0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains strong language.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Do you want something from the fridge?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54What a dick.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Still waiting for my apology.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Well, you'll be waiting a long time for an apology, cos if I'm not getting one, I'm not giving you.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01You're not...you're not getting one.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Oh, well done.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09"You want something from the fridge?" You dick!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Don't put that on the bed!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16- Are you deaf?- Don't throw my shoes.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- Well, don't put 'em on the bed, then. - Don't throw my shoes.- Well, don't put 'em on the bed, then.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23You dick.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Jamie's gay, Steve -
0:01:27 > 0:01:31I've known him since I was seven, how many times do I have to say it?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34I...don't...care, Becky.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38- He doesn't even sound...- How long are you going to keep that up?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39He doesn't even sound gay.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43He just sits there laughing at himself. You let him try your drink.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49I'm not speaking to you till I get an apology.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56And what's all this about Stephen Fry?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59PFFT!
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Oh, could you stop farting?
0:02:01 > 0:02:02- I had a dhansak.- Your farts stink.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Course they stink, they come out of my arse.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08PFFT!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Ooh...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Why did you tell him you liked Stephen Fry?
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I knew you'd pick that up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17What is there to like about Stephen Fry?!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19I saw you biting your straw.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Just cos earring boy likes him.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Sometimes people agree with people, because it's easier than disagreeing with them, Steve.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27His adverts are shit, Becky!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31You've said...about 154 times.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33He's not funny - he's just posh.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35What's funny about being posh? I'm funnier than him.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Yeah, you're hilarious(!)
0:02:37 > 0:02:40He abandoned that play in the middle of its run.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43What do you care if Stephen Fry abandoned a play in the middle of its run?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45My mum had tickets. PFFT!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Just do a poo.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I don't need to do a poo - I'm gassy.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55I'm not speaking to you until you apologise to me.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01What am I apologising for?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- For what you said.- What did I say?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08I'm not telling you if you can't remember.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Well, Becky...- You said...
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- that thing.- What thing?- The thing.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Oh, what thing?- The thing, I don't know, the thing you said.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I can't remember either. - Oh, well, how am I supposed to apologise if you can't...?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Just apologise to me.- No-er!
0:03:22 > 0:03:23DOORBELL
0:03:27 > 0:03:29It's your door.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- I'm not opening it. - It wasn't me that invited 'em back.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Steve.- Hm, hm, hm.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37DOORBELL
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Becks! Becks! - Hey, I was getting worried about you.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49You've just missed the most amazing thing.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53- Jamie did the most amazing thing. - Steve, it was so funny, right - we were just walking...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Paul was being sick in a hedge, I think there's something wrong with his tummy.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57..this tramp and I go up to him, and he's just sitting there...
0:03:57 > 0:04:01An allergy to something, to drinking too much, I think it's the yeast...
0:04:01 > 0:04:04And I go up to him, and he's like asleep, and I'm looking at him,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- like trying to gauge you know if he's got a knife or whatever... - ..and the tramp's going,
0:04:07 > 0:04:12- "Where's my hat?"- ..grab it off his head, and he's like, "Give me my hat back, I want my hat back!"
0:04:12 > 0:04:15And we legged it! It was so funny, Becks!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17We just fucking legged it.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20So where's the hat now?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Ta-da!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Fucking traffic cone!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Let's get some food, I'm starving.
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Yeah, helps yourselves, make yourselves at home.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- I want a French Fancy.- OK, Paul.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Hey, I've got cheese!
0:04:44 > 0:04:45What?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- Is that called a traffic cone? - Don't know.
0:04:52 > 0:05:00- Innit weird when there's this thing you see every day...? - Steve...apologise.- No.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03If I don't get a French Fancy, someone's going to get hurt.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Paul.- Fuck yourself.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Oi, everyone, I've got chee-eese!
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Oi, like, you don't speak to me in that manner - you're not at work now.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Ouzo!- Cheese!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Listen...
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Don't tell me to listen.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27I... Just listen.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31If I want to listen, I'll listen - don't tell me to listen.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Look...- Don't tell me to look either.
0:05:35 > 0:05:41- If you can't remember what I said, it can't have been that bad. - Oh, stop being a prick, Steve.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Here they are!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Let's play a drinking game. - Yeah, woo, woo!
0:05:50 > 0:05:53I don't want you sitting with him.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57He's got all these CD's, Shell, and they're all completely rubbish.
0:05:57 > 0:06:03- Hey, Becks, been watching that Kingdom again?- What's Kingdom?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Oh, it's that programme with Stephen Fry where he's a...- Have you got any decent music, Steve?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- Came out a few years ago, it's brilliant.- Yeah? - Oh, he's so good in it.- Ouzo!
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- Oh, no - sorry, mate, that was a present.- Suck your own dick.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I think I might phone Derek, see if he wants to meet up.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Have you got any music that isn't the Stereophonics, Steve?
0:06:19 > 0:06:23- The man's a genius or something. - Seriously, mate, it's from my mum.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Oh, so why don't you go and lick her fucking ovaries?
0:06:27 > 0:06:32A novelist, he's an actor, a director, he writes films, he wrote My Fair Lady.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- Did he?- And he's a comedian, don't forget that.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37He's literally got no decent music. There's literally nothing in here that anyone's ever heard of.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41He's got a swimming pool, Laur. Shagged in it.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Hey has anyone seen that montage of planes blowing up?
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- No.- Ooh, Paul, you've gotta see it, it's fucking hilarious.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Can you make sure you don't get crumbs on the bed?- "Oh, can you not get crumbs on the bed?"
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- He's had you there, Steve. - Yeah. I don't sound like that.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Clearly.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Just wait, Shelly - I'm trying my level best.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Steve, have you got any decent music?
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Yeah, I've got loads of decent music. Have a look at my iPod.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06"I've got loads of decent music - how about Phil Collins?"
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I didn't say Phil Collins.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10How do you know I like Phil Collins?
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- Oh, that's brilliant! - His drumming's out of this world.
0:07:15 > 0:07:20Here it is - they're all passenger planes smashing into runways, explode in mid-air.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Ah, fucking ace!
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- (Stop what?- Him! - You're being pathetic.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- (You're flirting with him. - No, I'm not.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37(You're eating his cheese.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38(So?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- (It's sexy!- What!)
0:07:43 > 0:07:46You eating cheese is sexy.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Wow, Steve, you really know how to charm a girl.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER THEN DOORBELL
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Oi, he did a double flip. Did a double flip.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Sorry, mate, are we being too loud?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12No, no, not at all.
0:08:12 > 0:08:18- Having fun?- Yeah, Becky's flirting with Jamie, they're watching real people die - it's brilliant.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Ah, sounds nice. Ooh, traffic cone.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- That's funny.- Hm.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- It's not called a traffic cone. - Traffic island?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Mm, no, that's the concrete bit in the middle of the road.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Sleeping policeman?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- Are we really doing this? - OK, well, er,
0:08:34 > 0:08:37just been on my own upstairs.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Listened to 5 Live. Ate a gateau.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Do you wanna come in?- Oh, thank you.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Didn't think it would be that easy.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- Shelly here?- Yeah.
0:08:50 > 0:08:55- She's really drunk.- Oh, it's the best news I've had all day. - HE BURPS
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Tastes of gateau.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Let's play a drinking game!
0:09:01 > 0:09:06In a minute, Jamie, I'm going to be asking you to write the name of a celebrity on it.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- You understand?- Yes.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Hello, hello, hello.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13What's going on here, then?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15We're playing a drinking game, Dan.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18You can sit down and keep yourself to yourself, and don't say a word.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20You all right, Dan?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Yeah.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Don't come in - I'm pissing.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Get out! Get out!
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Is that how you piss?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34OK, so has everyone got a piece of a paper or a pen or a pencil?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Um, Becks, can I have a word?
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Ooh!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Sorry about that, mate.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Paul pisses like a woman.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02What do you mean?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I just walked in on Paul in the toilet, and he pisses like a woman. He was sat on the toilet.
0:10:05 > 0:10:11- How do you know he wasn't pooing? - Well, he said he was pissing. - Well, everyone says they're pissing.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Is that why you brought me in here, to tell me that Paul pisses like a woman?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21No, I want you to stop flirting with Jamie.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26Ooh, how many times?! He's gay, he's my oldest friend.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30He self-laughs. Everything he says, he self-laughs.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33I've known him since I was seven,
0:10:33 > 0:10:34can't get out of it now.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39- You need to chill out, find a space and just...- Chill out?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Yes. You need to chill out, find a space...
0:10:42 > 0:10:44What do you mean find a space?!
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Well done, butter fingers.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52"Butter fingers" now?
0:10:52 > 0:10:56The best thing to do is to shake it up more and then it actually de-fizzes.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Does it?- Yeah.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01OK.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- Are you taking the piss? - Yeah, course.- Oh, Becky!
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Oh, that should help(!)
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Do you know what you said to me?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Oh, here we go.
0:11:21 > 0:11:26You said there isn't a girl in the chip shop you wouldn't want to shag.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30No, I didn't.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Oh, yes, you did.
0:11:32 > 0:11:36There's at least two girls the chip shop I wouldn't want to shag.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Hm.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43Rachel's 20 stone, and Clare looks like her brother.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Now who's self-laughing?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Becky, please don't sit with him.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Oh, fuck!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59No, Paul, stop being mean. You can't just say that, you have to say "in my opinion" first.
0:11:59 > 0:12:04OK, OK. In my opinion,
0:12:04 > 0:12:06there's no such thing as aliens.
0:12:06 > 0:12:11Well, Paul, someone else and myself included and NASA, we might have a different opinion
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- to you, and everyone is entitled by law to have an opinion. - Er, Laura reckons she saw an alien.
0:12:15 > 0:12:20We're trying to play a drinking game, and Paul's being mean about the alien I met.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23- What was he doing again? - It was a she.- What was she doing?
0:12:23 > 0:12:28She stood there at the end of my bed with an air of dignity.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30What she didn't even say anything?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33She came all that way and she didn't even say anything.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35She couldn't say anything, Paul - she didn't have a mouth.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- In your opinion.- No, it's a fact.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Her head was made of lots of little heads, and none of them had mouths.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I bet you're a brilliant dancer.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Yeah, I am. I...I practise during the day.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Kieron's a dancer.- Very nimble.
0:12:56 > 0:13:02I take him down the Prince, I fill him with Red Bull, and he dances on his own for hours.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Oh, is that...?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06One minute...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16He sounds like a great kid.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- Are you all right there, Becks? - Yeah, I'm fine.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22So she was an alien.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Why are you doing this, Paul? You know I don't like it when you mock my visitations.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Do you want to come over here?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29No, I'm fine.
0:13:29 > 0:13:35- OK, cool.- Right and they... and they can fly to other planets? - Yes, they have lasers and wings.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37And they want to do experiments on you?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Find out if she's got a brain.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43- Yeah.- Steve.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Too far, mate. Too far.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Oh, it was just a laugh. I'm just having a laugh.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51I do have a brain, Steve - it's in my head.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54I love it - "find out if she's got a brain"! I fucking love it.
0:13:54 > 0:13:58They have colonies, Steve, colonies on other planets, not that you'd know,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01and they do experiments on us so they can colonise us
0:14:01 > 0:14:04and they take you in a space ship and they stick things up your arse.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06So it's not all bad then?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I've got to go to Kieron's school tomorrow.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I've got to see his teacher.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Do you mind if I put this here?
0:14:16 > 0:14:21- No.- OK.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Kieron's developed a kind of a twitch.
0:14:24 > 0:14:29- Twitch.- Yeah.- What kind of twitch?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30He sort of does this.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32HE LAUGHS
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Sorry.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39You sound like a brilliant mother.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- Do I?- Yeah. In many ways you're the world's mother.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- Am I?- Yeah.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- Thanks Dan.- Thank you.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Thank you very much.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I should text him actually.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Just check he's got himself to bed.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Achoo!
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- Wow, bless you babe. - Bless you Laura, are you OK?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04- Bless you.- Thanks.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I think I'm coming down with something,
0:15:06 > 0:15:09probably wouldn't have happened if Paul had let me play the drinking game.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13It probably wouldn't have happened if Paul had let me play the drinking game.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- Bless you Laura.- Bless you babe.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Thanks babes.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Steve.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28Bless you.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Thanks Steve.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Probably got it off the alien.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Yeah. Yeah.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Maybe I did.- Alien flu or something.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Yeah. Yeah.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- Maybe I did. - When they did her up the arse.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Steve.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Steve, that was uncalled for.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I don't let anyone do me up the arse Steve,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54not unless it's their birthday.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Steve, have I got anything on my face mate?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- Er, no.- Oh, good, cos I, I felt like I had something
0:16:03 > 0:16:05on my face, like some food or something.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07No?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- No, you're fine.- Good.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Good.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Now then, the drinking game.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Steve was wearing my bra the other day.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Ah Steve.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Yeah, my Mum had done a wash.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25I wasn't pissing.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28When you came in on me, right, I wasn't pissing,
0:16:28 > 0:16:30I don't piss like that.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I piss standing up like a man, like my Dad.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Like my ex Dad. - And I come back in the room and he's
0:16:35 > 0:16:38perched on the end of the bed,
0:16:38 > 0:16:43completely naked wearing my bra and he's got his dick in his hand.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Becky.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I can't believe I'm marrying that fucking idiot.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53I could get any bird I wanted.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- Yeah, course.- No he's done it before.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00He put my knickers on his head once, seriously, he loves it.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Urgh.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I think it's something to do with his Mum,
0:17:04 > 0:17:05you know he used to put make up on.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- And there's this tart who works in Rymans, her name's Paula,- Mm.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13I'm called Paul, yeah. You see, like we're made for each other.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Er, yeah, er, it was a joke.
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Holding my dick was part of the joke, I was pretending to be a pervert.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I don't think you need to pretend Steve.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26He doesn't need to pretend to be a pervert.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I fingered her by the envelopes.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Yep, well Becky does...
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Yeah mate, yeah, yeah.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40- For fuck's sake.- Yeah, well, er, Becky does such disgusting farts
0:17:40 > 0:17:42that she has to wipe her arse afterwards.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46- For fuck's sake Steve. - Oh, you dirty slut.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- That's personal information mate. - It's an ailment Steve, it runs in the family.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52At least I wipe my arse.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- What do you mean?- I've listened.
0:17:56 > 0:18:01- You never use more than three bits of bog roll.- I fold.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02What? Everyone folds.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04No they don't.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06I'm trying to save the environment.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09- You're filthy.- What, you, you know you can say what you want
0:18:09 > 0:18:13but I know for a fact that I wipe my arse more than anyone in this room,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15because I suffer from a medical condition
0:18:15 > 0:18:18known in layman's terms as an anal itch.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Fuck off.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28- Too much information Steve. - Do you need someone to scratch it for you Steve?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Do you need someone to scratch it for you Steve?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Can... can I have a word?
0:19:46 > 0:19:51- What about?- Maybe he needs someone to scratch his bum for him.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56Paul, Paul, Paul, maybe he needs someone to scratch his bum for him.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Can I have a word?
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Can we just listen to some ABBA, I love ABBA.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10- Do you know ABBA were all brothers and sisters. - No, some of them were married.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Oh, that's it.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25Er, you've locked us in the toilet.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28What is wrong with your head?
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Listen.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31You sit there being rude to my sister,
0:20:31 > 0:20:34mocking her cos she happened to see an alien,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37as if you were better than her somehow in your fucking selfish...
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Becky.- I haven't finished.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45In your fucking selfish view.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49OK, finished.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50Becky I need...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56how long has that been there?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59About ten minutes.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03You're supposed to tell me.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05For God's... look at the.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Listen, sorry...
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Not listen, but.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I know,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16I know I shouldn't...
0:21:18 > 0:21:19I know what I said was wrong.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Oh, well done. It's only taken you three hours.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I broke the, well they're not rules, but the code,
0:21:26 > 0:21:28the agreement, the un... The unspoken...
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- What the fuck are you talking about? - OK, OK.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- Becks, are you coming out soon? - In a minute, Laura.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Ste-eve.- I can't help it!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43I'm sorry, OK?
0:21:43 > 0:21:46I'm just saying that I'm sorry.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Well, I get, I get this, I get this...
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Look, I get upset.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, Steve. You're 24, get over it.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- What are you doing?- I need a piss.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- I'm trying to have a conversation with you.- Oh, this is a conversation, is it?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Just... Just listen to me.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04I've never...
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Whenever I see you talking to someone...like a male person...
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Otherwise known as a man.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15Whoever it is, I get this, it's like rotting,
0:22:15 > 0:22:21- it's like I'm, I'm rotting in my tummy.- I can smell that.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Oh, Becky, please, it's just, you know...
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Oh, I don't know, I'm not very good at this.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Really?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31It's just...
0:22:31 > 0:22:35When, when, when we first met, it was like...
0:22:37 > 0:22:41You know when they repaint the roads, the road markings?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43And suddenly,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45suddenly it's like a whole new road.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49OK, forget that.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Er... I'm trying, I'm trying to...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I'm trying to put it into words and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not...
0:22:55 > 0:22:59I'm not very good with words. Can you just look at me when I'm speaking to you?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I'm washing my hands, Steve, I've got a bit of wee on my thumb.
0:23:05 > 0:23:06All I mean is,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10when I met you, it was like I realised
0:23:10 > 0:23:13all my life I've been doing an impression of myself,
0:23:13 > 0:23:17or, you know, or an impression of what I thought I should be, or what other people...
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- OK, I get it, carry on.- OK.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24And then I met you and it was like...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Um, Diwali.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Diwali?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Yeah, yeah, fireworks night, I don't know, er...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Christmas, Birthdays, Lent.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Not Lent. KNOCK AT DOOR
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- Paul's being really horrible to me, Becks.- Well, we'll be out in a bit.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- He's doing impressions of what I look like when I suck him off. - OK, we'll be out in a bit, Laura.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Thanks, Becks.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I should get back out there.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- I think Paul's up to something. - No! Becky, let me finish.
0:23:53 > 0:23:58When I met you, every piece of my life was a, was a bit of a puzzle.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00You know, it felt...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02I dunno, it, it felt...
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Oh, look... Oh... All I, all I mean is...
0:24:07 > 0:24:08That's why I get like this.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12That's why I get silly when you talk to other men,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15because I know they'll fancy you, because they must do,
0:24:15 > 0:24:21because you're beautiful and funny and perfect in every single way
0:24:21 > 0:24:24and everyone wants to be like you.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Just look at Laura and, and Shelly.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31You're so...cool, and I get scared
0:24:31 > 0:24:34you're going to want to go out with someone else and not me
0:24:34 > 0:24:36because I'm not beautiful or funny or perfect,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38or even just a little bit cool.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I like reading facts.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43I'm scared of spiders.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45But we're the same person,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48And we like doing the same things, like...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Well, like eating, and drinking, and Inspector Morse.
0:24:51 > 0:24:56I mean, I love watching Morse with you.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59And I, and I get scared that I'll lose you and...
0:25:00 > 0:25:03I can't. I can't lose you, Becks,
0:25:05 > 0:25:07because if I lose you...
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I love you.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27I've been a dick because I love you
0:25:27 > 0:25:29and I'm sorry.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31I'm, I'm sorry for dragging you in here,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33I'm sorry for taking it out on Laura,
0:25:33 > 0:25:35I'm sorry for being the world's biggest dick.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37But I, I just, I just love you.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I just love you so much.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51I love you so much.
0:26:01 > 0:26:05That's funny, cos, er,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09I was under the impression that you loved the girls in the chip shop.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Oh, of course I don't!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Why do, why do you have to do this?
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Why do you have to say things like that? I just poured out my heart and my soul...
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Ssh.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23I'm sorry.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29I love you too, you dickhead.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Ohh. Thank you.
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- Oh, you don't really like Stephen Fry, do you?- No, course not.- Good.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Oh, fucking hell.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07So...I guess...
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- now we've said that.- Mm.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10At last.
0:27:12 > 0:27:16And seeing as I spend most of my time here anyway,
0:27:16 > 0:27:21- and it's getting really rubbish having to get the bus here and then home all the time.- Mmm.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24And I shouldn't still be living with my parents at my age.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Absolutely.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Maybe I should just...
0:27:28 > 0:27:31I might as well move in.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35What's that?
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Maybe I should move in, here.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Practically live here anyway, and then I won't have to keep getting the bus.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46It's not that bad, is it, getting the bus?
0:27:46 > 0:27:48It's really annoying.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51And I don't want to be living with my parents all my life.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54OK. Great.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59- Ah, you know there'd be tax implications, they'd cut our benefits.- We don't have to tell 'em.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02Oh, OK.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05- Practically live here anyway.- Yeah.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Course.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Great.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Well, you're going to move in.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16That's great.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Oh.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20Oh, that's great.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31# Come closer and cuddle me tight
0:28:31 > 0:28:34# My heart goes boom bang-a-bang Boom bang-a-bang
0:28:34 > 0:28:36# When you are near
0:28:36 > 0:28:39# Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time... #
0:28:42 > 0:28:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:45 > 0:28:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk