0:00:02 > 0:00:05I've just moved in with the world's biggest idiot. ..I've moved in.
0:00:05 > 0:00:06Congratulations!
0:00:06 > 0:00:11'This programme contains strong language and adult humour.'
0:00:11 > 0:00:13There's this bloke called Graham at the gym
0:00:13 > 0:00:15- and he was saying that I should... - PAUL!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17You look lovely in that.
0:00:17 > 0:00:18I look disgusting.
0:00:18 > 0:00:19As if.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Right, I'm off to Pilates.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- Do you want a lift, lover? - Graham's here.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25We got robbed at work and they took my phone.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Oh, bloody hell.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Oh, don't. Laura's in there.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31There's this bloke called Graham at the gym.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Paul. We're going.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35You are being so suspicious today.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36What's this?
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Don't you dare get married before me.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44Think at one point you thought I was going to ask you to marry me.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47Why would I want to marry you? You fucking stink!
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Don't ask her to marry you, Steve.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Look, I know we like to have a bit of banter, the two of us,
0:00:52 > 0:00:54but let's just be serious for a minute.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55And I will be talking to your dad as well.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58If you ask her to marry you, I'll break your fucking neck.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10How was your gran?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Ugh. Boring. All she does is talk about dead people.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Ugh.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17They're dead. Get over it. Do you know what I mean?
0:01:22 > 0:01:23What have you been doing?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26What?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I made a bit of a mess in the bedroom. It's horrible.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32You'd better have a look.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Have you done a poo in there?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41No, of course I haven't done a poo in there!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Do you honestly think I'm the sort of man who'd do a poo
0:01:43 > 0:01:46in his bedroom and get his girlfriend to go and look at it?
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Just go and have a look.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Do you know what I mean though?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Just cos someone's dead, doesn't make them interesting.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59Oh, my God.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Steve!
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Have we got a new telly?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06And...
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Ah!
0:02:15 > 0:02:16And also...
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- It's cider.- Oh, my God!
0:02:22 > 0:02:239%.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Wait there.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Oh, you got Skittles.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04What are you supposed to do when you see your doctor in the street?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Fuck me.
0:03:09 > 0:03:10What's that?
0:03:10 > 0:03:14I saw my doctor at a bus stop and I didn't know
0:03:14 > 0:03:15whether to say hello or not.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Oh. Ha!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20It's kind of awkward, isn't it, cos he's, like, 60 and
0:03:20 > 0:03:23he's a nice bloke but at the same time he's had his finger up my arse.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Have you had some?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29No.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37Wow!
0:03:38 > 0:03:40No wonder it was only a tenner.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47So...
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Why are you being creepy?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52I'm not. What do you mean creepy?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Shutting the door. Your face. It's creepy. Stop it.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58Would you mind if I just said something?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00That's such a creepy thing to say.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Becky.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03OK.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14My dearest, darling Rebecca.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Today is our first anniversary.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Rebecca? You're such a knob!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Just let me finish.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Ooh. I haven't taken my pill.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Like them, by the way.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33OK?
0:04:33 > 0:04:34Yep.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:35 > 0:04:37It's just Dan.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44My dearest, darling Rebecca.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Sorry!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Today is our first anniversary.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Becky! Steve! I need your help with Laura!
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Seriously. When they've gone, I'm going to rip the piss out of you.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04DOORBELL RINGS
0:05:09 > 0:05:12She's been drinking. She called me from a phone box.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Shut up, pig. - Are you OK, Laur?
0:05:14 > 0:05:15She was groping me.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17I was trying to get her off the bus.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Any excuse. Any fucking excuse.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Don't do that, Laura.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Shut up, pig.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27Do you want to call Paul?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Yep.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32I am not going in there and there's nothing you can do about it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Come on. Let's go and have a lie down.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Don't touch me!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39She doesn't wash her hands when she pisses.
0:05:39 > 0:05:40I wash them after a poo.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Paul?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45No, it's Steve.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Come on, Laura. Let go of the door frame. There's a good girl.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Don't I, Laura? I wash them after a poo.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Mm-hm.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- He's on his way! - Tell him I love him!
0:05:56 > 0:05:57OK. She loves you.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02He loves you too!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04- He's lying.- OK.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Get your hands off me.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10What's going on?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Sorry. Becky's sister's poorly.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Nice dressing gown.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Thanks.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20And you.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Present?
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Yeah.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Me too.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Have you got it on the back?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Yeah.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Bye then.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Bye.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I went to see Granny. She sends her love.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41She's a wrinkly old fuck.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43She's excited about the baby.
0:06:43 > 0:06:44Shall I get my tits out?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46No.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Laura, that's our dinner!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Shush, Steve. I'm trying to eat.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50For God's sake.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Where's Paul?
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Don't do that.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Where's Paul, you blow-job?!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59He says he's at Pilates with Graham.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01He's a fucking liar!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05OK. Becky, can I have a word?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Yes.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I feel sick.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09I'll get you something.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11You'll feel better if you're sick.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13When I was pregnant with Kieran...
0:07:13 > 0:07:17When you were pregnant with Kieran, you were fucking enormous.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Becks?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Paul's not at Pilates.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28I know.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32He says that when he's with some fucking whore!
0:07:32 > 0:07:33No!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Wow.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Are you OK?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Sorry. Bit of an over-reaction.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Yeah!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Come here.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51I think that's the first time I've ever been called a blow-job.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Yeah?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Ooh. Chicken.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03She's so drunk.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05(It's horrible.)
0:08:05 > 0:08:07She wiped her hands on the duvet.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Like you've never done that.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Don't give her anything.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14I'll just make her a Resolve. Don't be such a blow-job!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17(Pilates? As if Paul's going to Pilates.)
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Why are you being such a blow-job?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19Becky!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I think you'll find my name is Rebecca.
0:08:21 > 0:08:22No. No. Becky!
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Don't be a dick.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Becky!
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Steve, you're being annoying!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Becky... Just fuck off!
0:08:32 > 0:08:33What the fuck was that?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Look.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39DOORBELL RINGS
0:08:41 > 0:08:42Sorry.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Get the door.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52DOORBELL RINGS
0:09:08 > 0:09:12Hi, Steve. I was wondering if I could borrow some limescale remover.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18I was wondering if I could borrow some limescale remover?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21My flat's covered in limescale.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Is that just an excuse to come in?
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Yeah.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Thanks.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30Shelly texted, said she was here. I've written her a poem.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I'd love some feedback.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Not now, mate.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Um...I'd change that.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Really?
0:09:55 > 0:09:59And I'd take out that line. That bit, those two lines.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01That whole section... Pretty grim.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02That line.
0:10:04 > 0:10:05That line
0:10:07 > 0:10:08And that line.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13And I wouldn't end on the word "bollocks".
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Really?- Yeah.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Lucky I ran it past you.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Laura wants to get her tits out.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Becky! Come and have a look at them!
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Coming!
0:10:22 > 0:10:23They're nice!
0:10:28 > 0:10:32OK, Laur. Let's get you up, shall we? Paul will be here in a minute.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33I want to sit on the floor.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35It's not nice on the floor, come on.
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Bring the chicken. He's not at Pilates.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41He says that when he's out with some slut.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Drink your water. Come on.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I want to show Steve my tits.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49I'm fine. I can see 'em. Fine as they are.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50- Becks?- Yes?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Can I talk to you in the kitchen?
0:10:52 > 0:10:53I'm all right, thanks.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I got ID'd.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56Did you?
0:10:56 > 0:11:01They were like, "Are you over 18?" and I was like, "Yes."
0:11:01 > 0:11:03I've still got it.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Look at the pig.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Don't be mean.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Come on. Drink your water.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18He says he's at this Pilates with this Graham, but he's not.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Laura!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Sorry, Shell.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27SHE LAUGHS
0:11:27 > 0:11:28No. It's fine.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Maybe Laura and Shelly should wait outside for Paul.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36They're fine.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Steve, what do you love most about me?
0:11:42 > 0:11:43I love everything about you.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Do you want to look at these?
0:11:45 > 0:11:46No.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Will you go on holiday with me, Steve?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Yes.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Becky?- Come and have a nuzzle.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- DOORBELL RINGS - Paul!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'll get you some more water.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:11 > 0:12:12You are so ugly.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40It's fucking killing me!
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Where is she?
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Bedroom.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44I should go, Paul.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46No. Wait.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52Um...everyone, this is Graham. Graham, this is everyone.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Nice to meet you all.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Graham's my friend. From Pilates.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Yes.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I'll wait in the car.
0:13:02 > 0:13:03No! I'll be two minutes.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Why are you speaking to me like this?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I'm not speaking to you like anything.
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Paul!
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Listen to yourself, Paul.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Paul!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17What?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Where have you been?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Pilates. Have you been drinking?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I had a glass of wine with my lunch.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24For fuck's sake Laura, you're pregnant.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- He seems nice.- Yeah.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Laura, come on.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32(I've written you a poem.)
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Will you read it to me?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I WAS at Pilates. Look what I'm wearing!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Graham picked me up from work and we went to Pilates.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39No, you didn't.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Laura! That's not for you!
0:13:41 > 0:13:44It's for the baby. It sends him to sleep.
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Laura!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Laura! Stop it!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51You're better than the telly.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55You make me wobble like a strawberry jelly.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Strawberry jelly!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01When I see you my heart bangs and wallops.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04And I like what you look like when you suck on my...
0:14:07 > 0:14:08..heart.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I had to change the ending.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12'Graham! Come here!'
0:14:12 > 0:14:15No, it's brilliant. I love it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Honestly, darling. You have to believe me!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Who's this prick?
0:14:21 > 0:14:22This is Graham.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Who is it?
0:14:25 > 0:14:26This is Graham.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29This is my friend Graham, who I go to Pilates with.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Graham?
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Hello, Laura.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Yes, I'm Graham.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Lovely to meet you at last.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I've heard a lot about you.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Tell her. We've just been to Pilates, haven't we?
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Yes. We've just been to Pilates.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I slipped a disc last summer
0:14:52 > 0:14:54and it's actually rather good for the posture.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55See?
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Oh, my God!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03SHE GIGGLES
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Oh, my God!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11So he hasn't been with some fucking whore?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12No.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Well, I hope not, anyway.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19No. Of course not. Those days are behind me.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Oh, my God! Paul!
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Have you got a stiffy?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34No.
0:15:34 > 0:15:35Laura!
0:15:35 > 0:15:39I'd better be off. Nice to meet you all.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Yes. Lovely to meet you.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41Yes.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47That is just sick.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Graham, one minute.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Look at the pig.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Laura, don't be horrible.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54You're a fucking mess.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56OK, Laura. Calm down.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Have you no shame, pig?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Why are you marrying her?
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Well, it's...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Well, we've paid for the venue.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21OK.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Graham. Please.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27We can't do this.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Yes, we can.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34It's not fair on me, Paul.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'm sorry.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Graham.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Please!
0:17:00 > 0:17:03You smell like a pig and you stink like a pig. >
0:17:03 > 0:17:05All right?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25No, Laura. You can't speak to me like that.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27You're just so unpregnant, it makes me want to shit.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29(Come on.)
0:17:29 > 0:17:31OK. I'm going to leave now, Laura.
0:17:31 > 0:17:36Go get that spastic to flick your flaky little bean. Go on.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Pig! I'm speaking to you!
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Pig!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Just shut up!
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Ooh!
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I am not a pig! I am Shelly!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48All right. Go flick your bean, Shelly.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Paul!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53No! I will not go flick my bean!
0:17:53 > 0:17:56You're going to be someone's mother! You cannot behave like this!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59This is not on! I will not stand for it any longer!
0:17:59 > 0:18:01It is not on!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04You might have financial problems, and you and Paul
0:18:04 > 0:18:09might have other problems too, but that's no excuse.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11We don't have problems, do we?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12No, of course not.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15See? Silly fat pig.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Laura! I am not a pig and this is not on!
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Sometimes you're really not a nice person! And you're getting worse!
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Go fuck yourself, you slag!
0:18:24 > 0:18:29I am NICE! And I am only ever nice to you!
0:18:29 > 0:18:33And you just make me cry! I go home and I cry!
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Because of you!
0:18:34 > 0:18:37And you keep doing this to people and you'll have no friends left
0:18:37 > 0:18:40and I'm going to piss my fucking pants when that happens.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43I'm going to have a party, and everyone will be there,
0:18:43 > 0:18:47and you won't be invited and it'll be exactly what you deserve!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It'll be exactly what you deserve because you are a nasty,
0:18:50 > 0:18:53ignorant, cruel FUCKING BITCH!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56You make me cry, Laura,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59and you'll die alone, and I will dance on your grave!
0:18:59 > 0:19:05I will dance for hours on your stupid grave,
0:19:05 > 0:19:08you horrible, BLOODY BITCH!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23You do know I'm pregnant, don't you, Shelly.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27Incredible.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Excuse me, everyone.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Paul.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Are you OK, my beautiful?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Dan, that...
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Well, that was horrible.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34I can't explain why I did what I did,
0:20:34 > 0:20:38but you have to know, I had a really good reason.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Yeah? What's that then?
0:20:42 > 0:20:43I can't tell you.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Wow. OK.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Oh, for God's sake.
0:20:49 > 0:20:50You OK?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56We were having a really nice night.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57I know we were.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59No. Please!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06I didn't mean to hurt you.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Becks. I didn't mean to hurt you!
0:21:10 > 0:21:11So why did you?
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Where are you going?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16For a walk.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I swear on my mum's life, there's a perfectly good explanation.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22I'm really sorry for hurting you because I'd never want to hurt you.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Please. Becky.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25No! Becky!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34The ring's in the... Don't go anywhere.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46It was in the bread bin.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48It was all part of a...
0:21:49 > 0:21:51I had this.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54I'd learnt it.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57It was all part of, like, a plan,
0:21:57 > 0:22:00which is why I didn't want you going in the bread bin.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And we were going to drink this.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I nicked the glasses from The Goose. I'm so sorry.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I just didn't want you to find it.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12I'm so, so sorry, Becks. Please don't go.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I swear on my mum's life. I swear on your life.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19I swear on my life and I'd swear on everything.
0:22:19 > 0:22:24I am so sorry. I beg you, please don't go anywhere.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29How long have you been planning this?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Ages.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Are you going to read it to me or not?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36This?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38Do you want me to?
0:22:38 > 0:22:39OK. Here?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45My dearest darling Rebecca - Becky.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Today is our first anniversary but it feels like our 50th.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58The world began when we met.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01It's like we've spent our whole lives in bed
0:23:01 > 0:23:03and getting interrupted by Dan and Laura.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Everything else in the world is so boring except for you.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I get bored when you're on the loo.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12We're the same person.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13You're as different from me
0:23:13 > 0:23:16as one of my arms is or one of my thoughts is.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17When I first met you,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I didn't think it was possible to love someone more.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Now every day, I find that it is.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25The days go by so quickly and we grow up and our lives change
0:23:25 > 0:23:28but the one certain thing in all of it is that I'll always be with you.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31So I've got something I want to ask you.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37That was when I was going to take the dressing gown off.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Then what?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Well, then there was this thing.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Shall I get it?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Like in Deal Or No Deal.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19You have to choose one, I'll open it and it'll give you the answer.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24Sure?
0:24:26 > 0:24:27You can swap.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50My mum helped me make 'em.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52That's so cool.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57Then there was more. Shall I?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06I know we say we don't believe in it,
0:25:06 > 0:25:09but what's so bad about getting married?
0:25:09 > 0:25:12We'd get to spend the rest of our lives together.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14We could be a little family.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17And we don't have to be dicks about it.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19We don't have to have a big wedding.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22We don't have to invite any arseholes.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23I'd just like to marry you...
0:25:26 > 0:25:29because I'd get to call you my wife.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30And I'd be so proud.
0:25:32 > 0:25:37We'd never have to worry about anything ever again. So...
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Well, you've really fucked this up, haven't you?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Have you asked my dad's permission?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06How did that go?
0:26:06 > 0:26:07How do you think?
0:26:11 > 0:26:15Well, I'm not getting married in a bloody church.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22We can do it literally anywhere you want.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Of course I'll marry you, you silly prick.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Thank God for that!
0:26:46 > 0:26:47I'm so sorry about...
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Ssh! Don't worry.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50I'm so sorry.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I can't believe I hurt you.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I just... I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Oh, yeah.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07One more thing.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19# Come closer, come close and listen
0:27:19 > 0:27:23# The beat of my heart keeps on missing
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# I notice it most when we're kissing... #
0:27:27 > 0:27:30You are such a pillock.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Come closer and cuddle me tight
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# My heart goes boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang
0:27:36 > 0:27:39# When you are near
0:27:39 > 0:27:41# Boom bang-a-bang boom bang-a-bang
0:27:41 > 0:27:43# Loud in my ear
0:27:43 > 0:27:46# Pounding away, pounding away Won't you be mine?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49# Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time. #
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Subtitling by Red Bee Media Ltd