0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06MUSIC: Dakota by Stereophonics
0:00:06 > 0:00:10HE SINGS ALONG # ...Made me feel like the one... #
0:00:12 > 0:00:20# I don't know where we are going now
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# I don't
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Know where we are
0:00:30 > 0:00:32# Going now
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# So take a look at me now
0:00:39 > 0:00:43# So take a look at me now
0:00:43 > 0:00:46# So take a look at me now
0:00:46 > 0:00:47# So take a look at me
0:00:47 > 0:00:50# Now
0:00:50 > 0:00:52# So take a look at me now
0:00:52 > 0:00:54# So take a look... #
0:00:54 > 0:00:55MUSIC STOPS
0:00:55 > 0:00:57SPINS THROUGH RADIO STATIONS
0:00:57 > 0:00:59MUSIC: Dakota by Stereophonics
0:00:59 > 0:01:03# Laying back, head on the grass
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# Chewing gum, having some laughs
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# Yeah, having some laughs
0:01:12 > 0:01:15# You made me feel like the one
0:01:15 > 0:01:19# You made me feel like the one
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# The one
0:01:24 > 0:01:28# You made me feel like the one
0:01:28 > 0:01:31# You made me feel like the one... #
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Agh!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Ah! Oh! Oh, my God.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42# Drinking back Drinking for two... #
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Bloody hell!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# Drinking with you
0:01:45 > 0:01:47# When drinking was new
0:01:52 > 0:01:55# Sleeping in the back of my car
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# We never went far
0:01:58 > 0:02:02# Didn't need to go far
0:02:03 > 0:02:08# You made me feel like the one... #
0:02:08 > 0:02:09DOOR CLOSES
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# Made me feel like the one
0:02:12 > 0:02:15# The one
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Oh, fuck's sake!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20# Make me feel like the one
0:02:20 > 0:02:25# You made me feel like the one
0:02:25 > 0:02:27# The one
0:02:29 > 0:02:37# I don't know where we are going now
0:02:43 > 0:02:50# I don't know where we are going now... #
0:02:50 > 0:02:52MUSIC OFF
0:02:55 > 0:02:58DOOR OPENS All right?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- LAURA:- Oh, my God, Steve.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05This wheelchair man came into Boots,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09and Julie's got the best wheelchair jokes out of anyone I've ever met.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11It's been a nightmare.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13She's got such a dark sense of humour,
0:03:13 > 0:03:14hasn't she, Steve?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Steve! Listen.
0:03:15 > 0:03:20So, a wheelchair man, a poof and a spastic walk into a bar,
0:03:20 > 0:03:22and the barman says...
0:03:32 > 0:03:37And the barman says, "I'm not serving him!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40"He's legless!"
0:03:40 > 0:03:41SHE GIGGLES
0:03:41 > 0:03:43That is so wrong.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49GIGGLING CONTINUES
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Aw.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56That does look nice up there, doesn't it?
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- Yeah. We love it, don't we? - Yeah. It's great.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- I've got mine above my bed, as well.- Have you, Shell?
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Aw! You guys.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Yeah. And Kieran's got his one above his bed.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- So he knows I'm always watching him.- And we put the other one in the loo.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Did you?
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Yeah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20So...less than a half hour to go. The jackpot's
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- at 15 million, Laura! - What's wrong with the living room?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Why don't we get everyone a drink, yeah?
0:04:25 > 0:04:29Yes, yes! Barney's bringing some beers in a bit, but there's plenty of vodka.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Yeah, and we've brought some Coke. - I paid for it.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33OK.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Two vodka and Cokes?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- I'll have a slice of lime. - OK.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Do you want some money for the Coke?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44I'll add it to your tab.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45- PHONE BEEPS - That'll be from Julie.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50She hasn't stopped talking about Julie Taylor all day.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Literally, every five minutes,
0:04:55 > 0:04:57she comes out with some new bit of bollocks about her.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Hmm! - That's very funny.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02How's it been otherwise? How's the weather been?
0:05:03 > 0:05:04What do you mean?
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Was it nice? It looked like it was gonna rain.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Are you taking the piss?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11No.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Are you really being this boring? - No!
0:05:14 > 0:05:18People who are inside like to know what it's like for people who are outside.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Well, put your head out of the window and see for yourself.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Bloody hell.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29HE LAUGHS
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- How was your day? - Played Sims. Built a mansion.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Made an old man piss himself. Yours?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36She tried on every wedding dress,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39and then we went to Pizza Hut, and she made us all have pasta.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I hate...everyone.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49HE BURPS
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Rogan josh? - Very good.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Here...touch that.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08- CRACKLING - Agh!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10HE LAUGHS
0:06:13 > 0:06:15What did you make me do that for?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21HE LAUGHS
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Do you remember when you got me that mug of hot water
0:06:24 > 0:06:26and I thought it was cold and drunk it and it burnt my mouth?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30No.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Yes, you do!
0:06:31 > 0:06:33No, I don't.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40Yeah, of course you do. I thought it was cold, and it burnt my mouth.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Are you sure it was me? - Yeah.
0:06:44 > 0:06:48Steve. Becky. I need a word.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11There's no simple way to say this, but...Paul's got a lump.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13A lump?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15A lump.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16What kind of lump?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19It's on his testicles.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Shit.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Bloody hell! Why didn't you say anything?
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- What, like... Not a cancerous lump? - I'm afraid so.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I discovered it last night when I was sucking him off.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37We went to A & E,
0:07:37 > 0:07:40and the doctor had a go on it and gave him the all clear, but I don't know.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43He could hardly speak English - what's he gonna know about cancer?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49So the doctor said he's fine?
0:07:49 > 0:07:50But he was foreign, Becks.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52So we're looking to Steve for a second opinion.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54What do you mean?
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Use your imagination, Steve.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Hold one of yours in one hand and one of Paul's in the other,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01and check if there's a difference.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03What?!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05- It's not funny.- Paul's dying.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06No, he's not.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- He's got cancer. - No, he doesn't.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- But he might. - Yeah, but he definitely doesn't.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I think you should check him, Steve. It's better to be safe than sorry.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Thank you, Becky. I don't know why you're being so obstreperous.
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Look...
0:08:19 > 0:08:22of course it's very serious,
0:08:22 > 0:08:25and it was very good of you and Paul to go and see a doctor immediately.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26It wasn't immediate.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28We had to wait half an hour for the bloody ambulance.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30OK.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33But...what do I know about cancer?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36You're his best man, Steve. If he dies, it'll be your fault.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39DOORBELL RINGS
0:08:40 > 0:08:44Now, be nice, Steve. He's at the end of his tether.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- What are you laughing at? - What do you think I'm laughing at?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Raaarrh!
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Hey, Lukey, you little sexpot!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03All right, babe?
0:09:03 > 0:09:04- How was the party? - Yeah, it was good...
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- till they kicked us out. - Good magician?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Fucking brilliant magician. - Raaarrh!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oi, Shelly! Raaarrh!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Come on, Lukey. Let's watch the lottery.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Hello, Lukey.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19DOOR CLOSES
0:09:24 > 0:09:26What the fuck are you wearing?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32It's Becky's turn to do the washing, and she ain't done it.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Have you spoken to Laura?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Yeah.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44OK.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47OK.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Look at this, everyone.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11- I'm kicking the telly! - Don't do that, Luke.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Um, Becky, he's a child. He's still learning about the world.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I'm gonna smash it to bits.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18You carry on, Lukey.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Stupid piece of stupid tat! - I don't want to jinx it,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25but I think I'm gonna win the lottery tonight.
0:10:25 > 0:10:29No. I am. But I'm not gonna let it change me.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- LUKE: Look at me, Laura. - Me and Julie were saying
0:10:31 > 0:10:33we're gonna give some of our winnings to a charity.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Oh, yeah. If I could, I'd give all my money to the pandas.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Not me. I'd give mine to kids with AIDS.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- Oh, I love kids with AIDS. - I saw a thing about them.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44I mean, they've got AIDS, so I don't wanna meet them,
0:10:44 > 0:10:48but it's not their fault their mums are slags.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- Raaarrh! - Luke!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I'm...I'm on a precipice.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56I know. I know.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58I might die.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02You're not gonna die.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04There's stuff in Laura's books about it.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11The doctor said you were fine, Paul.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14So I think that means you're definitely absolutely fine,
0:11:14 > 0:11:17and we should go in the bedroom and just enjoy the lottery.
0:11:24 > 0:11:25What d'you think?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I think they're fabulous. Now put them away.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I'll move this.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41LAUGHS UNEASILY Honestly, the doctor was definitely right.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Will you check 'em?
0:11:42 > 0:11:45HE LAUGHS
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Steve...please.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I'm begging you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Check 'em.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57BANGING
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Luke.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01- Becks, can you stop bullying him? - I'm gonna kill it!
0:12:03 > 0:12:04What I've done this week
0:12:04 > 0:12:05is I've chosen numbers 1, 2 and 3,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08because they've got to come up, haven't they?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Statistically, at some point, they have to come up. Then the next three are
0:12:12 > 0:12:148, because it's my birthday,
0:12:14 > 0:12:1511, when I lost my virginity,
0:12:15 > 0:12:19and 42, which is how old Shelly pretends to be.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Why don't you play with this?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Look! I'm gonna kill it!
0:12:24 > 0:12:25Oh, he's just like his dad.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Be gentle. - Sorry.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38You had a good day?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Yep.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- INHALES - What about that bit?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52That's meant to be there. It's a tube.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I've got one on mine.
0:12:55 > 0:12:56Can I feel it?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Um...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Doesn't matter.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02DOORBELL RINGS
0:13:02 > 0:13:05When I'm a mother, I'm gonna let my kids do
0:13:05 > 0:13:08whatever they want, because it's a free world and everybody's equal.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11But then if they're naughty, I'll wallop them.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21All right, Becky? I've brought my cousin.
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Alex. Nice to meet you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- I love the dress. - Oh. OK.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I've just been showing Alex round the area.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Yeah. I'm looking to move. Looking for a fresh start, new horizons.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Lovely round here, though, isn't it? So close to London
0:13:32 > 0:13:35but you don't feel like you're right in the centre?
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Best of both worlds, in a way.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39I really like your wallpaper.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41The leaf effect is glorious.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Thank you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58DAN: Have you seen that? It's the sign you get for the men's toilets.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59Yeah, very good.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Very funny. - DAN: Where's the man himself?
0:14:01 > 0:14:04He's just in the bathroom. He'll be out in a minute.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06So how many flats are actually in this building?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Oh! Look at you!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Nice to meet you. I'm, er, Alex, Dan's cousin.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- I like your face paint. Very fetching.- Thank you. I'm... I'm a lion.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Marvellous.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Raaarrh!
0:14:23 > 0:14:24He couldn't find anything.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- What's happened? - Paul's been cured of cancer.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Oh. Congratulations, Paul!
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- Thanks, Shelly. - Raaarrh!
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- That's Steve. - Hi, Steve. Alex. Dan's cousin.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Oh. All right?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Yeah, yeah, I'm good, thanks. Nothing to complain about.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39There's always something to complain about, isn't there?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Yep. - Oh, and I hear
0:14:41 > 0:14:44congratulations are in order, with you two moving in.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Wonderful news. Good luck with the lottery!
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- In here, is it? - Yes.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51- PAUL:- Yeah, I hope so.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53- Raaarrh! - Hello, everyone.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I'm Alex, Dan's cousin.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56Hello, little fella!
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Raaarrh!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- He's nice. - He's really nice.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I've got that shirt.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- I'm Paul. - We're engaged to be married.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08I hate kids.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10I just fondled a man.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I can't believe I was forced to fondle a man.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Have you washed your hands? - Twice.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- PAUL:- Be nice, Lukey. - Raaarrh!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21So we'll start with his penis. It was extraordinary.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Yeah, we know that. - It gets bigger every time I see it.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25It's practically a tail.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27- What about his bollocks? - Absolutely huge.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30There's no lumps, there's no cancer, it's completely fine.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33But each one, literally, the size of an orange.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35No! Maybe there is something wrong with 'em.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Well, not an orange. A little one.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40A kumquat.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41That's not big.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Satsuma, then.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Oh, wow. Bloody hell.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46Yeah.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47LUKE: Raaarrh!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52You know I didn't do that hot water thing, don't you?
0:15:52 > 0:15:56Yes, you did! HE TUTS
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Come on, it's 15 minutes.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Then I'll spend another two million on our wedding,
0:16:01 > 0:16:03because it's really important to me that we have the perfect day,
0:16:03 > 0:16:06and then I'll put the remaining £12 million into gold bullion.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I'm useless at doing the lottery. LAUGHTER
0:16:09 > 0:16:12No, I really am. I'm not even joking. It's like
0:16:12 > 0:16:15the whole system's against me. LAUGHTER
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Shelly's got a lucky number, haven't you, Shelly?
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Yeah. The number one has always been very lucky for me.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- Oh, has it, indeed? - Yeah,
0:16:22 > 0:16:26because I've got one child, Kieran. I'm single, so I'm always on my own.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28And I had one sister,
0:16:28 > 0:16:31and she's dead, and I've got one friend...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Laura. - Hmm, thanks, Shell.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36So I think I might win this week.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I just...I just know.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Oh, I could do with a bit of luck myself, if I'm honest.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45I've had a bad couple of years. I know, I know. Boo-hoo. Poor me.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50But you get into a rut, don't you, and all you have is hope, you know?
0:16:50 > 0:16:51You just hope for a little bit of luck to come your way.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Well, whatever your problems,
0:16:54 > 0:16:57it's very good to see that you're moving on with things and you're not
0:16:57 > 0:17:01- letting life get on top of you, Alex.- Yeah. Go, Alex.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Thanks. Thank you.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Paul's just come through a very serious illness,
0:17:05 > 0:17:08so there's always light at the end of the tunnel.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Yeah. Good on you, mate. - Thanks.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Actually, Steve, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- No. Go ahead. - Thanks.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- What a lovely young man! - Yeah.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30- Where've you been hiding him, Dan? - Nowhere. No.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33I haven't been hiding him. He's been in prison.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36What?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- Yeah. - What for?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40He's a sex offender.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43What?!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Yeah, but don't mention it. He's really embarrassed.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Wait, Dan, he's a sex offender?
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Ssh! Yeah. But it's all right. He's on the register.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- Jesus! - I'm gonna call the police.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57No. Don't. He's done his time. He's not a beast.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- But he went to jail? - Yeah.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- He got out last night. - Oh, God.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Jesus!
0:18:04 > 0:18:05What did he do, Dan?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Oh. No. Not in front of the kid.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08- TOILET FLUSHES - Is he gonna hurt Luke?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10No, no, don't worry,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13he's not a paedophile. He likes women.
0:18:16 > 0:18:21But seriously, don't mention sex. He gets all...edgy.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25That soap is just delicious! It really is absolutely heavenly.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40So...what would we spend all our winnings on?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Oh, good question.
0:18:44 > 0:18:50Laura, you were saying you'd give some to children with AIDS, weren't you?
0:18:53 > 0:18:54Yes.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I'd throw a party. A massive one. HE LAUGHS
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I'd get magicians, jugglers, waitresses.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04Just have one really big wild night and, you know, really let my hair down.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05HE LAUGHS
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Hmm.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Shall we...shall we watch the lottery?
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Yes.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Great news about your recovery, Paul.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27At least we've had some good news, a rare treat nowadays!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29What was the problem, if you don't mind me asking?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Oh. Noth...nothing.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- You know, just man's problems. - Aw, rubbish!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38You poor thing! D'you want me to take a look?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41No, I'm... I'm fine.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42- I used to be a paramedic. - No, I'm...
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I'm fine. Thank you. I'm...
0:19:46 > 0:19:47I'm, like, cured.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50OK. Cool. No probs, no probs.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Oh, I just love the lottery show, don't you?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Absolutely! - And the quiz before it.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- It's brilliant. - Yes.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03On a bit of a roll, then.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04I thought, "Well, I'm not
0:20:04 > 0:20:06"gonna do it tonight, cos Stephanie's done really well, and she deserves
0:20:06 > 0:20:09"to get through," and I'll tell you what, Jamie,
0:20:09 > 0:20:11it doesn't matter that Stephanie's not got through tonight,
0:20:11 > 0:20:12because her place has got to be there
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- sooner or later. - APPLAUSE ON TV
0:20:14 > 0:20:21'But right now, you have one final challenge.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26'OK? You must play Do Or Die with one of your opponents.'
0:20:26 > 0:20:27I've always wondered why they don't get Wogan on this.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It would be the perfect vehicle for him.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33'..Leave the competition immediately, for good, you can't come back,
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- 'you can't win the money.' - More drinks?
0:20:35 > 0:20:38- Yeah. - Yes, please.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42'..who you choose to play. OK,
0:20:42 > 0:20:45- 'will the nine remaining players...' - Oh, let me give you a hand, Becks.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47No, I'm all right.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Come on. Don't be a martyr.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55So, what are we making?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58- Um, just something cold. - I can do that if you want.
0:20:58 > 0:20:59No, I... I'm fine.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Don't worry, I was thinking of getting a job in a bar.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04'Have you been doing much revision at home?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06'No, not really.'
0:21:06 > 0:21:10Who do you think you are, bringing a sex criminal into the house?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13DOORBELL RINGS
0:21:13 > 0:21:17ALEX: Just at that moment, super-strength cocktails...
0:21:17 > 0:21:20back in the day. I can make you one now, if you like.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- I'm fine, thanks. - No problem.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23All right, Steve?
0:21:23 > 0:21:24All right, mate? Come in.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Sorry I'm late. Me dad keeps them in his bedroom, and your mum was round.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30All right. How much do I owe you?
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Er...
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- call it a fiver? - Excuse me, Becks.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38I'm Alex, by the way. Dan's cousin. The infamous Dan!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41He's a funny one, though, isn't he? The eternal black sheep.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Have you met Anita, his girlfriend?
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Bit of a battle-axe!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47HE LAUGHS
0:21:48 > 0:21:49- Cheers, mate. - You staying for the lottery?
0:21:49 > 0:21:50Er...
0:21:50 > 0:21:53yeah, well, I can't go back to my dad's, can I? Your mum makes a right racket.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55All right. Thanks for that.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh. Let me, let me.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Here we are, the party begins.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03- What a lovely bloke. - LUKE: Raaarrh!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- 'Former Chelsea chairman Ken Bates...'- Here you go.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- '..which Yorkshire football club...' - Anyone want a beer?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Yeah, actually...
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Yeah, thanks.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- 'Paul O'Grady. - Correct.'
0:22:15 > 0:22:17How's everything with your lovely girlfriend, Barney?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Oh. Magic. A girlfriend. You lucky thing.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25We're gonna have to get rid of him.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I can't just kick him out. It's rude.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31He's a sex offender. You're allowed to be rude to him.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36We've got a sex offender in our flat!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38SHE LAUGHS
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Come on.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Let's make sure he isn't sexually abusing Laura.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44HE BLOWS RASPBERRIES
0:22:44 > 0:22:46..and then Julie Taylor comes back in
0:22:46 > 0:22:49and she gives you a mug of water, and you take a mouthful of it,
0:22:49 > 0:22:51because you think it's cold,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53but she...she's put boiling hot water in it...
0:22:53 > 0:22:55so it burns your mouth!
0:22:55 > 0:22:58LAUGHTER
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- Who does that? - Julie Taylor.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08She's twisted.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16- TV:- ..Before we go any further, let's go live, then, to Lottery HQ
0:23:16 > 0:23:18to see what's coming up this evening.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Draw's starting. - Oh, good luck, everyone.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27- I'm so sorry. - LUKE: I'm gonna kill it!
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I muddled it up. I thought it was you.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31I'm a knobhead.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33I know you are.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38LUKE: Look at it, stuffed full of crap!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- All right, Luke? - Yeah.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42TV: 'Release the balls!'
0:23:42 > 0:23:44LUKE: Stupid thing.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48TV: 'Here we go...'
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Would it help if I did the silly dance?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53'First ball is....30.'
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Oh, I got that one! I've got that one, Laura!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Quiet, Shelly. I'm trying to focus.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00'..your lucky night tonight.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02'And the second ball is ...
0:24:02 > 0:24:03'18.'
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Yes! Look. I knew it! I fuckin' knew it!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07'..one of the more popular numbers...'
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Have you forgiven me yet?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Um...
0:24:13 > 0:24:15No.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21OK, OK, I've forgiven you.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- PAUL:- What's wrong with these people?!
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Good.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29You're a kabillion times better than Julie.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31How many?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- A kabillion. - Oh.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36'14. Our fourth ball tonight.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38'14.'
0:24:38 > 0:24:43INDISTINCT SPEECH ON TV
0:24:43 > 0:24:45'And here we go. Our fifth ball tonight,
0:24:45 > 0:24:47'number 22!'
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- SHELLY:- Oh, that's sad.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52It's a fucking fix!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55'That's going to make someone extremely wealthy indeed.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56'39.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57'That's 39.'
0:24:57 > 0:24:59You all right, Shell?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00- Yeah. - You just have to keep playing
0:25:00 > 0:25:02and eventually you'll win.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08'Now for the all-important bonus ball. It's...
0:25:08 > 0:25:09'number 11!'
0:25:09 > 0:25:11- PAUL:- Fuck the bonus ball!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I hate the bonus ball.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17I've won a tenner.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19'..14, 18...'
0:25:19 > 0:25:23I got three numbers. Guys, I've won a bloody tenner!
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Hey!
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I can't believe it!
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Look, Steve. I've...
0:25:28 > 0:25:29I've won a tenner!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33HE LAUGHS
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Sorry, guys. Um...
0:25:36 > 0:25:37I just, er...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39it's hard to explain just how...
0:25:39 > 0:25:41how much it means to me, er...
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Finally a little bit of luck at last.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And you guys have been so welcoming.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Um...
0:25:47 > 0:25:50It's been amazing! I ju...
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, God! HE LAUGHS
0:25:54 > 0:25:56STEVE: Um...
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Alex, sorry, mate. I just, er...
0:25:58 > 0:26:00I was just looking at your numbers here.
0:26:00 > 0:26:0311 is the bonus ball.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05It...it doesn't count.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15# Come closer, come closer
0:26:15 > 0:26:16# And listen
0:26:16 > 0:26:20# The beat of my heart keeps on missin'
0:26:20 > 0:26:24# I notice it most when we're kissin'
0:26:24 > 0:26:28# Come closer and love me tonight
0:26:28 > 0:26:30# That's right
0:26:30 > 0:26:33# Come closer and cuddle me tight... #
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Fuck!
0:26:34 > 0:26:36# My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
0:26:36 > 0:26:37# Boom-bang-a-bang
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# When you are near
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# Boom-bang-a-bang-bang all the time
0:26:41 > 0:26:46# It's such a lovely feeling
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# When I'm in your arms
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# Don't go away I wanna stay my whole life through
0:26:54 > 0:26:56# Boom-bang-a-bang-bang Close to you. #