0:00:27 > 0:00:31Isn't it amazing. You and me. Getting married tomorrow?
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Yeah. It is amazing. Cos we're already married.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36The mistake we made was having it in Vegas
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and forgetting the family would want a re-run in Hebburn.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42But in Vegas we were just mucking about. This is real.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44I mean, have you seen the size of your mum's hat?
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Yeah, once the brim goes past seven inches there's no going back.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52I love you so much.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54I love you too.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56I've never felt so close to you.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Is it going to be OK?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Course it is, pet.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02I wasn't talking to you.
0:01:02 > 0:01:03'Course it'll be OK.'
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Keep our heads down, get through it.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Bish, bash, bosh. Be in the pub by three.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13Possibly the most romantic thing you've ever said to me.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I'm worried our mums'll argue again.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17What? Who ever heard of an argument at a wedding?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Are you kidding?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21There's always an argument at a Geordie wedding.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23It's nearly the law.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Yeah, but this isn't actually a wedding. It's a blessing.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Followed by a drinking session.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28Which is, in a way, another blessing.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Except I can't join in, can I? Not exactly good for the baby.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Hey, but champagne's not real booze, is it?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Yes. It's one of the realest.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Are you sure? I mean, I'm pregnant an' all.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Surely three or four champagnes just means the baby's
0:01:44 > 0:01:46in on the party too, doesn't it?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Sounds like the ante-natal classes have started well through there.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Denise, we can't drink at all.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53We've have to think of what's best for baby.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Bugger.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55What's up?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Well, I told Gervaise I was pregnant as well, didn't I?
0:01:58 > 0:01:59To stop him pissing off to Great Yarmouth.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02If I drink tomorrow, he'll know something's wrong, won't he?
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Sounds like everything's wrong.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07I'll have you know he was very excited about the baby.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Once he'd stopped crying. And running.
0:02:13 > 0:02:18Anyway, I might be pregnant after what me and Gervaise got up to
0:02:18 > 0:02:19in here this afternoon.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22In this bed? Did you change the sheets?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Don't worry, man, we put something down.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Denise's sleeping bag.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Right.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Margaret's granddaughter had a six-tier wedding cake.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35And we cannit let her beat us.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Seven tiers?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37Nine.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Nine? You'll be able to see it from the moon!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Listen pet, I'm paying for this wedding.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46And one thing it's not going to be is dreary.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49And besides, it might be the last one I ever go to.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54So we are having the biggest and best of everything.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58I want a cake tall enough for King Kong to climb up.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01And napkins so nice we're going to have to stop folk
0:03:01 > 0:03:02from stealing them.
0:03:02 > 0:03:07Well, let's stop faffing and get building this fruity skyscraper.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09That's always been your problem, hasn't it, Pauline?
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Got no conversational skills.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16You just leave me to it. I'll have this done in no time.
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Aye, maybe I'll just help you get started, eh, Dot?
0:03:19 > 0:03:24It's a woman's prerogative. This is your kitchen.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26No matter how shamefully organised it is.
0:03:27 > 0:03:31So, I'll get on with rolling out 20 pounds of marzipan.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34You get that sack of sultanas and put them in the mixing bin.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Right.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Wow!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56I'd be happy just to marry that.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Of course, it's mainly down to your Gran.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02The only thing I put in was all the effort.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Do you think wedding cake knows it's wedding cake?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Probably not, pet.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Why don't you go and ask Denise? - I will.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Dot?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Dot?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Dot!
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Um? I was just resting my eyes.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Feast your eyes on this!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Eeee!
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Oh, no, I wouldn't have done it like that.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Come on! I need a shower.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40What are you doing in there? Remodelling it?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42We're getting ready, man!
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Sarah's in the shower, I'm doing me last coat of fake tan
0:04:44 > 0:04:47and Denise's finishing shaving.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50No-one cares if she's got hairy legs, they'll not be looking at her.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I'm shaving higher up than me legs.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Right, we're coming out.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00What on earth are you doing?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02It's bad luck to see me before the service.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Unlike you, Jack, I'm taking this seriously.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Yeah, you've never looked more serious.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07You know what your problem is, Jack?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Aaah!
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Oh, no, man!
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Oh, my God!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15She's popped her nose.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18It's all right pet, we'll get you sorted in my room. Denise!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26You'll be wanting your razor back.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29Keep it. Or burn it. And bury it.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Bloody hell!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39If that was any taller, it'd be a terrorist target.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Eee, look at you! You're like a young Alan Shearer.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44But handsome.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Let's hope the bride turns up, eh?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Well, Mam, it's not a wedding, it's a blessing.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Sorry, pet?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I thought you just said I was going to all this trouble
0:05:53 > 0:05:55for something that isn't a wedding.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57It's not! We're already married.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Jack, the happiest day of a mother's life
0:05:59 > 0:06:01is watching her son get married.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Me and your dad have prepared ourselves for the fact
0:06:03 > 0:06:06that your sister will probably end up having a few goes,
0:06:06 > 0:06:11But you will only do this once, for a second time.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16So, to keep your Mam happy, this is a wedding. Capisce, pet?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I suppose so.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Good lad.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25I remember at my wedding, dear, your Granddad knocked the cake over.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28He was drunk as a skunk.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31I might not observe that particular family tradition.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I'm sure it was still a very special day, Dot.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Oh, aye. He used the font as an ashtray.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40The priest said some very un-Christian things.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Pure romance. Mam, have you seen me cufflinks anywhere?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46In the Good Room. Mind, you can go in for them, then that's it.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I'm having no-one else in there today. My God, it's half eleven!
0:06:49 > 0:06:50Go and get your Dad!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53If you cannit move him, tell him I've got the credit card out
0:06:53 > 0:06:55and I'm watching QVC. That'll shift him.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56I could do with a freshen up meself.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00Hold us over the sink, Pauline. I'll wipe meself down.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05And with that ladies, I'll bid you farewell.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Dad?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11What you doing in here? No-ones supposed to be in here today.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12She'll kill you!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Exactly. It's the last place she'll look.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18So are you coming to me blessing/wedding or what?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Yeah, just thought I'd have a little doze first.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Your mam has entered her organisational phase,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26and I thought it's best to hide and wait it out.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Anyway, I wanted to talk to you.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34You know they say your wedding day is the happiest day of your life?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Yeah.- Well, it's not.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Brilliant. So, you're telling us that today!
0:07:38 > 0:07:44Your wedding day is just about you standing up
0:07:44 > 0:07:48in front of the people that you love and saying,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51"This is who I want to spend the rest of me life with,
0:07:51 > 0:07:55"and from now on, we're not two people, we're one."
0:07:55 > 0:07:59So, if you and Mam are one, how come you're hiding in here?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Sometimes it's better to be one person in separate rooms.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Sounds ominous. So, is this me little pep talk, then?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08No, but if I was to give you any advice,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10it would be just try and be kind to each other,
0:08:10 > 0:08:13and try to not get stressed about giving in a lot.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16And I wanted to show you this.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21It's not the Antiques Roadshow, Dad.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27That watch was your grandfather's. He wore that for 38 years.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Sailed all around the world wearing that.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Got into bar fights in Australia wearing that watch,
0:08:32 > 0:08:34slept rough in Russia when he'd missed his ship.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36He was on two ships that sank wearing that watch.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38So, it's a cursed watch?
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Nah, son.
0:08:39 > 0:08:44But I'll tell you what, after 38 years of hell and high water,
0:08:44 > 0:08:47that watch is absolutely buggered.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49So it's a cursed, broken watch.
0:08:49 > 0:08:5012:30 all day long.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52He gave it to me to wear on me wedding day
0:08:52 > 0:08:55and me and your Mam have been as happy as she'll allow.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Cheers.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Anyway, it'd mean a lot to me, son, if you'd wear that today,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03and hopefully it'll being you good luck
0:09:03 > 0:09:07and your and Sarah's marriage will be as harmonious as me and your Mam's.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Joe! If you'd like to see a funeral as well as a wedding today,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13then I suggest you keep hiding. Otherwise, get down here!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Good luck, son.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Mother, looking demure as always.
0:09:23 > 0:09:28Where have you been? Honestly, today of all days!
0:09:28 > 0:09:29I didn't think you needed us.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Oh, I always need you, Joe. I need you here, with me.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Now, get out of me way.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Didn't the doctor say I was to be kept stress free?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38High blood pressure, remember?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40You can be stress free tomorrow, but today is my big day.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- Whose big day? - Sarah's big day.
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I meant Sarah, obviously.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47DOORBELL RINGS
0:09:47 > 0:09:51I'll get it! It'll be me groomsmen. I'll see yous all at the church, eh?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Best of luck, pet. Don't be nervous. Focus on Sarah,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57and not the rows and rows and rows of folk watching you.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Great, thanks.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Bloody hell, it's the A-Team!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Best man, reporting for duty.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I've got to say, Ramsey, you're looking fair sophisticated, son.
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Cheers, like.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13Viagra? For the wedding night?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I'm all right, mate. I grow me own.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22Marial, I'm assuming you're going to want to join the coven upstairs?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Funnily enough, I am actually a white witch.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25I never doubted it for a second.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I'll see you later.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Aye, belter like.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Hi.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Oh, hello!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Marial. Listen, I'll walk with you. Give you a bit more fatherly advice.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44And my first bit of advice I'd like to give you is...
0:10:44 > 0:10:46There's always time for a swift pint. Howay.
0:10:49 > 0:10:54You look proper lush, like, Sarah, once you've clotted up.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Promise?- Mm-hmm.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59Are you sure you don't want a quick wipe with fake tan?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Just subtle, like? Not the full Fanta?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03No, really, thanks.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Gosh, I'm nervous.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Why?
0:11:07 > 0:11:09You've nowt to worry about now, man.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Today, you're closing the door on yesterday,
0:11:13 > 0:11:15and opening the door to a whole new world.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Aye, now you can just sit back, get a house with Jack
0:11:19 > 0:11:22and fire out bairns on an interest-free settee.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Woah. That's not very feminist, Denise.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Being a wife doesn't mean you have to take a subservient role.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Hey, I went out with Jack for two years,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34and trust me, he does enjoy a bit of subservience.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Denise! What did I say?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38You can be a bridesmaid so long as you don't remind me
0:11:38 > 0:11:39that you and Jack used to...
0:11:41 > 0:11:42..go together.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43My lips are sealed.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He liked that as well.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Bit of a challenge.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I was thinking of singing Ave Maria at the wedding.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Y'know, with Sarah being all Jewish and that.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00- I'm not sure. - It won't be tacky, man.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I'll do it with a bossa nova beat.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Mate, can I just say, it's a proper honour to be your best man.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Wasn't a difficult decision, really, mate. What were me other choices?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13I'm proper touched, like.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15And just so you know, I'm taking it seriously.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18In me speech, I'm going to make you look like a total bell end.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Cheers mate. Appreciate it.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23It'll be good for Hutchy, as well, to see us in a role of authority.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Might help straighten the lad out a bit.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28How does he feel about you having a baby with Denise?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31After I told him, he only set fire to like, two things.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Which I think means he's quite pleased about it.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35You know, in an angry way.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37But, as a parent, sometimes you have to let them
0:12:37 > 0:12:39work their anger out on their own.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Or in Hutchy's case, on cats.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Eeee!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I might call my mum and dad. They should have been here ages ago.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50Oh!
0:12:51 > 0:12:55Pauline! Stop gawping at the poor lass!
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Pay no attention to her, Sarah.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00She was exactly like this when Joe bought her her first microwave.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05My God! You're a vision, our Sarah, a vision.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I feel a bit itchy.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Itchy! You don't know what itchy is, pet.
0:13:11 > 0:13:15When I got married, my dress was 100% polyester.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18But I looked all right, if I do say so meself.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22The static off that polyester dress! She was like a fairy with an afro.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Come to think of it, I should have had her earthed!
0:13:25 > 0:13:29And when he took me hand, there was like a spark between us.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30We were so in love.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32ALL: Awww!
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Mind you, you should have seen the bridesmaids!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37The bridesmaids, they were head to toe in velvet.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39It was the '80s. No-one had seen it done before.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Mind, they were a bit clammy.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I've never seen sweating like it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46They were like waterfalls in dresses.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48It was horrible.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Joe gave me the shock of me life.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51I thought he wasn't going to turn up.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- You're kidding.- What happened?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55I was in here, wasn't I? Got sidetracked.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Which reminds me. What time is it, son?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01The time sponsored by The Cursed Watch is 12:30.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04What time is it in the real world?
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Plenty of time, don't worry.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Certainly time enough for one more half.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Same again, gentlemen?
0:14:09 > 0:14:10- Aye, cheers.- Nice one.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Appletise?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Hey, what's the magic words?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16With ice and a slice.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17That's better.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23Eeee!
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Look at you, my darling!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Hiya, Mum. Hiya, Dad.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36You look like an angel. So beau...
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Not now, Ben.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Susan, we were beginning to worry you'd not make it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Our invitation said four. We'd have missed the whole thing if we got here then, wouldn't we?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48That'll be me. I did the invitations.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I get muddled up, you know.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Sometimes, you see, I put down four
0:14:53 > 0:14:56when what I really mean is don't come at all.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Hush, Dot!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Hello, Miriam, love.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04It's Marial now, Dad, remember.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Miriam.
0:15:05 > 0:15:11How... interesting you look. And you too, Dot. What are you?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I'm a bridesmaid.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17They couldn't get married without me being a bridesmaid.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18Did they say that?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20No, I did.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23But since I'm paying for the wedding,
0:15:23 > 0:15:25it didn't seem to be a problem.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29It's just a shame that you couldn't afford to chip in, isn't it?
0:15:29 > 0:15:34Now, please, Dot. This is a very special day of celebration.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37And we are very happy to have Susan and Ben here with us.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39What time are you going?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Well, looks like the car's here, so...
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Wow, look at that car!
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Nowt but the best for our Sarah.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48It's the only wedding car in Hebburn.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Half the town's used it. There's a lot of history in that car.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53I married Joe in that car.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56I conceived Joe in that car.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I had to book it under an assumed name
0:15:58 > 0:16:00cos I think I might still be banned.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Limousine for Miss Streisand?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08What? They're Jewish, aren't they?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I was panicking when I booked it.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Yes, Streisand, that's us. Right, let's get you in.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18There we go.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21And Ben, of course, father of the bride.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Susan, I imagine you'll be travelling with us.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Let the bride and her father have some private time...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31No, I'll go with them. I'll see you later.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Move over, Ben.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46Has anyone seen me watch?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Nah, I don't believe in them, mate. I'm not a slave to the clock.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Used to drive them mad when I had to sign on.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53In the end they just put on me card "afternoons".
0:16:53 > 0:16:56The strap's a bit dodgy, it's probably just come off.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58While me Dad's at the bar, can you just help us look for it?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01It means the world to him. Howay.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07What's going on? Is it the call to prayer?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11All right, Dad. We're just looking for Big Keith's contact lens.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- I didn't know you wore them. - Oh, aye. I love 'em.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17They're like spectacles without the ear hook things.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I know what they are.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20MUSIC: "Marry You" by Bruno Mars
0:17:20 > 0:17:22# Cos it's a beautiful night
0:17:22 > 0:17:25# We're looking for Something dumb to do
0:17:25 > 0:17:27# Hey baby
0:17:27 > 0:17:30# I think I want to marry you
0:17:33 > 0:17:35# Is it the look in your eyes
0:17:35 > 0:17:39# Or is it this dancing juice? #
0:17:39 > 0:17:41It's a special day, you know, for a father,
0:17:41 > 0:17:43when his daughter gets married.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45I know we were there in Vegas,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48but this is like a proper wedding, isn't it?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51No. It's a blessing, Ben.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54You wonder what these people would do for a real wedding.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56The grandmother's one of the bridesmaids,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58they've made their own cake.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Is she going to be walking down the aisle
0:18:00 > 0:18:04to the strains of a toothless banjo player?
0:18:04 > 0:18:07It's of course traditional for me to ask if you have any doubts.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Because I could just get this car to whisk us back to York.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13No, Dad, I'm sure.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Are you really, though? You're an educated woman.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19You don't want to throw your life away.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20And let's face it,
0:18:20 > 0:18:23these people are pretty much gypsies who live in houses.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I'm not throwing my life away.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27I'm closing the door on yesterday
0:18:27 > 0:18:30and opening the door to a whole new world.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Oh, that's very wise.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Who did you hear that from?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36It's the Lion King, isn't it?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39KNOCK AT WINDOW
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Little bit of a problem.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45What might that be, Pauline?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48Joe and the boys are a little bit delayed,
0:18:48 > 0:18:50so you might want to drive around the block.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Shouldn't be more than two minutes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Our Vicki's just on the phone now, chasing them up.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57OK. OK, but listen... Vicki? Vicki, wait...
0:18:57 > 0:19:02Lads, we need to get the church. Fast as we can, like.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Now!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07# Cos it's a beautiful night
0:19:07 > 0:19:10# We're looking for Something dumb to do
0:19:10 > 0:19:11# Hey baby... #
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Where the bloody hell have you been?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17If somebody doesn't get married soon
0:19:17 > 0:19:19we'll have a well-dressed riot on our hands.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- Sorry, sorry. - Sorry, sorry.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- Sorry, gorgeous. Lost track of time. - Do I look like an idiot?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28No, you look, you look amazing.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Jack, stop slavering over the lass.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Your Gran had two sherries before we came out
0:19:33 > 0:19:36so we've got half an hour before she has the urge to surge.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Joe?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I've had to deal with Susan twisting her face like butter wouldn't melt.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44And all the time I'm waiting for her to ask about you
0:19:44 > 0:19:46so I have to say you're in the pub.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48The heavens have opened, your mother's doing me head in,
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I think the cake's going to melt and...
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Do I look all right?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54You look beautiful.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55You're not even looking!
0:19:55 > 0:19:56I don't need to.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00You're a bloody smooth talker, you. Right, come on!
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Let's get on with me special day.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Sorry, Sarah. I'm sorry.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Our special day.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- Actually Pauline, I think you'll find...- Not now, Susan.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Joe, you all right?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I'm fine, pet. You go in, I'll sneak in round the back.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24I'll tell them to start the music.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I don't think I've ever been so nervous.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Were you this nervous on your wedding day?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32No. I knew she was the one for me.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Are you..?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Joe?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Oh, my God! Just... just wait there. Wait there!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42I'm not going anywhere, pet.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47I found your watch, mate.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Is it that time already?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53What's he doing?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Oh, my god! Darling!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00What's wrong, pet?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- Oh.- What is it?
0:21:04 > 0:21:08It's all right. I'm here now. Everything's going to be fine.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11What's going on?
0:21:11 > 0:21:12It's all right, darling.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Dad?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Dad! What you doing? What's he doing?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Gervaise, ambulance. Do not sing to them.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Yous had better hurry up cos that congregation is turning ugly.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Uglier.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Dad, I need to tell you this, right, cos you're dying.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30He's not dying, Vicki! Shut up!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Oh, Mam, just look at him! Dad, I'm not pregnant!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- I just made it up to keep Gervaise! - What?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39What's going on? We came all the way from York for this...
0:21:39 > 0:21:43My husband is not very well, Susan, so you're just going to have to wait.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44What's wrong with him?
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Look at his face. I think he could be having a stroke.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49Not a stroke!
0:21:49 > 0:21:53Siobhan's Mam had one and now she swims in circles at the baths!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Is his breathing slurred?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56What do you mean?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58I mean, is it slurred down, like?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01Don't worry Dad. We're all here for you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04The watch! Where'd you get it?
0:22:04 > 0:22:06He still owes me for that.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Hutchy! I've had enough of this!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- You're going to stop nicking off my mates!- All right.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12And start calling me Dad.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15OK, Dad.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Be all right, darling.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21The ambulance is on its way.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Is there anything we can do to help, Pauline?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Yes, please.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Can you make sure everyone gets to the party at the pub, please, Susan?
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Thank you.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37This is my worst nightmare.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43No. Actually that's my worst nightmare.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46MUSIC: "This Year's Love by David Grey
0:22:55 > 0:22:59# This year's love had better last. #
0:22:59 > 0:23:02It's OK, angel, you've just had a fright.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05But we're going to see the doctor and he'll get you fixed up.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07You're going nowhere, Joe.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Not yet.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12We've still got loads more to do, haven't we?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15You and me? So much more.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20The kitchen needs doing, for a start.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24And a conservatory.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27You promised me that conservatory bloody years ago.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32You just lie back and relax.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Let the experts work their magic.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Will you bloody hurry up!?
0:23:36 > 0:23:39If you go any slower we'd be as good dropping him off at the morgue!
0:23:41 > 0:23:45That's right, pet, just relax.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53And I only lied cause I wanted you to stay with me, in Hebburn.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56When you said you were going to Great Yarmouth,
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I was proper scared I'd lose you to the showbiz lifestyle.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Well, I suppose it's like Cheryl teaches us.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04"We've got to fight for this love".
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Hi, I'm Doctor Abineri. I'm looking after your father.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Is he all right, like? Is he? Is he? - Vicki, let her speak!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21He's had a stroke. But I think we caught it in time.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25You can go and see him now, but he's been given some powerful drugs so just bear that in mind.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28And we've given your mother a little sedative too, just to get her to let go of his hand.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Thank you, doctor.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33You need to come with me.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Maybe just one at a time?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40They don't really do one at a time.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42You sort of have to take them all together.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46You may now kiss the bride.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Now, yous go on, get away to the party.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02I don't think there'll be a party now, Pauline.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Everyone would have gone home.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05What time is it?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10It's, er... bloody hell, the watch has started working!
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Joe, it's like magic!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Oh, hold on, it's buggered again.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Get yourselves away.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Me and your dad are just going to stay here, be together for a bit.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I'm sorry for saying you were dying when you're not.
0:25:26 > 0:25:31But, if you do die, I'll probably be too upset to go shopping.
0:25:31 > 0:25:35So can I get a new black dress now? I've seen a lush one in Topshop.
0:25:37 > 0:25:38I love you.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Don't you worry, son. You'll be fine.
0:25:43 > 0:25:48You've got Pauline here. She'll take good care of you.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Don't look at me like that, Pauline.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I don't have to like you to love you.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58And sort your makeup out, you look a right state.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00And she's back.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06You were right, Dad.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09It's all about standing up in front of the people you love
0:26:09 > 0:26:11and saying this is who I want to be with.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14From now on, we're not two people, we're one.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Did you say that?
0:26:18 > 0:26:22He's an old romantic, but he's right.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25You know, you get to the point where you can read each other's minds,
0:26:25 > 0:26:28and you know what I'm thinking now, Joe?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31We should renew our vows.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35Just a little service, a hundred or so.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Oh!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39See? He thinks it's a great idea.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41See you later, Pauline. Bye, Joe.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43See you, my love.
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Bye, Dad.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50The doctor says you might not be able to talk for a little while,
0:26:50 > 0:26:51but don't you worry, love.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53I'll do the talking for both of us.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08I'll just put the telly on, eh?
0:27:40 > 0:27:44You know, you can slag Hebburn off for a lot of things....
0:27:44 > 0:27:46And you have and will.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48But we do do a good bag of chips.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57Maybe we should get back to Swayze's and see if anyone's still there?
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Let's not bother.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03I can still look for another job, get us out of here.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06I love it here.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09I love wherever you are.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16If you fancy, we could jump in the back and consummate the marriage?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Yous can wait until I've finished my chips, thank you very much.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd