0:00:03 > 0:00:06Good evening. Following last week's disgraceful display from Ian Hislop,
0:00:06 > 0:00:08the BBC have insisted he has to have
0:00:08 > 0:00:09a vicar sitting next to him tonight...
0:00:11 > 0:00:14At all times! ..lest he be tempted...
0:00:14 > 0:00:16to befoul the air.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18So BLEEP watch it!
0:00:18 > 0:00:23LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:51APPLAUSE
0:00:51 > 0:00:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08I'm Mel Giedroyc and in the news this week...
0:01:08 > 0:01:12history is made in St Ives as a seven-year-old becomes
0:01:12 > 0:01:15the first person in Cornwall to get a decent mobile phone signal.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23As their election battle bus arrives in Leicester, UKIP Party workers
0:01:23 > 0:01:27prepare to meet people from all ethnic backgrounds.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35And at the end of a chartered flight to Stansted,
0:01:35 > 0:01:39the pilot starts to regret letting James Corden sit in the cockpit.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48On Paul's team tonight is a comedian
0:01:48 > 0:01:51who, as a child in Newcastle, used to unicycle to school.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Well, that's the North East for you.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Somebody nicks your front wheel, what else can you do?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Please welcome Ross Noble.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Thank you.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Is that true? Yes.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05They nicked your wheel? Yeah.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08And with Ian tonight, whilst one of The Communards continued to
0:02:08 > 0:02:10trawl the gay bars, dressing outrageously
0:02:10 > 0:02:13and playing synthpop, the other left to become a vicar,
0:02:13 > 0:02:16and they've been reunited this evening...
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Please welcome...
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Please welcome the Reverend Richard Coles.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:25 > 0:02:28APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:02:29 > 0:02:32And we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Ian and Richard, take a look at this.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Yes, UKIP.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39That's Ken Clarke. Clash of the titans.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42There's that nice man with the Poundland umbrella.
0:02:42 > 0:02:46He's arriving at Transylvania to meet his latest vetted candidate.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52Well, you may laugh, but by the time this goes out,
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Nigel Farage will be Prime Minister.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59He's got a bloody cheek calling himself "Farage"
0:02:59 > 0:03:01because that's French. He should be called "Forridge".
0:03:01 > 0:03:05He should be forced. But that's the problem. Kenneth Clarke...
0:03:05 > 0:03:08The Tories were scared UKIP would take all their seats,
0:03:08 > 0:03:10so Kenneth Clown...
0:03:10 > 0:03:14LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Thank goodness it wasn't Jeremy Hunt.
0:03:21 > 0:03:25We're looking for you to raise the tone this week!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29I meant to say Kenneth Clarke. Yes. He described UKIP as clowns.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Yes, he did. Everyone is focused on them,
0:03:31 > 0:03:33but it may be that other things happened.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34There were some other parties.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Apparently the Labour Party was standing in some seats.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I've heard of them. We don't know how well they've done.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42There was a very interesting candidate...
0:03:42 > 0:03:45There was a chap, a UKIP guy, I think it was in Gloucestershire,
0:03:45 > 0:03:47who helpfully volunteered this week
0:03:47 > 0:03:51that physical exercise prevents homosexuality.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Have you run away from them?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Well, he hasn't been in a gym in Soho for a while!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01I'll shut up now, shall I? No, you're good.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04No, more about those gay bars in Soho, I think.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07That's the whole point of getting a vicar on!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13First-hand knowledge!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20You've just reminded me, I did have a very tricky encounter.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23There's a beach in Norfolk, North Norfolk, Holkham Beach,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25which is favoured by naturists.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28In a previous existence, I thought it might be quite fun to try that,
0:04:28 > 0:04:31and unfortunately bumped into my archdeacon.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34And was he arch?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Ross, you'd be arch after that, believe me.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42The wind can whistle in from the North Sea, blow up the sa... Oh, dear.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Who voted?
0:04:45 > 0:04:49I... Not many! Big vote for the Apathy Party.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Is that it? You can't all have come from London!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54ROSS: Has this turned into Question Time?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Yes, that lady over there, in the back.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Please explain why you live in London!
0:05:02 > 0:05:06There was talk that UKIP were going to have to buy in policies.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Did you see this?
0:05:07 > 0:05:10They were going to buy in policies from a right-wing think-tank.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13That's brilliant, the idea of just some bloke in a pub going,
0:05:13 > 0:05:17"I've got your foreign policy there. Do you want more in the...?"
0:05:17 > 0:05:20So I'm going to start my own right-wing think-tank.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23My first one, right, gay marriage is allowed, right?
0:05:23 > 0:05:27But the honeymoon has to be you go and destroy a wind farm.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Be careful, you're going to get in.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Whenever he gets interviewed, if I was interviewing him, I'd go,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38(FRENCH ACCENT) "Mr Farage!
0:05:38 > 0:05:39(FRENCH ACCENT) Nigel!
0:05:39 > 0:05:42"Oh, I do like your rushes!"
0:05:42 > 0:05:46People have been voting, so let's hear from one UKIP supporter.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Who do you normally vote for? UKIP. I did last time as well, yeah.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Before that? I don't think I voted before that, to be honest. Really?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57So UKIP has made you into a voter? Yeah, really, I suppose, yeah.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59But do you think they are a serious contender
0:05:59 > 0:06:01to become the government of this country?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03No, not in the slightest.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11How did Nigel "Forridge" hit back?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14He said the Tories were trying to smear them
0:06:14 > 0:06:16and there may be some lunatics in their party,
0:06:16 > 0:06:19but, you know, they've only just started,
0:06:19 > 0:06:20they can't spot all of them.
0:06:20 > 0:06:25They don't have the resources to find men doing that on Facebook.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Can we have a look at that?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29This is a photo that Alex Wood, who's the candidate
0:06:29 > 0:06:33for Blackmore Vale in Somerset, put up on his own Facebook page.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Here he is.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37They said, "That shows you are fascist."
0:06:37 > 0:06:42He said, "No, I was trying to stop someone taking a picture of me
0:06:42 > 0:06:45"cos I was about to eat the plant."
0:06:46 > 0:06:50That's absolutely right, Ian. It's a Nazi salute, isn't it?
0:06:50 > 0:06:54And he also turned and said, "What would I look like with a moustache?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57"And... Hey, no, get away. Get away."
0:06:58 > 0:07:02How did UKIP's committee chairman in Somerset, Dorothy Baker,
0:07:02 > 0:07:03react to all of this?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Are we being paid by UKIP?
0:07:06 > 0:07:12That's not even Kent, where we come from! Did you take into account the parking scheme in Cranbrook?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16No, I just went, "Which of these people aren't full of hate? Oh, them!"
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Did you, Ian?
0:07:20 > 0:07:25Oh, lorries, parking... No, it's pretty big stuff!
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Well, Dorothy... This should be renamed Have I Got Local News For You.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34It's like, "A Sainsbury's in the Loughborough area...
0:07:34 > 0:07:36"Planning consent has been given."
0:07:36 > 0:07:39We had... We had a sort of... There was a big political debate
0:07:39 > 0:07:43so there were candidates from the Tories, Labour and UKIP
0:07:43 > 0:07:44at the infant school in my parish today.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47We started having a political debate, but then it got
0:07:47 > 0:07:51subsumed into a discussion about Mr and Mrs Paris's wisteria.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Aw!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Was the UKIP guy going, "Wisteria, that will grow at least, oh,
0:07:55 > 0:07:59"there, there, could be there...
0:07:59 > 0:08:01"Oh, I've done it again!"
0:08:01 > 0:08:03That's right.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Dorothy Baker said...
0:08:09 > 0:08:12You could be Dorothy Baker and talk bollocks.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17If all this wasn't enough of an indication of "Nigelle" Farage's
0:08:17 > 0:08:20lack of judgment, he was photographed with this.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29Oh, God. I can feel the circulation dropping.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Yours or the magazine's?
0:08:33 > 0:08:34According to The Times,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37what's missing from the UKIP party on a massive scale?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40They're not getting enough publicity on the BBC.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46APPLAUSE
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Is it a humorous, comical mascot?
0:08:50 > 0:08:56What would it be, what would they have? A bulldog with a pint.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57And a Romanian in a headlock.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02That's like a Churchill ad you don't want to see!
0:09:02 > 0:09:05"Are you going home?" "Oh, yes!"
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Well, apparently it's money.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14They need to find ?120 billion to fund
0:09:14 > 0:09:18the pledges in their election manifesto, which include...
0:09:26 > 0:09:29..and top of the agenda...
0:09:31 > 0:09:34You can see why people vote for them!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36But you have Tory ministers literally saying,
0:09:36 > 0:09:40"I've looked at your proposals and the country cannot afford this,"
0:09:40 > 0:09:44instead of saying, "They're not going to get in, it doesn't matter."
0:09:44 > 0:09:46If they've got in, I'll feel very silly.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48That'll be the least of our problems, I think.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54What has Ed Miliband done ten times this week?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58He keeps telling people he's the leader of the Labour Party.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Is it avoiding a question? Yes, did you just look at the card, Ross?
0:10:03 > 0:10:07You did slightly. Look, one, I can't see it from there. Two, I can't read.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09OK.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13He's avoided answering the question on Radio 4's The World At One
0:10:13 > 0:10:16about Labour's spending plans and he's also been out on the streets
0:10:16 > 0:10:20to do Q A sessions while standing on a pallet.
0:10:20 > 0:10:24So let's see if he impressed voters in Crawley.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26He wants to be Prime Minister. Oh, does he? Of Crawley?
0:10:26 > 0:10:32No, no, Prime Minister of the country. Oh, Jesus!
0:10:32 > 0:10:38She said, "Of Crawley." Yes, she did say Prime Minister of Crawley.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Anyway, Crawley is lovely. I worked in a plastics factory there, once.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Oh, did you? They've got an excellent retail park in Crawley.
0:10:47 > 0:10:53They do! They have a lovely bowling alley there, excellent Nandos, and in the summer, they have
0:10:53 > 0:10:55trampolines outdoors for the kiddies!
0:10:55 > 0:10:59So you can jump up and down and see somewhere further than Crawley!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06OK, and why was Sunday declared Ed Balls day?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Oh, he was Googling himself and then he tweeted his name
0:11:09 > 0:11:13and then everyone did a thing on...
0:11:13 > 0:11:18He'd meant to type his name into a search engine but he tweeted it by mistake.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23And to mark the day, thousands of Twitter users tweeted his name,
0:11:23 > 0:11:26and some went just that little bit further.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31That's a service update on a London Underground sign. And this one.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33There we go.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36And last but not least, this one.
0:11:39 > 0:11:43That's genuinely frightening.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45This is Thursday's local elections.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47UKIP suspended their candidate Alex Wood
0:11:47 > 0:11:49who was pictured making a Nazi salute.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Mr Wood tried to explain away the photo saying...
0:11:57 > 0:12:00The very excuse Hermann Goering used at the Nuremberg Trials.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Ken Clarke struck out at UKIP this week.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11..said the fat man with the red nose in the ridiculous shoes.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Paul and Ross, have a look at this. Absolutely. What is it?
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Oh, yes, it's bees.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Bees have been affected by certain insecticides, they think.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22The bee population is very important because they pollinate
0:12:22 > 0:12:25all the flowers and without them we would all die, so they are
0:12:25 > 0:12:28going to be a bit more careful about the stuff the pump into fields.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Tiptop. This is the news, of course,
0:12:31 > 0:12:33that bees may be saved by a pesticide ban.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Which pesticides in particular, do we know? Neonicotinoids.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Neonicotinoids, absolutely.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Some of them, these neonicotinoids,
0:12:40 > 0:12:43are made by the German pharmaceutical company, Bayer.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46So who opposed the ban? Spiders. We do.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Wasps. Wasps and bees really hate each other cos they're very similar.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Wasps are a lot thinner, though, aren't they?
0:12:52 > 0:12:53They are thinner and they hate that
0:12:53 > 0:12:56cos they see bees as being full of the fat of the land. Yes.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00Bees are sort of Fern Britton and wasps are sort of... Lorraine Chase.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Lorraine Chase, exactly.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Yeah, but then Fern Britton lost all the weight, didn't she?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Now she's a wasp! So she's a wasp, she's gone bee to wasp.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I think I'm a bee, I'm definitely... She might go back to being a bee.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Yeah, Oprah is bee, wasp, bee, wasp, bee, wasp, isn't she?
0:13:13 > 0:13:19That's how the DNA is written out, yeah. I'm a bee. Ian, bee or wasp?
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Wasp all the way! Are you?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Yeah, I love picnics. I don't see you as a wasp!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Bee or not a bee, that is the question.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33AUDIENCE GROANS Shut your faces.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36You can't blame them for that. That's true. That is true.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39They're only being honest. Ian, you were absolutely right
0:13:39 > 0:13:42when you said that WE are opposing the ban.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Well, not us, our ministers. Not us five.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Owen Paterson, he voted against.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48He's not convinced by the evidence.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51He said we need to do more tests and the other people said,
0:13:51 > 0:13:55"Well, if it IS the pesticides, then we'll have some crops,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57"but if we wait too long,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00"there won't be any crops left at all or any bees
0:14:00 > 0:14:01"and we will all die,
0:14:01 > 0:14:04"so why not take the slightly less risky option?"
0:14:04 > 0:14:07But the EU has done it, so they've banned these pesticides,
0:14:07 > 0:14:09so it's very good news. Yes.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14Some British scientists think that the science just isn't proven.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Although, to be fair,
0:14:21 > 0:14:26that was Dr Julian Little from Bayer UK's bee-killing unit.
0:14:29 > 0:14:33And who is opposing him? Bees! All of them!
0:14:33 > 0:14:38The British Beekeepers Association. Yes, or Winnie-the-Pooh. Yes.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42Winnie-the-Pooh and the Honey Monster have got together.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45"We've got to do something about this!" "Oh, yes."
0:14:45 > 0:14:49But the Honey Monster was Winnie-the-Pooh's dealer.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51All the fresh honey.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53"How do you like it? Runny?"
0:14:53 > 0:14:55It's Dr Geraldine Wright
0:14:55 > 0:14:57from Newcastle University's bee department.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01And... Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you know her?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04When I was a kid, we were always down the bee department.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09It was like a rubbish zoo. "Can we see the tigers?"
0:15:09 > 0:15:10"Yeah, they're very small...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13.."and they can fly.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16"Dad, are these bees?" "Shut up. No, they're not."
0:15:17 > 0:15:22I'm so sorry, Ross, I did that really annoying thing of "Oh, you're from up there,
0:15:22 > 0:15:24"do you know Geraldine Wright?"
0:15:24 > 0:15:27We all live in one big house up there!
0:15:27 > 0:15:32But the thing is, I had to move down south because they used my bedroom to set up the Bee Department!
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Geraldine Wright from Newcastle University's bee department says...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45So you've got confused bees?
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Yes! They're just going, "What's meant to come out my arse?
0:15:49 > 0:15:55"is it honey? Is it Marmite? You ask them who the queen is, they've got no idea.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58AUDIENCE: Aww! Thank you very much!
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I didn't get that! The queen bee. Oh, the queen bee! Sorry, sorry, Ian!
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Sorry! Not the actual, like, the Queen.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Did you think our monarch is sitting there on ceremonial occasions
0:16:09 > 0:16:13and in that big carriage she's just dribbling honey out of her?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh, dear!
0:16:16 > 0:16:21Oh, god! No wonder Prince Philip's got that look on his face!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Who else should take the blame for bee deaths?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28It's not just human beings.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Themselves. They bring it on themselves. Suicidal?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35It's very hard to hang yourself if you've got the ability to fly.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40They have to shoot down and go, "Ugh!"
0:16:40 > 0:16:42"No!"
0:16:42 > 0:16:45There's also the varroa mite, which is to blame for bee deaths.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Do you want to have a look at the varroa mite?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Look at that, bastard.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Shall we have a quick bee quiz? Yes, please. Right, brilliant!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56I thought you'd never ask! Fingers on BUZZERS!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59AUDIENCE GROANS
0:16:59 > 0:17:02This is all based on a Daily Mail interview with Dave Goulson.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05You know Dave, he introduced the shorthaired bumblebee to Kent.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Of course he did! Kent, the shorthaired bumblebee.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Shorthaired bumblebee, this is Kent.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Surrey is over there, I'll introduce you later.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Who does Dave Goulson blame
0:17:17 > 0:17:20for the bumblebee's 20th-century extinction from Britain?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22BUZZER
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Kirk Douglas. No, Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler? Adolf Hitler,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28because the Dig For Victory campaign in World War II
0:17:28 > 0:17:32caused hedges to be dug up and wild flowers destroyed for crop planting.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Right, fingers on buzzers. BUZZER
0:17:37 > 0:17:38That's fingers on buzzers!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Is the next question, what noise does a bee make?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44BUZZER Good, excellent.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49How does a bee pronounce the name Kirk Douglas? BUZZER
0:17:49 > 0:17:52Why do bumblebees' feet smell?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54BELL Richard?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56I've no idea. No idea?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Ross? You can be agnostic about bees. I'm Church of England!
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Oh, sorry. He who would valiant BEE.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05GROANING Shut your faces!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I'll come over there...
0:18:08 > 0:18:09He'll come over there
0:18:09 > 0:18:12and tell you another joke if you don't behave yourselves.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Why do bumblebees' feet smell? I don't know.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19OK, in order to tell other bees that a flower may not have nectar.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22The bumblebee drinks the nectar, pollinates the flower
0:18:22 > 0:18:25and its feet leave a smell on the petals. Yes, absolutely true.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Lovely. Why is mating hazardous for the male honeybee? On buzzers.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31BUZZER Good. Ross?
0:18:31 > 0:18:34They shouldn't do it on buzzers.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37They should be on a sort of twig or a bit of leaf somewhere.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Well, according to Dave Goulson...
0:18:51 > 0:18:55There is no upside to that, is there?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Right, would you like to know how Dave Goulson caught his first bee?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Is this a bee quiz or a Dave Goulson quiz?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06Come on, we're still in the quiz. We've certainly hit the big issues tonight!
0:19:06 > 0:19:08UKIP and Dave Goulson!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11I can give you the question again. Yes, please.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Would you like to know how Dave Goulson caught his first bees? Yes, I would.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Is that the correct answer? Yes. Good. But you didn't buzz!
0:19:18 > 0:19:19BUZZER Good.
0:19:19 > 0:19:23Yes, I would. Excellent. This is the most fun I've ever had on this show.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Goulson said, this is Dave Goulson. Go on, Dave! Come on, Dave!
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Speak it as it is! He said:
0:19:49 > 0:19:52But worse than that, his mum was still wearing the stockings at the time!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Now, what have bee experts discovered in Colombia?
0:19:55 > 0:20:00A massive bee, a huge bee. It's actually the world's tiniest wasp.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03There it is. He's got a big hand for tiny wasp!
0:20:05 > 0:20:10It's called T nana. Where is it? It's so tiny you can't see it, Ian.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12How do they know it's been discovered?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15It's not just a man with an empty hand, saying,
0:20:15 > 0:20:16"Here we are, going to name it after me."
0:20:16 > 0:20:22And today's tiny wasp fact is, if you laid 60 of these T nanas end to end
0:20:22 > 0:20:24they would equal the length of one ordinary wasp.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27Shall we talk about horses? Yes!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Apparently, scientists have been saying that they are lazy.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35So what was the experiment that they conducted that concluded that these horses were blooming lazy?
0:20:35 > 0:20:40Oh, did they put a jockey with them and they tried to climb on the jockey's back?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42"Go on, you do it this time!"
0:20:42 > 0:20:45No, they were offered the choice of two pathways,
0:20:45 > 0:20:49one to a track where they trotted for two laps, and one for one lap.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Most of the horses who expressed a preference chose the single lap.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57What's the problem with this research? It's all made up.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Well...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01As one commentator on a peer review website put it:
0:21:12 > 0:21:16In order to control the transportation of horses, horse passports have been introduced.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Of course the photo in a horse's passport has to be glued in,
0:21:20 > 0:21:23ironically using some of its pals.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Well, in other dying-animals news,
0:21:26 > 0:21:31what is Brian May's latest attempt to stop the badger cull?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33BELL He's adopted badgers? No.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36He's married one?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39He's made a song about it. Do you want to have a...? Yes.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43# Oh, no, a cull!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47# Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger, badger
0:21:47 > 0:21:49# Save the badgers
0:21:49 > 0:21:53# Badger, badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger
0:21:53 > 0:21:56# Save the badgers
0:21:56 > 0:22:00# Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger... #
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And what you can't see is Ben Elton is in the audience, going,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05"It's going to make a great musical."
0:22:07 > 0:22:11This is the good news for bees in the form of an EU ban on pesticides.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13According to one top beekeeper...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19..and roughly two million Nectar points
0:22:19 > 0:22:22to get a free pot off Sainsbury's.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25APPLAUSE
0:22:25 > 0:22:29And so to round two and it's welcome to the pithivier of news.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Here's the first spin.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37BUZZER The earth, all of the pollution of the earth
0:22:37 > 0:22:40is spreading out into the solar system.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43You're in the right... In the right solar system. In the right territory.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Is it a thing, is it a thing to turn...
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Yes, that's it(!) It's a thing that turns!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52It's a thing that turns! I wondered what that wheel was.
0:22:52 > 0:22:57This is the news that 1,900 million years ago planet Earth smelled like rotten eggs.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00According to Professor Brazier, the process:
0:23:03 > 0:23:07What? Were you making a fart noise? No, I was moving.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Moving in my chair. What do you think, I can just fart on command?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15It's a chat up line where he's from!
0:23:15 > 0:23:19"Ah, Monsieur Petomane!" FAKES FART SOUND
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Now, on the subject of smells, what is special about this shirt?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27it sort of cleans itself, it never stinks, the bacteria sort of,
0:23:27 > 0:23:31because it's not sweat that smells, it's the bacteria drawn to the sweat,
0:23:31 > 0:23:35the bacteria can't survive in the shirt so it will never need washing.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38You are amazing. Yes, it is a new shirt which its makers
0:23:38 > 0:23:41claim can be worn for 100 days straight without getting stinky,
0:23:41 > 0:23:44100 days straight, then 100 days gay, then it's up to you.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48According to the Telegraph, the company claims to have invented:
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Or as its known by students, a shirt.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Here we go, another spin on the pithivier of news.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05BUZZER There we go, right.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07This is the President of the United States.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Every year they have the Washington Correspondents' Dinner
0:24:09 > 0:24:12and in the last few years, the President will make a speech
0:24:12 > 0:24:16where he is allowed to sort of make funny remarks and make jokes.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18They used to have comedians come on and address them...
0:24:18 > 0:24:21But when George W Bush was President, they didn't need a comedian.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25Ohhh! Cutting! He opened his library, did you see?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29That was this week. George W Bush... All those colouring books!
0:24:31 > 0:24:35I was on tour with The Style Council once and Steve White, the drummer,
0:24:35 > 0:24:38lovely chap, he was staying in this posh hotel in Scotland
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and it was an old castle and we walked into the library,
0:24:40 > 0:24:43which was full of books and Steve White said,
0:24:43 > 0:24:44"Blimey, what a lot of videos!"
0:24:47 > 0:24:49This is the news that Barack Obama
0:24:49 > 0:24:51sported a new look to host this year's White House...
0:24:51 > 0:24:54This is his wife's hairstyle, isn't it? Absolutely.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Here they are, side by side.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Have you ever wondered what other famous men
0:25:00 > 0:25:04would look like with their wives' hair? Yes, I have. Good.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06John Prescott and Pauline Prescott. Yes!
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Thanks to the Express, you're in luck.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12There we go, brilliant.
0:25:12 > 0:25:16That's really weird cos Prescott actually looks like my mum!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Do you want to see another one? Looks like Planet Of The Apes.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25Strange! Here's David Cameron with Samantha's hair.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Here's Richard and Judy.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35And look, here's Prince Philip and the Queen.
0:25:39 > 0:25:44He looks like George III. Yes! It's a brilliant look!
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Fantastic! David Furnish has also been seen with Elton John's hair,
0:25:47 > 0:25:50but that was due to a sudden gust of wind.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54Would you like to see a caterpillar that looks like Donald Trump?
0:25:56 > 0:25:59This is brilliant, it's the larva of the flannel moth,
0:25:59 > 0:26:05which does look absolutely the same as Donald Trump's hair. Fantastic.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I feel it's time for another spin of the pithivier of news. Absolutely.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16BUZZER This is Reginald who was on last week.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20He got booked to appear at the Professional Football Association's
0:26:20 > 0:26:24annual dinner and they weren't entirely happy with what he did.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28Yes, totally right. The PFA chairman Clarke Carlisle,
0:26:28 > 0:26:31was shocked at Hunter's frequent use of the N-word,
0:26:31 > 0:26:33but admitted the PFA had made the booking
0:26:33 > 0:26:35and should take responsibility, adding...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Steady on, this isn't Alabama.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43And what do the PFA want to do now?
0:26:43 > 0:26:46They want him to give the money back, don't they? Do they? Yeah.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Let's look at it this way.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51He is being talked about now and Reg is on tour at the moment,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53so win-win.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57Give the cash back, take the publicity, thanks very much. Bosh!
0:26:59 > 0:27:01I don't think he's German.
0:27:01 > 0:27:06A PA chief executive, Bobby Barnes, told the Mirror that they wanted to get their money back.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Bobby Barnes?
0:27:07 > 0:27:11It sounds like... Could he be any more stereotypically of football?
0:27:11 > 0:27:15"Here's Bobby Barnes now, here he is, the plucky young defender."
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Bobby Barnes said:
0:27:19 > 0:27:21So once again, the black man has to work for free.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24GROANS
0:27:24 > 0:27:27We're edgy tonight! It's edgy!
0:27:27 > 0:27:32Sort of hoping that quite a few of these don't make it...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37And how did Reg respond to this furore?
0:27:37 > 0:27:41He Facebooked someone. Facebook. Facebook? Absolutely right, Richard.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45How quaint(!) He released a series of photos
0:27:45 > 0:27:48with his own added captions and here's one of them.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12This is the PFA awards dinner
0:28:12 > 0:28:15and the wholly unsuitable booking of Reginald D Hunter.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18During Reg's performance, lots of black footballers were shocked.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20They hadn't heard the N-word used so much
0:28:20 > 0:28:23since they last played Liverpool.
0:28:23 > 0:28:24As Reg left the stage,
0:28:24 > 0:28:27everyone at the awards wondered who could possibly have made such
0:28:27 > 0:28:30a terrible selection and all the fingers pointed to Roy Hodgson.
0:28:32 > 0:28:33And a final spin.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42This is a better search engine than Google's.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45At least it finds tax.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50But, I mean, Google made something like, I think
0:28:50 > 0:28:55it was ?18 billion in the UK and paid ?16 million tax.
0:28:55 > 0:29:0116 million? Million. So that's a tax rate of about a thousandth. Yes.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05Mind you, they might have been on the helpline to HMRC all that time.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08Maybe they just clicked on "Feeling lucky".
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Was that a Communards song? No? Will be now!
0:29:14 > 0:29:17Is the Communards really high up on your CV? It must be.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Remember the demographic of the people... It's the Communards!
0:29:20 > 0:29:24The demographic of the people, it wasn't in my present parish, but when I turned up in one parish,
0:29:24 > 0:29:27people's heads would appear over the fence, looking over.
0:29:27 > 0:29:31In the end I came out and said hello and they said, "Are you the new curate?"
0:29:31 > 0:29:34And I said, "Yes," and they said, "We thought you were black."
0:29:34 > 0:29:38And I said, "What do you mean?" And they said, "Weren't you in the Commodores?"
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Their executives appeared before the Parliamentary Accounts Committee
0:29:45 > 0:29:47and they said, "Why haven't you paid any tax?"
0:29:47 > 0:29:50They said, "All our business, it's all in Ireland,
0:29:50 > 0:29:52"we don't have to pay any."
0:29:52 > 0:29:56And then it turned out that this isn't technically what we call true
0:29:56 > 0:30:00and Google's motto is, "Don't do evil"
0:30:00 > 0:30:03and it's got to be, "Pay some tax, you bastards."
0:30:04 > 0:30:08Render unto Caesar those things that are Caesar's
0:30:08 > 0:30:12apart from the stuff you've stashed away on the Cayman Islands.
0:30:14 > 0:30:15Last time Google were in Parliament,
0:30:15 > 0:30:18they said they sell no advertising space in the UK,
0:30:18 > 0:30:20claiming it all goes through their Dublin office, as you said.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22But Reuters looked at the CVs
0:30:22 > 0:30:25of 150 London-based Google employees,
0:30:25 > 0:30:26all of whom said they were...
0:30:32 > 0:30:35Mind you, everyone says that, don't they, whatever they do?
0:30:35 > 0:30:37You find that on every CV you ever see.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40We advertised for a new grave-digger and we got all that.
0:30:41 > 0:30:46"I am fully grave compliant." Yes. "Will only work indoors."
0:30:46 > 0:30:50Anyone know why members of Parkham Women's Institute
0:30:50 > 0:30:53should learn to Google a little bit more carefully?
0:30:53 > 0:30:56Have they got very fat fingers? They can't type.
0:30:56 > 0:30:59They had a special visitor. From Google?
0:30:59 > 0:31:02No, they were given a talk on piracy by Captain Colin Darch,
0:31:02 > 0:31:05who you will remember had a very frightening,
0:31:05 > 0:31:08dramatic experience when he was captured by Somali pirates in 2008,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11something members of Parkham Women's Institute
0:31:11 > 0:31:15clearly didn't Google as they chose to dress like this.
0:31:22 > 0:31:26Time now for the Odd One Out round. Ian and Richard, your four are:
0:31:26 > 0:31:29The sample of pitch used in the pitch drop experiment,
0:31:29 > 0:31:31the world's biggest jigsaw,
0:31:31 > 0:31:33the Pontfadog Oak and Icarus.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36Well, I think this is to do with falling to the ground.
0:31:36 > 0:31:39Yes, it is, isn't it? Icarus fell to the ground.
0:31:39 > 0:31:44The Pontfadog Oak, for want of a few thousand quid after 800 years,
0:31:44 > 0:31:46fell to the ground.
0:31:46 > 0:31:51I think this jigsaw, he was trying to put a piece in it and it just fell down, the whole jigsaw.
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Oh, and the pitch thing is an experiment,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55which has been going on for something ridiculous
0:31:55 > 0:31:59like 80 years waiting for a drop. And it hasn't fallen down at all.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02So the odd one out is the pitch. You're absolutely right.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Yes, they've all fallen down apart from
0:32:04 > 0:32:07the ninth drop of pitch in the pitch drop experiment,
0:32:07 > 0:32:10that may fall at any moment, apparently.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13On a positive note, the oak been declared fit for work by Atos,
0:32:13 > 0:32:15so we hope to see it back up soon. As has Icarus.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Shall we go to the live feed? Yes, please.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22Here's the live webcam, this is it, real-time.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24It's a bit dull, isn't it?
0:32:24 > 0:32:27How long has this been? When was this started? In 1927.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29And it's been on the internet all that time? That's amazing!
0:32:29 > 0:32:33It drops very slowly and there's about to be another one. Exactly.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37Anyone know any reasons why the scientists have missed the drops?
0:32:37 > 0:32:41It happened at night, when nobody was there watching it.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Did they happen during the war when there was something else to do?
0:32:43 > 0:32:46John Mainstone told Radio 4's Today programme that in 2000
0:32:46 > 0:32:50he was out of town when he received an email to say, "It's dropped!"
0:32:50 > 0:32:51John replied to say...
0:32:54 > 0:32:56The reply came back...
0:32:59 > 0:33:02And in 1988, when another drop fell, he missed it again because he...
0:33:05 > 0:33:09John is not going to make that mistake again, though.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Look at him here.
0:33:13 > 0:33:17Icarus famously fell from the sky after his wings melted.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Icarus ignored instructions not to get to close to the sun
0:33:20 > 0:33:23and joined the Metropolitan Police Force.
0:33:24 > 0:33:29And what modern Greek institution is slightly unfortunately named after young Icarus? Was it the Euro?
0:33:29 > 0:33:31No.
0:33:34 > 0:33:36It's to do with planes.
0:33:36 > 0:33:40The man behind the shortest aviation career in history, Icarus, has given his name to...
0:33:43 > 0:33:46And you mentioned the world's biggest handmade jigsaw.
0:33:46 > 0:33:47Yes, a record-breaking jigsaw
0:33:47 > 0:33:50commemorating the Queen's Jubilee was completed this week.
0:33:50 > 0:33:53It was hand-cut by 63-year-old Dave Evans from Weymouth,
0:33:53 > 0:33:57who spent 200 hours cutting the jigsaw before putting it together.
0:33:57 > 0:33:59Here it is on display.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18WOMAN: Absolute disaster.
0:34:19 > 0:34:22But what a great bit of commentary.
0:34:22 > 0:34:25Who knew that you could have a jigsaw commentator?
0:34:25 > 0:34:28"What an absolute disaster.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30"Oh, that is going to be
0:34:30 > 0:34:34"one of the worst results in competitive jigsawing."
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Paul and Ross, here are yours.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41The female giant panda at Edinburgh zoo, Cristiano Ronaldo's
0:34:41 > 0:34:45supposed lover, the daughter of Kyrano from Thunderbirds and this!
0:34:45 > 0:34:50# I got you under my skin when the rain came in
0:34:50 > 0:34:52# But as the sweat pours out...#
0:34:52 > 0:34:55The character from Thunderbirds, I think
0:34:55 > 0:34:57that character is called Tin-Tin.
0:34:57 > 0:35:02Usually pandas have the same name twice. Is she BumBum then?
0:35:02 > 0:35:08Tin-Tin, BumBum... She is probably called something like Lu-lu or Li-Li or La-la or Bub-bub.
0:35:08 > 0:35:12She is called Tian-Tian. Tian-tian, BumBum, Tin-Tin
0:35:12 > 0:35:14There will be people from Asia ringing and going,
0:35:14 > 0:35:17"This is the most offensive show I have ever seen!"
0:35:17 > 0:35:20BumBum is the odd one out because it is not a real name.
0:35:20 > 0:35:21You're absolutely right.
0:35:21 > 0:35:28But can you give me that band? T'pau? T'pau T'pau! Yes.
0:35:28 > 0:35:34So good they named it once. We don't know. Definite article repeated.
0:35:34 > 0:35:39The The! The The! Absolutely, it is The The. Good. So who is the odd one out?
0:35:39 > 0:35:41BumBum is the odd one out because that is her nickname
0:35:41 > 0:35:43and everyone else's real name is a repetition of their first name.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Bingo
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Bingo bingo.
0:35:47 > 0:35:51They have a repetitive name, apart from Cristiano Ronaldo's supposed lover, who is a model
0:35:51 > 0:35:55and she is only... Why is she supposed? Do we not know?
0:35:55 > 0:36:00Do we not care? It was very dark, no one could confirm anything.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03It is his supposed lover, apparently.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07Supposed lover, apparently? this is getting worse.
0:36:07 > 0:36:10Have you not got any lawyers on this programme?
0:36:10 > 0:36:15Sounds like one of your 80s songs. # Supposed lover!
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# There's a possibility of romance!
0:36:18 > 0:36:24# Or a lawyer! # It's not been confirmed! #
0:36:24 > 0:36:26Bit of Bob Dylan coming in there.
0:36:26 > 0:36:31(DOES BOB DYLAN IMPERSONATION) # Haven't confirmed the lady! #
0:36:31 > 0:36:36Now I'm trapped in this voice and I'm going to have to do
0:36:36 > 0:36:39The rest of the show like this Carry on.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42She is a model and she is only known as Miss BumBum.
0:36:42 > 0:36:48Her real name was is Andressa, so Ronaldo was only following orders.
0:36:48 > 0:36:53Now, why is the fact that she is known as Miss BumBum a massive scandal?
0:36:53 > 0:36:56Oh, is it a tribute to Basil Brush?
0:36:58 > 0:37:05He was big in the 70s, that will be on the news next week! No, not Basil!
0:37:07 > 0:37:12Sooty, he's been quiet! Just saying, imagine that in court.
0:37:12 > 0:37:16"What's that? What's that, Sooty? You did not!"
0:37:16 > 0:37:20I would just like to state that neither Basil Brush nor Sooty
0:37:20 > 0:37:26he have been involved in any sexual misbehaviour. That's not what I've heard!
0:37:28 > 0:37:33In the series Thunderbirds, Tin-Tin Kyrano spent most of her time on Tracey Island,
0:37:33 > 0:37:36a fictional landmass in a secret location somewhere in international waters.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39It is now where Jimmy Carr keeps his money.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43The The had most to success in the 80s. According to the sleeve notes on the CD:
0:37:48 > 0:37:51They didn't ask him to, but you have seen Later. It is hard to stop him.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57Time now for the Missing Words round.
0:37:57 > 0:38:00This week's guest publication is SICKinsight.
0:38:00 > 0:38:02This is the magazine of SICK,
0:38:02 > 0:38:05the German electrical engineering company.
0:38:05 > 0:38:08The company was founded by Erwin Sick, who died in 1988
0:38:08 > 0:38:11and I'd like to think, in tribute to Spike Milligan,
0:38:11 > 0:38:13his headstone reads, "I told you I was Sick."
0:38:13 > 0:38:15And we start with...
0:38:21 > 0:38:23A lonely goat herd?
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Ruthless efficiency?
0:38:28 > 0:38:29The answer is:
0:38:32 > 0:38:35According to the magazine, their latest screw-driving solution...
0:38:37 > 0:38:41That's from their special correspondent, Ooh Er Missus.
0:38:41 > 0:38:42Next up.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Naturist Archdeacon.
0:38:51 > 0:38:53(ROSS) It's a fish.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56It is a type of fish. Frankenfish. Next.
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Is this like a country music thing?
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Git award and then go to the after party.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08Git awarded compensation if you've been injured at work.
0:39:10 > 0:39:15The answer is GIT Award goes to the S300 Mini.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17This is from SICKinsight.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20According to winning product manager, Torsten Rapp...
0:39:26 > 0:39:29And that's how you win a GIT Award.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32Typical British, laughing at a successful German company.
0:39:32 > 0:39:37God, I bet they sell all that stuff and create jobs.
0:39:37 > 0:39:38And finally...
0:39:41 > 0:39:43RICHARD: Offered by Amazon
0:39:43 > 0:39:45in settlement of its 2012 corporation tax...
0:39:48 > 0:39:50ROSS: This is burned my willy. Absolutely right.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Not me, but... Ross, you're absolutely right.
0:39:55 > 0:39:57The answer was burned my privates.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59This is Raymond Cuss, whose genitals were burned
0:39:59 > 0:40:02when he used a shower gel bought at his local 99p Store.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05After being awarded ?1,000 compensation by the shop,
0:40:05 > 0:40:06Raymond said...
0:40:12 > 0:40:15So, the final scores tonight are
0:40:15 > 0:40:17Richard and Ian with five points,
0:40:17 > 0:40:19Ross and Paul with nine.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21Nine. Nine!
0:40:21 > 0:40:24Embarrassing, it's just embarrassing, that score.
0:40:30 > 0:40:33Before we go there's just time for the caption competition.
0:40:35 > 0:40:37(RICHARD) What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44Bowl of porridge mutates into member of Royal Family.
0:40:45 > 0:40:49On which note we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop and the Reverend Richard Coles,
0:40:49 > 0:40:50Paul Merton and Ross Noble.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52And I leave you with news
0:40:52 > 0:40:54that at a function in Buckingham Palace,
0:40:54 > 0:40:57Prince Philip prepares to meet the visiting delegation
0:40:57 > 0:40:59from the United Arab Emirates.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05In Rome, a new victim experiences the after-effects
0:41:05 > 0:41:07of the Vatican canteen's vegetable curry.
0:41:13 > 0:41:16And after the prolonged period of cold weather,
0:41:16 > 0:41:18there is evidence that the delayed spring sunshine
0:41:18 > 0:41:20may finally have reached as far as Newcastle.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29Good night.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd