0:00:38 > 0:00:40Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I'm Robert Lindsay. In the news this week...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46In Tirana, the Albanian Space Programme
0:00:46 > 0:00:49puts its first recruit through astronaut training.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57The head chef at the Ivy explains how they managed to cope when
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Victoria Beckham had breakfast with Eric Pickles.
0:01:06 > 0:01:12A top newsreader bravely reports on the ineffectiveness of his latest batch of Viagra.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Six and a half millimetres. A quarter of an inch.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23On Ian's team tonight, a Dragon from BBC Two's Dragons' Den,
0:01:23 > 0:01:27who says the most important things she expects from other people
0:01:27 > 0:01:29is total honesty. Fair enough.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33So, please welcome the last minute replacement for Duncan Bannatyne...
0:01:33 > 0:01:38LAUGHTER
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Yes, Deborah Meaden.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I'm out.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47And with Paul tonight is a comedian
0:01:47 > 0:01:50who is a fine actor and also accomplished at pottery.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Skills which, when he was auditioning
0:01:53 > 0:01:57for the lead role in the film Ghost, got him into the last 76,000.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Please welcome, Johnny Vegas.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01APPLAUSE
0:02:06 > 0:02:10So, we start with the biggest stories of the week.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Ian and Deborah, take a look at this.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Burning the European flag.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17That's our Prime Minister with the president.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21That one is the Send In The Clowns man. Isn't that right?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24This is the Conservative Party voting against itself
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- over the Queen's Speech. - That's a first, really.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Usually the Government announces a Queen's Speech
0:02:29 > 0:02:32and then they back it. This time they announced and thought
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- "No, this is rubbish."- Yep.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37So they had an amendment immediately to say
0:02:37 > 0:02:39"Look, that Queen's Speech wasn't very good.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42"We regret that there wasn't some other stuff in it."
0:02:42 > 0:02:43The Prime Minister then said
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"Yeah, you're right. I'm going to put forward a bill
0:02:45 > 0:02:49"saying it wasn't very good." But it was your Queen's Speech.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Who is the real victory for?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Well, it's sadly a victory for UKIP.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59Or the Daily Express. And that's according to the Daily Express.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Gosh, I thought victory for the Daily Express
0:03:02 > 0:03:03is when Diana is revived.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09So, what has happened to the support
0:03:09 > 0:03:11for the major parties while all of this has been going on?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I think the public have concluded
0:03:13 > 0:03:16that they don't really know what they're doing.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Because Ed Miliband, who is meant to be leading the opposition
0:03:19 > 0:03:22but, in fact, the opposition is now being led by Boris.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29So, the Conservative Party now does government, coalition, opposition.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31And UKIP.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35You explain it so well. You need to get a handle on this, Ian.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36You need to control what is going on
0:03:36 > 0:03:39because you appear to be the only one who does.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40But I am controlling.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Actually, according to most pollsters, UKIP are now...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Who has personally boosted UKIP support?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55- Des Lynam.- What's he done?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Claims he's rewritten these lyrics to Send In The Clowns.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01It's not been much of a rewrite. Changed a couple of words, but he's suggested...
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Send In The Clowns, the old Stephen Sondheim tune from A Little Night Music.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Do you want a quick blast?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14SIGHS
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Don't give up the day job, Des.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Oh, you have.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Mind you, I should imagine Stephen Sondheim
0:04:25 > 0:04:27commentating on Southampton versus Newcastle
0:04:27 > 0:04:32would be equally inept as Des Lynam rewriting Stephen Sondheim.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33How is David Cameron reacting
0:04:33 > 0:04:36while the whole flimsy house of cards collapses around him?
0:04:36 > 0:04:37He went off to America, which is
0:04:37 > 0:04:40always a good thing to do if you're in trouble is go abroad.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42They actually flew over with Prince Harry.
0:04:42 > 0:04:47According to the Independent, David Cameron...
0:04:47 > 0:04:51It was just the two of them so they both had to sit next to the nutter.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54LAUGHTER
0:04:54 > 0:04:58- What were they presented with? - With look-alike dolls.
0:04:58 > 0:05:03Yes. Effigies made by a British firm called Makies. Here they are.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Do they know who they're look-alikes of?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Someone said they look like lesbian Mormons.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19That is the campest Prince Harry ever.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Came up with a lovely comment saying
0:05:21 > 0:05:26"The beret makes me look a bit French."
0:05:26 > 0:05:30No, you don't wear a beret like that. This is how you wear a beret.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Do you remember those days? There were people who were left wing.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44So long ago.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Thanks, Ian(!)
0:05:46 > 0:05:48LAUGHTER
0:05:48 > 0:05:52The dolls are made by designing the image using a special app
0:05:52 > 0:05:54and then ordering the doll to be manufactured and delivered.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56We are still at the design stage with these.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Look, here is Paul Merton.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02And we have, in fact, Ian.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09- Shall we have a quick greedy bastards update?- Yeah!
0:06:09 > 0:06:10Does it come with a signature tune?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12# Greedy bastards greedy bastards
0:06:12 > 0:06:14# Greedy bastards update. #
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Vodafone, anyone? What have they done?
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- Is this a tax avoiders round? - It's bound to be.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- Vodafone, they haven't paid any tax. - Goldman Sachs.- Boo!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Disgraceful.- Someone challenged them, the Revenue.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Cos the Revenue did a deal where basically
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Goldman Sachs didn't have to pay interest on what
0:06:31 > 0:06:34they owed to the taxman. Let alone what they actually owe.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38And the courts decided in Goldman Sachs's favour.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Which is absolutely extraordinary.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41And Amazon?
0:06:41 > 0:06:44I know this one. Look at that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46I'm quite nervous, it's me first show.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Me dad rang me and went, "Don't spoil this for us."
0:06:55 > 0:06:56What a starter for ten.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02They must just be sat there going, "Just don't. Don't."
0:07:02 > 0:07:05There is a discussion going on around me
0:07:05 > 0:07:09and in my head two kittens are fighting over a pork chop.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Yeah, they've avoided it by...
0:07:11 > 0:07:13It goes through Luxembourg.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Everything is processed there, packaged and sent off.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20But because the sales are processed in Europe,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22they avoid paying the UK tax.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25The man from Google has to go back to Parliament to explain why
0:07:25 > 0:07:27he didn't appear to be telling the truth.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I'm not saying he wasn't.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34Just Google "truth" and see if anything comes up.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38How many female historical figures has the Bank of England
0:07:38 > 0:07:41put on a new banknote?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43- Go.- None.- Correct.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Elizabeth Fry is going to be removed. Penal reformer.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50How do you feel about women being ignored like this, Johnny, Paul?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Sorry, Deborah.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Did anyone see the interview Bruce Johnson? Boris, Bruce.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Bruce Johnson!- Bruce. - He was in the Beach Boys.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Who's the other guy? The kung fu guy? Anyway.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Did anyone see Bruce...? Oh, f...
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Did anyone see the interview Boris Johnson
0:08:11 > 0:08:14gave this week on the subject of the EU?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Keep your eye on the right-hand side of the screen.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23If we're honest, democratically, it would be rather a...
0:08:23 > 0:08:25LAUGHTER
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Hang on. Here it is slowed down.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36LAUGHTER
0:08:36 > 0:08:38JOHNNY: That's my dad.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41APPLAUSE
0:08:44 > 0:08:49- Hello.- Hello.- Good evening and welcome. Take a look at this.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Oh, it's black and white.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54These look like spies in London Zoo. Sort of handing over...
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Oh, yes, this is - the wigs are the clue.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59There was a man in Russia...
0:08:59 > 0:09:00That's him! That's the guy.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Some American CIA agent, I believe,
0:09:02 > 0:09:05who was caught in Russia with a selection of cheap wigs and...
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Yep, that's the guy.- ..fake passports and all that kind of stuff.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10It was a bit ludicrous, cos it was sort of amidst
0:09:10 > 0:09:12all the hi tech of modern espionage,
0:09:12 > 0:09:14here was a man who was wearing a little blonde wig
0:09:14 > 0:09:17in his suitcase and stuff. That's what it was about, isn't it?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20It's the biggest spy scandal since Sky 1 failed to recommission
0:09:20 > 0:09:23a certain award-winning comedy.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25LAUGHTER
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Still amazing how people don't have Sky, isn't that weird?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31I've got Sky, I just don't watch anything with "Sky" written on it.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Hands up how many people have got Sky.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I got it, but I got given it for nothing.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38And then got paranoid that they were just recording me conversations
0:09:38 > 0:09:39in the house.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44They're putting them out on a channel that you're not watching.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Yeah, I'm just putting on a channel and speaking in hushed tones going,
0:09:48 > 0:09:49"It's tea time.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53"But don't tell them what we're eating."
0:09:53 > 0:09:57What alerted the Russian security service to the fact that
0:09:57 > 0:10:00this Ryan Fogle might not be simply the Third Secretary
0:10:00 > 0:10:03from the political section of the US Embassy?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Was he wearing all three wigs at the same time?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Let's have a look at the spy wig.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Plastic surgery's not very advanced in Russia,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12according to that bloke on the right.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Has he been arrested for forming a sixth form band?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18How did the Russians identify Mr Fogle?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Well, if you're the Third Political Secretary, you are a spook.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Traditionally.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25So they saw him and then they saw that the wig didn't fit.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29No, but his rudimentary kit also included his...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Twat.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Ah, yes, the follow up.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44No, no, no, he was also carrying a letter written in Russian.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47To the contacts, to the person he was going to turn.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49To become a spy for us.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Or for the Americans, anyway.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53- And it said, "Dear colleague..." - "Dear friend."
0:10:53 > 0:10:58- Friend?- Yeah, and offered £65,300 for an initial interview.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00- Yeah.- Explaining...
0:11:06 > 0:11:11"Especially as I, myself, am a bungling amateur."
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Did he also have one of those business cards that you
0:11:13 > 0:11:15print off at the, you know, the service stations?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19"I also am available for children's parties."
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Yes, well, it continued...
0:11:27 > 0:11:28"That's right.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31"We've written everything down in this incriminating letter
0:11:31 > 0:11:34"to be handed over to you by a man wearing three pairs of glasses
0:11:34 > 0:11:37"and a dodgy wig."
0:11:37 > 0:11:41So, what were the instructions given to the "target" to devise
0:11:41 > 0:11:45a highly complex and secure way of communicating with his new bosses?
0:11:45 > 0:11:49"Wander around St Petersburg asking people if
0:11:49 > 0:11:52"the seagull flies high over Krakow tonight?"
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Actually, he was told to...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Well, that's secure(!)
0:12:01 > 0:12:05I've only had my credit card raided twice through doing that.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Do you think they're targeting you?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09There's a fundamental paranoia at work.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13I reckon they're after those tea bags.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15The pyramid!
0:12:15 > 0:12:16It changed the world!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Know what I mean? First of all the Egyptians and now me!
0:12:21 > 0:12:22APPLAUSE
0:12:22 > 0:12:25My favourite television programme.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- It's like a show but we're selling stuff.- Yeah.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30And people are suffering as...
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I've got to shut up, I need that money.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36It's lovely.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38He's after your job, he's trying to lure you in.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40- Yeah.- Make a mistake.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42We can have you in as a cameo.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44You're like an evil coffee drinker.
0:12:46 > 0:12:52- How was Ben Fogle, sorry, Ryan Fogle...- Ryan Fogle. Not Ben Fogle.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54How has he been described by the Russians?
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Well, probably no better than we have described him now.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- Yes, exactly.- Part of the point of this is just to take the focus
0:13:00 > 0:13:03away from the fact that Russia and America were getting quite friendly
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- and Putin doesn't want that.- What, might the whole thing have been
0:13:06 > 0:13:09set up on the part of the Russian government, do you think?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11They could have set him up so the Americans look bad
0:13:11 > 0:13:13and they don't have to cooperate any more.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- So it could be very sinister. - Interesting.- As well as amusing.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Some members of the Russian government are alarmed
0:13:18 > 0:13:21at increasing closeness between Russia and the West
0:13:21 > 0:13:23and might be trying to drive a wedge between them.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27In these pictures, taken a few days ago, Vladimir Putin seems to
0:13:27 > 0:13:30be paying David Cameron very, very close attention.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39So many echoes of the Cold War and spies.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Try and guess what headlines the papers chose to go
0:13:41 > 0:13:43with on this particular thing.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Good evening, Mr Blond. - Very good.- Thank you.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49I could work for a tabloid.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- It's always nice to have an ambition in life, isn't it?- It is.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53So, staying with Russia,
0:13:53 > 0:13:56anyone know what song the Russian armed forces are choosing
0:13:56 > 0:13:57to march to?
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Is it Dancing With The Captain by Paul Nicholas?
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Let's have a look.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19# SpongeBob SquarePants
0:14:19 > 0:14:22# SpongeBob SquarePants. #
0:14:22 > 0:14:24APPLAUSE
0:14:27 > 0:14:28That's fantastic.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31If you were ever scared of the Red Army, it's gone.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Do they know about his friend Patrick?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Patrick?- Yeah.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37What's Patrick's condition?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Well, Patrick's the first openly-gay cartoon crab, I think.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- Is he a crab, Patrick? - No, he's a starfish.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- Starfish, sorry. - I've come into me own now.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Mr Krabby, he runs a local burger joint -
0:14:49 > 0:14:52it's not McDonalds.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54It's very similar and he's very tight-fisted.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56And...yeah, he goes to a boat school.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58He desperately wants to drive a boat.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01But he can never get his licence.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03It's gripping stuff.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I should have possibly watched less of that
0:15:05 > 0:15:07and more of the news before I came on here.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11But something instinctively told me it might come up as a subject.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Well, it did.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15And now it's gone.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Yes, this is the espionage scandal in which an unidentified person
0:15:19 > 0:15:21was captured in Moscow this week
0:15:21 > 0:15:24along with an espionage kit, which included...
0:15:27 > 0:15:33Either he's a spy or Elton John is now lost in Russia on his tour.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36So, at the end of that round, two points each.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Oh!
0:15:44 > 0:15:48And so, the round two, the Picture Spin Quiz.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Is it inbreeding in the royal family?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00DEBORAH: No, it's the original...
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Isn't that the Duke of Clarence?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Is it the original Olympics?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09There's beer-swilling and shin-kicking and...
0:16:09 > 0:16:11The Cotswold Olimpicks.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14They were chronicled in an ancient pamphlet, which is up for auction.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15According to the Times...
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Much like the career of Bruce Forsyth.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28See if you can identify the sort of games that were played,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30using an image taken from the book.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32It looks like sword fighting we can see top right.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Standing on your head, in the middle.- Yeah.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Misunderstanding perspective.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40That was a very popular sport at the time.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41Hand stands.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- JOHNNY VEGAS: Shin-kicking. - Say again?- Shin-kicking.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- Did you just copy me?- That's right. - Did you just copy me?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50No, you said hand stands.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Oh, no, you're right. I said hand stands.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- Yeah, but were you copying her? - I'm confused enough as it is.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00If you start making things up, I'm in real trouble.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03Anyone know what dwile flonking is?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07He sounds like a daytime presenter. "Over to Dwile Flonking."
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Is that the beer thing?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Yes, yes.- That's the beer.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15JOHNNY: Why would you dodge them?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24That's like a packed lunch.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Let's have a look at you, Deborah, on Dragons' Den,
0:17:28 > 0:17:32giving some encouragement to some hopeful entrepreneurs.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45DEBORAH: 'Oh, no. No.'
0:17:47 > 0:17:48'Oh, dear.'
0:17:49 > 0:17:53Do you know? I am not going to waste my words any more. So I'm out.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56APPLAUSE
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I would pay to watch you speed date.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07What's Delia Smith said this week?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09She has said that we need to go back
0:18:09 > 0:18:13to cooking without using recipe books.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17Yeah, but the series just before, she was basically doing Findus
0:18:17 > 0:18:21and Birds Eye, wasn't she? So, how further back can we go?
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Findus and Birds Eye? Delia Smith? - You had to have a microwave.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26I can't do the maths.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31If it's an 850W or a 700W, you know, and they go for two and...
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I just put it in for ten minutes and turn it into soup.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I just prepare my straw and wait for the ding.
0:18:41 > 0:18:42This is the Cotswold Olimpicks,
0:18:42 > 0:18:46which began in the 17th century and still takes place today.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51And the first games in 1612 were rocked by scandal when some of the
0:18:51 > 0:18:55competitors tested positive for snuff.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57So, fingers on buzzers, teams.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02BUZZER
0:19:02 > 0:19:06This is Chris Hadfield who has celebrated his final days
0:19:06 > 0:19:12up in the Space Station by serenading us with a Bowie song.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14That's right, Space Oddity, here it is.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19# Though I've flown 100,000 miles
0:19:19 > 0:19:22# I'm feeling very still
0:19:24 > 0:19:30# And before too long I know it's time to go
0:19:31 > 0:19:37# Our commander comes down back to Earth and knows... #
0:19:39 > 0:19:41He's changed the lyrics as well.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55It's not bad, is it?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57He's no Des Lynam, but anyway.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Actually, how did David Bowie respond, do you think?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Oh, I should think he was immensely chuffed.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- Well, actually he tweeted. - Did he?- Yeah.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10So what else has Chris Hadfield done to attract attention to himself
0:20:10 > 0:20:11whilst up in space?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Has he started a war with Mars?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17He's actually tweeted from his position on the
0:20:17 > 0:20:20International Space Station which actually is...
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I mean that's incredible, isn't it? It's incredible.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26I can't even get a 3G signal in Tooting.
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Ah, so why might it be easier to travel to space from Sussex
0:20:31 > 0:20:33than was previously thought?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Eh, Sussex is the highest place on the Earth.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39LAUGHTER
0:20:39 > 0:20:41So it takes less time to get there.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44According to the Brighton Argus...
0:20:47 > 0:20:50LAUGHTER
0:20:54 > 0:20:57That could be a door though, couldn't it?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02You know, there's the kitchen, there's the hallway.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03It's another place.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08It's worrying news because Des Lynam lives in Brighton.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Any minute he'll start pushing immigrants down the vortex.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Does anyone know how this discovery was made?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- What, of the portal?- Yes.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Why doesn't everybody know this story? This is fantastic.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23A member of the public in Brighton told Hove City Council...
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Affenpinscher, isn't that a crime in Austria?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42On the subject of sounds in unexpected places,
0:21:42 > 0:21:44what has been troubling funeral goers?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Oh, mobile phones going off...- Yeah. - ..in coffins.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Go on.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49LAUGHTER
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Where are you? We said we'd meet at half past two.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Where are you?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56In a study for the Co-operative Funeral Care,
0:21:56 > 0:22:00funerals were found to be the most inappropriate place to use
0:22:00 > 0:22:02a mobile phone.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04According to the Times...
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Well, this is what'll happen.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Yeah, but the pallbearers did.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22I actually had a big shock today.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25I have officially been told by Who Do You Think You Are?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27that my family has achieved
0:22:27 > 0:22:33so little in 400 years that they're not going to bother.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- AUDIENCE: Aw.- Aw.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37APPLAUSE
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- Are you serious?- Serious.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45All we did was illegally bury a body, but there's not much...
0:22:45 > 0:22:46LAUGHTER
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Fingers on buzzers, please.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50BUZZER
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Oh, sorry, we've not had a question. I panicked, I panicked.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54I panicked.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58Oh, here we go.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Yeah.- DEBORAH: Who is it?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02BUZZER
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- That's the Israeli PM.- Oh, it's the amount of money he spends.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06He spends a fortune on his hair
0:23:06 > 0:23:09and clothes and whatever he's holding there.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Ice cream and food and stuff.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13He paid to have a bed put on a plane when he came over
0:23:13 > 0:23:16for Mrs Thatcher's funeral so he could get some sleep.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19He could have slept during the funeral.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22So what embarrassing revelation was revealed about Netanyahu's
0:23:22 > 0:23:25eating habits at the start of the year?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Is he sort of very fond of desserts?
0:23:27 > 0:23:28That would be scandalous.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- JOHNNY: What, Zoom lollies? - We don't know.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35His household account showed that he had a budget...
0:23:39 > 0:23:41And presumably that's...
0:23:42 > 0:23:44..Wailing Walls.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47AUDIENCE GROANS
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Come on.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52You've spent a lot of money on ice cream, haven't you, Deborah?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Mine's doggie ice cream.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Are those the ingredients?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58What's doggie ice cream?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Nutritious ice treats for dogs.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Don't look at me like that, Ian.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- I thought we were on the same team. - Yeah.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Well, nominally.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09You're missing tea bags now, aren't you?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- Shall we see this?- Yeah, they've probably got an advert for it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16DEBORAH: There you go.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18JOHNNY: That's ice cream for dogs and I look at that
0:24:18 > 0:24:21and all I can hear is # Where is love? #
0:24:23 > 0:24:27So you've found a way of giving dogs the same guilt as my wife.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30DEBORAH: Dogs don't feel guilty.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33JOHNNY: A dog now can sit there and go, "I hate meself."
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Thanks, Deborah. Now, I want to rock in the corner and cry.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43Now the other dogs ignore me at the park.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Speaking of the Middle East...
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Why don't we bring out some Polaroids for dogs?
0:24:49 > 0:24:50What's this man doing?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52He's delivering Kentucky Fried Chicken.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55He's going through the border and delivering Kentucky Fried Chicken
0:24:55 > 0:24:57to a country where they have no outlets.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59It's the Al-Yamama delivery firm,
0:24:59 > 0:25:02who's delivering KFC into the Gaza Strip.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05But how long has Elvis Presley had this job?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Everybody's looking at the bag.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11It's Elvis Presley!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13There's your story.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17In other news, what was advertised in the Stage magazine this week?
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Was it a job(?)
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- Don't knock it, pal! - Yeah, exactly.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26A company recruiting for a new telesales position
0:25:26 > 0:25:28advertised for a vacancy.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Let's have a look at the advert.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Fingers on buzzers, teams, please.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39BUZZER
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Oh, yes, this is the great invention.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44In about five, ten years' time, they reckon they'll have a car
0:25:44 > 0:25:46which you'll be able to get into and say, "Take me home,"
0:25:46 > 0:25:50and the car will take you home. It will react to other cars around it.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51It's the driverless car.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54You'll be able to get into the car in whatever condition you like
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- and be delivered home safely. - You can drink, then?- Absolutely.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Pubs in the countryside - not that it really bothers them anyway
0:26:01 > 0:26:03in the countryside - but they'll be looking forward to this
0:26:03 > 0:26:06because it means you can have a few and get home safely.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10This invention that you just get in and whatever state you're in,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- you say and it takes you home... - A taxi.- Yeah.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Sorry, you were taking a little while to get there.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I know this route, I know a shortcut round the back.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Round the back of the gasworks, turn left,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25turn left there, there you are, that's the ice rink,
0:26:25 > 0:26:26that's where you want to be.
0:26:26 > 0:26:30Er, actually, here's Sergey Brin, he's founder of Google
0:26:30 > 0:26:34and one of the people backing the idea, in one of the cars.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Yeah, you can see it's a Google car, look, because there's no tax disc.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Tch!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45In other technology news,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48what have more than 100,000 people downloaded this week?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Do we not know?
0:26:50 > 0:26:51No.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52- DEEP VOICE:- A gun.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Oh, yes. The plastic 3D gun.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57A controversial group in America has released the blueprints
0:26:57 > 0:26:59to a gun you can print on a 3D printer.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03What did the Mail On Sunday do with one of these guns?
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Kill somebody?
0:27:04 > 0:27:08No, they fired it at a... No, I don't know. I didn't read it.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11No idea. I could be here for ages. They built one.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14They built it and they took it on Eurostar.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16JOHNNY: Wow(!)
0:27:16 > 0:27:18So, is it just the gun that's made of plastic?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Yeah.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25JOHNNY: Doesn't it look like he's just run out of roses to water?
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Eat your heart out, Ryan Fogle.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35In other technological advances, what can men now do?
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- Easy, Deborah. - What can men now do?
0:27:39 > 0:27:41JOHNNY: Tell the truth.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44In an awkward social situation.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- Get pregnant. - Ah, we're getting near.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53We're getting near to it? What's near to being pregnant?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56I genuinely hope so, because my figure's already gone.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01I'm desperate to have a child to justify this.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02You can. You can.
0:28:02 > 0:28:07They can experience the pain of childbirth by using a new simulator,
0:28:07 > 0:28:10and here are two reporters from a local station in Michigan
0:28:10 > 0:28:12giving it a try. Watch this.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15MAN GROANS
0:28:15 > 0:28:18It's starting to come down now, you guys are doing awesome.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21MAN BREATHES HEAVILY
0:28:21 > 0:28:23AUDIENCE LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH
0:28:35 > 0:28:38But then they turned the simulator on.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42Yes, the driverless car is soon to be seen on British roads.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Manufacturer Malcolm McCulloch told the Sunday Times...
0:28:48 > 0:28:52Which is great news, because it means that a presenter-less Top Gear
0:28:52 > 0:28:54could be deployable within six.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01In other technology news, 3D printable guns have been banned.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04Now, a 3D printer costs about 8,000,
0:29:04 > 0:29:07and obviously, once you've bought one, the first thing to do
0:29:07 > 0:29:09is print out another printer.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13Time now for the Odd One Out Round.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15One between you this week.
0:29:15 > 0:29:16Chris Huhne,
0:29:16 > 0:29:17Sisyphus,
0:29:17 > 0:29:19Radio Stoke's Paula White,
0:29:19 > 0:29:22and marathon runner Jake Harrison.
0:29:22 > 0:29:24Is this about sentencing?
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Chris Huhne has just come out of prison.
0:29:26 > 0:29:29Sisyphus - eternal life sentence.
0:29:29 > 0:29:31- Quite strict. - Sentencing is good, yeah.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33So it is sentencing?
0:29:33 > 0:29:34No.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36DEBORAH: It's good, but it's wrong.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39Is it lying? Because Sisyphus was in for lying.
0:29:39 > 0:29:40No.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42Is it pushing a rock up a hill?
0:29:42 > 0:29:45JOHNNY: What I never understood with that,
0:29:45 > 0:29:47as punishment pushing the rock up the hill, is...
0:29:47 > 0:29:49there's got to be a point where you go,
0:29:49 > 0:29:51"I'm never going to reach the top."
0:29:53 > 0:29:56They are watching, and they come and get him if he ever stops.
0:29:56 > 0:29:57Oh, do they?
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Who are watching, Ian?
0:29:59 > 0:30:00G4S.
0:30:02 > 0:30:05Wouldn't let him...they let him go.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08They've all failed to finish what they were doing,
0:30:08 > 0:30:12apart from Jake Harrison, who did complete the Marathon of the North,
0:30:12 > 0:30:14but was the only one to do so,
0:30:14 > 0:30:17as the other 793 runners went the wrong way.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20Was he responsible for putting the arrows up, this bloke?
0:30:20 > 0:30:24Have you ever managed a full marathon, John?
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Well, it's Snickers nowadays.
0:30:27 > 0:30:28Wah-wah!
0:30:31 > 0:30:35- No. I-I've actually got a letter off me doctor, for life.- Yeah.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38I get cigarettes on the NHS.
0:30:38 > 0:30:39I'm the only one.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41What compensation...
0:30:41 > 0:30:44- Cos with running... Oh, sorry.- I'm so sorry, Johnny.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46It's OK. You carry on.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48- Should I?- Yeah, this one's best left in me head.- OK.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Chris Huhne and his ex-wife Vicky Pryce,
0:30:51 > 0:30:53who were released from prison this week
0:30:53 > 0:30:57after completing just two months of their eight-month prison sentence
0:30:57 > 0:30:59for perverting the course of justice.
0:30:59 > 0:31:02Is everything forgiven between Huhne and Pryce now?
0:31:02 > 0:31:05I have no evidence, but I should think they're probably
0:31:05 > 0:31:07less than chums.
0:31:07 > 0:31:09The Mirror has revealed that Pryce is intent on
0:31:09 > 0:31:14humiliating Chris and is going to write a...
0:31:14 > 0:31:17Chris Huhne is also thought to be considering a tell-all memoir,
0:31:17 > 0:31:22but only if he can persuade Vicky Pryce to write it for him!
0:31:22 > 0:31:25What does Chris Huhne plan to do now he's a convicted felon?
0:31:25 > 0:31:27Hire a chauffeur?
0:31:27 > 0:31:30One Liberal Democrat source assured us that...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38..Unless, of course, it involves politics,
0:31:38 > 0:31:40driving or crime.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Or marriage.
0:31:45 > 0:31:48See bottom left, is that the woman who was
0:31:48 > 0:31:51dropped from Radio Stoke for slurring on air?
0:31:51 > 0:31:54- JOHNNY: She was hammered. It was brilliant.- Was she?
0:31:54 > 0:31:57According to other people, who were sober,
0:31:57 > 0:32:00she sounded awful.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02She kept apologising for sounding drunk
0:32:02 > 0:32:04but saying she wasn't drunk, but then going...
0:32:04 > 0:32:06SLURRED: "I'm just merry.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08"Coming up is...is the travel..."
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- Shall we have a listen? - Yes, all right.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16Eh, Tina in Blurton would like to hear Charlie Rich,
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Most Beautiful Girl In The World.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- SHE LAUGHS - Tina!
0:32:20 > 0:32:22SHE MUMBLES
0:32:22 > 0:32:23Eh, Tony in Hanford says,
0:32:23 > 0:32:26"I'm going back by Felco..." I'm going back WHERE?!
0:32:26 > 0:32:31Between now and four o'clock, we're having a part-ay!
0:32:32 > 0:32:34We can.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36We absolutely can.
0:32:36 > 0:32:39Rich in Talke says, "Paula, you sound drunk."
0:32:39 > 0:32:42I'm not drunk. I've had a couple of drinks. I'm not drunk.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44SHE LAUGHS
0:32:46 > 0:32:49- You've been on Paula's show, haven't you?- Have I been on Paula's show?
0:32:49 > 0:32:53- According to the producers, you've been on Paula's show. - I don't know. Neither of us remember.
0:33:00 > 0:33:02According to Greek mythology,
0:33:02 > 0:33:06Sisyphus was a Corinthian king punished for his deceitfulness
0:33:06 > 0:33:09by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill
0:33:09 > 0:33:11only to watch it roll back again for ever.
0:33:11 > 0:33:13If you're looking for a modern equivalent,
0:33:13 > 0:33:15it's like Pauline Prescott trying to get John out of bed.
0:33:15 > 0:33:19Chris Huhne has been released, and so has his wife, Vicky Pryce,
0:33:19 > 0:33:21who's announced that she'll be writing a book about her
0:33:21 > 0:33:24prison experiences called...
0:33:24 > 0:33:26PAUL CHUCKLES
0:33:26 > 0:33:29She's going to tell us the economic case against prison
0:33:29 > 0:33:31and how you can save money.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34One of the ways would have been if she'd pleaded guilty straight away.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37So we wouldn't have had to bloody well tried her.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44Apparently, it is due out in September.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47So we can expect it on our shelves in a couple of weeks.
0:33:47 > 0:33:48And...
0:33:50 > 0:33:53OK, time now for the Missing Words Round.
0:33:53 > 0:33:58- This week's guest publication is the British Investment Digest.- Ooh.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00And we start with...
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Have found a verb they like.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12The answer is...
0:34:16 > 0:34:18I always said that capitalism sucks.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Freedom for Tooting.
0:34:26 > 0:34:27Next...
0:34:30 > 0:34:33DEBORAH: Drank. What do students do? Drank.
0:34:33 > 0:34:34The answer is...
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Ah!
0:34:38 > 0:34:40You can warn young people all you like about
0:34:40 > 0:34:43the danger of sucking up beer too fiercely
0:34:43 > 0:34:46but honestly, it just goes in one ear and out the other, really.
0:34:46 > 0:34:47Come on!
0:34:47 > 0:34:49APPLAUSE
0:34:51 > 0:34:52Next.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55This is an easily bully-able audience.
0:34:55 > 0:34:59They groan, you threaten them, they applaud you!
0:34:59 > 0:35:00Moving on...
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Controlling human beings?
0:35:06 > 0:35:09The answer is...
0:35:11 > 0:35:14According to the Metro, the turtles...
0:35:17 > 0:35:21How's a turtle going to get through customs in the first place?
0:35:24 > 0:35:27You know, it's not easy, is it? Passport?
0:35:29 > 0:35:32DEBORAH: Can I just say - that is a tortoise not a turtle!
0:35:33 > 0:35:34How dare you!
0:35:36 > 0:35:39I've earned my living impersonating reptiles all me life.
0:35:41 > 0:35:42Next...
0:35:47 > 0:35:49..what?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51DEBORAH: As Fergie retires?
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Well, the answer is...
0:35:56 > 0:35:58Oh, for goodness' sake!
0:35:58 > 0:36:01- For goodness' sake. - It's quite obvious, isn't it?
0:36:01 > 0:36:04You feel stupid when you can't get something like that.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09The only way I'd be less interested in that sentence
0:36:09 > 0:36:12is if it had the words "Peter Andre" in it, but never mind...
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Next...
0:36:16 > 0:36:18What?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21- It's Super Miliband! - DEBORAH: Super Miliband.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Yes, that is the correct answer.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26This is an injured cyclist who's been rescued by the Labour leader.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30Cyclist Ella Phillips said, on seeing Ed Miliband...
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Adding that he was...
0:36:39 > 0:36:40Next...
0:36:42 > 0:36:43What?
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Is it Frank Ifield?
0:36:46 > 0:36:48# I remember you-ou...#
0:36:48 > 0:36:51Nobody else does. Not you, Robert, the song.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53No, the answer is...
0:36:55 > 0:36:57JOHNNY: At what point do you cue that up as backup? Yodelling?
0:36:57 > 0:36:59"We've lost traffic and travel. Quick."
0:36:59 > 0:37:01HE YODELS
0:37:01 > 0:37:04- "All right, I'll pull off 'ere." - Next...
0:37:06 > 0:37:07What?
0:37:07 > 0:37:11- JOHNNY: Bit off more than she could chew?- Oh, could be.
0:37:11 > 0:37:14There are a lot of Bs there, so it could be alliterative.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17Bottom-biting boss beats BBC backwards...bollocks.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19Doesn't really work!
0:37:21 > 0:37:24DEBORAH: Apparently, she was involved in horseplay,
0:37:24 > 0:37:25which sounds quite...
0:37:25 > 0:37:29- I know the answer, I think. - She's giving it.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32Yeah, do you mind? I've started...
0:37:32 > 0:37:33Oh, sorry. Sorry.
0:37:33 > 0:37:35She actually draws blood.
0:37:35 > 0:37:37I need some of that dogs' ice cream.
0:37:40 > 0:37:41Just to placate me.
0:37:45 > 0:37:48Apparently, they were involved in horseplay and it went too far
0:37:48 > 0:37:53- and she accidentally bit somebody's bottom and drew blood. - She might be an arse vampire!
0:37:53 > 0:37:55Instead of the neck, concentrates on the arse.
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Everybody's muffled up here, got crucifixes. You bend over - wallop!
0:37:59 > 0:38:01The answer is...
0:38:03 > 0:38:05Next.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10Brass-rubbing.
0:38:10 > 0:38:11In Norwich.
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Try turning it on.
0:38:15 > 0:38:17The answer is...
0:38:19 > 0:38:21And finally...
0:38:25 > 0:38:27JOHNNY: Are still virgins.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Have agreed on a universal
0:38:33 > 0:38:36single monetary...
0:38:38 > 0:38:40..system.
0:38:40 > 0:38:44- No, they had a fight.- They had a fight. There was a convention...
0:38:44 > 0:38:47This wasn't in a portal in Brighton, by any chance?
0:38:47 > 0:38:52- The answer is "separated by police." - Separated by police!
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Some guy who'd been giving it large and then realised
0:38:54 > 0:38:58that his lightsabre couldn't actually slice an arm off...
0:38:58 > 0:39:00said to the police, "Come on, then!"
0:39:00 > 0:39:04and then realised he was effectively hitting him with a plastic torch.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Surely when the police arrived, somebody must have said,
0:39:07 > 0:39:09"Oh, the force is with you"?
0:39:09 > 0:39:13They must have said that. They must have done.
0:39:13 > 0:39:16So, the final scores are...
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Paul and Johnny - 4, and Ian and Deborah - 7.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Yes!- It's a win.- I don't understand.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24APPLAUSE
0:39:26 > 0:39:31But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34Ian and Deborah have this...
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Is that an eel?
0:39:39 > 0:39:42- Or are you just pleased to see me? - Yeah.
0:39:42 > 0:39:45JOHNNY: The penguin on the end's going, "That's not my mum!"
0:39:47 > 0:39:50It's a new penguin pervert awareness scheme!
0:39:50 > 0:39:54When you see someone naked offering you a fish, just shout!
0:39:54 > 0:39:56There's one penguin saying to another,
0:39:56 > 0:39:58"I hope there's not a hole in that bucket.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01"We've got to eat our dinner out of that."
0:40:01 > 0:40:04He tried this last week at the cinema, with popcorn.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07Go on, Paul, you get this one.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10"That's nice, isn't it? I've only just come to visit your country,
0:40:10 > 0:40:13"and here we are, remembering old times."
0:40:15 > 0:40:17APPLAUSE
0:40:18 > 0:40:22Yes! On which note, we say thank you to our panellists, Ian Hislop
0:40:22 > 0:40:25and Deborah Meaden, Johnny Vegas and Paul Merton.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28And I leave you with the news that amid continuing reports that
0:40:28 > 0:40:30Boris Johnson is aiming to be the Prime Minister,
0:40:30 > 0:40:33David Cameron buys him a coffee to bury the hatchet...
0:40:36 > 0:40:39In Malmo, the director of the Eurovision Song Contest makes
0:40:39 > 0:40:43final preparations for the thrilling four-hour spectacle.
0:40:46 > 0:40:49And a scientist at Oxford University finds
0:40:49 > 0:40:52an exact replica of Michael Gove's brain.
0:40:55 > 0:40:58Power to the people. Goodnight.
0:40:58 > 0:41:00APPLAUSE