0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language and adult humour.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Careful. It's electric.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18You're bleeding again.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Do you want to lick it?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23No.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25No!
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Come on. Don't be a dick.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Steve!
0:00:30 > 0:00:34If you loved me, you'd lick my blood.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Seriously, Becks!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37You'll electrocute yourself.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I'll be the one that has to tell your parents.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Is that your only problem with me electrocuting myself?
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Yes.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00It just doesn't make any sense.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Mmm.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I've just moved in with the world's biggest idiot.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31THEY SIGH
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Shall we unpack your stuff?
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Ugh.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57I was thinking we should make a rota.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Becks.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I was thinking of making a rota.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Yeah, I heard you. I was ignoring you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Just for the cleaning and stuff.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13What are we going to clean?
0:02:13 > 0:02:16I don't know. The kitchen? The loo?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25What's the point of cleaning something if you're only going to go and shit in it?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Or the washing up.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32- Oh, please can we get... - We're not getting paper plates.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Mmm. Salty.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I got sweaty bringing the stuff up.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Mmm.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51HE TUTS
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Becky!
0:03:00 > 0:03:03All the hangers have to face the same way.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05..What?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Are you a lunatic?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10It makes it easier when you take them out!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12DOORBELL RINGS
0:03:12 > 0:03:15If you make a rota, I'll kill myself.
0:03:15 > 0:03:16HE CHUCKLES
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Shelly!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Where are the others?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25I'm early.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Oh. OK, come in.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32All right, Shell?
0:03:32 > 0:03:33What's it like out?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37It's lovely. Yeah. Very nice.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Good...
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Well, congratulations on the move.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52I got you this.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Ooh. It's come back.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Aww. That's lovely.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Aww! Thanks, Shell.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Kieran made it. He's got these pens.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09He's a clever boy.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Yeah. His father was a judge.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15I need a wee!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17SHE CHUCKLES
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Shall I wait in there till the others arrive?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- That's a good idea. - Oh, OK.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32How did she meet a judge?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Oh, Becky, Steve! Before I forget.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Yeah? - I bumped into Julie Taylor.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:53 > 0:04:54I'll get that.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- I've known her for ages, cos I used to shag her dad.- Oh, did you?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I've moved in!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01- Congratulations! - Oh, my God, Becks.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- You're never going to guess who got me a job interview, is she, Paul? - Julie Taylor.- Paul!
0:05:06 > 0:05:09I apologise for that, Becks. I wanted you to guess.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10So she's moved in.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Steve, I was just in Boots for my Omega 3, and guess who works there now?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Julie Taylor?
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Yes, Steve. Well done.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21God, she's hot, Becks. She's like something out of Nuts.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Lovely.- And she remembered me from Brownies -
0:05:23 > 0:05:25because I had all the badges -
0:05:25 > 0:05:28and I told her about you and Steve, and she's got me a job interview!
0:05:28 > 0:05:32- They're going to stick her on the perfume counter. - I don't know about that.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35They will. They stick all the fit ones on the perfume counter.
0:05:35 > 0:05:40I didn't know you went out with Julie Taylor, Steve.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Yeah, I was a very different person then.
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- I tell you, if I got on the end of that, I'd bang it till its teeth came out.- Paul!
0:05:47 > 0:05:48What? I would.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51She said she's popping round. Shelly told her where you live.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Oh, did she?
0:05:53 > 0:05:54Sorry!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Don't worry, Becks. She's out of Steve's league.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Just put something nice on.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Something slutty. Make the effort.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Wear your Ben Sherman. Don't be a dick.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- Ooh, I really need a wee-wee. - So do a wee-wee.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09She's "popping round"?!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12PAUL AND SHELLY CHAT IN THE BACKGROUND
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Who just "pops round" their ex-boyfriend's house?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- ..What? - Do people still do that?
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Yes.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Really?
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Yes!
0:06:30 > 0:06:33It's come straight off a tree! Of course I'm going to rub it.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37- I'm not just going to eat something that's been on a tree! - All right...!
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Bloody hell.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45If she comes round, just get rid of her.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Then you and me will snuggle up and have sex on a chair.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50- Really?- Yeah.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52- I'd love that. - I know you would.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Thanks.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06So, in future, just make sure you're not here before Paul and I,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09because frankly, Shelly, Becky's my sister, and you're fucking rude.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I didn't want to wait in the rain.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I've said everything I've got to say on the matter.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17So I've moved out of Mum and Dad's at last!
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Steve!
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- Hooray! What are you doing?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23I'm about to do a wee.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- I have some very important news, and Paul's got to be back at one. - Can I just do a wee?
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- No. - If you're more than five minutes late from lunch,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Dean, the new guy, he makes you down a pint of wine.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Bloody hell. - A pint of wine?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37Yeah.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Well, let me just do a quick wee, and...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41No, Steve.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Ridiculous.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55So. First things first, we've chosen a choir for the wedding.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Ooh! We've been emailing a vicar,
0:07:58 > 0:08:02and he's given us the website of a choir made up entirely of blind people.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Seriously, Steve. Can't see a thing.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06- That's nice.- Very nice.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09That's very generous of you, Laura. - I know, Shelly.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14It's an act of charity. But also it's a tribute to Paul's uncle, who is unfortunately himself blind.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- Is he?- Yeah.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18He got stabbed in the eyes.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22So we're inviting submissions for hymns for them to learn.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25We want something upbeat, like they have at black weddings.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27But also something with a heart.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Something about baby Jesus. - Exactly, Shell.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33I want it to be a very serene ceremony,
0:08:33 > 0:08:35like when Diana died.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39STEVE SNIGGERS
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Sorry.
0:08:42 > 0:08:46There's nothing funny about Diana, Steve. She was beautiful.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Yes. She was.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50For God's sake, Steve.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- SHELLY:- She was too beautiful to live,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57but she was too young to die.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00That's nice. Did you come up with that yourself, Shell?
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Very clever. Well done.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06OK! Finished?
0:09:06 > 0:09:07No, Steve. Sit the fuck down.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I want to do a wee!
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Steve.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19I now hand you over to Paul for the main event of the day.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Becks. Steve. Put your apples down.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24This is very important.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I told Julie Taylor about this, and she was very excited.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Right. So you know Iggy got put away cos he lost it with his missus?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32No. What do you mean?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Well, she wound him up, and he got annoyed, and...
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Put it this way - she won't be doing the hokey-cokey.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44PAUL AND LAURA LAUGH
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Needless to say, I'm going to need a new best man.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56And I've decided to announce, once and for all,
0:09:56 > 0:10:00who better for the job than my one and only best buddy?
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Steve.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Three cheers for Steve! Hip hip...
0:10:05 > 0:10:06ALL: Hooray.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- LAURA:- Hip hip...- ALL: Hooray! LAURA:- Hip hip...- ALL: Hooray!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11One for luck?
0:10:11 > 0:10:12ALL: Hip hip, hooray!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Now give him his present, Paul.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19No... Are you sure? What about Darren? Or the other Paul?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Open your present, mate.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36It's for your speech, Steve. So you can write down all the funny little things Paul says and does.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Like the time I smashed up Mothercare!
0:10:38 > 0:10:39HE LAUGHS MANICALLY
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Now the bride, the chief bridesmaid and the maid of honour
0:10:46 > 0:10:50are going to depart to let the groom and his new best man
0:10:50 > 0:10:52get up to some mischief.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Come on, Becks. Shelly.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Congratulations, Steve.
0:11:01 > 0:11:06You'll have lots of fun on the stag do, won't you, with all Paul's friends?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07- LAURA:- Becky!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Mmm.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14HISSES: Shit, don't go!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I've got three words for you.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Coke, whores and violence.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Steve looked so pleased, didn't he?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Can I have some OJ, Becks?
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Yeah. Of course.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39- So you've moved in, then? You've gone through with it? - Yeah.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41It's great.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44Weird, but...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You know there's always a bed at Mum and Dad's.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49- Er, yep. - And at ours.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51If Luke's not on the chaise longue.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I want more than that.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57There's also refuges, Becks.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01Women's refuges. Shelly stayed in one, didn't you, Shell? - Yeah.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I know it sounds a lot of fun,
0:12:03 > 0:12:07a refuge full of girls chilling and talking about boys,
0:12:07 > 0:12:10but you do have to watch out for the lezzers.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Fill it to the top, Becks. I'm parched.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I'm parched, but I also need a wee-wee.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19I'm funny like that, aren't I, Shell?
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Everything I do ends up being funny.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29Ugh. It's got bits in it.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Pete's sake, I'm not drinking that.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34We're going to this parlour in Gateshead where my cousins went.
0:12:34 > 0:12:40It's hot, and it's full of whores. You pay a flat fee, and it's like all you can eat.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44And we're going to go in the street, and wind everyone up and hit them.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47And we're going to drink Stella till we're basically disabled.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52And we're going to do so much coke we look like fucking Santa.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57Then, during the days, they've got a railway museum.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59OK.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02And the genius of it is because you're organising it,
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Laura's going to believe anything you tell her. It's genius.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10So we'll tell her we're paintballing, or some bollocks,
0:13:10 > 0:13:12and she'll believe it because she's a moron,
0:13:12 > 0:13:18and actually we're smashing the fuck out of Geordies, and sitting up to our necks in tits.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21When I moved in with Paul, I wrote a will.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Ooh, yeah. I should write a will.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26It was just a part of my long-term commitment to Paul.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29So basically I'm leaving all my possessions, or what have you -
0:13:29 > 0:13:32my bits and bobs, my straighteners, my TV, my globe -
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I'm leaving that all to Paul, because he's the love of my life.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Sorry.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41And then I'm going to leave £50 to an animal sanctuary.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Just because it's nice to give something back to the animals,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47isn't it, after everything they've done for us? - Yeah.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50You know, pulling stuff. Guarding things.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- Making honey. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:13:54 > 0:13:57You could write a book about it.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- SHELLY:- That'll be Julie Taylor. I bumped into her in Boots.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Shall I answer it?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- LAURA:- Oh. How was your interview? - SHELLY:- I got the wrong day.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- LAURA:- Oh, yeah. I've done that.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10It's Dan.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Oi.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Oi. Laura's written a will.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Has she?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23THEY GIGGLE
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- What we getting? - I don't know. What do you want?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- Her telly? - I'll see what I can do.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Can you believe her going on about Julie in front of you?
0:14:36 > 0:14:37She's such a twat.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39You can say that again.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- She... - Don't say it again.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46There is nothing more despicable than a man who winks.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50DOORBELL RINGS
0:14:50 > 0:14:52That's what I meant to say, Laura.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54- I really like your new telly. - Ah.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- All right, Dan? - I've got a girlfriend.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Anita took me back.
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Oh.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Oh, well done, mate.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05She's lost weight. Look.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Didn't know you ate apples.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Yeah.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- They're all right, aren't they? - Yeah.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- I like them when they're old and brown.- OK.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21What d'you think of her?
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Um, yeah.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- She has lost weight. Great. - Yeah.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Would you do her?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- What's that?- Anita.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Would you do her?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Um, well, I...I've got Becky, so...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38No, but if you were single, would you do her?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Um...yes.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Excellent.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Where have you gone?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46All right, Paul? I've got a girlfriend.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Steve told you the good news? - Oh, yes.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Um, Paul's asked me to be his best man.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- But you don't even like each other! - HE LAUGHS
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Yes, we do.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Tell him about your girlfriend.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01What do you think?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Would you do her? Yeah.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Two out of two. Where's Becky?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- Hello, everyone. I've got... - Paul, we're going.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Julie'll be here soon, and I look like a pig.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Oh, you don't look anything like a pig, Laura. - Oh, Shelly.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- You're such an arse-licker! - Brilliant.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Proper apples, from a proper fucking tree. Where did you get these?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- Steve's mum nicked 'em. - Her neighbour's got a garden.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Paul loves apples. Don't you, Paul?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Yeah. They're spasmodic.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- You could use that in your speech, Steve. Paul loves apples. - Yeah.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Go on, write it down.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36STEVE CHUCKLES
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Write it down. - STEVE CHUCKLES
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Write it down, Steve.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51HE SIGHS
0:17:04 > 0:17:06HE MUMBLES
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Thank you, Steve.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12You all right, Dan?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Yep. Yeah.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Anita took me back. Got a girlfriend.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- That's good. - Yeah.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23We had a full English,
0:17:23 > 0:17:25I took her to an airfield, you know...
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Right. I'm going to pop home,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- have a wee-wee, and do some research for my Boots audition. - Bye!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Bye, Shelly.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Bye, everyone!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Well, thanks for popping round. Good luck with Boots.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Thanks, Becks, but I don't think I need it.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49See ya later, best man!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53And congratulations on the move. I'm really pleased for you both.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Cheers, mate.- Thanks, Paul.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Come on, Paul. I don't want to soil myself. Congratulations, guys.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Just don't take the piss with the ironing, Steve.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05There's no need to iron his pants and his socks,
0:18:05 > 0:18:08because they're underwear, and no-one can see 'em.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Thanks, Laur.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Tell Julie I'll see her next Wednesday.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- Yeah. Thanks, Shell. - Seriously, Becks.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Put something decent on. She dresses like a famous person.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Bye, then!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I've got a new air freshener in my car, Shell.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Have you? Yeah.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Do you want to come and have a smell? - Oh, I'd love to.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31It's shaped like a tree. - Ooh, sounds lovely, Laura.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32She does his ironing?!
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Silly cow.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Any more of those apples?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46HE SNEEZES
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Thanks.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Leave that for an hour.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Hm.
0:19:09 > 0:19:14- Thought there'd be more excitement about me and Anita. - Don't do that, Dan.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Your ex is coming round, is she?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21- Yeah.- Awkward.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Hm.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Sorry, are you waiting for me to go? - Yeah.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Sorry.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34BOTH: Bye, Dan.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Thanks for coming round.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Ugh! SHE CHUCKLES
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Oh, at last!
0:19:47 > 0:19:51If we don't have sex soon, my willy is going to pop.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Honestly, it's glowing. And I need a wee. It's relentless.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59I think I've got an ulcer.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Laura's drunk out of that.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Have her lips actually been on it? - Yeah.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07HE GROANS
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Ugh. Right....I'm doing my wee.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Steve?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Steve!
0:20:28 > 0:20:29Oh, no...
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Is that her?
0:20:31 > 0:20:32No...
0:20:32 > 0:20:33DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:33 > 0:20:36We're going to have to answer it.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- OK. You answer it, but tell her I've gone out. - Like she's going to believe that.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46DOORBELL RINGS HE SIGHS
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Steve?
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- Come on. - No... Wait, Becky! Wait! Becky!
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Hello. Sorry to disturb you. Is Steve there?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Sorry. He can't come to the door.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04He's really ill.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Oh.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07Yeah, he's got the shits.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Oh. Poor thing.- Yeah...
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I think we've met. Julie?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Yeah. Ages ago. Becky.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Becky. Yeah. That's right. Laura's sister.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- Yes. - Laura's a little minx, isn't she?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Such a laugh.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- She's hilarious. - I got her a job interview.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26Pulled some strings. I could get you one if you like.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Thanks.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30I hear you moved in today.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- Yes.- Congratulations. Shelly...
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Do you know Shelly Mills?
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Yeah.- She's hilarious. She's thick as shit, but you've got to love her.
0:21:39 > 0:21:44She mentioned it, and I had this. It's Steve's - it's his favourite CD.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48It's been knocking round my parents' house for ages, so I thought I'd come round...
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Get rid of it at last. - That's nice.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Thank you.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56I'm an old friend. Well. Not a friend, but...you know...
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Yes.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Girlfriend.- Yeah.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Ha. Whoops.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Funny. We went out for a while, actually. Yeah.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Two and half years?
0:22:08 > 0:22:12Yeah. Right up till I went off to uni. Mad.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Seriously. I've just finished -
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Business and Admin. Yeah. Bolton. Crazy days. Best years of my life.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26So how is he? Apart from being poorly.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30He's good.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Good.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35All right, Steve?
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Yep!
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Congratulations on being Paul Parker's best man.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Th-Thanks. Thank you.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I hope you feel better!
0:22:50 > 0:22:51HE GROANS
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Aww.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Well, I'll leave him my number, and he can call me when he's better,
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and me and him can have a proper catch-up.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- I'm sure he'd love to. - I'm doing the marathon in April.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05I'll have to get you to sponsor me! It's going to be hilarious.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I'll be dressed as a chicken.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Have you got any paper?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Paper... Paper...
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Now where do we keep all our stationery...?
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Oh, my God! Thank fuck for that! I'm dying for a piss.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42D'you reckon I should text Laura and ask her if I'm allowed to go yet?!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44She gets worse.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48What was Julie's excuse, Becks? Bringing a CD round?
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Well, that's bollocks. That's so clearly bollocks!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Oh. That feels good.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Ohhh.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Ohhhh.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Bringing a CD round?!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05What a twat!
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Oh! Oh, that's lovely...Ohh...
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Hey, Becks! Are we still going to shag on the chair?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34TOILET FLUSHES
0:24:42 > 0:24:45TAP RUNS
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Hello...!
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Hi.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I was just bringing this round.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Oh!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Brilliant. I'll listen to that.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- It's just been cluttering up my parents' house.- Yes. Sorry.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10How are your parents? All right?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12Yeah.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Good. Good...
0:25:17 > 0:25:19You well?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Yeah.
0:25:21 > 0:25:22You?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26My tummy hurts...
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Mm.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- Well, it was nice to see you. - Yes. S'lovely.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Places to go. People to meet.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- Bye, Becky.- Bye.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48No!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Nooo!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53You are such a plonker.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- Did she hear me? - Of course she heard you!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57No way!
0:25:57 > 0:25:59You just stood there weeing!
0:25:59 > 0:26:04Well, I can't stop mid-flow, you know that. You know I can't stop mid-flow...!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Oh, I can't believe I just did that.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10After she went to all that trouble to bring your CD round.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13Oi, you, leave her alone. She's got places to go, people to meet.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15BECKY SNIGGERS
0:26:28 > 0:26:30So then, best man...
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Ohh, it is going to be horrible.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Now that you've got rid of her so delicately,
0:26:37 > 0:26:40and everyone's left us alone at last...
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Any idea what we should do next?
0:26:47 > 0:26:48Nope.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50No?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53It feels to me like you've just had a very good idea.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56# Come closer, come closer, and listen
0:26:56 > 0:27:00# The beat of my heart keeps on missin'... #
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Er...
0:27:03 > 0:27:05did you throw my fairy lights in the bin?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# ...Come closer and love me tonight... #
0:27:07 > 0:27:08No!
0:27:08 > 0:27:10You little bastard!
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Ho-ho, Becky!
0:27:12 > 0:27:14Woo-hoo!
0:27:14 > 0:27:17# My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang Boom-bang-a-bang
0:27:17 > 0:27:19# When you are near
0:27:19 > 0:27:22# Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
0:27:22 > 0:27:26# It's such a lovely feeling
0:27:26 > 0:27:31# When I'm in your arms
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Don't go away I wanna stay my whole life through
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# Boom bang-a-bang-bang Close to you. #
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:38 > 0:27:40E-mail: subtitling@bbc.co.uk