0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains adult humour
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Hi, Boyd Clack here with another walk down memory lane.
0:00:21 > 0:00:27- So, have you ever questioned your sexuality then, Fagin?- No.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29I've never actually talked to it, no.
0:00:29 > 0:00:33The mythical village of Cwn-Pen-Ol, Backside Valley,
0:00:33 > 0:00:39where our action takes place has been traded in the tradition of Llareggub. from Under Milkwood,
0:00:39 > 0:00:42with its panoply of eccentric, yet identifiable inhabitants.
0:00:42 > 0:00:48There's Mrs Coles, the shopkeeper, her UFO-obsessed husband, Walter.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53Claude, the none too bright constable, always under the sharp eye of Sergeant Ball.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56The alcoholic vicar, the endless no-good boyos,
0:00:56 > 0:01:00the preening womanisers, the petty thieves and ne'er do wells.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03The beautiful women and the desperate men.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Sergeant Ball?
0:01:06 > 0:01:11- Yes. - WPC Holly Nash, I'm your secondment.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Ah, yes, nice to have you with us, Nash.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19This is Constable Claude Cox. He's a legend in these parts.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Hello, Constable Cox.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Hi. Very nice to, er...
0:01:24 > 0:01:30to meet with your acquaintance, Miss...Ivy?
0:01:30 > 0:01:32It's Holly.
0:01:32 > 0:01:37Claude will take you on patrol with him, introduce you to the locals, show you round.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Thank you, Sarge, I'll just go and strain the parsnips first, if I may.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Down the stairs, third on the left.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Thank you, Sarge.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- She's a living doll, Sarge. - Yeah, she is.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Sometimes I'm walking down the road and I see a young couple
0:01:55 > 0:01:58approaching with a pram and a couple of children.
0:01:58 > 0:02:0125 to 30 yards away, their faces light up and smile.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05They come up and talk to me, sometimes calling me Sergeant Ball
0:02:05 > 0:02:09and we discuss a particular episode, or some such thing.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13To see the joy it brings to people is immensely satisfying.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- I think you might be in there, Claude.- Me?
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- You don't think so, do you?- I do.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24WPCs are notoriously promiscuous, as you know.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28This one, she's well educated and intelligent too.
0:02:28 > 0:02:34Such woman are often drawn to thick, ugly men for the novelty value.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39The more people that we meet in the street that come up to us and talk about it, is we realise
0:02:39 > 0:02:42it does touch people's hearts and
0:02:42 > 0:02:48because it's about universal themes that everybody can relate to.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51It's difficult to pull out one show or one character.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57It is so well written, it's so funny and I've lived in the valley
0:02:57 > 0:03:01all my life and the humour I'm seeing on screen is something
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I've seen and heard all my life. It's bang on.
0:03:04 > 0:03:08It can sometimes be an exaggerated humour, which it is,
0:03:08 > 0:03:13but we grow up with one-liners, the put downs, the funny.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16There's names that pop up all the time, we have nicknames for people.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18It's all there on the show.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, Sergeant Ball has sent you two presents.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24The first one is this.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29Oh, that's fantastic man, that's better than my old one.
0:03:29 > 0:03:35Aye, Sergeant Ball discovered it in the bedroom of a house we was investigating after a break-in.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38People do always assume it was took by the thieves, like.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40It's an old police trick.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Claude was great to play
0:03:44 > 0:03:48because he's such a naive fool.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52What was great about him was the fact that you could say
0:03:52 > 0:03:57all this outrageous stuff, much like Maggie can in the scripts
0:03:57 > 0:04:02But there's no...it didn't come across as seedy or horrible.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06It could easily have gone in that direction but because of the way
0:04:06 > 0:04:10it's been written, and the feel of the whole piece,
0:04:10 > 0:04:13they're all sort of innocents and no matter how extreme
0:04:13 > 0:04:17some of the language is or the imagery, then, I think.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22Because they're innocent and there's not a malicious bone in their body,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24you can get away with far more.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27What do you think of sexual positions, Mr Hepplewhite?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30They're all right.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33My favourite is doggy fashion.
0:04:34 > 0:04:39For God's sake, Mam, you shouldn't go telling people what your favourite sexual position is!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Not at your age!- It's only Claude.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- And in front of the boys. - The boys don't mind, do you, boys?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- No, it's all right. - I find it interesting, I do.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Aye.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55- What's your favourite sexual position then, Mr Hepplewhite?- Mine?
0:04:55 > 0:04:59In front of the telly with a can of ginger beer in my other hand.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03Aye, aye, slapping little Johnny, is it?
0:05:03 > 0:05:07He's always doing it, I hear him through the wall some nights.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Mam!
0:05:08 > 0:05:12He lost all feeling in one of his arms when he was 15.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Mam, I've had enough of this. I am putting my foot down.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19So I enjoyed the innocent, naive aspects of him
0:05:19 > 0:05:23as well as being able to say things like, "Back door, Barbara"
0:05:23 > 0:05:28and actually visit a couple of sex shops in the process of filming.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30That was enjoyable.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32What have you been up to late, Claude?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36I've purchased a new love doll from that shop in Ponty.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Bendy Wendy her name is.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42If the actors are secure in the script
0:05:42 > 0:05:44you don't get any egos,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47you don't get any problems and one of the reasons we don't on this
0:05:47 > 0:05:50is because by and large the work on the scripts are done...
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Obviously when I get the script from the writers,
0:05:53 > 0:05:57I then work with them until before we start,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00and we'll have got the scripts, hopefully, 99%,
0:06:00 > 0:06:02as they're going to be done.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04So when the actors get the scripts,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07and Boyd, incidentally, doesn't have the same ego.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12He's open to notes, he'll discuss things and if you say, "This doesn't work, will you have another go?"
0:06:12 > 0:06:15His immediate reaction is, "Yes, I'll do it."
0:06:15 > 0:06:19There's no, "How dare you touch a line of my manuscript?"
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Then when the actors get them, they're, I feel, secure it is a very good script.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29So all they have to do is learn the lines and not fall over the furniture.
0:06:29 > 0:06:34I normally receive the scripts at my house in London and I'd sit down
0:06:34 > 0:06:36with a tea or coffee and pour through them.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39I always love it when you have two, three pages
0:06:39 > 0:06:42of the boys' scenes that started off plot driven,
0:06:42 > 0:06:45you've got to deal with what's happening in the episode
0:06:45 > 0:06:49and they'd have a moment of reflection on where they are
0:06:49 > 0:06:52and how they came to be here and things.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Will you miss your mam, Charl, when she's living in Australia, like?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Won't make no difference to me.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I never see her now and she's only living in Neath.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05My mam's pretty, she is, but...
0:07:06 > 0:07:07But what, Charlie?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12I used to be in the way, see.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14She'd bring a punter home, like.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Well, a punter don't like to see kids about cos it reminds
0:07:17 > 0:07:21them of their own kids and wife and it makes them feel guilty and that.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25So my mam would wake me up, phone when she was on the way back, like,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28and I'd get up and wait outside on the steps till he'd gone.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32I like that about comedies, I like that three, four series in,
0:07:32 > 0:07:36you can afford yourself the luxury of having a scene
0:07:36 > 0:07:38that isn't gag driven, that is character driven.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43My mam and dad used to row all the time.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46They never hit me, like.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48They never talked to me, either.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51My mam hit me sometimes.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54She used to think I'd pinched money from her purse.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56She'd give me a right pasting.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Funny things, mams, boys.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I don't know where I'd be without my mam since my dad died, like.
0:08:05 > 0:08:10My mam reckons my dad was either a Leeds United supporter or a coach driver.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Doesn't she know him?
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Well, them big car parks are badly lit in the winter.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18He paid her in 50p pieces, she remembers that!
0:08:18 > 0:08:21What's that you sucking off, man?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Rinstead pastel, Fagin.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24What did you get them for?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26A sign in the chemist window
0:08:26 > 0:08:29said buy Rinstead pastels and get instant oral relief.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30We thought it was a special offer, like.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33When Boy asked the girl behind the counter she slapped him in the face!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36It was only a joke.
0:08:39 > 0:08:45When you know a character enough to laugh at them it's even more touching when you find out
0:08:45 > 0:08:49tragedy that's happened to them,
0:08:49 > 0:08:54because Freud says laughter comes out of tension.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Do you reckon Fagin is mental, Hoff?
0:08:57 > 0:09:02- Mental?- Aye, I mean, a lot of people think he is.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03No.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06He's sensitive, he is, Charl.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10- Mental's when you think you're Jesus or something.- Oh, right.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12I had an uncle who thought he was an horse.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14An horse, why did he think that?
0:09:14 > 0:09:18I don't know, no-one could ever catch him to ask.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Ex-Teddy boy, Fagin, is haunted by the death of his one-legged father
0:09:23 > 0:09:28and his own unintentional murder of his best friend, Dixie.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Dickie-e-e.- Dixie?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Is that you?
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Yes. I've...I've been wandering in limbo.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44Listen, Dixie, I never meant to kill you, I'm sorry.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47No, it's out in the cold now.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50The second-hand telly you sold me wasn't working proper.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55The Golden Shot was on, the vertical hole kept going up and down.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57I lost my temper.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I ran over to your house.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Yes, you dragged Richard out of the house by his hair.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Standing there, on that shed roof, I had a brainwave.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13All of a sudden I thought, "If I had an accident now,
0:10:13 > 0:10:16"right there and then in view of all the people watching,
0:10:16 > 0:10:21"then they couldn't say I was making it up! I'd get on the sick."
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I only wanted to get on the sick.
0:10:23 > 0:10:29I decided to fall off the shed roof and say my back was buggered.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33My plan went perfectly except for one unseen snag.
0:10:33 > 0:10:38The upturned spike hidden in the deep grass in the garden below.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Aye, I landed on it, flat on my back.
0:10:40 > 0:10:44I stared down at it raising out of my chest like an harpoon.
0:10:44 > 0:10:50I remember your face looking down at me, like a big, suet pudding.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Then everything faded.
0:10:52 > 0:10:57Fagin, with his history of repeated failure, he's a broken man.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00A sad case, as he's often referred to.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04On top of all this he is bedevilled with piles, pleurisy
0:11:04 > 0:11:11and he's dogged by an hallucinatory baboon by the name of Loping Ted.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Oh, from his dim and distant past, I would imagine.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Total figment of his imagination, but I guess people do get it.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22I've never heard of anyone being haunted by a baboon before.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23It can happen, I suppose.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25A baboon he was.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Loping Ted.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31A figment of my imagination the shrink said he was.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34It was easy enough for him to say!
0:11:34 > 0:11:37He didn't have the hairy bastard swinging in and out
0:11:37 > 0:11:41of his bedroom window at all hours of the night and sticking
0:11:41 > 0:11:43his fingers up his nose trying to wake him up!
0:11:43 > 0:11:46I love a lot of them, actually, they were wonderful.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49I...I...yes, same here.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52There's three or four that really stood out for me. One was, erm...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55I loved the one where he thought he was farting himself to death.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59I thought that was just so absurd.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04Wonderful, gems of scenes in it with the doctor and so on.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06HE FARTS
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Oh, it smells like an Afghan brothel in here.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- Hepplewhite, what have you been eating?- Nothing, doctor.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17So what's the problem?
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I've been breaking wind with unnatural frequency and ferocity, doctor.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Charming! These are your medical notes.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Look, you see what's stamped on the cover in red.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32"Recidivist neurotic". What does that mean?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34It's medical speak for nutter.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38That episode with my mother coming back is probably my favourite.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42It was lovely to work with somebody else in the group of four of us
0:12:42 > 0:12:45because before that I don't think we'd had a lot of scenes
0:12:45 > 0:12:47with other characters in the house.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52It was nice for me to have that mother figure to act with.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Mam, mam!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- Hello, how's tricks?- Great, great.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Hoff, Hoff, this is my mam.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02- All right?- Fagin, Mrs Hepplewhite, this is her.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Lisa, who played my mother, was absolutely brilliant in it as well.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- And this is the post box. - It's very nice.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13They don't pick up letters from it no more, like, because the postman do get attacked and that.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Aye, but it still works and that.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You can still put letters in it, like.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Aye.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24But it was a nice, different dynamic into the group.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Sergeant Ball!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27- He's a copper.- No, he's all right.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29All right, Sarge?
0:13:29 > 0:13:32All right, lads. Who's this, then?
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- It's my mam. - Oh, yes, please to meet you, madam.
0:13:34 > 0:13:39Likewise, I'm sure. Charlie, here's a fiver, go to the shop and get some sweets for you and your friend.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Can we get Rinstead pastels from the chemist instead?- Whatever.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Oh, great. Come on, Hoff.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48So, you're the law around here, are you?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51It was nice for me to stretch my wings a bit because it was
0:13:51 > 0:13:54the first episode where I had a bit more to do.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56They must be a burden to you both.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59No, they're lovely boys, both of them.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I don't know what we'd do without them. We love them both, don't we, Richard?
0:14:03 > 0:14:07When you have a character like Mam that Boyd clearly loves writing,
0:14:07 > 0:14:10he invents almost, on a series basis,
0:14:10 > 0:14:13a new bit of her history that we've not heard of.
0:14:13 > 0:14:18It is invariably funny but it is also invariably told
0:14:18 > 0:14:22without any degree of salaciousness.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26I mean, Mam could talk matter of factly about things
0:14:26 > 0:14:29which take away any nastiness from them,
0:14:29 > 0:14:33although some of the things that she clearly got up to in her past were fairly racy.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37I used to ride horses on my Uncle Lewis's farm when I was a girl.
0:14:37 > 0:14:43It was on a horse that the idea of becoming an erotic entertainer first came to me.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Ah, well, let's not go into that now, Mam, shall we?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I used to ride bareback along those cobbled roads.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I had my first orgasm on a horse.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Oh, for God's sake, Mam!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58A woman your age shouldn't be talking about having orgasms!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Why not? I talk about caravan holidays
0:15:01 > 0:15:05and I've never had one of those for 20 years either.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09The fact that she's been an erotic dancer
0:15:09 > 0:15:12and she's had lovers galore.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15I used to be an erotic dancer, you see.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Really?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- Me too!- Never!
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- What's your name?- Daisy O'Toole.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I used to perform under the name of Margaret Evans.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- What's your name?- Elsie Hepplewhite.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30My stage name was Fifi Lamour.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Not THE Fifi Lamour?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37- Yes!- Good God!
0:15:37 > 0:15:38- You're a legend!- Oh!
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Now, is it true that you once demonstrated
0:15:42 > 0:15:4668 sexual positions in front of Aneurin Bevan?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Yes. In the Conservative Club at Ton Pentre.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52He's never laughed so much in all of his life, he said.
0:15:52 > 0:15:58There were many lines I never wanted to say, but...
0:15:58 > 0:16:00my director always
0:16:00 > 0:16:02insisted that I said them.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And I'd say, "But she wouldn't say that," and he said,
0:16:05 > 0:16:07"That's why it'll get a laugh."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10And he was always right, unfortunately.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11And it did.
0:16:12 > 0:16:17Once or twice with Margaret, who is a lovely, hugely experienced actress,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19there has been once or twice where,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21although she enjoys and loves the character,
0:16:21 > 0:16:23even she has been slightly shocked.
0:16:23 > 0:16:28There we go, have a glass of this lovely Nasti Spumante.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Fantastic!
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Oh, cheers, Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35- That's not Asti Spumante you've got there, mind.- No, I don't like it.
0:16:35 > 0:16:36It gives me wind.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39Mine's a penis colada.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45We learned early on that the way in which the character can get away
0:16:45 > 0:16:48with it is to enjoy telling the story.
0:16:48 > 0:16:54So I would say to Margaret, "You've just done that passage, and it was right, and you'll get the laughs,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57"but there was a feeling you were slightly shocked by it
0:16:57 > 0:16:59"or disapproving, and you mustn't do that.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03"If you say it with either in a totally matter-of-fact way
0:17:03 > 0:17:07"or if you actually enjoy it, then the audience will as well."
0:17:07 > 0:17:10That's the only time Maggie ever needs some direction.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13She's an instinctively good actress and a good player.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18- ..reckons he's an Oedipus. - A what?
0:17:18 > 0:17:21It's Italian, Mam. It means he wants to shag old women.
0:17:21 > 0:17:27- Do you think so? - Well, yes. Yeah, I do.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29People say it's not like the valleys, but it is.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It's a little bit more extended, but I like the fact
0:17:32 > 0:17:35they're all a bit like people in the valleys. Fab.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I like all of them, but it's got to be Mrs Hepplewhite.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40She is a rare character.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Do you know anyone like her?- No. I wish I had a gran like her, mind!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- That'd be all right, wouldn't it? - Yeah.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Mam reminds me so much of my nan! - Really?- Yeah.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- There is an official branch of the Mafia in Wales.- Is there?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Oh, aye. The Taffia, it's called.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57The Welsh-speaking Mafia.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01They make you an offer you can't understand.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Hey, good one! Good one!
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Really good writing, and just funny and just a lovely programme to watch.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12I have heard some people suggest that High Hopes
0:18:12 > 0:18:18somehow portrays a limited or even negative view of Welsh society.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I couldn't disagree with that more.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Oh, Harriet. What do you want?
0:18:25 > 0:18:27I'm Charlie's mother. I've come to see him.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Charlie's mother? The prostitute?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Well, it's better than walking the streets.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37Sit down, love. Would you like a cup of tea? It's already made.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Ta.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46So, how much do you charge, then?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Standard rates.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Special discount for OAPs and groups.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I'm a businessman myself, see, an entrepreneur, like.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- Yeah, Charlie mentioned it on his postcard.- Aye, aye.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Aye, he's a good lad, is Charlie.
0:19:01 > 0:19:06Here we are, then. These biscuits are 80p a packet in the pound shop.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12The boys, who have bought into Fagin's delusions in many ways
0:19:12 > 0:19:15act as a catalyst for adventure and fun.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19Both of them are as dull as brushes and as good as gold.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22'Ey, there should be a programme on about ganja, Charl.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25We should suggest it. Hey, we could present it!
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Like Ant and Dec's Saturday Takeaway.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Great idea! But what would we call it?
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Top Gear.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Which was your favourite ever show?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41I'm not sure, because most of them were really good.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You can't just pick one.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47They're just so amazing and they just crack me up all the time.
0:19:47 > 0:19:52Oh, there have been a few that I really enjoyed.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56I enjoyed the rap one. That was good.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I enjoyed the Prince of Wales one.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02That was OK, the fact she just didn't believe it was the Prince of Wales, you know?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Prince Charles? You're having me on.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Very good, though. You might win.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11And then there was the one with Howell Bennett,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14when Bob came down the stairs
0:20:14 > 0:20:16in his frock and I nearly died.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Well?
0:20:25 > 0:20:32- You look lovely, son. - Unbelievable! Aye, unbelievable.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34I feel a right wally.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38And I liked the one with Chris Needs on the phone.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42A lot of people, apparently, a number of people have said,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45"Oh, the one I liked was that one on the phone."
0:20:45 > 0:20:48How did you decide which one of us to keep?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50We kept the ugliest one.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59We thought the other one would have more of a chance in life anyway.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Well, if I'm the one that got the looks,
0:21:02 > 0:21:04God help him, that's all I can say.
0:21:04 > 0:21:09It was weird for me to do intimate scenes, close scenes, and not be with Steve.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11So I had to learn to trust somebody else.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15# We are young, we run free
0:21:15 > 0:21:20# We got teeth, nice and clean See our friends
0:21:20 > 0:21:21# See the sights
0:21:21 > 0:21:23# Feel all right
0:21:25 > 0:21:28# We wake up, we go out
0:21:28 > 0:21:31# Smoke a fag, put it out
0:21:31 > 0:21:36# See our friends, see the sights Feel all right
0:21:39 > 0:21:41# And we like you,
0:21:41 > 0:21:44# I can be sure
0:21:44 > 0:21:48# Off the scene as she turns
0:21:48 > 0:21:52# We are strange in our hearts But we are young
0:21:52 > 0:21:54# We get by
0:21:54 > 0:21:57# Don't go mad, ain't got time
0:21:57 > 0:22:02# Sleep around, if we like But we're all right... #
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- Arm wrestle.- Aye, all right.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13- Yes!- Best of three.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16All right. No, argh! Hang on.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Oh, I've hurt my neck.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21You all right? Yeah. I think I've pulled something.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23Oh, it hurts like hell.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Oh, I can't get at it properly.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Rub it for me, Charlie.- Er, aye, all right.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Argh! Oh, yeah!
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh!
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Oh, lovely!- I gotta go!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41All right?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Where will you go, love?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- Cardiff, Mrs Hepplewhite.- Oh!
0:22:45 > 0:22:49I'll just drift along in the gay scene.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53I suppose I'll end up where all gay young blokes from the valleys end up.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Working for S4C, is it?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59We'll stand by you.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02We all will. It's not your fault.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04we don't love you any the less.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07No, right enough. It's just bad luck, it is.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11- Thanks, Mrs Hepplewhite. - You've always got a home here.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'm proud of you, I am.
0:23:13 > 0:23:18I saw a woman on TV, on Tricia, and she was wearing a T-shirt
0:23:18 > 0:23:20with "I'm proud of my gay son"
0:23:20 > 0:23:22written on the front of it. I'll get one.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26I'll wear it all the time. I'll show them, Mrs Coles, the lot of them.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Er, hang on, Mam.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30I'm your son!
0:23:32 > 0:23:36All right. "I'm proud of my son's gay apprentice"
0:23:36 > 0:23:38I'll have on the front.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- Is that all right?- Aye. Aye.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43My mam said I can go and live with her and her new bloke in Australia.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46But I don't want to live in Australia.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51All that sunshine and beaches and beautiful birds in bikinis.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55When we say in each episode we like to have a certain sort of theme,
0:23:55 > 0:24:03I think the overall theme of all of them is human kindness and
0:24:03 > 0:24:06love, for want of a better word!
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Why don't I want to live in Australia?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Because you're Welsh, man!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Welsh blokes don't like that.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14We like the rain. You know?
0:24:14 > 0:24:18And misty mountains and drunken tarts in high heels
0:24:18 > 0:24:21and mini skirts up to their arses!
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Aye, you're right!
0:24:22 > 0:24:27Ball's justice is based on good and evil and right and wrong
0:24:27 > 0:24:30and not on a list of man-made rules.
0:24:30 > 0:24:36Indeed, he is not averse to a little bit of chicanery himself.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38You must be lonely, Sergeant Ball.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42Well, I would be, Mrs Hepplewhite, but I'm on drugs.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44What drugs are you on, Sergeant Ball?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Ecstasy, Mrs Coles. It takes the edge off.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Where do you get hold of them, then, Sergeant Ball?
0:24:50 > 0:24:55I confiscated them off Paul Starkey, a well-known drug dealer and halfwit from Treforest, Mrs Coles.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Treforest Gump, people call him. Don't they, Sarge?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Amongst other things, yes.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Claude thinks Sergeant Ball is...
0:25:03 > 0:25:06well, a rock, he's his father figure
0:25:06 > 0:25:09and he's also his best friend, and he knows he's
0:25:09 > 0:25:13sort of safe with him and he'll do his best to please him at all times.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19I'm off, Claude.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Constance and Angel will be waiting for me.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26- Good to have a family.- Aye.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Still, I'll be all right.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31- You won't be lonely?- No, no, no, no.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I'll be fine, Sarge.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37I'll finish slicing the turkey and then I'll take some sandwiches
0:25:37 > 0:25:40down to Filbert Phillips and his brothers in the cells.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44It's only fair, them having acquired the bird in the first place.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46I ain't giving Malcolm and the elves none, though.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48They can whistle for it.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52Then I'll have my own Christmas supper, get my head down
0:25:52 > 0:25:53and wait for Santa.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Fair enough. Good night, Claude, then.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58And a very merry Christmas to you.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02So long, Arthur.
0:26:02 > 0:26:08# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. #
0:26:08 > 0:26:12And I think he's probably seen Claude through a lot of
0:26:12 > 0:26:16strange stuff that he's done on his own and sort of helped him out.
0:26:16 > 0:26:22So I think he sort of loves Sergeant Ball, in a sort of fraternal and paternal way.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26I am a police sergeant, and I'm a right bastard. You ask anyone.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29I am not in a good mood, so I'll get straight to the point.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I have a friend who is being driven to suicide by his agoraphobia,
0:26:32 > 0:26:35and I want you to treat him. Now. Immediately.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37His name is Richard Hepplewhite.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39He's a local businessman. He won't be on his own.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43His mother will be with him, and his two lodgers.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48And a police constable named Claude Cox.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Do not mess me about.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54All right, yeah.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- Do you know the show?- Yes. It's a brilliant show.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I am familiar with it. I've seen a number of episodes
0:26:58 > 0:27:02being filmed and I've seen it on telly again, and it translates well.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05It's very funny when you're in the studio and it's very funny when it's on telly.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08It really gives that valleys humour, typical valleys humour.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11The success of High Hopes...
0:27:11 > 0:27:15I honestly can't say it's surprised me, because I like it,
0:27:15 > 0:27:19and from my point of view, I can see why people like it.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23I think it has qualities that address ordinary people.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27I'm an ordinary person myself, and I talk in the same language as ordinary people.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30I'm very pleased how successful it is.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I get kissed on the cheek and I give you a kiss on the cheek.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37I was trying shoes on the other day in a shop and there was one guy
0:27:37 > 0:27:43standing there, and he was watching me trying these shoes on, and he said, "Where's Fagin?"
0:27:43 > 0:27:46I said, "Actually, he's in South America at the moment."
0:27:46 > 0:27:50And then a guy approached from the side, and he said, "Can I kiss you on the cheek?
0:27:50 > 0:27:53"Well, can I kiss you?" So I proffered the side of my face.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55He kissed me. He said, "There we are."
0:27:55 > 0:27:58"When I see you on the box now, I can say, 'I've kissed her.'"
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Does your mother like Thai cuisine?
0:28:00 > 0:28:05- 'Ey? Why are you taking my mam to the pictures?- Just a date.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06- A date?- Yeah.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Like, with a girl, like?
0:28:10 > 0:28:11Well, yeah!
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- But my mam is 75!- I know.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17I'm not worried. I like older women.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Hang on, hang on, are you telling me that you are
0:28:21 > 0:28:23after my mam?
0:28:23 > 0:28:28It would be nice if we could develop a friendship, that we'll click, but I wouldn't force her uninvited.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31'Ere, now, hang on, hang on. Let's get this straight.
0:28:32 > 0:28:33Hello, Jamie, love.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Elsie! Wow!
0:28:39 > 0:28:42You look a million dollars!
0:28:42 > 0:28:45- These are for you.- Thank you, Jamie.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47Ah, Richard, look.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49Put them in a nice vase for me.
0:28:49 > 0:28:51You...
0:28:51 > 0:28:54- You can't go to the pictures with him, Mam!- Why not?
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Because. Because he fancies you!
0:28:56 > 0:29:00- No, he's just being friendly, that's all.- No, no, Mam!
0:29:00 > 0:29:02Elsie, we'd better be off.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Film starts at seven.
0:29:05 > 0:29:09- Bye, son. Don't wait up.- No, Mam!
0:29:10 > 0:29:13- Mam! Mam! - DOOR SHUTS
0:29:16 > 0:29:19Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:29:19 > 0:29:22E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk