0:00:27 > 0:00:30APPLAUSE
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44I'm Stephen Mangan.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47In the news this week, recently discovered footage shows
0:00:47 > 0:00:51a young Boris Johnson helping his brother perform a magic trick.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04As BBC TV Centre finally closes its doors
0:01:04 > 0:01:07and iconic shows have to be made elsewhere,
0:01:07 > 0:01:09removal men carefully follow instructions
0:01:09 > 0:01:11regarding Jools Holland's piano.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20In Westminster, George Osborne asks his Treasury team
0:01:20 > 0:01:22to stand behind his latest budget.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32And in Cyprus, after his meeting
0:01:32 > 0:01:34with the finance minister is cancelled,
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls
0:01:36 > 0:01:39has two hours to kill before his flight home.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42DANCE MUSIC
0:01:51 > 0:01:56With Ian tonight is the broadcaster, journalist and Labour peer
0:01:56 > 0:01:59whose controversial career in TV once had her deliver
0:01:59 > 0:02:02a commentary while a couple had sex in the studio.
0:02:02 > 0:02:07Not a report on censorship, just the 1987 Newsnight Christmas party.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Please welcome Joan Bakewell.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11APPLAUSE
0:02:15 > 0:02:20And on Paul's team tonight is the co-host of TV quiz Pointless,
0:02:20 > 0:02:23who says that his role there is to add to
0:02:23 > 0:02:26the Brokeback Mountain-style sexual frisson of the show.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Exactly the same reason we got him here tonight.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Please welcome Paul's bitch, Richard Osman.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34APPLAUSE
0:02:40 > 0:02:42And we start with the bigger stories of the week.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Ian and Joan, take a look at this.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Iain Duncan Smith.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Oh, the poor. The poor!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51He knows a lot about them.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53And the rich, he's one of them, so that's all right.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55He's on familiar territory there.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Here's a man who's taken the wrong path and is sticking to it.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Yes, he's just looking for some ideas.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05That was a selection of popular Tories.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Ending with the Chancellor.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12He gave a moving speech at Morrisons.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Yes, this is the introduction of significant changes
0:03:15 > 0:03:20both to the benefit system and to George Osborne's accent.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Let's start with the benefit changes.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25There are lots of benefit changes
0:03:25 > 0:03:27and they're all quite complicated, so, Ian?
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Well, there's a cap on total benefits you can claim in a year.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36That's popular. People don't want to feel that if they work
0:03:36 > 0:03:39they're going to make less money than if they were on benefits.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42That's one. They've changed the disability living benefit.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46There's the supposed bedroom tax, that's quite interesting.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49They are important, but the main thrust of them is,
0:03:49 > 0:03:52we're all in it together - except the people who aren't.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57And they are not in it. They're not even in the spare bedroom.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59It's very difficult for a Tory government
0:03:59 > 0:04:03comprised of very rich people to deliver a punitive welfare budget.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06People do think, "It's all right for you,"
0:04:06 > 0:04:09and when you go to Morrisons and put on a fake accent
0:04:09 > 0:04:14and say "Briddish" when you mean "British" and "kinda", it's awful.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Can we see a clip?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19He's not only trying to look as though he's vaguely middle class,
0:04:19 > 0:04:21he's trying to be Tony Blair.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Which is tragic.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Let's have a look. The first clip is how he used to speak.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30The second one ain't.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33They want to know if we are the change.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Badly wannit fixed.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36The British people.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37The Briddish people.
0:04:37 > 0:04:38Twenty per cent.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Twenny per cent.
0:04:40 > 0:04:46Yes, he was trying to sound less posh by saying "Briddish".
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Briddish. Instead of British.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51And he said "wanna" instead of "want to".
0:04:51 > 0:04:54And he said "people like you" instead of "oiks".
0:04:57 > 0:05:00APPLAUSE
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Why is Morrisons so popular with com... Not comedians!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I thought George Osborne was a comedian for a minute.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Why is Morrisons...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12I'll start again. Why is Morrisons so popular with politicians?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Comedians are more popular.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18It gives them a chance to tell low-paid workers it's their fault.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Yes.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Morrisons, I don't know what it is with politicians and Morrisons.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Yeah, what is it about politicians and Morrisons?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30George Osborne went to the Morrisons distribution centre in Kent
0:05:30 > 0:05:31to give a speech.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33David Cameron went to the same place in 2010.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Nick Clegg has been to a Morrisons in Norwich
0:05:35 > 0:05:38and Ed Miliband was on special offer at a Morrisons.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44APPLAUSE
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Since Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith
0:05:46 > 0:05:49introduced the benefit changes,
0:05:49 > 0:05:52what have over 400,000 people asked him to go and do?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Live on ?53 a week.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57And is he gonna?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Some of them want him to do it for more than a week.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05I imagine even he concedes he could only do it if the house,
0:06:05 > 0:06:08the heating, the rates, the tax,
0:06:08 > 0:06:10all that was taken care of
0:06:10 > 0:06:15and the ?53 was actually for food and snacks and chewing gum and whatever.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18That's quite shocking. Do you think he chews gum?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I've suddenly gone off him in a big way.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25?53 worth a week of it as well.
0:06:25 > 0:06:30Market trader David Bennett told the BBC he'd have to support his family
0:06:30 > 0:06:33on ?53 a week, and that's what started the petition off.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35How has Iain Duncan Smith defended himself?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37He said he was unemployed himself at one point,
0:06:37 > 0:06:40and things were so bad, they had to sack the butler.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Yes. That is pretty much it. He was unemployed.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Because he was Tory leader.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45It was when he...
0:06:47 > 0:06:48He said...
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Although he has been given the rent-free use
0:06:55 > 0:06:58of a large 16th-century farmhouse on the ancestral estate
0:06:58 > 0:07:01of his father-in-law, the Fifth Baron of Cottesloe.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05So it hasn't been entirely a struggle.
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Brought up on an estate!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13What's happened to Iain Duncan Smith twice?
0:07:13 > 0:07:16He's been unemployed twice, after he left the Army.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19I think he went on the dole, didn't he?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21No, he didn't.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23He said he didn't claim anything.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25He said of losing his job in the early '90s...
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Effectively ending his career as a conductor.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34He went on...
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Fortunately, they were given rent-free use
0:07:39 > 0:07:41of that large 16th-century farmhouse.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44The overall benefit figure is going up
0:07:44 > 0:07:48and it is going to be about 200 billion in a couple of years' time.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51So even you lot, when you get in, will have to do something about it.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Do you know where it's going?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57At least two thirds of the benefit money goes to older, retired people.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01So it's your fault? For being old?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Look, time to strip the pensioners of all those freebies.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07For example, we just...
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Not at all, good heavens above.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Do you want to hear what they would say in the Home Counties?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17We have worked all our lives
0:08:17 > 0:08:20and we deserve the reward in our older years.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22And they're right. And they're right.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24So the fact that you get these for free
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and tellies and heating and everything...
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I beg your...
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Everything, everything for free!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34I have a bus pass.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36You have a bus pass?!
0:08:36 > 0:08:37I have a bus pass.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I climb on the bus with a whole lot of other jolly retired people
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and we have a very good time prancing around London...
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Spending money and going to champagne and oyster bars.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48?53 a week...
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Going to the opera.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I think you're mixing up Oyster card with oyster bar.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58APPLAUSE
0:08:59 > 0:09:02I was really shocked, because this week the Guardian said,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04"When are pensioners going to actually pay up?"
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Your generation.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12There is a hideous attempt to create a war between the young and the old.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13RICHARD: That would be awesome.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16That would be... That would be awesome.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Are you seeing a TV pilot already?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21If I can buy the rights, Joan, let's talk.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25There are more of us than there are of the young, of course.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28That's what makes it interesting. There's more of you...
0:09:28 > 0:09:29But they're quicker!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33You've got the buses sewn up.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37We've got the bus franchise on our side. Yes, I can see the strategy.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I can see it working quite well. Who would be your leader?
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Oh, I can't imagine.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44General Bakewell. I can see it now.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48I think it's Brucie, isn't it? Brucie would be the leader.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I thought you said, "I think that's Brucie."
0:09:52 > 0:09:53Are you talking TV pilot now
0:09:53 > 0:09:55or are you talking master of illusion?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I'm not talking TV pilot. I say let's go straight to series.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Yes! Absolutely.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03It's not just those on low incomes affected by the cuts.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07What's going to happen to those people earning over ?150,000 a year?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08They get a tax break.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10They get a tax cut.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14So that's nice. It's nice to go to the opera, you need tickets.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18You're not going to go to many operas on ?53 a week, are you? No.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20That doesn't get you very far if you want to see Wagner's Ring
0:10:20 > 0:10:22and I understand...
0:10:22 > 0:10:23LAUGHTER
0:10:26 > 0:10:28The audience has gone lowbrow on you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34The poor souls are getting their income tax cut from 50p to 45p.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35In other good news,
0:10:35 > 0:10:38the Queen is getting a ?6 million pay rise... Yay!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41..and, Joan, you'll get your winter fuel allowance,
0:10:41 > 0:10:42so it's all good news.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I tried to send mine back. Did you? I rang them and said,
0:10:46 > 0:10:49"I don't need this money. Will you please take it back?"
0:10:49 > 0:10:52And they said, "We have no mechanism for retrieving it."
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I will take it over if you...
0:10:55 > 0:10:58JOAN: Strange you say that, because they set up a charity
0:10:58 > 0:11:00to receive the ?200 cheque.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02It was the only way to do it.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05They've got the warmest offices in London.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10But the Queen has got so many spare bedrooms.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12All her kids have left home.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Surely she owes us six million in bedroom tax?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Because she's on benefits. She's state-funded.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Finally, what else has been abolished this week
0:11:22 > 0:11:24to be replaced by seven new ones?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28The class system has been abolished, is that it?
0:11:28 > 0:11:30The upper, middle, working, old,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33the sociological format they devised back in the 1940s.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34There's now seven.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37Has anyone taken the test?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38AUDIENCE: Yes.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Right. Good.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43How many of you were elite? SILENCE
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Oh, come on!
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Just because you lied.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Established middle class?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52A FEW CHEERS
0:11:54 > 0:11:56That sounded established to me.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Traditional working class?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02AUDIENCE MEMBER: Rather!
0:12:02 > 0:12:03APPLAUSE
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Richard, do you socialise with lorry drivers?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14That's one of the questions on this BBC... I do.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17He's a very good friend of mine, Laurie Drivers.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19He works in the City for Deutsche Bank.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23It has a different tenor if you ask that question of a woman,
0:12:23 > 0:12:25doesn't it, really?
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Do you socialise with lorry drivers, Joan? Not often enough.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37One of the questions is, "Do you like classical music?"
0:12:37 > 0:12:38And if you like classical music,
0:12:38 > 0:12:41it tends to move you towards the elite group.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Well, I think that's an outrage!
0:12:43 > 0:12:46How patronising to suggest that everybody who likes classical music
0:12:46 > 0:12:48belongs to a certain class.
0:12:48 > 0:12:49RICHARD: True, though.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56I ticked the box that said hip-hop.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I was trying to bring my score down. Did it work?
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Did you think you were applying for the NHS's latest operation?
0:13:06 > 0:13:08This is the latest round of benefit cuts.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Several politicians have actually tried to experience
0:13:10 > 0:13:12life on benefits. According to the Mirror...
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Part of the Government's successful
0:13:18 > 0:13:20"Get back to work or we'll send Ann Widdecombe round" campaign.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Paul and Richard, take a look at this.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Yes. Right, yes.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Sunderland's new right-winger.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Yes, indeed.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34That's him not doing the fascist salute. And the funny...
0:13:34 > 0:13:36There's John Terry.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42So yes, it's the extraordinary story of Sunderland Football Club
0:13:42 > 0:13:46getting rid of their manager, and employing the new guy,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Paolo di Canio, who has talked about being a fascist
0:13:49 > 0:13:52and been shown giving fascist salutes.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56For Newcastle fans, Christmas has come early. They must be astonished.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Shot themselves in the foot.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Or is it hung themselves from the lamppost? They've done something.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Very bad. As well as being a fascist, he's a lunatic.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06That's the best thing about him. And you have proof of that?
0:14:06 > 0:14:11He just is. He just is! Move along.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I did feel sorry for him in his press conference,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15because they kept badgering him.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17He looked like he'd had it up to here.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19APPLAUSE
0:14:23 > 0:14:25But he said, "I'm a fascist.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29"I'm not a racist." Which, you know, that's fine, clearly.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Well, John Terry, for example, is not a fascist.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38So this press conference, how did Paolo di Canio attempt
0:14:38 > 0:14:40to draw a line under his political beliefs?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42He rounded everyone up and shipped them out.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46What he did was, he said...
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I believe him. This might not be a political statement.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55It could be just him waving. And this could just be him stretching.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59And this could be him doing an impression of Emu.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Anyone know where di Canio is here in this photo?
0:15:05 > 0:15:07That's him there. RICHARD: Right in the middle.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Oh, not where is he in the photo, but where...
0:15:13 > 0:15:16As we get older, the questions get easier, don't they?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Is this the funeral of a prominent right-winger? It is, yes.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24A well-known Italian fascist who was linked to a terrorist attack
0:15:24 > 0:15:28in Bologna. And here are Paolo's fellow mourners,
0:15:28 > 0:15:31who I think are just giving a nice synchronised goodbye wave.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Paolo di Canio called Mussolini basically a very principled,
0:15:36 > 0:15:39ethical individual, not to mention a midfield general,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43not afraid to shoot, who could also hang in the air by the post.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48But behind all this,
0:15:48 > 0:15:51what really matters is the person behind the beliefs.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55Is he a nice man to his players? No, he's not great.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57No, because he was at Swindon before.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Doesn't garner the same amount of attention.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02No, it's a bit like invading Czechoslovakia.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06You've got to invade Poland before people take any notice.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07APPLAUSE
0:16:10 > 0:16:13It's going to make the season exciting, though.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17I think it's what the Premiership's been missing - a fascist manager.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19No, I think it's been missing an openly fascist manager.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Yes, he likes kicking his players.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28PAUL LAUGHS
0:16:28 > 0:16:30He says...
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Did anyone see the Irish Daily Star's big scoop
0:16:38 > 0:16:40on the Di Canio appointment? No, I missed it. It said...
0:17:06 > 0:17:07You heard it here first.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12And what's all this got to do with David Miliband?
0:17:12 > 0:17:16He was the deputy chair and he resigned in protest.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18He does happen to be going to New York anyway.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21How do we feel about losing a Miliband brother to the States?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Not as good as his brother Ed does.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Yes, now Miliband's resigned as MP, we'll probably never have the chance
0:17:28 > 0:17:30to see that old embarrassing photo of him ever again, will we?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36David Miliband was, of course, a former colleague of Ed Balls.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Shall we see how Ed's getting on with his keep-fit routine?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42DANCE MUSIC
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Actually, you've missed something,
0:17:47 > 0:17:51because behind him on the right hand side as we look is David Miliband.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:17:57 > 0:17:59This is the controversial decision
0:17:59 > 0:18:01to appoint Paulo Di Canio as the manager of Sunderland.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04Most of the footballing world was shocked to hear Paulo Di Canio
0:18:04 > 0:18:07say he was a big admirer of Benito Mussolini,
0:18:07 > 0:18:11except for Harry Redknapp, who immediately tried to sign him.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Many Sunderland fans were upset at the idea
0:18:13 > 0:18:16that their club was managed by a fascist,
0:18:16 > 0:18:18saying that they have a proud tradition of welcoming people,
0:18:18 > 0:18:20regardless of colour or creed.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Just as long as yer not a BLEEP Geordie!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Sunderland accent right there.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Buying meat products has never been so difficult.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32You never know what's inside.
0:18:32 > 0:18:36So, now on to Round Two, the Pies of News.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40Buzz in when you've identified the news filling.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45BELL RINGS
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Ian.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:51That's the winner of the Grand National.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54This is horsemeat found in products,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56including one which is meant to be fish.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Is that right? Not quite, Ian.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Fish is the new thing that's being missold.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03According to Mark Drummond from the National Federation of Fish Friers,
0:19:03 > 0:19:04it's more of a problem with:
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I didn't think this whole horsemeat scandal had affected me at all.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19No. But this is the first year when betting on the Grand National has made me feel peckish.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Tesco has taken a lot of flak.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Their Customer Care team didn't help matters. What did they do?
0:19:25 > 0:19:29They took out a lot of ads. There were full page ads in the papers.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Tesco are apologising to us all the time.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33It's like the power companies this week.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Big ads saying, "We're so sorry we got caught."
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Other supermarkets were in the firing line.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Aldi, for instance. One of your favourites, Ian.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47No, I'm more of a Lidl man. You're more of a "little" man.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Their beef lasagne, eaten any of that?
0:19:53 > 0:19:58Not recently, but apparently, that had a problem with horses in it.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Wasn't that 100% horsemeat?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Yeah, it actually came with a sheepskin noseband.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Yes, a lasagne that's 100% horsemeat.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08What, no pasta or cheese?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11You don't want to know where that came from!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14They tracked it all down to this Romanian abattoir
0:20:14 > 0:20:15and the bloke was outraged. He said,
0:20:15 > 0:20:17"Of course it's horse. That's what we sell.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20"We sell horse. It's really good."
0:20:20 > 0:20:24What is the world coming to if you can't trust a Romanian abattoir?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30And it's not just horses that are trying to get into lasagne.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I spotted Rebekah Brooks...
0:20:34 > 0:20:36..attempting a new career path
0:20:36 > 0:20:39by trying to pass herself off as some minced beef.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Yes, it's yet another week for vegetarians to feel smug.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Still, just wait until they find out
0:20:51 > 0:20:54how much human saliva goes into making tofu.
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Fingers on buzzers. Here's the next pie.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03BELL RINGS Yes, Joan.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Well, I was there at the time.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08It was Eddie Mair's interview with Boris Johnson
0:21:08 > 0:21:10on The Andrew Marr Show.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15He drew a conclusion that was pushing interviewing to the very edge.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18And we all enjoyed it enormously.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Shall we see how the interview panned out? It started very well.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Boris Johnson, you may now interrupt. Good morning.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Good morning. How are you? Very, very good, thank you.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28But then he was asked a question.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34The Times let you go after you made up a quote.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Why did you make up a quote?
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Well, uh...
0:21:38 > 0:21:41This... Again, you know, these are... These are...
0:21:41 > 0:21:45These are big terms for... What happened was...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I can tell you the whole thing.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Are you sure our viewers wouldn't want to hear more about...?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54If you don't want to talk about a made-up quote...
0:21:54 > 0:21:56It was a long and lamentable story.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01And from then on, things didn't really improve.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03What does that say about you, Boris Johnson?
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Are you, in fact, making up quotes, lying to your party leader,
0:22:06 > 0:22:09wanting to be a part of someone being physically assaulted -
0:22:09 > 0:22:11you're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Were they chatting afterwards?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17No, what happens after that programme
0:22:17 > 0:22:20is that you're treated to a BBC breakfast.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Boris was nowhere to be seen. And I think he left.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26I think he felt it was discreet to go.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Did you stay? Yes, I did.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Free croissant for pensioners?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE And why not?
0:22:36 > 0:22:39I suspect you took a couple home in your bag.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43So what did Boris say about the interview?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46HE BLUSTERS
0:22:46 > 0:22:49APPLAUSE
0:22:51 > 0:22:52"Is this being recorded?"
0:22:52 > 0:22:54No, he was rather surprised
0:22:54 > 0:22:56because he was expecting to talk about
0:22:56 > 0:23:00how wonderful he was in the documentary, and he got caught out.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01He said... He recovered.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Despite not eating the breakfast with Joan, he went away and,
0:23:04 > 0:23:08being quite clever at it, he said, "Yes, it's brilliant, the BBC.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10"They should really have a go. Why not?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13"If the BBC can't call a terrible old Tory nasty,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16"then what can they do? Ha ha, hooray for me."
0:23:17 > 0:23:19It sort of covered the ground, briefly.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21That's exactly right. He said...
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Yeah, Boris, you tosser!
0:23:35 > 0:23:38LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Not all of Eddie Mair's recent interviews have gone so well.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Here he is, having a casual chat with Sinead O'Connor.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Every interview I see of you drags up all of your past.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Yes, let's not. You're forced to go through all of that.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Tell me how things are now. Good, really good.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57I'm great, I'm wonderful. I'm fantastic. I'm the greatest.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Are you trying to convince me or yourself?
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Nobody, I'm just making idle conversation. Of course.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Until you ask me something interesting.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Well, look, what are we going to hear?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Uh, you mean musically? Yes? Musically?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Brilliant, yeah. We'll hear that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Well, that was the greatest interview I've ever done!
0:24:20 > 0:24:23This is Boris Johnson's bicycle crash of an interview
0:24:23 > 0:24:24with Eddie Mair.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Boris Johnson's father Stanley Johnson was disgusted by the interview and claimed...
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Obviously he's not been following Operation Yewtree.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Referring to his dismissal as a journalist from The Times,
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Eddie Mair asked Boris...
0:24:41 > 0:24:43To which Boris replied...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50We may have made that quote up.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56We've got a new lawyer, have we? Yes. Well done!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04BELL RINGS Yes, Ian?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06It's the Huhnes. And they've gone to jail.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11She took his points for driving, and that was many years ago.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14And then when he left her for his mistress,
0:25:14 > 0:25:17she remembered that he'd broken the law.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21And she was overcome by a great sense of citizenship.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25And went to tell the police, who prosecuted him
0:25:25 > 0:25:28and then prosecuted her, too.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30And here he is, stood outside the court.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Some of these lenses aren't very efficient!
0:25:37 > 0:25:40I think it's a great will-they-won't-they story.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Imagine when they get out, imagine if they get back together!
0:25:46 > 0:25:50"You're going too fast for me, this is all so sudden!"
0:25:50 > 0:25:54I have quite a lot of sympathy for her, because he was a rat.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58But I think you'll find a lot of women feel absolutely outraged
0:25:58 > 0:25:59by what has happened to them.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02They do all sorts of mad and ill-advised things,
0:26:02 > 0:26:06like cutting up their husband's suits or pouring their wine down the drain.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08But...
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I've got some sympathy with that!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13The best wronged wife story I ever heard was,
0:26:13 > 0:26:16she had all of his clothes taken in by an inch and a half.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Did you hear what The Sun had to say about Chris Huhne
0:26:20 > 0:26:22after the sentence was passed?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Yes, he fought his way to the top through the massed ranks
0:26:29 > 0:26:32of literally 11 Lib Dem MPs.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36In her e-mails to the Sunday Times journalist Isabel Oakeshott,
0:26:36 > 0:26:40what did Vicky Pryce say Chris Huhne could never get over?
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Not beating Clegg. Is right, yes.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44She said he never got over the fact
0:26:44 > 0:26:47that he was only very marginally defeated by Nick Clegg,
0:26:47 > 0:26:50and it was partly because Clegg is better looking.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54I have to say, I disagree. Chris Huhne...
0:26:54 > 0:26:56Phwoar.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Cos he's a VERY bad man.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02You'd take his points, wouldn't you?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04I would take his points all day long.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09This is the case of Huhne versus Pryce,
0:27:09 > 0:27:12the chattering classes' answer to The Jeremy Kyle Show.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Chris Huhne was married to Vicky Pryce for 26 years.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18He now has a bisexual lover,
0:27:18 > 0:27:21and when he leaves prison he's also got Carina Trimingham.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25It was a long way to fall for the former deputy leader
0:27:25 > 0:27:28of a political party to end up in Wandsworth Prison.
0:27:28 > 0:27:31With its fearsome reputation for harassment, molestation
0:27:31 > 0:27:33and sexual predators,
0:27:33 > 0:27:37Huhne will be glad to leave the Lib Dem party behind.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Fingers on buzzers, here's your next pie.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46BUZZER Here we go, Paul.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Yes, this is the new Pope.
0:27:47 > 0:27:50We've not had anybody from Latin America before.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53And for the first time in 600 years, there are two Popes in existence.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56This one's very good, he goes everywhere, he travels by bus,
0:27:56 > 0:28:00he doesn't insist on being called the Pope, he's a very humble Pope.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03He travels by bus for free! Yeah.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05If there's two Popes, then presumably he could also give up,
0:28:05 > 0:28:09and then there'd be three Popes. As soon as you've got three Popes, you've got yourself a boy band.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Exactly!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Yes, he lived a very frugal life. According to the Telegraph,
0:28:14 > 0:28:16after realising he wouldn't be going back to Argentina...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Well, you don't want those copies of Kerrang! backing up.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Like the newsagent wouldn't know he'd become Pope!
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Well, I think they were very pleased in Argentina.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Here's a woman reacting to the news that he's become Pope.
0:28:36 > 0:28:43SHE SPEAKS SPANISH
0:28:43 > 0:28:46And here is the reaction in London.
0:28:46 > 0:28:51It's Cardinal Bergoglio from Buenos Aires.
0:28:51 > 0:28:53ALL: Ah!
0:28:54 > 0:28:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:29:02 > 0:29:06David Lammy, the Labour MP, was furious at the BBC's coverage.
0:29:06 > 0:29:07Do we know why?
0:29:07 > 0:29:10Yes, he believed that if they picked a black Pope,
0:29:10 > 0:29:12we would see black smoke coming out the chimney,
0:29:12 > 0:29:15and if it was white smoke, we'd see a white Pope.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17He didn't understand this thing
0:29:17 > 0:29:19that's been going on for 2,000 years.
0:29:19 > 0:29:23Exactly right, yes. He was annoyed by a BBC News tweet that said...
0:29:25 > 0:29:27And he responded...
0:29:35 > 0:29:38Do we know why the Popes take a different name
0:29:38 > 0:29:39when they are elected?
0:29:39 > 0:29:41To protect the innocent.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47It dates back to 533 AD,
0:29:47 > 0:29:53when the new Pope thought his name, Mercurius, was too Pagan-sounding.
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Although his next choice, Bi-curious,
0:29:55 > 0:29:56caused even more problems.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01As well as a new Pope, we also have a new Archbishop of Canterbury.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04According to The Times, he marked his enthronement by saying...
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Nice to see him reaching out to Catholic priests.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17Time now for the odd one out round. One between you this week.
0:30:17 > 0:30:21Your four are North Korea's military macinations,
0:30:21 > 0:30:23A Landscape Of Lies and...
0:30:23 > 0:30:26Oh, blimey. The pictures are going so fast.
0:30:28 > 0:30:31North Korea's military macinations. Machinations?
0:30:31 > 0:30:34Yes, that's right, thank you.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37I just thought I'd missed the new word, macination.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39You need elocution lessons. I do.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43North Korea's military macinations...
0:30:43 > 0:30:45HE LAUGHS
0:30:46 > 0:30:49North Korea's military machinations. Yeah.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51BELL RINGS
0:30:51 > 0:30:53Hislop, Morning College, Oxford.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59APPLAUSE
0:30:59 > 0:31:03Is it machinations? Mach, like mash. North Korea's military macinations.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05Machinations.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:11 > 0:31:13I've got it - what about manoeuvres?
0:31:15 > 0:31:19North Korea's military manoeuvrings,
0:31:19 > 0:31:22A Landscape Of Lies starring Andrea Maclean,
0:31:22 > 0:31:27mourners in Braintree, Essex, and John Lewis' daffodils.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30BELL RINGS Ian. This is to do with faking it.
0:31:30 > 0:31:34Because the North Koreans had a big military exercise
0:31:34 > 0:31:37of amphibious vehicles and released photographs
0:31:37 > 0:31:40of this brilliant, frightening event
0:31:40 > 0:31:43and they'd Photoshopped about half of them in
0:31:43 > 0:31:45to try and make it look better,
0:31:45 > 0:31:48because we're meant to think North Korea's incredibly scary.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51Maybe most of North Korea's arms are made of Lego.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55We shouldn't let on we know. That's the key.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57JOAN: They watch the programme.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59RICHARD: Because they're Photoshopping -
0:31:59 > 0:32:01they've only just got Photoshop in North Korea -
0:32:01 > 0:32:03they are going to think, "It's unbelievable.
0:32:03 > 0:32:06"Looks like this massive army, all these missiles. This'll fool them."
0:32:06 > 0:32:09I'd rather they had Photoshop than soldiers.
0:32:09 > 0:32:12You should be at the Pentagon.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16Who says I'm not, Ian? Exactly.
0:32:16 > 0:32:17So, yeah, what's the odd one out?
0:32:17 > 0:32:20Right, this doesn't look very convincing here
0:32:20 > 0:32:22as a piece of grieving, does it? It looks highly acted.
0:32:22 > 0:32:26Is it actors doing it? Oh, they hired some mourners?
0:32:26 > 0:32:28They're not real mourners? That could well be right.
0:32:28 > 0:32:29So which is the odd one out?
0:32:29 > 0:32:32The John Lewis daffodils are fantastic. They look like daffodils,
0:32:32 > 0:32:35but you don't have to do anything and they don't die.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Well, because I don't know who she is, or what she's doing,
0:32:37 > 0:32:40I think she must be the odd one out. That's our answer.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42RICHARD: You don't know who Andrea McLean is? JOAN: No.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45I'm on the wrong show.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47She's a Loose... a Loose Woman. Loose Women.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Well, if you are in the House of Lords, I would expect you to know.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54Because what if it comes up?
0:32:54 > 0:32:58It's not a quiz, the House of Lords.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01Oh, yes, it is. They have debates... Oh, you'd be surprised.
0:33:01 > 0:33:05There was a big issue last week when we were pressing for an amendment.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07We were likely... Labour, with the Lib Dems,
0:33:07 > 0:33:09were likely to defeat the Tories.
0:33:09 > 0:33:15They ran Skyfall in a room upstairs, so the lords were occupied.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18They all came in and were given this film to watch,
0:33:18 > 0:33:21and then when the bell went they all turned out in the lobby and defeated us.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24It is an old people's home, isn't it?
0:33:25 > 0:33:29They are all fake apart from the film A Landscape Of Lies,
0:33:29 > 0:33:32which, unbeknown to its star, Andrea McLean,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35was intended to be a tax dodge never to be made,
0:33:35 > 0:33:39but ended up having to be made to throw the authorities off the scent.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42How did they pull the wool over the taxman's eyes?
0:33:42 > 0:33:44Well, they made a little bit of it. You weren't in it.
0:33:44 > 0:33:46I wasn't in it, no.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48I did go up for it, but...
0:33:48 > 0:33:51No, it's a bit like Argo, if you've seen that film.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53They faked scripts, they forged documents.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56They claimed the film would star Hollywood A-listers
0:33:56 > 0:33:58such as Jeremy Irons and his wife Sinead Cusack.
0:33:58 > 0:34:02North Korea's latest...warmongering.
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Well done.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08Joking aside, North Korea has been threatening an all-out nuclear war.
0:34:08 > 0:34:12Anyone worried about that? No. No, Richard's not worried. Good.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14That somehow makes me feel better. You know what?
0:34:14 > 0:34:17Either it's not going to happen, in which case it's not a story,
0:34:17 > 0:34:20or it is going to happen, in which case this isn't going to go out,
0:34:20 > 0:34:23so... Needn't detain ourselves, need we?
0:34:23 > 0:34:26It's a win-win, almost. Yeah.
0:34:26 > 0:34:28That's the way to look at it.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31Win-win, of course, is North Korea's head of defence.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36Grieving relatives in Braintree in Essex,
0:34:36 > 0:34:39who are worried their loved ones won't attract mourners
0:34:39 > 0:34:42at their funeral can now hire professional fake mourners.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Do you know why you might need to rent a mourner?
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Well, because you haven't got any friends.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Yes, that's absolutely right.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52?45 for one mourner for two hours is the going rate.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55What else do they throw in for your ?45?
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Croissants.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01JOAN: Costume. They might well bring their own clothes.
0:35:01 > 0:35:03Right, well, I'm sure, hopefully.
0:35:03 > 0:35:06You don't want naked mourners at your friend's funeral.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09According to the founder, Ian Robertson...
0:35:23 > 0:35:24I love talking
0:35:24 > 0:35:27about people's failures at their funeral, don't you?
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Was it his first time driving a forklift truck?
0:35:30 > 0:35:33LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:35:35 > 0:35:38On the subject of fakery, can anyone tell me
0:35:38 > 0:35:41what the scandal is lurking in this clip?
0:35:41 > 0:35:44Uh, Imelda Staunton and John Cleese would have scored you three points.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Timothy Spall, John Hurt and Jason Isaacs all would have scored two.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49Richard, 'fess up. What's happening there?
0:35:49 > 0:35:52What have you been doing, Richard? I literally haven't got a clue.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Are you not reading? Is there nothing on that laptop?
0:35:55 > 0:35:56Oh, that's fakery, is it?
0:35:56 > 0:36:00Yeah, I have a laptop, but it's not on. It's not on.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02It doesn't exist, but, to be fair, people are always shocked.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05I've done 520-odd episodes, I've never looked at it once.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07I thought you were reading stuff out.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09But you were doing it from your head.
0:36:09 > 0:36:12You're trying to look thicker than you are.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Yeah, you know, it's bloody hard.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21They are all fake apart from the film A Landscape Of Lies,
0:36:21 > 0:36:24which unbeknown to its star Andrea McLean,
0:36:24 > 0:36:27was intended to be a tax dodge never to be made,
0:36:27 > 0:36:30but ended up having to be made to throw the authorities off the scent.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32After Andrea McLean had filmed one scene,
0:36:32 > 0:36:34the former GMTV weather girl said...
0:36:37 > 0:36:41So yet another wildly inaccurate forecast.
0:36:41 > 0:36:44North Korea has been accused of Photoshopping
0:36:44 > 0:36:46an image of their military gearing up for war.
0:36:46 > 0:36:51The photo was released from North Korea's capital Pyongyang.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Coincidentally, the noise made by the rubber band
0:36:53 > 0:36:55on their nuclear missile launchers.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58Time now for the missing words round,
0:36:58 > 0:37:01which this week features as its guest publication
0:37:01 > 0:37:04Paperweight Collectors Circle.
0:37:04 > 0:37:05You can't miss it in the shops -
0:37:05 > 0:37:08it's always on top of all the other magazines.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10And we start with...
0:37:13 > 0:37:16I think I know this one. Arthur Rubloff's Ass Is Hot.
0:37:19 > 0:37:24Is that in the personal section of Paperweight Circle?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26It's the wrong answer, but don't stop!
0:37:27 > 0:37:31Arthur Rubloff's collection of paperweights is unique.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34Is almost right! I'm going to give you that.
0:37:37 > 0:37:38Next...
0:37:42 > 0:37:44Is it Farmer Using Rock To Press Ham
0:37:44 > 0:37:46Doesn't Understand The Rules Of Rock, Paper, Scissors?
0:37:48 > 0:37:53Discovers It's A Meteorite? Is the right answer. Oh, brilliant.
0:38:01 > 0:38:05And then uses it as a paperweight.
0:38:05 > 0:38:06The Spanish farmer who owns it
0:38:06 > 0:38:09hasn't decided yet what he'll buy with the money.
0:38:09 > 0:38:10Possibly Spain.
0:38:14 > 0:38:15Next...
0:38:17 > 0:38:20Seeks Similar. Must Have Good Sense Of Humour.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24I think I know this one. It's a fashion thing, isn't it?
0:38:24 > 0:38:27So, like, the latest fashion or something, you wear it essentially.
0:38:27 > 0:38:28Yes, is the right answer.
0:38:28 > 0:38:32This is the news that hagfish slime may be the clothes of the future.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36BBC News interviewed hagfish expert Tim Winegard...
0:38:42 > 0:38:46And the good news is, ladies, he's still single.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48Next...
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Wedge. Tee.
0:38:54 > 0:38:56It's not a tricky 12-incher, is it?
0:38:59 > 0:39:01A birdie. An eagle. An eagle!
0:39:01 > 0:39:04That would be a good story. It might be owl.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06He takes an owl in his pants?
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Yeah. RICHARD: A two-week holiday?
0:39:11 > 0:39:12The answer is...
0:39:14 > 0:39:16Next...
0:39:19 > 0:39:21RICHARD: Is it Ian?
0:39:23 > 0:39:25APPLAUSE
0:39:25 > 0:39:27It's not human.
0:39:27 > 0:39:29A flea. A seal.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32A sea lion is the right answer. That was a good guess.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34A Sea Lion Has Rhythm And A Taste For Disco Music.
0:39:34 > 0:39:35Let's watch her.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:39:42 > 0:39:46Will it do something else? Is that it? That's all she does, yeah.
0:39:46 > 0:39:49That is the third time you've shown that Ed Balls clip now!
0:39:51 > 0:39:53So, the final scores are,
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Richard and Paul have a very creditable seven,
0:39:55 > 0:39:58but this week's winners are Joan and Ian on 11 points.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01APPLAUSE
0:40:09 > 0:40:13But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.
0:40:13 > 0:40:15Is it Cabinet can finally meet in peace
0:40:15 > 0:40:18as George Osborne enjoys the activity table?
0:40:23 > 0:40:26Osborne finds final nail, searches for coffin?
0:40:26 > 0:40:29LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:40:34 > 0:40:37On which note we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:37 > 0:40:40and Joan Bakewell, Paul Merton and Richard Osman.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43And I leave you with news that in West London
0:40:43 > 0:40:46a journalist from Hello! Magazine waits to interview Richard Osman
0:40:46 > 0:40:47in his lovely new home.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54Having been found guilty of tax evasion,
0:40:54 > 0:40:56one man learns that his cell will overlook
0:40:56 > 0:40:58the women's prison next door.
0:41:01 > 0:41:05And as presenters gather to mark the closing of TV Centre,
0:41:05 > 0:41:08John Sergeant bravely faces the world after an attack of mumps.
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Goodnight.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52A few words for level? We're filming Pointless at the moment,
0:41:52 > 0:41:56we did one yesterday, and we had a round on famous assassinations.
0:41:56 > 0:41:59The easy question was, "This person was shot in Dallas by Lee Harvey Oswald."
0:41:59 > 0:42:03So we get to the end of the round, the woman goes, "I'll go for the obvious one."
0:42:03 > 0:42:05She goes, "It's JR Ewing."
0:42:05 > 0:42:08Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd