0:00:24 > 0:00:28Hi. I'm Boyd Clack, creator and director of the comedy series High Hopes.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32The idea for the show came from meeting a couple of youngsters
0:00:32 > 0:00:34of the Valleys who were up to a bit of nonsense
0:00:34 > 0:00:40and then discovering that they were being brought up by their 16-year-old auntie and her boyfriend.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Anyway, they set me towards thinking about the nature of family life.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48This show is a creation of a new family from bits of other families.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51It's about the kindness and humanity that is needed for that.
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Coming up:
0:00:52 > 0:00:56Mam reveals all, Claude messes up, Fagin smartens up
0:00:56 > 0:00:58and the boys fall out.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05But to begin at the beginning, in the first ever episode...
0:01:05 > 0:01:09the boys break into the Hepplewhite house.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11DRAWERS RATTLE Shhh!
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Why don't you just go upstairs and wake 'em up with a cup of tea?!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18"Hello, we're house breakers. The kettle's on!"
0:01:18 > 0:01:20(I never done it on purpose!)
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Don't move, or my mam will throw this over you, won't you?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Yes, and it's nearly full.
0:01:28 > 0:01:35Who are you? Where are you from? I'm Dwayne Hoffman and he's Charlie Jenkins. We're sleeping rough, like.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Do your parents know where you are?
0:01:37 > 0:01:41My mum and dad are divorced, like, and Charlie's mum is a prostitute,
0:01:41 > 0:01:44working at car parks in Neath. He don't know who his father is.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Only the proper car parks, the official ones, like!
0:01:47 > 0:01:50I'm very old-fashioned and I like a lot of old stuff.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53I used to adore black and white television things
0:01:53 > 0:01:56and I used to watch children's things like Wacko and Billy Bunter.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59But when I really got into it, it was with Hancock on radio
0:01:59 > 0:02:02then television with Galton and Simpson.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05My mam will see to your food and your washing and that,
0:02:05 > 0:02:09and I could slip you a few bob from time to time.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11So...what do you say?
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Oh, Mr Hepplewhite!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Me and Charlie won't let you down, never!
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Oh, it'll be lovely having young people in the house.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23You're best not to call me Mr Hepplewhite.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Look, I...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I got my cover to keep, see?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Now, we should think of a different name...
0:02:29 > 0:02:31like a code...
0:02:32 > 0:02:36I know, that film where Alec Guinness had a beard.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39He had apprentices an' all.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Oh, what was his name?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Fagin! That's it.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Fagin!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48I like it.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Fagin it is, then.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Fagin. Great!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Stick with me, boys, you won't go far wrong.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I got high hopes for you boys...
0:02:59 > 0:03:01very high hopes indeed!
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Well, writing together is always interesting.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08It's nice, I enjoy writing with another person.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12The way we start is to come up with the actual storyline
0:03:12 > 0:03:16for the episode. The theme is very important to us as well.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Each episode has a theme. So we come up with the theme and the storyline,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23and the next step is to break that down into actual scenes,
0:03:23 > 0:03:28individual scenes. Each scene, of course, must do certain things.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32Essentially, it must be funny, but it must also advance the plot.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35You can't have a scene just for the sake of it.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39The international money markets are in turmoil, Mam.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43At least it was this time last year!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48He's a kind of Walter Mitty-ish character, I guess, in a way.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51He's a dreamer. Erm...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Totally disillusioned with life, the life he's had.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Desperately yearning for a better life, but abjectly fails every time.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01You are smart, you are!
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Aye. Brains, see, boys?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I'm an intellect, like.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10If you want to make a success of a criminal career,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13you've got to be prepared to put in the hours.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Too many youngsters nowadays want the rewards without putting in the hard graft.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19There you are.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Bought them from the shop. This is none of your homemade rubbish.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Thanks, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I remember doing the first ever episode which was the first
0:04:29 > 0:04:33ever time I'd done a sitcom in front of an audience.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37And I'd... I can remember the first couple of scenes.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39I remember this pounding...
0:04:39 > 0:04:43in my ears. My blood pressure had gone up so high.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46It was very much like a rabbit in a headlight.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Are you comfy?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Lovely, Mrs Hepplewhite. Blow-up mattresses, they are.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Aye. There's another 48 of them in the attic.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58I blew them up myself, it nearly killed me.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Anyway, you have a nice sleep,
0:05:00 > 0:05:05and if there's anything you want in the night, you know your way around.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Goodnight, boys. Goodnight. Goodnight.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Nos da.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Night. Night, Charlie.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20Until the arrival of the boys, he was profoundly lonely.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24But their presence and support opened up new possibilities.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26They're beams of light in his darkness.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29A bang on the head can do funny things.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32# I'm in love, I'm all... #
0:05:33 > 0:05:34He's coming!
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Saying nothing is best, right? He may have been cured of his agoraphobia for ever.
0:05:38 > 0:05:44I'd like to think he could, in a way, because there's a big world out there for him,
0:05:44 > 0:05:48a big world of adventure and discovery the poor sod doesn't know much about.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53I think the heartache is the fact that he hasn't got a life!
0:05:53 > 0:05:58You know, he's totally at home. But she also loves him to pieces.
0:06:00 > 0:06:05I'd be so proud to show off my beautiful son in public again after all these years.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Right...let's hit the town, cats!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15# It's now or never
0:06:15 > 0:06:18# Come hold me tight... #
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Now, I'll show you boys a bit of shoplifting,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26the classic method, like. Fantastic!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29We'll go in separate. Now, you boys keep your eyes on me.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Keep 'em peeled, you won't know I've done it. Slight of hand, see?
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Excuse me, sir. Do you mind accompanying me to the manager's office?
0:06:41 > 0:06:46It is up there in the top five or six shows that I have done
0:06:46 > 0:06:49on the grounds principally of its writing...
0:06:49 > 0:06:54which is extraordinarily funny, clever, idiosyncratic,
0:06:54 > 0:07:00sometimes rude, but always done, always written with a warmth.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02A very good cast...
0:07:02 > 0:07:07and now, a hugely loyal following audience.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I mean, it's almost the same filming up the Valleys...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12With High Hopes, we get the same kind of attention
0:07:12 > 0:07:15from the general public that we used to get when we filmed
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Only Fools And Horses. You know...
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Except that the audiences in the Valleys of Wales
0:07:21 > 0:07:24are slightly more polite. They're delighted that you're there.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28If I had to describe Hoffman to someone, erm...
0:07:29 > 0:07:32..he's a genuine sort of boy, you know.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36I'd have looked after my mum and dad if they'd have stuck together.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39But they don't need me, you see.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44At least you know who they both was, though.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45Aye.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48If I'd have met Charlie in real life,
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I think I'd love him. He's probably the honest...
0:07:52 > 0:07:55kind of bloke that is one of your best friends.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58You know that he'd always be there for you...
0:07:58 > 0:08:01not knowing what he was getting into, probably.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I just love Charlie's innocence.
0:08:03 > 0:08:08Hey, that Charlie's a bright lad. Where did you go to school, then?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Neath. But I never went, mind.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Why not, love? Cos the teacher didn't like me.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15Why not? Cos I set fire to his car!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Oh, well...I could go up and have a word with him.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23A misunderstanding, it was.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27No, he understood, Mrs Hepplewhite, he just didn't like it.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Toyota, it was.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31That's a Jap car.
0:08:31 > 0:08:35Japanese, they tortured my husband in the war, didn't they, Richard?
0:08:35 > 0:08:40Aye. They jumped up and down on his stomach, with their boots on.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45Now they're going to deny you an education because you set fire to one of their cars? It's not right!
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Mam, who is not in the first flush of youth,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52often talks about her career as an erotic dancer,
0:08:52 > 0:08:58about the places she played, and about her not infrequent sexual liaisons, without inhibition.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02I was in showbiz myself for a while, you know, when I was younger.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05You never told me that, Mam. Was you famous, Mrs Hepplewhite?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Oh, yes. I was a stripper.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10A what?!
0:09:10 > 0:09:13My mam was a stripper for a bit too,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15but she reckoned it was too demeaning...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17so she became a prostitute instead!
0:09:18 > 0:09:22Where was you a stripper, Mam? Oh, pubs, working men's clubs.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24How far did you go?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26All over the South Wales area.
0:09:29 > 0:09:30No, no, I mean...
0:09:30 > 0:09:32how far did you go?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Ooh, the lot, right down to my G spot!
0:09:40 > 0:09:41G string, Mam!
0:09:41 > 0:09:45I had to give it up in the end, though, dancing barefoot
0:09:45 > 0:09:48on beer-soaked bars gave me athlete's foot.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50What did Dad say?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52To try anti-fungal cream.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55The more I've played her, the more I've enjoyed her, to be honest.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I love her now, I really do.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I love her to bits.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04And the number of people who say they just love what she gets up to...
0:10:04 > 0:10:06The men think she's hilarious.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09"I cannot hardly wait to hold you in my arms again
0:10:09 > 0:10:11"and kiss your beautiful lips.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14"Endless love. Your own Aneurin.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15"XXX."
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Ah, there's romantic.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Aneurin? Who the bloody hell's Aneurin?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Richard.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Hello, Mam. What's this?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Well, you've found out now. Found out what?
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Who's Aneurin?
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Sit down.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I don't want to sit down.
0:10:37 > 0:10:43It was 1953, Coronation year. Your poor dad was in hospital.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45He'd been there a long time
0:10:45 > 0:10:50and somehow I found happiness in the arms of another.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Another what?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Another man.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Oh.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Yes. The Japs jumped up and down on your dad's stomach
0:10:59 > 0:11:03and Aneurin Snoddy jumped up and down on mine.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Oh, no!
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Not...
0:11:08 > 0:11:11THE Aneurin Snoddy?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13The famous cat burglar?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Yes. Aneurin the Cat they used to call him.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20He was a legend in Port Talbot. Still is.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24He was a good looking man, like Cary Grant.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28Smoked a pipe. Women were mad for him.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30They used to leave their windows open
0:11:30 > 0:11:34and sit waiting on their balconies in the spring night air,
0:11:34 > 0:11:40wearing only diaphanous silk negligees and their diamonds and pearls
0:11:40 > 0:11:43in the hope that he would enter in search of their valuables
0:11:43 > 0:11:45and take advantage of them.
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Port Talbot has changed a lot since then.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52I'm back.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56There was a bomb scare in the pictures. It was those Methodists!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59They don't like snuff movies themselves
0:11:59 > 0:12:01so they try to spoil everybody else's fun.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Oh. Aneurin.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Elsie.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Oh, hell.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13The first episode was always very difficult, in fact,
0:12:13 > 0:12:17and this to come as the second one, possibly my favourite ever one.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I particularly loved the scene where Mam is upstairs with Snoddy
0:12:21 > 0:12:26and Fagin is downstairs really fretting about it. The boys tease him.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Hey, they're at it.
0:12:30 > 0:12:35No, no, not at their age. It's not possible.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Aye, it is. I've seen a programme on Discovery channel.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Sex Over 70 it was called.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43They do it after they have a bath.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Mam and Aneurin haven't had a bath.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Usually, like, but sometimes they use a little pump.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55A little pump?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57For the bath water, is it?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00No, for the bloke's winky.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04They can pump it up and smile at each other.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Oh, my God! My neck's gone hard.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12I was getting very irate the fact my mother was upstairs with this man.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14I can't take it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I said, "My lovely..."
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Mam. My little old cuddly white-haired mam
0:13:20 > 0:13:23upstairs banging away like a shithouse door.
0:13:27 > 0:13:33Protection racket is a dirty word, doctor.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Two words.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Yes, blackmail, that's better.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42Anyhow, if I don't get 400... pounds in used notes forged prescriptions
0:13:42 > 0:13:44will be mailed to the medical authorities
0:13:44 > 0:13:47quicker than you can say, "Stick your tongue out."
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I personally have a lot of time for the police.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I really like the police, I admire them,
0:13:52 > 0:13:54to the point of affection.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Can't you do something about it, Sergeant Ball?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You know me, I'd love to, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02But they're clever buggers, they always watch their backs.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05I can't stand the hoity-toity sods.
0:14:05 > 0:14:10I'd like to have them one at a time in a dark urinal.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13I'd give them something to ponder on.
0:14:13 > 0:14:19But unfortunately, I'm limited by the constraints of the legal system.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21He's not a man to be messed with.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25'I like him. I really like him. I like him very much as a person.'
0:14:25 > 0:14:31Hey, Sarge, you know you asked me yesterday how do you keep an idiot in suspense? Yes.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Well, you said you'd tell me the answer today...
0:14:36 > 0:14:39..so...how do you do it, Sarge?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43So many policemen have told me every station has a Claude
0:14:43 > 0:14:47and he's the sort of cop that other cops admire.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Hey, Sarge, you used to be in a pop band, didn't you? Yes.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Look at this. Five grand.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57We could reinvest it in sex toys from the Far East.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59We could buy 100 rubber women with that
0:14:59 > 0:15:03with kissable lips and an instruction manual
0:15:03 > 0:15:06and then we could sell some of them on.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09There's a lucrative market for them amongst divorced, middle-aged men
0:15:09 > 0:15:11and farmers...
0:15:11 > 0:15:15We could clean up. We could form a duo, Sarge.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Good thinking.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Ball is understanding and forgiving of Claude's inadequacies,
0:15:20 > 0:15:23because he knows he has a good heart.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Both of them are really good friends of the Hepplewhite family,
0:15:26 > 0:15:30who Claude visits regularly to indulge his passion for cream cakes,
0:15:30 > 0:15:35which he gets from Mrs Coles's shop on the station account.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37So what else you been up to, Claude?
0:15:37 > 0:15:41Checking the contents of a sex shop in Porth. Oh, that's exciting.
0:15:41 > 0:15:46It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face at times with Mam's lines.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49When the audience were falling about with laughter
0:15:49 > 0:15:52and I knew the camera was coming to me and I had to react to this.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54It was nail bitingly difficult.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58One particular moment when Claude was talking about
0:15:58 > 0:16:01a break-in at a sex shop in Porth I remember.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I said... Mam was pouring tea and I said to Claude,
0:16:05 > 0:16:08"Was it robbery?" He says...
0:16:08 > 0:16:11?19.50 for a vibrating busy beaver, batteries not included.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14I call it robbery, aye.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Mam serving the tea says...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Cheap latex rubbish they are too.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24You could make a better one yourself with a lump of putty and an alarm clock.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30Now, I couldn't believe I would keep a straight face through that.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32It was just so painful.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Claude's defining characteristics,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I guess, involve
0:16:40 > 0:16:43sex and cream cakes.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I think that's what it boils down to.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49They're his two er...north and south.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51But he's just an innocent as well.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Most things revolve around where he can get his next cake from.
0:16:55 > 0:17:00You're looking very dapper today, Claude.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02We're on high alert, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Sergeant Ball has warned me I can't eat no cream cakes
0:17:06 > 0:17:08in case the cream falls on my tunic.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10That's sensible.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13They look nice, though.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I do love 'em.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20It's a VIP, see, visiting the area.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Who's that then, Claude?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I can't tell you, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27That's more than my job's worth. Security, see?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Official Secrets Act.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Oh, he's so professional, isn't he, Mary?
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Yes, he's a credit to his uniform. I've always said it. Ta, love.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40So you won't be going to the party tonight then, Claude?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44No, no. I'd like to, but...
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Do you think I could chance it? Have a cake.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50A cream horn. If I'm careful.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I mean, all the cream is held in in a cream horn.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56By the pastry, like.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I won't tell anyone, Claude.
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Nor me, love.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02All right. Just the one.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I'll use my hanky as a bib.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Bugger it!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Oh! No!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24He doesn't deal with real people very well, real women.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27I think he's fine with blokes. He knows where he stands.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29But no, women, he's hopeless.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31So...
0:18:35 > 0:18:38tell me what you look for first in a woman.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42The bit where you do attach the pump.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46You are a pervert, aren't you?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49I...I don't know.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55I bet you get up to all sorts of things.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Oh, aye.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59You and Sergeant Ball.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Oh, aye, aye.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05No, no, no, no, no, no. Sergeant Ball, he's a married man.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08He fathered a child. We don't...
0:19:08 > 0:19:11I'm not talking sex.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15I'm talking about bending the rules a bit.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Maybe more than a bit.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19You're an exciting guy.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I can see that.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Ah...I...
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Well, we do move in dangerous circles, like.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32You know, big-time criminals and that.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Er...we do often go to nightclubs
0:19:36 > 0:19:41and we force petty criminals
0:19:41 > 0:19:44to pay us money or we'll arrest them.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47Sergeant Ball does the actual forcing,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49but I keep watch.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Fascinating.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Ooh.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56What's this, then?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58That's my torch.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00So it is.
0:20:00 > 0:20:05What I found difficult was, because I'm a man of such vast intellect...
0:20:05 > 0:20:08dumbing down... THEY SNIGGER
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Very, very hard. Very hard, that's what I found.
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Charlie came very easily to me, I'm not sure why!
0:20:16 > 0:20:20This insect video isn't pornographic, Charl'.
0:20:20 > 0:20:24We're wasting our time. No-one's going to find them pornographic.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27They might. Do you find insects sexy?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Never thought about it. Well, think now!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Yeah. Yes?!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Aye, some insects. Them ones what eat each other while having it off.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Praying mantises - they were on Discovery.
0:20:39 > 0:20:44The woman bites the bloke's head off while he's on the job, he carries on without an 'ead.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Yeah, that's believable.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48He's got another brain in his arse.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:20:50 > 0:20:54Needless to say, like, but it's not erotic, is it?
0:20:54 > 0:20:55It is to praying mantises.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Praying mantises don't buy videos, do they?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02I've a particular liking for Hoffman
0:21:02 > 0:21:08and the reason I like his character so much is because there is an inference within his character
0:21:08 > 0:21:11that he might have a very successful future.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13There is something in him -
0:21:13 > 0:21:16a spark which suggests good things may happen in his life.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19That's true. A lot of people from the Valleys
0:21:19 > 0:21:22have difficult childhoods and go on to great things.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25There are a lot of talented and intelligent people.
0:21:25 > 0:21:29Hoffman is probably the most intelligent person in the series...
0:21:29 > 0:21:30I'd say, when it all boils down.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Probably more intelligent than Sgt Ball,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36although he has a great practicality which Hoffman doesn't have.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Over the series, I've quite enjoyed
0:21:39 > 0:21:44watching Hoffman making more decisions, um...
0:21:44 > 0:21:49There were a couple of instances in the later...the later series,
0:21:49 > 0:21:52where the whole, sort of,
0:21:52 > 0:21:56family unit is stumped about a problem
0:21:56 > 0:22:00and Hoffman all of a sudden comes up with the...a way out.
0:22:00 > 0:22:05I remember talking to Boyd and he'd said that was a conscious thing,
0:22:05 > 0:22:11you know, that Hoffman's intelligence, in comparison to the other characters, um...
0:22:11 > 0:22:16came to fruition through the series. That was nice to see and to act.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21The truth is, you learn more from failure than success in this business.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25It's repeated failure that's got me where I am today!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:28I'm very fond of him, yeah.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31I'm very fond of him and his quirks and...
0:22:31 > 0:22:33his general attitude and his failure.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37People like a failure, as long as they're funny!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Ask him! He might know where he is.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Aye, it's complicated though, see...he don't like me. Why not?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46I murdered his best friend, Dixie.
0:22:46 > 0:22:52I've got a theory. It was a total accident, but he was so pleased people thought he was a murderer,
0:22:52 > 0:22:55that he put his hands up and said, "Yes, I did it."
0:22:55 > 0:22:57You know I done time?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01Well, it was for the big one...
0:23:01 > 0:23:02murder.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Murder?
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Yeah. Only second-degree, like.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08LAUGHTER
0:23:08 > 0:23:10It was a bloke called Dixie.
0:23:10 > 0:23:17We was having this disagreement about a second-hand telly and he chased me up onto this roof...
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Pulling Richard's hair, he was. Aye. All right, all right, Mam.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26Anyway, he went over the edge and fell onto a spike in the garden.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I remember looking down at him...
0:23:29 > 0:23:33staring up at me with a spike sticking out of his chest.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35What was his last words?
0:23:35 > 0:23:40"The hole won't stop going round unless you stick your finger in the aerial socket."
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Aw, you boys don't want to fall out over a tart, man.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46It's no good, Claude. Hoffman is a parasite!
0:23:46 > 0:23:50I thought he was from Blackwood! He always wants what I've got.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51No, I don't!
0:23:51 > 0:23:56Yes, you do! Keep yer greasy hands off my girl or... Or what?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Or I'll give you a pasting!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I don't think he's a vastly dishonest person.
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I think, um...being dealt the hand he's been dealt,
0:24:06 > 0:24:08he knows how to grab an opportunity
0:24:08 > 0:24:12and make the best of a bad situation.
0:24:12 > 0:24:16The two boys have pretty much grown up on the streets.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19They could turn out a lot worse.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22MUSIC: "The Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Right, lads... no biting, no scratching,
0:24:31 > 0:24:33no head-butting, no strangling,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36no clawing at the crown jewels, no kneeing below the waist,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38no poisoning, no going for the eyes
0:24:38 > 0:24:40and definitely no knifing. Understand?
0:24:40 > 0:24:45Can we stick the boot in? No. That should have been on the list. All right, then? Aye. Bring it on.
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Let's rumble. Right. Shake hands, back to your corners.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Seconds out. Round one!
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Mrs Hepplewhite. BELL RINGS
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Ah!
0:25:05 > 0:25:09I wasn't looking! He hit me when I wasn't looking!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11That's not fair, surely!
0:25:11 > 0:25:15Not looking is a big mistake in the boxing ring, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I'll kill him!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27He's hiding behind Sgt Ball, man!
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Ooh!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I'll kill him! Aaargh!
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Fighting is never the answer.
0:25:41 > 0:25:45Well, this background I'm still trying to live it down!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47Everywhere I go, people bring it up.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58You working, love?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00No. I'm a widow.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02A widow.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Sounds good. What do you do?
0:26:04 > 0:26:08Polish ornaments, hoovering, cooking...
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Sounds great. How much?
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Well, all of it, except when we have takeaways.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17I'll give you 30 quid to... polish my ornaments.
0:26:17 > 0:26:1930 quid!
0:26:20 > 0:26:25Well, I-I would, only I can't now because I'm keeping watch.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Pity. You don't know of another old lady who'll polish 'em for me?
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Try outside the bingo when they're coming out.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Yeah? Thanks, Grandma.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Nice one. I'll recommend you to my friends.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Where are you going, Mam? Out, son.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43What are you taking the ironing board for?
0:26:43 > 0:26:48Well, I might need to do ironing while I'm out. You never know.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52In real life, I am not an entertainer.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Oh! There's my mam! Ha ha!
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Go on, Mam!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# I'm an old lady... #
0:27:03 > 0:27:06You can't bring new folk to this just like that.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09It's against the rules, innit? I dunno, Sarge.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Oh, it's not.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15MUSIC BLARES FROM TV
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Come on, Mam! That's my mam!
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Go on, Mam!
0:27:39 > 0:27:41When I did the strip...
0:27:41 > 0:27:44and the rap, um...
0:27:44 > 0:27:46what I loved about that costume
0:27:46 > 0:27:50was the number of under layers she had on for the so-called strip.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52There were about 4,000 straps.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57Like a vest and a that-wide strap and a bra and a...
0:27:57 > 0:28:01You name it, I had about six straps that I had to get off one by one.
0:28:01 > 0:28:05# I'm an old lady I'm a very old lady
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# I'm a sweet old lady and my hair is white
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# I'm an old lady with a surgical stocking
0:28:09 > 0:28:11# I'm reeling and rocking and I'm 5' 3"! #
0:28:11 > 0:28:15The one you were swinging your colostomy bag around in?
0:28:15 > 0:28:20It was, er... Steve's wonderful line after that.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24"I bet there wasn't a rush for seats in the front row for that."
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Actually, the opening dance sequence
0:28:27 > 0:28:30contains scenes from five different places
0:28:30 > 0:28:36because I thought it sensible to protect the innocent, or guilty, whichever way you look at it!
0:28:36 > 0:28:39You should have kept your knickers on.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42I didn't want to disappoint my public, son.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45No, well, thank God it wasn't in widescreen.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49You must be the oldest stripper in Wales, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52No. There's a 92-year-old woman
0:28:52 > 0:28:58who appears regular every Sunday lunchtime at the Pont-Y-Cwm Social Club, so Mrs Coles tells me.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01She finishes her act by disconnecting her colostomy bag
0:29:01 > 0:29:04and swinging it round her head.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09I bet there's no rush for seats in the front few rows, like!
0:29:15 > 0:29:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:18 > 0:29:21E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk