveter strongly denies being a spy,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55but admits affairs with...
0:15:00 > 0:15:04She can always make room in her diary for Hancock's Half Hour!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11It is alleged Miss Zatuliveter had an affair with an MP in order
0:15:11 > 0:15:14to obtain Government secrets, though if that was all she wanted,
0:15:14 > 0:15:17she could have gone to a St James's Park bin.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Paul and Danny, take a look at this.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25This is the travellers being run out of the...
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- Olympic Stadium is coming on well. - Yes, doing well.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31The Olympic rings, only three have turned up.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Yes, that is the demolition
0:15:34 > 0:15:39of part of the Dale Farm traveller site near Basildon.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41It is reported that several people have been tasered,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44many Essex residents thought it was a new beauty treatment!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48It is about ten years this has been going on.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51They have spent £18 million, essentially,
0:15:51 > 0:15:53on what is something like 40 families.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56It is the most staggering waste of time and effort.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59People have said, "I can't believe this much money has been spent on
0:15:59 > 0:16:02"what should be, given all the other problems,
0:16:02 > 0:16:04"something a bit soluble."
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Or at least, in the modern way, turn it into some kind of show.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13"The caravan being evicted this week is..."
0:16:16 > 0:16:19What's the other protest going on peacefully?
0:16:19 > 0:16:24The protest outside St Paul's against the terrible world economy.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25They may have to close the gap.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28They have already had to close the shop and cafe.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- What is happening to religion? - I know.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33They were protesting against the Stock Exchange,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36but they couldn't camp outside there, and St Paul's said,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39"All right, you can camp here."
0:16:39 > 0:16:42It was amusing to see the longest queue ever for Starbucks
0:16:42 > 0:16:45in the history of the world in that square
0:16:45 > 0:16:47at a protest against capitalism.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50What are the London protesters trying to achieve?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54The overthrow of the corrupt system, as they see it, no?
0:16:54 > 0:16:58They tweet about it on their iPhones, perhaps between getting cafe lattes,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01and housing themselves in very fancy tents.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04They are against capitalism, except for the lattes.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07If they buy coffee, their opinions are worthless?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12If they prop up a corporate item like Starbucks, they have to ask
0:17:12 > 0:17:15themselves how much of capitalism they really, really don't like...
0:17:15 > 0:17:18You can't negate them because they have a cup of coffee.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21It is like saying to a condemned man on the way to the gallows,
0:17:21 > 0:17:24"You ate your last meal, what's the matter with you?!"
0:17:24 > 0:17:29You can't be against capitalism then take everything that it provides and say,
0:17:29 > 0:17:31"This is terrific, but I hate the system you provide."
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Everything?! A cup of coffee?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35One cup of coffee and they can't...?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Can't they be about...? Sorry.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40HE MUMBLES
0:17:40 > 0:17:41No, no, no.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44It is just so obvious, I can't be bothered.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47What were you going to say?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54You don't have to want to return to a barter system in the Stone Age
0:17:54 > 0:17:59to complain about the financial crisis affecting the world, do you?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Even if you're having a cup of coffee and you've got a tent.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04APPLAUSE
0:18:09 > 0:18:12You really can't get out there and say, "Capitalism is crisis,"
0:18:12 > 0:18:14and enjoy everything it brings and revel in it.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17You keep saying "everything", they had a cup of coffee.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20That is not everything!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22According to the Guardian...
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Right. That sounds really effective.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Much better to get some lobbyists in!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:44What did Matthew Watkinson, an extra from Downton Abbey say?
0:18:44 > 0:18:47If he has drunk coffee, I'm not interested.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I'm not interested. He's worthless!
0:18:49 > 0:18:52His opinion is of no value at all.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56If I can smell an espresso on your breath, get out of here.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00So Matthew Watkinson, an extra from Downton Abbey...?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Is he from upstairs or downstairs? That will make a difference.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I don't know. He could be both.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06He could be saying,
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- IN A CORNISH ACCENT: - "Yes, my Lord",
0:19:08 > 0:19:09or he could be saying,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- IN A POSH VOICE: - "Hello!"
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I've not yet seen it, I now don't need to.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17That's it, that's the whole plot.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Have you not seen Downton Abbey?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22No, I was on tour when it was on, last time. This time...
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Pfft... missed it!
0:19:24 > 0:19:27You blurred the line between watching it and missing it,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29you blurred that line.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Anyway, Matthew Watkinson told the Mail why he was at the camp.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35He said...:
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Right, yes(!)
0:19:41 > 0:19:42This is the battle of Dale Farm.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45The leader of Basildon Council, Tony Ball, said...
0:19:48 > 0:19:52Those on the outside can taser away as much as they like!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Meanwhile, there have been anti-capitalist protests
0:19:56 > 0:19:58in various cities around the world.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Outside St Paul's Cathedral, unemployed protestor Catherine Garraty said...
0:20:03 > 0:20:07Things are bad when you have to eat Oliver Letwin's correspondence!
0:20:07 > 0:20:09The most violent protests saw young people
0:20:09 > 0:20:12go on the rampage in Italy, and if anyone's guilty
0:20:12 > 0:20:16of screwing the younger generation, it's Silvio Berlusconi.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20APPLAUSE
0:20:21 > 0:20:25And so to round two, the strengthometer of news,
0:20:25 > 0:20:29fingers on buzzers, teams, here is the first one.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35They found out this week there is a virus that attacks people
0:20:35 > 0:20:39who go in for the essential treatment of having your rough skin
0:20:39 > 0:20:43taken off your toes by fish, instead of a pumice stone.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46However, you may find you lose a leg.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49It's a belief you might be able to catch hepatitis from them,
0:20:49 > 0:20:52the fish suffer because they get athlete's gill.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Bunion fin, they get that as well.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01It sounds like a country and western singer. Bunion fin.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04That's exactly right, Hepatitis C and HIV. You're right.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Let's hear how Newsnight's Emily Maitlis described it
0:21:07 > 0:21:08when she had one earlier this year...
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Oh, Emily!
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Get yourself down the clinic
0:21:35 > 0:21:37and take your hepatitic feet with you now.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41How could these infections be passed on?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Rumour!
0:21:43 > 0:21:45I tend to think it has something to do with whitebait,
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- I've not made the connection yet... - No.- ..but I'm sure
0:21:48 > 0:21:51that once those fish have outlived their usefulness,
0:21:51 > 0:21:54several restaurants I know will have them.
0:21:54 > 0:21:59Basically you're taking some old boy's toe fat
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- and that is how these things get out! - That is the economic reality.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Well, according to The Sun, infections and bacteria
0:22:06 > 0:22:09may be passed on by the fish themselves or through water
0:22:09 > 0:22:13used by a previous client and left unchanged.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15It is not just the feet owners at risk.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17What peril do the fish face?
0:22:17 > 0:22:21- Don't you call me fish-face! - He's a guest on the programme!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25The fish are starving, they are not getting enough to eat.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27That's exactly right, yes.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35This is the story which made the front page of The Sun under the headline...
0:22:38 > 0:22:42..also the somewhat surprising sequel to Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50It seems fairly self-explanatory.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53This is about people changing their names by deed poll.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55And we lead the world in it, don't we?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I think I'll give you that.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00This is the news that 60,000 people a year now change their names
0:23:00 > 0:23:03by deed poll, compared with just 197 in the year 2000.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06The process has been dramatically simplified.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Ten years ago it was complicated, now you only need £33
0:23:09 > 0:23:11and a few minutes to fill out the form.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Anyone think of any exceptionally hilarious names being changed?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18We can't think of anything hilarious.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19That's not what we are here for.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23I've come here to read the metre. I don't know why it's taking so long.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28There is ASDA worker Greg Lewis, who went for Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette.
0:23:28 > 0:23:33And Liverpool fan Shaun McCormack who changed his name to...
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Torres moved to Chelsea a few months later.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41What came as a surprise to Dr Pasty-Smasher Omelette?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44There was someone else by that name.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48He said when he found out he had officially changed his name,
0:23:48 > 0:23:49he was surprised. He said...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58He's too stupid to be a doctor.
0:23:58 > 0:24:02Bang that thing with a hammer again, we've had enough of this one.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Hit me too, I have had enough of this programme.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Apparently some people choose to fuse their surnames
0:24:12 > 0:24:13when they get married.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Michael Pugh and Rebecca Griffin fused their surnames
0:24:16 > 0:24:18to become Mr and Mrs Puffin.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22They told the Telegraph...
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Yeah, yeah. Until they manage to scrape together £33.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32Sometimes changing your name can involve changing just a vowel,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35our very own Paul Martin became Paul Merton,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38David Williams became David Walliams
0:24:38 > 0:24:41and Brian Cant said it was the best £33 he ever spent.
0:24:41 > 0:24:42APPLAUSE
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Now for the missing words round,
0:24:45 > 0:24:47which this week features as its guest publication, Bin Bulletin...
0:24:49 > 0:24:53..specially designed to go straight in, and we start with...
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Whose head is that?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01I'm afraid it smells a bit?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I'll keep the camera.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06This is the story of a person who found a handbag
0:25:06 > 0:25:08that was lost at the airport,
0:25:08 > 0:25:12sent it back but kept the camera in it as a reward for themselves.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Tabloid readers were shocked that they kept the camera,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18rather than the customary thing which is stuff it
0:25:18 > 0:25:22down your pants and take a photograph and then return it.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- Physically violated.- Utted.- That's what it is, he was utted.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Demands strip-search of rival.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Ooh-la-la!
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Ed Martin was accused of hiding the letter G,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41his opponent said he should be strip-searched,
0:25:41 > 0:25:45when they searched him in the toilet all they found was a Q.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Tony Blair is a fan of Scrabble.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57To this day, it's the only time he's seen WMD in Iraq.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58THEY GROAN
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Next...
0:26:02 > 0:26:03Nutted me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09She didn't seem to mind.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Michael Winner explained...
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Her Majesty ignored Michael because that is what everyone tends to do.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Finally...
0:26:24 > 0:26:26God does exist.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31The mummy returns.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34This is the taxi driver who has become the first man to be
0:26:34 > 0:26:36mummified in the style of the Ancient Egyptians.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Ancient Egyptians believed in the afterlife you had to cross
0:26:39 > 0:26:42the river of fire, I'm guessing he will be the only taxi driver
0:26:42 > 0:26:44crossing that river this time of night.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49The final scores are, Ian and Louise on six,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Paul and Danny on seven.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Before we go, there is time for the caption competition.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Ian and Louise, you have this.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04David Cameron woos the women's vote.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09Mrs Thatcher attends Dr Fox's birthday party.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12APPLAUSE
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Paul and Danny get that.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Specially posed photograph appears in newspapers.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Pied Piper tells Jobcentre, "I've still got it!"
0:27:27 > 0:27:30On which note, we say thank you to our panellists,
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Ian Hislop and Louise Mensch, Paul Merton and Danny Baker.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36There is a worrying sight for Michael Jackson's doctor
0:27:36 > 0:27:38as he arrives for his LA trial.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47In West Dorset, one constituent decides he might as well
0:27:47 > 0:27:50cut out the middleman and wait for a personal meeting with Oliver Letwin.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56And returning home from a friend's stag night,
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Eamonn Holmes loses his front door key.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Good night.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd